Welcome to another episode of “The Sarcastic Traveller’s Guide,” where we guide you through the nighttime jungle of Amsterdam, a city that never sleeps because it’s too busy partying. Forget what you think you know about Dutch restraint—when the sun goes down, the wild side comes up!
In this video, we’ll take you through Amsterdam’s most infamous nightlife spots—from the neon-lit escapades in the Red Light District to the hipster heaven of NDSM Wharf. We’ll dodge bicycles in Leidseplein, get lost in the Jordaan’s maze of music, and maybe, just maybe, end up dancing under the stars (or street lamps, whatever).
Prepare for an onslaught of sarcasm as we uncover the best, the worst, and the “why does this even exist?” of Amsterdam’s after-dark offerings. Whether you’re a clubber, a pubber, or just someone who enjoys watching other people make questionable decisions, this video has something for you.
Strap in, keep your wits about you, and remember: what happens in Amsterdam, stays on this channel. Well, unless it follows you home. Let’s dive into the nightlife that makes Amsterdam the city where even the street lamps seem to judge your choices. Here’s to a night you won’t remember and the stories you won’t forget!
00:00 Intro
00:10 The Beautiful Amsterdam
02:22 Leidseplein: Where Tourists Frolic and Locals Fear to Tread
04:40 The Red Light: Not Just For Window Shopping
06:58 Rembrandtplein: Dance Your Clogs Off
09:17 Jordan: For the ‘Sophisticated’ Partygoer
11:48 NDSM Wharf: Where The Wild Things Party
#amsterdam #travelhumor #travelhumor
[Music] where today we’re heading to Amsterdam the city famous for its canals bicycles and a museum for literally everything ever wanted to learn about cats in a formal setting Amsterdam has you covered Amsterdam often called the Venice of the north mainly by people who have never been to Venice is our city build on water history and questionable Cafe snacks it’s where the buildings lean more than people after a few local Brews thanks to the Soggy marshy foundations they’re built on it’s Charming really if your idea of charm’s architectural vertigo now let’s get historical Amsterdam’s golden age in the 17th century was basically a highlights re of trading spices accumulating wealth and painting chubby cherubs fast forward a few centuries in the city is still Trading but let’s just say the Commodities have evolved NTI here is like nowhere else one I feel like a character and a historical drama and a modern party animal at the same time H up the red light district where the neon lights are bright and the morals are loose remember it’s all legal but your grandma probably wouldn’t approve and the clubs in Amsterdam they really embrac the saying go big or go home You Can Dance until the sun comes up literally cuz some clubs don’t stop until breakfast time and if electronic music isn’t your thing don’t worry there are plenty of jazz clubs where you can nod along awkwardly instead don’t forget that bars Amsterdam has about as many bars as it has bikes and that’s saying something the local beers are great and the bartenders often throw in a free lecture on the city’s Brewing history whether you ask for it or not so pack your rain coat prep your liver and get ready for a trip to Amsterdam it’s a city of culture history and night life that’s sure to make your visit Unforgettable or at least memorable enough to piece together the morning after welcome to Amsterdam where every Cobble Street has a story and every Canal has seen more than you ever will L plan it’s like the Las Vegas of Amsterdam minus the charm and the all you can bar face this is where you’ll find an Eclectic mix of street performers live music and bars that charge more for a beer than a full meal elsewhere that’s the perfect place to frolic if you enjoy paying twice the price for half the fun here every night is an elaborate dance of dodging selfie sticks avoiding aggressive flyer Distributors and deciphering which menu offers the most authentic Dutch cuisine at the most inauthentic prices yes that’s right come to Li of plan for the culture stay because you’ve accidentally spent all your money on a single cocktail Liza plane is renowned for its vibrant atmosphere which is really just a nice way of saying you won’t hear yourself think it’s home to a number of nightclubs that boast lines longer than your last Customs queue Insight you can enjoy the unique experience of listening to Global top 40 hits while packed in with a few hundred of your closest friends personal space please you left that at the door along with your cting common sense let’s not forget the array of dining options available you can choose from every kind of international cuisine each restaurant competing to see who can mark up their prices the most for bewildered tourists my advice choose a place where the Mena pictures don’t look like they were taken during the last century but no night in lots of plan is complete without navigating through the Swarms of party goers who all thought coming here was a unique idea you’ll meet people from all corners of the globe all United by the shared belief that this must be the place to be because well everyone else is here so grab your Euros prepare your liver and dive into the Controlled Chaos that is a light supp plan whether you end up sipping a drink at a sidewalk cafe or shaking your groove thing until the early morning one thing’s for sure you’ll leave with lighter pockets and maybe just maybe a story worth telling welcome to light supp planine where tourists Frolic and locals definitely Fear To Tread ah the red light district or as the locals call it the Wallen here the streets aligned not just with cobblestones but with neon lights each one casting a glow bright enough to read the regret on every tourist’s face it’s like walking into a live action version of your browsers incognito mode this neighborhood is Fame not only for its liberal attitudes but also for its historic canals which are literally overshadowed by the more eliminating attractions yes this is the part of Amsterdam where your moral compass starts spinning unsure whether it’s okay to be this entertained by it all navigating the red light district is like playing a game of cultural dodgeball on one side you have the Live Sex Shows which promise an exp experience so memorable you’ll probably want to keep it to yourself on the other a symphony of coffee shops where the coffee is not the main draw but rather the baked goods and by baked goods I mean well you know the district’s nightclubs are just as colorful as its Windows offering beats as diverse as a clientele from techno temples to hip-hop Havens there’s a rhythm for every kind of night out and if dancing isn’t your thing there are plenty of bar where you can sip a beer and people watch trust me this place offers some prime people watching material but what truly sets the red light death tracks apart is it casual blend of history with the kind of Commerce you usually don’t tell your mom about it’s where 14th century architecture makes 21 sa Century entertainment all wrapped up in a vibe that screams what happens in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam but also maybe on your Instagram so whether you’re here for a cheeky peek or just to see what all the fuss is about the red light district welcomes all just remember to keep your jaw from hitting the floor too hard it’s not the most sanitary of streets come for the culture stay for the stories and leave with a little bit more knowledge about human nature than you probably want welcome to the red light district the highlight of any trip to Amsterdam as long as you’re not traveling with your parents R Brown plan it’s like someone took a bunch of bars clubs and Terraces threw them into a blender and poured the mix into a square bustling with more energy than a toddler on a sugar rush named after the famous Dutch painter REM brand who’s probably turning in his grave thanks to the rockus night love his name now sponsors this place is where you go to party like it’s $15.99 except with way better technology and slightly worse music this vibrant square is packed with everything from Swanky nightclubs where where the base is so loud it resets your heartbeat the chill pubs where the beer flows faster than the bartender’s ability to keep up it’s the kind of place where if you’re not losing your voice you’re not doing it right let’s talk about the clubs if you’re into electronic music you’re in luck rembrand PL offers in an array of clubs where the DJ spin trucks so fresh they haven’t even been released yet and if you’re not into electronic music well tough cookies because that’s basically you’re going to here and don’t forget the bars they range from the so classy they give you a real napkin kind to the sticky floor but who cares kind you can start your evening siping a sophisticated cocktail under the watchful eyes of rembrand statue and end it singing karaoke with someone who swears they’re a direct descendant of the artist himself but rembrand plan isn’t just about the night life oh no it’s also about the morning after enjoy The Breakfast of Champions also known as anything you can eat while squinting in daylight at one of their squares many cafes where you can reminisce about the night’s choices both good and bad so if your idea of a good time involves bouncing from one bar to another losing your friends finding new ones and then repeating the process until you no longer remember your original plan ramb brand plan is your kind of place just remember what happens in rembrand planine stays in rembrand plan except for the Selfies the new friends on social media and that inexplicable charge on your credit card welcome to rembrand plane the Beating Heart of Amsterdam’s nightlife because he needs sleep anyway Jordan Amsterdam’s quarky little neighborhood that’s too cool for the mainstream but just mainstream enough to be cool imagine a picturesque postcard then fill it with narrow streets hidden Courtyards and the kindy bars where everyone pretends they don’t care about Instagram but really they don’t this neighborhood used to be a working claes Bastion now it’s where the old Amsterdam charm meets the wallets of those who drink craft beer ironically by now the Jordan transforms from quaint to vibrant offering in aelactic mix of Old Brown cafes Swanky bars and everything artsy in between these aren’t your typical dance until dawn clubs they’re more like simple sophisticated cocktail and Nod appreciatively to the live band coner places it’s where you go when you want to seem cultured but end up just getting cultured in the local bruts let’s talk about the music scene it’s diverse one moment you’re listening to a band whose name you can’t pronounce the next you’re unintentionally swaying to fol music that makes you feel strangely nostalgic for a Time you never lived in the Jordan doesn’t just have a soundtrack it has an entire playlist created to make you feel like you’re in an indie film and the boss oh the boss they’re as Charming as they are packed you’ll squeeze through the door and find yourself in a room full of vintage Decor that’s probably older than the city’s Canal system here every drink tells a story and if it doesn’t the bartender certainly will just nod and laugh nod and laugh don’t miss out on the C side of the Jordan night life the food ranges from traditional Dutch snacks that you at out of necessity after one to many to International Cuisine that’s there to remind you that yes globalization is a thing even in the most Dutch of neighborhoods so if your ideal night involves less Turn Down For What and more turn down the lights and talk about existentialism then the Jordan is your perfect match it’s the neighborhood where you go to enjoy the night make a few friends lose a few euros and leave wondering whether you’re hipster enough to live there welcome to the Jordan where every corner has a story and every bar has a beer you’ve probably never heard of but you’ll try anyway because well when in that ja done NDM wolf it’s like the cool kid of Amsterdam’s nightlife dressed in street art industrial sheep and an Ambiance that screams I used to be a shipyard but now I’m too trendy for my own good this place is where old shipping containers go to die and a reborn as hipster cafes edgy art spaces and venues that are probably cooler than most of us will ever beat so what’s the deal with ndsm war at night imagine a playground but for adults with a punch on for crra beers and organic food trucks the vibe here is less let’s do shots and more let’s discussed the socioeconomic implications of this reclaimed Urban space over a locally brewed IPA it’s the kind of place where you can attend a rave in an abandoned warehous at midnight and still feel like you’re contributing to the local economy and let’s talk about the venues they range from what this used to be part of a ship to wow is that a crane turned into a nightclub at endm warolf you don’t just go out you embark on an adventure it’s where the music is always underground literally and figuratively and every event feels like it could be an art installation the crowd here is an Eclectic mix of art students young professionals and seasoned party goers all United by their love for something a little different they’re the type who wear sunglasses at night not to block out the strobe lights but to maintain an air of mystery as they move from one venue to the next transport to ndsm Warf involves a ferry ride adding an element of I’m on an adventure to your evening it’s like a mini cruise with a view of Amsterdam Skyline just enough time to start regretting your Footwear Choice as you head to a night of exploring the wol in summary if you’re tired of the conventional club scene and hungry for something that offers a little more grit and a lot more personality ndsm Warf is your go to destination just remember to dress warmly those Waterfront breezes don’t care about your nightlife aspirations welcome to NDS MWF where every night is an industrial shic revolution so there you have it a guy to Amsterdam’s nightlife that’s as reliable as the city’s weather forecast whether you’re here to Party Like It’s 1999 or just sip on a crof beer and judge the tourist Amsterdam’s got you covered smash that like button if you’ve ever found yourself accidentally biking home with Sunrise subscribe for More Travel tips that your parents definitely wouldn’t approve of and drop a comment below with your craziest Amsterdam story until next time keep your CH lips up and your spirits higher PR catch you on the flip side where the parties never stop and neither does the fun or the regret but mostly fun [Music]