Spice Girl Mel B: Shining a Light on Domestic Abuse

The Spice Girl and Women’s Aid Ambassador, Mel B, who received her MBE for services to charitable causes and vulnerable women from Prince William, discusses the updated version of her bestselling memoir, Brutally Honest – which reveals that she underwent painful electric brain therapy to beat suicidal thoughts after ending her abusive marriage.

Broadcast on 12/03/24

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The Fabulous Melby is here sitting with us because just a reminder she’s always brutally honest and in fact you’ve added chapters to your brilliant memory it’s absolutely fantastic but before we ask you about that what was your reaction to that interview my God that was outrageous clearly what was said was

Racist whether it was said privately or openly I just think in this day and age that behavior cannot happen and and at least take some accountability apologize and keep it moving don’t don’t just say like squandering it all it was just awful to listen to him when defend his

Friend when you well he says he’s never met him but he this is of course the biggest Tory donor that we’re talking about uh we just wanted him to be be to be and moral just say morally correct wrong yeah it’s really wrong even if he doesn’t know what he exactly said just

Sort of just just say what we feel which is you shouldn’t say that kind of no you can’t be saying that all what is the impact we spoke to Dawn Butler about this a little bit earlier on because of course she also a black female MP in the

Same party as Diane abber about whom these comments were made you know the environment becomes more toxic doesn’t it really does and the funny thing is when he said his not friend but the person that he’s never met said it behind closed doors and like he says

That’s just as bad as saying it publicly which brings me to a point which I just found out the other day um talking about domestic abuse if you kill your partner outside on the street you get 25 years if you kill your partner inside a home

Inside your home you get 15 years wow so why is there such a big difference domestic violence is usually done in the restricted area of your home because you’ve you’ve actually isolated that person from their friends and their family so it’s something that we really need to bring to the for front things

Shouldn’t be happening privately or even said privately that are racist or even abusive you know we’re living in in a world now where one woman is killed every single week by a former partner or current partner and this epidemic is not going to be going any anywhere unless we

Do something about it and the reason that you are all dressed up today I know look like I’m going to a wedding this is my mother-in-law’s hat that I’ve borrowed thank you sue but it is because I’m going to the Palace yes because to meet the queen and and she is hosting a

A small private event for her charity wow women of the world which is all also dealing with domestic abuse and um that kind of stuff which is so important she’s really rallied to that cause I know because it’s a cause that is I mean it’s an epidemic it’s not going anywhere

It’s like what more can we do to educate rather than just talking about we need to educate our kids educate the justice system and really look look at this matter from the inside out because CU it’s it’s getting worse and us women are suffering when you know one woman a week

Gets killed going back to that interview we just did there you know it was said in private you know well you know these are these are words I mean do you think on this issue domestic violence do you think as a a society we have yet

Properly faced up to what it is and how damag it can be or is there still a tendency for people to say well you know it was in the home or it was a few years ago you know we had um um people on our program who’ve committed

Um and been convicted of of of um of Acts of domestic violence and they say yeah that was then and this is now it’s an epidemic and it’s are we burying under the caret huge yeah I mean we are burying it well we we’re we’re actually talking about it because you

Know it’s in our front rooms now we could watch shows like Happy Happy Valley dirty John so it is more publicly spoken about but still the ins and outs of it the nuts and Bs like if I’m going to um hopefully go to court and accuse my partner of domestic violence you know

I’m not going to really trust the justice system am I going to trust the police that they actually understand and care enough um to see what’s going on so we need to educate because if we don’t educate people that were meant to feel safe with like the police like the

Justice system we we’re we’re fighting a losing battle so we’ got to something is it men I mean inadvertently I’m not saying deliberately but is it men still not taking it properly seriously yeah because at the end of the day statistics are that it that it happens to a woman

From a man it does happen in samesex marriages it does happen in samesex relationships also and it happens where the woman can do that to the man but statistically it’s done to women in a heterosexual relationship so this is something that we need to really look at

And really kind of have some empathy get some new laws in place and get it funded properly by the government because the government only put x amount of money aside each year to deal with domestic violence but they end up spending billions because it’s an epidemic I

Can’t I can’t stress that enough and my book by the way um I’ve updated it because since 2017 to 2024 A lot’s happened to me because I did have a 10-year very abusive marriage and I talk about that in the book very very honestly but I also now talk about the

After effects that I’ve had to go through because just like anybody coming out of a domestic abusive relationship you suffer such TR and trying to get yourself back on your feet especially if you have kids and going through the court system it’s so much to take on board because you have

To literally learn how to walk learn how to talk learn how to like give yourself confidence again because you’ve been riddled with shame and guilt for so long and it’s something that I’m so happy to be speaking about and speaking about it loud and proud because there’s so many

Survivors out there that don’t have a voice so I want to be their voice for them cuz we all have the same story at the end of the day I wonder Mel it’s so powerful I mean your book is brilliant it’s so powerful listening to you speak

About this one of the misconceptions I think that affects police and also a family and those around is well if there was something really wrong she’d leave yeah and I think that also applies to men as well in those you know when the relationship is the other way

Around can you explain to those people who think that why it is not possible to leave that it can actually be terrifying and life-threatening and you still don’t leave well I mean I tried to leave about six or seven times but I always ended up going back um because of my kids because

For some reason I felt like I couldn’t fully leave because I didn’t have my own money or access to my own money I mean who where am I going to go my friends and family had been separated from me because what an abuser does very cleverly and they all do the same thing

Is they isolate you so even though you’re the one being abused you know your friends and family are also being abused say you wanted to go and have dinner with them on a Friday night your abuser may have called them and said no she doesn’t want to meet you little do

You know but then your friends and family are not calling you back so they they put like a massive big bridge that seemed impossible to jump over and you end up thinking the only person you can turn to is your abuser MH yet this is the person that’s meant to love you yet

That they can be emotionally or coercively abusing you and you end up just going in a cycle you want to get out you want to leave but they make it impossible and you think it’s impossible to leave yes where now you know women’s a is now I think it’s their 50th

Anniversary and they’re there to support women and children that are in these kind of positions and I’m also campaigning campaigning for HR to actually understand in the workplace to be able to spot domestic violence domestic abuse because for me my work environment was the safest place that I

Could be because I was a away from that person and that situation yes it was a safe space for you wasn’t it it was so we need to be able to be more compassionate within the workspace also and implicate that it’s absolutely brilliant that the queen is so on board

Her husband of course a huge fan of yours and the spice go your your connection actually goes back an awfully long way a long time doesn’t it a really long way um have you sent him any messages or have you been in touch with him about cuz he’s going through

Challenging time moment yeah and I’ll be talking to the queen later about that but I’m not going to say anything yet keep that close keep those cards close to your chest and you with the raw family today Jerry was with the raw family yesterday at the special Commonwealth service see her yeah and

You’ve all rallied behind Jerry of course cuz she’s been going through a tough time yeah I mean that’s the thing when you’re going through something like that you really do need your friends and family and we’re all very supportive and I feel really sad for her right now we

Were so excited when on loose women you said there was exciting news coming later in the year I’m always the one saying the Spy Girls are getting together I always get to off but we are doing something listen just between us tell nobody else between us and everybody what’s the plan what’s the

Plan listen I’ve got to go I’m off to meet the queen sorry bye whatever you do whatever the mention you make of it of course it’s news everyone would be so excited we would be it’s what we want what you really really want I knew you were going to say that

Of course he is of course look Melby it’s brilliant you’re always brutally honest except when you know that you can’t say anything exactly I know but we’re feeling like there’s there’s something coming telling you anything um good luck today and thank you for all the work

That you’ve done it’s it is so hugely powerful and I think it really kind of opens a window onto that private space where people are at risk mby thank you send best wishes from all of our views to the queen when you see her today because her work on this with you is

Very important yeah yeah thank you uh if you’re affected by those issues you can find advice and support at itv.com helplines please don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it