I Trained A Rat To Make Ratatouille

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I’m currently cooking a Ratatouille for a dinner  party I’m hosting with my friends later tonight. I say ‘I’m cooking’… Mars is cooking, he’s my… head chef. We all know that animated rats are great chefs. But what about their real life counterparts?

Well, I thought I’d look into it, because I’m not known for being a very good cook. Adventurous, yes, but not very good. So, maybe I could learn a thing or two, from a rodent. In a place they’re normally not welcome: a professional kitchen.

I’ll be using whatever ingredients my rat tells me to use, no matter how weird. I’ll then be serving my food at a dinner party to my mates, but how would they react? [SCREAMS] First, I would need a rat. I’m not here to find any old rat. Obviously I live in London,

A rat is probably 6 foot away from me right now. Good news is, rats can be trained to act  in movies and TV shows like other animals. I mean, we know this already,  Ratatouille was a documentary. According to this article, there’s a man who has 500 rats, that he trains for film and TV.

I need to find the British counterpart of this guy. ‘Rat casting couch’. Oh no, do not search that! Stunt rats? Are they a thing? Oh my god, there’s a subreddit for stunt rats! Whoa! Parkour! There are a few places where there are rats for hire. [MAX LAUGHS] There’s one rat for hire! I want him.

Although in the background,  I can see lots of other rats. This is a woman who, has got lots of rat actors for hire. Let’s go find this woman. Now before I meet my ratty sous chef, let me show you how I was planning to train him, to become, Gordon Rat-say. MAX: Yeah.

For this to work, I would need a contraption. My plan was to get a perspex box, and cut out a ring in the bottom of it, to fit snugly on my head. With that, I would drill holes on either side of the box, to have a sniff of the ingredients,

A couple of extra air holes for his comfort at the top, a chin strap, and a teeny tiny chef’s hat. This was the grand vision, but what did it actually look like? And helping me with that, was Maya. MAX: Hello! [DOG BARKS] Oh, who’s that? Bless him! That is one big rat!

With my rubbish jokes out the way, Maya the rat trainer had an entire mischief of rats for me to choose from, and it was my job to find one that had the makings of a master chef. Oh my god! It’s rat world! Who’s this? MAYA: This is Aries. MAX: I’m an Aries. MAYA: Are you?

MAX: Yeah. Have any of them cooked before? MAYA: Uh, no. With no previous culinary experience  to speak of amongst the gang, the best way to choose, would be to run, a vibe check. MAX: Right, OK. Who’s the friendliest? OK. MAX: Should I grab him? MAX: Mars, come on. Look at him!

Oh, I think I’ve already fallen in love. It was love at first sniff. Mars the rat warmed to me right away, and seemed like he was the perfect choice. He’s going to be a great cook! Mars, if this goes well, you and I could open our own business, and obviously it’ll be powered by Shopify!

But who are Shopify, Mars? Shopify is an easy to use, all-in-one commerce platform for anyone, who is thinking about starting and growing their own business. Shopify have got all sorts of fantastic features. One thing we could use, Mars, is Shopify’s new business name generator, so you put in the details about your business,  

And it will come up with loads of different  options of what you could call your business. You can then go straight and buy the domain name for that business, really really easily. I had a look earlier for the name of a  company for a rat and a human making food,

So welcome to the new founding members, of Whisk and Squeak LLC. We could get started in business right away. Mars, have you got any more  information about Shopify? HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Thanks for asking, my friend, as Shopify lets you sell online,   in person, and on all major social platforms.

It supports businesses along the entire journey, from first sale to full scale. MAX: Shopify supported me on my journey,  and my store is run and powered by Shopify. So thank you very much, make sure that you go  to Shopify.co.uk/MaxFosh, to get started today. Mars was extremely friendly –  perhaps a little too friendly.

Ooh! And worryingly, was having a bit  of trouble staying in one spot. Running all over the place, mate! But I had to make sure that he was comfortable up there, without the contraption. Check he’s OK on my head. He does immediately want to get off.

We’re going to have to work out how  we’re going to train him, aren’t we? Next on the list to do was to figure out a way for him to call the shots in the kitchen – just like in the movie. So I took him home, and our training began. Go!

No, no, you have to go either left or right. I’ll be presenting Mars with two different ingredients throughout the cooking process, and whichever he chose, I would put in the dish. OK… go! After a few trial runs, Mars didn’t seem  particularly interested in choosing either,

And instead, was quite interested  in my washing up liquid. So like any master chef, we put in the hours of  blood, sweat and tears, and a few treats, and eventually, Mars was making hard-hitting decisions  in the kitchen, like a Michelin star maestro. Go! OK, OK! That was good. Well done.

The day of the dinner party had arrived, and now that Mars was a fully trained professional chef, I would need a professional kitchen. Oh, that’s a professional kitchen if I’ve ever seen one! Last night’s chef knew I was coming. Yeah, this is perfect. I can make a serious Ratatouille in here. Flipping heck! Yeah, I like this.

Worktop, stove, a convector – no idea what that is! And with Mars’s arrival imminent, it was time for me to get ready to cook. I need to get suited and booted. [ROCK MUSIC PLAYS] With the gang back together,  it was time to get to work. Hey, buddy!

You and I, we’re going to rule the kitchen! And I introduced Mars to his brand new culinary command centre. What do you think? You’re going to go in here, and- look at the length of your tail, mate! MAYA: I know. And I got him familiarised with his new work area.

Welcome to the kitchen, you’ve been in one of these before. We’ll probably need you to wash your hands in a minute. We need to have a clean rat in the kitchen at all times, can’t have the Health Inspector coming in! Deep fat fryer. Hob. Then obviously, the convector,  but you know all about that.

I even splashed on some new cooking gear for Mars. I want to make sure that you are well-equipped in the kitchen. I got you, your own cutlery. You got your own little spoon! Don’t ask me where I got it, it’s definitely a rat spoon, and nothing else.

It was quite hard to find that for some reason,  as it wasn’t in the cooking section on Amazon. Come on, let’s wash your hands. I don’t really want to plunge you under the water, ’cause that seems a bit mean. Good boy! Right, you are ready to cook!

I will be taking Mars’s lead in the kitchen today, so I first let him familiarise himself with our selection of ingredients. Do you want to have a slightly closer look? Every item in front of Mars could technically be used to make a Ratatouille… Sugar could be quite useful.

They’re brash peppers, just in case you were wondering. And it would be up to him to decide what. Yeah, olive oil, of course. It was time to put Mars to the test  and give him his first set of options. Whoa! Let’s.. cook. Mwahahaha!

The first choice of the day was  the oniony base of the sauce. Is the base of the sauce garlic and onion, or garlic, and pickled onion? Monster Munch. Monster Munch, or onion? And already, there was a clear winner. Monster Munch? Really? Are you sure, Mars, we could use onion. Fine.

Are you happy with what you’ve done, Mars? It’s going to taste so weird. Next up, was what I’d be frying it in: olive oil or Dr Pepper. I’m praying he chooses olive oil. Are you- are you giving me a haircut? Olive oil? Good choice. Olive oil!

Time for the onion, or should I say, pickled onion? With our sauce on the go, Mars very much was in charge, and we were off to a great start. You’re not even interested what I’m doing? This is your culinary decisions  that I’m making right here. For the next suggestion from Mars, the sauce base.

For the tomato sauce, it’s either going to be chopped tomatoes, or baked beans. Choose your fighter. And to be honest, Mars was making some pretty smart decisions. Tomatoes it is! Go on, mate, I really didn’t want to have to make a baked bean sauce. Mmm! You’re a very good head chef.

And then for seasoning, sugar, or salt? I think- I feel like he’s going over towards the sugar here. Sugar? The sugar. Okie dokie. A bold choice, but who was I to question Mars’s master plan? And just a bump of sugar. Why would they make a spoon so small? You wafting that smell Mars?

Yeah, the pickled onion is quite overpowering. [MAX COUGHS] I tell you what, it just has a little bit of something… different. Oh! The sauce complete, it was time to choose the toppings: eggplant, or boiled egg? And while up to now, Mars had been doing great,

I was starting to get a little bit worried about some of his choices. Banana or courgette? Oh! That feels like a banana! OK. And perhaps my faith in Mars and the writers of Pixar, was dwindling slightly. Let’s take you out. Oh, you’re cramping my neck! Come on!

Are you just going to be well behaved, and not run away? OK. Under Mars’s watchful eye, I put the finishing touches on our dish. You sure you want banana? And there was no time for either of us to worry  about how edible our creation actually was.

And even Mars was getting a little  embarrassed about what he’s done. Where’s Mars gone? Mars? Where’s he gone? Here he is! Come on, we still need to do the final bit. I am going to forget that there’s banana, sugar, and Monster Munch in it. And that’s a rat.

Ratatouille all done, it was time for me and  Mars to transform, from chefs into hosts. Let’s make this place, fit for a party. How many plates? No, not ON the plate, Mars. No, these are not for you. With our dish in the oven and table set, I hid Mars away…

You’ve got to go hide. Just as our unwitting food critics started to arrive. Hello! Hello guys, come on in, put your bags down anywhere. Now I had told them that I was filming  a video as I’d recently conducted, some cooking lessons, and I wanted to get their reaction. There’s genuinely nothing to be scared about.

They, however, with their knowledge of  my previous escapades, were on edge. No, no, no SAS. ZAC: OK. MAX: Just having dinner. [MAX LAUGHS] But nothing that plying them  with a bit of booze wouldn’t fix. We all hungry? ZAC DJELLAB: Yes! Very! It was time to serve Mars’s creation. One, two, three!

[IMPRESSED NOISES, OOHS] MAX: I had some help. With my presentation on point,  initial reactions were positive. A tomato sauce base, with… [VOICES OF AGREEMENT] It wasn’t just me, to be fair. ZAC: Thank you. You’re more than welcome. After they took a closer look,  the facade started to break. [WOMAN LAUGHS] [LAUGHTER] Bon appetit!

But that was a decision by the chef. Well, me- me and a friend. Everything I put in there is edible. Apart from a few quibbles, my guests we  starting to actually like Mars’s Ratatouille. And other than a few picky eaters… [LAUGHTER] Warm banana. The dinner was a success. Really? Thanks, mate.

I very much took the lead from my head chef,  and so I was just kind of following orders. [INAUDIBLE] [LAUGHTER] Compliments to the chef. WOMAN: Compliments to the chef. ZAC: Who was the head chef? That’s a very good question. I thought it was time, for them to meet him.

You know what, I’ll just get him for a second. One sec. MAX: I’d like to introduce you all, to the head chef. [SCREAMS] So this, is Mars. He’s a great guy! He’s got little chef’s hat, see? [MAX LAUGHS] I put up two things and whichever one he went towards, we chose to eat. Yeah.

He also washed his hands. After a few hard days of work in the kitchen, all that was left was for Mars to receive a well-deserved pet. FEMALE VOICE: No, no, no, no. And to take in his plaudits. Oh, you’re sweet! So it turns out that rats can  help you become a better cook.

Even if, they’re a bit messy. Oh, Kieran, also, they have no bladder control, by the way. Erm, do you want to hold him now?