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Very warm welcome to everybody today um I don’t know which part of the retreat attracted you to be here whether it was the suffering part or the idea of suffering being transformed into Joy but one way or the other we’re going to meet suffering in our lives um it’s
Inevitable and I think most of us including me anyway certainly are here because we have experienced some form of suffering which is quite a loaded word perhaps but suffering can include anything from being slightly disappointed with life or with yourself or with a friend or situation in your life to a
Downright suffering of illness and you know losing loved ones things really not working out the way you expected divorce separation maybe a house purchase falling through which I’m hoping doesn’t happen because uh as a project uh we’ve just managed to find a suitable Monastery after eight years and we’re
Now putting a uh well we’ve made our offer had it accepted and we’re waiting for all the cont contracts so all this inevitable suffering when things go wrong I’m sure we’re all familiar but um the Buddhist teaching is an extraordinarily positive message he does say that he teaches only
Two things suffering and the end of suffering but the important point there is the end and yet he says that it’s not possible to find the end without understanding what suffering really means that means the nature of it the scope the breadth um and also what to do with that
Suffering you know we’re not just um destined to sit with it and grit our teeth or grin and Barett as they say in England stiff upper lip there’s actually something some meaning to it and something that can be done um to help us deepen our compassion and our wisdom and
This is why it’s such a wonderful message I um borrowed the title of the day’s talk The Retreat actually from um the vulnerable tiut Han who was a very famous uh Vietnamese monk who did a lot of Peace activism he was a refugee from his own country and spent his whole life
Serving others and teaching the message of peace and he actually used this beautiful phrase no mud no Lotus which is really beautiful because that just shows how you know in a sense the deeper we can put our Roots down and feel into that suffering the more we can use it as
A kind of fertilizer for everything that’s beautiful in the human heart and I think this is especially uh possible when we stop personalizing the suffering the disappointment the discomfort that we experience and start to see it as something Universal a universal predicament that we share and that we can actually help one another
With so it’s the core thread of the Buddha’s teaching this idea of suffering and the end of suffering it’s also um the purpose that people like myself go forth in the ordination chanting when we take ordination we ask our preceptor please give me the going forth to understand and become free from all
Suffering yeah can’t remember the par it means um may I receive the going forth and may I understand all suffering freedom from suffering to experience nibana so this is the whole purpose and in the Buddhist text it says time and again that all beings recoil from Pain and desire their own
Happiness and many times the path starts just with this simple understanding all beings you know whether we’re small large human non-human even visible or invisible beings desire happiness so it’s a basic human search yes it’s basic human preoccupation really with happiness with the ending of suffering
And yet often we don’t know how to define either happiness or suffering and we’re looking for happiness quite often in the wrong place auna says it’s like a auna is my teacher’s teacher he’s a very famous monk from Thailand who lived in the forest very um aesthetic life life
Of meditation and hardship in many ways physically um but he was supposed to realize some high teachings in his life and fine Freedom so people that were around him said he was very very happy had a great sense of humor quite a wicked sense of humor he lived outside
The box you could say but he said uh often with happiness or or with suffering where um there’s a niche on our BMB and we scratch our head so it’s like we’re kind of looking in the wrong place for the happiness and we’re looking to relieve it in the wrong
Place as well so you know this to me means that often we’re trying to fix things up outside and of course to some extent we have to try right we have we’re social beings we live in society there problems a collective that it’s important to be involved in and not to
Turn a blind eye to at all because even if it’s not affecting us now it’s going to affect us sooner or later you know sometimes we can look at suffering as over there with those that group of people here we’re okay it’s peaceful but fortunes can change so really really
Very fast so um it’s important to have that Universal perspective on things and to obviously be engaged as much as your capacity allows or as much as your particular interests or skill sets allow um but recognizing that we can only really attend to the cause of suffering
Within ourself and if we neglect that we become quite um inefficient in our work externally you know we can’t really promote peace if we don’t understand where peace comes from how it arises inside we can’t really try to alleviate other people’s suffering if we don’t really understand the causes for that
Suffering you know we’re just amending the superficial uh uh aspects of suffering without addressing the cause so the Buddha went quite deep with this and um for me when I first heard the Buddhist teachings and I heard that you know somebody for the first time admitting and saying very directly that
Suffering is an inevitable part of life uh but also activating that wish for us to be free from suffering by saying that there is a path there is a path out and that suffering has a meaning for me this was just an incredible relief yeah because everyone around me had been
Saying what’s wrong with you why are you suffering you’ve got nice friends you’re good at school you know you’re from a stable family and all the rest but inside myself there was just this sense of not knowing why I was here not knowing the meaning of life and also the
Meaning of suffering and how to respond compassionately to that and it was only really when I heard the Buddha’s teachings that I felt like oh my goodness now I understand that suffer uing can have a purpose and it can activate that wish to find a path so the
Buddha wasn’t so um I don’t know sadistic as to say you’re bound to suffer for the rest of your life he actually did the opposite he said you know there is suffering this is how to look at it how to regard it and suffering is to be understood and by
Understanding that and um understanding where our true happiness lies um there is a path that you can walk so whenever people ask me you know is Buddhism a philosophy is it a a way of life is it a religion I always say no actually it’s a
Path it’s a path that shows us suffering it shows us the cause and it shows us the way out and if we walk on that path we can attain complete freedom from suffering do you think that’s possible is it possible I’m glad some of you are nodding that’s wonderful and that’s
Probably because you already have a little bit of experience in in this process that you know when we are able to start turning towards it we can find some relief and that can deepen the longer we practice sometimes it’s hard to see that because the challenges
Increase I found that in my own life like I look back sort of to my time in the forest in a little Coti with the sunrise and The Morning Dew and the kangaroos hopping by and think oh life was so simple I was so peaceful and
Equanimous and now I have all these big responsibilities because I’m trying to extend my uh um blessings really and understanding that I have so far and trying to share that with other people so yes it seems more burdensome there’s a lot more responsibility but there’s
Also a lot of Joy because I’m able to extend my own concern with Awakening to help other people and to build community and sometimes you know it’s easy to see my mind is not always balanced I get stressed I get tired but uh but then I have to
Recognize that 10 years ago I wouldn’t have had the capacity to be in that situation so we can’t measure our progress by what we feel sometimes it’s it’s much nicer to measure progress by how much we can serve and how much gratitude how much meaning we have in our lives so we’re
Shifting this idea of Happiness from being kind of focused on feelings to being more focused on our values and how well we’re able to bring those uh into our daily life there’s a lovely quote and I don’t know who said it but they said uh um invest in your values not your
Feelings that’s just so succinct but very beautiful and I think this is also where the path starts to change because we want happiness and obviously we’re in this sensual world we can find a certain amount of Happiness through the senses I don’t know maybe we tried over Christmas
With Christmas pudding and all kinds of food even I had some food at the wrong time time a little bit after noon uh because it was Christmas I thought well I’m on my own today and you know I can be a bit relaxed but afterwards you don’t feel particularly good about it so
It quickly turns the other way that’s kind of Happiness going to suffering isn’t it it’s the opposite of what we’re trying to do but the Buddha said there is a gratification in sensual pleasure and it’s not to be avoided but nor is it to be pursued or cultivated so he said in
Instead it should be feared and feared in the sense that not that we’re kind of going into some guilt trip but in the sense that it’s not really going to lead to Lasting happiness there’s this thing that I like called the law of diminishing returns have you ever noticed this I think it’s
Partly why people get addicted to various I mean anything really we don’t have to look at only obvious sort of drug addicts or heavy addictions as addictive what about addictions to social media addictions to you know having yet another cup of tea or coffee um and each time you take whatever it is
That you’re you know looking to stimulate yourself with it has less effect doesn’t it the first time you have it it’s wonderful it tastes delicious or gives you a boost but the second time it’s not quite as good so if you’re not wise you actually keep having
More and more of it trying to get that initial hit without realizing that actually you’re looking in the wrong direction so these things can be enjoyed but not pursued because they ultimately are unsatisfactory disappointing transitory at best even the pleasure of like uh romance and relationships they
Say that for the first I think it’s something like it’s less than three years I think it’s only about one and a half years that you get a kind of hit of dopamine and all these uh even serotonin like quite nice kind of feely feely chemicals that connect you with your
Partner um but then if there’s not something something deeper there like a really deep and meaningful friendship often a child a child coming into the picture helps only then does do these other hormones like um oxytocin come up oxytocin is that right sounds funny oxytocin yeah so from dopamine from even
Adrenaline apparently is one of the initial um hormones that starts up you know you kind of get the fluttering heartbeat I mean I don’t know cuz it’s been 18 years I’ve been a n celibate for six before then so I don’t know but still you can feel that these chemicals
Are very shortlived and I mean I’ve run on a lot of adrenaline in this project and at some point my adrenal GL glands just crashed and I had this like a medically diagnosed burnout because you can only go so long even on that kind of um stimulated even wholesome happiness
That’s uh that’s kind of a little bit excessive a little bit um frazzles the mind with these hormones so yeah whatever it is in the world you know it has a certain amount of gratification but the Buddha also said there’s a danger to that especially if we get
Dependent on it and that there’s an escape so what kind of Happiness should we really be looking for and how did the Buddha define happiness and also the kind of happiness that can be born from suffering so um I wanted to share with you a very beautiful Su I’ve heard there
A lot Quaker people here um today is that true quite a few Quaker people I’m hoping that this is a sort of interesting too because I think these laws that the Buddha teaches are very Universal they’re sort of natural um phenomena almost uh sort of psychological processes that we can
Observe in ourselves so even though it’s taught by the Buddha it’s not obviously um limited to anyone who defines himself as a Buddhist as I said for me Buddhism is actually all about suffering and finding a way out it’s nothing to do with a label that we give ourselves it’s
Just that I’m in robes now so it’s kind of complicated when people say you’re a Buddhist n oh no I’m not a Buddhist you know but I just think so I just say yeah I’m a Buddhist anyway so this um particular teaching is from any people into the suits here or
Online um it’s from the angut nikaya the book of twelves and it’s number 23 so you can can go and check it out later and it’s called the OPA and I’m actually going to skip half of it and just say very briefly that the first half talks about the origin of
Suffering from basically beginning with delusion which in Buddhism means not really understanding things as they are so actually taking reality to be other than it is and in brief that’s defined as seeing things as permanent when they’re actually impermanent seeing things that are subject to suffering as happiness seeing things that are nonself
They basically don’t have any Identity or any sort of essence to them as self and also seeing what’s be seeing what’s ugly is beautiful that really means like doesn’t mean that everything’s ugly it just means things like the body are just body it’s made of blood flesh bones teeth skin hair
Whatever that’s what we actually see when we look at each other is like Bones skin hair that’s all we see thank goodness because otherwise it really would look very ugly um and just sort of glorifying it really seeing it as something more beautiful than it is so
It’s a kind of reality check and the Buddha is saying you know in in what’s called dependent origination which is the arising of suffering that it all starts from this delusion as to what reality really is not seeing things as they are but seeing them often as we
Just wish they would be but uh you know the reality is kind of in the face sometimes I think in Western culture less so but when I first went to India it was very eye openening to me and felt very um sobering in a sense because there are these realities of life and
Death and obviously the suffering of poverty and uh you know just overpopulation things not running on time time things being a little bit chaotic was very evident but also evident was that people would would live inside of that without denial you know they would learn to go with the flow
They’d learn to shove into the chain and kind of somehow let each other on and um they seem very in touch with the way things were and also that gave them a perspective on life and I by no means wish to glorify sort of difficulty in
Life but I did find that some white folks who would visit or people from more privileged so-called First World countries would be a little bit Condes oh these poor Indians you know they don’t have so much but actually they were the ones that found the conditions very uncomfortable they were the ones
That would get very angry if the train didn’t come on time and sometimes the Indian friends that I’d be with would just be quite shocked by how much anger these spoiled westerners would have when things didn’t go quite to plan and uh I could see that they had a sense of
Something a deeper meaning a sense of being connected to something bigger than themselves and uh that was where I first came in touch with the path anyway we won’t get to the suu if I keep di uh digressing but uh basically the Buddha is saying that it’s from uh
This lack of understanding the way things are that suffering arises and that suffering is obviously inevitable and he’s going through um the whole sequence of that which then leads into future birth whether or not you believe with in that whether you think that’s a future physical birth it is
Defined in the suts as physical birth literally descent into the womb whether an animal womb or human womb or whatever and from there suffering arises again with birth we’re born and it’s inevitable that we suffer so regardless of whether you think that’s coming later we have that
Now I certainly have a lot of suffering with my gastric condition I have another friend in Oxford who has um Ms she’s my age and we were talking about a chronic sicknesses and just how hard it is to navigate sometimes and yet also again how that can be a blessing in the sense
That we no longer um take our health for granted yeah anyway so we have the suffering caused by birth and quite often in the Buddhist teaching that continues to more suffering but here in the opis it’s very interesting because it kind of juxtaposes this dependent arising of suffering with something called
Dependent Liberation and it’s the path out of suffering which can happen at that point so this is a juncture which can either lead into more suffering the suffering that leads to more or the suffering that leads to the way out of suffering and here at the point of
Suffering the Buddha says that instead of going into all that sorrow and despair and you know kind of birth and death and the whole cycle continuing he says with suffering as a cause Faith or confidence can arise and confidence here means confidence or inspiration in the budd’s
Teachings in the fact that there can be some meaning found in this offering there can be it can be a source of compassion a source of wisdom you know for me that was very clear as I said when I first heard the teachings it gave me such a high it carried me through
Years of practice and serving others and and giving me such a sense of meaning in my life ultimately leading me to ordain and I’ll go into this in more detail across the three days but for now just to read this out so from suffering faith and then with faith or confidence
As approximate cause gladness can arise that’s Pomo in the Pary with gladness as approximate cause capture can arise known as py in the poy language with and this is now in the meditation arena with py or Rapture as a pro cause Tranquility arises Tranquility is when we get very
Still in our practice our body starts to settle our mind starts to quieten with Tranquility as approximate cause happiness arises so here you can already see this is a different kind of Happiness most of what we think of as happiness is stimulation isn’t it it’s uh excitement it’s uh something very a
Little bit coarse maybe even just a bubbliness but this kind of happiness is arising from Tranquility so it’s getting a a taste for a different kind of Joy then from happiness with happiness as approximate cause Samari Samari here is translated as concentration which is in my um tradition known as B bad translation
Actually the rest of it wonderful it’s buku bod’s translation but um but Samari really means a kind of quietening a calming a stilling of the Mind things coming together everything sort of unifying whereas concentration gives this idea of something becoming quite small and narrow and condensed and I think this is sometimes
Difficult and I’ll talk about this more as the retreat goes on but um this can sometimes lead to a lot of ere efforting on the part of meditators you know we think we’ve got to get our mind still we’ve got to focus on the object Don’t
Let It Go for any reason no matter what you know you’ve got to really kind of hold that object in mind and this leads to a lot of tightness and actually quite a lot of so-called spiritual ego you know I’ve got to get this and this stage
And got to get onto the breath got to get onto whatever it is whereas stilling the mind has a completely different field doesn’t it it’s much more spacious it’s much more natural um it’s something that happens as we can see here as the result of a cause and that causes happiness not ort
Not tightness not stress so happiness is really at the heart of this and the happiness born of peace and then it’s with that Stillness as approximate cause that the knowledge and vision of things as they really are arises so this is now the opposite of that uh
Delusion of Aid this is now VI it’s um seeing things in line with reality so seeing what’s impermanent as impermanent what’s suffering uh as suffering what doesn’t have any inherent self or Essence as nonself and what’s ugly is ugly what’s beautiful is beautiful we’re actually starting to Define these things
Correctly in line with the truth in line with with the truth in the sense that it leads to freedom of mind and then from there with um the knowledge and vision of things as they really are as the proximate cause revulsion arises which is a strong
Translation of the word niida but it’s a great translation because what it really means is that we we leave it alone we turn in a different direction there’s no judgment there remember this is coming from a very still very quiet and pure mind but we just leave the things that are
Suffering aside it’s as simple as you know putting down a hot coal if you pick up a hot coal or say if you get something yucky on your fingers you don’t think oh I should just be really peaceful with this just have a look at
How smelly it is and just don’t wash it you just you just wash it off you don’t have to have a version you just it’s natural isn’t it that you want to drop the hot coal wash your hand and uh and turn to something more beautiful so this uh revulsion is a kind
Of turning away from the things that don’t nourishes that don’t bring peace and turning toward a path of peace and of course this is very natural remember everything here is caused quite Naturally by its previous one and from there we get this dispassion or fading
Away Vaga is the par and that just means those things fall away from our mental field it perhaps even fall away in our life you know it’s like if you’re in a relationship that’s UNH wholesome that’s toxic or even abusive once you realize that you don’t think oh I better
Preserve that relationship you try and find a different path a way out and when you do that thing Fades away over time you know that person leaves your life or you leave theirs and um you’re no longer caught up with that anymore so the same thing in the
Mind and then with this dispassion or fading away as the approximate cause Liberation arises and the knowledge of the destruction of defilements defilements is a strange word I actually prefer the Tibetan word word which is the three poisons it basically means the roots of greed hate and
Delusion um I mean in a sense they defile the mind in the sense they obscure it from happiness but it just has quite a I don’t know judgmental note to it doesn’t it it sounds a bit o dirty we’re defiled you know caning off a bit
Of a guilt complex or shame which I don’t think is very helpful so uh yeah just saying seeing this as the uprooting of any tendency any possibility to to react anymore with greed hate or delusion yeah because there’s no need to if you understand how things are I mean
You’ve got a choice you can live in line with them which is obviously going to happen if you’ve removed those things or you can react and and fight with reality and that just makes more suffering more tension and then the Buddha ends this little uh teaching with a beautiful
Simile and I think this is a lovely simile to bear in mind for our practice because this whole practice the whole path is not about your ability okay so don’t be here thinking oh no I can’t meditate I can’t even understand what she’s talking about it doesn’t matter it
Really doesn’t matter in fact all of that is just um the wrong grasp of of a phenomena as a self as belonging to you you know nobody has a greater capacity ability than anybody else it’s all about a process about a process of cause and effect and just learning to put those
Causes in place so the Buddha says just as when the rain Pours Down in thick droplets on a Mountaintop the water flows down along the slope and fills the Clift the gullies and The Creeks these being full fill up the pools or the ponds these being full f
Fill up the Lakes these being full fill up the streams these being full fill up the rivers and these being full fill up the great ocean so too and then he goes through the whole sequence with delusion as the cause this whole mass of suffering arises I’m
Paraphrasing and then we come to the suffering with birth as a cause suffering with suffering as a cause confidence or inspiration in the teachings that there is a way out gladness Rapture Tranquility happiness Stillness knowledge and vision of things as they are fading away Turning Away fading away Liberation and the knowledge
Of the uprooting of greed hate and delusion so I don’t know how you feel about that but I think that’s very beautiful and very positive message but to finish the talk we do have to go back to suffering now I’m trying to kind of uh stage it you know between the
Happiness and the suffering so it’s not all about suffering but the Buddha did say that talk on suffering is very conducive to the holy life he said it’s um it actually leads to peace and to uh wisdom and to all of these things to Enlightenment to nibana itself so he did
Emphasize talking about it and for me I actually feel it’s quite a relief I think in my family we weren’t really allowed to talk about uh difficult emotions at any great depth it was kind of like you’re not angry are you no no no I’m not angry I’m not I’m
Not go to your room if you’re angry I mean I hope my parents aren’t listening because that’s just a it’s a parody really it’s not the whole truth but this is just our general attitude I think as human beings isn’t it that we don’t really want to talk about these things
We don’t want to look at them but for me I feel much more comfortable facing up to things and uh finding a way to understand so how does the process is get on the way and first of all of course to develop confidence how do we develop confidence we need to actually hear
These teachings uh if we haven’t heard them then we’re not going to have another way out sometimes we can be very judgmental of other people who don’t practice or who are lost you know you see the things going on in the world the appalling genocide that’s happening in Gaza I mean
These are extremes but they’re happening to people right this moment you know and we can think how is this possible as a human being you know and sometimes you look at people you think wow you know they’ve suffered how how is it possible that they can inflict the same suffering or Worse on
Others you know why can’t we learn from this and and we can get a little bit judgmental but how do we know how we would be if we hadn’t heard these teachings you know maybe we’re just incredibly fortunate to be in the right place at the right time and have
Guidance otherwise we could be just as lost and quite often you know know atrocious uh actions and violence is perpetrated because we’re around the wrong people we’re around the wrong ideologies and my teacher has a lovely phrase he says you know better than uh criticizing a bad ideology which can
Just make us as bitter and and obnoxious as anyone else it just present a more beautiful one so this is what the Buddha is trying to do you know and and we hear this beautiful Doctrine and gain inspiration and confidence in that and for me I
Think one of the most beautiful parts of hearing the teachings is that universality of the predicament that we’re in as I said before because if it only pertained to us we might just think oh there’s something wrong with me I used to think that what’s wrong with me
People say I shouldn’t suffer there’s nothing wrong in my life but I feel it I feel this heaviness I feel this kind of sense of oh just being a guest really at the the suffering that I’d hear about even on the news you know as a teenager
What are we supposed to do with this how can anyone hold this and then understanding that this is a universal thing can really bring up that compassion and that sense also of looking for a universal solution not a solution that just pertains to me in my life getting the right job the right
Partner and all the rest because that’s just a constant I don’t know how many people are still looking for that or you have a partner and it’s you know they’re not not perfect believe it or not because if they were they probably wouldn’t be with you right cuz you’re not either so um
Instead of that you know we just have this sense of the scope of it and the breadth of suffering um and start to look at what we can do so the Buddha said you know that um the whole teaching is contained in what he called the four
Noble truths and he used this lovely simile he said uh just as all the footprints of smaller elephants are contained in the elephant’s footprint you know any smaller elephant’s uh footprint can fit in that so too all the teachings are contained in these four noble truths and the first truth is the
Truth of suffering and he said uh suffering is to be understood right not suffering is to be wallowed in or to be rejected but suffering is to be understood the second one was the truth of the cause of suffering so he discovered this cause as craving wanting things to be different
Yeah wanting to push it away way or um not getting what we want being associated with you know the people that we don’t want to be with um and and resenting that wanting it to be different so any kind of wanting is the cause of suffering and he said that
Cause has to be abandoned so I love this because it’s practical right these things are there but then there’s an action point to take so it really suits my sort of analytical uh I know Western conditioned mind and then he said that there’s an end of suffering so this is the big yay
And that end of suffering is to be realized and for that of course he gave a path which is the last truth there is a path to the end of suffering and that path is to be developed and the beautiful thing was he said you know if
It wasn’t possible to develop that if it wasn’t possible to develop beautiful wholesome states of mind no matter what your situation he wouldn’t teach it but because it’s possible that means for everybody who has this precious human life it is possible if you’ve heard these teachings to develop beautiful wholesome states of
Mind to develop the whole path right up to Liberation he actually said the only people that can’t become liberated from all suffering and experience this peace this happiness that’s dependable that’s secure that’s stable the only people that can’t do that are people that have killed their parents anyone here taking a Gamble
Or raped to bonei so that’s quite unlikely and uh drawn the blood of an AR hat is that it I think that’s it so it’s unlikely um and they’re the only people so all this talk of whether you have enough parames or enough good Kama and
All the rest this is added later to the Buddhist tradition this is actually more from the Comon trees um I think these teachings on causality much more uh optimistic and effective than teachings on you’ve either got it or you’ve not you know it’s something that can be cultivated it’s something that’s a
Process and we can experience uh the benefit every step of the way the happiness isn’t only the goal it’s also the path right and this is showing that from any amount of suffering it can lead into happiness almost straight away through that confidence in the teachings so what is suffering let’s go
Back to the first Noble truth and Define it properly first of all we’re circling here so the Buddha said that uh suffering basically has all these different elements there’s the physical element there’s the emotional psychological element and there’s also this existential side of suffering that uh encompasses simply being
Alive so in par he said which basically means birth is suffering sometimes he says old age and then death so these are obvious birth old age and death and we can see them in the moment we can see them as a process you know it’s not getting easier is it
Anyone else here with a chronic condition will know sometimes people come to me and they say oh but you don’t have the right treatment I do have the right treatment I have the best treatment possible but chronic conditions worsen with age it’s just the way it goes and then the rest was soaa
It means crying lamentation despair sorrow grief you name it I mean we’ve experienced it I’m sure everyone in this room has experienced it at the loss of a loved one or a breakup or you know just the loneliness that we’ve been through as a society through this pandemic for
Example I mean I I got quite lonely and I was lucky I was on my own but I had a lovely online community that was developed throughout this time but after about a year and a half of seeing basically nobody except the people just outside my uh on the street from time to
Time um I started to feel quite lonely and wondered what the meaning of my life was who I could really share it with so there are all these kind of psychological emotional sufferings that we have to face um and then the most beautiful part of this well not quite the most okay I’m
Getting there um the next part is it basically means association with people that you don’t like or love that there’s no um good relationship with and uh being separated from those we do love yeah this is just part and parcel of life it happens you know if you’re not
Separated in this life then you’re separated at the end of life you know my parents have had a wonderful relationship for about more than 50 years now they’ve had a 50th Anniversary a couple of years back um yeah I mean in in many ways they’ve presented to me that a very secure and
Healthy relationship and I’ve seen that growing up but I always had that sense that oh isn’t there too much dependency there you know what happens where one goes and it does happen sometimes that you know even if everything goes well when you’re together at the end of life
One partner dies and the other partner goes very soon afterwards you know because they simply don’t know we don’t know right how to live without that person that’s been the central part of our life and we develop so much of an identity around and in relation to as
Well so this is inevitable no matter how smart and wise we are you know we have to be separated from those we love and from those things that we love as well and it can come suddenly you know look at the climate um crisis throughout the
World in a moment there could be a landslide there could be a mod slide or something could be struck by lightning or a flood even uh in my Chesterfield actually on my parents Road the whole thing was flooded at the bottom and nobody died but a couple of pets died in
The pet shop which was really sad cuz the Pet Shop got flooded yeah so you know we might think we’re sort of free from the worst disaster zones in this world but you just don’t know I’m sure that little guinea pig didn’t know it was its last day on Earth
Hopefully it’s been reborn maybe it’s I know got a better rebirth somewhere else and then the last part which is the existential part is that the Buddha is basically saying these five candas are suffering five candas are the way he um described this body and mind so he was
Basically trying to um group it into five easy categories so we can understand what’s going on so these five aspects of existence or components of existence are the body materiality whatever we whatever is basically belongs to this world material and then four aspects which are mental um so that’s the feeling part of
The mind that which knows pleasure pain and anything in between it’s a whole Spectrum um the feeling part and then uh the valtion of the mind so our ability to respond or react and um I’m sure I’m missing one here feel V SAA perception so that which perceives which uh knows which labels
And judges yeah so this is a person this is a a German person or this is a camera in front of me this is perception and perception can often be skewed right it can come with a lot of evaluations as well which is related again to this um reactive part of M the
Sankara and uh uh and then there’s the Consciousness itself am I still missing one no that’s it Consciousness but Consciousness is often translated as just Consciousness but but they’re actually six so there’s mind Consciousness Ear Eye Nose tongue and body Consciousness that’s I think six so all operating in their own sphere so
That’s just that which knows but it’s a process again it’s something that’s dependently uh Arisen and the Buddha said that these five in and of themselves are suffering yeah just to see just to hear perceive feel is suffering in other words not to get depressed but there’s something more than that
This is the point you know these are okay these are kind of they have their gratification but they change and because they change they can’t be depended upon right so there’s something Beyond these things that the Buddha is trying to point us towards and uh of
Course we can learn to use our mind especially our perception and our um choices if you like in skillful ways to bring about more happiness and less pain and this is really a lot large part of what we’re doing it’s uh a training in skillful use of perception looking at
The world looking at phenomena looking at ourselves in ways that um encourages the wholesome states to arise so as usual I’m talking too much before getting on to how we actually respond to this suffering in in in ways that help rather than create more of it and um there were kind of three
Responses I think this was um posited by the venerable kbod but I like this uh categorization very much he says that the normal responses that we either indulge in our suffering which sounds very masochistic doesn’t it but we do right I don’t know does anyone here do
That you know you’re sort of suffering oh poor me this always happens to me I remember like 22 and a half years ago in six days that something similar happened you know it’s going to be my destiny forever poor me this is my life and then
We play the sad song and you know we sort of look out at a drab View and we’re in the mood to suffer because yeah wallowing kind of gives us a sense of identity sometimes and uh you know it’s not to judge it but just to notice that we do have this
Tendency um to actually kind of get a bit sucked in and lose the perspective and I think this is the beauty of the Buddhist teaching is that he gives us that context and that perspective it’s a universal thing it’s inevitable but we have a choice whether
We wallow or uh whether we find a wise response if we’ve heard the teachings um and the next one that we tend to do a lot of is to try and push it away we don’t want to see it we want to you know resist it uh we distract
Ourselves with social media which makes it worse I know that because I have to go on there sometimes for you know promoting what I’m up to and the teaching events and then it’s like I’ll just look at a couple of posts there might be something inspiring and then
You realize half an hour went by and you feel wrecked you feel really tired it’s like I didn’t need an extra half an hour online you know but we’re trying to actually distract ourselves from what’s going on inside maybe just a bit of boredom or something that’s not that bad
If you look at it so uh yeah we want to get rid we want to reject sometimes we just avoid it outright I mean I’ve met even meditators who are practicing and I presumed kind of getting to know their emotional World getting to know their body how it works
Look at how they create suffering inside but then they told me afterwards no no I don’t do that at all I I just try to avoid it you know I meditate because I want to basically escape myself so we can even use meditation certainly we can use meditation in
Unskillful ways you know and a lot of the time this is what’s going on isn’t it we’re experiencing a pain and we think I don’t want this pain I didn’t come here to suffer it should be a bed not a silly little mat on the floor that’s got no decent
Cushions you know or emotional pain comes up ah I wanted to come here for peace I didn’t want to relive my past relationship or you know the boss at work shouting at me last week but these things come up because we haven’t processed them yet so we can try
And reject them or we can kind of follow the story line and wallow in it and create more and more suffering for ourselves or we can have a WI response and that wise response is um to be taken gently uh but it does involve a turning towards it involves going against the
Stream as the Buddha said his path is the opposite direction from the way of the world it’s actually turning towards these things in order to meet them and to understand so it’s not possible is it to understand something that we’re avoiding or something that we’re trying to
Sugarcoat we have to actually we start to learn how to be with it and there’s this very beautiful way to do it we don’t just go into it with our slightly frazzled mind but we go hand in hand with what the Buddha called three right intentions which are beautiful qualities
Of mind one of them is uh called letting go or renunciation and in this context to me in meditation it really is related to that sense of perspective that the Buddha is trying to instill in us this idea that this is not my suffering this is just cause and
Effect this is nature you know it’s nature just arising for for because of a cause and it doesn’t belong to me I don’t have to identify with it and think this is a problem or this is my fault you know this is something I have to um
Feel ashamed for let me just see if I can look at this with a sense of this is nature you know we let go of that sense of ownership that sense of control in a way and just allow things to play out but he didn’t say only go to it with
That because that sounds a bit aloof a bit cool he also said we have to have loveing kindness Avia which means non-ill will so there’s this myth of mindfulness that it can be such a thing as bear but the fact is however we’re aware is conditioned by our Tendencies our
Psychological makeup you know we might be someone who’s a little bit um controlling or sometimes has more aversion in the mind than a natural sense of love and acceptance uh because we’re not enlightened right I certainly have a little bit more of the critical side going on than than the greed so for
Me the meta is very very uh important as a way of looking and so we actually try to put these things this sense of loving kindness between our s and the object as I said earlier you know it’s not about just grabbing that object and hold holding on to it it’s actually noticing
That you’re in relationship with whatever arises in your mind there is a relationship there and in that space between you and whatever arises whether it’s something beautiful or something that you don’t really want to see we can have that lovely sense of friendliness that sense of warmth even a sense of
Curiosity and inquiry okay how are you today you know okay sadness what is it you want to tell me you can I just give you some space here can I listen to you can I be gentle and kind so we apply these beautiful motivations these kind of ways of relating it’s a disposition
Of mind to whatever is right there and this can help us to meet and also to stay with it for longer so that we can understand what’s happening in our mind and then lastly and then we’ll meditate uh we can go in there with an attitude of compassion the Buddha call that aaka
Which means means non cruelty yeah this is also very nice if you consider that cruelty can be a disposition towards phenomena we can be cruel with ourselves we can be cruel towards what we’re experiencing I don’t want this this shouldn’t be happening go away you know um cruel to ourselves
Thinking that I don’t know somehow we’re to blame or at fault for what’s arising in our mind you know how many people have those voices inside that inner tyrannical voices yeah honest people thank you yeah we we think oh you know you really should be Beyond this you’ve
Been a n now 18 years you shouldn’t have this voice but I had a little bit of a guilt thing because of uh silly little things like eating a bit after 12 and I told my teacher because as Buddhists monastics we can confess these things he’s like what would you say to someone
Else I’m like well I just say oh you know it was Christmas anyway he’s like yeah exactly you know just look at the causes and just make sure you know you’re more careful with the causes next time but yeah I still felt a bit like oh you know we just got this lovely
Monastery and I mean it’s really a small thing right it’s not even unethical as such but I can still have these voices as well that think oh you you know you’re not doing well enough you’re not you’re not worthy of such a great teacher and all this support you know
And uh we have to notice these and then see if we can be a little bit more compassionate a bit understanding with ourselves and stop judging ourselves so hard yeah and stop judging each other so hard as well because we’re all in it together and I’m
Sure on this Retreat some of you will have some moments of you know tension or distraction or boredom or down right pain emotional pain physical pain and they’ll also you’ll also have P times of quiet and Times of peace and feeling engaged with the practice feeling
Inspired so all of us are in it together so um with this little overview it was a longer talk because it’s the first of the retreat and I wanted to uh paint the picture we shall uh go into some meditation and uh in the afternoon we’ll get more into the happiness
Part so um if you want to stretch if you desperately need to pee pee then please go ahead uh otherwise just have a stretch so for the people online as well I think we might go on for about 35 minutes so we’ll go about 10 minutes longer than we is that
Okay okay cuz the talk was a little longer so making your body as comfortable as you can before we begin the meditation and whether or not you’re used to meditating see if you can check in with what your body really needs now rather than sitting in postures you feel you should adopt
If you can it’s helpful it can be helpful to have a fairly straight spine but sometimes if you have a back problem or you’re feeling tired it’s okay to sit against a wall or the back of a chair even to lie down especially for those online you might have a favorite sofa
Even your bed so just see what your body and your mind need right now and it can help to gently close your eyes and come in contact with the feelings in the body which give you feedback about the way you’ve positioned your back your limbs your
Botex my knee is asking for a little bit of loosening up so I’m going to give it the time and space to show my body I really care if you’re Seated on a chair you might want to check how your knees are feeling sometimes you might find that
Moving your feet slightly forward of the knees can help relieve any pressure Maybe noticing whether or not your thighs are a little bit clenched tighten up allowing them to relax that’s outward and checking your shoulders and other area that we tend to hold a lot of tension tightening defense perhaps from one
Another maybe just rolling back your shoulders to loosen them up and allow them just to drop down wherever they’re comfortable maybe adjusting the position of your arms your hands giving your fingers space and sensing the space around you recognizing we’re here together with people we may not know yet but who share
The same intention the same wish to offer ourselves themselves some space some peace the people we’re with the people we can trust that have no bad intention other than to the only intention is to practice to develop on the path and allowing yourself a few deep breaths to help you
Arrive into your body gently and into this space relaxing more fully with each out breath so if you wish you could follow me in a simple body scan to help us arrive more fully into this moment starting from the top of the head and to help the process feel natural and easeful
Imagining your mindfulness like the light of the sun shining on the top of your head right now Illuminating any Sensations you experience maybe clearly maybe not so clearly just letting that be and along with this mindfulness the light of the sun is the warmth the kindness the
Friendliness and you can say sense that warmth that kindness relaxing whatever you experience letting it be establishing that relationship of friendship of care of respect just soaking up these beautiful Golden Rain of the sun your mindful or kindful awareness and allowing that to spread to soak right through your face your forehead
As though you were perhaps sitting back in a deck chair or comfy armchair just receiving these gentle rays of sunshine on your face opening up any tightness or tension that you have maybe in your brow relaxing your eyes your cheeks your jaw and bringing you in touch with whatever Sensations you experience
Sensations that are real that are happening now bringing you more and more fully into this present moment away from the conceptual part of the Mind and as this kindness and mindfulness the light and warmth of the sun travels Down through the neck and to the shoulders you start to feel into your shoulders just receiving whatever experience manifests there right now and being kind to it allowing it to be soaking up this beautiful sunshine through your arms your elbows your lower arms all the way down to your
Hands your palms fingers and fingertips allowing your arms to relax and spreading through your throat your chest throughout the whole torso just gently Illuminating any Sensations you experience from your ribs right across the chest maybe deep inside as though you’re simply soaking up the golden rays of the Sun imbued with kindness and
Warmth that massages caresses any part any feeling in your torso in your belly any part that may feel tense or tight perhaps spending longer there suffusing that area with kindness and care just allowing it to be I’m being so gentle moving on if you start to notice you’re reacting or
Getting tight just loosening allowing the awareness to move to flow spreading all across your back down the spine and down to your hips until your whole torso is suffused with kindfulness and perhaps you start to pick up more of what’s going on noticing perhaps many different Sensations maybe tingling or throbbing
Aching or a pinching sensation whatever it is treating it with friendship respect and care just allowing it to be and feeling into your bcks noticing any sensation in your bottocks maybe pressure or weight maybe warmth without judgment moving down through your thighs perhaps deep into the muscles wherever your mindfulness
Flows bringing along with it that kindness that warmth and noticing your knees the back of the knees giving them some extra care the knees work so hard see if you can relax with any Sensations that may be more intense maybe piercing or aching just allowing it to be and being gentle if you
Find your knees are taking too much strain you can still adjust them very slowly and mindfully with an attitude of compassion and care notice how they respond and feeling into your legs your shins your calves all the way down to the feet the heels the SES the toes
As though the whole leg area from the hips to the toes were just bathed in Golden Sunshine allowing them to deeply relax and allowing this awareness to expand to include much of your body perhaps the whole body with all its various Sensations imagining your body illuminated Now by this beautiful Golden Sunshine
And perhaps noticing any areas that are still a little tight or tense what what is needed for them to relax perhaps some more spacious gentle expansive awareness a deeper sense of acceptance friendship what is your attitude your disposition to your experience right now just noticing without any judgment e e just
Enjoying the beauty of this one moment at a time with whatever sensation you experience right now or perhaps with the breath if the breath comes to mind allowing the breath to be another anchor a resting place bringing you into to the here and now just resting with kindness with whatever comes to mind
So we’re coming to the end of the medit ation just notice how you feel now and why what was the effect of mindfulness and kindness on your experience how did kindness help to soothe and relax the body and mind if there’s a little bit more peace in the
Mind can you notice the happiness of that a lessening of suffering of stress or if the mind is distracted tired or irritated how are you relating to that can you respond compassionately recognizing these things have a cause and extend your friendship to those unwanted emotions as well being so kind and gentle with
Yourself allowing yourself to be to feel welcome Just As You Are so ring the bell and at the end of the ring you can gently open your eyes if you wish and we do a little bit of walking meditation or if you prefer you can carry on schedule is
Optional of course lunch is not optional cuz no one ever skips their lunch but the rest is a guideline so please feel free to to listen into your body and mind to whatever you most need from time to time but on the schedule we have some walking
Meditation and um you can have it for as long as you like it’s supposed to be until 12 but you can do it a bit longer if you wish you have a long lunch break until half past 1 so um would anybody here like to have a
Little bit of guidance as to how the walking meditation can go or are you familiar with walking meditation would you like like a few words about that anyone yep okay so walking meditation is really just another posture to continue your practice in and it can be very lovely to help maintain the
Continuity so but also give the mind a little bit more to engage with and um sometimes that’s helpful if you’re sleepy or tired uh other times sleepiness and tiredness you might just need a rest you know so always on the first day of retreat for
Me as well there’s a lot of that um so if you wish you can lie down from time to time but at other times it might be just that your mind’s a bit distracted or um not quite engaging yet with the retreat and the walking can help because
There’s a lot more to be aware of when we’re walking and uh so generally speaking we start by choosing a walking path and here there are a couple of rooms upstairs and also the basement where um you can choose you just find a little a
Spot in the room and you walk along the um the shortest direction don’t walk along the really vert the kind of is it vertical one but walk horizontally um and you just have one stretch so you’re walking from one side to the next and then turning round and coming
Back and do it fairly naturally but at a slower Pace than you do outside because there’s not a lot of steps and we just try to establish our mindfulness and kindness My Teacher Calls that kindfulness which is rather genius I think um kindness and mindfulness
Together uh in the same way that we did when we were sitting so just having a friendly attitude towards uh your experience and also um feeling into your experience coming away from the idea of the think thinking about your experience but actually feeling the sensations so try to put that awareness
In the feet and maybe in the legs if you wish um and then we start to walk so you can see my hands the feet are standing here imagine this is the feet and we just gently lift up one foot and we’re aware of the feelings in the foot as it
Rises and then moves and then comes back to the ground so you feel into the sensation it’s very easy to feel the weight the pressure and any Sensations in the moving part of the foot and then we do the same with the other foot so the idea is that we’re trying to arrive
In every moment we’re trying to arrive with every step rather than get onto the next step and just uh really be aware of how it feels to walk um you can see it as just the physical feelings you can even see it as the intentions to lift the leg and to
Move it and to place sit down just see what’s involved in that whole process because we do it so subconsciously most of the time but there’s a lot going on and uh one tip is to notice from time to time if you’re getting a little bit tight because we’re walking quite slowly
And the mind can get very kind of small in a way and focused in so just keep relaxing the body from time to time maybe at the end of the path just again reestablish a connection with the whole posture standing okay mind fulness kindness and then turning and then walking back so
The whole thing can be quite um fairly slow compared to your normal walking but again try not to make it unnatural like if you start to get tight just relax a little bit or maybe expand the scope of your aware the area of your awareness from the foot to include the whole leg
For example so just adapt it to whatever um feels good to you and like with all meditation there’s no um desired result so just see if you can enjoy the process you know don’t think about um where it’s leading and you’ll probably find that the mind starts to calm and this can be
A lovely sort of practice in and of itself especially for people who maybe find it difficult to sit for longer you can actually do more walking throughout the day um but even otherwise even if you like sitting try to include some walking meditation because it’s a lovely
Way to get that continu in your daily life even if you’re just walking from here up to having the tea instead of just like having this image of the tea in your mind and the queue and how you’ve got to hurry see if you can instead be aware of
Each step on those stairs and um in this way we can create a really beautiful peaceful sense of continuity and uh a lot of care as well for the other retreatant here so because we’re all um yeah we’re going to get kind of softer and slower as the time
Goes by so we can be considerate of one another in keeping that uh that momentum that continuity and also awareness of the space that we share so is that okay is that enough um yeah I guess lastly I just say the end start and end of the
Path a really good opportunities to just reset so you don’t have to worry if you lose your awareness halfway through never mind you’re going to come to the end of the path reestablish it and go forward okay so you can do that if you wish for however long you like um maybe
What should we do should we do a bell or not or should we just let PE I think no Bell huh no Bell silence okay and uh walk for as long as you like and then at half past 1 which is ages away we come back here for some more uh
Dharma reflection and guided meditation okay so between now and then you’ll be having your lunch that also can be done meditatively so enjoy having your lunch okay and have a rest have a lie down in here if you want it has to remain silent in here and no food and drink I think
Maybe water’s okay but you can come in here in that break and just lie down okay so see you soon