Elementary School In A Nutshell

Elementary School In A Nutshell

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(I was the fastest kid in my school)

listen bro in this world there’s levels to clout you could get yourself some Instagram followers you could stack up a few bands you could even be famous but there’s only one spot in life that is superior to the rest a spot So Glorious and sought after that they are idolized like no other it’s me I’ve got the infinite money glitch come on Jimmy you know it’s me I need a Max win man shut the [ __ ] up Drizzy I’m literally Kanye West nah but I’m the top G all right little let’s go ban for band then it’s me but but I’m the fastest kid in my school bro I don’t know who decided speed would be the deciding factor for who’s the king of the school but all I’m going say is that motherfucker’s the goat bro because I was the fastest kid in my school I was clapping everyone in races I was breaking track records and I had all the 9-year-old baddies man I wish I could still pull like that all right it’s just a miscommunication you know like when when I say 9-year-old baddies I didn’t mean like explain it to the judge buddy sick [ __ ] and because I peaked in elementary school come with me and we’ll take a look back at some of the first years of our lives and maybe some of the best am I right kindergarten coming into kindergarten kids were either excited or terrified as [ __ ] for their first day I mean I would be pretty [ __ ] pissed too if I knew this was the beginning of me being locked up every day for 13 years but Kindergarten was funny as hell because these kids had no clue what was right and wrong so they saying the most outrageous [ __ ] for no reason at all bro hey buddy with the hat can you pass me the skin color crayon um I mean at this age kids were just walking NPCs and I can’t even blame them I mean they haven’t developed Consciousness yet bro like at this age recess consisted of catching bugs playing on the monkey bars and [ __ ] eating sand and I’ve talked about the high school bathrooms and all the wild [ __ ] that happens in there but to be honest the elementary school bathrooms blow that [ __ ] up out the water bro cuz these kids aren’t hitting Vape tricks no they’re hitting toilet trick shots trying to set some world record for the farthest piss taken from the toilet and let’s just say even Stephen Curry couldn’t Splash that three-pointer so essentially [ __ ] was just pissing on the ground like you need to walk into that bathroom 110% alert or else the next thing you know you’re getting that R Kelly treatment bro and I remember my kindergarten had those green yellow and red cards to show how good you were that day but there was always that one kid with the permanent red I’m talking the teacher didn’t even bother to change his [ __ ] the next day cuz everyone knows as soon as he walks into class he’s doing some [ __ ] [ __ ] for me was this kid will call Dennis cuz he was a menace bro he was always loud always throwing [ __ ] but besides being a menace he was also a truth speaker a fact spitter For Better or For Worse cuz this little guy had no filter okay Leah you’re up first for our Show and Tell okay um I brought my favorite pain of mine uh this right here this one’s me and this is my dog peanut butter that [ __ ] is ass Dennis what did we say about saying the truth out loud I I mean I mean not not the truth I’m I’m talking about he was the only dude I knew who could talk over the quiet coyote I mean to this day if I see one of those things I just can’t like I just can’t talk over it I mean maybe he’s going to eat me I don’t [ __ ] know but there was one thing that could shut Dennis up and one thing only boy girl seating arrangements Dennis always had so much to say until you put them beside Isabelle and Leah and all of a sudden it’s like hey what are you drawing nothing aw is that your dog maybe [ __ ] he’s just like me for real like to this day you know oh [ __ ] and then we go outside for lunch and don’t get me wrong eating sand for fun was great and all but as kids got older everyone started to play games some of which consisted of tag Manhunt soccer basketball grounders red ass kickball jump rope tether ball and what is possibly the most most goated game of all time four square this game was legendary bro but this [ __ ] used to get heated as [ __ ] I mean kids were making trues making whole Clans and that right there was real beef like if you CAU the Ops lacking at nap time it was on site bro what oh no wait wait you’re a poopy but man crushes were everything in elementary school like if you told anyone you had the smallest crush on a girl Bo’s getting out fast and the entire class is going to be organizing a wedding for tomorrow but some kids just didn’t use their words like this one girl in my Elementary School who most definitely had a crush on me I mean once again I I was the fastest kid in my elementary school so as I was saying this girl had a crush on me but she didn’t like using her words so essentially she just like she just beat my ass I mean what better way to tell someone you like them and she must have really liked me bro cuz you could see it when I came home like oh my God chains what happened oh when well uh I think this girl at school likes me oh yeah that that’s great but but why do you have so many bruises well well Mom I think she really likes me no I think you need to go to the hospital yeah yeah probably and there was also that one kid who went around teaching people swear words just cuz he could and of course when I learned some shiny new words I’m going to use them I mean I still [ __ ] do but I remember just talking with my friends dropping the f bomb feeling cool as hell and then one time I see this girl hauling ass over to the teacher and whispering in her ear and I already knew what was going down because this girl was the biggest snitch known to man like unprovoked it was like a hobby or some [ __ ] to her and her name was Aaron like her real name was Aaron spelled e r i n yeah how’s it feel to get snitched on buddy but getting in trouble in elementary school was tough cuz they would act like you were committing war crimes for the smallest things like when I got snitched on for swearing I was in grade four I was a big boy you know what I’m say saying but my teacher was pissed bro chains you can never say that word it’s horrendous um what does horrendous mean it’s not good okay a [ __ ] my bad chains oh sorry it’s just stuck in my [ __ ] brain chains cut it out right now or you get detention okay I’m sorry I’m sorry [ __ ] and I’m not going to lie the most cursed part of elementary school was the talent shows bro cuz the teachers expect you to be all quiet and serious and [ __ ] but it was literally real life try not to laugh like how am I supposed to be serious when Jimmy’s up there [ __ ] out Minecraft parodies like it’s comedy gold I mean that my school it was less of a talent show and more of a come on stage in front of the entire school and do whatever the [ __ ] you want for 10 minutes type of show and man that [ __ ] was brutal it was like watching paint drive but if the paint was 7 years old and standing on a stage in front of the entire School nervous as hell [ __ ] his pants cuz Elementary School had some weird kids bro like those kids who used to put glue on their hands to let it dry so they could peel it off or the kid would just straight up eat the glue or the weird kid who would secretly take a bite out of every single foam football like how are you that hungry the kid who only wore shorts through rain and snow the kid who was mad at everyone for no reason the kid who wouldn’t stop yapping the kid who always had to flex how strong their dad is my dad is so much stronger than yours he can beat up your dad with his pinky finger he can bet press 625 lb wait wait what even is that you don’t know what a bench press is no no no what the [ __ ] is a dad the kid who thought he was Albert Einstein the snitch named Aaron lives at 354 Stickman W the fake snitch bro bro you won’t believe what I just did wh what’ you do I just put my juice box in the recycling get this with the straw inside I’m telling the teacher I’m chill teacher teacher uh Jackson yeah can I go to the bathroom the teacher’s pet named Aaron e r i n postal code 3310 and of course the fastest kid in the school you know what I’m saying that was me I I was him I was the fastest kid in my