U.S. Marines vs. UK Special Forces – Who Wins Paintball?

Last year I surprised my friends at a paintball party with the SAS… The UK Special Forces. And they absolutely destroyed my friends. But after that video came out, a buddy of mine in America, whose name is Preston… PRESTON: What’s going on? Sent me a text. ‘The US Marines would destroy the SAS.’ Oh, really? Well let’s test that. I hired some US Marines and a squadron of the SAS, to take each other on in a series of paintball challenges, all whilst under the command of myself, and Preston. So that we could determine once and for all which country had the better Special Forces. PRESTON: America! But what Preston didn’t know, was all of the challenges involved me and Preston being the targets. [SCREAMING] [DRAMATIC CRESCENDO] Preston was over in London for a couple of days so I thought I’d give him the most British time imaginable. We drank some pints… Watched men kick a ball around, and then I had one more surprise in store for him: I wanted to take him to a classic British pub. PRESTON: Like… Like chant USA? MAX: [LAUGHS] Yeah! That is one way to make sure that everybody – literally everyone – will love you. I’ve heard people really like that here. You guys drink warm beer? Yeah. Just as warm as it gets. MAX VOICEOVER: But the further into the countryside we got, the more suspicious Preston became. This doesn’t really feel like where a pub would be. It feels like we’re driving into the forest. MAX V/O: And that’s because, we were. Go- Go paintball. PRESTON: [LAUGHS] No dude! MAX V/O: No, Preston, we weren’t going to the pub at all. So we will be paintballing, but, there is a twist. OK. PRESTON: Are we going to be on a team? MAX: We are playing with some friends of mine. If you’ve seen the last video I think you can work out who the friends of mine… No! Preston… [LAUGHTER] MAX: These gentlemen are the SAS, highly trained operatives from the United Kingdom. PRESTON: I’m kind of scared. MAX V/O: But there was one more thing that Preston needed to know. So, you texted me, six months ago after the first paintballing video. ‘The US Marines, could of course beat the SAS’. So today, I will be fighting with the SAS. OK. And you’ll be fighting with the US Marines. From a similarly secret source, just with a different accent, I’d bought four ex-US Marines along, to be on Preston’s team. So after a brief hello, Preston signed a waiver to say it’s not my fault if he’s blinded by a paintball. PRESTON: Is this me signing my life away? INSTRUCTOR: Yeah, something like that. You’ve always got to read the terms and conditions. And then it was time to prepare, for battle. MAX: I think you’d look great in this. I have a feeling this is going to be covered, and this is going to be clean. MAX V/O: And as the two newly appointed generals prepare to lead their squadrons into battle, let’s meet the teams. First up, Max Fosh, and Preston Summerrow. Neither know how to fight and are basically two genres of the same man. Preston would be leading the US Marines, the only thing more American than a bald eagle eating a hot dog. And I would be in charge of a group of men with more foreign tools than Taylor Swift – the SAS. PRESTON: I’ve never done this before. MAX: Well done, chaps. MAX V/O: Each team would be facing each other in three challenges, with either Preston or I suffering a forfeit if we lose. For the first game of the day: the gauntlet. Preston and I would take it in turns to run across the arena, collect our country’s flag, and return back to the starting point. All the while, the opposing team soldiers have to hit the runner, as many times as possible. The winner? Whoever gets hit the least amount of times. There’s not much to understand, guys. You see the guy in white and you spray the [POP] out of him. MAX V/O: Things were not looking good for our pristine white suits. PRESTON: So it’s here, and then all the way across the other side? MAX: And back. PRESTON: Oh, that’s far. MAX V/O: And the first one to be target practice, was me. INSTRUCTOR: Three… INSTRUCTOR: One… Game on! [HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS] [MAX SCREAMS] [MAX SCREAMS] INSTRUCTOR: Game over! PRESTON: Aaaah! Ow! Ooooow! Great job, Americans. MAX V/O: Next up, Preston versus the British Special Air Service. MAX: Good luck. PRESTON: Thank you. MAX V/O: But little did I know Preston had created some of his own luck. INSTRUCTOR: Three… Two… INSTRUCTOR: Game on! PRESTON: Oh my God! Ow! Aaah! Ah! Oh my God! Ah! [PRESTON LAUGHS] I asked the people at the front desk. It didn’t really work, to be honest. MAX V/O: Both of us had been absolutely peppered with shots, but it looks like the umbrella took most of Preston’s hits. With self- protection not technically against the rules, I did have to let it fly, and it was time for Paintball Dom to assess the damage. PAINTBALL DOM: The Army did a great job, but Max was quick. With Preston, you really impressed me, but the umbrella did a great job, as well. So, the winners, are the US Army. PRESTON: Yeah! MAX V/O: Thanks in part to Preston’s good old American ingenuity, it was one-nil to Uncle Sam’s boys. But could the SAS even the score in game number two? Next up: Bodyguard. Preston and I, with no weapons, will need to be protected, by our team, from the opposition. We must make our way from the starting point, collect a secret item, and bring it to the finish line at the other side of the map. Once again, the winner is whoever completes the challenge, while getting hit the least. First up this time: Preston. PRESTON: Hands in, USA on three. MAX V/O: With one of the most lackluster USA chants I’ve ever heard… 1, 2, 3, USA! PRESTON: OK. [LAUGHS] MAX V/O: It was go time. I’m not sure about Preston in this round. This could be a slaughter. INSTRUCTOR: US Army! [INAUDIBLE] Three… two… one… Game on! MAX V/O: The US were off to a blazing start, with Preston sprinting straight for the secret item. [VIDEO GAME DING] Looks like Preston’s found the special item. [SLURP] PRESTON: I’ve never been more hydrated. Paintball’s thirsty work, so this video is sponsored, by Air Up. Air Up is just water but it works through something called retronasal taste. Hm! ‘Wild Berry’, as if I’ve picked those berries from this forest right here. Ow, that’s a nettle. PRESTON: Oh! It’s recommended that big boy adults like myself drink two litres of water, every single day, and my Air Up bottle helps me get through, those pesky millilitres. With such flavours as Raspberry, Bubblegum, and Cherry Cola. [PRESTON LAUGHS] But for me, I’ll stick to my Wild Berry. PRESTON: Thanks very much. Guys, if you want some, use the promo code Fosh10 for 10% off! PRESTON: Should I make a run for it? Air Ups help me cut down on my fizzy drink intake and basically, help me drink lots more water. So thanks Air Up, and thanks for sponsoring the video. [PRESTON BREATHES HEAVILY] Alright, I think it’s my turn. Am I in pain? Yeah. Great job, guys, really destroyed me. [LAUGHS] I got hit the neck, and the head, but dude, I was so hydrated. MAX: That was good, OK. MAX V/O: Now it was the Brits’ turn, and thankfully for this round it sounded like they were slightly more prepared. Well, what should we do? MAX: OK. I’ll be sticking with one of my soldiers, while the rest of the team will distract the opposition. INSTRUCTORS: 3… 2… 1… Go, go, go! The plan was paying off. SAS SOLDIER: 3, 2, 1, let’s go. We managed to secure the secret item, without a lick of paint on me. [VIDEO GAME DING] SAS SOLDIER: There you go, good job. 3, 2, 1, move. But then, disaster. MAX: Ah, shit. With my sole protector out of the game, and the rest of my team locked in a firefight, I had to risk the hits and make a run for it. For England! [MAX SCREAMS] [MAX BREATHES HEAVILY] Got hit in the head. Ow. PRESTON: Wow! Did it break on your- on your face? MAX: Yeah. But what were the official results of game number two? PAINTBALL DOM: Based on the levels of paint, we are going to give the win… to the SAS. MAX: Yeah! One all! One a piece. With two games complete and the scores even, it was becoming clear we had an unstoppable force, against an immovable object. That was so sweaty, and we drew. PRESTON: A proper tie. With no final way to decide it. I feel like… it should be mano a mano. Standoff? I think there’s only really one way in which we can settle this. With the score tied at one game each, there was only one way to decide the winner. No soldiers, no bodyguards, two YouTubers, and only one shot each. Good luck, Max. Good luck. INSTRUCTOR: Five… Four… Three… Two… One… Fire! [SHOT] [SHOT] [IMPACT SOUND] [SAD VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS] PRESTON: Ah! Ah! Ah… Preston? You OK? Preston? PRESTON: Hey man. Good shot. And there you have it, the US and UK Special Forces may have been evenly matched, but when it comes to floppy-haired YouTubers, the UK wins hands down. 10 days later back in LA, it was time for Preston to carry out his forfeit, and before he does, make sure you go give him a sub. He’s making the best vids on YouTube right now, in my opinion, and he’s an absolute gent.