Series 17, Episode 1 – ‘Grappling with my life.’ | Full Episode

Flanked by his efficient assistant Alex Horne, Greg Davies returns to remorselessly judge five quaking comics desperate to get their hands on his fabled golden head trophy. Joanne McNally, John Robins, Nick Mohammed, Sophie Willan and Steve Pemberton are the contestants hoping they still have a career after tasks involving roller blinds, a floating primate and, as is traditional, eggs.

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In this Broadcast Award-winning, BAFTA and Emmy Award-nominated entertainment show, Taskmaster tyrant Greg Davies (Man Down, Cuckoo), with the help of his loyal assistant Alex Horne (The Horne Section and the show’s creator), sets out to test the wiles, wit and wisdom of five hyper-competitive comedians.

Comedians that have risked life, limb, and dignity in the hope of making the Taskmaster proud so far include: Frank Skinner (The Frank Skinner Show), Mel Giedroyc (The Great British Bake Off), Romesh Ranganathan (Asian Provocateur), Hugh Dennis (Outnumbered), Sally Phillips (Bridget Jones’ Diary), Rose Matafeo (Edinburgh Comedy Award Winner 2018), and Russell Howard (The Russell Howard Hour). Unaware of what awaits them in each wax-sealed envelope, only one competitor can become the victorious owner of His Royal Task-ness’ golden head and be crowned the next Taskmaster Champion.

[Music] [Applause] well well W oh no no yes um wind yeah Christ wrong way that’s how you do it baby okay oh my [Music] [Applause] [Music] God hello hello welcome welcome I’m Greg Davis welcome to a brand new series of Taskmaster it’s great to be back and since we were last on air I’ve met so many of you on my travels and just to start the new series as I mean to go on can I just say genuinely if you’re one of the many people that came up to me in the street over the last couple of months and had a photograph with me on your phone I want you to know this despite my smiles and what I said I did resent being asked and you did ruin my night stop it let’s crack on and see what the new five look like huddled together on their chairs their eyes on this prize a trophy of a man who doesn’t have a beard or glasses it’s not me please welcome Joan mcnell John Robins Nick muhamed Sophie Willen and Steve cumberton and sitting next to me is the Harry to my Megan Marco a little ginger who started to realize that he’s paired up with one sassy Queen hello hello Greg how you doing dangerous as always good just a bad boy I’ll do anything honestly I’ll do absolutely anything I don’t care yeah see this right here we go kind of worms I I’ll open that oh he is actually worms yes worms I’ll tell you now without looking at him that’s the end of what he’s prepared are you saying I there should be more stuff now no there should be some sort of punch line yeah so this but now is the punch line everyone was in a great mood and really looking forward to it now look at this that’s what happens when you because there’s a room for okay all right I mean you got a range of Applause out of it qu in quite manipulative fashion I think let’s get the first of our prize tasks underway then shall we underway right away and for this episode you’ve asked them to bring in something pretty important it’s this the most glorious thing that sounds a bit like Greg Davis if you Mumble it the most glorious thing will get five points and the winner of this first episode will take home five things which all sound a bit like Greg Davis if mumbled over to you BL this right Joan yeah what you in I brought in a jug it sounds like Greg Davis when mumbled yeah GL glow gra glow gravies a jug of gravy yes thank you Steve she has brought in a glug jug gug jug it looks like this it’s called a there you go look that’s called Aug called a gravy what do you mean it’s called a glug jug when you pour it out it makes a glug sound of it makes that’s it it makes a glog sound it has glog Acoustics it goes GL look look Greg Davis yes I know so what rhymes with Davis gravis thank you I think we’ve established everything I need to establish before I give you one point John what have you brought in I brought in Greek Diaries sound like you’ve actually brought me in John I’ve brought in Greg’s Diaries the Diaries of Edvard Griggs a Norwegian composer here they yeah they are wow that’s is it a glorious thing it is going to be the most glorious thing have you heard his concerto say I had to read the book and it’s mainly about his desperate unhappiness at school his his glorious unhappiness I like gre’s Diaries hi Greg we are contrasting physical characters we are in what regard I’ll leave it as a Mist what have you brought in I went for exic can you say it again exic you saying exg Benedict I am who would have thought Joanne would be back in the game yeah here’s the Benedict it’s difficult to mumble Benedict ICT in to Davis for sure not if you breathe out I think if you breathe out hey let me give it a go yeah Benedict Sophie I’ve met your aunt and uncle pman Willer she was missw in 1962 and she was saying oh I this he’s on tell my nephew yeah he’s tall it took us ages but we got that do you know what’s genuinely fascinating about this yeah is is I know very well who my aunties and uncles are and they are not Pam and willly believe that they’ve been telling a lot of fibs yeah yeah they’re lying all right uh what have you brought in Egg Babies Egg Babies will you Mumble it for me Egg Babies yes Egg Babies man that is good thank you baby still exist people trained to be a parent by holding an egg baby for up to two months who are these people well me and my wife right that’s very good Sophie thank you I’m quite proud of them Steve what have you brought in that rhymes with Greg Davis so I was mumbling your name and I came up with uh PG Mavis that P Mavis M Mavis P Mavis P Mavis it’s Mavis from Coronation Street as a peg doll oh God and here she comes this is tough yeah yeah come on re did the picture did he yeah Mavis Riley Mavis Wilton played by Thelma Balo so I actually sent Peg Mavis to Thelma Balo um to see if I could get her endorsement of Peg Mavis and she sent me a lovely signed card there she is that’s to Steve good luck from Thelma after I got Peg Mavis back from Thelma bow I sent Peg Mavis to to the actual coronation streets and I think it was a very windy day as you can see if anything it’s a bit too bum lcky is it the whole thing the top right you’ve seen all five I mean it’s not hard to give Joan one point obviously Nick two points and you can thank me for them I will thank you I’m going to give Egg Babies three points fabulous thank you I think I have to reward Steve because it’s the beginning of a new series and I’m trying to be more upbeat about life for all of his effort but I want you to know that Greek Diaries is a very close second thank you right we’re off let’s task and we begin with a task involving my two middle names danger and [Music] eggs Alex Oh an egg welcome Sophie hello oh egg is it hello my hello H he cute who do you think it looks like Mr Blobby okay best physical comedian of Our Generation uh we should crack on Lovely yeah do the riskiest thing involving this egg without breaking this egg love that the egg and the greatest danger it doesn’t break winds you have 20 minutes your time starts now can you swallow an egg hole and get it out again and get it out again not sure that’s going to happen in 20 minutes 20 minutes so I’m going to take a minute to think before I plow in cuz that’s always good into when you say oh hang on when you say crack do you mean the um shell or do you mean the egg comes out so this is spoken to me there’s a little thing number nine on there now I do a show called inside number nine oh yeah if I put the egg in there and we’ll take this egg on a hell of a ride I’m so disgusting but I’m not going to do what I immediately thought of doing both of your instincts yours and John’s was to eat the egg and then uh defecate it out no mine was M mine wasn’t sorry excuse me what sort of animal do you think I am I wasn’t going to defecate I was going to add it to the rest of my eggs for safety in there I I was planning to defecate let’s have a look okay well our first two Risk Takers are Nick Muhammad and Joe mcnali do we have um P for wrap bubble wrap yes is it hard boiled I don’t know let’s go and boil it I’ve got 20 minutes round one see how that egg’s doing okay let’s take it right I’m going to I’m going to try and throw bricks and get as close as I can it’s a bit risky it sounds really risky right you ready yes I’m [Music] ready that risky that was quite close yeah you ready [Music] uh-huh oh it jumped over it that’s risky really risky this is fun isn’t it it’s quite fun go [Music] [Applause] on right you finished yeah I think so [Music] I’d say it’s cracked oh I’m sorry thank you thank you [Music] Nick did you think at the time that hard boiling the egg would protect it from a brick I thought hard boiling egg would make it firmer yeah but I mean I did feel an element of risk there surprising quite sad at the end though didn’t it yeah you murdered it um Joan probably the bricks would have bounced off that bubble wrap but no one gasped at my task they were gasping at Nicks which that’s the second comment I’m coming on to which is you then did the least risky thing I’ve ever seen she did say right I’m going to [ __ ] it against a brick wall like a mad bastard I did say that that was that was the plan it it was riskier in my head do you want to find out if the egg survived yeah it did you got up the point to keep the egg alive yeah it means you definitely got points because the egg had to survive yeah the egg had to survive oh no get anything no not if the egg didn’t survive he got eaten by a crow and there’s something quite cannibalistic about another bird eating an egg okay you want to see another one yes please okay it’s now time for old risky Robins here we [Music] go thank you so much for taking me out for a ride I know your husband’s at his cow riding lesson look [Music] out [Music] look [Music] out oh my God are you okay you saved my life that that was incredible very nice should we uh drill down into the narrative a little bit there so the egg is giving me a lift home unbeknownst to the egg the eggs husband’s cow riding lesson is nearby yeah the egg egg wife was was heading towards the very cow the ex-husband was learning to ride oh my God the irony so uh she swerves hits a brick wall y we both survive intact yes and if you have any doubt as to the riskiness of that procedure please speak to the production staff about the 2-hour meeting we had about next up it’s Steve Pon I want to tell you a story about risk we’re in the mining town of yokon population half a dozer it’s a Friday beautiful day Sunnyside up into town rides the Intrepid Explorer Eggbert no bacon and his trusty goat [Music] Shelly and they’re trundling through here as you can see there’s lots of CCTV and this alerts the local poachers and they are chasing eggit and there’s huge risk so sh has to go quickly but there’s the omelet Express Shell’s rearing up the poachers run out of breath but here’s the greatest danger and the greatest risk of all Eggbert has to run over the cracker Tower Falls and there he goes through the Cape of Good horn and off into the sunset having a laid all risk his brain was scrambled but Eggbert and Shelly go [Applause] on you made it thank you he’s happy is he he’s happy yeah yeah happy as Larry sweaty yeah he’s really sweaty but you would be just had all that risk but I was very torn between thinking oh God this it’s quite complex puppetry skills going on here and the thought I was watching a very lonely boy in his bedroom yeah I had Alex with me I did as many different risks as I could which brings us to our um controversy of this particular piece of film did Eggbert crack when he fell from the stair Stage Coach Oh you mean after the task had been completed oh there may have been some album and you were so enjoying yourself weren I really was you having a lovely time I did have a lovely time good shame you failed you have a look at Sophie sure yes it’s our final risk taker it’s Sophie Willen would be risky to get it on your head wouldn’t it my grandma used to do it you know the posture test with an apple on her head did she yeah or a book if you keep your back straight she says like this I’m going to try with some just this for a start just to kind of edge in right your head’s a little bit like a nest yeah well that helps do it but it’s not it’s still risky though [Music] yeah risky right I’m going oh no I’m going to [Music] I’m he’s [Applause] gone he’s gone oh no I felt so confident I was going to do a lunge in everything they look so sad don’t I thanks no thank you s I still get a point for trying don’t I that’s yeah I don’t want to do an offensive caricature of your accent yes do though go on and carry on I put it to you that your version of creating risk in a situation like this is to occasionally look at the camera and go [Laughter] risky I’m not Johnny [ __ ] beer yes I said it would be I said it would be offense what’s a very risky thing to do to put an egg on your head yeah with an egg come on wow I think you’re going to be a delight for this series so three people broke their egg do they get any points Greg well no okay in which case only John and Joan’s eggs survived I thought that the bubble wrap was very clever but I don’t think there was a lot of risk so I can’t give you five points okay but I can give you four which is a miracle because and obviously will give John Robbins effort Five Points there we go five point point is it time for the first scoreboard of Series 17 Alex yes I can show you the scores at the bottom of the table it’s Nick with just two at the top it’s John with nine wow go more please okay Greg and it’s time to meet the [Music] [Music] teams there we go aha hi Alex what am I looking at oh that’s where you stand behind the line no here yes please yeah facing you not yet no hello Sophie hello in the red bit please right ah I’m going to open it create the best single picture of an animal doing something surprising all six blinds must be fully and equally involved in your picture you may not see each other’s work what is there someone else here I don’t know hello hello hello is it Steve it is hi Steve I literally recognize your voice it’s Nick what’s your name and where’ you come from John and I come from Bristol hello hello John sopie from Bolton oh lovely stuff oh hello who’s that there’s more of us hello hello hello I’m Joan hello Joan hello Steve hello hey Alex okay create the best single picture of an animal doing something surprising all six blinds must be fully and equally involved in your picture you may not see each other’s work and you may only say two words at a time you may only say two words at a time right after the task your pieces will be lined up next to each other in this order one shortest Wikipedia entry two best show at the end ref Fringe winner smallest shoe size I think that’s me the person whom Alex said hello to first five most Twitter followers six lowest scoring full name in scrubble you may not move outside of your segment you have 15 minutes your time starts when Alex blows to his whistle hi Nick hi Steve pulling blinds me too well it’s funny at this stage of the game you’re all being so sickeningly friendly and polite to each other I’d love to see how that will change over time shall we yes so they had to paint one picture per team and their six segments were going to be lined up in a certain order but the main problem is they could only use two words at a time each so here’s how they all got on it painting on blind and talking two words at a time and that sort of thing color uh green lovely animal giraffe lying down giving birth do car what dog car oh okay dog driving front car giraffe lying giraffe lying long picture yes portrait yes which you paint which blind first was shortest Wiki what I don’t have a [ __ ] clue what’s going on I do oh up there up where above door ah [ __ ] Sophie Wiki V bold vold dancing Sophie Wiki what one Nick head Nick yes two Steve neck yes yes Wiki length H small Joan length mine’s longer okay wrote myself Sophie first you are Bonnet profile Bonnet profile sidon you are sidon head height mine [Music] nipple confused Steve Sophie barus sidon what the [ __ ] two words what what private parts big ones legs of Kimbo yes please car color car red thank you pain fence fence pain two words using roller [ __ ] catching up 10 seconds left that’s really yeah you can’t look at each other’s work so if you just head towards the front door both of us mhm we get to say hello to each other hello hello how are you I’m very good who are you look at your hands I know I got a bit carried away actually cuz I got very confused did you feel you understood what was happening yeah yeah did your teammates did in fact one of my favorite moments was when you announced for the third time you didn’t know what the [ __ ] was going on and Joan went I do like come on why were you shouting Vogue dancing he were shouting V that was V she was V Dancing Yeah they agreed to do a dog driving but she had other ideas is yeah I thought I can draw a V all right uh you two however seemed like a absolute dream team we had some chuckle Brothers energy going on I think between us there was a little confusion about nipple height but I yes correct me if I’m wrong the giraffe will specifically have big genitals yes that exchange went legs of Kimbo yes please private parts big ones okay here we go wow not bad is it sorry that’s sort of what it looks like unfortunately one of them did do landscape one of them did do portraits so it actually looks like this when you line them up I mean that certainly helps with the big genitals part it certainly does it’s not a bad start okay uh there I ask for the next one sure here is their picture of a dog driving and a cow dancing and a bird smoking good I like it I mean it’s accidental but I kind of like it it’s a bit of art yeah yeah yeah well we’ll put the two of them next to each other and you can judge them Greg yeah uh there we go I will give the draft Five Points which is over generous okay the other one is absolute Madness but there’s some enjoyable individual efforts I’m going to give them three points which is again hugely generous okay the winners are Nick and Steve 5 Well Done Right can we please have another one Alex yes yes we can Greg and for this series we’ve gone down to the Taskmaster [Music] Farm hey Alex this is really exciting never SE anything like it that run I know here we are right the Nile the nail not real enough look at that water I cannot wait no hoopla Gary before he crosses the Finish Line your time is doubled every time one of your limbs gets wet fastest wins your time starts now is this Gary I don’t know is something coming down there down the river Gary oh here we [Applause] go you found Gary it’s a gorilla on the boat I really loved watching Dracula run towards the task thank you it’s really quite life affirming should we crack on sure yes okay and if you’ve always wanted to see a vampire attempt to get a hoop over a gorilla on a raft you’re going to absolutely love this it’s Nick so I’ve got a Hooper him around the [Music] head tricky is it come on Gary oh God you’ve only got one hoop [Music] [Applause] left what a let down I was really excited about that all right come on then oh it’s cold is this safe cuz I’m quite short oh my God you’ve got to hope the Gary pretty quick now come on Gary oh it’s cold isn’t [Applause] it ask you if your arms are wet my arms aren’t wet at all okay I’ll tell you what’s W my legs I guess that right Gary which one should we do na it I stop the clock I think you’re in danger of ruining Dracula’s reputation he quite Camp isn’t he I just he is but so adorably so I genuinely enjoyed it I Haden been in a river in years I mean you don’t a certain age you don’t do you no unless you kind of have like midlife crisis and start wild swimming and stuff but I’ve not I’ve not reached that yet yeah while swimming or it was once called swimming yes a done Nick thank you okay well it’s time for three more attempts not you Sophie you’re going to have to wait you know what you’ve done it’s time for John Joan and Steve there’s a BOS ah there he is hey Gary wait there a sec going to try with a small one first oh oh skimmed Gary [Music] okay brilliant keep going well if you want but I’ve stopped the clock you’ve stopped the clock you did it the wind isn’t great no yes Alex I’m running out of [Music] things there we go you’ve done well thank you can I have a couple of distance goes for [Music] fun they pleased with yourself walk off not really ironic was it you were genuinely I’m still pleased with myself I would have been as well you enjoy it Steve yeah I enjoyed it it was like being in the fairground again boom CH loved it my memory is that I got it the first time second time for you second time not bad all three of you at the end of the day it’s not exciting but you did quite well now it’s Sophie’s turn I think what I’m going to do is I’m going to wait for Gary to get over here right okay he’s taking his Time come on Gary step it up right let’s get going then hang on come [Music] on no right this is my chance really is’t it oh if I don’t get him now I never will shh come on Gary no come come on Gary oh come on nearly sh it’s not gone well well you’ve got about 10 seconds well how I’ve not I don’t want to can’t get a limb wet I just get one limb just get [Music] [Applause] [Music] my are you all right get me out I’ll get you out a bit I’m going W yeah no that’s very dangerous yeah I think I got carried away yeah who was down are you out it’s very it’s like quick sand in the middle oh my God yeah to checking on your limbs I think this this arm’s quite no it’s wet as well is that Garrett no that’s the Scarecrow and some waiters keep keep your dry oh yeah long walk back as [Applause] [Music] well fascinating Alex didn’t help did you notice when I was grappling with my life he doesn’t yeah he doesn’t this Smith going around that he’s a nice guy I saw it he’s an [ __ ] this is where I got intrigued you seem to attempt to hop across a river yeah I don’t think I’d do well in an apocalypse any you know Under Pressure it’s a lot isn’t it it is yeah do you know what you shouted what I’m going down and actually she did look genuinely yes no I would I would like to apologize for not doing anything at all to help I’m I do regret that wow absolutely awful so was some points out well Sophie first of all didn’t actually complete the task and then got all four limbs wet so it’s I don’t know what you want to do with that well I want to give her no points but you’re the people’s Champion yay uh Nick took 2 minutes 45 two limbs got wet so that doubles twice to 11 minutes John 2 minutes 5 Seconds Steve 1 minute 28 seconds and a new European record Joanne 48 seconds and Five Points Joan let’s have a look at the scores yes unfortunately you do still have quite a low number six at the other end Joan 13 Steve 14 and John had 15 points very good okay everyone for the first time this series will you please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show hi Alex oh hi Greg who’s going to read the task out for us oh I think Nick Muhammad’s going to read it here we go bring your sausage to life you have 30 seconds you may not write any words on your drawing best sausage wins yes so there’s going to be four rounds of this and you’re bringing your sausage to life in different ways this is their sausage Greg oh what a lovely sausage so every round you add to the one picture yes I’ll give you a new characteristic for that sausage the worst sausage each time will be eliminated oh God so Greg will now give you the first category after Alex’s whistle make your sausage human the least human sausage will be eliminated and they’re off Greg I will be eliminating someone Sophie hasn’t started make it oh apologist hands down round one is over Greg would you like to see Joanne’s sausage I would thank you oh great I just immediately Drew reproductive organs of both sexes so oh I see that’s just eyes obviously very human teeth very human reproductive organs there that’s the Fallopian tubes the vver and then a peut festies you don’t get more human than that exactly that’s what I was thinking nice that is a strong out Nerf John please show Greg your sausage I like it John I wanted to give human characteristics without putting all of my eggs into one human basket lovely I like John’s smile not necessarily any more than I like Joanne’s penis okay it’s Nick Muhammad next it’s similar to John’s inway oh ah that took 30 seconds great yeah you’re sticking with a Dracula thing yeah I just suddenly thought that doesn’t make it human there does it no let’s have a look at Sophie’s drawing I think I’ve shown Humanity in a sausage and we’ve gone portrait as well oh existentialism he’s going through a crisis all right he’s asking questions who am I it’s lovely thank you do you want to see my sausage well I I really do and I’m hoping it’s [ __ ] oh no it’s not hang on pop it up the other way we’ve been here before haven’t we Steve sausage party girl she’s quite Fay isn’t she yeah she’s off to a festival you know she’s hoping to hear some bangers and um come on great TR going to push me to the edge over the series so you’re going to have to eliminate one of these and this person will get one point so who is that I’m going to have to get rid of Dracula sorry one point to Nick Muhammad that’s all right okay please collecting your sausages round two make your sausage scary least scary sausage is eliminated adapt that [Music] sausage pens down would you like to see some scary sausages Greg yes I would Joan here’s my sausage wow thank you that is and I got rid of the worm cuz man is scarier Satan’s going to be a man right girls right am I right do you want to see John sausage now yes I do well it’s still a mouth but the lipstick has become blood it’s blood Sophie it looks to me like your sausage is just holding up a big oven chip it’s a knife oh it’s a knife if had got the blood in an angry sausage on a on the Rampage Steve um so oh nice she’s gone psycho it’s Texas Chainsaw sausage and she’s holding the head of a human four scary sausages Greg which one were you least scared of I think we all know which one I was least scared of I’m afraid Sophie’s eliminated two points to Sophie Willen and lucky Sophie okay what’s round three Greg round three is make your sausage sporty adap that sausage stop adapting your sausages would you like to see Joan sporty sausage you know I would tennis rocket oh is that what it is yeah egg and Spoon footballs yep and that’s speed what I’m seeing is a big sausage on wheels farting its way towards a lollipop he’s moving though would like to see John sporty sausage yes please picture the scene a velodrome okay team GB are going for the cycling gold uh they’re on their bicycles which are at the bottom and they’re cycling so fast Greg they’ve given themselves terrible gum disease one Sage left Greg this is a a hockey game yeah we’ve got the hockey stick with the fingers holding it and this person’s tackling yeah and this is the ball and sausage character is about to score lovely I could see it was hockey straight away least sporty sausage Greg I just don’t believe that team GB suffer from cracked and bleeding mouths so I’m going to eliminate John third place and three points to John Robin what is the final category Greg make your sausage sexy adop those sausages and they’re off oh Christ stop making your sausages sexy please would you like to see Joanne’s sexy sausage first let’s see that sexed up sausage this is a strip repel oh that it’s spinning around on yes the sexiest of all things these are um some breasts breasts quite quite a few breasts yeah well it’s a sausage you not short his face these are kind of you know the Kinky Boots that sexy women wear uhuh this is some sort of thong lingerie a thong on a sausage now you’ve got Papa’s attention and then this is a [ __ ] mask Steve the heat is on we’ve gone a little bit SNM we’ve got a nice harness on we’ve added some lipstick for sexiness so sexy so that is a sexy mouth yeah there’s the whip there yep can you see the sexy braids absolutely if I want to get sexy you better get them braids in I I can’t Mark these on sexiness so I think what I’ve got to do is to give the most points to the sheer amount of sexual reference there’s more sexual references in Joann’s weird drawing than there is in Steve’s weird drawing so let’s go four and five there we go the winner did you know so why don’t you all come down here and we’ll see what that’s done to the final [Applause] scores oh hi everyone wow oh so many sausages those sausage is rocked yeah GRE we have a three-way tie look at the scoreboard wow yes Joan Jo and the what are we going to do we do a chess piece in a chest of peas tiebreak Greg obviously let’s see how they all got on which chest piece is not in the P’s chest fastest correct answer wins your time starts now I don’t know anything about chest so I’m just going to guess sorry dear so sorry dear no one else is going to know this either except for Steve pton 6 seven my answer is a white porn so there’s a porn missing then I bet it’s one that’s somewhere in the oh it’s this one stop ah yes wow I think we have a winner we do I can tell you Joan was 4 minutes 28 John 1 minute 26 Steve hton 13 seconds and the episode Steve erson wins please go and fumble with the things that you can mumble [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] w for more Taskmaster subscribe [Music] now