9 REASONS WHY DANES DON’T LIKE YOU: Expat Tip on How to Avoid Danish Culture Clash

9 REASONS WHY DANES DON’T LIKE YOU: How to Avoid Danish Culture Clash
#danmark #denmark #expatsindenmark
Danish culture is awesome, and so is moving to Copenhagen, but like any country, there are unwritten rules to learn when you’re living in Denmark. Don’t put yourself in the middle of a culture clash. As Americans in Denmark, we give our best expat advice on how to piss off a Danish person and, of course, how not to. We cover things to avoid if you want Danes to like you while living among them in Denmark.
1 Mike explains all about the law of Jante or Janteloven and how this set of cultural rules in Denmark can make for a major culture clash with the Danes.
2 Derek explains the one simple phrase that can ruin your friendship with Danes and make a bad first impression in Denmark.
3 Mike covers the tricky topic of how much Danish you should speak and when to use your Danish skills if you don’t want to annoy a Danish person. It’s important to try speaking Danish or Danes won’t like you, but don’t speak it in certain instances or you might really piss off a Dane. Learn the difference and how to avoid Danish culture clashes around language.
4 Derek explains the best way to handle going to a Danish person’s home for the first time. There are a few simple things you can do to make Danes like you right away.
5 Mike discusses the importance of following through in Danish social culture. If Danes don’t like you, part of it could be that things you do come off as flaky or superficial. Use Mike’s expat advice and avoid these common culture clashes in Denmark.
6 Derek covers the importance of punctuality and how timing could be a reason that Danes don’t like you. Make sure you don’t piss off a Danish person by following Derek’s advice on how to make plans with a Dane.
7 Mike has told you in other videos how important biking is in Denmark, so it should be no surprise that poor biking skills and etiquette could be a reason why Danes don’t like you.
8 Derek tells you when and when not to talk to a Danish person and how the wrong type of conversation could be a reason why Danes don’t like you. There’s a time and a place for everything and we teach you the best way to talk to a Danish person.
9 Mike explains why your shoes could be why Danes don’t like you and how you can piss off a Danish person by not learning the difference between indoor and outdoor shoes. It’s covered in detail here and you’ll learn why it’s so important in Denmark.

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CHAPTERS:
0:00 – Intro
1:03 – Advice
1:27 – Bragging
3:02 – Asking “how are you?”
4:42 – Speaking Danish
6:25 – Bringing a gift?
7:22 – Not following up
8:38 – Being late or early
10:38 – Ignore the biking rules
12:03 – Small talk
13:12 – Wearing shoes in the house
14:15 – Final thoughts

How are you doing thank god you’re here because today you’re going to find out why what i just did could be a reason that danes don’t like you that’s right today we’re going to talk about nine simple culture clashes that could be the reason that danes don’t like you now

We’re gonna tell you our personal experiences about things that we did when we first moved to denmark that kept gains from liking us but now they do so we’ll tell you how we turned that around let’s get started Welcome to road trotting where derek and mike an american couple who moved from the u.s to copenhagen in 2017. our channel is all about living abroad and traveling the world every thursday we drop our most candid advice and tips based on our lives as experts and explorers

For more be sure to visit our companion site roadtrotting.com with a link in the description below Before we begin we just want to clear up that danes will like you sometimes they get an unfounded reputation for being difficult to meet but in our experience that’s just not true that’s right danes are always going to give you a chance but it’s important that you remember

You’re not in your home country so you have to do things a little bit different now let’s get into it and find out why danes may not like you and what you can do about it here we go not to brag but i’m going to tell you one of the main reasons why

Danes aren’t going to like you and that’s because you brag too much now both of us are american so we’re used to talking up our successes but there’s a fine line where american confidence comes across as american arrogance and in denmark that’s a big no-no scandinavian culture is known for being

Egalitarian in nature and has a high focus on equality this is probably best expressed in something known as yantalon or the law of yanta yantolon is a series of ten rules that dictate how you’re supposed to act amongst a group it’s best exemplified in the phrase you are no better than us

Now yantalon was originally written as a satire of the behavior of small towns but it’s kind of been infused as an exemplar of danish culture and it describes why dane should be modest humble and by all means should not stand out the idea that you shouldn’t brag

Extends into many other areas as well one of the big ones is money gains never talk about money in the us we have a thing known as conspicuous consumption where you buy fancy things to show them off in denmark people certainly have nice things in their homes or may live in an

Expensive apartment but they’ll always talk it down by saying oh i got a really good deal on it or i bought it second hand and modesty extends to other areas as well for example the danish national dress for work is generally a crisp white shirt and

Dark pants for men and a black or dark blouse for women generally anything not too flashy so when you come to denmark we’re not saying that you need to fade into the background but you certainly should make an effort not to stand out too much now one reason why danes may not like

You is if you overuse the phrase how are you doing now i know to american ears this sounds like it’s just a greeting but to danes it can be like nails on a chalkboard you see at best it’s gonna sound like a confusing question that they don’t really know how to answer

But at its worst it can be overly personal and just a bit inappropriate now it’s important to note that the danish language culture and sense of humor is much more direct than its american counterparts so the only way that a dane is truly going to answer this question is with

Well a truthful answer so you’re going to hear things back like well my knee hurts today or oh i got in a fight with my wife last night and that’s not necessarily what you want to get into when you’re greeting someone now i know americans simply want an

Answer like i’m fine how about you so to a dane that may come off as a little bit fake or superficial because you’re asking a question that you really don’t want an answer to that’s kind of rude if you think about it now danes are very aware of american english

And they speak it well so often they’re just going to have some fun with you and act like they don’t know how to answer this question but remember it can come off as an invasion of privacy and you don’t want to do that instead i recommend using a danish phrase which is vodangode

Literally that translates to how’s it going it’s a little more gentle and appropriate but keep in mind this is something that you want to say when you actually intend to start a conversation with somebody so don’t use it in passing but maybe use it when you arrive to work

And meet up with your co-workers around the coffee machine then it’s much more appropriate to say how’s it going that’s what i’ve switched to but you can always start with a simple hi and just see how things go so another way that you’re definitely going to have

Danes not like you is when you speak danish or don’t speak danish it’s kind of complicated as soon as you move to denmark you’re going to start hearing questions like how are you getting along with your danish sounds like an easy question right for one danes love when a non-dane has interest

In their culture their country or their language so they sincerely appreciate it when non-danes try to speak danish second danes realize there’s 5.8 million danish speakers in the entire world and all of them live here and third danes are fiercely proud of their country their culture and their language

And so there’s an expectation that things will be done in denmark in danish not every situation is the place where you want to practice your danish for one if you’re in a coffee shop or a busy store that’s not the right place to go use one of the workers there as your

Study buddy but still don’t be afraid to try you need to practice to get better but at the same time realize you’re going to hear very often can we just take this in english it’s not that they’re being rude it’s that sometimes it’s just easier to

Use a language that is common to both of you and so there’s always an easy out and it’s something that we’ve struggled with ourselves it’s easy to just fall into english and not force yourself to learn danish and honestly we feel a little bit guilty and

A little bit of shame for not being better with our danish after living here for four years that’s why we ask you guys to keep us honest on our journey to fluency and make sure you hold us into account in the comments below and also we ask you danes to please show

Us a little bit of love even though the way that we say will hello sound good and will always make your ears bleed now another reason why danes may not like you is if you don’t bring them gifts and i’m not saying you need to lavish them with presents every time you see

Them but what does go a long way is if you go to a danish person’s home for the first time you bring a little host gift this can be a bottle of wine or some chocolate a little gift set like this goes a long way in establishing your friendship

Another tip is to follow up that meeting with a text message or reaching out on social media to say that you had a lovely time even if it’s somebody that isn’t the host you might want to send them a message if you enjoyed chatting with

Them and would like to follow up with uh coffee or getting to know them a little bit better this can be a little awkward to americans who might not normally do that but going the extra mile with a dane will pay off however make sure that if you do follow

Up and make plans to grab coffee you’re not just saying it that you’re actually doing it the onus is going to be on you to follow up and make that plan with the person that you reached out to right mike that’s right derek if you’re going to say let’s meet up again

You better make sure you actually follow through on that or else you’re going to have a day not like you following through on commitments is good manners no matter what the culture is but this is another case where american informality and danish directness come into a little bit of cultural conflict

In american english it’s really common to end a conversation by saying that was so nice we should meet up again but not necessarily having intentions to make firm plans in denmark when you say something like that that means that you’re making a little bit of a commitment to meet up again

And there’s an expectation if you’re going to put that on the table you’re actually going to make plans and follow through part of this is because danes are planners when you say something might happen in the future their ears per cup because they’re expecting the next conversation to be

Let’s meet up in week 27. so to danish years why would you bring up the possibility of meeting again if you have no intention to do so and honestly thinking about it preparing for this video we realize it’s kind of ridiculous the way that we’ve always acted in conversation before

I mean why would you say let’s meet again if you’re not actually thinking about meeting again this is one area where we sometimes fall back into our old bad habits but we really make an effort to try to follow through if we say something like let’s

Go ahead and meet again in the future now one possible reason why danes don’t like you is that you’re always late or even early see in scandinavia and northern europe promptness is a social virtue we’re not used to this because in america if i tell you come over to my

Place anytime after 7 pm that means come after 7 pm but not at 7 pm 7 30 is fine 7 45 even 8 pm is good we’re fine with that but don’t come at seven however in denmark that means come at seven or else you’re being a little bit rude

Now we discovered this phenomenon the hard way we made plans for brunch we planned to start at noon and figured okay the food should be ready sometime around 12 maybe even 12 15 12 30. we were pretty surprised when the door buzzer rang right at 12 o’clock sharp

We were certainly not ready we didn’t expect anybody to actually show up at noon we kind of figured it was gonna be a casual brunch you know the come over anytime after 12 p.m type of brunch we used to have in philadelphia not quite the same thing in copenhagen now i also mentioned

Not to be early and this is very true you see if somebody invites you over at 7pm they really want you there at 7 pm if you show up at 6 45 it’s pretty rude because they’re going to be getting ready making preparations for the event this is especially true in business

Let’s say you have your first interview for a job in denmark and it’s scheduled for 11 am if you’re ready and at the building at 10 45 do not go in go next door grab a cup of coffee walk around the building maybe ride your bike around for a little bit

Do anything except for go in and say that you’re there 15 minutes early now there’s this silly expression in american business that if you’re 15 minutes early you’re on time and if you’re on time you’re late forget that and leave it at passport control because that doesn’t apply in denmark

But speaking of which i’ve got somewhere to be while derek runs off let me tell you if you want to piss off a dane don’t follow the biking rules denmark is a well-known cycling country and that’s because it has a flat geography and a really well maintained viking infrastructure

All over the country you’ll find what looks like bike super highways with wide lanes and traffic lights for bikes alone to make sure there’s always a good flow even during rush hour but the system only works if everyone’s following the same rules and the rules are actually pretty simple

But you’d be surprised how many people don’t follow them and you will always make sure that you get a nice ring of the bell and a stern look if you don’t follow the rules probably the biggest rule is make sure you respect the fast lane and the slow length

Just like a four lane highway there’s a left side in the right side and you should always be passing on the left and riding on the right all too often you’ll see people riding side by side or just hanging out on the left side of the bike lane and it’s a

Big no-no here again if you do that you’ll hear a ring of the bell and get a look as someone goes past you also make sure you follow the biking signals they’re pretty simple here if you’re going to stop put your arm up showing that you’re

Going to stop if you want to go left point left if you’re going right point right you’d be surprised how people don’t do this and it really pisses people off behind you and one last thing to remember is that your bike needs to be in good order

The biggest thing is to make sure that you have lights in the front and the back and if the lights go out it’s no big deal they sell lights and grocery stores and convenience stores all over the place so you have no reason not to have your lights working

Now another reason that the danes don’t like you is if you talk to them and don’t know them first what i’m trying to say is avoid small talk if you don’t know somebody leave them alone now as americans this took us a little bit of getting used to

But we’ve actually found that we quite enjoy it now see americans are very outgoing but the tendency to talk to people that don’t actually know you can come off as a little bit superficial if not really weird now in denmark if you’re waiting in line for a cup of

Coffee or at a store or if you’re waiting for a bus just don’t talk to anybody that you don’t already know this may be acceptable in the us but in denmark small talk should be reserved for people that you actually know now when you do need to engage in small

Talk let’s say you’re meeting somebody for the first time stick to topics that are light and inoffensive my suggestion when you’re in denmark and need to make small talk is go to the weather see it’s always either really good or really bad it also changes frequently so weather is the constant trending

Topic that you can use for small talk just don’t do it with strangers now another way you can piss off a day is if you wear outside shoes inside now we heard in the comments that some of you couldn’t believe that in the us would actually wear

Outside shoes inside the house and while it’s not true all the time and you usually take your shoes up when you come inside if you’re hosting a party or some people over to your house you probably wouldn’t make them take their shoes off but in denmark you absolutely do if you

Come over to anybody’s house you’ll see a big pile of shoes and you walk in the door because that’s what you do you take your shoes off and honestly it makes sense this is a country where it rains almost every single day so you don’t want to track in

Mud and dirt from the outside into these homes and you’ll see people switch from say outside shoes to inside shoes at work if people walk or bike to work they’ll usually have grubby shoes they wear on the way in and then change their nice shoes once they get into the office

Where this is probably the most militant is in locker rooms when you go to a gym or a pool you’ll see distinct areas where you’re allowed to wear outside shoes and inside shoes and if you violate this somebody will definitely tell you that you’re wrong well there you have it nine things that

You should avoid if you don’t want to piss off the danes now i think with these tips danes will like you so if you like this video make sure you give it a thumbs up and subscribe to our channel so you can find all of our tips every thursday when we

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