No. 73: S03E02

TX: 14.5.83 ‘Spring Cleaning’

Live from TVS Maidstone

Dawn Lodge: Andrea Arnold
Harry Stern: Nick Staverson
Alec Simmons: Patrick Doyle
Ethel Davis: Sandi Toksvig
Neil Buchanan

With: Fred Dinenage, Arlene Phillips
Thanks to: Carolyn Grant-Sale, Zip Kart, London Kart Club
Film: Neil visits Jodrell Bank. Dawn & Harry go Karting
Band: Modern Romance
Sandwich Quiz: Fred Dinenage v Arlene Phillips
Programme Associate: Michael Kerrigan
Devised & Produced by: John Dale
Director: J. Nigel Pickard

TVS Production
© 1983 Television South plc

Hey hey get ready get on your feet get into gear and hit the street get moving it’s not too far you looking good come as you are you never know what you see when you through that door with the 73 nothing no not like this place never be

No no way not never no never see no place no way similar like 73 hey you get ready get on your feet get into gear and hit the street it’s you that we want to see so get down to 73 get down to 73 hey you get down to 73 I so so oh morning I never saw you there so yeah well please yourselves you’ve been before oh well if you haven’t I’m eth there was a young woman called eth who lived in a terrible meth with the cooking and cleaning and no time for Ping she walked around looking like

Death listen could you do me a favor this morning could you keep the noise down please cuz not only have I got all the spring cleaning to do I must get these shells finished oh morning dwn say morning properly oh morning prople dawn sorry pick it up there was a

Young woman called dor who was skating from the day she was born there’s skid marks in the hall which I don’t mind at all but she’s virtually ruined my lawn that’s rubbish you like it listen have you done the spring cleaning what’s this and what about your room I haven’t got a

Room that’s not the point go and get on hey oh morning Alec it’s Alec our loder what are you doing here P it’s Saturday Alec say good morning properly sorry good morning properly I have some coffee oh thanks very much there’s nothing in eth oh sorry there was young Scotsman called

Alec who I like to speak in the GIC but folk in the main didn’t know what he was saying they thought Alec was some sort of D he you go thanks now listen I wanted to have a word with you what you know there’s been a certain amount of psychological trauma and emotional

Conflict within the house structure this week she means hi and I haven’t been getting on very well well now that we’ve attained a certain on pass in the situation we’re getting along better now I don’t want you to sub to fugit by bringing in a lot of musicologists don’t

Worry there won’t be any bands promise me what’ you say trust me right oh and um Alec yeah don’t make a mess all right brilliant now then will be the death of me the death of me Harry get him Harry what say good morning nicely good morning nicely Harry there was a

Young pop star called Harry whom all the girls wish to marry each thought he was true but he said who were you I’ve forgotten your name I’m so sorry that is awful awful well have you thought of one yeah I’m trying to think of a really nasty one for that lodger

Sharing my now listen here Harold this limmerick business is supposed to be fun F you n Fun okay it’ll be fun well I know you haven’t had a very good week what was not getting on with Alec and everything but now that we’ve come to this deal couldn’t you get on I’ll make

The shells for you and all your bits and you let him stay for two weeks for two weeks only Ethel promise promise okay now what do you want them to look like okay let’s might find me pen right I was thinking of uh uh squarish right yeah uh

With three blanks of wood going from side to side like that that’s what shelves usually look like yeah where do you want your Nick next with the Patty wax Harold you’ve just drawn on my work surface no that’s okay it’s washable that pen oh this pen oh no this isn’t

Washable go and get a solution of bicarbonate to scrub it off go okay yeah well you won’t mind if I have a look at the cross word first you and um Harry could you help with the spring cleaning this morning I don’t know why I’ve got

To be the only tidy one in this household e how you can twiggle about spring cleaning we mess down like that I do not know but I do this sort of work outside what do you think e oh dear there doesn’t seem to be any peace to do this

Anywhere I’m not very good at carpentry it’s my first go let’s see I need somewhere to no that’s not quite right let go over here every time I get started somebody interrupts here we go perfect right hello e Neil oh all right then oh Dar how are you good to see you

This is the only CHF in the world I know put fertilizer on his hair this is Neil who’s an artist friend of ours say good morning prople oh good morning prople Hey where’s Harry he’s in the kitchen now listen we’re spring cleaning this week so no mess No Mess okay e you can

Trust me mate oh and uh you can’t sleep in the loung we got a lodger now One no musicians eh don’t be ridiculous eth what C gos M and I’m the queen come to take your salute all right all right say good morning properly oh now listen chaps I love music I’m the first one to put on some per coffee of the morning but please keep the noise

Down we going to have enough trouble explaining the drum kit to the neighbors promise promise promise all right hey wait a minute e please you probably find there’s a lot more Elbow Room in the lounge and don’t make a mess we’re spring cleaning up Alec yeah 2 weeks don’t get sore

Che a bit High head a bit high and smile oh smile come on mate that’s it lovely lovely no Miss okay trust us problem trust one more last roll of the film come on pack that in with you while she’s not here I’m determined to show you about this new invention of mine

Plop art plop art he what’s that all right I’ll tell you all about it okay all you do it’s This brilliant outrageous abstract way of painting a picture of anything you like instead of using a paintbrush you use an eggshell filled with paint I don’t believe it one

Minute one minute an eggshell eggshell filled with paint okay I’ll tell you what I mean okay you take one egg right you you make a hole in the top of it you pour the yolk into a basin yeah hole so you can pour the yolk house mind you

Save the Yol for scrambled eggs something like that yeah then into the empty eggshell you pour some watercolor paint or poster paint or powder paint but dilute it with water just so it’s nice and runny you know or you can stick some ink in there if you want right then

Comes the good be whatever you want to paint the plop off picture of you stand or sit on top of it oh you hold the loaded eggshell out over a piece of paper which is on the floor actually it’s a good idea to put newspaper underneath so you don’t make a mess you

Know and then when you’re ready you actually drop the egg onto the piece of paper below and the resultant Splat on the paper below is your plop off painting of whatever you are standing on you see it all depends on the height that you’re standing at the plop that

You get well I hope you’re all doing this at home come on all right then are you sure yeah absolutely mate I’m I’m going to show you right uh we need something to paint the stool oh no no don’t do the stool like go man no I

Don’t mean actually paint the stool I mean paint a plop off picture of the stool your mental me you BL me mental you’re mental okay one eggshell full of paint right I’ll stand on the stool actually it’s a bit wobbly the stool and it’s a good idea to check with an adult

Before you start climbing all around the house to do plops right stand on the stool right hang going get me Balan then you hold the eggshell over the paint over the paper below pain over the paper below oh now it’s customary amongst those plop artists at this stage to

Actually say before you actually drop the egg plops away of course it is all right so I’m going to count your inmate and you’re going to have to give me a bit of a hand right all right ready deep breath 5 4 3 2 1 plops [Applause]

Away oh wow actually that’s not bad is it actually good it’s made a good effect I tell you what mate if you like that one you love these I’ve actually done some and brought them down to show you exactly cup a hold of this previously done Granny’s rocking chair she wasn’t

In it plopped onto the piece of paper two colors in the egg one thicker than the other so it didn’t actually mix mix until it hit the paper that’s the result actually I want M wallpaper like that it’s good what do you mean wallpaper it’s AR this mate that be this one right

Yeah is me riding around on me bike oh so M did you fall off no look take it seriously okay this is a plop art painting of me on my bike I was riding around the paper and I plopped onto the paper right okay prepare yourself very

Dramatic all that this is my pride and joy this is a plar painting of an ant one minute one minute how did how did you paint an ant I stood on it and plopped onto the piece of paper below you’re M so the ant’s dead now and it’s

A dead endt plop our painting of a dead endt yeah not bad can I either go I’ve got a Jo on this what you want to paint then um I know well as I’ve been photographing you I might as well do a plop art picture of you painting of me

All right you can’t actually stand on top of me so what you’ll have to do is hop up on me back oh first thing in the morning are you’re quite heavy as well aren’t you yeah listen there right graub AEG cheek okay this one right line it up

Up no I’m heavy shut up right you ready five four 3 2 one what we doing oh no we were doing flart it’s gone on over your one mate all over me as well mess is it yeah uh I suppose what we’d have to say is that a

Plop our picture of me standing on a stool with you on me back looking surprised I never thought of it like that never you do another one yeah why not never see you know you know it’s such a small world i’ know Ginger so you actually know Ary yes I do thanks very

Much you made it all right then yeah long way on roller skates though yeah this is e Phillip she’s come here to help us choreograph or dance say hello prople hello prople did you bring the music for the routine I dropped it on the way me to tell you I’m not I’ve

Got anything I’ll tell you what ladies no problem I’ve got the very dab a band a band a whole band a very good band too they’ll play for the dancing oh thank goodness I believe excuse me John arene you know each other arene Monty Python we worked on the same film the new

Python film how are you very well you look very well thank you you wouldn’t mind playing for for the for the dancing gentleman would you go oh come on don’t be come on don’t be sticking in my what should we do should we do B’s Bish I know there that’s mod you’re modern

Romance I just remember are listen there’s a great track on our album I’ve got a tape here would you like to do it it’s called Good Feelings it’s really good for kids to dance great would be wonderful come on thank you okay see you later see you L 3 2 [Applause] one

Woo Claire come a minute tell me where have you kids come from oh Dar but where have you come from we walked down the street knock on the door we knock on the door what be coming for well D us to come do a little bit of dancing they have dancing

All right we carry on I shall have words with her right anyway this is it eth you promised what loue oh Ary how are you I love your record come on Arie what you think e listen we need somewhere to rehearse get out we need the space yeah space I’m going I’m going

Hi come on come on come on you supped be stretched there was a nice house in mid Stone where the owner worked a to the Bone when a prince happened by she was doing DIY and he said tell me who’s the old Crone listen up be trying to ring you

All week where you been well I’ve been looking after Lana she’s got chickenpox oh love her and just before that I was away in Los Angeles back now though yeah doing what were you doing there videos yeah I did El John in the south of

France and got a tan and then I did oh he’s lovely wonderful yeah everyone loves him then I did BG’s and Donna Sam is in Los Angeles and got more of a tan yeah you’ve been busy haven’t you what I mean you’ve been doing some film work as

Well haven’t you what have you been yeah I did the montypython film uh meaning of life that great lot of kids again yeah 160 yeah what about this marathon thing you’re doing on on Su oh yeah that’s we’re trying to get into the Guinness Book of Records it’s the Children’s Aid

Biggest workout in the world we want moms dads kids and you to come to whiteart Lane tomorrow is that where it is what time 1:00 oh lovely listen I’ll tell you what I’ve been exercising doing aerobics now what do you think about aerobics is that a good thing great if

You’ve got a good teacher yeah yeah what what what sort of people do you think should do it oh you know adult ad any kind of adults not children it’s a bit tough I mean don’t you do 30 of these and 60 of that if you’re a kid it’s it’s

All strain your body it’s too too advanced for children so you need to do something a little bit gentler um what kind of things do you suggest then my kiss system of course oh right yeah come on come on do some come on we need to

Warm up before we do the routine okay up your get on your feet feet apart right right remember the first exercise we go stretch to the side stretch to the side then you stretch flat to the corner flat to the corner and then head to the right

Knee head to the left knee touch the floor and up yeah seven go over side flat stretch head down head down and push and one more time stretch stretch flat flat press down down press good got that one all right now let’s do some reaching up stretch right left right

Left now lift turn turn the legs out bend the knees and come up ready let’s go and one 2 3 and turn out and up one 2 3 4 press and up now stretch the back turn the feet parallel and stretch out so you get a nice long straight spine

Pull your stomachs in and even if your kids high arms to the side and now let’s turn out and stretch press down feel those inside muscles turn out turn out oh that be the house school bell why don’t you go come come on the floor don’t stop BR it’s what it’s great look

I mean it’s it’s NE right on a stall but you wouldn’t recognize it cuz one of the legs are missing there you see yeah look can you see it’s got Dimensions eth Dimensions see it’s got Dimensions all over the floor now please fellas clean it h all right yeah trust those no

Problem Trust come on NE you what she said clear it up what me AR you going to help me or what come on mate your stuff your idea you clear it up it’s art that is Art mate you can’t just pick it up throw it off I

Mean it’s not dry yet it’ll spoil suppose so tell you what yeah do it later all right man I know what it’s time for it is time for a cartoon do we have to no don’t be like that cuz it’s not just any old cartoon this I tell you

Cuz it’s time for Roger ram rer ram haven’t seen him anything cuz he saves the world what he did last week anyway go on perhaps we could do a plop out of him here we go 5 4 3 2 1 plops [Applause] away Roger R and his Eagles fighting for

Our freedom through in an outer space not to join them but to beat them Roger and J he’s our and hero of our nation for his Adventure just be sure and stay tuned to this station so come and join us all you kids for lots of fun and

Laughter as Roger ran and his men get all the crooks there after Roger yet he’s our man hero of our nation for his adventures just be sure and stay tuned to the station today’s flagma episode begins at American Eagle headquarters where yank d Dan and D are settling down to watch one

Of their favorite TV shows space dentist we interrupt this program for a News Bulletin the 13th National Bank has just been held up by a gang led by that internationally famous good guy and devil may care flying fool Roger Ramjet ring ground Loops there must be some mistake that couldn’t have been Roger

Suddenly there was another startling news flash and here’s another startling news flash that Roger Ramjet Gang has struck again this time they held up the 14th National Bank that’s impossible Roger could never do anything dishonest maybe he wants to be the first honest bank robber even the police were baffled

The chief put his best man on the case detective Sergeant Milton C Sergeant detective Sergeant Sergeant reporting sir well Sergeant what’s your opinion of these robberies well I’d say they were definitely the work of Thieves oh that’s wonderful now I want you to arrest Roger rjet and bring him in for questioning

Yeah well that’s easy Chief I know just where to find him he’s guest of honor at the annual policeman’s picnic they want him to throw out the first drag net but unbeknownst to the police the real leader of the robbery gang was none other than noodles romanof Arch criminal

And sworn enemy of Roger Ramjet and the American Eagles this plan of mine is waking like a charm like a charm a terrible the cops don’t even suspect this thanks to this huge doll that looks exactly like Roger Ramjet they think ramjets committing all the robberies pretty slick

Huh filthy and at the policeman’s picnic Roger was just starting his speech when I want to commend all you men for the fine job you’re doing it’s men like you who protect our citizens from the criminal element which stalks our country and even as Roger Ramjet was being dragged off to the calaboose

Noodles and his gang prepared to strike again okay check out the model once more I love you that’s the wrong record you boy brain pain hurting meanwhile the American Eagles got more bad news we interrupt this program to bring you more bad news I wonder what Roger did this

Time this time Roger Ramjet has been arrested on suspicion of bank robbery come on gang we’ve got to prove Roger’s innocence but even as the brave Eagles rushed to Roger defense another daring holdup was taking place may I help you and over all the money this is a

Stickup I am Roger Ramjet this is a recording the alarm we’ve been spotted let’s get out of here will you play with me and the Desperados emerged from the bank the police were Waiting give it up you haven’t got a chance my name is Roger Ramjet just then detective sergeant and the real Roger Ramjet arrived on the scene no what do you mean you’re innocent there you are shooting at a policeman well you ought to be ashamed

Yourself but how can that be me if I am me and at that precise moment the American Eagles made their appearance here we are Roger what can we do to help hand me one of my proton energy pills I’ll need the strength of 20 atom bombs to solve this mess sorry

To drag you into this officer but you leave me no choice there you are noodles Roman up was using that dummy to make all of you think I was the bank robber arrest them all nice work Roger uh uh Roger can I go home with you and so

Once again the forces of evil have been foiled by that living D Roger rjet and the American Eagles hey the American Eagles the American Eagles I go home with you no what s of man you think I am no he’s a love what a Man Neil what someone’s plop

Through your bloing plop oh no look at that someone spoil a work of I didn’t see anyone go past did you Footprints Footprints follow him let’s get oh no when eth sees I shall go ups with bananas well hello listen you don’t happen to know what Ethel keeps a liquid

Gumption do you some help you are wait a minute I haven’t told you about the competition I’ve devised have I’ll tell you about it now come here I’ve invented this game it’s called h word I’ll explain how it works right I’ve chosen a word that’s got something

To do with this house right it’s got seven letters this is one of them now what I’m doing is I’m sticking the other six up in different parts of the house what you’ve got to do is try and spot all the letters right unscramble them and make up the word it’s dead simple

Then you all you’ve got to do is write the word down on a card and send it to Alec remember Alec at number 73 P box 73 midstone Kent and the when I will receive wait for it a lovely number 73 dictionary isn’t that wonderful and listen another thing do me

A favor and put hunt the word on the outside of the envelope that way it gets straight to me without any problems stick this on the banister let’s go two weeks trust me e i don’t you must I might right oh um Alec yes do you know your

Dictionary is in two parts no it isn’t eth it is now I’ve just sewn it in half by mistake now then six and five I think just wants a bit more shaved off oh yeah she’s fine D she all right oh listen we talk about that later on less of that cheap

What you been up to well uh been on a sketching H to Cornwall great brilliant made three films didn’t I really have you got them here yeah yeah I think I have come on get them out Nate tin mine went down a tin mine went fishing went sea fishing

Adventure and soul that you are goon hilly down goon not goon down goly down an satellite station I’ll stick it on and show you yeah do that do that it’s a projector or what it’s right in front of you mate come on it’s a coffee machine you haven’t forgotten that it’s not a

Coffee machine coffee machine and a projector got it you must remember that so tell us about Goon down well it’s this place that sends all the overseas telephone calls by satellite into space and to overseas it’s dead complicated used for anything else other than telephone television live television satellite dead complicated though so

Watch the D yeah get the blinders with all right brilliant did you do any plop Arts of goon down no I did some sketching now was really good thanks Don dead complicated so walk into this right brilliant there we go okay five four three 2 1 go Down we just got in Sp for she was so good to legs we got pretty Drunk Good morning morning uh I don’t suppose there’s any chance of coming in and hav’t look around is there I’ve got an appointment you made any arrangements to com um I haven’t actually but I just want to have a quick look around is that all right yeah lovely thank you very

Much H morning my name is Neil it’s John appy the keep told me you coming oh right um I don’t suppose there’s any chance of explaining what’s going on around here or anything like that yeah I think we can spare a few minutes would you like to come along yeah sure thank

You well NE the easiest way to show you how go hilly works is to use this diagram here okay well if I actually want to make a call from my house in Liverpool what actually happens to it then yeah well picking up your phone and dialing the international dialing code

Uh from your telephone you go through to your local Exchange in uh which then puts you into the national network which put you through to London and from the International Exchange in London you’re handed on to the Telecom tar in London which then relays your signal down this microwave link to goon

Hilly uh your call is transferred through to the aerial which then amplifies it and sends it up to the satellite which is 22,300 MIL up out in space this then retransmits it and sends it down to the antenna the receiver station in the distant country shall we

Say America and this then goes into the national network of that country just as we’ve got here take ages no uh the radio waves travel at 186,000 m a second so this is 25,000 mil up there 25,000 down that’s 50,000 which is roughly a quarter

Of a second at 186,000 m a second so there is a very slight delay but it’s not perceptible normally uh to most people making these calls we’ve got our dish focusing a beam up towards the satellite now I mentioned that the satellite was synchronous stationary but in fact it does move a

Little so we have to track it and this means that the AAL we have to drive it in just a very similar way to driving a car you know when you’re driving a car along a straight road you don’t just lock the wheel there like that all the

Time you’re moving it the wind is blowing a little bit the wind blows you to the left you correct and O overo that way go back a little and so constantly you’re keeping the car on track so that’s actually moving fractionally whole time the dish is moving in just

The same way yes keeping the satellite in the center of its Beam well we’re right at the back of the dish now we’re about 80 fet above the ground and the signal comes in here on this circular wave guide and goes down through here through into one of these two amplifier units here uh we’ve got all facilities here firstly for monitoring our receive uh

Traffic coming through and you can see here some of the destinations here for instance to Togo some of the others to VAR parts of the world Kenya Egypt uh all going over this satellite that’s stationed over the Earth uh an optical telescope it does the same sort of job but instead of

Optical waves we’re using radio waves amazing I do you know I just can’t believe the size this thing is I mean how big actually is it well the dish is 97 ft in diameter yeah and and I mean how does that how much does that sort of thing weigh you the whole structure

Weighs 320 tons wow you must have an incredible motor in inside there somewhere in fact it’s so finely balanced that we only need a 2 horsepower motor to move it uh that’s you know very similar shall we say to a large electric lawn mow motor really to

Run the whole thing to drive this yes and you you can see and feel the wind here now and we’re moving the AAL to adjust it against the thrust of the wind you see to keep us on track with the satellite so it’s still moving a little

Bit although you can’t see it yes it’s still moving that poor little electric motors working away and the whole time yes it’s chaning away it’s amazing and what’s what’s actually the Basin made of itself I mean what’s the dish itself metal yeah oh yes it’s uh the dish sorry

This particular it’s it’s made of aluminium this particular one but all the others prior to that were made of steel stainless steel but this one is made of aluminium and it has a coat of page on its outer surface one of the things we don’t want to happen is for

The sun to focus as it is more or less now on the dish and generate a lot of heat in the bowl here so we have to put a matte paint on to stop the sun’s Rays focusing I would imagine it could get pretty hot up there well it can in the

Summer of course because it’s so big and like a a bowl electric fire it can concentrate the heat from the Sun and that we don’t want to happen what you should do you should have everybody sunbathing out there and just aim the thing at them you know Run yeah it’s Neil mate yeah from England yeah how are you oh I’m sorry mate I didn’t realize there was a time difference in New York you found out Ronald Reagan no it was me mate Ron oh but you didn’t know the telephone system was that

Complicated no I didn’t don’t talk to me about phone calls honestly we had so many last week Ethel got a letter from British Telecom did you she did too listen forget about the telephones down to the nitty-gritty you and Dawn what’s the score well it’s Grim Grim I tell you

I I think basically deep down in sight right down below she likes me I really do I think it’s me actually me I’ve got the words in me but I just can’t get them out what’s happen well like I said to her how about you and me girl and she

Hit me OD she did and all I was offering was lunch oh no look tell you mate you’ve got it wrong with a slick beard like Dawn she wants a bit of romance you got a woo a bit wo now yeah give her a bit of Rin bit of romance show your

Manly confidence if you’re so clever don’t don’t Neil’s got something to say to you haven’t you Neil what is it Neil uh done darling uh how’s about uh me and you next week checking the Cup Final out two tickets Royal enclosure give United a cheer see Moses flying down the wing

Sending shots in past Foster in the Brighton goal fancy yeah well no for one Moses was suspended for two Steve Foster is not a goalkeeper he’s a center forward and for three the Royal enclosure is used in horse racing not football and for four you know long air had gone out of

Fashion hey mate you’ll be telling me she’s she’s playing hard to get next if football doesn’t work try poetry mate they love poetry you saying we should write a power yeah all right Ethel yeah where is it going up the shelves are going up I’ve hurt my fingers Ethel take

It easy will why don’t you do something nice and gentle why don’t you read the post oh all right you help me I’ll come back in a sec I just got to take the orange juice in look at this if the postman’s delivering like this to everybody he’s going to have a

Coronary I’ve had hundreds of letters I’m doing my best to answer them all but well sometimes there are just too many oh now this one’s got something inside let’s have a look it’s from malra near Wilshire tall at number 73 I don’t care if Harry has got

Smelly feet I still think he’s gorgeous this picture is a present for him I hope he likes it let’s have a look isn’t that terrific I think that’s worthy of Neel that one well done that’s fantastic now let’s see who is that from Joan NE well J Neil thanks very

Much and I’m sure Harry will like it I’m afraid he does have smelly feet I’m sorry about that nothing I can do about it what’s this there was an old posty called Fred who got it it into his head to woo Ethel Davis with sweet nothings and daisies that red star old posty

Called Fred must be rubbish can’t be true now then dear Ethel Harry Dawn I like your very much yours happily Steven pagee and Steven Paige comes from East Loan in Scotland miles away let me get my post office to get it here now my dear miss dudus a formal letter

Here any more noise from your house on Saturday mornings and I shall take legal action yours most sincerely Martin at number 75 the name terrible trouble with the noise from it for me oh I think there’s one here from you from say for you oh right dear all at 73 um I

Love your Saturday mornings the darling daring dazzling destify inly diddly diddle dangerously docile sandwich quiz I love all the characters especially Ethel oh favortism character um keep up the Fantastic work love Nicholas Arling from canterburry aen you’re not home there I’ve got a bit of an official

Letter here oh dear Miss Davis good morning we here at British Telecom yeah could not help but notice that last Saturday you had hundreds of phone calls this is fine we do not object to your being so popular however it seems that many many calls went astray a hospital

Switchboard got jammed and a poor little lady in mid whales received nearly as many of your calls as you did oh that’s a shame please please can you make sure that all your friends and other people who may call you dial very carefully indeed and make sure that they use the code

062 before dialing your number 6 Treo perhaps you could point out to your callers that if they get through to a wrong number it not only cost the money but also it causes a lot of disturbance to other people best wishes and good connection signed GPO Driscoll all right

So do please if you’re going to ring us up 062 it’s important to get it right it don’t upset anybody what are you going to ask them to ring up about this this week then what about the there wases you mean limericks yeah uh let’s see I’ve got somewhere the opening to limeric

Which I couldn’t really think of a very good finish um if you can think of a good finish to my Lim then why don’t you ring me up here’s the first two lines down there there was a mad house called 73 which suddenly found there was 60 for

Tea now the finish that I’ve got to it is with a shortage of bread and sicked to be fed it was terrible I’m sure you’ll agree so if you can s think sink if you can think of the last three lines of that limmerick phone us up here at home that’s maidon

6o maidon 6o there was a mad house called 73 which suddenly found there was 60 for Te the food went bad eth was mad so he said they went to the Sea that’s not bad at all that’s SE me uh [Applause] bully yeah going to have a cup of tea oh

You watch the Telly all right Lads fine problem fellas fellas this spring cleaning is turning into Autumn cleaning this time I mean it trust trust yeah and while I have your attention could you please leave Alec alone his promise to behave himself oh yeah oh Yeah lag M I’m sorry about that really wonderful you’re not yet mate I tell you you could go far preferably that direction sorry about this John listen this this trumpet is a bit on the small side compared to the one I used to play well I play a very special kind of

Trumpet it’s an E flat crooked into D most people would play John’s biggest hor there it is a trumpet which is a B flat trumpet if anyone learns or plays the trumpet then they’ll probably play one like that it’s absolutely lovely but that is a very special one indeed

Because that’s the Eddie Calver golden trumpet gold what do you mean golden trumpet well it’s um it’s cover in Gold real gold real gold yes how much does it want a lot of money a lot of money you’re not prepared to say though I’m not prepared to say so who was Ed C

Again just to well he was a legend Legendary trit player in the ‘ 50s and early 60s and he was the first man to record um Cherry pink and apple BL oh how does it how does it that that theme go again it’s quite a famous La in blue

That one isn’t he played a very special thing on it he did that very nice indeed that’s quite a lat Latin American feel off that in fact that’s that applies really to your a lot of your music as well doesn’t it yeah but we’re not you’re not what Latin

Americans do you actually sell though to to Latin engl yeah course course I think I can hear that it’s quite quite apparent but do you sell to yeah actually we we got a platinum uh album in Venezuela what what’s Platinum what is that how many records does that mean

You sold a lot of records and you sell then well the record don’t stop that crazym doing quite well in the the British charts oh yeah very well it’s har new entry this week oh that’s lovely and what about Europe how do you post way I don’t care it’s lovely

And how many how how well are you doing in Europe well our new album trick of the lights just taking off there and we’re doing especially well in Italy we went over there last week played at a festival there uhhuh and uh it was absolutely fantastic the reaction yes in fact there’s there’s

Cly do you want do you want to let us hear can’t stop well the thing is do you want to do you want to actually join the band I mean the way you’re playing trampet I feel a bit worri you know sure no I think I’ll just leave it to the professionals

Okay the mus getting closer around just wait see so get up close don’t look up and stick with me I see light look closer all the time let’s stay let’s play and make this yours and mine don’t stop stop stop that crazy don’t st stop stop that

Crazy next time you think you got that Happy Feeling don’t stop kissing dancing just ACH Romancing well Taste of Honey no one Ching time don’t think don’t talk let’s do the things we read Don’t Stop Don’t Stop don’t stop that crazy rym don’t stop don’t stop don’t stop that

Crazy next time you think you got that Happ don’t stop your says it’s but you got that in your head St St stop that crazy oh [Laughter] Wo don’t stop don’t stop don’t stop that crazy don’t stop don’t stop don’t stop that crazy be next time you think you got that Happy Feeling Don’t Stop Don’t Stop don’t stop that crazy stop st stop that crazy next time you think you got that Happy Feeling don’t stop that get it to you don’t stop that crazy don’t stop that crazy don’t stop that crazy stop because I wanted a bit of Peace while

The band were playing I haven’t had a Moment’s Peace to get these shelves finished now then six oh tick a not now all right then what is it tick ti ti ti ti ti tick what have you got to say for yourself tick tick kabow I’m ticker the

73 super machine with brains braw and news bet you don’t know where I came from no I don’t let’s have a look where did you come from is it human plop Art Pop news pop news pop news I should be plop news plop news plop news ticker is the first to be told

That the new bux Fizz single comes out 10th of June it will be called When We Were Young back I remember when I was young watch out for Adam Ant returning from his USA tour at the end of the month adamt been on tour in America kajo

Are pulling in so many crowds on there toour that girls fainting is it Beetle Mania all over again I remember that girls fainting all over the place the little concert car cars everybody’s in cars Arlene’s just back elton’s there so arjan Jan David B left there yesterday for Frankfurt clearly hungry are they

All there for the can can can can cans can can can I’ve got eyes and ears all over the place e something’s up what up tell me TI could it be the lodger Alec is taking over the house bye oh no I’m sure that’s all right I let can’t be

Taking over the house well go see what’s going on in the kitchen I’ll just get these shelves down now then section 44 head up a little bit more yeah yeah so there the light runs down PL this you know yeah okay okay smile no I Haven

Quite good it right hold on wait a minute L SN who you um don’t answer that you’re Neil he’s staying the night oh is he not in your dining room I hope because the dining room is my room I’ve decided you’ve decided that have you Alex yes I have I think that you’re

Finding the two weeks that you’re staying here that we make them decisions democratically oh yeah yeah well I’ve made a democratic decision and I’ve decided the dining room is my room and you can do what you like look that’s not very Democratic at all mate oh please

What if I want to I might want to use it bathroom for you I thought room you your okay Ginger stop bickering yeah yeah no well well h on second thoughts Lads oh thirst do want this I think I’ll have a glass of each tool watch this uh sorry about the

Football Before Dawn but how’ you fancy doing a bit of modeling for plop art you know not so much of the old plop art art art how about a bit of photographic creativity then creativity yeah you you got to be joking AR here fancies himself as a right regular Little David Bailey

And after some haggling took me out on a modeling session what do you mean aglin I only mentioned modeling and you stuck all the false eyelashes on didn’t you well anyway as usual when Harry gets enthusiastic something happens oh haggus get the blind will you no thank you all

Right don’t get the blind then all right me a photographer I think I’m very artistic at32 29 so you what the ASA on this gone up now I can’t understand it don’t shout so much you’ll frighten us oh come on can you get it facing this way a bit more come on

Darling this is going to look great in the album I tell you yeah come on mate give us a smile don’t smile just one more oh that’s it keep it there beautiful now look can you just get that umbrella sort of like to your shoulder that’s it a bit more Regal

Looking come on Dy look at the camera I know he’s ugly but have a look just one more roll what’ you reckon all these tires are doing they name hold it there you look lovely Don can’t you be a bit more enthusiastic how can anyone be enthusiastic in this rig out look

Imagine you’re a pop star right you’ve got a greatest SS album coming out what does the album cover look like lovely volume two three oh yes love it great four oh arry I’ve not got that many HS yeah that’s true just one more row terrific now then forward forward

For no you just need to go back a bit back a bit that’s it no there no hold it there hold it there you move I didn’t move you move sorry love didn’t expect to see you here looking like it’s at the traffic lights hey D that’s lovely hold it there hold

It hello what are you doing it’s fixing my brakes hold it there hold it there right well it’s all a bit big can you move in a bit great thank you I’m sorry about the uh incident over there with the traffic lights um can I make it up to you would you

Like a ride on the cars oh I want mine you have to get kitted out I don’t think quite the right kit yeah you haven’t got anything at here it’s got a set of overalls you know where they are next to yeah come on in let’s go things some

People have all they like didn’t they I heard you mentioning CTI is it like go-karting building your own no no no this is a super cart a super cart yes this does 150 miles an hour that’s fast that’s fast is that the same as the Formula One it’s almost as quick how do

You get started in one of these well you wouldn’t actually start with one of these this is the top of the line what you’d start off with is a little cart um a little 100 Brit cart it only cost £300 and I suppose they’re simpler to handle

Too gears wise and everything else stood there could you pass me that yeah sure it’s quite unusual to see a lady fixing her own car I do all my own mechanics really yes you do it all yourself hey is there any other girls around you that do

Super carding no I’m afraid there aren’t I wish there were makes you try very nice very nice okay right I’ll just show you how to make it go that’s off on switch up as off everything else is won have to touch just pull that make it go and that’s see

Yeah how do I make it start how do I make it stop right that is the accelerator right not too fast very very simple and that’s a break all right it’s just that it’s very okay I’m ready then right good luck you need it I’ve got to get a picture of this I

Tell you what you look like the alien yeah come and smile lovely Lely okay ready good luck cool I hope you’ve done the right thing I’m sure you’ve done the right are you ined I hope she Is What speed would you say she’s she’s going out there she’s going pretty quick she’s doing about 35 miles an hour now she for a beginner really does it feel like you’re going faster oh it feels like you’re doing about a million miles an hour really extra effect you’re just

Is that cuz you’re so low that that’s right seems dangerously low actually oh no but it is because it’s so low you feel like everything’s rushing past yeah I suppose when you are carting that’s as long as you got a good set of leathers strong boots and a good supervisor

That’s all you need smashing she’s getting quite flash she is is she she’s get the hang of it do you want to have a go now thought you’d never ask Russia come on eat Your I think you should go show them how the professionals do okay Hey Oh [Applause] Long time to go time to Go come on girl [Applause] Want hey look over there what’s that yes he’s obviously been trying very hard to keep up with then and his engine’s blown up under the strain it’s blown up isn’t that dangerous doing no it’s not too bad no it should be all right would you like to leg go in there

Yes right there yeah I’m going to get a picture of this one go girl come on come on way ahead away [Applause] Smile oh no no the camera well done well it’s not champagne but it’s anex thing is it cck it up for you a champag it’s a bit difficult through there do you want a straw about some for the some for these guys over well done L listen did you realize carine was

Britain’s top woman car time I never knew that how did you know that so here oh yeah it’s fabulous learn something every day yeah anyway Neil look at these pictures look at that that’s awful look ugly I’ll tell you Dreadful that’s a work of art very

Artistic I like it very much look at this one I mean it’s not bad but Shadow too much Shadow I’ll tell you Dreadful too much got Shadow and this one not enough Shadow I think very nice oh well it’s called The Shadow and the light so

Head on where’s head she got a head now look at that that’s called the body in the industry but you can’t see much of the industry it’s very industrious it’s very nice don’t you think so well well thank you Al very very nice how did it happen to cut off the

Talk I mean what did you oh well that was they’re not staying as well are they I certainly hope not heyy no no sandwiches sorry what about turn sandwiches later later on yeah see you later on all right later sandwiches tea what byebye yeah look are you sure

They’re not staying well they’re not staying in the dining room that’s my room they might stay in the lounge with you of course now I’m I’m I’m in the lounge yeah you know where you want to go in the lounge I’m in theing bedroom you got bedroom you bedroom dining do

You mind be it loue so how long does it normally take you to make up a dance oh to make it up I can do it in a day day to teach people about a week a week mhm we’ve got an hour go let’s get started

I’ll put the music on all right now you think first step if we do walk right left turn and push to the hips then repeat it that way Left Right push push right left push push left right right now from here step one and two press

Three and four and five and six six and seven and eight let’s try that to the music then I’ll watch it from the top and walk walk push walk walk push walk walk push walk ready for the fast step and I one step step keep going all right got it to there Step

Clap and two hits step flap hip hip back back not forward forward back back back back back back all right from the top ready five six seven eight and walk walk push come on enjoy it smile walk walk bounce bounce walk walk fast step hip hip and step and step again step kick

Come on keep going ready for the clap step step clap hip back clap stretch up stretch up and again reach up your arms look about this long try it again stretch up and over hip stretch up over and stretch let me see it ready five six seven go reach up FL hip

Hip reach up hip hip reach up use both arms right and left and clap good right let’s mark it again from the beginning see if you really got it sorry to pick up the SP you ladies and ladies but um I I hope you don’t if you don’t realize

That I’m moving into the lounge I’m decide that this is my room okay well second thoughts that what you think well I thought that a minute ago but I’ve just changed my mind I’m sorry that’s a really good one thanks so much for finding bye wonderful people Fanning

Up already with lims now then section 53 attaches to section 65 what an earth have I done with Section 64 eth do a favor while you could you put that over in the corner and that’s still oh right yes very much it’s quite room in here isn’t it

Nice yeah I’ve decided to move in here after all what yeah I decided to move in here let me just get this straight what you Alec the lodger uhhuh have decided to take over the labory is that right something like that yes mhm why well you

See I need peace and quiet what four radio four what four radio four what four for for radio what for Radio 4 what for Radio 4 it’s it’s an it’s a thing for radio I’ve written oh for radio for Radio 4 well see it’s a it’s a play it’s

A novel I’ve written right well half a novel and I hope to get adapted for radio oh I see like book at bedtime B at bedtime maybe even who’s going to do that well hopefully a producer friend of mine what producer friend I think I name is Miss Lee right she’s coming quite

Soon she coming today not today but quite soon how exciting what I tell you what if she comes I’ll do what I do for you what I’ll send her up right eth good girl all your acents excuse me l oh I can’t believe it book at bedtime oh my words over the airwaves

Even a brain her dear dear dirty Beast never a mind oh by the way thanks a lot for your letters recommending books for the higher recommendable shelf unfortunately I haven’t been able to get through them all yet but don’t worry I intend to be around for quite some time

Yet oh this week’s highly recommendable is by it’s called Dirty beast and it’s by R Dal and it’s a series of it’s a series of stories all in rhyme and the one I’m about to read is about a porcupine that’s not one of his by the

Way that’s mine the rhy that is okay fine oh never mind some other time the porcupine by R each Saturday I shout hooray for that’s my pocket money day although it’s clearly understood I only get it when I’m good this week my parents had been

Told that I had been as good as gold so after breakfast 50p my generous father gave to me like lightning down the road I ran until I reached the Sweet Shop man and bought the chocolates of my dreams a great big bag of raspberry creams there’s a secret place I know where I

Quite often like to go beyond the wood behind some rocks a super Blaze for guzzling chalks when I arrived I quickly found a comfy looking little Mound quite clean and and round and earthy Brown just right I thought for for sitting down here I will sit all morning long and eat until my

Chalks are gone I sat I screamed I jumped a fit would you believe that I had put that tender little rump of mine upon a giant porcupine my backsight seemed to catch in fire 100 red hot bits of wire 100 prickles stick in and puncturing my

Precious skin I ran for home I shouted mom behold the prickles in my bum my mom who always keeps her head bent down to look and then she said I personally am not about excuse me I’m just turning the page to try and pull those prickles out I think this job

Requires the services of Mr Myers I shouted not the dentist no oh Mom why don’t you have a go I begged her twice I bed her thce but grown-ups never take advice she said the dentist very strong he pulls things out the whole day long she drove me quickly into town and then

They turned me upside down upon the awful dentist chair while two strong nures held me there enter the dreaded Mr Myers waving a massive bear of players this is he cried with obvious Glee a new experience for me quite honestly I can’t pretend I’ve ever pulled things out from

This end he started pulling one by one and yelling oh my oh my what fun I shouted help I shouted he said it’s nearly over new For Heaven’s Sake don’t squirm about here goes the last one’s coming out the the dentist pulled and out it came and then I heard the man

Exclaim now let us talk about the fees that will be 50 g please no my mother is a Gusty bird and never never one to mince a word she cried my gosh that’s Jolly steep he answered no it’s very cheap my dear woman can’t you see that

If it hadn’t been for me this child could go another year with prickle sticking in her rear so that was that oh what a day and what a fuss and by the way I think I know why porcupine surround themselves with prickly spines it is to stop some silly clown from

Squashing them by sitting down don’t copy me don’t be a twit be sure to look before you sit now remember if it’s a book you like write to me and let me know the author and why you like it I’ll put it on the highly recommendable shelf okay and the

Address to send it to is number 73 P box 73 midstone K now you must excuse me please because I’m about to work on chapter 29 in my new novel now where was I chapter 29 at your convenience right I want to get a good closeup on this one now so oh yeah

That’s great can you move your left for lunch what that way going to click it like that if I’m I don’t want to don’t want to see your teeth all right lovely actually head up a little bit more just to make it yeah lovely spring cleaning is going

Brilliantly oh the spring cleaning sorry forgot about that what you been drawing shove up let’s have a look super Harold Mountain clim on you that should be entirely bandage by the time I finished now it’s lonel barar what do you it’s not lonel barar it’s super har brilliant you’ve

Captured something about him let’s face it though you can’t mistake it with a head like that hey come on let’s have a look at this get down it is Lionel Barrymore actually that’s not bad right captured a few of me wrinkles and then where do you begin with things like that

Well I usually begin on the ears but in your case you’ve got one bigger than the other so be on the nose thank you very much right you’re going to look at this oh no I have done a photograph here of my favorite man who is it

Rick hey Roger Ramjet you mean it’s time for you ready let’s get this ready two three four Roger R he’s our man hero of our nation for his adventures just be sure and stay to the station here we go Tak the world go for it

Rerer 733 here we go 5 4 3 2 1 as this extortionate episode begins we find the whole world in a trauma important people from the four corners of the round sphere are disappearing like contact lenses and a basketball game men we’ve got to find a way to stop

This yeah they already got the president the Secretary of State and Wilma split Gerber and all them big wheels here’s the latest list of important type people what got kidnapped I just thought of something general did it hurt all these important people had one thing in common when they

Were kidnapped what man what they were all flying an airplanes that’s what every one of them was up in a plane where they got themselves stalled drat what are you doing here clumsy hero thought you might be in trouble General I’ve heard all about the celebrities of the world being stolen

Just thought I could help you could if you could get stolen wait that’s it ranet you’re rather important in some circles get yourself captured and find out who’s behind all this then finish them off and return all the world’s missing celebrities but how do I get stolen just fly around edel here has

Determined that all the others are stolen when they’ve been flying an aircraft get going man and so the plan was hatched Roger Ramjet was soon up into the blue flying about just coaxing whoever or whatever it was that was kidnapping the world’s leaders certainly seems to be a lot of

Air traffic up here [Applause] Today well that seems to be the answer it’s those huge arms that are behind this plot Ram up to American Eagles come in yes Roger we read you come in boys I want you to get into your planes and join me in this search I’ve got to get

Myself kidnapped and I want you to help right Roger how do we do it I want you to fly vapor trails around me and point out to the kidnappers just who I am well boys and girls pretty juicy thinking on Roger’s part wouldn’t you say and shortly the rest of the American Eagle

Squadron was airborne and signaling the mysterious arms to capture Roger ramet but nothing seemed to help all the important people in the world were being kidnapped but not r Ramjet and suddenly even the rest of the American Eagles were lifted from their planes now that really makes me mad how

Come those guys get captured before me I’m more important than they are after all I’m more important than boo boo feeble corn Speedy Alka Seltzer girl C feston bubbles but that’s the way it went soon every important person on Earth had been kidnapped except Roger Ramjet let’s join the American Eagle

Squadron somewhere in outer space kids we got to get out of this mess in a Thrice before yank doodle and could become loosed the kidnappers appeared the dreaded solenoid robots click that just about wraps it up we’ve captured every important person on earth now we can take over the world without any

Fight prepare to land our Fleet of spaceships and of the world that’s what we’ll do doodle you have one of Roger’s proton energy pills yeah but it’s in my pocket and I can’t reach it let me help it it gives you the strength of 20 adom [Applause] Please let’s just get this straight you’re on the put me out you’re I know why you want to go in the Lou thank goodness nobody else is staying tonight get your cup F hats programs scarves rosettes get your cup final souvenirs hats scarves rosettes a brighten finger get your cup final

Souvenirs Fred this is uh Fred lineage Dage oh Fred Dage I’m so sorry what are you doing get your cup final suit well times are a little hard it’s the Cup Final next week so what better way of generating a little money Cup Final souvenirs get your hats and scarves

Goodness what a lot of programs you want a cup of tea a brighten finger yes please sorry Spong finger and a brighten finger here you go just oh thank you very much got sugar is it sugar yes lovely cheers let me see your jumper that is wonderful do you always do you

Like it well blue for Brighton yeah red for Manchester United you can’t offend anybody that way can you now come on you’re not that much on the fence who’s going to win oh it’s ever so difficult I agonize over that you know because first of all you think it’s got to be

Manchester United because man for man they must be a better team and then you think well I don’t know Brighton have CA so many upsets they beat Liverpool the best team in Britain away from home so maybe it could be Brighton’s here I’m still undecided the jumper do you think

Sometimes when I mean Brighton is supposed to be the underdog aren’t they sometimes when you get a kind of David and Goliath thing David’s got all the energy because they haven’t done it before I mean Manchester United been in for the cup before they so maybe that

Gives them I think there’s a bit of that in it CU I mean for Manchester United as you say so correctly you know it’s all something they’ve done before but for Brighton it’s all brand new I mean they’re so excited about it it’s like a

Fairy tale I mean you know what they I’m sorry you know what they do every night before a cup round they’ve had this sort of big get together in a meal and all the players give each other presents silly presents for example before the semi-final when they played sheffi

Wednesday at hyre all the players gave the manager jimy Amilia a huge empty wallet why to put in all the money he’s going to make for getting to the Cup Final uh they gave the club doctor a set of darts because they Reon he’s the best

Man for giving Jabs in the whole team little Kieran o Reagan little Irish boy who’s making his debut this afternoon at Norwich for Brighton could even play in The Cup Final next week very very Irish they gave him an English dictionary and Neil Smiley very good forward the

Smallest man of the team with the shortest legs they gave him a pair of ladies stiletto heel shoes to make him look bigger so you see it’s all fun for Bri but but all this fun preparation there must be a lot of serious stuff that they’ve got to go through as well

And what what kind of leadup do they have to the cup well I mean they’re fit obviously they’re very fit all these guys you know so a lot of it’s mental and as long as Brighton for example don’t get over excited Carried Away by the whole occasion that’ll be all right

For Manchester United they’re so experienced anyway for the big occasion I don’t think it’ll worry them you know now what about uh Brighton’s main fell Steve Steve Foster what’s going to happen about him big problem for Steve Foster of course and Remy Moses of Manchester United I don’t know if this

Legal action that he’s trying the Brighton the trying will work I hope so in a way because I think it’s ever so sad if a player like Steve Foster or Remy Moses should miss the Cup Final it’s a Once in a Lifetime think it’s taking bright 87 years to get there Steve Foster’s

87 he just looks no no but you know it’s a Once in a Lifetime thing it’s like meeting you eth oh thank you very much listen before you go have you got something that’s kind of half and half I made up my mind absolutely right for you

Because I’ve got a hat here somewhere here look it’s half Brighton and it’s half Manchester United so you can’t I have to make up my mind who I AB one more thing I hate to raise this point but you know I’m working this area at the moment you know doing this little

Bit of business on the side I don’t live here hotels are ever so expensive there’s no chance I suppose just for for one night that I could you want stay well if it’s no problem that would be lovely Fred I mean I’m never s clean no

No that that i’ really appreciate it I could a little bit fellas this is Fred Fred’s going to stay the night isn’t that great yeah great really our hotel rooms then you promised us rooms come on have a words are they they not stay in as well are they I certainly hope

Not what am I going to Do hey hey if you I’d really appreciate it if I could go in the dining room don’t such one watch it I think maybe fell brilliant news what I’ve just been showing Fred around the house and he loves it oh great does he really so he’s decided he’s going to stay in Harry’s

Room so what I’ve arranged is one of the three of you could stay in that room with Fred somebody in the lounge somebody in the dining room and one of you is going to elect to stay in the shed you well that seemed amicable enough didn’t it set myself down such a day

Getting everything done hello maidon 6 o hello hello who’s that Ruth Richardson hello Ruth Richardson where are you fing from um Western near Stafford Western near Stafford I’ve never been up there is that is that country or city Countryside yeah what what sort of place

Do you live in um it’s it’s a village it’s a village how nice I and you go to school locally do you um well I go to school in stone is that far no 7 miles oh seven miles that’s not too bad at all have you got three lines to finish my

Limeric yes okay let’s have a listen um do you want me to read it all yeah please there was a mad house at 73 who suddenly found there was for tea the teapot exploded and the table was loaded with wet soggy fish chips and tea that’s wonderful did you do that one

On your own yes that’s terrific well thank you very much for phoning Ru very impressive bye-bye byebye isn’t that wonderful I’ve got a oh hello another one maidon 6 o tro hello hello who’s that Bly Lowry Beverly yeah hello Beverly where are you fing from I’m Bromley in London Bromley in London oh

I’ve been there listen Beverly are you any good to DIY at all no no I’m can you see what I’ve done to my fingers yes I’m struggling struggling I never get these shelves built listen have you got another three lines for the Limer for me yeah right there was a mad house called

73 who suddenly found they had for tea but the cabbs will bear there’s no food anywhere so everyone had to go hungry they’re terrific did you find it difficult to do a little bit yeah a little bit listen can I ask your advice what do you think I should make Alex

Sleep in the shed yes you think I should yeah right well I I’ll bear it in mind thanks very much for phoning okay bye I should put Alec in the shed made six o Tri o hello hello who’s that K Jackson hello Karen Jackson where are you fing from peterb Peterborough oh

That’s that’s sort of Cambridge area isn’t it yeah up near there you go to school near there yeah have you got a lyic for me yes okay yeah there’s a mad house at 73 who found they had 60 for tea they had ice cream and jelly but with Harry’s feet

Being smelly they were sick after eating their tea it’s it is terrible actually I’m afraid you know I hate to tell people that but his feet really do smell thanks very much for fing okay then bye it’s a terrible thing about his feet you know that room is absolutely lovely

It’s ever so kind of you really nice and you don’t mind sharing with not at all no no not at all no it’s absolutely ideal listen you haven’t got a there Wasa have you it’s funny while I was up there cogitating yeah I just I did one

It’s not very good okay there was a small team called Brighton and Manchester United were fright on I mean no offense but they split the defense and nonf frighten Brighton went right on do you like it that’s very good and very act very Act I thought was terrific excuse MEK M

6 hello hello who’s that sorry I can’t can’t hear your name d Teresa a Theresa and where are you finding from Theresa TIG in Hampshire ah have you got a liy for me yes okay let’s have a listen there was a mad house at number 73 he found they had 60 people

For Te there was there were cakes and sweets and special treats one of those to tea with me that’s very good thanks very much for morning Teresa all right byebye bye it’s amazing what people can do it is amazing yes it is yes hi hi hi

Hi um look um I haven’t known you very long and uh I’m not very good with words so um I’ll let Neil tell you uh well it’s like this Fred it’s much too important for me to tell you so I’ll leave you to the Scotsman okay ah Fred

Yeah you’re still there yes well um the lazer has something to say hav okay Fred you’re in the shed no Lads honestly I don’t you to go to any trouble on my account I am quite happy in Harry’s room honestly really yeah well okay that went

Well um Fred uh could you go and get arene for me she’s in the lounge yeah you don’t mind thanks very much right now that he’s out just between you and me we’re going to set up the sandwich quiz right this is the bit that I call

The pits because I’ve got to make lunch for everybody and instead of just making the sandwiches we’re going to have a little bit of a quiz now the winner is going to toce this very wonderful sandwich quiz Loaf the befed sandwich quiz loaf which Graces many a wonderful mental piece

Right now then let’s get set up get the tray out are you ready everybody yeah lot of sandwiches we need this week and my little box all tricky questions Fred arene are hi hi oh have you met Fred yes we have had a CH outside you’re hungry

To I’m still are you yes so the daring dazzling death defying dull devastatingly dangerous delectable delices divinely decadent sandwich quiz thank you very much could I have your name please uh Fred Dage and you’re in sports aren’t you well I hope you’re going to be a bit of a sport about this

Quiz okay could I have your name please AR and Phillips AR and Phillips I’ve heard some very hot gossip about you but we won’t talk about that now okay moving right along we’re going to go into the first round what I want you to do open

Question either of you can answer if you get the question right you get a piece of bread you move on to the filling question so here’s a night for you you are Le a nice you there friend good luck and I hope you’re going to play at home

Right first question either of you can answer who invented the telephone oh Alexander Gran Bell absolutely correct don’t you worry about it so what kind of a filling you going to go for there friend oh I get a filling straight away do I no you’ve got to answer a

Question but what kind are going to go oh I’m going to go us something nice and Squishy like the pineapple jam here pineapple jam like a bit of a Hawaiian filling we’re going to have okay let’s see here’s more of a question for arene

But I’m sure he can do it can you get your leg up onto the table of can of course you can for find the sandwiches Now brilliant would you have him in one of your glasses only of course absolutely there’s an offer friend that you probably can’t refuse okay oh sorry thanks very much Sor okay so that’s a piece of bread there bed bread to Fred and a little bit of pineapple jam and another piece of

Bread be making a sandwich what you think about the next question which is open come on come on you can do this one okay come on who was the famous pirate with the peg leg I forgot no cheating going on from the crowd whatsoever and therefore pie of bread do

You know what kind of fing you’re going to go for oh sandwich bread sandwich bread okay for your piece of sandwich bread can you do just here A Time step oh God yes come oh okay sandwich bread to you we’re doing very well we got a round each and

Fred I might say has beautifully cut his in four quarters very impressed I’m almost give me another point there for being s neque okay open question no it’s all right Haren round each open question Nei of you can answer concentrating hard now both of you who was the Flying Nanny with a parrot

Umbrella I think first I’m sorry Fred I’m terribly sorry you have to be just that little smid and quicker in there what kind of sandwich you going to go for this time quick as you can be jam Jam sandwich okay with this toothbrush which I happen to have hand just here I

Want you to put your arm around the back of your neck and clean your teeth absolutely clean teeth I promise you sir no no yes piece of a piece of bread there I think for Ingenuity I think absolutely and a bit a jam there and that’s two

Rounds to one as we move on fix this you know fixing she did go around she did take me literally and I think therefore we move on is she staying as well she beamed current affairs sectionalist a chance to catch you up be afid two rounds to one because if you get these

Question right you get a whole current sandwi uping the okay no either of you can answer okay who are Mr and Mrs Smith from Miami at the moment who were in the news Mr and M no no Prince Charles D I think they I think okay slly ahead it’s two rounds each

Getting very exciting okay either of you can answer let’s see who’s going to get his two rounds to an immensely tense section here can you name the leaders of the main parties in the general election David steel Margaret Michael Michael foot I think we’ll have another question

I think it’s too close which Smash Hit to show in Britain is to be axed in America fame fame absolutely Lu I’m terribly sorry Fred just ped you at the post you can have that cons of a consolation sponge finger and I hope you’re going to help me catch Fred out

Here because we move on to the be squidy bun section now then Fred instead of saying The Vow sound I I want you to say squidy bun squ okay what’s the name of the famous Tower in Paris squidy B squidy bunel Tower absolutely right if you’ve got one AR you join tricky man

What show never opened and closed in London with that famous word what famous word famous show that didn’t open it was a lot of publicity about it didn’t open in London what was it was called squidy bu me squidy bun me get ity Bun squidy bun squidy bun it was called squidy bun

Absolutely bun absolutely cheating going on here moving on you got to answer another question now what’s the name of a famous book by Robert Louie Stevenson squidy squidy buland treasure well treasure treasure squidy buland don’t hang on to me there do it on your own sorry control yourself goodness sake

Treasure we’re not used to this we’re not at all squ treasure treasure squidy buland we’re doing so well okay the final one for the beamed not the golden the Golden Loaf the golden loaf sailors say to captains they say squidy bun they do I I sir they say squidy bun squidy

And so and I’m very sorry alen you’re going have to come back and play again but Fred Dage you are the winner of the beamed sandwich quiz loaf wonderful absolutely superb oh good sport there okay that was another daring dazling Des defying Dell delectable delicate testable devastatingly dangerous divinely decent sandwich w

Well done I’m so sorry you didn’t to get out there and get some dancing instead now come on I WR a special little poem for this are you ready what you’ve been sitting down in a trance now is your ultimate chance put on your shoes blow away the

Blues and get up with us dance ladies and gentlemen modern romance and the arene Phillips dancers fun come on let’s go and Dance feelings you must let things get you down nothing’s wor the frown cuz last he shut for misery get up and do the town so listen to the words I say listen they might mean something sing it loud and you will see hear it in our M feeling oh feeling oh feeling

It’s a cup final next week isn’t the oh yes don’t forget 9:30 next week not 10:30 because Alec has insisted that we watch The Cup Final so 9 after next week should we take all this sandwiches out I’ve been mess the M you see well you must know that it’s a crime

Get up we have the key don’t sit around waste your time we’ll give this prophecy if you would kindly see my way listen to the words I say I know that you would see the light travel to a greater high oh feeling oh feel oh oh feel oh Oh so come along and dance with me open your eyes and see you’re not too old you’re not too young you’re free feels good feeling strong now join with us sing song get in the let me you sing feeling oh feeling oh feeling oh feeling Oh oh oh oh Oh those this is