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How you doing I’m Gina Falone you can put a gun to my head but I ain’t calling myself McDougall my pop used to be the cappo in a New York crime family that was great everywhere I went I was treated with respect hey Gina good to see you kid

Here’s a 100 get yourself a lollipop I talked with that dentist of yours you won’t be getting any more cavities that was all about to end because my Uncle G started shooting his mouth off the dawn ordered a hit on him but my pop didn’t have the stones to do

It so while pop was begging the dawn to spare che’s life I decided to make my bones and take cheich out and then pop had to go and screw it up I guess pop did have Stones just not a lot of brains and that’s how we wound

Up in lady part skatan it’s okay to say it sweetie Regina but if you think I like being here you can [ __ ] oh language what the [ __ ] wrong with you forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with

A gambini but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle G it take the boss he threw him from the 19 floor site wasn’t much along till the M once in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help

If they could use him as F so he red out his friends and M catch you on forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about it are your fingers tired at the end of a long day they are are you still

Dialing the phone by hand I am do you sometimes not point because you just can’t be bothered that’s me I hate pointing with super finger you’ll never have to lift a finger again oh that’s handy oh fingery but wait there’s more it also scratches pokes Taps and picks it’s

Super now 800 finger me now welcome to Super Finger enter your credit card number now wait a minute we don’t have a credit card enter your credit card number now I said I don’t have a credit card do you take cash sure really no I’ll give you a super finger

Jimmy do you know what I do all day when you’re at work that’s between you and Dr Roz I drive around town paying our bills in cash I’m tired of living like this and I’m sick of lugging this around don’t you think it’s time we got a

Credit card what are you talking about you got lots of those none with my real name on them besides mol took them away like it’s a crime to use someone else’s credit card ah you don’t want one of them what if someone steals it buys an

Asian bride off the internet you bet me you promise better life Jimmy I want to live beyond our means like normal people all right cook if you want a credit card so bad I’ll get you one how the hell do you get a credit card it’s easy you

Steal a lady’s pressure taker card bada boom bada bing I mean legitimately I got nothing oh for Christ’s sake you open a bank account fine I’ll dig up the nest egg and put it in the bank you don’t got to yell G get me a shovel no problem m

J get your own dead shovel in layman’s terms the annual percentage jeez I never been in a bank for more than three and a half minutes boy I miss those Days so what do you think sir I think I could take this place in about two and a half I meant in terms of Interest hey I’m here ain’t I so did you want the low risk interest rate of .1% or did you want to lock it in at six so

I can have 0.1 or 6% that’s right I’ll take the six and you better have it by Friday sorry old habits your deposit slip my life savings for a piece of paper and they call me a gangster holy [ __ ] I’m rich cookie I got you little something yes a credit card my favorite

Piece of plastic that doesn’t vibrate listen up everyone I learned a valuable lesson at the bank today we’re richer than we think what are you talking about it’s easy you had the N I dug up from the yard with the money I stashed under the furnace minus the cash I sent to

That Nigerian prince and it equal Don’t you dare Yo Jimmy you got to try this caviar and trule sandwich it’s 600 bucks every time I take a bite and it tastes just like chicken nah I’m too full from the Nal soup we didn’t spend too much yesterday did we not at all we bought mostly Essentials a that right

Percy what the hell my credit cards declined last time someone declined me I put the head in a Vice run it again same thing what’s the problem what’s the problem I’ll tell you the problem I got some [ __ ] up my ass asking what the freaking problem is I

Don’t believe this Jimmy give me some cash any chance we could run a tab a super finger oh I so want one of those Mr McDougall your money is locked in for a period of no less than 6 months due to the high interest rate I explained this all to you in great

Detail isn’t there anything you can do how about a loan you know we’re good for it I’m sorry Mrs McDougall but our records indicate that you recently went on an insane spending spree and are now at significant credit risk Jimmy what are we going to do what did he say

Cook holy crap we’re broke so now that all my money’s locked up I need you to float me for the next 6 months I’m sorry Jimmy but it’s against witness protection rules after we set you up with your first job your financial well-being is your own concern

I would love to offer you a personal loan that’s great but I’m afraid I’m on a strict budget not only do I support horse myself in a village of Bushman orphans but every remaining dollar goes to my poor aging mother and her insanely expensive benay addiction so you can’t

Do nothing for me oh Contra my friend I can give you something even better than money more money no a money tree no a money Factory no what the hell is better than money if you say happiness a religion I’m out of here a vigorous pep

Talk at times like this a man has to reach deep down inside himself self to find out what makes him a man to find wherein lies the root of his true character let me read you a letter from one of my orphans Jimmy horse back to the zoo with you Mister all right everyone listen up it looks like we’re having a small cash flow problem if someone ain’t paying up I say go for the knees n Gina your mother thinks we got to live economical for a while so we’re going to have to cut back on a few things Teresa that

Means no new clothes you mean no new clothes today right Gina no betting on long shots but old Glue Factory in the fourth is looking real good and cheich no more booze for a while well I had a good run someone spot me a bullet I’ll pay you

Back this is great now we can Implement all the green initiatives I’ve been suggesting it’ll Force us to reduce our carbon footprint we have to buy smaller shoes now too screw this I know how to make money Teresa you will not have sex for money Mom this is so unfair now you

Kids listen to your mother I got to run I’m teeing off in an hour Jimmy you march right down to that tourism Bureau and get your job back and you can forget about about golf no more golf G I’m calling sloppy seconds on that Bullet can’t believe we have to ride the bus we’re turning into those people who bring bags to the store because they can’t afford plastic mass transit is good for the environment and reduces CO2 emissions this is so unfair how could daddy expect us to live on 0 a day

That’s almost nothing what’s the matter with you two you’ve been living off a pop like forever me I’ve been earning for myself since preschool you want something in this life you take it simple as that she’s right not about the stealing of course but there are things we can do to make

Our own money like collecting bottles for recycling really tell me more well recycling saves resources reduces smog the money part they pay for bottles so we can earn money and save the planet at the same time driver take me to where we save the planet sure it’s one stop

Pass where we end world hunger stupid Kid morning um Jimmy I don’t think you sorry can’t talk lot of work to do got to put the old nose in the grindstone so oh I’m sorry Jimmy but didn’t you quit what quit what are you kidding I love this job I love whatever it is we uh do

Here I’m sorry but you were very clear that you wanted to termin at your employment Toby that’s not my ass my ass is in color Jimmy as much as I’d like to give you your job back we’ve already hired someone else so fire him no can do last time I

Did that his Union was all over me so did Toby give you your job back yeah cheich my first day back and he gave me the day off well looks like I got to find some other job good thing you got the day off you don’t know what it’s like out there

Jimmy it’s Doggy Dog people killing each other to climb the corporate ladder you look the wrong way somebody stabs you in the back hey wait a minute you know exactly what it’s like out there yeah I do who knows maybe I’ll get one of them CEO

Jobs where I can screw up and ask for a bailout I’m going to get a job too had a boy cheich you think I got a good voice for phone sex Yo maom are we poor no Gina we’re not poor we’re just a little light right now that’s an actual thing I thought it was something deadbeat said when they don’t want to pay no it’s an actual thing so if you’re not poor why are you buying all this generic crap grumpy Green Giant

Hamburger hindrance room temperature Pockets who buys this stuff immigrants and hobos honey don’t forget the elderly no one’s talking you TOS Teresa just because it’s called dumpster diving doesn’t mean you actually have to dive I know you did how much did we make can you believe this is the only

Job we could get I got 20 years experience running a family business but no freaking references you know who would have been a good reference Don gambini he thought the world of you till you whacked them welcome to Blue Ball Ranch boys what we do here is extract

Bull Seaman for export and how exactly do we do that same way you do at home you mean in front of a window with the neighbors watching oh God my arm is tired your Arm third 2 bucks that’s it a broad who does the same job gets at least 80 bucks an hour 100 if she doesn’t like Che I still don’t understand what your job is Jimmy I don’t bring my work home unless it gets on my shirt well you got to find

Something else we’re barely scraping by we can’t pay our bills and now CH is eating dog food it makes my coat shiny cook this is temporary we’ll get through it if I ever let you down not until now you haven’t what’s this a pawn shop ticket I hawked my engagement ring to

Buy groceries you did what well someone has to provide for this family and right now that someone ain’t you I can’t believe he sold it without talking to me I was hungry I couldn’t think straight I know things are bad but look on a bright side they can’t possibly get

Worse and they just got worse Jesus Jimmy I’m blind this is what we get from messing with them Bulls are you kidding me what I saw candles I thought romance was in the air along with a hint of lavender that’s cheat burning Furniture to stay warm and you can forget fooling around the mortgage company’s breathing down our necks if we don’t pay on time we lose

The house 10 minutes of sweaty groping ain’t going to help can’t hurt what so now you won’t sleep with me cuz I got no money I won’t sleep with you cuz I got no ring it’d be a sin what about our vows for richer and for pora I’m an

Italian girl from Brooklyn I crossed my fingers during the pora part what about during the obey part yeah I’m sleeping on the couch ain’t I hey where’d you get all that money do I ask you about your business listen kid you think you could loan me a few bucks

I might be able to help you out you’re a lifesaver at 18% what that’s crazy that’s highway robbery that’s that’s my girl if you don’t mind my saying pop you’re stooping pretty low borrowing money off a kid tell me about it but I don’t know what else to do you

Can act like a in I don’t know what else to do get out there pull some jobs there’s Banks liquor stores convenience stores credit unions and that’s just robberies you could be out there running numbers pimping broad selling protection but instead you’re sitting around like a schmuck I don’t even know you

Anymore jeez maybe she’s right I got it ow oh Jus Jimmy I’ve been concerned about your descent into abject poverty how are things to be honest which is hard for me around cops not too good you’re not considering a return to a life of crime are you to be dishonest which is way

More up my alley no not at all take solace Jimmy sweet mother Canada stands at the bottom of the Abyss waiting to cradle you in the silky Embrace of her social safety net say again in American tomorrow I want you to March down to the Service Canada office and apply for

Employment insurance what the hell is that it’s just like unemployment insurance except they put a positive spin on the name so the Indigent don’t feel like enormous blood sucking leeches which of course they are not who sucked what trust me Jimmy your adopted nation has your back for Canada where you can

Get money for for nothing but the chicks aren’t Free that didn’t work next go on pety I’m not sure about this I love experiments I just don’t want to be experimented on if you don’t pety they’ll do it on an innocent little animal okay okay I’ll do it Great how’d it go I feel surprisingly fine at first I was scared but after the probe everything went dark and that’s great where do we get paid will there be any side effects from this absolutely not I’m sorry sir it says here you quit your full-time job which means you’re ineligible for employment insurance who me I didn’t quit I quit so you telling me I don’t even qualify for a handout next in line yeah but next all right my wife don’t respect me my daughter thinks

I’m a schmuck and I’m going to lose my house time to go back to work and by work I mean crime crime why didn’t you think of that before the answer was right in front of you sometimes I wonder about you Jimmy you know I’m starting to think you care more about money than you do about saving the Earth that’s ridiculous I totally care about the earth I also care about the Russian businessman who lives on the earth and happens to need your kidney my what are you guys going to take long of

Course not now we must take organs well Fresh hey sleepy head so so cold yeah about that I had a slight miscommunication with these guys I thought they were just taking a kidney but they wanted everything heart lungs even your doad which the one guy wanted for a necklace what but I couldn’t let

Them do it oh thank God pety I may have been using your dumb infatuation with the Earth to get important things like money and I’m sorry I know it’s okay in the end you stuck up for your little brother which warms my frozen heart your

Heart could have got me 10 grand but I’m glad it’s still inside you ah you’re freezing you little freak you’re trying to kill Me man I’ve been keeping a lid on my criminal side so long I feel Rusty Ah that’s better I could Rob that jewelry store or snatch that lady’s purse hell I could do both Rob that jewelry store and then carry the jewels home in the purse good thinking Jimmy

Boy Nah if I’m going to do this got to be something big Bingo oh man what the hell am I doing what are you waiting for some idiot left the keys in a truck full of money don’t do it Jimmy if you get caught that will mean the end of your witness protection

I ain’t getting caught but if you do I can no longer protect you like you need this gavone to protect you Jimmy you would be endangering the lives of your family mol’s right Jimmy yeah pop don’t do it it is a lot of money though Teresa I’m just

Saying what you guys took all the good costumes all right I made up my mind I’m pretty sure I can risk it Jimmy no but I won’t risk it for my family I already put him through this once I ain’t going to do it again hurry

[ __ ] hurry up and steal the truck I need booze money I just hallucinated little people crawling all over you hey some idiot left the keys in this truck well Jimmy I guess it’s back to jerking bullies remember the old days when we were short on cash we just throw

A junior good fella under a bus and flee to tr company for the insurance oh yeah the good old days can I wash these down with a little Scotch nope doctor’s orders I’m sorry for everything I put you through cook I got you a little something oh Jimmy I love you Jesus Christ

Give me a bottle I’m hallucinating again how you doing I’m Jimmy Falcone former good fella currently freezing his air SW in Canada back in the old life I never saw snow and I don’t mean drugs I delegated that to big blow baluchi I’m talking real snow Jimmy complained about

The cold I want you guys to make it summer around here thought it was calling for a huge snowstorm not that I’m complaining it worked from now on it’s going to be summer all the time except Christmas I like a white Christmas but warm kabish I love New York in November I look

Dolphin palm trees in New York if global warming means the end of the world so be it hey Rocco that counts as a break oh now I live in Regina where global warming ain’t hit yet it snows all the freaking time here I mean it never stops don’t worry Jimmy I got your

Back CH what the hell you doing there’s too many snowflakes I can’t get them all tell them all I went down fighting if you think I can even remember what summer feels like forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the

Wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle it take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor site wasn’t much alone till the M want him dead so Jimmy had no choice about to talk to all the

Feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and M catchu on forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about it You two timing son of a [ __ ] what’s her name I don’t know what you’re talking about right hey oh you’ve been working out say hello to the devil when you meet him yet two time in grease ball I just took the last soda Jimmy cookie for go sake the entire

Neighborhood can hear this haloo Jimmy’s cheating on me mol let me shoot him cookie I surveil Jimmy regularly and I can assure you he’s doing nothing of the sort though he did glance at a copy of jug Glovers quartly at the gas station Shame Shame the feds won’t forward my

Subscription don’t you see cookie busy with the kids you’re busy with your job when’s the last time you two spent some quality time together does drunk angry sex at 3:00 a.m. count as quality it barely even counts as sex heed my words quality time is the key to a happy

Marriage this from a bachelor whose best friend is a fing horse cook why would you think I’m cheating on you because you snuck out last night I would have chased you but the ambient was kicking in I swear on the soul of my mother that

Wasn’t me then who was it I don’t know but we’re going to find out want to grill the kids I’ll get the waterboard now we got to catch him in the act like when Gina stole money from my wallet she won’t be doing that again Look at you slave it away how much is Dad paying you for this five bucks five bucks you’re getting screwed by the man he’s inside nice and warm and you’re out here freezing your ass off for no money like a sucker I like helping out you’re getting exploited and so are all these

Other kids sounds like you’re developing a social conscience Gina yeah I don’t know what that is but I’ll tell you if anyone’s doing any exploiting around here it’s Me so it’s Che sneaking around sorry I punched you in the face Jimmy I don’t remember that you were sleeping that explains the loose tooth look at ch’s clothes in the old days he only ever dressed up to pull a job that knucklehead’s going to get us all in

Trouble we better follow him how we supposed to do that if he’s got the car I know we’re probably following cheich on some depraved crime spree but this is fun this is what mol was talking about I got a bicycle seat up my ass how exactly is this fun why didn’t you just

Take Petey’s bike I thought this was pey’s bike it’s worse than we thought CH just going into a crack Den nah nobody dresses up for a crack Den it’s probably just a whall house we got to get chich out of there before he gets pinched let’s do this nice and

Quiet ah screw it let’s just do it loud and [Applause] me Jimmy what are you doing here me what about you you sneaking around for a dance class why did you just tell me no offense Jimmy but I got a life outside of you you know this looks like fun

Jimmy maybe ballroom dancing is just what we need to spend some quality time together why not Beach riding bikes may I have this dance no no no you cannot dance together your bodies are how you say incompatible you are built like Pickle Barrel and you are bag of

Oatmeal hey you more suited to Juan Carlos nice to meet you ju Carlos oh someone’s a smooth talk you what’s his name name is Jimmy I spatenka now dance me dance me long and hard please don’t hurt Me so Gina what is this Union of yours going to do for us suppose you hurt yourself shoveling huh who looks after you if your shovel breaks who buys your a new one our parents they’re the ones who sent you out in minus 20 weather in the first

Place them grown-ups are playing you for stoes yeah I shoveled Mrs Wilson’s place and she didn’t pay sign up with the Brotherhood of snow shoveling Youth and she’ll definitely pay they’ll all pay who’s with me un un un jackets a mandatory for members 50 bucks a pop

What 50 bucks Gina are you serious about organized labor or is this just a cash grab don’t worry pety the jacket money comes out of wages you won’t even notice and if I hear any more that scab talk I’ll cut your [ __ ] eyes Out that was freaking amazing it was like I was on that show dancing with the people who used to be stars with ju Carlos I was dancing on a cloud of tacos and vending machine cologne MCO was right about us spending time together except we didn’t really spend any time

Together because our bodies are how you say incompatible ah she don’t know what she’s talking about I’ll prove it to you oh Jesus when’s the last time we danced sorry no problem let me think was it at a wedding ow oops no I got na for that diamond ring robbery before our first

Dance remember my bad did you guys get a electrocuted or something maybe ballroom dancing ain’t our thing well if we can’t dance together there’s no point doing it at all I agree ballroom dancing is out good call you look like a couple of Seagulls fighting over a french Fry Jimmy I need to ride me yimy ride me right now spanka no I’m married ride me to Dan studio I am late Oh you mean Drive avor sure you know every time you talk it sounds like a come on it’s F’s accent you know y me dancing with you last

Night made me so wet okay you really should stop talking now what you are sweaty man come in for one dance I don’t think my wife would like that you know you want to we keep forbidden dance a secret come y again with this sexy talk

Jimmy care to tell me what you’re doing here you’re sneaking around behind my back ain’t you what are you flipping out for I just came in for a quicky with fanka dance Quicky dance I thought we agreed ballroom dancing wasn’t for us says the broad who’s standing in a dance

Studio I had to double Che down here on pey’s bike I popped in to use the washroom you know what one Carlos asked me to to be his partner for the golden ballies you ain’t touching no one else’s golden bullies it’s a dance contest yeah [ __ ] oh yeah well I’m going to enter

Too I just need to find me a dance partner that’s right I’m going to win them Golden Balls with SWAT Tonka here oh Jimmy it is so on it couldn’t be on her Jimmy can I get a ride home cookie broke Petey’s bike Where do you think you’re going I got rehearsal these tap shoes ain’t going to tap themselves well I got rehearsal too mister who’s going to stay home and watch Gina Gina she ain’t even home I ain’t seen her in days in that case dib’s on the

Car I got no time for this I got to pick up sequins for my fancy pants wait I just heard that catch you later sucker you come back here oh man all these dances really whip me into shape how you doing I’m Gina business agent for bossy local one my comrade

Here says he performed snow related labor for you and you didn’t pay what GI givs I didn’t know he was doing it didn’t know what are you blind legally yeah yes can you see good enough to fish a freaking 50 out of your purse I’m on a

Fixed income yeah yeah things are tough all over now make with the money in my day we didn’t well your day is done stegosaurus give it a Snow Job boys you want to clear that’s another 50 Bucks ow ouch I don’t know how those ice dances so these sequins on by using a double top Stitch how many times I got to tell you I can’t focus cookie so competitive about this dance contest she’s driving me crazy you want me to pull aanya Harding take out a knee say

The word she’ll never walk again that’s my wife you’re talking about besides I’m way ahead of here I slashed her tire so she can’t get to rehearsal isn’t that your car Jimmy yeah but it’s also her car that’s where you’re the boss Jimmy always thinking now give me some change for the

Bus I entered this contest to stick it to your father but he’s really giving me a run for my money you really want to win you’re going to need an edge oh Teresa Maria Falcone this is just blw crass and totally hot nice work this shouldn’t bother me cuz I grew

Up around Italian but your dance partner is really greasy he drinks olive oil says it keeps him young he’s actually 72 oh I ain’t paying you jag offs to stand around gawking get back to work Gina I’ve been elected shop steward and as such must tell you the bossy membership feels they’re not getting a fair Shake that’s crazy I’m paying five bucks a house it’s market rate but

You’re charging our customers 50 what happens to the other 45 you think them fancy jackets pay for themselves Teresa bought them and you still haven’t paid her back I got a health and retirement plan to pay for then things don’t come cheap you know what else don’t come

Cheap us on behalf of the members of bossy Local 1 I hereby declare a strike just as soon as brother ol has his potty Break whoa look at the balls on this room I suddenly feel inadequate I I feel nervous you nervous ju Carlos do you even speak English hey cook jeez you look great just like one of them old timey prostitutes a Jimmy thanks look at you that costume makes me want to say o Yim

Me why you talk to old [ __ ] oh sorry old [ __ ] is Cookie and don’t listen to her I just wanted to wish you luck in a contest and sorry I swore the heels off your dancing shoes thanks babe and I’m sorry I put horse laxative in your dinner when’d you do

That I got to [Applause] Go [Applause] I won I won in your [ __ ] face Jimmy way to go Che wait what did he say yimy we won second [Applause] place hey get your choby looking tongue out of my husband’s mouth is that what I I think it is it’s these pants they make me look huge and like I’m pointing Up listen [ __ ] TKA you boing my husband du oh that means yes what’s the rusi word for no that’s it I haven’t bed her you haven’t bed her yet well have fun with you Russian Floy yeah Pig what’s wrong with you you’re going to get me

Killed oh you die for for me so romantic no I die because of you you and I got no future you understand forget future taste present present tastes like vodka and lip gloss look get it through your skull I ain’t interested stka no believe you

All right then I’m gay ooh it’s hot I bring men to bedroom for Yim how about one Carlos I watch yeah yeah my answer to that is h no weon hell no we won’t blow s would you guys just get out of here I don’t need

This crap we are not leaving until our demands are met fine let’s just settle this thing you’re willing to negotiate wow I thought you’d just hire a bunch of scabs from the hobo jungle yeah I tried that didn’t turn out so good it’s cold you want to have sex h No so there it is I accounted for every day right down to the minute you tell me when could I have possibly slept with Sanka I know what I saw yimy okay fine you got me I’ve been riding it like a freaking til the whir I knew it wait a

Second youd never admit to something like that unless you’re lying and if you’re lying it means you didn’t do it a come here you big lug it’s official I will never understand women I vent you sign speta gabovich who was that is that for me you big

Sweetheart let’s do that right now bring the bear hell no Won what the hell are you doing out there you wacko no more wait it’s time for sexy I told you before I don’t fool around on my wife ever maybe this changed your mind oh SWAT Tonka for the last time get out of here and take your two perks tur friends with

You if cookie finds out this broad stalking me she’s going to go ballistic she’ll kill vatanka I’ll be next and a couple of the kids might get clipped in the crossfire it’ll be a blood bath but surely she won’t blame you you’re an innocent victim here clearly you’ve

Never been married and don’t call me a victim it makes me sound like a candy ass Jimmy don’t you see you’re keeping a secret from your wife that’s just as bad is cheating again clearly you’ve never been married cookie your partner for life are you going to start with that

Quality time crap again cuz that’s what got me into this show I know this is highly implausible considering your background but I think you should tell the truth you think all right today’s as good a day to die as any but just to be safe I’ll take venka into protective

Custody in the morning but Canada where most men would pay to be stalked by hot Russian girls where you been seeing M don’t worry he’ll corroborate look you and me got to talk what’s up you know swanka yeah what about she’s been stalking me here we go oh boy thanks for the crappy

Advice mcole well I can’t say I blame her you’re not mad oh I’m going to slice her up later but I ain’t mad at you you didn’t do nothing what was that W this is just like that movie with a crazy stalker BR Cooks the rabbit oh

God you you think she’s in the house hell I bet she’s right behind us what I’m making Beans won’t you budge on anything hey hey hey I gave you 2% wage increase over 10 years didn’t I what what’s taking so long those kids are still on the picket line Mary’s got frostbite all of us crying for us blankie and I don’t even know why I’m still there now what

Running a union is too much hassle I’m out oh no you’re not you have a responsibility to those kids don’t make me sick the labor board on you oh up PD I already paid him off speaking of which what’s this you and Teresa cut of

The money I made off the scam Count Me In um I I don’t know I don’t think I can and I just sold out he pety broke his Cherry is fanka can’t have Yim no one can I never understood that about stalkers you love the guy so why kill

Him it’s stupid so I kill you first did I say stupid let me rephrase that spanka you’re never going to have me so you might as well just kill us but before before you do can I have One Last Dance with my wife d one more time you flop

Around like puppets then I shoot you you look like circus bear box and Kangaroo Now That’s What I Call dancing Jimmy you’re a genius well I got my moments Jimmy look out Gina good Job why’d you hit Che I was on a roll Pop you get the quick lime I’ll chop her up see isn’t this nice we’re doing stuff together it’s quality time just like mol said good news Jimmy that tanka’s Visa has expired we can Deport

Oh God is she dead nah but give us five minutes greetings citizens the Falone family aren’t the only ones who had an old life before I became a witness protector I was head of Saskatchewan crime scene investigations and that’s when he slipped on the ice and hit his head I

Suppose one could say I hope he says it was an ice see reception it was an unfortunate accident give him time he’ll get better at these sadly my fellow officers watched too much TV and expected me to entertain them looks like he had a heart attack while going through the car wash

I guess he’s all washed up say washed up done getting his car washed this guy is boring shortly thereafter I was pulled off csid DET because I refused to belittle police work with corny one liners and catchphrases for Canada where self-awareness isn’t our strong suit I wonder where he goes when he

Takes off like that forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the cppo with a gambini but when he found out that they be whacking Uncle G it take the boss he threw him

From the 19th Floor Suite wasn’t much a l until the M want him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and M catch you on forget about it

Forget about it forget about it oh forget about it thank you Jaden’s father for telling us about your exciting job with Canada Space Program and now from Regina tourism let’s do our best to welcome Mr McDougall why didn’t anyone run this by me Webster’s Dictionary defines tourism as a neurological disorder characterized

By compulsive utterances of obscenities that’s Tourette’s you stupid illiterate [ __ ] huh oh oh uh right we all know why the chicken crossed the road but do you know how with the help of Tourism that’s too bad you can’t tell them about your old job the one you crapped all over to

Become a paper pushing desk monkey in a foo industry made up by the government oh you’re a senator screw you I work for a living yeah like every other sucker you make me want to puke thanks for helping me practice driving but why the disguise if I’m seen

With a full-on nerd the other kids will think I’m downtrending I am not a full-on nerd oh my God look at that cumula nimus cloud it looks like schro dinger’s Cat Victoria Hunter Smith the kind of girl guys like me Admire from afar but never ever get to speak to at least that’s what the principal told me at orientation forget the insurance just get out and start punching yourself in the Falls as a sign of inferiority hey I know you from school

You’re one of the total losers who whoa is that your girlfriend who her she’s gorgeous what’s your name pey you’re kind of cute sorry I rammed you from behind maybe you can Ram me from the front sometime see at school why’ she leave why isn’t she

Suing and are humiliating you I have no idea what just happened ha who’s the dumb one now Gina is right I’m a loser I used to run a crime syndicate now all I do is run out of pencils which reminds me Toby told me to order more pencils where’s my

Pencil here stuff a couple of these down your pants to fill the void oh very funny it’s not my fault nothing ever happens down at Regina tourism the Jimmy I know doesn’t wait for nothing to happen he makes nothing happen and when the chips are down my money’s on him

Every time really yeah you were once the King of New York there’s no reason you can’t be the king of vagina Regina but whatever take the B by the balls Jimmy all right let’s do this first thing tomorrow oh oh yeah no it’s getting kind of Late hey Pete wow I’m a Pete now want to hang out or will your hot mystery girlfriend get jealous oh uh she doesn’t even go to the school ooh then what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her come with me are you skipping what no I tripped on something rhythmically several times in

Succession not skipping hey guys this is Pete I’m confused why am I here and not being stuffed into that garbage can for example you know how you look at someone and they’re like a total loser only in the mirror but then you see them in another light and suddenly they’re really Interesting it’s too bad you have a girlfriend who knew pretend dating my own sister would have a downside and so I present to you our new promotional campaign Regina now with 30% less [Applause] blackflies you want to bring some real tourism to this backw Berg talk to me um

This is Jimmy whom we can thank for the pencils we’re using fellas I got an idea that’ll bring so much money into this town the black flies will be driving Bentley’s and I can summ it up in one word gun show abber reunion porno convention how about

All of those and more hit it cheich I got a plan that just won’t lose so drop the Beavers flies and moose the crowds will come on planes and Rockets with tons of cash to line our pockets a rubb and tug on every block d That’s sure with rock legalizing marijuana we

Could be like Tiana dad ain’t it you stupid RS no blowing loads of smoking dobes they got these joints in Vegas and REO you know what I mean it’s a it’s rhymes with Reno uh Holocaust Museum no you jackass it’s a casino There’s no one here schw I hope you have a song for how we’re going to pay for all thisw oh my God I blew it cook I think I really am a schnook that’s the spirit Jimmy keep singing Don’t fold him just yet Jimmy like I said when the chips are down

I always bet on you Jimmy hey sweetie you want to get out of here sure cheich whoa cook sorry I thought you was a Hooker amazing work Jimmy fun fact in Canada profits from gambling are reinvested in health education and infrastructure that fact is nowhere near fun what are you doing here anyway don’t you got a gambling problem it’s horse he’s excited about the casino but I worry it might prove overwhelming for

Him there’s an old saying in the casino business mol who gives this sh it’s a [ __ ] horse I got three Japanese businessmen cleaning up a blackjack want me to T and yucky to faces don’t bother I sent in a cooler bust heart attack space de bra that old Pricks lifetime losing

Streak is finally finally pay it off hey go tell that slob at the poker table about our dress code it would be my pleasure look at you Mr Casino manager I’m so proud of you maybe you got a little something for the person who inspired all this

H I know what you mean follow me would it kill you to wear a toe this is my thanks a job at the coach check I also got a tip lose the attitude it’s bad for business yo gangas I want you to show Mr takamori here a good time

Need I remind you that I’m your mother young lady need I remind you that I’m your boss sugar tits you are so grounded after I punch out tonight hey Pete I just wanted to tell you that mystery girl dumped me so I’m single and ready to tingle uh pey that’s

Not cool oh don’t worry about me I’m fine hey you called me peetey what happened to Pete Pete got dumped cool kids never get dumped we do The Dumping like this you guys are really good at this I haven’t touched the side once hear that silence it’s how things

Sounded before white people came I sure hope they come back soon oh it’s a dark day when we’re asking for the whities to return yo pop crybaby here’s got a beef you stole my customers Jimmy I can almost taste the food you’re taking from my children’s mouths I’m just giving

People what they want Terry by that I mean lose slots not you know starving kids could you give me some tips I’d love to help you but I can’t because I’m native no cuz you’re my competition why do you guys always get so racial funny you get that way after you’ve been beat

Down for centuries look I’ll make it up to you we got a nice steakhouse here you’ll always have a reservation oh you’re hilarious Jimmy what what did I say what are you doing here Terry getting screwed by your husband it’s been so freaking long I almost forgot

What that’s like if I could get in to see him I’d punch his fat face I had to slip Gina 50 bucks why didn’t I think of that come on let’s have a drink okay but you’re buying I can’t I gave G all my money if this works I’ll be back at the

Cool table with Victoria before you know it be right back H this should cover Jet’s High nipples this is not what it looks like I’m just trying on your bra to see if it’ll fit jety those are my swimming goggles well where have you been all my

Life anyone ever tell you you could be a model so if I break up with jety in front of everyone I might have a shot with Victoria that’s the dumbest thing I ever heard there’s no way jetsi could play mystery girl what else am I supposed to do use the actress who

Originated the role you do that for me of course every great star gives back to the underprivileged now here’s my contract this is a stereo warranty I’m playing along can’t you look at you degenerate gambling low life I gave you a two grand Mark and you blow it

Already if you shrug them weird horsey shoulders at me again I swear your head’s going to wind up in someone’s bed think I’m joking try me [ __ ] Okay okay I’ve got him Gina come on old friend I’ll take you home you’ve crapped out literally I’m afraid for Canada where even the

Hopelessly addicted get a free Ride why the hell are we so empty Che probably cooled the whole joint nah he cold and sick today word on the street is the black por casino’s really cleaning up maybe I should go over there for a little power out do you hear yourself show some sensitivity will you

Go watch Pocahontas or some sh how you doing you can spice in my joint I’ll beat it out of you I swear mark my my words is that a shrimp boat well Jimmy looks like the moccasin on the other foot part of the rebranding free moccasins for

Everyone huh jeez what the hell are you doing here hey Jimmy I mean uh this is not the doctor’s office oh Jimmy stop she made an offer I couldn’t refuse working for tips what do you mean she take your hands off my craps dealer Jimmy cookie what are you doing here I’m

Running this joint oh yeah hey takamura I told you she was Lucky the hell do you know about running a casino anyway more than you I worked in Atlantic City on the boardwalk guessing people’s weight to these guys that’s the big time and it beats working the coat check that’s what this is about fine if you don’t like the co check

We’ll find you something in the kitchen get out of my office I’m warning you if you don’t quit right now I will bury this casino like you buried your face in that Shrimp Boat bring it on fat man oh that’s me I got a new ringtone

Hello hey jety how you doing so come on down to saskat casino where we don’t have roaches investing our Buffet we don’t have roaches but we do have the loosest slots in town we also got the loosest [ __ ] in town ain’t that right sweetie this week at saskat casino the incredible Kevin

Will give every audience member a new car new car my ass they’re ripping them off from a parking lot see but you won’t care about that when you’re cruising the Skies of Regina in our new free helicopter Tour do you know what the plane cost me but do I care no cuz this week at saskat casino we’ve got Canadian Rock Legends The Guess Who tribute band The guess whom cook I can’t take this no more let’s call it truce your Casino takes senior

Citizens in Ware moms I’ll take guys cut and loose on business trips who gets all the chronic gamblers we’ll divy him up with some kind of Lottery which day will no doubt gamble on cheich tell this ungrateful egomaniac to go [ __ ] himself but addit the swear for the kid sake

Cheich can you also ask jety to call me I miss him she’s known as juicy now and I took away a cell phone speaking of Juicy did anyone ever tell you that you could be an escort that’s Teresa oh I didn’t recognize you kid it’s cuz I’m in

Character come on pety let’s go to make out points have fun kids wait what did she say come on cheich we got to pick up our Headliners at the airport I don’t want to keep Paul and Ringo waiting hear that she’s got the Rolling Stones it’s time to to pull out the big

Guns I meant it metaphor put this back in a garage so this is make out Point vagina style let’s begin so what did you want to talk to me about pety you look so serious I brought you here so I can officially dump you

Um did we land on a name you are dumping me Anastasia champagne Superstar oh Christ we did you sleep with my mother you kill my father kick my dog and steal our family fortune leaving us homeless and prostitute destitute okay good texture but roll it back a little yes I am dumping you

Anastasia h what the hell where did you get that the garage where else I won’t live without you none of this is in the script I’m an artist I improvised on second thought if I can’t have you no one will Teresa would you stop did he say Teresa oh my God that’s Teresa

McDougall P’s dating his own sister that is so gross fuing inbred Scottish weirdos and scene Webster’s Dictionary defines impossible as the act of placing private property in custody of an officer of the law that’s impoundment you ignorant banana ladies and gentlemen saskat casino is pleased to bring you from the bottom of

The Atlantic Ocean the [Applause] Titanic Paul and Ringo Chang’s miniature Rodeo was a total bust hello Stonehenge how much to ship them rocks to Canada you Droid [ __ ] want to play hard ball I got the hardest balls in town hey cook listen I can’t run the casino no more I’m going to ask Toby to

Transfer me back to my desk job yay oh really so you beat me and you’re retiring before I get a chance to a that’s sweet and gross now look over there that’s the guy who ran the casino on this tub that’ll be me if we

Keep this up you’re going to die on a boat no I’ll be alone I wouldn’t have had any of this if it wasn’t for you believing in me was that so hard you had to raise the freaking Titanic to avoid showing me a little gratitude and look

At those stupid skeletons oh the ship’s sinking I better go have a nap morons come here babe jeez what was he on of that thing going down again Unsinkable my ass hey guys any chance I I guess his better to have loved and lost your own sister than never to have no that’s not right Teresa why aren’t you being ostracized cuz I don’t use words like ostrich sized and I don’t fool around with my sister you sick pervert but fooling around with your

Brother is okay it is if you’re hot I don’t make the rules peety wish I had a brother to fool around with that is so gross did I just wake up in Crazy Town neither of you works at a casino no more sweetie with Pop’s Casino gone the

Blackpaw don’t need me you Muk threw away the best thing that ever happened to us you know what would make you feel better do not that’s condescend to me ma ha it’s condensate who’s the banana now Gina all right how about you hop up on

This here bed and help us count all the money we skimmed why’ you have to get all mus yum me anyone’s seen cheich by the way and who’s giving the bride away I am your majesty pull yourself together he’s a good catch freeze that bride is under

Age good luck juicy I’m keeping the doy how you doing I’m Jimmy McDougall formerly Jimmy Falcone I used to be a big shot in the New York mafia until I turned rat to keep from being whacked it wasn’t easy turning on my old friends but them turning on me first made it a

Little easier but the hardest thing I ever had to do was to tell my family we had to go into witness protection so guys I got something important to say you know how all my friends are trying to kill me yes Daddy it’s all you ever talk about you really shouldn’t bring

Your work home with you well I was thinking to fix the problem maybe we should leave town what I hate you but I’m glass cppo we love it here no freaking way for once I agree with your idian uncle no freaking way okay let’s move and that’s how we came to be living

Here in vagina Regina St you on but if you think it’s going to keep this family from sticking together forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the CPP with a gambini but when he

Found out that they’d be whacking Uncle Che it take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor Suite wasn’t much alone till the M want him dead so jimmmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use

Him as a pwn so he red out his friends and M 2 one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about it okay you Elephant Man your Pony didn’t come in you’re into me for 500 dollface you done all right you got three big ones coming this ain’t been

Your week Randy your no Show puts you in a hole for 10 Lodge and I want something now this just ain’t satisfying but in for a penny in for a pound I see no thank you for calling principal pist gas do you know what your daughter did I just got off with the

Principal got off with the principal this is serious Gina’s suspended for a week apparently she’s been selling candy to other kids which is forbidden on school property look I’m sure she has a good reason it was probably just to make money hey Ma guess what I was sent home early for good

Behavior oh and how do you plan to explain the rest of the week young lady busted damn straight you busted your principal called no TV for a week pissed again you’re done Uh-huh Teresa can we have a girl talk of course I’m just glad you’re finally admitting that you’re a girl a guy starts one Twilight fan club and he’s branded for life I need help with a girl that girl now if she has bad taste too you

Got it made I can’t even bring myself to talk to her a that’s so sweet coming to your big sister for advice on love all right pety I’ll have you banging her in no time I was hoping to carry her books but whatever works first thing we need

To do is get this girl to know who you are but she can’t know the real you or she’d set herself on fire you’ve got to be strong confident sure of yourself okay strong confident sure of myself you think she’d like that pety women don’t like wimps they want to be swept off

Their feet by a dominant rock hard son of an oil Baron what just go over there and be aggressive she’s yours for the taking I’m strong tough Alpha strong tough Alpha hey what uh love me wow just Wow that’s it my entire stash you clean me out no TV for a week young lady never do something like this again you’ve embarrassed the whole family come on no one’s really embarrassed it’s just a fig bit of speech it’s not that how am I ever going

To learn to be a no- good Hustler If I Ain’t Got No Role Models you got me don’t you but you’re all washed up why upop you know I still got a thing or two I can teach you for example I never would have got caught for moving cheap

Loot like this waa whoa this Canadian candy is primo stuff you can’t even get this in the states try it first taste is free it’s all free we just took it from you my God he’s choking someone call an ambulance what’s 911 in Canadian holy mother of God that is good it’s better

Than good it’s what’s a word that means better than good oh what’s all this racket about a man can’t hear his own pornography try this it’s Canadian candy I thought Pam Anderson was Canadian candy Mar on this stuff’s better than anything we got back home fat Americans

Are Patriot a knows for this stuff hold it hold it I’m getting an idea it’s coming it’s percolating it’s percolating it’s dripping dripping got it we’ll smuggle this stuff into the states and make a fortune we’ll take prohibition to a whole new level all right boys you’re

Off the hook this is the thing I’ve been looking for something to get my blood flowing what do you think cook passport see Jimmy I told you bribing a border guarder be a snap some suspicious looking boxes but there’s nothing we can do they’re taped shut Ain’t it great to be back in the old USA hey everyone I’m captain candy pant come and get your candy in my pants yes yes keep going D deeper scrim we’re taking over this is our turf now but I always work here I’ll give you a

Free Taffy pull I got your Taffy pull right here you’re all working for me now you got a problem with That like taking candy from a baby and then selling it to another baby here’s your taste boss the hell you doing in fur Co I told you to keep a low profile you’re going to get us all pinched it’s in my wife’s name what did I just tell

You not too bright but the good little earners you know I haven’t felt this alive since that day I got stabbed at the racetrack yeah those were good times Mister I’d like four of everything looks good cheich give me stuff there you go kid the finest uncut cocoa

Solids Canada has to offer don’t do them all at once thanks but I’m not the one who needs advice we’re shutting you dirt bags down freeze food and delicious candy Administration you’re under arrest for supplying a weak-willed American populace with treats from a different and therefore inferior country I was

Framed I’ll wait for you Jimmy I can’t believe how much this thing vibrates take your time Jimmy what in God’s name is wrong with you uh I don’t know I try and I try and I try I play the bad guy I play the good guy every day I wake up and I say today’s the day they’ll get it but do

You no we don’t know what more do I have to do I mean really you tell me what more must I do for you to at long last get it I I’m not mad I’m disappointed maybe if I can just understand what goes on in those warped little minds of yours

Why would you risk everything for just a few hundred Jimmy told me to mol you wouldn’t understand try me I missed the action I sit around the house being a dad I go to work and have a job what kind of life is that but something like

This it gave me that adrenaline rush I used to get every day in the old life is that atle well why didn’t you say so Jimmy if you want an adrenaline rush I know just the Thing you got to be [ __ ] me this my friend is action looks more like a bunch of Dusty guys trying to put the moves on farm animals on the surface perhaps but look deeper Jimmy imagine it you’re on top of a bll hanging on for dear life

Your blood is boiling in your veins adrenaline flooding your brain your only thought to best the Beast before he takes your life you don’t hear the Roar of the crowd flowering their adulation upon you you can’t hear them chanting jimy jimy jimy no they’re chanting mol mol mol Jimmy Jimmy mol Mol

100 bucks says Jimmy Jimmy another 100 says I kick your ass Jimmy I don’t gamble for money that’s what gambling is but if you insist on humiliating yourself I will wager you for Honor great how much is that an American the loser must in a clear baritone extending

From the diaphragm declare that the other is a better man than himself you’re on I got one question if a man does it to a girl sheap that’s not gay right I mean the church is okay with that I don’t know I’m not Catholic hello what do you mean hello

I’ve been trying to reach you for 2 days I figured I’d be your one phone call Cookie calm down mol was my one phone call they took my cell phone and by the time I got it back I forgot what oh you forgot I already told the kids you were

Dead Gina your father’s alive put his cigars back where you found him I just can’t catch a break hello is this the guy who said and I quote I never would have got caught for moving cheap loot like this well you did get caught and now I’m smoking all your cigars and

That’s what you get for cutting me out of my own scam cookie who was that Jimmy the whole family’s going to hell in a hand basket cuz of you look cook I’m sorry I’ll be home as soon as I can but I’m at a rodeo

And I got to prove to mul that I’m a better man than myself could you just say you’re at a strip joint you fat what what did she say the usual I’m not sure about this Teresa pety really this is how you have to dress if you want girls to notice you it

Just feels a little busy listen zum zum I watch a show called The Way of the pickup and the guy who hosts it Enigma says if you want to get the girls you got to dress like a skitso freak it’s called peacocking well I refuse to follow the advice of some perverted

Charlatan my dignity is too important he’s been with 482 different women should I add a top hat okay pety Enigma says that 90% of becoming a successful pickup artist is learning to overcome your fear of rejection and to do that you need to get rejected a lot Teresa I

Could write a book about being rejected in fact I have but it was rejected you’re going to ask out every girl who walks past you and you’re going to get rejected so many times you’ll never care about it again but what if one of them accepts if you’re not going to take this

Seriously back off [ __ ] those shoes are mine excuse me ma would you like to go on a date hello there miss you look lovely today excuse me but I I couldn’t help but notice oh Teresa’s right this isn’t so bad who cares if they don’t like me it’s very freeing I’m a bed

Weter do you think I have pretty eyes I masterbate all the time all the time hey you want to play with my boa why yes I would young man ah I’m sorry I didn’t see you there it’s okay honey I saw you it’s very sexy ah

Sh you sure you want to go through with this mol I’m not going to go easy on you it’s not my style so I’ll give you one last chance to back out muls don’t back out Jimmy they thrust in okay it’s your funeral I just got one question what’s

With these freaking pants me I like them I enjoy the draft Yea Yea [Applause] Yeeha [Applause] Ye Jimmy you okay I can’t take it no more cheich my face is my muscles are torn my ribs are cracked and there’s no skin left on my ass you saying you’re giving up Jimmy you can’t you’d have to tell mul’s a better man plus you can still win cuz a bull

Writing’s worth more points than all the other events combined how’s that for exposition I don’t know maybe I can pull it together for one more event watch this Jimmy no [Applause] hands and it’s a new world record straight Mol is the toughest most manliest man in the whole wide [Applause]

World M cool yes I can’t watch this you are a better man than I thank you Jimmy it takes a big man to say that and I think it’s safe to say you found the action you were looking for oh and one more thing I found something I believe

Is yours hey Jimmy he just handed you your ass I clob at him Pops Pops what was the rodeo like huh what did that coopa stupid face look like when he saw you’re the biggest baddest guy out there did you ride the horse like this HH or like this oh well

You know I pretty much just rode the horse the normal horse riding way wow I started to think that maybe you’d lost all your moves that you’d gone soft you know but you sure showed my cool didn’t you Pops yeah I sure did too bad you

Couldn’t have been there to see it cuz turns out I did so well so perfected it that they decided there will never have to be another Rodeo ever again anywhere ever thank you so much much for walking me home pety it’s become such a dangerous neighborhood you live between

A church and a police station well you never know well I guess I should be heading off no no stay I’ll make some cocoa um I’m not sure this is appropriate well why wouldn’t it be appropriate I suppose it wouldn’t be if something UNT were to happen are you

Thinking about something UNT war no no no no no of course not well good Coco it is hot creamy cocoa you know I like talking to you pety people are so hung up with age but really it’s just a number but yours is so much higher than

Mine you seem nervous pety are you nervous pety I mean I guess so I know it must be so hard to be a young man these days all the rules are changing changing the pressures the contradictions the confusion yeah I’m pretty confused right about now I know and I want to hear all

About it there there there there There quite the day You’ had you must be exhausted becoming a rodeo Champion nah it wasn’t too bad kind of invigorated actually you’re lying why do you say that because I found this it’s not mine oh please you didn’t beat my cool odds are him up the floor with you the man is

Practically built for horse wrangling or lassoing or caressing the body of a middle-aged woman why is your upper lip sweating it’s not and why’d you lie to me you know I don’t care if you win a stupid Rodeo or not it’s not the rodeo it’s everything I used to be someone I

Used to be the big man in town and now I’m not even a man I’m just some poor schnook who has to tell a mounty he’s a better man than me it’s Dem mobilizing you shut your mouth you’re Jimmy Falcone and Jimmy Falcone’s a fighter not a

Quitter I don’t give a damn about a roo or losing it to some mounty but you do so suck it up and be the man I fell in love with you’re right I’m going to take that mounty down hand me my ass Jimmy the other way ass backwards so that’s where the

Expression comes From Smells like manure Jimmy what are you doing here you already conceited yeah well I’m UNC conceit you know what I said you’re a better man than me well I’m taking it back as you wish but I do advise against it there’s a reason bull riding is worth

More than half the points it’s one of the most dangerous sports in the world so is cheerleading but I still do it now out of my way where the hell have you been so unclean oh my God no effing way you did it congratulations uh uhuh no more touching

I don’t ever want to be touched again or smell mothballs or see a doily or eat a hard candy or see Dentures come out or see weird stockings that go just below the knee or see breasts that go just below the knee he just completely

Ignored me that is so hot pety pety wait up all right bull I’ve got a lot riding on this so like I told my wife on our wedding night give me 8 seconds and I’ll be on my way okay I asked nicely now we do it my way oh a

A I’ll have a hot dog I’ll have some peanuts I’ll have an overweight Italian Guy stay down Jimmy don’t get up daddy you can’t do it pop stop it pop it’s embarrassing Jimmy enough ah Jimmy stop you’re killing yourself you have heart tremendous heart I admit it but no bet is worth this it is to me all right if it will make you end

This madness fine you’re a better man than I Jimmy McDougall a better man than I tell me something I don’t know Jimmy you did it he said it you won way to hang in there pops it was amazing daddy Jimmy can you do it again I was in the

John I began the day as a snook but now I am a man me too how you doing if you’re like me you could use some time off in the old life it was never easy for me to take a vacation booking on points is so freaking complicated plus I had to leave

Cheich in charge son of a che you better be on fire or dead and if so how are you calling Jim me I’m locked out of the club why do you bothering me for call Fats and get the other key I can’t he’s locked Inside what do you mean you and fats are both locked in I was on the roof there’s a skylight the rest is a blur but it’s not our club what someone’s here I got to go turn out to be the spaman family’s Club Che didn’t want to pay for the

Skylight he broke so he just up and shot everybody around the neighborhood they still call it the Jimmy’s trip to Aruba Massacre I always called it the fats as a big [ __ ] crybaby bloodbath got rest his soul now that I’m in Whitney protection it’s like a permanent

Vacation at a two star resort where everybody says sorry all the time we’ve only had one vacation from this apologetic Iceberg of a country and was it worth it forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of our named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the

CPP with a gambini but when he found out the they be whacking Uncle Che it take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor sweep wasn’t much along till the M all went him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say

They help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and most catch you on forget about it forget about forget about it oh forget about it Jimmy get in here I got that dirty little bastard corn it what is it a mouse nah it’s one of

Teresa’s boyfriends trying to sneak out no sleepovers kid that’s it you’re letting him go take him out back and explain the rules to his face ah cook who gives a crap I’m free I’ve been in there since ah my eyes look at him mle he’s depressed snap

Out of it you got nothing to be depressed about you useless sack of garbage pop if you decide to slit your wrists have some courtesy and do it in the bathtub you need a gun Slugger take my cools I’m not wiping your brains off mine nah Jimmy you go out like a wise

Guy sucking an oxygen in thank in prison sweet mitsu Cowboy Jimmy’s under the moon and you’re all making morbid jokes clearly Canada’s character building midwinter Gloom is affecting all of you but I have a solution please say therapy please say therapy a vacation oh come on you hear that Jimmy we’re going on

Vacation yeah right no mol it’ll be a day trip to Lake who gives a [ __ ] [ __ ] Canada where everyone needs to get the hell out once in a While don’t move you capitalist pigs I’m taking this plane to Kuba just kidding welcome to Cuban Airlines I’m your pilot Brad that’s just a little thing we do to lighten the mood around here enjoy the flight mcole you said vacation not being babysat by a fed in a communist hellhole but Cuba’s

Perfect there’s literally no chance you’ll be spotted by the mob then why you coming with us I need a vacation from all things canu or I’m going to lose my freaking mind no of course I I just thought we could you know hang the whole point of this was to stop me from

Hanging myself oh no no problem Jimmy I I won’t get in your hair for the next week old straight mol is going to be all about rest Rejuvenation and relaxation how can you relax in a country that treats people so bad every country has its share of human rights violations

Except Canada of course yeah no you guys are awesome I ain’t seen a Cuban since that thing we did not do in Dallas excuse me I got to kill Kennedy I mean take a leak I can’t wait to take in the music culture and revolutionary atmosphere of

Cuba the people’s Paradise shut up trky kid get the waitress to open the door bi Veno auba liberated from American business interests and Mafia controlled casinos since 1959 Tomy sons of [ __ ] you know I ran one of them casinos down here back in the day I bang

So many Cuban BRS they gave me a nickname Don Juan dearia how old were you I I don’t know 20 not 10 look around Jimmy Cuba’s are [Laughter] Paradise that’s enough you’re not leaving my side for the next week ma he’s a nice Canadian boy he’s French Canadian you’ll have your panties off

Faster than you can say I think the word you’re looking for is wow huh give me those back I should mention and I know this from experience do not drink the tap water here lest you get a porcelain shattering case of Batista’s Revenge huh Oh you want to go for a dip in a pool nah too many German tourists it’s the Bay of Pigs Jimmy lighten up Cuba ain’t so bad it ain’t so good either Hey where’s Gina I’m I’m supposed to watch her in case she drowns somebody she’s probably over at the kids

Club ah to be a child again that no good quack won’t even look at pety unless I buy a time share P’s going to have to ride it out es scorpion a es scorpion Azo Ma I think he’s trying to tell us something cute Cuba is home to the

Legendary blue scorpion reputed to cure everything from cancer to diarrhea but pety we can’t go into a dangerous jungle just cuz you got fizzy gravy Mom’s right I’ll be at the pool how does he do that on second thought we’re going why should py suffer this vacation sucks so long as you don’t

Gina what are you doing in here I thought you’d be out selling Black Market Bibles you know there’s a swim up bar you don’t even got to get up to go to the John what’s this it’s nothing it’s a porno machine Jimmy don’t you know anything give me that mind your Business greetings fellow Americans I represent the five families of organized crime who do not exist we’ve joined forces with the government to encourage patriotic sociopaths like you to eliminate the communist leader of Cuba if successful you’ll be granted superade status and be Untouchable by the mob you’ll also get a lifetime presidential

Pdon from the feds ain’t that right jack act fast and we’ll throw in a free labotomy for your yappy misses how did you know about this how did you not it’s been around since the 60s so you are going to kill Castro look who just clued

In are these guys going to [ __ ] or what so once we take out Al Presidente we can go back to New York no way I’m doing this alone when you and cheich get involved things always go straight into the crapper she’s got a point Jimmy sometimes you’re a real screw up

You can’t do this alone you’ll wind up in Cuban jail with all the poets and playwrights it’ll be so boring a cut the ACT pop if we’re going to get our old life back by killing a guy let’s do it together like a family fine but I’m not

Taking a backseat on my own Caper capish you were saying one day I’ll be taller but you’ll always be a fness let’s go What am I doing here was supposed to be on vacation not out in the sticks hunting down an insect keep looking extremely rare blue scorpions can’t be that hard to find I see one where on your arm get it off get it off are you kidding me we had one and

You went and killed it oh pety we’re not camping here get out of the sleeping Bag all right we only get one shot at this how do you know he’s in there cuz while you girls were packing your bikinis I was planning this caper to the lettera every day after brunch he comes to that window to feed his pigeon Lee Harvey Birds Walt and when he does I’m

Going to turn his head into a Mist Jimmy that’s beautiful I thought it up on the right over wasn’t sure if I’d use it well I for one I’m glad you did give me that orphan Castro was my idea I’m doing the honest why wait I’ll go in there

Right now and blow his head off I’m the boss I’ll do it but I am the boss’s Uncle shut up you mukes you want the whole country to know what we’re doing she’s right keep it down Hey look it’s m yo M Jee what are you doing hide the gun

See what I mean right into the crapper fancy seeing you three come to take in the sights sounds and smells of Old Havana yeah yeah sights and smells we’re doing sounds tomorrow why you walking around all alone not now cheat what I’m just saying he looks all lonely and pathetic like a

Loser I’m not lonely matter of fact I’m going to visit my Cuban friend Ronaldo Garcia well then you better get going hey I knew a Garcia once he drove an ice cream truck here in Havana no no in New York you think they’re related oh my God

Che give me that I doubt it Ronaldo is an orphan well he’s probably dying to see you then hang on hang on it wasn’t Garcia it was Gonzalez love a so probably not related Co okay well off to the um orphanage Cheerio damn it put this in your mouth what what did I Do M ooh oh Esmeralda your hands are so So Soft he’s tripping balls ma when are you going to give up when he’s dead you wish keep looking come on pety let’s go back to the resort fine take your chances with mom Teresa you can’t leave me here why cuz you’re scared I might actually have fun on this vacation no because I’m

Lost get out of here that is not how my son is losing his virginity our one chance and you blew it it’s mul’s fault the guy wouldn’t shut up about his stupid friend you did it to me again without you dopes I’d be toasting Castro’s headless canava with a

Kuba Libre you know that just rum and coke presidential Palace poor Favore and that M Amigos is how the CU Libre differs from Air raming Coke that is I see what you’re doing here you you do don’t think I didn’t notice you drove around a little bit I uh it’s okay comrade but you do that with the tourist yes not with Al Hefe

Okay okay husto that is one Charming [ __ ] what a presence this guy like a Goosebumps no wonder he’s so hard to Kill ah God damn it it’s like I just wanted him to like me I know I couldn’t make a move you almost forget that man’s a bloodthirsty dictator you think he like

Me punch It [Applause] Oh Why the hell are we back here it’s the only Road I recognized did you have to stop for aair Gina this Resort ain’t cheap Jimmy mol you’ve been drinking oh yeah me and Ronaldo Garcia when we get together wa I miss horse I’m in here Horse no it they’ll

Happy I’m in the CR oh God Jimmy you didn’t technically it was Gina and the rat comes out drum H’s dinosaurus what have you done okay this is fixable we’ll drop in back at the palace and hey the [Applause] cab congratulations Jimmy you’ve liberated Cuba and ruined my life I trusted you

See that was your first Mistake we can still get through this let me do the talking no thanks a lot guys come on move it keep get them took El he just keep going keep going keep Going halt you are trespassing on American soil do not move or we shoot American soil Yeah American soil oh that’s Better I cannot believe you assassinated a president to get away from Canada I thought we were friends what’s friendship got to do with it apparently nothing all right let’s get one thing straight I’m not offering you weirdos Asylum got it but we killed Castro we killed Castro too killed him

Good shut up if I had a dime for every Nut Job who hopped that fence claiming to have killed Castro I’d have a mountain of Dimes and I’d sit on that mountain and declare myself the king of Dimes that sounds amazing my point is we’re handing you right back to the

Cuban authorities excuse me Colonel Korn I think you better see this multiple sources confirm Castro has been kidnapped by a redheaded [ __ ] posing as a little Girl yes Mr President it’s confirmed yes sir I’ll do that oh I am so [ __ ] fired what I can Swear oh baby I’m a terrible mother I couldn’t find one un stinking BG it’s an arachnid and you’re a great mother a great mother wouldn’t let this happen but you can’t watch your kids every move right well I should have thought before I drank from that I just

Want to keep Teresa for making the same mistakes I did oh we’re on Teresa now you don’t got to worry about me ma how did you find us and what’s he doing here you won’t believe this Jean Philip here likes to catch the and stick them up his ass keeps down there

Emids get it off get it off M what the hell sorry those things creep the [ __ ] out of me you got another one up there JP oh I’m cured if you would have trusted me we could have had fun instead of running around the jungle like Bo braider it’s Tomb Raider shut up pey oh Teresa you’re right uh you didn’t do anything with Jan Phillip here did you not at all I’m not the one he

Likes anybody else feel a BRI holy crap are you good ah Jesus what no goodbye all this time I’ve gone above and beyond to protect you and now you lie to me and walk away like it was nothing what are we married you lied to me too I did no such thing really

What about Ronaldo Garcia you saw through that I made him up I felt silly being out all alone while you three were having fun committing a murder don’t take it so hard mul of all the cops I’ve ever known you’re my favorite that’s not saying much coming for me that’s saying

A lot put it there pal Hey where’s Air Force One going well Castro was found with third degree burns by three Canadian tourists who revived him with the Venom of a blue scorpion can you believe that sh this family is a freaking C so no medals no getting super made no

What about the free labotomy I’ll give you a labotomy come here yo K see as we came pretty close to off Alami Dante you think we could get a chopper right back to the resort get the hell off my base gorgeous weather in Cuba huh damn shame the American people can’t go there

Maybe I to do something about that can you believe this Ma and them flew home first class courtesy of El Presidente and we’re rowing a [ __ ] truck I stand by my choice to sell our passport to those aabs and GMO I don’t even know why we bothered with a

Vacation I’m just as depressed as I was before but Jimmy you lied to a policeman stole a taxi cab and almost whack someone what more could you want you know you’re right and I made 28 bucks driving that cab which you’ll have to declare it customs and you wonder why we

Didn’t want to hang out with you keep rowing Jimmy keep rowing how you doing it’s me Gina yeah I’m driving I’m not wearing a seat belt neither blow me before pops became the fattest stool pigeon in history he was my hero if there was an award for father

Of the year pop would have got it Francesco says hello then this happens so I look at the FBI guy and say you stinking feds can blow me I ain’t testifying against nobody then the man from the FED says but the mob is going to kill you and

Your whole family Jimmy you with me so far kid I get it you turning rat just wait there’s more if you testify we can give you immunity do you know what immunity means [ __ ] off with the [ __ ] puppets now pops is the puppet and the FEDS are the ones pulling the strings

This is the thanks I get for saving all your lives and if you don’t think I’m better off dead than living in Canada’s icy butt crack forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the CPP with a gambini but

When he found out that theyd be whacking Uncle G it take the bossy him from the 19th Floor Suite wasn’t much along till the M want him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the fans say they help if they could use him

As a p so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about it you clowns think you can avoid me we have nap time together every day now C It Up the new kid already took car money

What are you little crap stains trying to pull who’s this new kid just give me another wedgie and let me go another wedgie who gave you the first one this is going to be Fun yeah hide behind the skinniest statue on Earth dumbass I know this looks bad but for once I’m innocent I think the furnace is on the fritz what’s 10° in American don’t no depends on the exchange rate apologies for the intrusion but I’m here to save

The day what’s with the panty hose it’s a unitard I’m Maple man Maple man Canadian Superhero fighting minor fractions and belligerant Everywhere You Look youit toted Captain Leaf Teresa why are you dressed up as sapling girl Maple man’s trusty sidekick who’s always getting him out of sticky situations I’m just wearing what they

Gave me for my job as a booth bab at Regina ComicCon do you know what this means of course not you’ll be working with Bentley wither Moon the renowned actor who plays Terrence Timber AKA Maple man sounds like a lot of nerds I better bring my pepper spray Teresa you have to

Introduce me to him so much of my belief system is based on the teachings of maple man well it’s 100 bucks for an autograph 300 for a photo or a th000 to brush his hair I have to go sell my stamp collection and can I borrow your brush Gina you have irreparably damaged

School spirit here at slen Dion Elementary don’t worry our hearts will go on the only place that’ll accept you now my dear is Our Lady of Peace School for Wayward girls not the nuns no anything but the nuns that’s right enjoy that juice while you still can the only

Snacks the nuns will give you are warm holy water and stale Body of Christ Yummy thank you for coming Mr McDougall I came as soon as I got your call you got a real sultry phone voice well I’m afraid Gina’s in a great deal of trouble your fancy skeleton statue nearly crushes her and she’s the one in trouble you got a lot of nerve Professor next

Thing you know she’ll be blaming you for this hat that I stole out the special ed kit well we talked her down to a one-day suspension pretty good for your old man huh just wait till I get my hands on that kid who framed me knock out his

Teeth for me will you I miss Reading Rainbow for this 5 seconds and I’ll be shaking hands with a syndicated television Legend okay that’s it for today Maple slup man will be back tomorrow for some reason Teresa Teresa introduce me uh Tabitha I had some notes regarding your booth babing

Skills shall we discuss them over a drink sorry I left my fake ID at home don’t worry no one asks for ID in my hotel room yeah no I’m really tired from winsing at people’s breath all day most girls in your position would leap at the

Chance to get a few tips from an industry veteran sorry you were in the war but thanks anyway see you tomorrow Teresa you got to introduce me to buzz off nerd oh KY I didn’t recognize you in your Pajamas can I ask you a question shoot you ever a worried it I said shoot come on is it’s your turn oh right you missed what a loser Che you ever worry things are slipping out of your control yeah but I got special Underpants for that it’s this mystery

Kid at school he’s haunting me and I don’t even know what he looks like the kid without a face how am I supposed to sleep now let me tell you Francis Bacon once said no wait it was Kevin Bacon he said knowledge is power yeah I should

Snoop around find out who this kid is good idea cheich oh and if you call me a loser again I’ll slice your fuing nuts off you’re tough but fair get the file on the new kid and check the teacher’s lounge for snacks not in that

Order what the hell is this in case you got to hack into the main frame or some [ __ ] hey why is my locker open what the hell is this it’s a picture of the best summer of my life car onine I’m back that’s for getting me suspended not

That I care but still and that’s for breaking Seline the AR what was that for that’s cuz I missed you I’m impressed must have took a lot of determination to track is down you know your pop killing my pop and all it gets you out of bed in the morning

That then I wanted to see you again musling in on my marks was a nice touch and you’re short shut up I grew one and a qu inches since last summer I mean on the V you chisling moo I got expenses taking a cab all the way from Brooklyn

Wasn’t cheap the meat is still running you want to lift to your house what was I born yesterday come on I’m going to find cheich sooner or later hopefully sooner these vendettas take a lot out of you well good luck finding him the guy’s a phantom he lives in the shadows and

Moves as silent as a warm breeze hurry up Gina Che Falone is getting bored anyway Carmine I ain’t going to make getting the cheich easy for you I wouldn’t want you to last time I had any real fun was when you and me mixed it up at Camp you mean when I

Kicked your ass how do you know I didn’t let you kick my ass and the gloves are off if you say so I left your juice box and some crackers see you soon you backstabbing son of a [ __ ] open this door right now and I’ll let you keep

Some of your limbs fruit punch oh you remembered my favorite what’s she doing here replacing someone who doesn’t know how to play ball oh I know how just not with yours sadly Tabitha you lack the talent portray a convincing sapling girl like it takes 10 talent to have a unitard

Jammed up your butt I’ll have you know I majored in unitards at juliard come on pety let’s get away from Doctor Who wants me to touch his wiener but I sold my stamp collection I told you the furnace wouldn’t fix itself now the toilet water’s frozen I know I’ve been chipping

Yellow ice all night trying to get my cell phone out CH dropped a deuce and it’s just sitting there mocking me that’s it I’m calling the repairment man is cheich here nope damn it between you and me you don’t really like cheich much do you what are you talking about

He’s great I mean he’s all right he means well actually he does it but he’s my uncle what do you want but if he wasn’t around no more we’d be okay right maybe you would but who the hell would I hang out with what did you kill him how

Do you do it me and Ma have a bet yeah holy crap I was kidding around you did kill him Jesus Christ jetah I didn’t touch him I haven’t seen him since last night it’s all my fault kid relax I saw him an hour ago he went to them nerd

Olympics with Teresa why’ you think he was dead I’ll tell you on the way come on and I wasn’t crying what do you mean you can’t get here for 2 days it’s so cold I can see chicha’s breath I thought ComicCon was going to be a comedy show for convict you know where every punch line is don’t drop the soap you know who should be in prison Bentley with the moon he almost was three times but he always got off it’s ironic nothing sticks to Maple man why

You sticking up for him the guy’s a pig he’s not a pig he’s the product of the Forbidden Love between man and maple tree you just can’t see the real him p your nerd boner by the way you should wear a jock under that costume man I

Ain’t seen so much butt crack since we extorted the Plummer Union maybe there was something else you did wrong he fired me cuz I wasn’t put out what guy sounds like a creep no respect for the ladies yo space jugs let’s see if I can come in Peace cookie shame on you for even thinking of calling a repair man when you have me a housewife alone a repair man oh this reminds me of a dirty movie I saw does it strange H there’s nothing like using your hands to bring back the heat good

Thing I brought my big tool that was a line in the movie did you ever up I don’t know what you’re referring to cookie I’m just here to perform some sweaty dirty work that’s another line you’re the Randy repair man damn my gambling days I knew that video would come back to haunt

Me sir can I see your wristband how is this the first I’m hearing about gambini kid what I got to tell you every little thing you do and our lives are at stake what if he squealed on us to the mop then we’d be having this conversation in Hell the day

Cheats gets taken out by a six-year-old I’ll eat my shirt well get ready to choke down some polyester cuz this kid’s the Real Deal got a little crush there kid yeah I mean no shut up dumbass all right to be continued now let’s find chich quick before we wind up relocated

To Yellow Horse or white knife or someing place God you can almost smell The Virginity in Here hello I’m down here how you doing I’m Gina’s friend that’s funny cuz Gina doesn’t have any friends oh you calling me a liar Gina’s mom nobody calls me a liar where do you get off what did somebody drop a deuce in your cereal this morning you’re dried up old Floy oh

Yeah okay now it makes sense come on in and wait for her so what’s a guy got to do to get some milk and cookies around here oh you’re a hungry little spark plug ain’t you yeah hungry for Revenge good One hello cookie nice to finally meet you Che you’re bigger than I imagined has everyone seen my movie who wants cookies hey where’d you go oh my God oh my God hey you’re not cheich no [ __ ] you little monster oh Jesus mol where did it go where did it

Go it’s gone hold me Randy TI cookie get a hold of yourself who was that crazed demon child it was Gina’s friend oh that explains a lot but why was he have to cheach I don’t know let’s go down to the comic book convention and ask him

A comic book convention and I get to kill Che double win jeez I hope Pop’s having better luck finding Che than I am ow Gina that’s for locking me in my locker thanks for the snacks though hey can I ask you something say you do off

Uncle Che what next oh I got plans I want you and me to run away together hit the open road like Bonnie and Clyde you want to get gunned down in slow motion at the end of an old movie no I mean the bank robbing Parts but none of the kissy

Parts ew you’re gross maybe the Huggy Parts don’t get your hopes up sicko but look do you really got to kill my uncle of course I do good luck finding cheich in this joint the man’s a Master of Disguise and concealment he could be standing right

Behind me and you’d never know yo Gina spot your uncle Che a couple of bucks for a slice will you damn it I’ve been looking for you mister not another one look Junior I know what you’re thinking but I ain’t your father holy crap you’re even dumber

Than the Legends time to put you out of my misery no look everybody it’s a [ __ ] from Game of Thrones look at the thing funny huh they never look as tall in person but this is Official Police business let me in not until I see a wristband sir can we wrap

This up soon sugar cheeks I’m getting right as cramp oh what’s the meaning of this you me wannabe in season 1 episode 4 of The Adventures of maple man you vow to stand against Injustice no matter where it occurred even if the hour was late and the location less than convenient if you

Want to quote the show to me that’s an extra $60 silence Maple man stands for fairness equality and decency you stand for none of those things you egocentric misogynous hypocrite how dare you how dare you sir you have no right to fill the sacred Maple man unitard security sure hide behind your

Goons oh hi jesssie Maple man thank God you’re here I fell through this table uh would Che McDougall please proceed to the information desk that’s the big table near the front door if you get confused tell a grownup you’re lost uh over and out well if if

It ain’t Jimmy Falcone oh come on look at you excuse me Teach McDougall do not come to the information desk repeat do not make up your mind gee kid you got the same psychotic Spock in your eye as your old man I also got his propensity for violent blood soaked revenge and his

Inability to whistle kid look I owe you a huge apology I’m sorry for what happened with your pups he was a well I won’t say a good man he was a man let’s leave at that you call that half ass tap dance an apology you murderized him he

Was going to kill my uncle then I would have had to kill him back so we skipped his step but don’t take it out on Che I’m the guy you want don’t worry I promise Gina I’d never touch you who’s worried but that’s nice she’s a good kid

Oh she’s great easy there Romeo but listen you kind of already got your revenge on me how do you figure look at me look around around you I’m living like a schnuck here I mean my life ain’t bad but it’s a far [ __ ] cry from good

Know what I mean oh for Christ sake for the last time kid I never banged your mother let me tell you something you ignominious little snot stain I am a classically trained actor if it wer for all the money I make and during these weekends with you hosis ridden [ __ ]

I’d never be caught dead in this asinine outfit providing masturbatory fantasy fodder for overgrown Adolescent twerps and further more I hate Canada and maple man can gobble my knob did you get that Teresa he’s a one take wonder and post I hate Canada and maple man can gobble my

Knob you look fat in that suit Teresa that’s not nice what [ __ ] took my job I told you I wouldn’t make this easy for you so you’re going to have to go through me you know for a guy you can’t stand you sure do seem to care a lot

About cheich trust me this is killing me I’m going to regret it the next time he opens his mouth wait a sec does your mother do hoop waxes down at the Korean spa see what I mean all right I changed my my mind about off and Che but not about what ah

Sounds mushy so spit it out nah some things a better left unsaid what are you chicken shut up I’m no chicken you’re a chicken yeah yeah I’m rubber your glue just shut the up and tell me I didn’t change my mind about how much I like you um I’m glad about that

And being glad hurts my face you make my face hurt too Gina so what do you say you and me shake down a couple of these booths why not these dogs have been bullied all their lives they know the drill you’re under arrest for assaulting a police officer young man it’s maximum

Security juie for you it’ll be no picnic my fine friend Lights Out by 10 and only 4 hours of social media per day cool wait a guess I’ll have to take a rain check guess so but those blowj job screws won’t keep me down for long you’re going

To wait for me screw that that’s my gal well son I hope you picked up some Comics to read where you’re going po Canada a Dumping Ground for American culture since 1867 I knew it there is a more North yes Jimmy and this is where we’ll be until I’m certain The elusive Carmine gambini is no longer a threat how soon did he give you the slip somewhere between the washrooms and the parking lot that’s my

Boy py did you see how many hits our maplan video got yeah but look what they’re calling it idiot fan pwned by Maple man I can’t take this no more I’m walking home I’ll just head south how hard can it be which way is south we’re so far north it’s all fraking

South oh God how you doing I used to be Jimmy Falcone a big shot in the New York crime family now I’m in witness protection in Canada but I’ll never forget that day I was forced to leave the only home I’ve ever known cookie kids get your butts in

Gear let’s get this vacation started Canada awaits Daddy just because we’re going overseas doesn’t make this a vacation I ain’t denying it I was in denial I couldn’t face the fact that I was leaving everyone I ever loved and taking my wife and kids with me isn’t this fun a family road trip

Who’s up for another round of window upy Downy up down up down W he always knows what it’s going to do all all right you’ll be under RCMP protection from here on off you go it’s cool welcome to Canada bevenue come along I have blankets and whiskey for

All of you this will warm your cuckles if it’s going to warm my cockles I’ll need a bigger blanket I’m special agent straight mul my mission is to help you assimilate keep a low profile and ensure you don’t violate our nation’s laws I’m sorry violate what what a spirited group I loved this

Assignment the minute I was given it let the protection begin hop in you got to be [ __ ] me and then they took us to this crazy place called vagina Regina Saskatchewan but if any of you are thinking about a vacation up here forget about it let me

Tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle G he take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor site wasn’t much along till the M

Went him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and M catch you on forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about

It and in New York City home of the Jews the body of lster Paul Vincenzo was pulled from the Hudson River Foul Play is suspected hey look pulley the target got whacked I can’t believe it he was always so careful I wonder who did it I’m guessing Vinnie ail did it the Hudson’s

Always been his goto n look at the bruisers on his face must have been Benny the Bruiser my money’s on Timmy [ __ ] bump that guy will [ __ ] you up two ones holy craps Snake Eyes it was my cousin Sammy that’s the the worst nickname ever no it’s my cousin Kama

Sammy Kama Sammy that’s even worse you’re nephew Nimrod snake I Sammy the guy’s in trouble if we can figure out he did it so can py crew which means he’s about to get whacked I got to save him ah he’s always about to get whacked he’s

A good boy you know I still can’t believe you stole cookie from him whoa I didn’t steal no one he was sent to juvie and cookie needed his shoulder to cry on all I did was show up with that hany and a salami you were so sweet you big lug

You repoed my heart and you stole mine and then I stole you that necklace so I hereby announce my candidacy for student council president what’s your platform my platform thanks for asking concerns student if you elect me I will ban all corporate sponsorship from school grounds let’s send the message that

Young minds are not for sale who’s with me that was painful to watch what I have to say is important I I just can’t get anyone to listen oh little brother you’re so lame the key to drawing a crowd isn’t what you say it’s what you show thanks for coming to my brother’s

President thingy we love you and I have loved a ton of you so I want you all to vote for my brother on the day you’re supposed to vote whenever that is the issues tell them the issues first off more corporate sponsorship it’s no more corporate sponsorship it’s just one word it

Doesn’t matter more bullying it’s no more bullying you have to add the word no okay no more funding for music and the [Applause] art I got your message Jimmy how can I be of assistance I got a problem my cousin snakey Sammy whacked pulley the target that’s a serious accusation I

Meant it as a compliment but trust me it was Sammy he left his dice that always come up once allas wiv guys have calling cards my dad left an Italian sausage cheich left a cocktail onion my calling card was a calling card I figured I’d give The Grieving family some minutes I

Get that horse also likes to leave a calling card hey Sam as Johnny brand flakes you got to get Sammy out of there when pull these guys track him down they’ll torture him to rat me out oh could Sammy know where you are I texted Him mom you have to talk Teresa out of running she’s just going to embarrass herself pety I think it’s great that your sisters finally realized there’s is more to life than binging purging and shopping are you sure you’re not a little threatened by your chances are you kidding I’m totally threatened by

Your chances that’s why you got to get her out of this pety I’m not going to choose one of my children over the other I love you all equally you’ll just have to make the best of it don’t say I never do you any favors I

Never say you don’t do me any favors your whole job is doing me favors I know I just wanted a good entrance Line Hey cuz guess who Sammy hey everyone Sammy’s here I’ll leave you twoo to your Embrace but remember Jimmy you vouched for him so you’re responsible for him hey how you

Doing how’s it going how is the trip cuz a breeze Canadian cops are so freaking friendly which reminds me I got presents for all of use Che you son of a gun pety you getting so big Teresa holy moly you must be a little squirt and cookie I’m sorry

I dropped your present in the squad car but may I say you look like a million you’re so full of it keep it coming wait a sec is that pasta for Joel that I’m smelling your favorite welcome to rejoin us stun gun just what I always wanted

I’m a huge fan of your work cousin snake eyes I can’t wait to learn from the M ah I’m all yours kiddo as soon as I’m done catching up with the real master I am humbled to be in your presence really I thought the folks back home would be mad

About how I ratted everybody out ah forget the ratting concentrate on the killing you whack D gambini for Christ sakes you’re a legend a legend really you kidding me your nickname back home is the guy who whacked D gambini now that’s a nickname so much better than

That cousin Kama guy the guy who whacked dong gambini it’s got a nice ring to it wait you saying I can go back home and they won’t whack me oh they’ll still whack you but with respect a that’s so nice of them but Sammy I ain’t like I

Used to be I keep a low profile stay out of trouble and now you got it too sit down let me explain how life here works ah Gina if you’re going to have a stun gun you got to use it responsible give me that thing first off you got to Jesus

What’s wrong with this they used to have a safe take it just take it cookie I’m sorry I dropped your present in the squad car I feel terrible but you look great I had to give you something so here oh that’s beautiful wait a minute isn’t this the

Same necklace you gave Teresa no Mom I can’t find my new necklace maybe Sammy you haven’t changed one bit neither of you Cookie you haven’t aged a day since high school yeah those were good times remember the time we made out in the confession booth and confessed in

Real time how could I forget it was like oh God Hail Mary oh God Hail Mary and remember that time at Junior Prom and we kissed on the dance floor and the principal separated us so you gave him a wedgie it was my very first kiss and my very first wedgie m

Sammy get out here what are you drinking so that just happened Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb will you quit talking about my womb Jesus Christ you talk it’s not

That big a deal you got a light I I can’t believe it yeah I know it’s bad for me I’m trying to cut down I tried the patch that works for all right let’s get down to business your ex kissed you and now you’re feeling ashamed and conflicted you know exactly what’s going

On in my heart you’re truly miraculous you do know I’m a figman of your imagination right you’re too modest whatever these feelings you have are completely normal you fell for Jimmy cuz he was a bad boy but he ain’t no more and Sammy and these feelings won’t

Go away unless you do something about them you think I should tell Jimmy hell no do you know how Joseph was when I had someone else’s kid moping and whining all the time he wouldn’t let it go always asking who was bigger Mary who is bigger who needs that sorus so what are

You telling me get it out of your system have some fun with a guy you mean commit adultery I could never do that technically you already have no I haven’t when Jimmy gives it to you you think about Brad Pit Tom Cruz katop I don’t know what that’s about the point

Is it’s a slippery slope no there’s a big difference between thinking about someone and doing him I cannot believe the Virgin Mary is telling me to have sex with another man you’re going to burn in hell anyway so what are you waiting for these Commandments aren’t going to break

Themselves I figured I’d give you a tour get you used to your new home oh after that meal aag’s just what I need ain’t nothing like that woman’s cooking huh she’s a real keeper yeah cookie the best so you guys happy yeah sure for real

Happy or I’m just saying that cuz I’m a married guy and I’m dead inside happy closer to the first one on a scale of 1 to 10 Sammy what are you getting at whoa this is the Little Italy in this town any great sometimes we just come here

And hang out for hours how’s the food you kidding me the place is run by a [ __ ] it won’t happen overnight but you’ll adjust See look at them that used to be us you’re misremembering we used to sneak up behind wimps like that and take their money then we’d force them to tell us where they lived and hold up their parents Sammy cut it out listen going straight ain’t bad especially in a city

Where there’s like zero crime exactly it’s a freaking goal mine we’re going to clean up here no look I pulled a lot of strings to get you into Witness Protection well one I only got one string but I pulled it so we can’t live the old life

Now come on let’s go to Little Italy and get an egg roll this is where I work it’s a good job a great job I love this job proud of this job you believe me Jimmy this is my bad I was probably unclear when I explained it our policy is that Staples

Must be lined up vertically not horizontally that’s it do you have any idea who this man is so anyway Toby I was wondering if you could give my cousin a Job you’ll just wind up making a fool of yourself it’s not like this is something you even care about you’re the one who’ll make a fool of herself you don’t even have a platform hello no a platform is issues a president should know this you don’t have any issues

Well actually you have lots of issues but nothing to run on politics is a [ __ ] [ __ ] issues I’m like running Onent if you elect me your school president you will get to look at me all the time and girls if you don’t vote for me I will so screw you over thank you for seeing me Jimmy I didn’t know I had a choice well you didn’t I

Was being polite although I guess it was rude of me to say that and for that I’m sorry uh me too what’s up the crime rate Jimmy and I have no doubt that it’s mostly due to your cousin Sammy you can’t prove nothing not yet but it’s

Just a matter of time if Sammy goes to jail and talks we’ll have to move you to Quebec and you have enough trouble with English do you really want to live somewhere where they speak French I’m torn I love their fries toast and kissing but Berets make my face look fat

I’m not kidding around Jimmy get him in line or else a Canada with a per capita murder rate only slightly worse than Denmark I just spoke to mol you got to help me with Samy what’s wrong the guy’s rubbing anything he could get his hands on and he’s going to ruin everything for

Us you’re being too hard on Nam Jimmy let me see that it’s so much fun ma best toy I ever got so this is what a stun gun looks like my stun gun my St so where was I oh yeah Sammy get being too hard on him he’s a bad boy like you used to be I think you’re

Jealous why would I be jealous jealous did I say you’re jealous I meant Sammy naked I mean how can I help I can’t watch him all the time so when I’m at work and the kids are at school you got to keep an eye on his every move you got

To be on him like white on rice if he tries to get you off you dig in and hold on tight where he goes you go when he comes stop it what I don’t know look Jimmy as long as we’re on the subject of Sammy there’s something I should maybe

Tell you oh maybe I shouldn’t I don’t I know I wish I could have some kind of sign telling me what to do guess you just robbed the bank you idiot now that’s what I call a sign do you know how much trouble you could get

Us into Jimmy let him go let’s at least hear his side of the story fine thank you Cookie okay I staked out the bank I hit the bank I made off with the loot but be let me add him Jimmy stop he’s a reasonable man just talk to him it took

Us a while to adjust to the rules when we got here he’s your cousin for crying out loud blood hey everyone I’d like you to meet my new doll kill him and in second place with 12 votes Jason Hitler n n n don’t very mind Jason say a

Better V to cease power and your new president with 33 votes Peter McDougall what how could I not have won Teresa you never registered yourself as a candidate but pety said he’d do that for me you didn’t do that for me politics is a [ __ ] [Applause] [ __ ] whoa what was that for Jimmy saves your life you do nothing but ignore everything he tells you then you make a pass at his wife and then you show up with some Bimbo in my defense I made a pass at his wife and was turned down

That’s why I got a bimbo and what the hell did you kiss me for anyway it really bothered me honestly cookie I’ve been a wreck about it too I got caught up in the moment it was Nostalgia old times you look good and you smelled

Nice knock it off we may have to move because of what you’ve done and as crappy as this town is this is Canada things can always get worse what are you thinking I don’t know cookie I’m not thinking anything I don’t plan things they just happen I’m not smart like you

And Jimmy and Che brother chees oh where the all that come from Sammy robbed the first vagina Credit Union he’s always been a good boy no it’s terrible mul’s already on to him sami’s going to get arrested and we’ll all have to move to Quebec City France

And never like that Samy we got to get them their money back but without anyone knowing it was us who returned it we got to somehow break into the bank and make them take it back the old reverse Heist nobody freezed put your hands down and

Get up off the floor don’t do what I say or you all get hurt exactly instead of Outlaws we’ll be in-laws hey Jimmy I’ve been thinking I’m real sorry about all the trouble I caused I’ll do anything to make it right just name it you’re going

To help cheich and I return the money did I I hear you right you’re going to take perfectly good stolen money and return it to a bank those Crooks I never been so ashamed of this family Gina you broke my heart father it’s go time boys put on your

Masks too bad the mask store was out of friend’s masks I had my heart set on being Rachel rock and roll everyone freeze this ain’t a robbery underground you mugs now nobody be a hero now what you’re going to do is you’re going to open a safe and you’re

Going to put this money inside it have you filled out a deposit slip it ain’t a deposit well if you’d like to make an investment you’ll have to speak with Mr Fielding but he’s on vacation till Thursday I just want to give you this money I can’t process anything without

An account number maybe this will change your mind well I can’t process anything without an account number this must be why the reverse Heist never caught on just take it will you we got made dirty screws what are you doing I don’t know but we gave the money back Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy

What hi a fck sake no oh no don’t you die on me Sammy not now not here not like this looks like the bastards got me those bastards it was just a matter of time I lived a reckless life I took too many chances plenty of unprotected X shh

Don’t talk Jimmy I got to get this off my chest when we was 8 years old I swept 20 bucks from my dad and blamed it on you I know it’s okay and when we was 14 and you got caught with all that weed I was the one who hit it in your

Locker save his strength and when we were 16 and your sister got knocked up that was me you really got to stop now all this was a long time ago and yesterday I made a pass at your wife earlier today too you should probably die now okay Sam [Applause]

Me how you doing back in the day I made a lot of money selling protection that’s when someone pays you not to hurt them it’s like buying Insurance except you don’t get nothing in return oh wait it’s exactly like buying insurance there was this one guy D gambini wife’s cousin the

Don said we were allowed to collect protection off him but we had to do it nice I couldn’t break his face so I had to be creative but I was a wise guy what the hell did I know about [Applause] Creativision me stomping on your head cuz you didn’t pay protection you don’t see it I thought it was a duck riding a pony or maybe a giant Wang he was laughing at me like I was some kind of clown so I figured I’d show him who the clown was it was me That stop it a screw being nice let’s go with plan B being creative is fine but sometimes you just got to kick some ass well one thing ain’t changed since Brooklyn you’re still a [ __ ] clown Gina don’t swear when you insult your father forget about it kid [ __ ] you don’t tell me me

To [ __ ] forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the CPP with a gambini but when he found out the they be whacking Uncle G he take the boss he threw him from the 19 floor Suite wasn’t much

Along till the M want in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about

It good morning big boss man what are you doing cook just wanted to say I love you and that you’re the best husband in the world that’s real nice but this ain’t exactly a good Time cook if you want something you don’t got to butter me up how much do you need 40 you frenched me while I was dropping the deu to get 40 lousy bucks no 40 votes I’m running for VP of the PTA on a healthy snacks platform I need

You to help me win by being nice or with a bat can you be nice with a bat I don’t want to make a bad impression mcole why is p and handcuffs your son was protesting at the site of the new oil pipeline oh pity broke his Cherry good

For you kid even if it was a candy ass cry I didn’t arrest him I simply gave him a ride home if there’s one thing mother Canada respects it’s an orderly protest granted we don’t listen to them but we damn well respect them I asked mol to Cuff me so the other protesters

Would think I was cool what you got against oil how else are we supposed to lubricate engines or maintain fine hairstyles to answer I will recite one of my incendiary poems on the matter oh God he’s treating another one for Canada fill in the blank butt soft what shame on Yonder

Pipeline breaks his the government trading blood for oil hot see py that’s how you get things done reading poems singing songs and waving signs of a [ __ ] you want to get ahead you got to have balls and you got to show them like you are right now big guy oh Sorry hello friend can cookie McDougall count on your vote for the PTA sorry I’m voting for my husband is that so Che show her the incentive package next time your husband will be in there my husband was in there both cookie do I have your word you’re going to vote for cookie

Yeah are those cookies what else am I going to wear on laundry day not so fast you voting cookie for the PTA right this way Madam that’s better come on Jimmy let the kids out they can’t even vote no but their parents can good point woo we did it we shut the pipeline down for 15 whole minutes don’t engage the police we may have taken ballsy hardcore action but we must remain

Peaceful run for your lives they’re going to murder us don’t shoot but if you have to tell the world I wet myself after you fired don’t be silly we don’t shoot suspects in Canada unless they’re mentally ill or don’t speak English those were mere warning shots for interfering with the

Pipeline pop said I needed to show more balls well thanks to your balls I’m going to have to report you that means I’ll have a record ladies love a badass after nine recounts it’s my horror uh honor to welcome the new PTA vice president Twinkie McDougall that’s cookie McDougall but thank you Mr

President yeah my first order of business is to get rid of school vending machines for the sake of our kids health you suck no you can’t get rid of those machines they’re a source of revenue for after school sports programs which kids wouldn’t need if they stayed off junk

Food on that note as president of the PTA I’m going to put you in charge of the vending machines so cookies in charge of the cookies take that snack NY I heard on a grape fine how your wife got elected I don’t know what you talking about no I’m not here to dangle

Your chies over a fire I want your help pass in Bill 158 through the provincial legislature politics do I look like a criminal to you actually don’t answer that too bad I could pay you from the public trough and it’s a big trough Jimmy how big we talking and what if I

May ask if is a trough caramel coated jelly butts chocolate covered cheese puffs cheese coated licorice nipples why do they say for sale only in schools and Mental Hospitals cuz president Annabelle doesn’t care about good nutrition you know this garbage is why there’s a child obscenity problem oh I’m [ __ ]

Starving Ma you got me oo jackpot absolutely not no kid of mine is eating this junk delicious junk I could live on this stuff young lady if that’s all you ate you’d be so unhealthy that Annabelle would have to ban these machines forever challenge accepted Gina

That’s so bad for you so rest TDS but that don’t stop you from gobling any old eat your fudge holes I am proud to announce with the support of my enormous caucus ha caucus that bill 158 has passed how do you like that we did our part to change the world the

Real satisfaction is that we were paid a buttload of money Jimmy I need to see py right away what did he do hug a tree to death worse the recently passed Bill 158 makes any environmental protest an act of terrorism Bill 158 which I had nothing

To do with of course if you did you’d be a terrible father because this new law means py is a terrorist I’m here to place him under arrest uh Jimbo maybe some time in the big house is just what the kid needs sure sure wait here mol

We’ll go get him for you take your time let pety cry it out before I bring him in if the other convicts catch him weaving they’ll pass him around like a pumpernickle bowl of spinach dip you know they took off right no no they’re upstairs right now preparing py to face Justice

Uh-huh why am I so Naive how long are we supposed to stay here I’m claustrophobic I need my mouth guard and my nety pot to clear my sinuses kid it’s been 2 hours relax I don’t know how you could stand going on the lamb in the old life it was tough hiding at the Plaza Hotel under an

Assumed name doing blow all day surrounded by hookers God I miss it I got supplies you know if you hadn’t made fun of my lack of balls I probably wouldn’t be a wanted fugitive right now you don’t know the half of it kid we’re the ones

Who ram through the build that made you a terrorist ah Jesus Che that was you in my defense I got paid a lot of money way to man up and fight for what’s right pop you’re nothing but a two bit bag Man Who Sold out his own son at least he’s not a

Taliban neither am I and I’m gonna fight this like a man the kid’s a monster I don’t know Ma this junk food diet you got Gina on feels like a bad idea it’s just temporary I’m trying to prove a point for the greater good did you feel that felt like an impact tremor

Now I get why popping his guys was so big someone messes with you you give him a little belly Buck boom that down for the count but you’re turning into a whale a Zipp it Skeletor you’re nothing but a chubby hating Fest ma this is child abuse and I’m not going to stand

For it there now you’re not standing all right we’re conducting a hard target search of every Roadhouse out housee chicken house and steakhous in a 3 km radius actually our targets are tree hugging and Viro terrorists so skip the steakhouse meanwhile I have a plan so crazy it just might

Work what took you so long the vain hope you’d have a change of heart and bring Petey back ain’t happening mol we’re on a land you can look for us but it’ll be like chasing a wind keep looking for him pety and I are shadows in the night you

Might get close but we’ll slip through your fingers like smoke he just showed up damn it I’m surrendering peacefully mol good for you py but Bill 158 is very specific I’m sorry to have to do this do what die you terrorist Pig let’s slang it on a bit thick but protocol is Protocol what happened to you mul you used to be a Sur of the people now you’re just a stooge for Big Oil if that’s going to be your attitude you leave me no choice me me me BB a box of biscuits a box of mixed biscuits and a

Biscuit mixer me me good here you must be thirsty thanks well I’m thirsty for justice you little punk whoa whoa whoa take it easy can’t you see the kid scared oh he’ll be scared all right when all he has is a toothbrush to fend off off his kill crazy cellmate cannibal

Dave what’s happening better play ball kid I can’t control him when he’s like this just give me a lead pipe in 5 minutes alone with this little twerp are you playing good cop and bad cop budget cuts pety work with me what the hell’s going on in here I was just about to

Tell Petey his only way out of jail is to reveal the identity of his fellow terrorists hear that kid tell these guys who your hippie friends are right now no unlike some some people in this room I’m not a rat you son of a [ __ ] no M don’t

I’m not going to let some snot paty waste call me a goddamn rat he means me mol calm down here have some water no one tells me to C down I specifically said I want the protection money and coins now you got to pay twice between these sugar crashes and my

Sleep apne I’m dying over here hey you come here get back get back here you little burn poor needlessly obese child you need responsible adult intervention thank God out of my way mes freak a machine took my a um hi I’m a vegetarian and I have food

Sensitivities can you run me through any non-GMO menu options when I eat you alive will that make me a vegetarian I’m asking for a friend who I recently ate you mean whom I recently ate ah I’m going to run screaming now it’s dinner time no no I’m still hearing beat you

But I think you mean eat you didn’t your mother tell you it’s rude to talk with your mouthful don’t you talk about my mother hey hey spit it out come on spit it out the skinny kids whooping cannibal Dave finally someone’s standing up to that psycho I think we got ourselves a

New Psycho I got you now spit it yeah that’s right I’m crazy anyone else want a slice of Pewdie Pie can you please pass the salt [ __ ] since we helped you I thought you might spring my kid from the old felony Resort sorry Lads I don’t negotiate with the parents and uncles of

Terrorists what about aunts say the word I throw on a dress you and I hop on a plane to Boer my boy might be a knowt all a pain in the ass in a god aul poet but he ain’t a terrorist the law says he

Is me hands are tied a lady friend did this last night but you see me point that pipeline’s a cash cow and I to suckle her teeth till me Bell’s full and me lips blister I see what’s going on here you need a little incentive to

Change your mind and you break a 10 get out of me office place your do business with you you didn’t do any business I got a whole 10 spot say Otherwise don’t you think you’ve gone too far M there’s Japanese Whalers circling the house relax Teresa a few more pounds and she’ll be unhealthy enough for me to call a PTA meeting you know I’m getting sick of people talking about me like I’m not even here it ain’t like I’m hard to

Miss as soon as I get rid of those vending machines I’ll give you some carrots and you’ll go back to normal listen to yourself what do you mean normal you’re saying I’m not normal just hang on cuz I gained a few pounds I’m still me you know jeez get off your soap box

Kid before it breaks yeah laugh it up with the fat kid you jerks I can still kick your asses as long as I lean on something for a while while I’m doing it oh crap ah bring me some freaking cupcakes Okay kid time to tell on your

Little Jihadi friends and come home no way I’m not a snitch wait a sec how the hell are you still alive I followed the old adage and kicked someone’s ass on my first day good for you kid whose ass this one no actually cannibal Dave here

Got on the wrong side of old psycho Pete look at you with a prison neck niame oh you putting me on you beat up this guy shame on you pal je drop it it don’t add up no way a weed like you could take on this Booka Am I Wrong can we

Drop you see that makes sense to me pety just name names before cannibal Dave comes back for another helping I will not rat out my friends I have to take a stand does it not hours are over I was wrong about you kid you got bigger balls than I thought oh need a

Painkiller no you’re sitting on my colostomy [Applause] bag now they’ll see what vending machines do to kids better hurry ma Annabelle’s about to steal you thunder irresponsible parents who don’t care what their children eat are why I want to remove all vending machines from our schools

Don’t you dare Westminster I’m the VP of the PTA and I fed my kid nothing but vending machine junk food to prove you did this on purpose what kind of a mother are you Gina’s fine she’s been on a blissful sugar high for days lower me down forget vending machines the real

Story here is how crappy y people treat overweight kids I think the real story is the childhood obesity epidemic go eat a sandwich bony M maybe if you Med a jaag off stop celebrating people for looking like skeletons portly kids like me would oh crap for your Liv CH Villa

Will kill us all out all right we’re going to get ourselves busted as terrorists cuz pety needs help on the inside he better give me the top bunker or cut him while we’re at it we’ll hit O’Shea where it hurts right in a pipe boost me up what with

Terrorists do we got to pay du either that is really shy workmanship or We Are The A Team of won Cru I love it when a plant comes together Che no the pipeline appears to have been been built with substandard materials as part of a kickback scheme masterminded

By Premier OA shame on the voters for elected me the judge agreed and find everyone in the province $600 The Men Who uncovered the plot had this to say their faces have been distorted for reasons that are none of your business we were uh just innocently walking by when the pipeline broke and

We didn’t have to use a bomb or nothing sorry I meant or anything 158 has been repealed activists throughout the province are singing yub yub and dancing like happy Ewoks you did it pop you did it thank God I’m getting out of here unfortunately along with the pipeline

Being destroyed so too were the surrounding Wetlands damn it how’s it feel to be a free man kid we miss the quiet time in jail don’t we Wilson nice to see you looking healthy again Gina I’m Miss my scooter you were Hell on Wheels sweetie another one died

Sorry pety oil covered Avan who hears your call I do Kaka cheats no how you doing I used to be Jimmy Falone a coppo in a New York crime family now I’m Jimmy mcdog living like a schnook in Canada now gangster in wasn’t exactly a line of work uh goty toos go

Sleep with the fish but that’s exactly what I wanted I live danger I breathed danger danger was my middle name I never did forgive ma for that D gambini we did as you asked the charges set pretty soon PA Bobby is going to be little Bobby chunks but if I

May inquire what exactly did th Bobby do he didn’t show respect Jimmy it always felt like he was looking down at me you too I never never did like that guy good riddance in exactly 10 nine Che when you were under T Bobby’s car why didn’t you

Set the charge I did just like you said see you were supposed to leave it under his car you know it’s a wonder I lasted as long as I did but just because I’m in witness protection now doesn’t mean I don’t still face danger cuz if you think minus

55 in January ain’t real Danger forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle te he take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor

Suite wasn’t much a long till the M want him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and most catch you one forget about it forget about it

Forget about it oh forget about It Jimmy may I speak to you for a moment yeah yeah one sec I just got to beat this level oh all right this better be good Human Resources can’t find your high school diploma on file I hate to be a bother but can I get you to send it over again

Tell them to look harder actually I was being polite truth is you still haven’t submitted one so now you need a diploma to sit at a desk and not work all day uh-huh only the best and brightest for Regina tourism what if I don’t got no diploma you’re such a kider Jimmy only

Losers don’t finish high school and did those losers beat you up before they dropped out Yeah Jimmy I don’t understand why didn’t you complete High School the mob wasn’t big on book smarts I mean look what they did to Don poex allow me to quote Einstein so can you take care of it or not well yes it would take just a few

Simple keystrokes to enter a high school diploma into your file great see you later but I won’t do it why not Jimmy I can’t deprive you of this invaluable learning opportunity sure you can go ahead deprived me I was looking for something to give up for Lent anyway

Jimmy education is the very Cornerstone of society what kind of friend would I be if I took that experience away from you the kind I don’t want to whack in the face with a 2×4 oh how I envy you Jimmy you about to embark on a voyage

Across the sea of knowledge a sea peppered with islands of information AR capelos of insight and at TOS of wisdom you are one lucky bastard right back at you minus the lucky pot see you’re already doing math for Canada well you don’t need to play football to afford College great look what you made me do shut up you’re starting to piss me off here whoa a jeez I better put you out of your misery all right hold still I said hold still it’ll be over in a second there got it stupid goose only fat guys drink

Beer what do you want a medal for not dying scram I ain’t kidding quit following me L warning pal unless you want an ass full of buck shot so this diploma you got from the internet wasn’t good enough for him apparently havard’s not a high school

And it’s spelled with two A’s you learn something new every day if I don’t get them a real diploma they’re going to give me the a you know who could have done this for you Freddy to forge you one time he made me a fake ID got me

Into veto’s bar je you were like 50 what did you need a fake ID for it was ladies drink free night man I got bummed next morning I woke up in some guy’s bed boy was he embarrassed God I miss all those guys Freddy the forger carine the counterfeit

Tony the Tiger Smuggler the guys you find on Craigslist they’re just not the same hey how come Daddy got to drop out of high school but you won’t let me you’re such a hypocrite and that’s exactly why you’re staying in school young lady Teresa it’s apples and orange

Juice when I was your age I was on the streets hustling doing whatever it took to make a [Applause] living so what you going to do Jimmy I guess I’ll just quit and live off the nest egg over your dead body what the hell kind of example is that to set for

The kids I used to kill guys for a living send a good example ain’t exactly high on my priorities well now you’re a civilian so act civilized and get a [ __ ] diploma fine I’ll go back to high school pop you can just get a GED Gina’s not here pety if you want to

Swear you don’t have to spell it oh you are so staying in school it means general educational diploma all you have to do is pass an equivalency exam at the community college that’s it just pass one test uh-huh I got mine when I was five I only stay in school for the

Camaraderie and how many friends do you have 127 Facebook doesn’t count counting you don’t you dare count me Zero so look I see you got a lot of wood in this joint be a real shame if it would to go up in Flames if you catch my drift course for a fee I could protect you from that kind of thing eh aren’t you adorable now run along little girl

A I’ll be back for more on Friday you got some nice moves there kid how’ you like to join my crew so uh what do I call you honka nah that sounds stupid how about beaks all right beaks it is welcome aboard I don’t know how you’re going to

Do it Jimmy the studying lectures reading you couldn’t pay me enough on the other hand it’s never too late to learn your abds You’ve Got Big Dreams you want fame well Fame costs and right here is where you start paying yo lady is this the GED Cass room 102 down the

Hall thank you pardon sorry me excuse me coming through here sorry good luck you’re going to need it woohoo you’re are flexy what’s your number welcome to high school equivalency 101 I’m Mr Russo is that going to be on the test no now I know many of you are going

Through some Life Changes divorce midlife crisis manopause don’t forget parole but this is your one chance and a second chance so seize it actually you can take the test as often as you like I just said that for dramatic effect is any of that going to

Be on test no but since you’re so interested in tests let’s start with a practice One hey teach you forgot the eyes and mouth on this smiley face actually that’s a zero what don’t I even get a point for spelling my name right you didn’t Who the hell’s jimo this is going to be hotter than I thought I got to

Figure out a way to pass this class well want to join my study group Beat It nerd Jimmy it’s been 30 years since you were in school you got to get used to being a student again but how I don’t even remember what it was like being a

Stupid probably cuz I made you in hookie you’ll figure it out anyways listen this broad inha class Debbie lost custody of her kids and and they’re having a keger at her place you coming [ __ ] yeah ah It’s All Coming Back to Me Now this is just like when I was in high school

There’s the snobby prom queen no I don’t want a beer leave me alone nerd the drug pushing preppy come on Cindy all your peers are doing it my Piers well in that case and who can forget the [ __ ] girl you know what cheich maybe this High School thing ain’t going to be so

Bad after all to Second Chances The Second Chances oh God Cindy has no Pulse That was awesome okay here’s your cut don’t spend it all in one pond Che I feel like a teenager again I’m having the time of my life me too well except for this terrible acne and I keep getting urges to cut myself while masturba just don’t use the good knives okay you’ll wake somebody where the hell have you been no call not even a text

I’ve been worried sick you could have been lying dead in a ditch for all I know and I’m this close to putting you there myself get off my case you don’t understand I understand plenty you’re a grown man with a wife and three kids and

A job you’re going to lose if you don’t get serious and get that diploma I mean look at this homework it says find X and you drew an arrow point to the X well that’s where it is you’re not even trying Jimmy all you’re doing is partying and fooling around no butts now

March up those stairs and go to your room old man you’re grounded it’s not [Applause] fair what the hell is this it’s a field trip you need to sign it Jimmy can I see you for a minute what up teach can I just say what an amazing

Time I’ve been having in this class no really I mean it he go buy yourself an apple Jimmy night school isn’t all fun in games EX except for recess you’re struggling in class and failing your practice tests I think you might have a learning disability oh did you just call

Me a [ __ ] no and I would never use that term it’s nothing to be ashamed of I am not a [ __ ] I agree all you need is some extra help oh yeah well help this just to be clear I do not have erectile dysfunction yeah I got That did you see the look on that shopkeeper’s face o don’t hurt me I have a family what a wuss good night I love you beaks tell anyone I said that I’ll cut out your liver I’ve been expecting your call Jimmy let me guess you need help with

Canadian history or as we call it history while it is a long and Noble Saga I wish to start on the day in 1814 when we marched on Washington and burn down your White House stop making [ __ ] up mcole this is serious turns out I got

A learning disability so seeing as I’m a [ __ ] I’m going to need you to fake that diploma for me that can’t be right Jimmy you ran a large criminal organization the numbers running alone would have taken tremendous mental ability not to mention outsmarting Legions of dedicated law enforcement officers do you see what

I mean I got to go back to Crime no it means there’s nothing wrong with your intelligence of course your morals are another story you’re right right I am smart it’s like the time Don fucci was leaving Chicago on a train going 80 mph and Don Palazo left New York on a train

Going 50 Mi an hour and I whacked them both I’m a [ __ ] genus you mean genius whatever but Jimmy don’t forget genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration perfect I sweat like a pig you can do this Jimmy say it I can do this Jimmy [ __ ] how do you get minus 2% not

Everyone learns at the same pace so you’re on the slow side Jimmy this is the number for the student help center all you need to do is ask I’m Jimmy I’m slow I have a learning disability Jimmy what about your diploma screw that school is for suckers I hear

You though I’m really going to miss Debbie’s keggers and I don’t me mean her beer parties you dropped out of school what the hell is wrong with you Jimmy all you have to do is ask for a little help that’s it why can’t you ever do that

Tell me about it remember a trip to Hawaii would you just ask someone I got it you better get that diploma Jimmy it’s one thing to drop out of high school but I am not living with a night school Dropout you got that I got

It here go nuts wait are you asking me to take your GED test for you no I’m telling you to take my test for me I’m afraid I can’t do that why not there’s an old saying give a man a fish and you feed him for a day teach a man to fish

And you feed him for a lifetime I don’t understand the thing you just said and now I’m hungry for sushi if you want my help pop just ask I’ll be happy to tutor you but I’m not taking the test for you fine if you won’t do it I’ll find

Someone who will sir I understand you wish me to take the high school equivalency exam for you is that correct ah crap can you believe this the guy doesn’t even speak English sir it is my native language you getting any of this waka waka waka must be Chinese or

Something I was valedictorian of my high school I have a PhD from prinston speak English All right so we just got to make a few stops on Albert Street eyes on the road you’re trying to get us killed what are you looking at a nuts don’t you get it beaks you don’t got to fly south ever again unless the cops are chasing [Applause] You did I or did I not just tell you to keep your freaking eyes on the road what the hell it looks like you whacked the library in here there are two blue marbles and three red cups how many different ways can you place the marbles into the cup I can’t do this

Cook I’m disabled oh for the love of God you’re not disabled we both know you didn’t quit high school because you had to earn a living you quit because you wouldn’t ask anyone for help because of your stupid Pride your stupid stubborn sexy Pride cookie where we come from a man doesn’t

Ask for help a man does things for himself there’s only one thing I want you to do for me Jimmy name it pass I want you to pass wait a minute two balls three cups six the answer is six uh pety yeah Pop I need you I need you you need a

Helicopter you’re having a stroke Timmy’s in the well Timmy’s in the well help I need your freaking help all right you got it but if we’re going to do this we’re going to do it my way you’re going to become a lean mean learning machine when I’m through with you you’re going

To eat Latin and crap prime numbers Bree faster faster read read okay but why is he exercising because that’s the way he learns pick it up faster faster slow down check your work check your answers 41 42 43 57 58 59 12 * 12 144 again again Correct I got it right so push hard educated guest fill it in yeah Bre Bre Bre sorry the school bell is broken this is it you all worked hard good luck you may Begin cut it out beaks you honked an oath once you’re in the life you can’t leave sweetie you got to let him go but I don’t want to let him go honey it’s the Call of the Wild everyone has to leave sometime just like one day you’re

Going to grow up and leave me I will uh-huh and it’s going to be the hardest day of my life but I’ll know that even when we’re apart you’ll always be with me here in my heart I’m going to miss you you moo all right all right don’t get a little mushy on

Me what if he can’t survive in the wild no more he’s a Falcone now he’s going to do just fine he’s going to do just just Fine congrat oh I passed you passed hey me too Che that’s great but and don’t take this the wrong way or anything how ah wasn’t so tough God damn it why didn’t I think of that Jimmy I’m proud of you you earned it on your own and no one can take that

Away from you I’m sorry I was acting like a high school jerk correction high school graduate jerk I want to make it up to you Cookie would you go to the high school equivalency prom with me of course I will but I need 800 bucks for a Dress what do you mean there’s no prom queen it only took me 30 years to get you to a prom but here we are baby what do you think I think if you play your cards right you might get lucky in the car later every day I’m with you I’m the

Luckiest man on earth oh we are definitely doing it in the back seat congratulations equivalency class of 2013 by the power vested in Me by the province of Saskatchewan I now declare you [Applause] graduates I made a girl I see you every they we going to work it out yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah she said come along with me I me on girl Everyone how you doing I used to be Jimmy Falone a big shot in the gambini crime syndicate but I Ratt it out my friends so my family and I had to go into witness protection the thing about witness protection is you can’t just start off being witness protected you

Got to learn to be a whole other person and that ain’t easy so remember you’re no longer the Falcone you’re the McDougall what’s your name Jimmy Falcone no your fake name oh my fake name is Tommy mcdouall don’t say my fake name I don’t know your fake name we’ll come

Back to you now Debbie would you please get me a glass of water Debbie would you please get me a glass of water Gina your new name is Debbie I know that but get your own freaking water come on people you’re moving in two weeks one slip up and your cover

Will be blown when do I get my nose job there is no nose job boob job no boob job hand job there are no jobs I thought you said I have to get a job yes you have to get a job Tommy who’s Tommy your

Tommy I killed a Tommy once nice guy ah and that was when they decided we should stick with our real first names and then they shipped us off to vagina vagina Saskatchewan but if any of you think changing our name is going to change the falones forget about it let me tell you

Something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle it take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor Suite wasn’t much along till the m once

In dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and M catch you on forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about

It thanks for picking me up cook no problem but you think tomorrow you could take the bus I got to take the kids to the doctor you ever been on a bus they smell they’re filled with derelicts and slobs and people filled with dis let the

Kids take the bus oh my God Jimmy snake Hammer they’re playing tonight in Saskatoon you know they’ve always been my favorite band my sister and I never missed a single snake Hammer concert these guys do one show in 10 years and where do they go Saskatoon Saskatoon everybody loves Saskatoon oh my God

She’s going to be there my sister’s going to be in Saskatoon tonight snake Hammer grab it by the handle SN snake Hammer put it in your toolbox I’m going to break out my leather pants and my hammer halter and FES ofal I’m going to see Rosalie Jimmy we’re going to

Saskatoon like hell I am what are you talking about I could see my sister this might be my only chance to ever see her again but baby it’s Saskatoon I’m a vagina guy how could I go to work and look the other fellas in the eye oh they wouldn’t know I’d know

Fine don’t do me any favors I’ll go myself then who will make dinner well I wouldn’t kill you to miss AAL you fat Jimmy cookie we’ll have none of that public cussing your outdoor arguments are bringing too much attention and you risk exposing yourself I will if you

Will oh here she goes don’t take her seriously mle she’s just trying to piss me off and it’s working will you twoo stop this kind of behavior is not Canadian we are a polite people who keep our true feelings bottled up if we must express ourselves we do it with silent

Resentment flowering looks and suppressed rage all the while maintaining a delicate balance of denial and shame that’s the Canadian way do you think you can do that you take denial I got shame Splendid my workday is done oh is that a Cuban Mr Goody tushu smoking illegal cigars nothing illegal about it

The government of Canada does not maintain Antiquated foreign policies and our beer tastes better too for Canada proud to be shameful hey pety how about a little Grand Theft Auto Gina I’m studying I don’t have time for a video game who said anything about a video game you’re

So funny G funny funny how you mean the way I talk what’s funny about it f funny like I’m a clown I amuse you I make you laugh I’m here to amuse you what do you mean funny how the am I funny yeah like a clown now that’s

Funny you don’t even know for sure that your sister will be there I do know for sure and if you’d taken the time to get to know my sister you’d know she never misses a snake Hammer show but you didn’t take time to get to know my

Sister because you didn’t take the time to get to know me because because you don’t pay attention I do so pay attention GE you’re not going to believe what I found out about Canada you can legally buy Cubans here I know I got a closet full of them M MBO

M please Senor let us see wow you can buy anything I can me and G Going to the cigar store tell your mother we’ll be back in 20 hosital ah this is the life sure is makes you wonder why can’t you get these in the states anyway beat me Cuba has a

Lot to offer cigars baseball players Gooding Jr I would like to go to Cuba one day and say why did you make that game boat movie no that was Leonardo DiCaprio I don’t want to argue politics with you let’s just enjoy our smokes all right bye everyone I’m off to

See a rosaly see you in the morning Hammer a snake where’s the car Jimmy pety where’s your father I like eggs we meet again old friend where the hell is he that stupid selfish jackass I’m going to kill him this is jimmmy I’m trapped inside my phone I’m

Just busting you Bulls I can’t believe you you took the car when you knew how important this was to me I may miss my sister if you don’t get home soon so you better call me the second you get this you stupid selfish [ __ ] jeez hey that was great Jimmy great

Smokes great booze great conversation we are spend more time together Che I’m with you all the time wait that was you keep an eye open I got to take a leak hang on I got to go more look I don’t want to get into some kind of pissing

Contest with you why because I compete farther is that a challenge you’re on okay we’ll call it a draw I’m going to kill him I am so going to kill him no no I’m going to almost kill him then let him heal then I’ll kill him no then I’ll

Almost kill him Cuba Gooding Jr was in boys in the hood with Lawrence Fishburn who was in Apocalypse Now with Dennis Hopper you inconsiderate child cookie please I’m in the middle of a game here you took the car my only chance to see my sister and you took the freaking car

Oh man the concert cook I’m sorry you’re always sorry what good does that do me you never listen you only care about yourself no I’m caring about you now see here I am standing and talking about caring if that ain’t caring stop it my sister’s gone the concert’s over and so

I you no longer live here fine I’ll sleep in the car Where’d I put it where am I going to go what am I going to do how do I get into this mess I’ve never seen her this angry before I mean we’ve had some big fights but I’ve

Never had to talk to myself for this long I wonder if that’s the same RCMP special agent straight mol that I know Jimmy what are you doing here at this hour cookie threw me out and it’s my own damn fault I have nowhere to go oh my goodness come in you’ll catch your

Death wow this is the coolest place in the world it’s like Caesar’s Palace meets old yella precisely what I told my decorator Jimmy have a seat thanks for letting me crash here my pleasure now let’s go over the rules rule number one no feet on the table rule number two no

Smoking rule number three no littering no writing on foggy windows no usage of the word irregardless brush after every meal lights out at 10:50 and no masturbating where I can hear it cheese and whiskers it’s like Toronto Union Station around here Jimmy cookie wanted me to give you

A message I want to make sure I get this right and take youring Uncle wit you what I’m sorry cook I screwed up I don’t know what’s wrong with me you deserve better and I’ll try harder I’m tired of your apologies Jimmy this may have been the only chance to ever see my

Sister again in my life I don’t see how I’ll ever be able to forgive you I can’t even forgive myself I’m such a jerk there you go me me me I’m a jerk I’m an idiot I’m an [ __ ] all you think about as yourself so go lead your selfish life without me

What about my clothes and my piano and my safe and my Anvil and my feather Ow I’m telling you I’ve never seen her like this this was beyond anger she didn’t yell once it was terrifying you know what Jimmy I got lady troubles too mine is a real ball buster nothing I do is ever good enough and one of these

Days I’m just going to go up to her and say I won’t take this anymore mom you know what kid today’s your lucky day I got me a little cabin in the suburbs come on by in will Comm misery Kiser loves company women lonely there there schw you know

Me and cheich we got a little cabin you know premier here we got a little cabin little Cabin but Premier I didn’t even vote for you then the joke’s on me I didn’t think you were old enough to vote ch ch ch be at peace if you can’t enjoy how it goes down you’ll never like how it comes back up man I never thought they’d all show

Up I was just being polite hey Jimmy isn’t that the guy you whack cuz he figured out who you were hey yeah I hate when they come back hello Jimmy and you must be uncle cheich we then Hey listen I got to ask you something I’m not sure

How to put this but didn’t I kill you actually that was my robot double and I’m glad you whacked him because I think he was trying to kill me what you have robots of course Jimmy I’m a master inventor I would wouldn’t be nearly as

Wealthy as I am if I didn’t have an army of robots working to undermine my competitors but I’ve said too much what you have robots just the one but you killed it oh dice excuse me come on Jimmy let’s go play look even the dead guy is having fun I’m not

Really in the party mood Che I got to get cookie back I got to think of something big something huge something so Grand there’s no way she won’t forgive me like what I’m thinking an Xbox Jimmy I’ve been divorced six times I think I know a thing or two about

Marriage she threw you out it’s over time to live a little I don’t know look you can wallow and mope for months but let me tell you something she ain’t moping she’s out there jumping up on table shaking her money maker rubbing her HooHa all over the bar and buying

Drinks for every guy who pinches her onion all in your dime that’s sounds like our wedding night move over the Kitt is back what in the Queen’s name is going on Jimmy what have you done it’s not my fault it just sort of happened organically here have a

Beer that one’s on you that’s it Jimmy Che you are no longer welcome here everybody out not so fast mounty piroch under the laws of eminent domain your cabin has been aned by the great province of Saskatchewan so saith the premere but your honor eminent domain

Can only be used in times of War can I declare war on your lame ass so piss off thank you for hearing me out sir hey MCO bring back some Cheetos chin up in the face of adversity there are those worse off than you stand tall and Carry On and enough with the

Sad music ah keer McDougall the only member of the family who’s never let me down I stand corrected hey Teresa want to play Candyland sorry Gina but I stopped playing kids games once I got tits you sure I changed it a little that’s pretty good you’re funny

Funny funny how and I would really think hard about your answer don’t be alarmed cookie I found him with his tongue stuck to a lamp poost he has a mild concussion and he’s lost his mind oh pety why didn’t you tell me you lost your mind he’ll be all

Right thanks to me all he needs is a good night’s rest apologize I don’t know how to thank you no need you’re going through enough yourself I know all about you and Jimmy he’s been staying at my house which I’ve been forced to leave that selfish blobber spit tell me about

It I gave him a whole list of rules but it never dawned on me that I had to add and flush he’s a pig so where you staying I’m hoping to find a dead deer and sleep inside its carcass is that as gross as it sounds you have no idea then

You have to stay here you wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for me come on in we’ll make some more mess that wouldn’t be appropriate I’m kidding I insist you’ll stay here tonight where it’s safe and warm I suppose it’s preferable to a dead deer carcass all

Right but on the condition that there’s no hanky panky how about just Panky oh I’m kidding is that my lipstick who’s funny now did you use my lipstick to draw a picture of some poor girl named FSA it’s you dumbass whatever I want that lipstick back you little squirt one more

Step in the lipstick gets it you wouldn’t try me no no she means it and you have a big ass that’s it give it back to me what’s this about she stole my lipstick she wouldn’t play with me and she called me funny so I swiped it and

Made a Hangman game where I killed her and told her she had a fat ass so you can’t blame me you girls don’t know how lucky you are to have a sibling I was an only child no one to play with but myself that came out wrong Teresa put

Your things where Gina can’t get them Gina you use your artistic talent to draw happy things like rainbows and unicorns problems solved that was really impressive mul Jimmy we just let them fight and then make fun of the loser they’re good girls cookie not outwardly of course is this

Better I’ll take that as friendly sarcasm Gina you are quite funny all right come here come here come Here go Goldie Bight him Jimmy you better on the bear does he in the woods Jimmy this is such a fantastic thing youw to have this house and this party and thew I don’t know I’ve been trying to enjoy myself but the truth is I can’t stop thinking about cookie and what I

Done man no what you do is a Serv for the whole Community you are a mother scha genius to create all this and then get rid of thatw mounty and he moves in with your wife what son of awah I got to do something to win my

Wife back and it’s got to be even grander than an Xbox somehow I got to get cookie together it with her sister but how Jimmy I can help you what could you do I’m a billionaire entrepreneur world-renowned inventor decor ated scientist and believe it or not I’m a heterosexual man who understands women

All right let’s get these two broads together you know it’s a proven fact that anything we can do they can do better they like to hear That little Gina oh Teresa don’t look man don’t look whoa no wonder she wanted me to do the vacuuming I’ll get it m I’m here to see cookie but I want to say I’m sorry about the party and everything thank you Jimmy I hope you’re not alarmed by my presence in your home

But I assure you nothing happened that would cause me to be less than proud uh so does that mean you did her or you did not do her God no good and these it for you what Jimmy your apology was Valiant enough you didn’t need to buy me flowers

I didn’t we broke AAS in your living room and I thought you’d want them now get the hell out of my house cookie didn’t I tell you to off cuz if I didn’t I’d be more than happy to tell you again what are you smirking at get ready to

Forgive Me Over My Dead cookie rosaly oh my God it’s really you I never thought I’d see you again you just disappeared one they you Jimmy the kids were just gone I can’t believe you’re really here I talk to you every day in my head that’s because you’ve always had voices

In your head you crazy [ __ ] I missed you so much you painted hole Jimmy how did you make this happen I called in a favor baby I screwed up and I had to fix it for you cuz I love you I love you too you big cheeseball I love you too you big

Cheeseball I’m sorry that was weird weird cheeseball weird are you okay yeah I’m fine it was a long flight I’m just a little tired tired tired what’s going on nothing it’s just the excitement of seeing my sister sister sister sister sister sister oh my God me Cookie Hit the

Dirt hope I didn’t use the nuclear battery busted what the hell is going on that wasn’t your sister it was a robot look I’m sorry but there was no way I could get to Rosalie for real this was the only thing I could think of to get

You to stop hating me so would you mind going inside and tossing me my other piano and I’ll be on my way Jimmy I never hated you and I never could how many men would go to the trouble of building a nuclear powerered robot sister for their wife six one and I got

Him and you’re never going to lose him how you doing who am I none of your business what’s it to you you’re writing a book that’s how I’d be talking if I was still in the MOB the ancient Italian Code of Silence known as omerta required us to

Keep our mouths shut it all started back in Sicily where the mob made an example of anyone who opened their Mouth like this guy all he did was ask a cop for directions after that no one ever talked to the Cops in fact no one ever talked to anyone just to be on the safe Side even if my great grandpa’s pants were on fire he still would have kept his mouth shut hell of a God the whole village grinded to a halt they had to come up with some way to communicate And that’s why Italians talk with their hands because of omera I don’t think that’s true pop oh yeah ow you know what that means or did I stutter uh forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy

And the C with a gambini but when he found out the they be whacking Uncle Che he take the boss he threw him from the 19 floor Suite wasn’t much along till the M want him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the

Feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about It this corset so tight my boobs are coming out my back why are we here I got to support my boss’s side business cuz he supports my Wednesdays Tuesdays and Thursdays off dinner where someone gets wacked it’s like I’m back home except I’m dressed like an [ __ ] oh no someone shoot him Rancher

Dan ooh the cavalry’s here albe it unscripted roll with it everyone don’t mind me I’m just here to see Buffalo Jump Toby you can’t wear that I can’t even wear that Jimmy I’m afraid I have some pressing news great tell us at home let’s go for Canada where white people still

Think wearing these is okay oh dances with horse make big aing R run many Paces am I right guys all right mol so what’s this news there’s no easy way to say this oh crap we’re moving again who you R out this time hop along sack of [ __ ] I for one

Welcome a fresh start that’s cuz you got caught in class with a sleep boner it’s your grandmother in Sicily no I’m afraid she’s dying no why God why that woman is insane roll out the fluffy red carpet Jesus cuz there’s an angel coming take me instead

Lord no take me take them both God please I know your pain I was absent when my own dear grandmother passed they say she shrieked my name as the grizzly bear tore into her when I heard about your Nona I resolved to bring her here for a final

Farewell are you out of your freaking mind I don’t want to see her I hate that [ __ ] she’s the whole reason I had an eaten disorder I don’t understand you were all so upset when I said she was dying she’s family you got to make a Big Show in

Case God and all the neighbors are watching but if she finds out we ratted on the mob yeah we don’t worry know as practically komos she’ll have no idea where she is is I’m not taking that chance we got to be ready to make her think it’s the old life no witness

Protection no cops nothing’s changed that might be tricky she lands in 2 hours I’m coming [Applause] Jesus all right one more time forget it about it what the hell’s wrong with you sorry I’m nervous you heard me say it like a million times it’s here see what did I tell you sh jimy uh that’s right Nona it’s Jimmy Winnipeg Jets she’s up that means

You’re up serpo make it good forget aloud an so Jimmy I see you bring her the [ __ ] hello Nona and the cry baby santa Luchia don’t feed the this one after midnight and here’s a the fat one hi Nona it’s nice to see Maron the of the leaves evening Nona

You’re looking lovely okay Nona good to see you let’s get this visit over with hey wait for your cousin what cousin what a cousin says it’s a Porky Pig a that’s nice aonia come meet Dante’s Inferno you know that’s your cousin right technically not I’m a McDougall too bad it’s way hotter if she’s your cousin okay let’s get you home Nona you must be tired tired of your face we know go home

I want to see Statue of Liberty uh Nona obviously we’re in uh New York which we are but uh Statue of Liberty is a tall order why this is a city that never sleep and never take a bath oh we go you idiot apologize to Nona like the

Stinking dog that you are heyo babba eyes a real a Sor there Nona Malona Jesus Christ I don’t know why but I like you now take me to Lady Li Liberty how you doing ban I’m Cheich she looking smaller yeah uh budget cuts thanks a lot Obama we go ah America he so romantic it sure is we invented drive-thru wedding chapels so Petro you have a sweetheart no I just haven’t met the right cousin girl I mean girl you know that’s your cousin’s ass you’re

Groping would you stop reminding me house is a small business bad Jimmy no uh the mansion’s being renovated this is pey’s house is it py in the family business yeah yeah he’s a chip off the old block pety show abalonia to a room don’t tell

Me what to do in my own house you believe this [ __ ] NOA I made eggplant Palm just for you you hungry eggplant no you just put cheese on a dirty sock this will be your room huh plastic sheets it’s not what you think I’m just a dead weather in a

Village I always dream of America now I am here with handsome cin like a dream come true if dreams came true I’d be your handsome cousin oh wait Petro will you show aonia big banana banana well it’s kind of yellow and curves left Oh you mean the Big Apple I thought you

Meant my penis whoa that’s the first time I’ve ever said penis in front of a girl you don’t know what I’m saying do you penis penis penis penis I like you old hag wouldn’t know good eggplant Palm if it smothered her in her sleep with my favorite pillow no

No just because she spat it back onto her plate doesn’t mean she didn’t like it Jimmy I think if she finds out she won’t tattle she’s family she’s Sicilian we broke omera that sh runs deeper than and blood I smell the rat oh no that’s the horse excuse for

Cooking where’s all of your friends big sheit it’s big shot I know what I say no friends to pay respect to Nona something not a ride here put her in a bath drop in a toaster butter boom pine box back to Italy if she’s on to us we got to send her back

Right now if we send her back she you’ll know we’re on to her being on to us Gina run a bath I’ll get the Toast oh eggplant par so you want a way out of this I know just the guy to talk to who I said who’s that now you know who I mean it’s thank you ah I said Timmy who’s Timmy you know your friend there jono Toby that’s the guy Tony oh Gina you’re

Gross still tastes better than a [ __ ] Eggplant all right we want to hire your Mystery Dinner murder theater Tippy Toby as long as it starts with a T shut up Robbie it’s got to be a New York gangster thing oo I love gangster stories New Jack City boys in the hood The Goonies what

Goonies I’m talking a mafia Che this is not a good idea how dare you come into my nephew’s house and disrespect me like this I go to Kitchen I mind are my business you see Taco that’s the kind of authenticity we’re looking for don’t you worry authenticity is our new middle

Name at the East Side authenticity players East Side Toby this fighting’s got on too long we got to bring the families together end the Bloodshed and eat some pasta bloody shed macaroni Mama Mia Abba’s the best that’s insulting and kind of racist but you got the job oh

Jimmy you won’t be disappointed that’s not true but whatever don’t Moosh this up the only thing I’ll be mushing are the Italian Peas I think I want to kill him already that’s good use that aw did you come running to me because you’re scared of the Thunder no I come

Cuz you scared of thunder thank you I like you I like you too abalonia but we’re cousins cousins it’s just a word but it’s forbidden except in Kentucky and parts of Manitoba what about Regina you know we’re not in New York yes I no understand but I no Care I’m sorry I cannot I know it’s wrong but it feels so right what can we do I get the new sheets and pajama bottoms hey everybody look it’s Jimmy spaghetti and the spaghetti family and you brought the little meatball oo she looks mad Toby I told

You to call us the Falone family it’s very important I thought about it Jimmy but FAL cone is just too on the nose are you kidding me Jimmy you’re Scottish I worked in Italy ceramic tile Bazaar for 3 years I know a thing or two about the

Land of grout and marble get those cotton balls out of your mouth you look like an idiot but that’s what Marlin Brando used in his SP trayal of the’s not even Italian and for the reord neither is bror and why is there a Mexican flag up there Jimmy we’re walking a tight RPP

Here and it’s windy careful not to blow your cover which cover that I’m a gangster or I’m not a gangster I don’t know my mind’s racing to keep up Macho be you seriously it’s way better if you don’t talk Jimmy this is all terrible

Nana’s not going to buy it oh is that El Pacino I’m going to get an autograph hey Jimmy spaghetti with the great big belly eat you want more ranch dip for your pizza Bagels look at that Larry Linguini who let such a snake into this Gathering of honorable man toss him

Out with the rest of the garbage wink wink I hope you’re enjoying the show oh of respect show of respect right Nona I go to the lady’s room and drop how you say cookies egg plant parmesan I think she’s buying it we’re going to be okay we’re more than okay

I’m Facebook friends with Pino hey everyone we just got married [Applause] what and someone killed [Applause] Lingen my baby boy is married to his freaking cousin we have to abort I agree I do not want a two-headed cousin baby running around no Jimmy the mission first we got to break up this marriage before Nona finds out and tells half of sisy that abalonia married pety Falone

By the way Jimmy my congratulations little something for the happy couple a you shouldn’t have will you forget about that just go keep Nona in the bathroom cook you scare some sense in abalonia I’ll go beat the [ __ ] out of py look I know in the old country people marry the

Cousins all the time but you don’t want to be married to a pimply chronic Master beta plus look at you and look at him you’re so beautiful and he’s he’s handsome strong what are you a crackhead the guy’s a loser what what is a loser a gavone an idiot a bone head I

Have to love him but you got a choice ah see see I want a second don’t to you a disrespect to my Husband oh hey what just making sure he sharp hey aona the big boss says you got to stay in the washroom cuz Larry Linguini’s killer is still running around B Bingo such a nice boy shut up your face selfa Mountain that is Unholy I know you’re disappointed you weren’t

At the ceremony but our love just couldn’t wait I don’t give a crap about your ceremony she’s your cousin you bang them you don’t marry him what is this Kentucky no it’s Regina and guess what my wife knows and she doesn’t care you told her this ain’t New York are you

Nuts oh God I got to talk to cookie Che keep py away from abalonia you can’t keep us apart we’re family now again still you know I’m starting to like this chick I think she really loves my boy welcome to the family she was already in the family don’t ruin this

Gina hey Jimmy spaghetti I needed to talk to you not now Toby how dare you disrespect to me at the wedding of your son to my daughter what’s he say nothing kiss me daughter what the [ __ ] are you talking about the wedding threw me off I

Had to improvise which is why we’re now called the Eide authenticity improvisational players another domain name I have to check never mind the wedding but this Union will bring our family pleas together what the weedding if your boy hurts a my girl I’ll kill you Jimmy please ad do why you

Want to be married look at me I’m Free as a bird I got my options open Sky a limit you live alone in a basement never let it go you hear me never let it go and name your firstborn after me I don’t care how many heads it’s Scot excuse me

Everyone I’ve always said there’s nothing more important than family and apparently my son agrees with a Vengeance so it’s my honor to announce the first dance between peety cookie no and his beautiful and surprisingly stabby bride abalonia oh dear God let’s do this Nona stop right there pey spaghetti you

Thought you fooled us with this elaborate and unscripted wedding well you didn’t you murdered Larry Linguini married monster this family bring a shame to me crime murder but no more NOA calm down please Co no no stop I’m not in the mob anymore I ratted out my old bosses and now I’m in witness protection in [Applause] Canada is it true Jimmy is it true Nona

I’m just a civilian now a schnuck no so happy thank you Jesus finally jimy here the light your cover’s blown I’ll have you inside the Arctic Circle by morning that’s further north isn’t it Jimmy that’s so far north teach will probably bang Santa’s wife take a ball Jimmy quick Jimmy

McDougall everybody brought to you by the Eide authenticity improvisational surprise ending players SOA you’re not mad no Jimmy for for once I’m proud of you but I betrayed omera I don’t care about Oma it’s just a big stupid aerotype about Sicilians now I’m going to go and make a nice Pizza

Pie does this mean aalon and I have your blessing no appon Mar the monster who kill how you doing I’m Jimmy Falcone now known as m doole they say there’s two things you can’t avoid in life death and taxes Wise Guys don’t pay taxes which only leaves

Death back in the old neighborhood the funeral home was doing great business the guy who ran the place was rolling and D strutted around like he owned a freaking neighborhood so we took over the joint you’re fired at first it was great but after a while my guys was so busy working funerals

None of them were out on the street causing the funerals I realized you can be a gangster or an Undertaker but you can’t be both now I live in Regina Saskatchewan with which is about as much fun as a funeral home and it’s got more stiffs I actually find Regina relaxing

Pety this town’s DOA forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the CPP with a gambini but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle Che it take the boss he threw him from the 19th

Floor site wasn’t much along till the M all went him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the the F say they help if they could use him as a fun so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget

About forget about it oh forget about it and I am sick and tired of your shenanigans every time you and cheich get into one of your mishaps Canadian taxpayers have to foot the bill you’re making a mountain out of mol skinin mol calm down I will not you are on very

Thin ice here Jimmy okay okay I see what this is about how much we talking that is hardly going to cover the cost of this latest debacle what debacle it’s a couple of cows this is going to be great we’re going to have steak on demand I

Pumped them full of steroids so they’re extra beefy sorry Jimmy but my superiors were very clear on the matter one more more mistake one more hink one more incident and you will be expelled from witness protection good day to you sir for Canada where there is a limit to the taxpayers

Goodwill you guys won’t believe what happened pety got a date no I got a summer job no way good for you kid I remember my first job I made a mint off that blue tinted peanut brittle what kind of job is it that’s what I want to know but Teresa

Won’t tell me well I could tell you or I could show you I don’t like this Suppose there someone job is whacking us You’ been drinking paint dinner again think about it she tricks us with this BS job story drives us to the middle of nowhere and

Pow find me a compliment her before I put one in a temple that’s my first born you’re talking about if anyone’s going to shoot her it’ll be me all right take off the blindfolds holy crap we’re all the way back in New York Teresa were you speeding what did we say about speeding

Young lady it’s like a dream except Mama’s not chasing me with the knife I knew it she set us up ah it’s good to be back and cut what that’s a WRA we’re not actually in New York I got a job on a big Hollywood movie filming right here in Regina so

This is a set what’s the movie It’s called Wise Guys versus Aliens it sounds Ary farty wait was there a casting couch involved when you got hired no no I’m just an assistant it’s actually a really easy job standing around all day sure is hard on your feet please take my chair

I’ll sit on the floor oh thanks Mr Spielberg I better get to work I got 10 long hours of sitting eating and texting ahead of me kid sounds like an old Pro already come on let’s take a look around wait I know this door REO open up or I’ll break your legs you

Still owe me cot Rizzo Rizo Rizzo’s been dead for 10 years you [ __ ] nice try Rizzo what do you want Cojack I ain’t touching that what is it I’m talking to you Professor X wait Gina that’s a Buddhist monk he don’t talk I think he’s on mute it’s called the vow of silence dear parent or Guardian A Vision has foretold that a child in this

Home may be The Reincarnation of the Bali llama the who the what now the Bali llama it’s just like the dolly llama except from Bali wow I always knew I was special but not this special I am honored what her oh you got to beting me high priest will soon arrive to

Determine the veracity of the vision please prepare I ain’t giving no priest no eye test you got it now get the hell out of here jackpot 50 G’s that’s Indonesian money it’s only worth five bucks says the guy who is not the baly Llama Jesus Canadian coffee tastes like dish water filtered through dirty Underpants get me an espresso M you know I could get used to all this movie Magic and by magic I mean free sandwiches hey look at this I’ve been here 10 minutes and already I got a

Trailer why do you get a trailer what kind of low rent flick is this hey get out of my trailer if anyone should be banging a bimbo and that win Bago it’s me relax it’s probably just some guy with the same name as you you mean like my evil

TW G look back on your life if you was twins you would not be the good one freaking goody two shoes always stealing my girls did I ever tell you ladies about the time when my nephew Jimmy Falcone whacked the da with a frozen fish we knew the cops were going to be

On to us so to get rid of the evidence we ate the fish oh what are you talking about hey speaking what just happened I never met that guy in my life and I never killed nobody with a fish I just fed him to live on this is identical

Theft that son of a [ __ ] is pretending he’s me and he’s not even as Handsome yo py I’ve been thinking about it I’m going to do this thing you know with a butt monkeys Buddhist monks yeah that’s the one religion’s a cash grab and I want a peace I just need to fool their monks long enough to start buing my followers you know what I think I’ll

Help you you Mr squeaky clean nobs why because I think the simple G m al wisdom of the Buddha may just penetrate your heart like water through cracks in stone whatever but if you screw this up I’m going to crack you with a Stone all right Jimmy I’m calling in every favor you owe me help me whack this scumbag since when do I owe you any favors he’s disrespecting a Falone name and he’s making money off it which kind of makes me respect a guy Jee what the hell are you doing

Bony Che is about to go to work for industrial Light and tragic Teresa watch out it’s okay it’s okay Teresa’s fine yeah we’re going to need five more Canadians all right you [ __ ] how’d you steal my face whoa Che Falone what are you doing here here Andy Jimmy since

We’re playing The Name Game you mind telling us yours so we can put it on your Tombstone it’s me Enzo from Brooklyn I narrow it down a little I know like 50 Enzo from Brooklyn Enzo pistone I ran pistone’s piz atorium you guys ordered from me all the time why

You into personating Che ah it’s like this I always wanted to be a director in Hollywood but who’s going to hire a guy that smells like anchovies so take a shower when you guys disappear here I got an idea I moved to LA shaved my head slapped on a mustache and pretended to

Be cheich what are you insane white Che there’s no way I could pull off being you Jimmy I don’t smoke anyway I got a job as an adviser on mob movies they call me consult the hell do you know about being a good fell nothing I just tell him

Stuff I know from other mom movies b boom B Bing I’m I going to shoot you I’mma shootter you you do realize there’s a contract out on cheich so what I’m in Hollywood they’re great at keeping secrets especially once you join Scientology what’s this it’s a sweet gig

Jimmy I get free food they pay me in cash I got a fancy car to drive and a hotel room you wouldn’t believe congrats Enzo you just got some partners he had me at free food this is called a sand mandala it’s an exercise in the transitory nature of

Life I guess it’s pretty easy to impress them boobs mother why’d you do that now I got to start over Gina the picture is no longer a picture but the sand remains [Applause] sand pety you your freaking head this kindergarten crap ain’t going to cut it if we’re going to oppress these monks we got to do something big like a steak dinner and a couple of hookers all right Enzo here’s the deal me and cookie are going to spend a

Couple of nights here living in the laps of luxury and I’m going to live in your trailer I mean my trailer and where am I supposed to sleep they gave you a car didn’t they I’m above the line I can’t sleep in my car like uh some kind of

Teamster Ando don’t don’t kid yourself your days in Tinsel Town are numbered I saw a clip from this Flopper Oni Pizza you’re cooking up I’m I going to shoot to You don’t look at me it’s them hack Hollywood Riters [Applause] Hey This is so much fun I ain’t been this relaxed in months exploiting another human being for my own Amusement just melts the tension must be the Bell hop with the new bed took them long enough oh is that the guy whose car we hit with the TV n Canucks don’t shoot they just

Give you a respectful talking to I think Hollywood Enzo ratted us out why are we running you could have took that guy I left my gun in my pants like you need a gun true but I don’t fight naked learn that lesson from one nut Nuno turn around I don’t want the whole

World seeing your cans in my Saage Wa memory foam really works I’m still not tipping Him you tried to have me killed what are you talking about don’t act all innocent you little rat you called the mob on me didn’t you really why would I do that I might be a liar and a faker but I ain’t no backstabber if I was I’d already be

Directing movies well watch your back Francis frud cppa cuz someone’s after you a guy just shot up your hotel room time for me to make my exit if that guy went to the hotel he’ll probably go to my trailer next Che we got a warn Che oh no Che my uncle my friend my my bookie that Mo showed me 20 grand you happy now pizza guy you got my uncle killed sure he might have been a [ __ ] but he was my [ __ ] ah Jimmy there’ll be other morons you’ll see not

Like CH there won’t when they made him they broke the mold probably in shame but still I swear to God if I had my gun I’d shoot you but as it stands I got to choke you I don’t know about got what did he do stay out of this che

Che I thought you was dead dead ah I just went up for some chewing gum and condoms Canadian gum tastes like rubber myON my girls they were all in there candy Sherry Britney and Ethel poor Ethel she was ugly Jimmy but willing so Willing it’s true my little sister is The Reincarnation of the Bali llama that’s M Bali llama to you how did you do that Gina you can’t fool those monks you’re either the llama or you’re not when them guys get here keep your mouth shut or the queen of pieace is going to cut

You Jimmy we need to call mul no way mul’s been on my case and I don’t want to rock the boat I can handle this but what if the Hitman recognized us at the hotel it was dark we was naked trust me he wasn’t looking at our faces I think I’m going

To go back to LA to focus on my directing career if I ever get a movie mate I’ll invite you all to the premiere I’ll need a plus four eel and the girls are going to need some cheering up when they get out of the burn Ward you ain’t

Going nowhere you’re laying low here until we’re sure that hitman’s out of town and the kid should stay home too Teresa she’s at work James Cameron gave her a lift nice guy drives a Submarine oo pretty stop moving stupid necklace funny whenever I’m in this position there’s a necklace Involved hello um daddy there’s a man here who says he’s going to shoot me unless you and cheich give yourselves up oh and did you know there’s a guy on this movie named cheich Falone weird huh you tell that son of a [ __ ] not to lay a finger on you hurry daddy he’s

Treating me real brutal what did he do to you he took away my chair and won’t give me a latte man that kid’s really gone Hollywood if bullets start flying cheat you hit the deck Enzo you’re my human shield okay wait what it means he trusts

You whatever it is mul I don’t have time there’s been a number of incidents Jimmy a hotel shooting an explosion on a movie set please tell me you’re not involved Define involved so instead of reporting the possible breach of security you exploit the situation for some cheap thrills and

Free foood don’t forget the free foood I have to call in the special Tactical Team this is going to cost thousands Jimmy I am so angry with you I could jeez I thought Canadians were supposed to be nice and you can kiss witness protection goodbye even if we get the Hitman every

Good good fell in North America will be gunning for you or will they gentlemen I got an Idea and spit it out scorey Jimmy first rule of dirting dramatic tension all right I don’t get It the high priests apologize the vision was mistaken no the vision was right I’m the freaking bully llama I swear to God you guys believe in God right cuz I’m him her it you need a Mint stupid girl you’re not the poly llama you’re the embodiment of evil ah a 30-year vow of silence down the crapper no what did I do I hope you get reincarnated as a tapeworm in a starving donkey Gina look they had the right Vision but the wrong address should we

Tell him to come back nah [ __ ] that Guy hi Daddy hi honey we’ll have you out of there in a minute he say to drop your guns first he let you go guns first why don’t he just tell us himself he’s self-conscious about his accent and he likes my perfume wait I believe this is the the

Man you’re looking for you were sent here to kill cheich Falone and this is cheich Falone you bastard you got my best friend killed again so what you morons ruined the perfectly good scam I had going I’m going to shoot You They are all Dead Enzo you might be a terrible technical adviser but you are one hell of a director thanks Jimmy looks like we’re in the clear the mob thinks you’re dead and I didn’t have to report anything all’s well that ends well what about me I took a real bullet yeah but

You had a bullet proest I took it off it was clammy pistone Productions what really oh no way thanks I just got off of a directing gig on a Canadian movie congrats pal good luck we should probably take him in he knows too much about us no need Jimmy

He’s directing a Canadian film he’ll never be heard from again which SS a button again all right there it is hey how you doing I’m Chief Falone well mcdou I got the Alias and witness protection because of my nephew Jimmy I don’t like it but I had no

Choice so there’s a contract out on me big deal I mean maybe I spilled a few secrets to anyone who listened but there’s a lot of other Secrets I’d never tell a soul like the fact that we faked the moon landing we were the ones that shot Dick Cheney’s friend in the face

And we took the weapons of mass distraction out of Iraq someone got the memo wrong but still us so anyway my nephew’s going to straighten things out with Don gambini whose first name oddly enough is Don so if he wanted he could call himself don don which I would do I

Mean how cool would that be cheich don’t mean no harm he’s just a little light in a cranial region I got nothing to worry about Jimmy will get me off the hook Maron D’s a pancake then the mob tried to kill us Jimmy ratted everyone

Out to the feds and we wound up in Regina vagina no wait you were right but if you think that’s going to stop me from shoot my mouth off you can just what is it I forget what it is forget about it that’s the one let me tell you

Something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle Che it take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor Suite wasn’t much alone till the M want

Him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about

It 1 2 3 4 I declare a thumb war okay 12 nothing hey Ma I just saw a peety upstairs with one of their magazines where nobody’s got no clothes on what Peter ramp McDougall you stop right now no son of mine is washing with the devil’s hands so all right that

Worked she’s gone listen up I got to line on something big really sounds big first things first every time I hatch a scheme you two gavones cut me out not this time either I’m in all the way or I keep this to myself isn’t she cute

Playing hot ball like her old man okay it’s a deal sweetie all right you know alapo eh only the architect of modern crime I love his work truly an inspiration well he ran a bootlegging operation from a town near here he dug all these tunnels to hide from the cops

And that’s where his famous secret vault is you kidding me what’s this town called moose look Gina there’s no town called Moosejaw it’s just a crazy madeup name like Albuquerque what do you know the kids on to something there’s one thing I don’t get what’s that fractions Jimmy I never understood fraction Actions hey Anna what’s wrong I’m just feeling down cuz no one ever asks me out how do I get someone to ask me out sorry I have no frame of reference of course not you can get any guy you want without even trying heck I even get guys I don’t

Want without even yamah Hama who’s that oh his name is Johnny can’t talk lusting okay bye hey hello is somebody there there sure is I’m Teresa Teresa from Mr Henderson’s class you shown up twice in getting straight A’s guilty is charged want to Frisk me no thanks what’s wrong

With you I’m hot are you blind or something hello oh thank God you can’t see I thought it was me yep lucky you how about you and I uh this is weird I usually seal the deal with hay sorry no offense but I like women with brains ideas something

Going on upstairs come on over to my house we’ll get something going on upstairs oh so it’s not enough you blind people get all the best parking now you think you’re too good for me well I’m too good for you mister oh my kidding I am so in

Love I’m starting to enjoy these clandestine meetings Jimmy the subterfuge the Intrigue the covertness of it all me too and by the way if cookie ever asks we meet here every night anyway I need permission to go out of town impossible your witness protection agreement strictly forbids it

But it’s really important important how so um all right I’ll level with you cheich built himself a rocket he’s always been a what do you call it amateur rocket Rocketeer yes so he was going to go out to the woods and launch the thing we don’t want to do it in the

City and blow our cover James McDougall I know you well enough to know when you’re telling a lie and frankly this one is a doozy all right you got me we just want to go to Moosejaw we hear the tacos are pretty good Moosejaw that’s hardly out of town it’s just down the

Road practically a suburb permission granted for Canada and naming cities when you’re drunk what are you doing I’m in love with the blind guy so I’m trying to learn sign language uh but it’s useless I should just forget about him he only dates smart girls I faked a lot of things in

My life but never smart all right pety I searched your room the attic and the garage where’s the pornography mother I don’t have any pornography don’t give me that if you’ve got porn you’re a pervert and if you don’t have porn then why the hell don’t you have porn because boys

Your age have porn that’s not to say I don’t know my way around a woman’s body ew what I don’t get is how the kid knows where Capone’s vault is I told you I’m only doing out information on a need to know basis this kid she kills me Al

Capone’s tunnels I’m impressed and I’m not easily impressed hey look cows what cows Wa Would you look at that cows Jimmy look Jimmy just being in the same place Al Capone hung out has got me all excited I’ve been excited since we pulled out of vagina yeah me too so

Let’s get to it already crack open a sewer cover let’s find them tunnels tree please all right we’re in all right you mugs I’m your tour guide see you do as I say see one wrong move and you get it see what is this Punk dinky is ordering us around take it

Easy it’s part of the show let’s start the tour see this way to Al Capone’s tunnels see if he says see again I’m blowing his head off did Capone dig these tunnels himself no they were dug by Chinese immigrants working under terrible conditions terrible I tells you

Did the Chinese then use these tunnels to deliver food pull back the Bol should be somewhere around here again how does she know all of this shut your pie hole and make yourself useful Pap careful my soft spot it’s this one for the last time how

The hell does she know all of this Al Capone’s treasure get ready to be rich wa it’s actually Al Capone this is unbelievable that’s it that’s the treasure what a rip off we got go through all this trouble and what do we get jewels Cash Gold now

A stinking Al Capon hey a little respect for a dead homie oh my God you’re alive oh my God you’re fat hey is that nice I thought we were having a state in the obvious contest who the heck are you mugs I’m Jimmy this is my uncle Che I’m your

Biggest Jimmy Mr Uncle I’m Gina I’m the one who sprung you you’re a legend to us gangsters everywhere Mr Capone thanks what you call me Al sure fellas we back in business uh the short answer is no the word no makes me shower Jimmy give me the long answer well foradas it’s the

21st century you pulling my leg I got into that Contraption in 1932 I was facing Hard Times see one day my associate Frank Nitty found a hobo who looked just like me it was like looking in a mirror see so I offered him a thousand beans to do my time for me this

Egghead who made booze for me and invented a freezing machine he wanted to use it to freeze catsup but I had another idea th me when they pared a hobo I wonder what happened to that fell so you two are gangsters eh I could use a couple of mugs like you I’m going

To start over see you two are getting in on the ground floor it’s a second coming of Al Capone how does two grand a year sound really you want us to work for you you’re Dar tooting first things first we we got to find a supplier for our

Whiskey uh booze is legal now they repealed prohibition damn that Roosevelt he’ll get here well they’re still gambling girls all s rackets stick with me boys and know what I’m doing you are 11 km from Regina this gal sounds like a real dish thanks little lady what do you

Say we meet up over Manhattan and I’ll tell you a thing or two prepare to exit right fine be that way boy 21st century damn sure can’t give it a high hat Your face feels very handsome Teresa I’m supposed to do that to see what you look like oh right what’s your finger reading Shakespeare Shakespeare born in Stratford on Avon you know that’s where makeup comes from Teresa look I’m flattered but when it comes to girls it’s what’s inside that counts I don’t

Care about looks oh my God you’re into fat chicks I’m sorry oh yeah well as a saying goes turn me down once shame on me turn me down twice go to hell ladies and gentlemen girls and boys I present to you Mr Al Capone nice to meet you Mr Capone I’m

Bonnie and this is qu over there is Amia a something tells me she’s giving me the business let’s break out the Good China before John Dillinger gets here I am so sorry about that Al hey if I weren’t me I wouldn’t believe I was Al Capone

Either now be a doll and fix me a gimlet will you I have no idea what a gimlet is well kid once we’re back in business I’ll teach you to mix a hundred different drinks you’d also make a good cigarette girl I ain’t going to be no

Girl in short skirts for nobody I got bigger plans you got Moxy kid all right I’ll find some something for you in the organization stick with me and you’ll be charie potatoes now you’re talking my language here have a beer beer in a can how do you like that how do you open

This thing can you believe this we’re going to work for Al Capone you think the mounty will let us do that we don’t need him we’ll be big shots in the new Capone organization we’ll be on opposite sides of the L like nature intended oh wait we can’t work for Capone he’ll find

Out I was a rat and he’ll deal with me the Chicago way well what does that mean he’s going to kill you with a lot of wind I’m talking to baseball bat to the head he can’t ever know and the only way to make sure he never finds out is to

Tell him we can’t work for him damn come on Jimmy he’s a standup guy if he runs a straight from you he’ll respect your honesty have I ever steered you wrong how can you even say that with a straight face what’s wrong blind boy is treating me like a

Stereotype he can’t see how hot I am so he thinks this should be more to me I said duh you just need eyes then he got all mad stormed off and fell into a fountain for starters maybe you should stop calling him blind boy okay fine but

How do I snare this blind Bo I mean [ __ ] first go back to Blind boy second stop trying to act smart stop acting anything just be yourself I don’t know what that means well if you don’t know how’s he supposed to know I found this in the bathroom tell me

Something pety when Jesus comes back do you want him to see you abusing your body like that do you want a lord and savior standing over you while you’re slapping the salami like some kind of depraved zoo monkey Mom it isn’t you expect me to believe that do you well

Just know this whenever you think you’re alone Mama’s watching that won’t cause problems later in life all right Jimmy if we’re going to run a 21st century business I need to learn your 21st century is Mouse show me something listen Al there’s something I got to tell you what’s this it’s a

Cellular telephone but Al telephone how do you like them apples operator get me clondike 821 hello hello that’s screwy Dame sleeping on the job Al I really got it look at that you got moving pictures in your living room it’s called a television but who’s a color kid talking

He’s the president of the United States I like you Jimmy you make me laugh look Al I got to tell you something cheich and me we thw it over and we can’t work for you come on Jimmy you can’t back out now I need you it’s

Just that I done some terrible things we all done terrible things that’s what makes us so good at our jobs no but this one’s really really bad even you wouldn’t approve come on Jimmy you think I didn’t do stuff I wasn’t proud of I

Once shot my Bosch’s dog I had to I shot my Bosch and the PO on a whole thing now come on tell your Uncle Al what you did well promise you won’t get mad I give you my word you no good stool pitching you gave

Me your word I don’t got to keep my word to you she you’re a squealing little Squealer you low down rat not the words I choose but yes but you said you needed me Al you call me Mr Capone there’s rules in this rcking you broke them she

Damn it Mr Capone come on don’t do this go ahead and shoot cuz I won’t rest until you pay for what you done I can’t do it then I’ll be back for blood uh your blood yeah no I got it hey Jimmy don’t sneak up on me like

That it’s just me what do you mean just me did he tell you to say that what’s wrong with you Al Capone’s triy to kill me Jimmy I put up with a lot but give me a break that guy is not Al Capone yes he is we went through R’s tunnels in this

Other city and found him cryptomic Frozen what you went out of town and he didn’t take me where’s Uncle L he’s not your uncle but if you see him coming whistle twice and throw Che in front of me Gina switch seats I want my back against the wall pop that was a car

Backfiring sounded like a shot I know the difference look pop for the record if it comes down to it I’m unon side I don’t blame you kid with me out of the way you’re going to need a f figure Jimmy this can’t go one you’re hiding it

Like a little girl no offense Gina up yours you’re intimidated by the fact that he’s a legend think of him as just a guy who puts on his underwear one hole at a time you’re right he’s just a guy I can take just one guy Howell I could

Take 10 guys in a fight I want to be clear on That That’s an interesting outfit Jimmy you hear that what what is it it’s too quiet I don’t like this what are you talking about [Applause] a just needed a city map check out the water slide it’s a lot of fun eat up men there’s plenty more where

This came from boy this is the best barbecue sauce I’ve ever eaten who made it I did I got the recipe from barbecue Bild what’s in it what’s in it why I’ll tell you the recipe when barbecue Bill left the mounties he handed it down to

Me a little of this a little of that a piece of old chew a part of a hat mix together and eat your F sad old barbecue be who could this be from you got to help me mul someone’s trying to kill me my God who Al

Capone I left my mounty barbecue for this I’m serious we found him underground in mraw in a big block of ice now he’s out there stalking me and he wants my blood this isn’t indeed serious we must get you to safety before Al Capone finds you and does his worst

There there Jimmy we’ll find a safe haven for you thanks mol I know I could count on you Knuck you can’t lock me up he’ll get to me in here Nothing Stops this guy this is for your own good Jimmy obviously the strain of relocation has gotten to you

The doctor assures me that a strenuous regimen of enemas and testicular electroshock will put you right in no times yo no one zapping my boys you’re too far gone to realize it but I am your friend and I will see you through this pipe in some Kenny G to soothe the poor man

No we need to talk Teresa please put down your bumpy book I got something to say all right what is it you right about me the truth is I don’t know who I am I look to other people people to Define myself like some crazy oneway mirror and

I’m always afraid that if I don’t live up to what they want me to be they’ll ignore me or not pay any attention to me at all wow underneath the makeup the fashion the unbridled sexuality you’re just a scared little girl and you’re the first boy I’ve ever met who wants to

Know that girl oh Teresa come here yamah Hama who’s that Doc I’m fine as Saye as they come now you got to let me out of here all right Jimmy boy you Outsmarted yeah come with me if you want to live I thought you was on Capone’s team what am I going to do you’re my pops besides Capone’s broke he’s a schmuck n she got to help me someone’s trying to kill me oh crap I got an apple

To peel with you buer Al be reasonable I’m wearing a dress reason went out the window days ago we have a code Shane you broke that code hold on according to the code if someone saves your life hold on I got it right here if someone saves

Your life you have to re REO sound it out honey reate it means never try to kill them let me see that well what do you know can’t argue with the code well I guess we’re even put it there py thanks a lot Al let’s dust out of

Here I guess this is where we part ways but what will we do where where will you go every time there’s a buck to be made for illegal Hooch I’ll be there every time a lonely young girl comes to the big city for the first time I’ll be

There to force her into prostitution every time a truck leaves a warehouse full of valuables by God Jimmy I’ll be there bye uncle Capone so long El come now Jimmy we’ve got to make you sane doctor fire up the electroshock room Jimmy drop your pants

Remember me back in the old life I was a mob wife when Mob Wives had to we rolled up our sleeveless blouses and helped out with the family business like when Jimmy’s crew got pinched after a museum job cuz cheich left a DNA sample all over nef’s boss all right Gloria’s

Collecting protection money Mia’s intimidating a witness and Frenchie’s cutting hair one with Parmesan cheese best smack in the city so what do we do chick flicks this ain’t girls night out out you lazy bum then Gloria hauls in stinky laroo a notorious rat Jimmy wanted

Gone but there was a problem ah I can’t do it I can’t get blood all over this pants suit don’t look at me I just had these nails done I ate washing no skull fragments out of my new Roots I was almost going to let that scumbag go but

I had an idea all right nuts before we do this you’re going to sit here with us and watch a movie ooh the Vanilla Lace teac cozy 90 minutes of awkward English people stammering about the Feelings who wants popcorn I don’t know cook even for the mob death by chick-flick is a little cruel and unusual but no one in the family ever red again yeah right and we’re going rejin on freaking holidays if you think Canada is going to going to make me any less cruel and unusual

Forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the cppo with gambini but when he found out that they’ be whacking Uncle Che he take the boss he threw him from the 19 floor site wasn’t much alone

Till the M all went in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a fwn so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about

It how about this one I already got to tell your brother to tuck in his shirt I ain’t telling you to tuck in your privates my clothes express my individuality stop trying to census me how about this it says Material Girl with a hint of like a virgin what the

Hell are you talking about you know myonna Lady Gaga’s grandma if we weren’t in public I’d smack you right in your stupid mouth teen troubles cookie oh hey Annabelle you know how it is with teenagers can’t live with them can’t drown them in the river well we can’t

All be super parents how do they fit darling like I’m wearing Miracles mother what’s with Billy Elliot over there that’s my son Donnie he’s testing a pair of dance pants for this year’s reina’s Got Talent competition Regina’s Got Talent it’s a Performing Arts Contest no I’m asking Regina’s Got Talent yes and

My Donnie’s won three years in a row right Superstar ain’t you two a pair more like a team it’s amazing what happens when you don’t threaten your children with abuse hey me and Teresa are a team too well Twinkie your teammate just abandoned you Teresa get back here right

Now or so help me I’ll hug you so hard why do you want me to sign up for a talent show Ma I thought about what you said in the store you were right about expressing your individuality and this is a great way to do it so it’s a wet

T-shirt contest you got a beautiful singing voice Teresa and I want you to share it with the world my nose is crying I’m not used to you saying nice things about me well get used to it teammate cuz you deserve it take it easy easy ma who knows what’s

In that blood Jimmy what are you doing here Regina tourism sponsors this event so I got to sit here and sign up all the wannabes and losers well Teresa’s signing up did I say losers I meant shining stars of tomorrow you guys are the best you’re talented too Gina but this contest ain’t

For you pop I got no intention of entering Regina’s got [ __ ] well that’s good cuz you can’t what do you mean can’t age limit’s 10 and over you’re too young so you can’t can’t can’t can’t can’t let it go Gina there’s some things you can’t do but this ain’t one of them can’t

Can’t can’t shut up now mol just cuz my daughter’s in this I don’t want you showing any favoritism unless you’re open to that in which case I can make it worth your while do you know why I’ve been asked to judge this contest 3 years in a row

Jimmy cuz no one else will do it and my Integrity I am unbribable I’m always the bribes made never the bribe Toby for Jimmy Toby for Jimmy hey Toby what’s up Toby for Jimmy come in Jimmy go for Jimmy oh there you are aren’t these headsets amazing anyway I

Have terrible news turns out Dick Clark is dead we need a new MC did someone say MC have you ever MC before Uncle Che I certainly have young lady if any of you’s got any allergies whip out your epipens cuz here comes peanut butter [Applause] cookie sorry I’m late I had to finish

The word parts for my first number number it’s like the one I sang at Uncle Luigi’s thing remember he’s shaking his ass just as a KNE it’s nonstop booty just don’t tell his wife shake it shake it shake it shake it at Club after life yeah

Yeah wait till they hear my new song labia of Love Teresa honey the judges want to hear Classics then I’ll sing one of my classy ballads like angel with the fake tits you cried when I sang it at Christina’s communion we all did honey but if you want to make it past the

First round you got to keep things wholesome okay I’ll try but let’s not go overboard of course not now tape down your boobs and put on this nun’s outfit now help us forget the human pretzel practically licking his own balls here’s our next that goo and Eniro Pete now

Remember I’m not your sister I’m a dog you you sure are thanks for encouraging me to do this my unique brand of edutainment is just what the people need shut the up we’re on hey G doll do you know why the ecosystem is in so much trouble because the owners of big

Factories are a bunch of dummies just like me talk about an osystem remember everyone think globally act joky theisms quite impressive but the materials atrocious bring back the ball Liquor it’s only 60 lb cuz you’ll have a great old time at the good old B stay neutral o chup stay neutral looks like Teresa might make it through to the next round and it looks like you might be crapping your pants well get ready to

Eat it next up we got a three-time winner a Onan dance Mar and a true patriot let’s give a warm vagina welcome to Donnie Westminster [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] this kid’s freaking amazing makes that nun’s routine look like a bowl of piss that nun was Teresa oh sorry this kid makes Teresa look like a bowl of piss you want us to fix the talent contest not the whole contest just that freaking Donnie he’s unbeatable then I guess we’ll have to

Beat some beatable into him anyone asks I’ve been here all day you have been here all day exactly cook I’m not hurting a kid over a contest unless there’s a cash prize how much we talking it’s a trophy and bragging rights what am I an amateur and trust me no one in

That show’s going to do any bragging especially that boring none she’s next on my list cook that’s Teresa you want to end this contest or not okay forget it I guess I’ll just have to be a better mother and put way more pressure on Teresa everywhere that Mary went the

Lamb was sure to go stay on the high not the high note I don’t believe the Lamb’s following Mary convince me visualize your goals react ify your happy tude you’re just making those words up don’t talk back to your life coach muffin talk this is UN excuse my language freaking

Acceptable mother why didn’t you hire me a life coach I I never never wanted me to win obviously G I’m getting flushed fan Donnie you had nothing to worry about out too dry Spritz are you trying to drown me Donnie calm down Teresa’s good but you’re

Better I guess I’m going to have to handle this because you’re more useless than a donated appendix oh Donnie fly like a dove it’s a lady of Love hey we agreed no original songs but I’m almost done writing it I just needs something that rhymes with reach around

Do you want to win this thing or not original songs eh that gives me an idea go get the car Annabelle in 5 6 7 8 God help you if I get to 10 we barely squeaked into this round Gina so we really have to nail it don’t

Forget be the message what think pety folks if you need to use the crapper now’s a good time cuz it’ll smell better better than this next ACT I hate this guy by the way I changed on name oh it’s nice you’re getting involved please welcome little G that’s fun and Dick

Poot Gina uh okay hey little G tell us what you know about fracking that’s when you dig a hole in the backyard and fart in it then this cracking loser shoves his head in and sniffs right to the kisser Jokes Aside um do you know the

Size of your carbon footprint little g 2 in just like your dick Jina cut it out yes um carbon emissions should be on everyone’s Minds along with the polar ice caps yes thank you do you know why the ice caps are melting cuz you jerk off in the shower dick Parts getting [Applause] Served so why did you ask me out Donnie I like you Teresa you’re a good kid and I want to give you some advice about the biz nasty I got it directly from alucino acting coach’s website wow you are connected oh yeah I’ve slept my way around the entertainment block

Sweetheart had my fair share of mouthy VTS VTS oh vagina touches so naive Donnie have you ever actually been with a girl are you kidding any more Tangy poon for me and my g-spots just going to fall right off what part of this is the advice this part if you want to stand

Out from the crowd you need to do something original you mean like an original song yes so but who has those right I I do I write my own songs you do and your you’re not singing them um are you trying to lose but I promised ma I’d

Wait until I won waiting’s for tables baby speaking of which who do I got to blow Jam to get another Shake around here pety we always laugh at you but who knew you had real comedy chops when that creepy troll doll accused you of clear

Cutting the cheese oh my ribs py my ribs Jina you should have seen this kid he’s a natural yeah but his material is a little highbrow for Gina here now let’s not forget about the environmental message I’m an edutainer first and foremost the reviewer says you’ve redefined the fart of self-deprecating

Humor with refreshing Brilliance um I Heard the dummy’s pretty hilarious too yeah but without py there’s no act it’s just a hideous little puppet creepiest thing I ever seen what’s the G stand for anyway grotesque I thought it was just God help me no it stands for guys look what just fell out

Of my ass now that we eliminated all the rip rat it’s time to hit the snooze button for the officer of entertainment Teresa moua it’s super drama fragle rck spaghetti is delicious forget that crap Regina makes a noise clap your hands come on a a yeah this is a Teresa McDougall original

Christmas Jam it’s called bust your Chestnut on an open fire there’s a super cool guy made of big snowballs and he’s having a bush party for all y’alls Frosty’s his name and be a chill is his game I don’t know what’s sadder how hard you tried or how badly she’s

Failing so get your butts to the bonfire this is a race he’s going to bust some Christmas cheer all over your face snip my for skin and color me Jewish because Christmas is dead to me relax Ma I made it through to the next round didn’t I only by the skinni

Of teeth thanks to that humpy dog act getting disqualified Toby for security Toby for security where are you Jimmy who the hell told you to do your own song Donnie he told me to be original Teresa Falcone you got played my song got played and once I find a

Rhyme for reach around I’mma be dropping another sound bomb yo now the only way we’ll beat Annabelle is if Donnie gets kneecapped so that’s why you made me enter this to beat Donnie’s mom who’s playing who Ma I wasn’t playing you I was encouraging You by making me dress

Like a nun and sing about baseball you were a nun trying to keep orphans off drugs by getting them into sports it’s called a backstory Teresa you know what you’re in this for you not for me Teresa wait ah balls you’re welcome mother once again I solved the problem now can you

Handle getting me a smoothie or is that too much for you you dried up old cow oh and I’m going to need a new phone because this one’s broken I freaking hate other people’s kids kickball change in a funky hips I on the prize I on the prize no no no no

No who’s a bad boy that’s me who’s a bad boy that’s me how do girls pee who knows do the running man go Donnie go Donnie it’s about time you best have my smoothie hey who who are you no no No are you ready little G what do I know I’m just a dummy dick say little G I bet you have something funny to say about me and the terrible effects of nanop pollution little G Do you have a frog in your throat speaking of which frogs in mountainous

Areas are most affected by climate change what do you think about that little G make the TR talk come on say something yeah make the gargoyle emasculate you I’m a gargo this from a guy with a baboon’s ass for a face this old McDonald know you left the farm you [ __ ]

Donkey hey mcole a short says pardon me pardon me oh oh I see what you did hey everyone the gremlin called me a sh stop the show look who I found out by the dumpster Donnie I’ve been knee banged calm down everyone I’m a police officer I’ll get to the bottom of this

Donnie tell us who banged you I was out back waiting forever for my mother to bring me my smoothie when someone ran up and hit me right in my knee my dancing knee did you recognize the asent he was wearing a mask you mean she was wearing a mask how could you

Ma yeah how could you I had dips me I had nothing to do with this admittedly fortunate turn of events oh right so when you said the only way I’d win is if Donnie got kneecapped you were being psychic oh my God ma are you psychic

She’s a witch is someone going to call an ambulance cookie I’m afraid I’m going to have to inquire as to your wear of shart so good anyway where were you when this happened I was nowhere near Donnie I was backstage working on Teresa’s song I even found the rhyme you were looking

For just reach around and make a happy sound huh why did you finish my song for me Donnie may have been playing you but he was right you got to be yourself stop upstaging me it’s my time to shine mine none of this would have happened were it

Not for the incompetent shrew who birthed me Donnie don’t shut your kale hole if you’d have been there on time with my smoothie you could have taken the hit for me but you didn’t why because you’re a selfish greedy evil a fine it was me and I would have

Got away with it if I didn’t just hit him again in front of everyone damn it kneecapping your own kid that [ __ ] is cold I’ll tell you what’s cold Diva Donnie making me walk beside the car on the way home from his singing lessons in the dead of winter because I was taking

Up too much oxygen oh I could go on he’s a monster mother how could you oh shut up you [ __ ] drama queen you know we may not have the best relationship but at least we’re not these clowns I love you I love you too Bob a now you got my

Nose crying not so fast Madam a real crime has been committed I have no choice but to arrest oh the results are in this year’s winner of Regina’s Got Talent is Dick fart and little G what who little dick and G fought you said I was too young to enter

But I did and I won take that you [ __ ] pok’s Revenge it’s alive run run for alive but Canada where even the most heroic must sometimes flee a terror oh so everyone gets a shot but cheich it’s my my turn kid finally it’s about freaking time I

Get to tell my story in case you’re de blind or not into smoking hot chicks I’m Teresa Falcone when I was younger I used to love bring your daughter to work day the guys at Dad’s work was so much fun there was Frankie no fingers such a

Clutch but boy could he thumb wrestle and Johnny calculator used to help me with my counting homework see Teresa x – yal Z I’m supposed to be doing math not spelling and Freddy Chuckles was always good for a laugh hey Teresa smell my flower oh look I’m all Wet Teresa get in a car I never saw those guys again now that we’re living in Regina I really miss the guys from Pops work whatever happened to them nothing they just got froze out of the business what was that Daddy nothing forget about it but you just said yeah I

Said forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle G it take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor

Suite wasn’t much along till the M want him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about it

Forget about it oh forget about it anything yet little more all right that’s perfect gangster TV all gangsters all the time good job kid now get down here but be careful it’s slippery what’s all the racket yeah I can barely hear myself think what was I thinking about

Oh yeah boobs everybody get in here I’m going to be on TV you’re going to be on TV it’s like I’m living with John stamus over here I never been on TV before unless they were calling me a possible suspect or alleged perpetrator it made me so proud Jimmy you think they get

Bobby dairo to play you or someone sexy like that froggy face guy from aosmith she’s a guy I’ve been whacking off to him for years no it’s a documentary I’ll be playing myself next on gangster TV Jimmy Falcone Diary of a dirty snitch what Jimmy Falcone was a cappo in the

Gambini crime family until this self-serving scumbag killed his boss and sold out his mob cronies sold out the feds never paid me a red Cent every gutter King needs his Queen so Jimmy married former stripper cookie to fio this good time Floy latched on to Jimmy like a pitbull on a trailer park Toddler how the hell they get a video of me stripping so that’s where that tape wound up but Jimmy had a fatal flaw who went by the name of Che an idiot Manchild who bumbling almost got them all killed can’t argue there I can’t watch anymore hey made us look like

Scumbags hey it wasn’t so bad they got our names right ah who am I kidding it was a smear job we weren’t scumbags were we Jimmy Remember The Classy people who used to come by the house Joey dirt bag Larry the pimp Holly the pornographer back home we was like royalty a you’ll

Always be royalty to me cook now come on let’s go fish the dead rats out of the septic tank a that’s for calling me a men child g i we that juice box big news from student council president py Wayne Gretzky High has sponsored an endangered polar bear after

Global warming tragically melted his Ice Flow blumpkin was forced to swim for 5 months no home no food no hope for the F quit it I’m trying to make a speech here but no longer because our money will help plumpkin find a new new flow hey did you slash the prom committee budget

To pay for this poodle bear not yet I haven’t well you better not we have a big wish list this year glad to see we’re being reasonable pety McDougall sign here ooh I love big packages and that’s why you’re going to prom alone holy crap py you didn’t sponsor it you bought

It ew that teddy bear stinks that’s not the Bear attention everyone I have a very important announcement so I need everyone’s undivided attention please listen carefully to every word I say who do those Gangsta TV gavones think they are I’d like to go over there and teach them a lesson they won’t forget that tupid hack job you showed

About my family made my wife cry now say hello to my little friend they’ll never see that one coming uh Jimmy did you get all that what oh sure sure every last spit so your clear will be hosting a VIP yep VIP most valuable player got it Jimmy you kid her

It’s very important person for security reasons we will only refer to the VIP by their secret code name spotted dick I need you to get in touch with spotted Dick’s people and tell them where the dinner is okay say is this VIP important enough that if they was to come to

Dinner my wife would be impressed oh she’d be more than impressed Jimmy upet how you doing Jimmy McDougall from vagina tourism tell spotty dick the dinner at 123 Jim Carrey Lane and tell the VIP it’s Bob B F guess what flowers what are you bringing me flowers for who’d you sleep

With I’ll kill her then I’ll kill you then I’ll Mount both your heads on Stakes to teach the kids what we do with cheetus sorry Jimmy I’m still upset about that stupid movie well I got just the thing we’re having a VIP over for dinner just like the good old days a

Jimmy what’s the matter with you you invite someone for dinner you don’t tell me who the hell is this VIP anyway yes sir I’m here Jimmy guarding the dinner for spotted dick oh so mul knows about it why am I the last one to know anything around

Here why you getting so mad what’s the big Deal just a second hun okay the big deal is I haven’t clean there ain’t a thing in the fridge and look at me my hair’s a disaster don’t worry we’ll order in and your hair I don’t know what to tell you what the hell’s that supposed to mean

You’re saying I got bad hair Jimmy cookie shush stay out of this mol cook I didn’t say you got bad hair I just said you don’t got no time to do nothing about it oh so now I’m fat and lazy you believe this jag off oh cook relax why

You got to get so personal none of us is 22 anymore oh so now I’m old let me tell you something you fat sack of I beg your pardon what is this 123 Jim Cary Lane your majesty if I may your majest holy [ __ ] the VIP is the queen of

Freaking England your majesty my apologies you were given the wrong address now if you’ll just follow me nonsense officer I’m in the right place and I’d rather like to see how this turns out thanks for getting the old broad here in one piece let me give you the Royal tour

This is the grand fo you that’s the blue drawing room and the throne’s just down the hall if you need it be a pal and light a match when you’re done who ain’t that the broad on the 20 you are correct it is we you want to sign this for me

Andies cool what the hell are you still doing here what am I doing here the question of the day nay the question of the century is what is the queen doing here hey don’t look at me with a code name like spotted dick it could have been anyone in Hollywood Jimmy do you

Have any idea of the vast importance of this dinner Canada’s place in the Commonwealth of Nations rests on tonight speak American Jimmy do bad all right now we’re communicating Jimmy do bad how the Commonwealth is a collect of countries loyal to her majesty the queen you mean that old broad owns a whole

Collection of countries I don’t you think she dressed better yes you would but recent austerity measures have forced her to cut one nation from the Commonwealth word is it’s either going to be Canada or Tonga Tonga is that where they make the trucks no it’s a country in the South Pacific the odds

Are against us and you’re making them worse they have coconuts Jimmy coconuts telling me the Falcon aren’t good enough for some stuffy Queen H that’s exactly what I’m telling you at the very least try to be classy hey no problemo we got classy coming out the freaking wazo here I can’t believe the

Fate of Canada rests on what comes out of your Wazoo well blumin I think you’re a hit the kids all love you except maybe for Stumpy who should have known better than to get so close to your cage you’re feeding them baby seals what they were out of baby dolphins aren’t those expensive what about prom who cares about prom pumpkins on the

Endangered list horny teenagers are not you’re going to be endangered if you spend all the prom money there’s only one way to settle this President py will put it to a vote don’t worry blumkin the students will do the right thing after all who couldn’t love that face

Ew not that face the other one a drink fit for royalty what’s in it Crown Royal and Royal cooler it’s got to kick like a [ __ ] mule oh my perhaps we should cut cocktail hours short and go straight to dinner we will as soon as the pizza gets

Here Splendid we’ll just wait for the pizza yo Queen scooch down make room for The Uninvited Guest thank you officer ma’am Gina we got company maybe our guest would like to wear the pepperoni king crown what are you kidding pob she’s a queen she got plenty of crowns

Don’t you you heard your father young lady fine here throw it on the pile no no no one always waits for the queen to dine first sure sure this grab a slice it looks delicious but I rarely eat these events all right then more for me watch your [ __ ] manners in front

Of the queen so your harness you and James Bond you still keep in touch and uh how do I get me one of them licenses to kill there’s no such thing as a license to kill oh so they’d have you think Jesus pety you smell like a slaughterhouse I never thought I’d say

This but I had a long day bludgeoning seals who is this person this is my boy pety pety this here is the queen barbaric rituals such as blooding innocent seals cast a dim light on Canada’s future in the Commonwealth oh I’m sure it seems cruel to an entitled

Monarch like yourself but I got a polar bear to feed your irrelevance Jimmy a word no this evening is a total disaster you’re serving pizza py just insulted the queen and you’re not even wearing shoes how can I put this so you’ll understand say this was The Godfather

Which part cuz if you mean three I don’t want to talk about it Jimmy Focus think of the queen as veto coron and you’re Fredo holy crap so she’s like a Don Jimmy for Canada she’s the dawn of all Dawns whoa you think someone would have mentioned she’s a very important

Person Don Liz i’ just been informed of your importance to the organization and I want to offer my most Umble apologies you may rise look we’ve been acting like a bunch of morons why don’t we start over and I’ll show you how we entertain a person of your statue break out the

Graa Jimmy I don’t think this is a good idea these good people have opened their home to me and I would like to enjoy their Hospitality your majest enough of your blathering and hectoring Away with you you heard the broad away with you yes ma’am hello Tonga police are you accepting resumés Oh so your majesty will Prince Harry be joining us I don’t know my dear let me call him really certainly not got you my let me get this straight your family’s been in power for like a hundred years how’d you pull that off sometimes one must rule with an iron

Fist spoken like a true Tyrant spoken like a true noil Budd Iron Fist no fingerprints you sure you ain’t from Brooklyn what the hell happened last night I can’t feel my tongue I can’t hear you on account of all this pounding I got this nagging feeling something bad happened I got to tell you pop far as I’m concerned the Queen’s that kind of people oh crap the

Queen remember when gich and her did the lombata who knew she could go so low remember when she kned us the ceremony was a lot like getting made only more blood remember when she called up bucket ham Palace and told him to go screw themselves that she was evacuating

Su she didn’t say evacuating she said some other word she said abdicating it means she quits don’t you people [ __ ] read what’s that Gina talking my good here uh yeah hydrant did you quit peing the queen last night indeed I did last night’s of rri finally opened my eyes I

Wish to live out the rest of my days as a what do you call it again game a regular schnook precisely nice going Fredo hey maku hey hey the Queen of England is abdicating her throne and all you can say is hey what weird a you too many last night no good for you and now we’re on the verge of an international crisis she’s the queen she can’t just leave the royal family not until she

Dies wa she really is like Aon if word gets out that she’s here this house will be swarmed with news cameras I need you to take care of her until we can figure something out got it I’ll take care of her no Jimmy just keep her in the house

Keep her happy and above all keep her out of sight understood what’s that for looking after the dawn ain’t cheap keep it Coming why did I look why did I look ew you have a gentle touch James my pleasure you highball why did I look why did I look I Royal taster I got to tell you this ain’t good good Heavens James James oh so now sir Jimmy’s too good for my Cooking Jimmy what’s this you robbed the jewelry store what me nah the old bro’s got me polishing the jewels what like you ain’t thinking about it right now cut it out ah you’re no fun really cheich really no h andish get out of here come on she ain’t going to miss one

Little necklace yes she will now scram just let me try on one Jimmy no I’m responsible for these anything goes missing the queen said she’d locked me in a tower now you’re not even trying Che who is this Che of what you speak all right everybody out no one comes in this

Room just giving it the old spit Shine it’s time to vote all in favor of saving this most majestic and endangered creature raise their hands all in favor of saving prom this is bad what do I do what do I do sometimes one must rule with an iron fist Iron Fist Iron Fist Iron Fist you

Elected me to lead and lead I shall screw the prom I’m canceling it for your own good get him get out of here where’d you get pitchforks and torches violent revolution is very UNC Canadian People all right boys do your business I can’t believe this I went my whole life without having to clean up after a dog yeah look at the bright side at least it’s a small dog yeah keep smiling if you wasn’t so connected I put acking bullet in

You that’s it Liz I can’t do this no more whatever are you talking about James look I know you think living like a shnook is all good times but you got to get back to your old life before someone and I’m not naming any dogs gets

Hurt but for the first time in years I feel like I can breathe no schedules no International crisis no bucktooth politicians looking for a pat on the back from a substitute mother figure come on Lizzie the queen of freaking England you can snap your fingers and get room to breathe my subjects expect

So much of me James yeah well sometimes you got to make sacrifices for the good of great great or good yeah that’s a one look at me I gave up my whole life for the sake of my family no you didn’t you ran like a scared little snitch to save

Your red ass go to your room I’m already going snitch all I’m saying is sometimes you got to give the people what they want even if it means giving up what you want all right all right I’ll give them their goddamn prom get off my freaking

Back James your son appears to be angry and bleeding ah teenagers what are you going to do in any case thanks to your arousing speech I Have Decided to return to my Royal duties yes hello Tonga Police I’d like to cancel my interview tomorrow oh now you tell me the precinct

Has an ocean View going with prom was the right thing to do the optic theme’s a nice touch it was inspired by blumpkin besides Hawaiian luau is so overdone so what’s going to happen to blumpkin after tonight he’s going to live out his days at the Winnipeg zoo in an 8×10 cage with

All the anti-depressants he can handle but I thought you cared about him you wanted a prom you got a prom leave it at that in the meantime he really adds to the atmosphere don’t you Think up for a movie popcorn’s on Me I recently spent some time time with a delightful Canadian family the McDougal their Grace gentility and dare I say class reaffirms my commitment to keeping Canada firmly in the Commonwealth suck on those coconuts Tonga did you hear that Jimmy she said we was classy yeah but she said the

McDougall not the falones don’t worry the McDougall saved Canada what did the freaking falones do for us lately well they did get gangster TV booted off the air due to low ratings there’s still one tiny problem after the press conference the queen failed to show up at her hotel

Any idea where she could be Jimmy said you needed some Breathing Room how do you like them apples breathtaking that would be my ride thank you Franchesco and farewell give me a call will you yo Li you’re going to call me a what never mind oh well we’ll always have

Re how you doing I’m Jimmy Falone a former Mafia big shot in current Suburban schnook living in witness protection in Canada it wasn’t easy giving up to Old life my family and me was used to living a certain way looking a certain way and mostly talking a

Certain way and so I say Bing and he goes what’s the matter with your St people come on the sooner you learn how to speak Canadian the sooner we can send you to your new new home wait a minute they don’t have American cheese in Canada they do but it’s called processed

Cheese does it still taste like crap yes for the most part yes there’s no Cliff’s Notes up there how am I going to almost not fail my classes they’re called Cole’s notes but I’d recommend studying harder you’re cute wait a minute they call a garbage disposal a

Garburator yes that sounds sexy how come they don’t have Canadian bacon in Canada they call it back bacon what from the back end of the Pig why don’t they just call it ass bacon that might go good with that progress cheese I got a

Question do they call it a stick up or a hold up people it’s not that hard bathrooms are called washrooms whole milk is called wait this can’t be right it says here it’s called homo milk oh what kind of sick country you taking us to and who exactly milks these

Homos but we had no choice but to pick up this godforsaken language before they shipped us off to vagina vagina Saskatchewan where I’m still trying to learn my abzs but if you think just cuz we live in the Great White North we’re going to drink homo milk forget about it

Let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambie but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle Che it take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor Suite wasn’t much Al till

The M all went in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help him they could use him as a fun so he red out his friends and M catch you on forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about It I did it I recreated the universe all those Friday nights spent honing my math skills and letting my limbs atrophy have paid off time to discover once and for all the true nature of our world oh my God my shoes stop your SHO shoes aren’t

In there they’re on your feet I know but this is where they sleep besides with no shoes in it what’s so important about a stupid box because inside this box is an exact replica of all existence one glance and I will unravel the mysteries of creation and discover the true

Meaning of life yeah fine whatever just put it back in my room when you’re done and now the Moment of Truth wheel Over Steven Hawking wow this is amazing an endless fast expanse of nothing I mean I knew it would be that but but it’s just so darn

Big I’m just a speck this planet’s a speck I’m a speck on a speck on a speck at least you have legs a little pasta banz a nice some antiy and B Bing that raccoon’s going down why you got to waste a good meal just strangle it Jimmy get rid of that

Trap you know how py gets when we kill animals Humane this and do you have to slaughter them for fun that cook the boys got to learn we’re on top of the food chain cuz we evolved over hundreds of years before you say anything kid I’m telling you this Vermin has it coming

Don’t go eating my geraniums buddy I’m a man and I kill things what do I care if one little raccoon dies is when the universe is endless human endeavor pointless and life meaningless utterly meaningless well that was weird he didn’t even make me feel guilty which somehow makes me feel

Guilty I’ll just have two peas cuz I had a big glass of water for lunch why food won’t fill the void pety eat for God’s sake there are children starving right beside you so what we’re all just mites of dust with no reason to live whoa whoa

Whoa no reason to live what about the fat payday of a trifecta that’s worth living for a fendy bag and store credit scratching a real itchy body part and have you ever seen the tanned backside of a hot Brazilian nut I was going to say nut how

About your family aren’t we worth living for and you better say yes or I’ll kill you promise may God have mercy on your soul Peter Frampton Falcone nice try but there is no God what I’ve seen the universe mother and it’s a never ending desert of nothing God has left the

Building well if he’s leaving I should be allowed to leave do I have to finish my pee I know I just did oh wait there we go ah young Peter taking a kick at the can at the old kick at the can game brings back memories my father used to kick my

Can now don’t forget to recycle this why bother they’re just a bunch of random molecules ah nihilism existentialism ugly cousin but I defend your rights to your beliefs so all I can say is recycle or pay a fine for Canada where every day is Earth Day

Come in G can we talk I’m worried about pety I don’t know what’s wrong with him and I don’t know what’s wrong with me for suddenly caring what’s wrong with him Jimmy I tell you this every time you worry about the kid you get him drunk

You get him laid you’ll find the meaning of life I’m not sure that’s good parent in cheich you remember your first time sure her name was Sharon and she had the body of a goddess she needed help changing a flat tire and then she pulled your pants off and showed you the time

Of your life how did you know that cuz she was a [ __ ] oh not hor [ __ ] wh prostitute what your dad pter he told me all about it he was a tubby teenager who liked Broadway musicals he had to set you straight it’s true I haven’t listened to Miss Saigon

Since I can’t believe this Che I mean I think about that day with sharing a lot I mean a lot like just last night with Cookie and it’s not just the sex but how I woed her how I won her it gave me the confidence to do so many other things

Jeez Jimmy you’re not going to Father how could you betray me so Sharon how could you not let me know one more note and I swear to God I’ll put you out of your Misery oh Virgin Mary I don’t know what to do my dear sweet little boy is going to spend eternity in Hellfire because he doesn’t believe in God if there’s no God who knocked me up heyo I need your help he’s my my only son don’t tell me about

Sons mine totally diss me chose his father over me of course his dad did have that Delux apartment in the sky please Mary stay on topic and then he goes and gets himself caught up with that Apostle gang and literally throws his life away and for what uh mankind

Please what they ever do for him I wanted him to go to med school but he wanted to be a carpenter he could have been Dr Christ for Christ’s sake but no he wanted to make chairs o such a disappointment look Mary how about pety

You mean Peter he was no saint let me tell you he made a pass at me a Jesus’s B Mitzvah he had a thing for older women not many people know this but I am the original mil I’m talking about my boy pety how do I get him to start believing

In God again all right all right here’s what you do tell the kid to pray for something I’ll call the ex and make it happen you do that for me oh thank you so much no problem I got nothing going going today except lending my image to a

Piece of toast in nework then I’m wide open come on everybody time for church Jesus Christ Jimmy I’ve been in Canada for 6 months I got nothing to confess as you know I will not be joining you to worship your tin God fine

By me hey if he don’t got to go why do I got to go we got to get everybody out of the house pety don’t know it but I hired him a girl and she’ll be here any minute but you were so upset that your father

Did it for you yeah but I got to thinking about it in the shower and I came around ah church is for suckers no it’s fun I love going into the confessional and making the priests blush I like going in and punching them into Bojangles but not every week pety I’m

Trying to accept this whole not believing in God thing so does that mean you’ve canceled the exorcism no I already paid for the caterer just do me a favor pray one time if God doesn’t answer I’ll never bother you again indulge the woman who brought you into

This world so she doesn’t have to take you out is she really so naive as to think I can just get on my knees put my hands together and say I pray that a pretty girl shows up on my doorstep and it’ll happen religion is nothing but one big

Band-Aid on the scab of Life hi my car broke down and my cell phone’s dead can I come in and use your phone I can’t believe it God actually exist exists and he has the same taste as me yeah I don’t mind waiting auto club

I’m at a really cute guy’s house and his parents aren’t home how could this be I was certain there was only nothingness and then she appears God has spoken the auto club will be here in an hour exactly what should we do to kill the time this is

Amazing can you hang on I got to give thanks thanks I guess now it’s my turn to show gratitude for letting me wait here thanks Again no I can’t I must reject all sin okay so what are we going to do for the next 57 minutes um butock triple word score you have a very rich vocabulary I’m a big fan of 18th century erotic literature Brenda you’re amazing you’re the most fascinating player I’ve ever seen I

Can’t wait to see which exotic word you’ll put down next oh I’m not finished all right fio 1 2 4 5 7 8 10 double word score makes 20 and well that’s it for me I thought you were waiting for the auto club they’re taking too long I’ll just drive it to

The gas station then why did too many questions well can I see you again sure I can do 5 to 6 tomorrow or a quickie at 7:45 I’ll take both Praise Jesus hey Kido what’s with the smile I thought life was a big pile of junk it

Was the most amazing thing Pop I prayed for a beautiful woman to show up at the door and then just like that one did That’s My Boy and then what happened isn’t it obvious I found God I bet you did we played Scrabble and talked and talked and gazed into each other’s eyes

And talked some more and then she left pety if you pray to God for a pony and he sends you one you got to ride it you don’t challenge it to a board game pops I’ve never felt this way about anyone this weekend I’m taking her to a

Church picnic and a scavenger hunt followed by a screening of Return of the King director’s cut 13 hours of G-rated Bliss 13 hours at 1,000 bucks an hour that’s [ __ ] I have distressing news Jimmy yesterday I noticed a car parked up outside your house I ran the plates

And well it belongs to a known prostitute what a prostitute’s not allowed to park her car she knocked on your door a prostitute can’t knock on her door and she went inside with only py at home a prostitute can’t solicit my son okay I’ll give you that one

Soliciting sex is illegal Jimmy and that’s against the rules okay mcole here’s the thing yes I hired a girl for py but nothing happened why would I believe that Jimmy have you met my son I believe it for Canada where the oldest profession is still logging Hey where’s pety praise the

Virgin Mary he’s been spending all his time at the church I don’t know what kind of scam he’s running but I swear to God I’m going to muscle my way in you don’t have to muscle your way into God’s house Gina his heart is always open to

You what you just look like like one of those people who don’t use electricity I found a higher calling and it’s called The Lord’s work that’s my son now let us say grace everyone join hands cookie switch seats with me I don’t want to hold hands with a boy dear Lord God in

Heaven savior of all men except men who love men please pour your golden love Upon Us e cleanse my family of all unrighteousness I know that’s asking a lot seeing as my sister puts out for anyone with two hands my uncle’s a degenerate and I’m pretty sure my mother

Used to pole dance for Loose Change what the hell pety okay my turn God please forgive my son for breaking the fifth commandment and not honoring his mother and for being a massive douchebag amen Sticks and Stones mother which is what we should be hurling at Teresa for

Parading herself around like a modern day Jezebel who’s Jezebel she sounds fat look kid you need to learn how this whole religion thing works I’m very curious to hear what you can teach me about piety we’ll talk about pie eating later when it comes to being a Roman

Catholic from New York these are the rules every day but Sunday you do whatever you want and don’t disrespect your mother ow why’d you hit me haven’t you read your Bible an i for a tooth so stop telling God I’m a [ __ ] why’ you hit me what I thought it was a

Thing there’s only one person who truly understands me Brenda come here to me whoa here yes I can’t wait any longer it’s your dime let us Pray God be with you my sweet yeah whatever back at you hey how was the date magical we baptized three Jews today granted they were tied up but still anything yet he won’t touch me I tried everything showing him my lower back tattoo at benediction eating a banana during morning mass and texting

Him photos of my bing bing during the T Station of the Cross he thought it was a painting of Noah on the ark I’m so ashamed don’t be or do be honestly I don’t give a sh oh man I forgot to get her to stamp

My card pety can I talk to you I’m busy pop I’m making Brenda diarama of the Rapture look that’s us ascending to Heaven while the rest of the planet Burns in Hellfire look son I got to tell you something I did this thing for you maybe

I shouldn’t have but my dad did it for me I was just trying to help Jesus will see your good intentions even if no living human does well Brenda is not really who you think she is she’s she’s a college student I hired to you know

Show you a good time what do you mean hired that’s ridiculous she loves me does she ever ask if you’re a cop every day and I ask her if she’s a cute little bunny are your dates in 1 hour increments so she’s a fan of time management what does that prove do lots

Of men recognize her on the street she comes from a big family with a lot of uncles who like the spanker so what she’s a prostitute what we haven’t even kissed that’s kind of their thing damn you why do you try to ruin everything

For me why can’t you just let me have a happy ending that’s exactly what I was paying for this might not be the best time to tell him I used his college fund I don’t care what he says Brenda is not a prostitute I refuse to believe

It that doesn’t prove anything I will let you pay me for sex a sh Daddy can I sit down sure princess what’s troubling you well hypothetically speaking if you were shaking down someone and a cop got wise and started shaking you down what would you do a

Gina we went over this in kindergarten always pay off the cops first you’d give him what he wanted sure paying off a cop ain’t a crime well it is but you know what I mean it’s a cast to doing business but I can’t give this little

Rat no goban what he wants he wants everything it’ll cost me a fortune hypothetically speaking oh my little angel in a situation like that you got no choice but to hit him where it hurts his kneecaps I knew it a kneecaps you’re so adorable these little kneecaps these little

Kneecaps stop Gina I got to talk to Dad alone sure just remember what I told you pety what’s the good word well Pop I want to say that I forgive you I know that you were just trying to help me by hiring Brenda thanks and I’m sorry it

Didn’t work out with your little hook a girlfriend says who I hate the sin but I’m still in love with the sinner I’m going to save Brenda but keep it under an hour and when cha said a Hoy did he really mean aoy Branda excuse me what are you doing

Brenda you don’t have to sell your body for sex I’ll take care of you Brenda young man there’s no Brenda here yes there is she’s right there six no seven rows up four no five seats to the left the prostitute you know Brenda raise your hand what the hell are you doing here

I’m here to save you I know the truth and I don’t care our relationship is stronger than the strongest man on Earth first of all my name is Stella second you don’t know [ __ ] about [ __ ] our relationship was just business you think I like spending my free time in a church

I’m a hooker for God’s sake Stella what are you saying we spent all that time together are you trying to tell me it was for nothing no it was for a th000 bucks an hour standing here talking to you is for Nothing excuse me but may I use is the [ __ ] off you okay kiddo don’t bother trying to cheer me up it’ll never happen first science let me down now religion there are no answers life sucks you know I remember when I was 15 man I was awkward overweight pimples four fingers on each

Hand but life got better and it will for you how can you be so sure this is your time the age of the nerd and who who’s a bigger nerd than you no one that’s who one day you’ll invent some cool computer doohickey and before you know it you’ll

Be kneep in Asian chicks really would I lied to you you just spent the past week lying to me nothing gets by my boy you know I have been working on a new memory enhancement chip I’m up to a 60% increase in recall with only a 20%

Chance of death count me in I’ll be your first customer and you know who that’ be good for watch his face you know who I mean the guy with the thing we met in the place this is kind of a happy ending huh pop no you don’t get the concept of

A happy ending at all how you doing back where I grew up you had three career options cop priest a gangster my old man was a wise guy so that’s what I was who doesn’t want to grow up to be their pop unless he’s a priest then you got bigger problems or a

Cop in which case [ __ ] you what the hell is that I hit something Jimmy what are you doing back here impersonating this spare tire what’s it look like I want to learn a family business from pop you’re too young for this kid go hit your ride home

At his age are you nuts that ain’t safe here take this with you I wanted pop to let me stay but he was being such a prick I mean it’s not like I was some kind of [ __ ] or anything oh my God I’m so sorry don’t

Worry about it we’re out here to whack Polly anyway you made your bones kid you murdered a man then bonded with your father over it technically it was manslaughter and I’m just saying it was a nice moment not for poy it wasn’t gut shots take forever to kill you bastard

Lingered for days listen to him Pop I think bonding over some jagar with more holes in him than swiss cheese would be great let’s start with Che this kid what a card but if you think people up here in mother Canada don’t got any daddy issues forget about

It let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they’ be whacking Uncle G he take the boss he threw him from the 19th floor s wasn’t much along

Till the M all once in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and mve catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about It I hope taking me to the Antique Fair wasn’t too traumatic for you fellas at first I wanted to blow my brains out but then I got numb from boredom El that I’ve been antique and it’s okay for me to admit that I like show tunes right

Cuz I love show tunes look at that animal running right beside us running really really fast what show is that from it ain’t look oh I got 400 horsepowers here and she’s keeping up with me yeah but the horses in the engine are teeny tiny for Christ’s sake slow down Jimmy what

For oh d this wouldn’t happened if cheich Bungie it to the roof like I said if I know what Bungie meant I’d have done it but I don’t so I didn’t we’re going to get rich racing this horse we bought I’m going to name it in honor a cookie

Really yep I’m calling this Philly cookie [ __ ] wardrobe cuz that’s all we heard about on the right home that’s sweet Jimmy but are you sure it’s a Philly I checked right up to my elbow sorry I missed antiquing in Moose Jaw cookie a sweet Canadian Pickers what a lovely wardrobe and who’s

This this is cookies [ __ ] wardrobe yes I realize it’s cookies Jimmy but what of this horse it’s cookie [ __ ] wardrobe we’ve established who owns the Wardrobe no need for oh I see her name is cookies fluffa wardrobe that’s terrible beat calling a horse is that so

I’ll have you know that I and horse both have happen to think that horse is a perfectly utilitarian moniker you can’t name something what it is that’s stupid what am I going to do go inside and say hello to my two girls daughter and Antichrist Hey look it’s my son massive

Disappointment hey it looks as good is new which means you’re screwed up it’s supposed to look old like an antique hey nice cupboard ma it’s not a cupboard ignoramus it’s an armoir don’t talk to my daughter that way oh my god do you realize what you just

Did I gave him a dirty look that was no mere dirty look you have the Maloo but I don’t want to be a real boy it’s the cilian evil eye the power to curse anyone who crosses you with medium to Serious Misfortune does this mean I have

To do stuff I don’t want to do stuff it’s a gift that runs in our family but Skips a generation I always thought gina’d be the one to get it ha in your face Gina I heard that Teresa the mokio is nothing to be trifled with you got a

Lot to learn young lady I know like what the hell trifled with means you’re both nuts there’s no such thing as the Maloo it’s a silly Superstition don’t you diss my magic curse and stink eye ooh I’m real Scared Ha What’s the play am I throwing this race or what nah you don’t got to throw nothing this animal runs like my bowels on taco night yo Che looks like we’re not allowed to race cookie [ __ ] wardrobe is pregnant don’t look at me I pulled out sorry it’s my go-to when I

Hear someone’s with child the dip [ __ ] Duo blows it again I’ll be in the lounge do not join me I had a lot of money riding on this animal how’d she get Knocked Up M cool that’s how I bet that horse of his did it I can’t say I blame

Her horse is hung like a mol Jimmy we got to get what’s coming to us and we’ll do it like our Sicilian ancestors did in paternity court Jimmy this is properous relax mol was s acmp not you personally yes you are the Department says I’m responsible for horses actions

Jeez that changes things you saved me a trip downtown thanks I want the truth read back that testimony I want the truth I really shouldn’t I have a race coming up oh come on baby you know I love you oh okay but use a condom I

Thought you were on the pill I am but it don’t protect you from the clap hey I’m clean I just got out of a long time relationship sounds like someone likes to commit get on with it I got to prove you’re actually knocked up uh think about running water

You know I object over rule sorry I thought about running water anyway I rest my case Oh yay oay court is now in session what the hell is this the judge is here we can start for real but I got a surprise witness he did the same thing to

Me where’d you get that betting on the ponies yeah well how about giving your big sister a cut no way the hobos who laid the bets for me ain’t getting a cut why should you oh you better think twice before you mess with me you Gypsy wannabe you think

Twice I mochachino the lunch lady and she fell into a pot of soup she get burned nah it was cafeteria soup it’s lukewarm at best but she did have to go home and change yeah ain’t getting [ __ ] put that in your soup hey I think the effects of the

Curse wear off after a couple of days R again I never expected to see you in paternity court again agent mul I’m sorry your honor when you were a boy your mother was in here suing your father staunch mul for alimony alimony that remains unpaid to this day your honor I see so

We’ve got cookie fuing wardrobe versus horse what’s your horse’s name horse yes the horse what is its name horse you’re trying my patience special agent his name is horse your honor well no wonder he’s impregnating Phillies willy-nilly give the animal the Dignity of a proper

Name sir it is a proper name and that is not the concern of this nosy nosy Court straight mul I find you in contempt furthermore I find in favor of the plaintiff agent mul is ordered to pay all damages what we won without even saying a word make you think huh how

Different would my life be if I just kept my mouth shut yo toots nice cans ma’am I’m sorry that was very disrespectful what I meant was nice cans your honor according to this I owe you tens of thousands of dollars I’d hate for this to ruin our friendship yeah that

Would be terrible now pay up or I’ll break your knees how am I supposed to raise that much money on a civil servant salary your he’s out there living a high life totally crushing the whole dead be dead thing where did you get these oh I got

My ways mul pety found them on the Internet yes he’s at the Bam Springs Hotel let’s get him he pays you you pay us everybody’s happy except you all right I’ll do it frankly I relish the opportunity to righteously confront my no account account deadbeat father I

Can’t face him don’t make let me go I’m scared Jimmy please I just can’t do it I’ll be in our room stress eating mini bar peanuts you believe this guy what a baby no kidding look at him running off like a yellow bellied Scat Cat pety I need you to do my homework for the rest of High School this is my hiding spot get out no someone criticized Teresa at lunch and she turned the cafeteria into the prom scene from Carrie oh let’s end this we’ll drive a steak through a heart

That’s for vampires don’t you know anything about the supernatural H if you went to Catholic School you’d know this stuff you’re hiding from Teresa too sure she’s maloku and people left and right like a drunken Gunslinger but I got a plan I’m sick of being pushed around by

That power craze little psycho oh hi baby how’s my favorite girl hey sis you look so good ah crap I can’t do this just at me right Now the still beats sucking your bony butt I’ll tell you that much bakarat gentlemen welcome join us the game’s poker but these fops think it’s bakarat they don’t speak English nor do they understand cards it’s like taking candy from several sleazy babies excuse me are you stch mol the one and only

Good sir I need to talk to you about something from your past my past eh in that case I’ll pour you a drink what your poison kog absence Lithuanian discount Cola h this count Co is pretty Good he’s getting away I got an idea all right let’s get Him we got to ditch some weight to go faster the air is so thin up here I can hardly move Mo I got This did the Marquee of Catalonia send you because I slept with his sister what no is this about the gun smuggling to the cono please do you expect those child soldiers to arm themselves no straight mul sent me cuz you slept with his mom this is the ride of my life

Coincidentally that’s exactly what I said to Straits mother all right kid I’m taking away your allowance I’m grounding you and I shredded your driver’s license ma what the hell are you doing I’m teaching Teresa values give me that stuff back or I’m going to Super triple Pinocchio yeah

You haven’t got the balls ew yeah no I don’t have balls but that’s got nothing to do with This Maloo byy your own malocchio eh that sounds lame hoist by your own patard not as lame as that what’s going to happen to me no I’ve got full fiz someone wants to meet you mol has came for the money hello straight been a long time

How dare you try to shake my hand mother had to take in sewing and Moonlight as a dominatrix because of your neglect and you you never came to my birthday parties I offered to pay but she refused said my money was dirty and Ill gotten from card hustling and Shady deals not

To mention the counterfeit My Little Pony merchandise that’s a lie Dam you I’m no monster why didn’t you answer my letters did your mother burn them without showing them to you how would I know I don’t see the resemblance to you if it’s money you want straight I’ll

Gladly wire it from my bank in Geneva but in the meantime let’s make up for all the Lost Years and get to know each other son why from Geneva oldest line in the book as if mol had fall for that oh papa oh straight oh Jesus are you nuts inviting this guy to

Stay with you he’s a con man let he who is without sin cast the first stone what is that the Beatles the Bible Jimmy oh must have skimmed that partt Jimmy’s right I’ve been a dead beat and i’ said all the same things and he’s saying to

You just not as fancy but he’s my father he’d never lie to me come straight let’s do all the things I missed when you were growing up start with giving him lots of money oh we’re changing his diapers I hear that’s real nice why are you dressed like a female

Gym teacher I tried washing my clothes the washer caught fire and burned them that stupid curse is the worst are you kidding me how’d this get in here the mokio works in mysterious ways help me Ma I want to be rid of this all right but it’s going to be tough first I

Need your picture wait I should do my Hair [Applause] Yay all right Storch where’s the money patience Jimmy it’s on the way isn’t it Dad indeed I spoke to my bank manager Hans and he assured me that Hans that name sounds as made up as all your excuses so you doubt my word good sir and I use good sir sarcastically I’ll

Write straight a check for the full amount I bet that ain’t worth the paper it’s printed on actually it’s gold flake paper very expensive oh real nice Dad this is from my Cayman Island account it’ll take a day or two to clear oh Christ another another Dodge Jimmy until

This check clears I don’t want to see you understood unless there’s witness protection business or if you need anything or if you just need a chat but outside of that you are persona non grata while my father is visiting good day sir okay I’m ready what do we do sit my

Child here’s the thing about the mokio the curse wears off after a while but there’s always the danger of being recursed one could say it’s a recursive curse oh one could shut up and let Mama talk sorry anyway Teresa I can’t take the evil eye away from you but I can do this

Gina did you put those pictures online not yet we didn’t but if you ever give anyone in this house the malocchio again your social life goes kaboy uh uh oh okay you win I’ll learn to control it for the record recursive means occurring repeatedly and since we’re on the

Subject of a curse that can reoccur recursive is a doubly amusing word play because no one cares pety all right we got to prove once and for all that mul’s pop is a no good grifter and we’ll do it by breaking into his House actually let’s just use the door conu always leave them unlocked no Jimmy it’s breaking and entering not entering stupid Elis sto’s quadruple jump what are you two doing we got him mol and we got him red-handed I told you my red hands were from eating pistachios lookie

Here credit cards and not a single one with his name on it passports from different countries different aliases and a bag of mustaches I’ll bet this one ain’t even real ow it’s real you twit he’s a Flim Flam man we just can’t figure out if he’s fliming you or

Flaming you I assure you my intent is neither to flim nor to flam then why do you got mol’s banking information written down here for the money I owe him but but I didn’t give you that information I found your bank book I had every intention of ripping you off don’t

Listen to them son they’re idiots they couldn’t find tart at her and feather me so they used maple syrup Jimmy kept drinking it then cheats tried to get feathers out of a foam pillow for an hour straight I am not a good man in fact if I didn’t escape from Morocco

When I did I wouldn’t still be a man at all but I never lie to you not my own flesh and blood but he did break your window look the the baby horse is crowning I can’t believe I ran my own father out of town on a rail literally

The 315 to BC you did the right thing sooner or later he would have ripped you off and ripped out your heart which would not be as gross as what I’m looking at right now I was blinded by the need for a father figure but who needs that when one has such good

Friends you still owe me the money I know Jimmy I know oh I finally gave horse a name didn’t I Defan Baker excuse me a moment special agent straight mol here it comes um that’s not a horse that’s a mule hm that’s interesting oh Jesus Christ what mules happen when horses do

It with a donkey Cookie’s [ __ ] wardrobe was knocked up when we bought her good news you’re off the hook Dean Baker ain’t the father no Splendid because if I did have to pay you I have the money my father’s check cleared oh he was telling the truth Jimmy my long lost father was

Telling the truth the whole time how do you like that I was so sure he was a dirt bag well I guess we better sue the guy who sold us a pregnant horse perfect I’ll go get my lawyer Wick y mol can I count on you as a

Witness for Canada where apparently a jackass can ride a jackass hey jimy can I go next how you doing I’m the FBI informant and shell of a man formerly known as Jimmy Falcone one thing I don’t miss about the old life is how nobody did nothing without an interior

Motive oh Frankie BR cake really what’s the occasion what I need an occasion to do something nice coill my brother-in-law before or after the sugar high you lazy bastard thanks for helping me move Joe no problem just help me get these on the truck and it didn’t matter how small the

Favor they always expected something in return really Joe you moved like one box thanks for driving us to the airport Bruno yeah swallow these you’ll need a laxit when you land your brother-in-law says Hey I’m going to need that laxative here in the great Bland North people are nice for no reason at all it givs me the creeps I still haven’t figured out their angle but if you think I’ll ever get used to Canadian POI itude you can hey

The drugs came out forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini when when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle Che he take the boss he threw him from the 19th

Floor Suite wasn’t much alone till the M once him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he ratted out his friends and M catch you on forget about it forget

About it forget about it oh forget about it and the answer to what sexual position are you is missionary stupid online quiz I thought for sure I’d get Belgian Wishbone that was there when I got here and I need a new computer no problem Jimmy so last night I was at home

Thinking about you long and hard it occurred to me what a breath of fresh air you’ve been to this office and I wanted to show my appreciation so what do you want nothing Jimmy want me to whack somebody oh gosh no move some merchandise not at all then

What is it it’s just a cake Jimmy I also wanted to give you a hug but provincial guidelines forbid it so I got you a hug mug instead I don’t know what to say I’m I’m very confused oh look your uncle is here hey Slugger look at you I love this kid what

A face I get here J Who’s That schmuck what are you doing here Che my printer’s on the fridge paper jam N I shot it no one tells cheich Falone to load cyan cartridge I got to print some pictures of cats asking for cheeseburgers no you

Don’t how else am I supposed to share him with my friends get with the future Jimmy a you’re not stealing my printer B you got no friends and see get the out of my office you didn’t say there was going to be a test I’m out of here

Vagina tourism yo this thing brints in color right God damn it what did I say your printer stealing [ __ ] I had to rip your fing head off and shove it straight up your [ __ ] woo okay Jimmy thanks uh Jimmy we should talk about that anger right after I change my Pants sorry I had to knock with my boot you can knock boots here anytime mol it appears Gina somehow got a hold of my uh handcuffs and I need the keys well lookie here our big mounties and handcuffs oh I wonder if he’s ticklish really you stop oh this is ply irregular Ladi

Stop you want those keys you’re going to have to give us something mle yeah dance certainly [Laughter] not we crying out loud here let him go you’re taking all the fun out of illegal confinement Gina Madonna Falcone you’re confined to your room for the rest of the day for this little

Stunt I could do that standing on my head that’s going to give you a bald spot I’m not actually standing on my head genius cookie have you ever thought of enrolling Gina in the Scared Straight program is that when Harden criminals yell and intimidate kids cuz that’s

Dinner at our house early prevention is crucial for Wayward youth in my spare time I volunteer with at risk children yeah yeah scared straight you’re a saint I get it now what are you going to give me for these keys I’m confused Toby you never get mad

What do you know about anger management oh Jimmy I’m I’m angry in ways that defy logic in International Convention but I manage my anger issues I don’t got angry issues my uncle was just driving me nuts can I go you can’t blame family for pushing your buttons that’s called

Deflecting guess who’s getting a gold star you try living with a nut job like chich he doesn’t just push buttons he craps on them and doesn’t flush I have a family member who’s hard to deal with Jimmy why don’t you come to my house for

Dinner and see how I deal with my hard member oh can I come too any more questions why do I have to go to prison you got your damn keys back didn’t you yes but I had to promise your mother a summer of yard work in my Daisy Dukes in

Any case this is the intake where they check convicts for Contraband you missed a few things G Down’s impenetrable lyrics what do you need with all these weapons how else am I supposed to make some on my [ __ ] what was that for she was reaching for the rubel gloves I know what that

Means all right now take me to jail where you going out for dinner great I’ll get my coat keep your Cod I’m going alone but I’m starving there’s never any food around here a leftovers again what are you going to do I’m here now all right fine but be on your best

Behavior that’s my boss’s house Church rules okay right the pants stay on I know CH wasn’t invited but he tagged along anyhow see what I mean about this guy this is why you’re here to see how I deal with my own uncle Che hi Mom good one who are these dicks

This is Jimmy and his uncle cheich guys this is my mom Greta hey jerks check this out come on how about now what I have for lunch guess I’ll get dinner on the table oh my thongs chafing I’ll be right back Jesus what a monster kby didn’t even Flinch that’s impressive no Jimmy

That’s [Applause] impressive an ugly statue of a goose that ugly statue is the gibralta goose it’s worth of Fortune people been cutting each other’s throats to get their hands on it forever I had it once but it slipped through my fingers I killed my best friend double crossed my

Mother and betrayed the woman I love but I finally got you this time con Island oh roll coaster I tried to get it back but I was out of subway tokens this here goose is the stuff dreams are made out of Jimmy well don’t get any ideas about stealing

It what’s eating you Toby’s trying to help me you’re not robbing him Rob him I don’t even know who he is give me the the hand let go of the I said hands off Jimmy stop abusing Uncle Che this is not how you deal with anger it’s hummus for Christ’s sake I had

Hummus the Barista gave me cinnamon sprinkles instead of chocolate I spoke very sharply to her manager I’m a monster I just want to cut myself over and over and hold that thought Agnes I want to focus on someone who really needs help Jimmy is there any anything you’d like to talk about why

Yes there is I move that these meetings be caded someone’s deflecting again what was it cheich did last night that made you want to what was it skull bang him straight to Hell whatever he did I have learned that I can’t be responsible for his behaviors only for

Mine own question for the group who’s getting a gold star today not Agnes I’ll godamn tell you that that and speaking of cheich did you know he asked my mom out on a date and she said [ __ ] yes end quote isn’t that great Jimmy we’ll practically be Brothers call off the date cheich no can do I really like this broad give me a break you’re just using her keep your hands off that freaking Goose cabish you got it all wrong Jimbo I want a wooo this thing show her a good time make her

Feel good then Rob her blind nah bang her in the back seat of the car in her butt oh and I’m borrowing the SUV think you’re tough I eat tough for breakfast sometimes it’s smoothie I’m doing 10 years for robbery got caught cuz my tank was empty worst part is I

Was robbing a gas station isn’t it ironic get out of my head Alanis what a moo what you say to me you’re a moo a gaone a don’t you speak English robbing a gas station get some [ __ ] class banks are where it’s at you strap a bomb

To your chest and pretend you’re a victim empty the Vault or they splatter me all over this joint you with me so far then hand off the money to the accomplice while the cops are busy with the bomb on you chest you give the fuzz a bogus description of the robbers so

They don’t know who the hell they’re looking for then meet up with your friend get the cash and stick a knife in his back right mol sweet blessed monarchy yo this advice ain’t free give me all your cigarettes oh Jimmy this is so romantic I can’t remember the last time you

Whined and dined me let’s say we sneak into the bathroom for a little appetizer sure get an appetizer who gives a [ __ ] are you even listening to me why do you keep looking over there oh God you brought me here just so you can watch Che so what I can’t sit by

Myself like some pathetic loser hey where you going you’re spying on your elderly Uncle while he’s on a date you got some serious problems Jimmy who’s pathetic now still you Yeah he’s giving her the old Belgian Wishbone that’s nasty oh wait wait wait wait M you hear that Doby he got it on the first try who’s [Laughter] Toby what’s your game here cheich I could ask you the same thing Toby I can explain no need Jimmy you’re

Under a lot of strain coping with your feelings toward your uncle not to mention the ridiculous pressures at work actually works pretty easy oh you’re such a trooper that’s why you deserve that cake Toby listen cheich is going to rob your mother too late Jimmy he already stole her heart and some change

From the bedside table but don’t worry we’re going to get you the help you need my name is Jimmy McDougall and uh Jimmy my name is Jimmy McDougall and I am a Peeping Tom uh that’s my seat finally some action around here but I can sit somewhere else if you’re already eating

Oh look you are aren’t you sorry I’ll just go [Applause] Lord Stanley’s cup we’ve never had a riot before Gina hit the floor I will come and get you don’t bother I’m just starting to have fun but you’re in danger H mol I am the danger oh yeah all right

Che how you going to steal the goose if it’s already stole stoen damn it what’s the word I’m looking for uh Jimmy are you spying on chicha my mother again what no no no not at all I think maybe you need another session at peeping Tom’s Anonymous you

Got it all wrong I’m just trying to stop Che from robbing your mother look let me show you God no don’t want to see it ah crap it’s stuck Jimmy please don’t show it to me it’s very inappropriate come on baby come on here it comes right there

Right there for the love of God Jimmy stop masturbating in front of me right there peing D nailed it why are we having a stapel safety meeting sounds made up and stupid you know what they say he an ounce of prevention is worth4 kg of cure oh I

Can’t lie to you Jimmy but you’re going to thank me after this after what your intervention oh Jesus Christ these people are here because they love you except my mom she’s here because her finger stuck in che’s zipper I was giving him a DD everyone has written a

Letter about how your problem has affected them all we ask is that you hear us out yeah come on come on Jimmy you’re tearing this family apart or something don’t you start with me Che will you listen to what the people who love you have to say Jimmy you bet your

Ass he will wait a sec where’s Gina mul took her to prison that’s about the only thing that makes any sense right now all right cookie you’re first sorry this is hard for me okay dear Jimmy you owe me a dinner love cook that was beautiful sometimes times we have to

Listen to what isn’t being said Jimmy can I listen from the bar down the street okay who’s next dear Jimmy you know when you got a whiz at night but you don’t want to turn the lights on cuz it hurts your eyes well what if you put

Lights around the toilet seat so CH what the hell are you doing I’m reading my invention letter okay Teresa I didn’t know we were reading these out loud be brave this is a safe place sad face angry face thumbs down dark clouds Japanese Goblin what are you

Talking about I wrote my letter in emojis that is so dumb face dear father this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write you are more important to me than boring you make me want to be a better man you know that all right that is it

But I’m not finished my I’m talking here you want to know what my problem is I’ll tell you the only reason chich is going out with Greta is so he can steal her Goose don’t you mean gobble her Goose ew I just pictured it it’s the jalta goose

It’s this famous old statue that’s worth a lot of money ain’t that right Che you have always been my rock Jimmy you of all people should know how hard I’ve tried how long I’ve searched for the one thing that has deluded me all these years see he’s after the go

I’m after love and now that I finally got it you want to take it away from me my port in the storm but now I think you owe Uncle cheich an apology I got ch’s apology right here I’m not the one with a problem it’s you people you’re all

Crazy call me when you’re having a real stapler safety meeting ever since I was a little boy I longed for I think that went well don’t you Uncle cheich have we met Canadian prisons are the kindest in the world why are they doing this stop rioting this instant screw you someone’s coming out with demands I say this at the risk of being unsportsmanlike but as soon as the bastard shows himself make an example of him cancel that order Stand Down Stand

Down Gilbert lower the shotgun Gina thank goodness you’re all right those cowards sending a child to do their dirty work you want to hear the demands or what yes but first let’s get you to safety never mind that there’s only one demand mol don’t ever try to scare me straight again that’s why

They’re rting yeah they do whatever I tell them now do we got a deal or what yes fine but how all right jov back to your C no one mentions this at the staff meeting understood I’m looking at you Gilbert oh aha aha aha you’re a drift in a sea of sorrow and I want to what’s going on here a come on see I caught him red-handed chg is trying to steal the goose in fact they all are if I wasn’t so damn mad I’d be pretty proud right

Now for the last time I ain’t here to steal no Goose I’m here for love fra I want to say Smith will you make me the happiest man in vagina and become my wife oh gee yes I can’t wait for you me and Toby to start our new life together

Who’s Toby I’m Toby me me how can you not know that by now I co-signed your small business loan I gave you a bath I helped you design the toilet light oh nice to meet you I am Toby nice to meet you I’m Toby Toby got that my name is

Toby k y Toby oh double hockey stick where doesn’t he get at you never mentioned you had a kid I was young I needed money but no one would buy the baby off me yo back off I can’t be in a relationship without trust I don’t suppose you learned

Anything from this experience just how to turn a toothbrush into a knife and make a bomb out of coffee creamers what am I going to do with you Gina I don’t know but after this debacle I’m going to have your badge because I placed you a minor inside a prison among hardened

Criminals and a riot broke out no cuz I lifted it just now while you were Ying that’s your queue to hop on your horse and yell something stupid Hot Shot what’s this for I BR your cake I got to have a reason look inside I knew it you were going to steal

It the whole time not at all but that [ __ ] lied to me you lie to me I steal your ghost general principles so what’s it worth nothing it’s a Chinese knockoff hi cheat it’s Tracy right how you doing I’m Jimmy Falcone former New York CA in the old life the feds

Were always up in my business these guys had ears everywhere and by ears I mean bugs but I didn’t let that keep me from being a normal family man that one that’s my girl messing with the feds was a game I got the Fat Bastard right here

And I’m going to chop off his legs and feed him to the dogs on the ground no gotcha oh good one Jimmy I’d offer you guys a turkey sandwich but [ __ ] you if it was real important we talk in coold but that came with its own

Problems cheich I need you to pick up the magic potion from the Maharaja and take it to the wizard and make sure you look into his Crystal Ball kabish kabish by magic potion you mean he at keys of heroin right on the grounds now now that I’m in witness protection

Living in Canada I don’t ever got to worry about bugs again forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of our named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they be whacking

Uncle it take the boss he thre him from the 19th Floor sweet wasn’t much along till the M went him dead so Jimmy had no choice to talk to all the feds the feds say they help him they could use him as a p so he red out his friends and mov

Catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about it cookie that was super you’re a regular George Foreman in the kitchen thanks Jimmy and now now for The Knockout canoli James M who’s asking Angus Mavish don’t ring a bell do I know you no lad

But our ancestors fought on the M for three centuries this weekend you and I pay tribute to their bravery at the Regina Highland Games uh speaking the English I’m throwing down the gauntlet ladyy see you at the C TOs go M who was that some Australian lunatic in a Skirt I’m going to regret asking but what’s your problem there’s this Dutch exchange student at school Yeti no one pays attention to him he said he feels invisible and you care about thaty white I consider it a civic duty to Aid new students yeah yeah yeah bleeding home

God save the whales help the Dutchman I get it here’s my advice schools like prison he wants a rep tell him to kick someone’s ass Gina not every problem can be solved through violence I’m not helping you with a dishes no more you got it okay see peety I had a problem

And violence solved it want me to demonstrate again no I’d appreciate it if you could keep Riff Raff like Scotty mcboo off from my doorstep but you’re a McDougall now the Scottish Community is finally inviting you into the fold you just had to go and make me Scottish didn’t you why couldn’t

You just make me Italian because you’d have been too easily identified as ex mafioso oh so Italian automatically means mob to you you racist sack of sh I ought to put one in your head run your body through a meat grinder and bury you in cement but I take your point so you’ll

Attend the games then not a chance if you ref refuse this challenge the Scottish Canadian times will brand you a coward you’ll wind up on their shite list along with other things Scottish people hate like the queen underwear and fresh vegetables do you want your friends back home to find your picture

In gear Jimmy I guess not then have fun at the games for Canada where every culture gets a ridiculous sum ofair remember everybody be cool and act like he Scottish just be crabby and cheap don’t worry Jimmy we’ll blend right in with these weirdos Uncle CH stay out of my

Closet that’s a good color on you so you l l McDougall grew up here and showed up welcome to the Highland Games y wers thank you for inviting us don’t get a swelled head Lassie every Scott in the phone book was invited right to the kitchen with you Nessie you’re on heish

Duty go on those sheep’s stomachs don’t stuff themselves Blend to the field of combat Lads or should I say luses see blend him right in let me get this straight we got to cook this thing’s stomach how we going to get it out ma same way your father did with Joey the fake look at that hammer beat that

Mcle you know this kind of reminds me of collecting protection money back home off the field oh you throw like a bloody Englishman thanks Angi that’s supposed to be an insult you tit come here you yes I salute you weat she TOS snack on that mdle this

Reminds me of the time we threw big cheesee Romano off the roof uh something’s missing there you go and you got yourself a Scott when’d you change your name to Scott oh oh it’s on what you did that’s my girlfriend I mean my mascot there’s a ra of sheep

Stomachs in the fridge after Mary oh watch your back Lamb Chop table toss in your face Mcle this reminds me of something Too H I guess I never killed no one with a tree trunk before what you’ve been living in a cave off the field again oh victory for clan Mavish good game anus Jimmy aren you mad he beat you you’re the sorest loser right now did I lose Che did I m

M William oh William me baby brother ah but that’s what you get for not going to the games you bastard sorry yey who would have guessed the Saturday academic Achievers jambur was just a bunch of great grubbing dorks but don’t worry we’ll find you some cool friends my sister suggested you pick a

Fight with someone to get noticed which is totally absurd yetsi cut it out that’s not going to work will you stop it that’s enough ah yei I’m so sorry wait you forgot your Teeth hey everyone thought I’d drop in oh look it’s eccentric billionaire Richard wein do I smell heus or is that Jimmy’s feet and he brought a studio audience to laugh at his dumb jokes might I say cookie you look delicious can I try bite when it comes

To hagus I’m a bit of a gastronome I’ve eaten it all around the world around the world that would make you a gastronaut seriously that was gold M amazing you can barely taste the intestines cookie I have a proposition for you I’ve been getting propositioned all

Day that gets a laugh you’re a bunch of dicks this is my Scottish restaurant we we weins for some reason business has been slow but I think we can turn this place around with cookie as my new executive chef wow Jimmy what do you think what’s

That think about you can do this in your sleep but who’ll run the house I will how hard can it be to take care of two kids three kids see we’ll all be learning new things go for it it might be fun in that case Mr wein I accept

To home Betty I was stirring in The Kilt and I’m feeling a wee bit bad I’m your new Chef cookie McDougall now I’m a little new to Scottish cooking but I’ve been doing a wee bit of research and I’m sure all you Lads and lassies will be

Great these have been in the freezer for 3 months and you want to serve them to customers this is a restaur you jag off not a V at Kong prison camp are you sweating in the soup what the hell is wrong with you you know what

Screw it let’s just serve a warmed over piss squat down no then start over you can’t cry in the kitchen if I see one more you [ __ ] is crying in here it’s in theing oven you go head first you think I’m playing And let that be a lesson to all of You Brown meat in pan this stuff’s red but it’ll have to do add onion done why doesn’t it look like the picture Daddy I need help with my homework I’m a little busy but what’s the capital of Canada that’s easy Capital C Daddy I only ate gluten-free is that gluten-free don’t worry I ain’t

Going to charge you pop I broke Yeti’s jaw good for you son but he’s my friend so you straightened out your friend I’m proud of you but I feel like a monster I said I’m proud of you quit fishing for compliments Daddy can you hand wash my

Bras and panties oh I ain’t touching that stuff H wasn’t a Nook shook mom does it pop is that meat sauce I don’t need anything with a face we having face for dinner I wanted chicken fingers Daddy I got to make a solar sciss Daddy I need clean panties I almost

Killed ye I want a chicken finger I think I need counseling H I almost killed ye chicken finger that’s it go to bed all of you but it’s only 6:30 I said go to bed you know what change my order to face you too Che bed but Jimmy might

Have to take off this belt I’ll be good I hope ye’s in school today I feel terrible about what the hell a poor little YY do you want another Blended cheeseburger hey there’s the bully that did this to yety Gina’s wrong High School’s not like

Prison though I do have goo all over my face I bet that happens in prison amazing aming cookie in just one week you’ve totally turned this place around how did you do it get the hell out of my kitchen I’m trying to work here now now I am your boss sorry

Sorry Mom Pop ruined my underwear he made me go to bed at 6:30 last night I’ve been up since 3:00 a.m. I ain’t naming no names but a certain fat ass ruined my homework Jimmy I need a change what the hell look at this freaking place there’s footprints on the ceiling

The TV’s on fire and why am I standing in 3 ft of water oh for God’s sake where’s your father Jimmy hey cook what the hell’s going on here nice to see you too look at this place what exactly do you do all day

Besides work 9 to 5 okay 10 to 3 11 to 2 with a long lunch I’m busting my butt at the restaurant 24/7 and you can’t even keep this house going me what kind of mother leaves her family starving and laundry list and having to figure out

The capitals of Canada all by themselves what about your womanly duties oh of course my womanly duties how could I forget remind me again what those are like having dinner ready on the table for your husband like it says in the Bible what part of the Bible says that

You know the part where Jesus fights the whale I thought this restaurant thing was going to be a nice little h did you just say nice little hobby that’s it I’m out of here where you going back to work where I get some respect I respect you

Plenty it’s not like I told you to get in the kitchen take off your top and make me a sandwich actually sounds pretty good since cookie won’t listen to reason or the Bible we got to shut this place down you know for the good of the kids

Kills me to see him neglected like that special agent mol nice of you to drop by full disclosure cookie I sometimes Moonlight as the regional health inspector well I’d offer your bribe but my kitchen is so spotless you could eat off the floor speaking of which you done

Looking the floor yet Rodney don’t worry cookie my visit tonight is strictly as a haggus and Cy craving customer waiter there’s a hand in my soup and you’re closed you can’t do this this sorry cookie we we Wheat Thins is now officially a crime scene jeez tough

Break cook but hey you had a good run no shame in that oh for shame there’s a foot in the salad bar you’re a great chef you deserve success and you would have had it but what are you going to do it’s the unpredictable hand of Fate

Actually it was the hand of Lorenzo what I’m saying is maybe this is a sign that your place is at home with your family and their laundry you’re right Jimmy nothing going to do now but take my failed ass Home Jimmy what the hell excuse me sir do you have a reservation what are you talking about Teresa it’s me this is my house nope this is mighty mcdougall’s House of Haas you turned our house into a restaurant you said you wanted me home so I came

Home but it ain’t fair to my customers to shut down so I brought him with me thanks for being so supportive sweetheart I do not remember being supportive and I do not remember you having a reservation Che will you look at what cookie done to this place I know if I do

A good job I could make dishwasher Gina how about getting the old man some food I’m starving here no can do pop will full up now get you a shrimp cocktail and a beer no dice all we got here is Rob Royce can we get a Heineken a spritzer

And a fuzzy navl three Rob Royce coming up for the last time I do not want to buy a fing Rose finally a little pieace and quiet and I’m like oh my god seriously and he’s like T seriously wow so you do have genital warts restaurant’s closed you want a doggy bag

Bag this hey Jager sh on Jimmy have you lost your freaking mind I can’t stand it no more cook I tried being supportive but this restaurant thing is tearing our house apart baby I need you the kids need you shut down this circus and let’s be a

Family again but you said I was great wait you said I deserved success and now you’re running around like a freaking animal killing my business we’re shutting this place down too oh well beat sh off hands ah crap that was you how could you do that to me Cookie I’m

Sorry I was losing my mind you have no idea how hard it is to run a household on your own I don’t you looked after the house for a week Jimmy I’ve been doing it for 16 years enjoy sleeping on the couch Mister cuz you ain’t getting nowhere near my meat locker tonight

That’s kind of a weird thing to call you Oh you mean the bedroom ow if you want this shrimp cocktail you’re going to have to throw some pants On Cookie’s miserable and I feel terrible that’s marriage for you what are you going to do she was happy working at the restaurant and we blew it I got to go make this right how much riter can you get she’s back in the kitchen where she belongs she was in a

Kitchen you [ __ ] and I’m putting her back there Jimmy she’s already there G maybe sit this one out all right fine by me I want off this freaking emotional roller coaster anyway all right what do you want I’ve realized that prison rules don’t apply in Canada here people reward the victim

Not the aggressor if I want to be surrounded by girls like Yeti I need to get my ass kicked K wait a second you want me to beat you up in front of the girls I want some of the action he’s getting what better way to get sympathy

Than by being unjustly trounced by a thug Edy think this through hurry up come on Hit Me No get lost you whack job come on just a few good shots real quick give me what I want let go of me you freaking psycho now yet see bully is assaulting a little girl get

Him hey what are you doing what When in Rome okay what are we doing here mul called said there was a major situation happening Jimmy what’s going on and why are you dressed like an Undertaker good evening Chef cookie welcome to the reopened we we we dance I’ll be your new

Matron D good news cookie your husband helped us solve the mystery of the seventh hand Thanks to Jimmy you’re back in business oh Jimmy you big sweeten more on you sorry I messed things up for you cook gosh it’s kind of slow tonight only two customers it’s 8:30 the place should be packed maybe they heard about the hand in the soap people talk you up or

Maybe it was the fat naked hairy guy hitting people with his junk H I was worried this might happen you see cookie he is is strictly a novelty food people only ever try it once usually under the influence of alcohol so there won’t be any repeat customers not a one I’m

Afraid we we whein has run its course then why’d you bought a reopening yeah why’d I get my hopes up what can I say for me Scottish food can be very hagus forming give it a rest you know what you and your stupid restaurant just about ruin my

Marriage well I guess I ain’t a cook no more baby in the kitchen of my heart you’ll always be head chef around and drinks for everyone we’re celebrating the birth of Miss Son how you doing I’m Jimmy McDougall but I used to be Jimmy Falone a respected New York businessman in the gangster and gangster related Industries then I whacked my boss and ratted out everyone I knew to save my uncle’s life now right out the mob is not as

Glamorous as you think before the trial they stick you in a federal safe house on an army base so no one can get to you but that doesn’t mean they don’t try Jimmy you killed the dawn a simple apology ain’t going to cut it hey I

Offered to do the eulogy I wasn’t the one who said that’s in bad taste it was the family consiliary his coming to see me could only mean danger but it was still nice to have a visitor you know Jimmy back in the Roman Empire and in Godfather too when somebody messed up

The the way you just did they were given away to provide for their wife and kids for the rest of their lives all they had to do was kill themselves before the trial Over My Dead Body you son of a [ __ ] you said with all respect you am

Man your position look Jimmy I’ve always liked you in fact I went to the mat for you to help your family help me help you wow when does the guy who doesn’t like me get here listen it’ll be very embarrassing for me to go back and say

You won’t honor this request if you don’t do this I will dedicate my life to hunting you down you and your family will never know A Moment’s Peace the rest of your days how about the nights can we get the nights off it was the hardest decision I ever had to

Make all right I’ll do it pass it over turns out it was an easier decision than I thought so here I am with my wife and kids alive and well in vagina vagina Saskatchewan but if you don’t think that’s pretty much the same as being dead forget about it let me tell you

Something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle G it take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor sweet wasn’t my along till the M all

Want him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the fs say they help if they could use him as a fun so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about

It Jimmy Falone has done it he has won the Masters he wears the green jacket he wishes it was a blue jacket to offset his eyes but whatever let’s hear from the champion I knew that if there was a day without snow that I could win this I

Did it for my wife cookie cookie cook breakfast is ready what’s your problem the Sun’s shining temperatures above zero you know that ain’t going to last I’m off to the food court at the mall to hang out but not eat you are not going out dressed like that young lady

There’s a reason they call you privates private fine God I’ll be at the Science Center they have a new exhibit on Nano tubes pety what did I tell you about hanging around those kinds of places don’t ask don’t tell I’ll be home in time for dinner I’m not making dinner

And don’t be late you okay cook like you care all right Jimmy I dusted off the clubs I’m been working on my swing get a load of this who’s handicapped now you son of a [ __ ] save it for the course Che te times in 20 and no way I’m going to be

Late oh sure go have your fun I’ll just stay here and do what I did yesterday and the day before and the day before that nothing all right well try to find some time for yourself don’t you get it I’m bored out of my mind I can’t talk to

My friends my sister there’s no good shopping I’m going crazy here well you got to do something find a hobby like I got golf or get a job one of those will shut you up but what am I supposed to do I ain’t worked since we got married what

About back when we was kids that summer in Atlantic City you had a job then and you were very respected in the community you mean a fortune tell’s assistant yeah working for Madam scam oh I love that job that cute little kiosk on the boardwalk all those scarves you got to

Wear talking European not having a shave those were good times so why don’t we open your own shop here in vagina oh I couldn’t I don’t have the gift Madam scam you she had the gift she could see things years into the future she was a special special lady with a god-given

Talent we could fake it I could do that then it’s settled we’ll dip into the nest egg find you a nice place and get you all set up but first I ain’t missing this gorgeous weather come on cheich let’s hit the links you know what baby your needs come

First okay Teresa you’re a reception you distract the clients Gina you pick their pockets and get their info chich is on sound Jimmy your lights and smoke machine all right let’s do a practice run Teresa you’ll be the customer hello I’m the customer I would like to know my fortune Madam cookie

Will tell you what she sees please sit testing testing I am the ghost of the dead person that you know not yet cheats just the mood music to start and don’t say testing down an arch on the smoke machine jimy Me her name is Teresa McDougall your name is Teresa McDougall she lives at 1 1234 Jim Cary Lane you live at 1 1234 Jim Cary Lane she is 25 years of age you’re 25 what 25 Gina you weren’t supposed to pick my fake ID mom’s going

To kill me now no I’m not I can appreciate a good fake ID I went to my first bar when I was seven okay everyone clients will be coming soon Teresa show a little more cleavage Jimmy thank you so much for this I’m so happy I feel

Like I was born to do this hey my money’s gone Gina you stole my money ma told me to no sweetie you misunderstood get their information not their money we’re running a legitimate scam here can you believe it I thought she was totally going to read me out about

My fake ID yeah and I thought she was going to make me give you back your money I know right wait hey oh girls where are my magical assistants just look at it cheich I ain’t seen cookie this happy since that summer she was on proac I know what

You’re up to gentlemen and I Shan allow it the good citizens of sasketchewan deserve better than to be taken in by your flim flame conference games hey this is a legitimate business why you don’t believe in the Supernatural you want to know what I believe Jimmy I’ll

Tell you what I believe I believe in a Canada True North strong and free Universal Health Care the metric system the letter Zed that Saturday night was made for hockey I believe keano Reeves is highly underrated I believe if I were a woman and I didn’t have the ability to

Wrap my legs around my neck I would never take my boyfriend to see sir to Play I Believe in football with three Downs two fours of beer and maple syrup and I believe that Rush is the single greatest band of all time uh so we can

Stay open I believe we’re about to find out customer you can try to distract me all you want Teresa but until you reach legal age I see only your face nice eyes bad me bad you better not be trying to pick my pocket young

Gina when I grow up I want to be a mounty just like you you and 30 million other Canadians oh special agent mul my very first customer you look so dapper today oh that doesn’t make you psychic cookie it only makes you observant no you look

Good enough to eat I’d love to put you on a cracker or a cookie oh take it easy you big idiot I’m just buttering up the customer let’s cut to to the chase Cookie stop that we’ll have none of that cheesy light and sound show here thank you all right Madam cookie it’s just you and me now dazzle me I see I see red your favorite color is red I I I see leaves uh oak leaves green leaves a maple Le you’re very

Patriotic just as I thought you’re a fake a phony a fraud you leave me no choice but to shut you down no no no no I can do this you’re having lunch the menu is in a foreign language you don’t understand the milk and your tea is sour

H baby cries uh waiter drops a tray there’s a mouse tail in your soup a homely woman in a Blue Dress ask you for change that’s so General it can apply to Anyone H not the standard Mandarin dialect that I studied in college the milk for your tea is sour oh I’m sure it’s just a coincidence baby cries a waiter drops a tray a mouse tail in My Soup imp possible you got changed for a five I can’t wait to tell cookie how we

Snow that fed yeah how stupid did he look if only she could have been there she loves a good short con more than anyone Jimmy you won’t believe it mol told me all my predictions came true I have the gift I actually have the gift just like Madam scam she always said I

Would but I never thought I did but I do I have the gift what you think you have the gift we is already spreading I booked solid for a week this is terrible what are you talking about she has the gift no she doesn’t she just thinks she does because

Of what we did now we got to keep making her predictions come true gez Jimmy that’s going to take up a lot of time I know but look how happy she is sh I’m getting something Pluto will be a planet again okay Jimmy let’s get to work

So if we all just keep making her think she has the gift everything will be beautiful but that’s deceitful a white lie is still a lie don’t you get it when your mother’s happy we all get to be happy so we got to do whatever it takes

To keep it this way no kidding I swore this morning she didn’t say a thing hey cook tell us about work what kind of predictions did you make and to whom specifically oh I can’t say psychic client confidential and all that oh what the hell I told Mrs Campbell she’d find

$10 inside a new sofa I told Mr Peterson he’d have a scooter accident I told Mr Chan his son will set a new record at his hockey game I told old lady Johnson she’ll get pregnant I got this one Jimmy nothing like a nice relaxing game

Of golf after a long day of [ __ ] your wife hey how’d you get all this time off work anyway I found a sub okay legs shoulder width apart slight Bend at the knees you know G it’s funny they took away my identity they took away my livelihood they took away

Everything that made me me but the one thing they couldn’t take was this game and my love for it mother sucking you’re right Jimmy this is relaxing you’ll win a raffle you’ll be attacked by a goose you’ll break your leg in a freak fondue accident you never

Ride a tandem bicycle come on people give me a challenge here she was really good want to come over for some fondue sure we’ll take my bike it’s Built for Two I appreciate your seeing me on such short notice Madam cookie I was hoping you could help me solve a case I never

Thought I’d say these words but I can’t do it really cuz I picture you doing it all the time it seems there’s been a rash of convenient store robberies and I have yet to be able to gain a description of a suspect the only lead I have is this handkerchief give me a

Hand don’t you need to hold the handkerchief sh we don’t have time for this ever but anything you could tell me would be greatly appreciated of course let’s begin yes yes I see someone a a man a middle-aged man white slight build dark eyes dark short hair and a mustache Madam cookie has

Spoken thank you madam cookie you’ve been a great help all right boys we’re looking for Hitler for Canada and mounty shelting in unon No oh okay now you do me get a load of this zero chance of snow Zero from the topl of 5000 no less and I read it on the internet so you know it’s true let’s go I don’t know Jimmy I’m looking on my itinerary I got

Wheel of Fortune at 10 Andy at Mayberry at 10:30 and scratching my nuts at 11:00 no we got to go now it could snow any second but the Doppler said it won’t I can’t take the chance if I don’t get some golf in soon I’m going to go crazy

All I do anymore is run around town making my wife think she’s a psychic I need this good news Jimmy I scratched my nuts while you were choking me I’m good to go hold it nobody move I had a dream not like peties I hope oh English oh

Math oh science oh oh oh in the dream we were at a carnival and the Grim Reaper shot out of seven times it means seven attempts will be made on one of our Lives if anyone leaves this house today they’ll be in Mortal danger come on cook

Dreams don’t mean nothing I had a dream once that the toilet turned into a dragon I still sit on a JN every morning Ma I can’t stay home all day me either I got a thing and a thing I can’t say more mother dreams are simply manifestations of our unconscious desires Freud says

That our conscious mind keeps our Primal subconscious wants and needs suppressed dreams merely represent the repressed urges released when we sleep FL also said you want to do your mom do you want to do your mom pety is that what you want do you want to do your mom uh

There’s no good answer so shut up this ain’t any of that science mumbo jumbo this is fact I got the gift I had the dream and you don’t mess with the spirits so no one sets foot outside this house today Madam cookie has spoken I had a dream about me you and

Your sister we never did that one the pops you can’t keep us locked up in here it’s child abuse we got stuff to do look we all agreed to do this to make your mother happy sure for a day or two but I don’t want to make my mother happy

For any longer than that come on it’ break her heart to find out she’s not a real psychic at this this point but you don’t understand I’m supposed to meet the cutest guy at the library where we will read our brains out and I’m supposed to go to the Regina

ComiCon with Billy allson it’s the first year they’ll have two people and I got to do this thing that kid’s not going to break his own legs oh you think I like this any more than you I wanted to golf today but if I can sacrifice what I want you can’t do all

Right I said all right good I’m going back to bed like I’m going to miss golf cuz of some stupid dream careful Jimmy you could have killed yourself on that thing what are you waiting for Jimmy just savoring the moment cheich just savoring okay legs shoulder withth AP

Pot slight Bend at the knees check the back swing and you okay you want to take a break no I’ll play through just take the penalty no I can make this you want to break now I’ll play through I’ll play through I’ll play through I’m playing through hey look at that a little

Australian boy sorry mate I Nick you hey Jimmy I’m starting to think cookie dream may have been about you I’m playing through God damn it okay leg shoulder with a PO slight Bend at the knees check the back swing and so worth [Applause] it and where do you think you’re going

Young lady out I don’t think so are you trying to get yourself killed did you not hear a word I said earlier I know the dream I’ll die blah blah blah but Mom I have to go he’s so cute and he’s a goalie we met when I was fixing the

Hockey game he’s really good with his hands what we just kissed I swear okay he may have touched my boobs a little okay a lot what’s third base called in hockey you fixed the hockey game I had to Daddy said we had to make your predictions come true oh my God I wasn’t

Supposed to say that that oh well the cat’s out of the bag bye pety is this true I am not going to lie to you mother it is you fixed my predictions every single one of them not me it was dad’s thing I didn’t want any

Part of it a Lie Is A Lie Is A Lie are you trying to tell me that your father was sneaking around all over town this entire time making every one of my predictions come true why would a person do that believe it or not he thought it

Would make you happy well you know what it did I never been so happy in my whole life and what’s wrong with you that you wouldn’t what you’re too good to lie to your mother uh get out of here I can’t stand a look at you and you better think

Long and hard about your morals mister I can’t believe that big paluca went to all that trouble just for me that lying conniving manipulative sack of I Married An Angel Jimmy sweetie I’m coming to talk to you jeez I know what you did Jimmy I’ve been

Here the whole time I swear I know you fixed my predictions what are you talking about you went behind my back you deceived me you made our children deceive me you play me for a fool it’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me you [ __ ] kidding me

On the outside you may be tough gangster Jimmy Falcone but underneath all that Macho and beef and 12 alone you’re just a big old teddy bear and I don’t need the gift to tell me that so I’m going to close the shop greetings friends and potential bullies before pop bravely tattled on

The mob there was a time when he had to go what wise fellas and good guys refer to as straight why you crying I just got this hot ass parole officer who’s making me get a regular job that’s for getting pinched in the first place once pops shattered testy healed

He was well on his way to Rehabilitation give me two abortions in a basket double tap and bloody R toast coming right up first National’s got a payroll coming in you know what to do I’m confused Pop I understand why you work here but why does che the guy likes

Eggs what do you want from me okay but Uncle Aldo also works here and Uncle Sammy toy Marone and isn’t that Don gambini delivering milk py shut up if I didn’t know better I’d think you were still running your organization under the very nose of the New York Parole

System kid I’m on the straight and narrow just trust me will you you once said that trust me was gangster talk for [ __ ] you if my suspicions prove true I will be very disappointed pop very disappointed thanks for waiting till my kid left all right hands up this is a

Bust I had to do another 18 months cuz of your big mouth now that we live in Regina pop Works a legitimate job every day and I’ve never been prouder of him that’s for being a rat which reminds me if you think I’m ever going to forgive you for that forget about it

Forget about it forget about it oh forget about it pey I know what’s going on in there and it sure ain’t clean your son’s in there pile driving his crotch into a coma bust the door down why would you want to see that oh my God pull him up he must have

Fainted from shame what the heck help between you and me jerk kusto that is not how you masturbate so what the heck is an ocean lab 6 it’s a 3month undersea education program I was accepted to but it’s prohibitively expensive I was underwat so no one would see my tears when it

Comes to my kids there’s no such thing as prohibition expensive how much we talking whoa yeah that ain’t happening I’ve never had to say this in my life but I can’t afford that nice going now your father’s drowning his sorrows in hot sauce you selfish little prick leave him alone

It’s not his fault I’m a worker day schmuck who can’t afford underwater nerd school on top of that I went and ruined my breakfast I can help with one of them problems I used to make this for dong gambini the man was a notorious overs Spicer he’d cover his calone and pepper

Flak and then he pissed and moaned about how hot it was and when he pissed and moaned chefs lost their thumbs holy crap these taste like eggs again the spice is gone like I said behind the dawn’s back you’re welcome you Wy [ __ ] I think you got the

Solution to your money problem right there cookies right we could use this to extort every Indian restaurant in town pay up or the vindaloo gets it haven’t you idiots figured out there’s legal ways to make a buck course not luckily I have now let’s go take that spice out of life I thought

Your family could afford ocean lab Teresa’s always got so much expensive clothes and jewelry she gets those from Men I’m not supposed to tell my parents about my family’s taking me camping this weekend to cheer me up hey do you want to come along maybe we could comfort

Each other in our time of mutual disappointment I literally have no experience in this area so I’m just going to ask are you coming on to me no silly why would I do that what are you even talking about yes well then I love to go camping in fact I’ve already pitched my

[Applause] tent welcome to Scorpion’s Hive the publicly funded show that provides investment opportunities for private Venture [Applause] capitalists has this ever happened to you oh no I overspiced my food it’s burning a hole in my tongue Jimmy you’re supposed to be at work Agnes get back to the office quick

What if someone needs a map hey lady them spices hot enough for Use my name is neutralizer and I’m here to say I’m going to take all the spice from your spices away spice it yeah spice it down oh God stop it Ming’s right just tell us about the product so we can rip your new one it’s spice neutralizer you sprinkle it on overly

Spicy food and it kills the heat but not the taste who’s your target market munic cake white people who can’t handle a little pepper what are your says figure hey wasn’t I married to you once you’re the terrible Che oh glad I walk out on you you bad man what’s your business

Plan to make a crap ton of money and send my kid to space I import knockof yoga pants Belgium video game in spices I’m out bad idea as an Irish Canadian I wasn’t even aware food could be spicy I’m out I like this idea but I don’t want to

Invest it I prefer to license it from you what’s that mean it means I do all the work assume all the risk pay you half the profits and you do nothing you’ve always wanted to do nothing Jimmy hold out for less than nothing are you serious pop you got the

Money Yep looks like you are going to be sleeping with the fishes I know you didn’t mean that the usual way but I still peed my pants a little what am I going to tell Anna she invited me camping so we could forget our ocean lab disappointment could you

Just enjoy something for once what she don’t know won’t hurt her howdy sir I’m Ron Anna’s Dad this is my wife ba Sheba I hope you’re up for a rolicking kick in the pants Adventure in the Wilds of suatu on pety and don’t worry I’ll see there’s no hanky or Panky between these

Kids we’ll keep things as chased and pure as our lord Jesus I’d say have fun but that’s clearly off the table bath Sheba stopped staring at the man like a harlot okay let’s hit the road thanks for coming py I need at least 8 in between you two back here move your

Keester over son let’s pass the time with music oh we’re going to the mansion on the Happy Day Express and the letters on the engine are j s u S what do you mean you lost the spice neutralizer recipe we’s going to be here any minute it just write it down again I would but I can’t remember it I only got so much room up here I can’t rememberize the whole recipe and the names of all the

Hobbits ah crap that’s wheat then maybe it’s in my other pants you don’t have other pants okay okay I’ll scratch other pants off the list but that is a lot of zeros let’s count them again one two if I didn’t know better I think you were stalling me for some reason he’s on

To us forget it okay look cheat lost the formula we’ll find it we just need time but I’ve already bought factories and hired sweat shop workers spice neutralizer launches next week I’m having several Spice Girls neutralized to Mark the occasion touch Ginger and I’ll cut you you have till

Monday to produce that formula otherwise I’ll have to sue you for misrepresentation sorry Jimmy it’s nothing personal just business you can’t say that that’s my people’s saying how does he do that Che if you don’t remember that formula we thing’s going to take us for everything we got I got this Jimmy trust

Me do you mean trust me trust me or you trust me the nice one Che didn’t lose it someone stole it and I bet it was that Ming broad from Scorpion’s Hive that’s classy blame the Asians it’s got nothing to do with being Asian and everything to

Do with being teach’s ex-wife how much more motive does she need she’s right you know what they say Hell hath no flurry like a woman’s corns are we still in Canada I don’t see this Campground anywhere on the map if you’re not on the map the government can’t find you and forcibly re-educate

You with the lives of the Antichrist I see I’m just going to retire to my tent for the rest of the weekend oh we don’t use tents we’re sleeping in Old Archy bunker here do me a favor son take that bag of automatic weapons from the roof rack inside you

Don’t mind if I call you son do you we’re facing Armageddon together that makes us family uh what I’ll go set up a perimeter oh darn I forgot the razor wire oh well we’ll have to rely on prayers and homemade frag mines to keep satting away Anna I’m trying very hard

Not to freak out but have I been kidnapped sorry every few months mom and dad drag me out here to wait for the end times I couldn’t face another Rapture fail without someone rational to talk to so you picked me oh that’s just great wait you think I’m rational that’s

The hottest thing a girl’s ever said to me pety you’re downright logical ah and don’t worry about my family they’re nutty but harmless pety the Bible says it’s an comination for a man to lie with another man so you can’t sleep with me in the men’s quarters thankfully it says

Nothing about Black Market assault rifles anyway you’ll be bunking with Anna what a friend we have in Jeus all right me and Jimmy will muscle that formula away from Ming you gals go home and syn up your Cycles we’re not sending to goons in to intimidate a small small boned lady it needs a woman’s touch give me the formula TS or I’ll rip your freaking lips off Jesus ma

What the hell big crazy [ __ ] talking about I’m talking Russian roulette with an automatic unless you start singing oh ma where the hell you been all my life the formula’s got to be stashed around here someplace she comes from a very crafty culture isn’t that a little

Racist cheich talk to me when you’ve spent 3 weeks in a Chinese finger trap oh God that’s strong I feel like I’ve been maed nah mace feels worse than this see damn it cheach what the hell is wrong with you I’m trying D it’s straight up Point ow

Daddy my eyes still not as bad as mace but finish up those K rations kids they’ll keep for 600 years but they do get stale how’s that filtered urine pety H someone just volunteered for First Watch tonight pety if anyone tries to get in shoot first and beg the Lord’s

Forgiveness later that’s a joke you won’t need forgiveness for slaughtering whatever Unholy Abomination comes knocking oops forgot the urine filter I know this isn’t what you expected pety but once mom and dad go to sleep maybe we can have a fumbling session of heavy commiserating about ocean lab very heavy

And very fumbling oh God you talk so sexy oh there’s plenty more inexperienced innuendo where that came from oh no you shot the urine filter I’m telling you oh she did it that leprechaun always whes about not making enough money from the TV show all right

Thanks Ming sorry I pointed a gun at your head oh that’s nothing compared to Canadian immigration oh Teresa did it that’s just great now she suing us too way to go cheich how is this in any way my fault going on a crazy TV show

Was cookie idea don’t blame me a sack of sh guys guys calm down we all know this is Pet’s fault no it’s m pops for having a brainiac for a son yeah if he was a [ __ ] like the rest of us this would have never happened I screw you guys I’m

Going to go talk to O’Shea myself unlike you idiots I know how to get things done you’re supposed to blow up the other guy’s commas to get things done I’m telling you mou oa’s behind this are you suggesting the premier is embroiled in some sort of spice neutralizer conspiracy that’s preposterous so you’re not going to help us oh contare Jimmy I’ll see this through to the end my first step spending 9 hours on hold with your government sponsored

Insurance company for Canada where no fault liability means everyone gets screwed Equally the jigs up OA we know about your problems with Scorpion’s Hive how’d you find out let’s just say thing told us she knows after she swore I didn’t talk in me sleep you slept with my wife ah we only cuddled with me made penis in

Her son of a [ __ ] who gives a sh you were married 3 days I’ve only had this shirt 3 days I still don’t want him sticking his dick in it now give us what we want OA security get in here I’ve got some trash to take out oh right I’ll crack a window There’s something I should tell you my pop got enough money together to send me to Ocean lab I thought we were sharing our mutual Sorrows but you are just practicing holding your breath it’s not like that Anna I just didn’t know how to tell you Dad warned me about privileged Rich boys

Who try to take advantage of innocent girls try no did yes but I like you Anna yay it’s finally the apocalypse that or it’s a roving band of liberals seeking to Feast on our Bibles and unborn babies don’t be afraid to kill anyone pety the Bible says it’s okay

More often than not play the numbers son always play the numbers you were right Dad oh Lord forgive me for tongue kissing this heretic wake up H I thought I told you girls to stay home aren’t you glad we don’t listen to you very often Teresa followed OA he’s meeting with Bas come

On whoa one more step and I get a free coffee everything’s coming up Che I’ll have to see the money before I can commit to to anything you cheap sleazy bastards oh that’s where my flashlight went not so fast oake you’re too late you jackass asses it’s done you can’t sell stolen

Property oh god listen to me yeah right and violence never solved anything this is getting weird the deal’s off now look what you did you blew me chances screw you OA that spice neutralizer recipe belongs to us what the hell are you talking about you giant

Bloody fester in tit I was about to sign a deal with a rival Network for me own investment show piranha Creek I thought you was trying to extort me for what if scorpions High found out about piranha Creek before I jump ship they’d GW the flesh off the deal’s meaty bones wait

Which one of you is the piranha it’s Canadian television Jimmy we all are oh Christ now I’m stuck on that low pay and show hey would you look at that look at that indeed Tabby’s mom is looking pretty Fine how do you like that pety the goopa family here was under the impression the age of kuga was ending that’s the Hindu apocalypse between you and me these Cooks put the mental and fundamental everyone knows the end of times is a Christian Armageddon sorry about the

Gunshot wound Mr goofa that’s the thing with time share apocalypse bunkers they’re affordable but the scheduling’s a pain in the rum I’ll go take down the perimeter I’m glad no one stepped on a frag mine that could have been very messy lucky I’m good at digging Mass Graves please God

Tell me that was a joke it won’t be one day Anna listen I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about ocean lab and I’m sorry I called you a heretic so will I see you at school no Mom saw us making out and now she wants to send me away until the

Baby comes what I know but guess we’re they’re sending me I’m okay a mine went off arm seems to be gone if I pass out before we reach the hospital be sure to refuse a transfusion Going somewhere Toby you’ve come for vengance make it quick not the face open casket who’s going to rub mother’s feet calm down pull yourself together thank you Jimmy I deserve that a and probably that too now you’re just doing it for fun stop it Jimmy it’s my turn ow you stole my

Formula didn’t you yeah yes at the TV studio I knew Jimmy would quit Regina tourism once he got rich I couldn’t face work without my best friend in the whole wide world who me but I had a change of heart and left the recipe in your car mom insisted on coming with

Me it was too late to put out the fire so I grabbed mom stop dropped and rolled her and we took off but you saved the recipe right no it went up with your car not great I’m screwed thanks a lot you stupid son of a [ __ ] lucky it’s easy to remember baking

Soda flour vanilla extract and a dash of cumin I don’t know why that was so hard to remember cheich oh yeah go on ask me which one’s froto I have your brand new SUV courtesy of Saskatchewan government insurance Canada’s worst driver I must have left it in gear put on a pot of

Coffee cookie I’m going back on hold yo cook I got py on Skype I hate it here I’ve been seasick for 3 weeks don’t worry Mr and Mrs McDougall I’ll take care of him I hope you kids are being good down there under the sea well Mrs McDougall I won’t lie to

You ah getting screwed in a submarine it’s like he’s in the Navy for real how you doing Jimmy here you know my story by now most of it’s even true thing about Wise Guys is we hardly ever told the truth by hardly ever I mean mostly never we lied to everyone cops

Judges our wives and mostly each other we lied so much we didn’t even know we were doing it yo Jimmy these biscotti got almonds in them nah don’t worry about it you need a doctor no I’m good lion came so easy that the truth was frowned on like the time Johnny

Forthright came to town hey Jimmy with that cut you’re begging for a heart attack now there’s a reason Wise Guys never tell the truth cuz who wants to hear that crap then comes along with his mouth and suddenly I’m so worried about my weight I had what my doctor called a mild cardiac

Incident once I got out of the hospital I reminded Johnny that the truth hurts then I did not wipe the sidewalk with his face anyway now that I’m in whitness protection I’m still living alive except this one’s legit and you’ve never looked Slimmer what Good Fellas ain’t the only

Ones who can lie the freaking asses off oh forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the cppo with a gambini but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle G it take the boss he

Threw him from the 19th Floor Suite wasn’t much along till the M all want him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he ratted out his friends and M loers

Catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about it blue tiger you clear clear take the shot take the shot who is it pizza oh we have someone ordered pizza this l plate it’s their ass they didn’t order pizza repeat did

Not order pizza pull back send in the Robot is Halloween already what the [ __ ] are you supposed to be kid oh he didn’t take a liery go go go go go Jimmy McDougall you’ve been duly served 15 guys in the freaking toaster to serve a summons can’t take any chances sir not since last year’s potty

Mouth incident you Canucks of [ __ ] harsh language alert fall back run I don’t remember getting these tickets public urination drunken disorderly Dunkin Donuts oh that’s a receipt six grand in parking fins oh not so fast Che did you get these tickets and use my name yeah but don’t worry I

Burned them all remember the whole garage went up that was you technically it was the oily Rags I tossed the burning tickets onto do you got to wreck Everything You Touch yeah like the Skylight he tried to put in the bathroom the fresh a helps me go or the ceiling fan he installed

Last so I goofed up it happens it happens every day with you you bum Who you calling a bum I’m calling you a bum cheich you ruin my old life and you’re mushing a new one and you know why cuz you’re a screw up and you’re a bum and that’s the truth to

You CH you okay I’m fine it’ll take more than that to bring old cheats down how could they say them things about me I’m not some kind of [ __ ] I know I’ll pay the tickets Jimmy you let me the money all right he thinks I’m a

Bump maybe they’re right what good am I to anyone help my husband’s trapped in that fire shut up I’m trying to think you Ma you got to sign this so I can get vaccinated it’s school you can’t let them pump Gina full of autism juice uh the link between vaccines and autism has

Been roundly rejected by the medical community ooh the medical community what about the community of celebrities who know how to raise perfect kids yeah pety if they didn’t know what they were talking about they wouldn’t be published in the pages of celebrity minutia magazine but they won’t let me go to

School if I don’t get them shots then I’ll learn you at home I’m not taking Chances with your help but you’ll risk her catching rubella or hooping cough oh don’t make up diseases pety Co I got you out of school you’re welcome what you don’t get Brainiac is when I miss school

I lose business and when I lose business I get dark impulses so you’re going to take care of my business what’s in it for me I won’t break your nose throw in my arm and you got a deal wakey wakey Canada has plenty of freshly painted substandard housing for people

Like you move along my downtrodden friend just soak me in gas and light a match mul morai richless Legacy Che this isn’t about Jimmy’s parking tickets is it sure is did you pull a little magic act and make them vanish for me one can’t simply vanish parking tickets one

Pays them and if one is so inclined one pays them in advance this one guy sounds like a jag off could a jag off do this oh now do that 6,000 more times it’s a bus token Che you could always go to City Hall and fight those tickets it’s

Your right as an honest citizen well citizen I’ll do it I represented myself in court for littering once tued them down to a six-year stretch then I’ll leave it in your marginally able hands for Canada where we still believe in Magic looks like someone misses Che me miss that bum not a chance why did he call not that I care I if he called I tell him to go back to bum toown or wherever he’s been for the last couple of days did he call no I’m going to bed

You stay here pretending you don’t regret the awful things you said to him pop this is weird it ruins it if you Talk here’s your boss around sweetheart I got to talk to him about some tickets whoa well lady mayor how about we Ram a few motions through your Council chamber I was thinking your honory since I did you a favor three by my count maybe you could do one for Maron a sweet lady she died doing what she loved screwing the people I’m worried I said some completely accurate things to Che that he totally took the right way and I

Ain’t seen him since last I saw he was filled with vim and vigor ready to fight those tickets in court so don’t worry Jimmy Jimmy Che great news you paid the tickets no I’m running for mayor Rob Ford’s big red face I did not see that coming and you’re sure the mayor was

Alive during your octogenarian boot knocking I may be a lot of things but I ain’t no necr algic all right then it was natural causes more or less natural but you running for her job is out of the question especially over pocket tickets it’s more than that I got to do

Something with my life before it’s too late so I’m running mul running like a cokeheads nose get ready to catch a serious dose of election fever because the mayor is dead that’s good copy Carl oh the candidates throwing their hat into the ring include Premier Mickey OA

Who’s running on a why the hell not platform former strip joint manager Pierre lwasa who’s French as if and area man gich McDougall who promised Pizza Fridays every day of the week what do you think of me now you were drunk and you didn’t finish High School I think

You got a shot are you inside witness protection rules strictly forbid running for office so kick me out when I’m mayor I’ll have a whole police force to protect me and get me lunch I get you’re excited but there’s no way in hell you can run for me all right

Then strange neither of us tried to stop him I had no confidence in that F what’s your excuse wow you just say Gina’s name and they shower you with money here I’ll take care of that I’m the substitution teacher and I’m a nurse I bet none of you want to get a

Big old dangerous needle do you uh-uh I think I found my calling saving the children please don’t touch me why are you here I skipped work me and makula take a cheat out to cheer him up what are you doing Ma’s homeschooling me cuz I ain’t vaccinated after this I

Got to unload the dishwasher for home Mech is cheat ready to go see some strippers oh hello Gina Che said he was going to the election rally I guess he meant to wreck election rally Jimmy let’s go Jana time for gym class we’re playing hang the laundry aww economic growth schwang

Pigs what do you think chich is up to God willing a public withdrawal sounds dirty I’m not one for long speeches so thank you and goodbye oh wait I forgot the thing hang on watch this not tonight honey I have a oh I just don’t love you anymore that’s marriage for you but

Don’t worry pal I got you covered hi I’m Che McDougall I’ve been all over this great City well maybe not great face it it’s a anyway I’ve been talking to folks all over vagina and while I can’t remember any of them conversations I know what people want and that’s uh

Sex if you’re poor or ugly which is mostly it sex is hard to come by but not anymore today I give you the affordable orgasm act hey don’t worry under my Universal prostitution plan the government pays for it in that case can I have one too you bet your ass you

Can and on Election Day bet your ass on me I’m cheat McDougall and I approve these whs I know what you’re going to say but I was on my way to quit when the mailman showed up male person we’re in Canada no I’m pretty sure glory is a man anyway he

Had this bag full of donations for my campaign the people have spoken and they want me you sure you heard him right for the first time in my life I’m not screwing up I’m getting it right and I owe it all to you what you gave me the

Kicking the pills I needed you’re not just my nephew Jimbo you’re my best [ __ ] friend hey one more thing pan you tell this is a hairpiece and that is why eating mashed up insects is good for the environment and your complexion someone’s going to have a healthy glow

Tomorrow oh no you’re all getting sick thanks a lot GMOs okay everyone eat these donkey placentas they ward off sickness and Dark Forest fairies Waldo make sure to chew uh [Applause] oh my superiors are threatening to have a beaver chew me a new one it’s little consolation that I get to choose the beaver no one back home is going to mistake that Elvis looking Huggy Bear for cheich Falcone besides there’s no way he’s going to win yeah what’s the H

And letting him lose it’ll be good for a self-esteem but the opposing candidates will make mince meat out of him come on conu politicians don’t take the gloves off like they do down south do they you tell me this footage provided by the OA for mayor committee was filmed at a

Cheich McDougall campaign stop of course I’m a feminist my dinner ain’t going to cook itself what the hell’s an lgbtq some kind of [ __ ] sandwich but if I slip one past the goalie then I’m pro-choice hey are you filming this yeah now the kids can see me do this in one

Snort see mol he don’t need to quit his big mouth’s going to mess this up public reaction to the cheich McDougall footage has been Swift I like cheich you really know what you’re getting with him yeah he speaks his mind like it’s confusing but like he speaks it it’s high time we

Got our own sandwich mcdougall’s numbers have sword giving him what is wrong with these people this video is just the beginning they’re going to dig into chicha’s past and do you know what they’ll find a lot of dead bodies a man who up until a few months ago did not even

Exist yeah I have been digging into G mcdougall’s past whoa I got no idea who you are but mol was just talking about you you come alone my wife usually helps me but that’s not what you meant I cannot reveal myww identity come on outwash how did you schwat was me Mr

Jimmy call it a hunch I did some digging on Miss Che what I found was most swww Che forgot to sign his nomination papers even if he wins he got canot be MW his campaign is as illegitimate as myw children can you imagine he had it in

His grasp and he SW it up so you’re blackmailing us no no I like you guys I give Mr your Che thew to save himself from the suicide inducing embarrassment of this blunder nice you thanks if it were me I would light myself on fire

Andw in front of a train yeah I get it it he’s a dope then no one would have to schw upon my corpse and say ear lies the stupidest schw on Earth okay enough so can iwan on your vote next Tuesday now that cheich is ineligible to

Run we’re in the clear Jimmy why the frown cuz I still got to break the news to the guy so what it’s his own fault exactly I called him a bum and a screw up and it almost destroyed him if I tell him he screwed this up I don’t know what

He’ll do hopefully kill himself in the old life you were never supposed to truth someone what if I truth all you guys what if I told pety sometimes I want to punch him in the face for being such a goofy little Nole or if I let mol

Know I think his horse has more personality than he does suppose I told Gina here that Theresa is actually my favorite or if I told cookie watch it I got to let Che Down Easy make him think quitting is his idea this is going to be hotter than sitting through a

Canadian movie at least at the end I’ll know what happened but depressing confusing Cinema no one cares for is our National Heritage so watch out for big Palmer they want us to waste money on medicine and cheese when we should really be using it to make sure blockbuster movies have solid opening weekends run big Palmer I didn’t teach you kids you taught Me can we stop by the office I want to get a Reference hey Jimmy you want a lucky rabbit’s foot for Election Day N I’m good so you going to pack your bags what for come next week we’re all moving to the the mayor’s Mansion bring a chainsaw that place needs more skylights back your Banks back your Banks back your

Banks actually pal we are moving now that you’re going to be mayor mol’s relocating us uh I don’t think they’ll let me be mayor from some other town no you’re staying here and I can’t even tell you where we’re going cuz you’re not in witness protection no more anyhow

I Came to Say Goodbye you’re going to make the best mayor this town has ever seen and from what I hear the youngest you’re leaving I’ll never see you Cookie Teresa Gina or what’s his face again yeah sorry but I got everyone rabbit’s Foots thank you thanks I appreciate okay shut up seriously shut the [ __ ] up I can’t do this being mayor means I lose my family so I’m out a he’s a family man besides all I’m going to do is fleece the city dry then burn the joint down for the Assurance but there’ll

Still be free prostitutes right yeah for me don’t you get it just cuz you like me is no reason to vote for me I got no idea what I’m doing outside of robbing you [ __ ] blind finally an honest politician change change change it’s like talking to a wall all right that’s

It I got to break all of your stops come here you oh you want one all right stop smiling hey buddy get out of the way I’m trying to hit your wife they just kept cheering for me even when I had a handicapped kid in a headlock no offense but voters are

Stupid Hey the election results are in Pierre lwasa narrowly edged out Mickey OA to become the next mayor of Regina the crazy Puerto Rican wants to keep Universal prostitution alive I got to get a taste I wrote that legislation I’m sorry I truth you Che it’s okay just do

Me a favor and we’re even help me pry this rug off I stuck it on with hot glue your Airhead you got my money no but I have blisters on my tongue and I think I pooped a kidney that’s it I don’t care what Hollywood says we’re getting our shots kids roll

Up your sleeves mol drop your pants but I have all my shots I said drop them how you doing I’m Jimmy Falone I used to be part of a crime family in New York and like any father I wanted to see if my son was cut out for the family business

But you can’t just jump into extortion racketeering and murder you got to take baby steps see that guy delivering papers on your block your t don’t you want a piece of that action go there you go look out he’s supposed to beat the kid up and take his money what’s he doing he’s

Working Jimmy makes me sick okay so we find someone weaker build the kid’s confidence see that old dead beat he’s behind on his payments take care of him my first assault was an old guy too look at him this is humiliating ow what the hell what’s this about you grooming

Petey to take over the family business what no I can’t believe you picked him over me it’s not like that fine one day I’m going to start my own crew and I will bury you fat man anyhow I realized pety wasn’t cut out for Gangster no sh Sherlock but hey

Now that I live in Regina and work in an office maybe my my son will finally follow in my footsteps actually pop I’m going to be a physicist yeah right like you could ever be a gym teacher forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named

Jimmy I made the wise guy and the CPP with a gambini but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle Che he take the boss he threw him from the 19 floor sweet wasn’t much along till the M want him dead so Jimmy had no choice but

To talk to all the f the F say they help if they could use him as a p so he red out his friends and M catch you on forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about it drive to be Drive what it look like I’m doing giving

Birth I can’t see ow ow okay there’s definitely a wall on your right [Applause] side screw it we’ll go on foot go on without me jimy leave me to die oh come on you can’t I just need a case of beer I can’t believe you left me back

There to die we didn’t make it it’s closed kill me now Jimmy Please hey Mol when I agreed to move to Canada nobody told me the government control the liquor they also control gambling medical marijuana and heroin injection sites no matter what your Vice Canada’s got you covered why can’t I get a freaking bottle of booze after 9:00 p.m. Jimmy the days of drive-thru liquor

At alcoholic enabling prices are behind you mother Canada is here to save you from yourself for Canada where no one has fun after 9900 p.m. except in Quebec yeah oh cheer up one night without a few drinks ain’t going to kill you that ain’t a point nobody tells me

When I can and can’t enjoy a drink well looks like mother Canada just did you big baby screw this I got an idea back in prohibition days how did people get booze Mama Used To Blow Sailors for a bottle of gin which way to the Docks for the last time I didn’t take your cheap gold plated earrings that are only worth six bucks at the pawn shop it’s not that it’s my report card I’m acing all my classes straight D’s except I got this one F you’re failing PE who the hell fails Jim Jim I thought

PE was a bathroom break anyway if I fail I fail the 11th grade coach says the only way I can pass is to sign up for an intramural sport if he ask me the only sport we’re signing up for is hockey it’s got speed blades and fighting

I don’t know you’re right look at a bright side after you fail you and pety can be in the same grade yeah you can be L Partners sharing a locker eating lunch at the nerd table stop it stop it I’ll play hockey ah but it’s going to suck to have three Periods you boys do realize the liquor stores open again we don’t need them no more mother Canada can blow me well don’t come crying if drinking that crap makes you go blind Jimmy if we do go blind can I get a monkey hey this beer ain’t half bad half

Bad it’s whole good what a relief now we don’t got to throw all this Out oh for crying out loud I am getting sick of you two sitting around drinking beer all day you want to be bums go do it in the garage we can’t cuz the garage is full of beer oh well could you at least quit using a living room as your own personal

Clubhouse why you getting on our case cook we ain’t hurting no one oh no what about the example you’re setting for the kids nah they know better than to sit around drinking like degenerates what are you looking at old man you want to fight I’ll [ __ ] fight You I don’t know why I didn’t think of this place sooner it’s right next door and no one’s lived here for months it’s going to be perfect our own personal Clubhouse I always wanted to have a man cave that wasn’t you know an actual cave okay let’s work on the fundamentals

You mean skating and teamwork nah forget all that first off both ends of your stick come in handy see it’s easy to make that one look accidental if you’re Keeping Up Appearance now later when you’re not this is called shirting you do this on the streets you

Get 5 months in here you get five minutes God I love this Game once we get power we should put in a big screen TV and a jukebox and a bubble machine Jimmy nothing says man cave like a bubble machine I thought this place was empty it’s supposed to be come on hey maybe it’s one of them polter ghosts

You mean Guist what the hell’s a gista ghost ah there’s nothing here how’s it going e who the hell are you and what are you doing in our clubhouse I’m Mike that’s Ricky and this here’s Kenny thanks for giving me one of my beers it’s ghost beer now Jimmy Let

It Go something tells me you’re not the new owners well no we smell fresh brood door was open the mat said welcome would have been kind of rude not to come in you know well you guys are still trespassing come on fellas let’s go find

A snow bank where we can drink in peace until the cops come don’t worry Kenny we’ll find a warm place to drink this amazing beer really you guys like it like it it’s the best it’s even better than what you get at the beer store and I bet around here we

Wouldn’t have to worry about being cut off cuz we’re all intoxicated or cuz they’re closed I know what that’s like you know what make yourself at home boys cheers fellas Welcome to our club where men are free to do whatever they want to do what the hell are you doing cheich

I’m taking a dump on the floor Freedom okay we’ll keep the party going till you guys get back okay nice bunch of guys hey Mol what are you doing here I felt bad about denying you and cheater’s alcoholic Tendencies the other night so I’m here to show you

That we Canadians still know how to have a good time but not a long time I have to work tomorrow sorry butle we’re drunk out we been partying with their neighbors all night great gidy Lee those are hosers what the hell’s a hoser allow me to Enlighten you with

This National film Board of Canada educational film The Greek Canadian hoser evolved under the harshest of winter conditions but homo hoser rectus has proven himself a Survivor this Meek creature got his name from having to flood or hose the ice after losing each hockey game the hoser inability to attract breeding

Partners has resulted in a steep decline in its population their struggle for survival is compounded by encroaching subcultures of Emos metrosexuals and white people who like hip-hop today sightings of this plaid shirted ncum poop of the north are increasingly rare for more information on the hoser contact the Heritage protection Council

Of Canada or visit your local beer store gentlemen we are in the presence of a Wonder of nature oh yeah that was excellent It’s Too Cold my ankles hurt I can’t do hockey yes you can just pretend the other team’s a bunch of crazy broads

At a shoe saale now get in there and take what’s yours how’d I do not bad next time don’t hold Back okay this game is called Brucey roulette one of these beers is loaded so you randomly pick one and open it near your Face yeah you big ho you hoer now oh no no no this next game is Choice okay so like you take a nickel eh you put her between your cheeks okay and you get a clench on right and you just like you know give her and that ladies and gentlemen is how

You play bum dirs we have much to learn from your people I think it went up that’s Cheating ow two minutes for spearing that’s it you’re a growing girl yeah hit her we’re not playing in Europe there you go now we’re having fun see you later cook we’ll be next door e again that’s the third night this week I know e but for the first time since we moved here I met some fellas I can really relate to look at yourself you can’t walk two steps without

Breaking into a sweat you smell like the floor of a saloon and if you say a one more time without meaning the first letter of the alphabet I’ll twist your nuts off I can still go right come on cookie I’m just going over there for a quick round of bum dots

Jesus it’s worse than I thought it’s not what you think it’s just a fun little game Jimmy think back to the old life when you were hanging around the club with your friends did you guys ever play games that involved your butts now you put it like that it sounds

All kinds of wrong warm up the TV I’m staying in but first I got to throw out all our Nickels oh hello you must be one of Teresa’s many many boyfriends peety it’s me have we met before I can’t quite place you well better get back to the books nice meeting you oh my God what’s happening to me hey Jimmy Jimmy just ignore them and they’ll go

Away what’s the opposite of ignore cuz that’s what I’m about to do what are you idiots doing I’m trying to watch TV with my wife and you’re breaking my windows we just want you to come over Jimmy Kenny got fireworks Works we’re going to set him off in the house normally I’d

Bust your head open but you get a pass cuz you’re mentally challenged oo take off your dress lady and come party with some real men e all right I’m warning you now and you only get one that’s it oh Jimmy I can’t allow you to assault these

Gentlemen what the hell are you doing I reported the hoser sighting to the Heritage protection Council of Canada and they have proclaimed this land to be a national preserve a protected domain for the endangered hoser peoples are you freaking serious I’m a serious as an Adam aoyan film oh I think you just

Called Jimmy a Gad they’re here to stay Jimmy and you I’m afraid are trespassing what Jimmy check out these birthday candles from Rome the Kenny gave me and it ain’t even my birthday oh that’s Mars Jesus another I think that’s the last plan my own those Romans know how to party uh uh

Uh look at these freeloaders living off the government like a bunch of wall widows I stinking widows get all the Breaks ow what the hell hi pop py what are you doing up there I’m I’m observing the neighbors for an anthropology paper hosers in the Mist I’ve collected fascinating data on their nesting patterns I’m hoping to analyze a sample of their droppings some of them droppings are mine how long you been up

There this is day six you’re hiding up a tree spying on three men is that something I need to know about you kid no but could you empty my PE Jug turn off the yo mul tell these more wants to turn their music down I wish I could Jimmy but Canadian classic rock from the80s is their cultural Birthright would you tell an Indian not to Bang a Drum a quebecer not to eat poutine an Alberton not to marry his cousin oh my

Parents were cousins no wait siblings hey Jimmy I got someone who wants to say hi this is awesome looking good Mike all right if we can’t touch these guys we’re just going to have to drive them out you want me to get the car no I want you to turn on the

Hose let the ice related injuries begin uh cheich give me a hand here yeah sure Jimmy I’ll you ow oh wow Jimmy how the hell are you stand on your feet the old beer cap on the boots what a noble people they use every part of the beer all right we’re

Going to cut their power cuz if I got to listen to raise a little Hell by Trooper one more time I’m going on a shooting spree what the bastards time to play hardball nothing drives people out like good old toxic Flav was that’s probably what drove my third wife away yeah CH toxic

Waste in your Brooklyn apartment Beauty eh it’s like the Northern Lights landed you get the beer I’ll get the Kim Mitchell that’s it one of us has got to go so here’s the deal one game a broki roulette Mano aoso if I win you guys move away and never come back oh you’re

On but if we win we get your house my house all right fine either way I get you mukes out of my life see you tomorrow tomorrow and don’t get cold feet oh we won’t I can’t even feel my feet what are you doing you should be

Suiting up for the big game I’m not playing I’m out I already got my PE credit are you kidding you got a beautiful thing in your grasp and I ain’t letting you throw away my big chance your chance how is this about you shut up and put on your skates

Frankenstein if you like hockey so much why don’t you play because they won’t let me I don’t want to give you the Gory details cuz there’s a lot of them but I got banned from hockey forever apparently the only blades you can use are the ones in your States a Gina I had

No idea why would you you’re as dumb as a post but you sure to shine on that ice what a waste maybe I got one more game in me you do for you I do it’s just the Moose JW milk Maids bunch of farmer daughters I’ll cream them for you you’re the best

Sis all right cut it out your beard scratching me according to the official rules of Bruce kette scratched in the bar at Jerry’s Tavern in Thunder Bay three beers in the case are loaded first one to spray two beers in his face loses eh sounds legit Jimmy no have you lost your

Freaking mind you’re betting our house on a stupid drinking game I won’t let you do it shut up you drunken mooch cookies right they’re baiting you Jimmy you can’t win hosers always think three beers ahead I got to do this I can’t live this way no more also I’m kind of

Thirsty nice one Jimmy oh okay no just uh false Alarm it’s down to four beers two beers Jimmy Two shut a CO Who’s the best right here guy pck her up a you’ve been hosed not so fast I wanted to study the effects of imported beer on hoser physiology everyone knows a genuine hoser body will reject any beer that isn’t brewed in Canada you’ve been drinking American Beer you hosers or

Posers so what bets a bet eh and we won that may be the case but you will no longer enjoy the protective Embrace of the Heritage protection Council of Canada posers are endangered but goofball LS like you are a dime a dozen you boys are on your own good day

A well Jimmy looks like you better start packing that was pathetic I can’t believe you lost who knew the Moose JW milk Ms would be so freaking tough oh look at that hot chicky I’d sure like to slip a puck past her goalie what did you say

Ah finally disposed of that toxic waste Jimmy yeah yeah that’s it toxic Waste how you doing I’m cookie McDougle I used to be cookie Falcone wife of Mafia big Shan Jimmy Falcone we was living the good life back then but I didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t want to know cuz I knew what was going on anyway Jimmy’s uncle cheich was

Giving away mob secrets so it was only a matter of time before he was 6 ft under and I’ve never been one to wait till the last minute he was such a good man I’m going to miss him so much don’t put red flowers beside red flowers

What’s the matter with you poor Che I’ll never forget his little laugh what are you doing you can’t put food next to a dead body get it out of here oh g g g wait get back here give me a crab cake oh it’s dry cook I got Noose I know

Jimmy it wasn’t your fault you did everything you could but Don gambini is an unbending man he bent when he hit the pavement I’ll tell you that these crab cakes are dry hey who died holy crap je you’re alive I’m so happy Jimmy you got

The dawn to call off the hit well yes and no mostly no see I threw the dawn out of window everyone wants to whack me so we moving to Canada and that’s how we wound up living here in Regina Vina sayat youan but if you think living here is going to change

Us you can go [ __ ] yourself forget about it she meant to say forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they be whacking Uncle G it

Take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor site wasn’t much along till the mble once in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he Red without his friends and

Move catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about It welcome my son how you doing I’m Jimmy Falcone Jimmy Falone Jimmy Falone I’m just kidding you’re not on the list you’re so not on the list maybe this will change your mind Jimmy you’ve done terrible things in your life murder assault trying to bribe your way into

Heaven okay try Jimmy McDougall I don’t think so are you all right do you need some water we’ll give you water sparkling or holy wow that could have been terrible what happened you got a wiener stuck in your throat I tried giving you mouth to mouth but I just kept pushing it further

In so I gave you a behind lck G I was at the Gates of Heaven and they wouldn’t let me in they said i’ done terrible things with my life who the hell it a a judge I don’t know Che it seemed so real like I was actually there let me ask you

Something Jimmy you ever wear a jacket you haven’t worn in a while and you find a $100 bill in the pocket I don’t know I guess well that did not happen to me but I did find Donnie the irishman’s ear and a yo-yo in my pocket get the hell out of

Here a yo-yo yep hey an Aly I better take a leak you never know how far to the next one we would like to buy some marijuana please all right let’s see the money you just took our money you calling me a thief let’s beat the crap out of him

What’s taking him so long Che come on let’s go thanks Mister you saved Our Lives what am I going to do not save your lives they got a special place in heaven for people like you thanks again Jimmy you ever been in an alley that didn’t smell hey what happened here

I saved some kids from getting their asses kicked I done something good I done good too I drowned a spider look at that all that reefer Going Up in Smoke hey we’re like those two Stoners from the movies cheats and Jimmy I guess we

Had to tie these guys up you got a rope yeah in my boy scout survival bag they let you in they told me to cut off was 35 I know I use the yo-yo oh man look at that another ear and it’s also a left whose jacket is This okay first of all we have to tenderize the meat how do we do that you’ll try come now what we order a pizza and a Therapist was watching MTV I want to watch the news I want to watch real teen Grandma those shows are stupid nuh-uh I want to find out if Amber’s going to deliver today or if she’s still grounded I stand corrected I got to say it’s felt really good helping those drug buying

Fra boys it was almost heroic just think how you’d feel if You’ done it on purpose pety put on Teleton the coyote and the running bird show is on I bet this time the bird gets eaten and last night in downtown Regina a vigilante broke up a drug deal a vigilante how

Cool is that hey that looks like a good job by some good citizen police claim the dealers were tied up with a yo-yo so let’s go to the man on the street vigilante epic or not epic epic because has a vigilante right here in Regina that’s going to bring tourists because

They know they’ll be safe it’s also the Cabbage Festival so double epic correct not epic you go to hell epic he’s protecting our children keeping drugs off the street that’s epic keeping drugs off the street not epic vigilante epic and he did it with a yo-yo he’s the yo-yo vigilante I just

Came up with that now over to Brick fitman with sports it’s not even game day and fans have come out in droves to support the yo-yo vigilante give me a b b give me an I give me a CH who wants yoyo get your yo-yos who

Wants yoyo ow my eye my teeth my baby b i j j i l a t t e what that Spell you believe this Che The Whole Town’s talking about us they love us unbelievable just for beating up a bunch of bikers I used to beat up people all the time nobody loved me they call me the as salent or that guy I didn’t like that they would point and say that guy

Would it have killed them to have learned my name I got a feeling this could be a chance for me cheich I mean maybe there’s a reason I nearly choked on a weenie maybe I can be a real real hero what about me can I be your what do

You call it boy toy you mean boy wonder I don’t know what was Robin boy toy okay not that how we going to do this Jimmy what if we don’t see no more bad guys oh we’ll see them or better yet they’ll see

Us oh my I am so drunk why would I leave my fancy mansion with so much money and expensive jewelry for someone to rub from me in my defenseless drunken State oh my I am far too drunk to ever fight back if someone tried to take my

WS of cold hard untraceable cash why or why would I come to a City Bar such as this it’s like I’m asking for it it’s as if I’m saying please rub me take heed stranger we don’t want nobody to taking advantage of your defenselessness condition they might steal all that fine

Jewelry so loosely hanging from your neck I think I will go outside to the alley kind sir I feel the need to throw up from the large amounts of alcohol that I have consumed b b hey Rich guy you’ve been yo-yoed Punk h sounds like trouble let’s roll hey Jimmy

We’re like that cop team starski and Cheich and I assure you that this is not acceptable behavior by any citizen of Regina we are the mounties and we will catch this yoyo vigilante he will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law why do you want to prosecute him he’s doing your job better than you because

The law clearly states why can’t the mounties arrest these Crooks before the vigilante well I don’t think the yo-yo yo yo what do you got against the yo-yo is there a drug problem in Regina why have yo-yos been banned from schools how often do you mount your horse finally

Regina has something Saskatoon doesn’t we have the only vigilante hero in the great province of Saskatchewan what do you think Jimmy epic or not epic I bet he’s just a regular guy who puts on his pants one sleeve at a time I wish I was more like him prowling the streets at

Night making my own rules getting kisses from women I’m not related to so you like this guy huh you think he’s going to get into heaven he’s already in heaven Jimmy this is Regina no Toby this is Heaven’s nut sack but it deserves to be

Safe I heard he’s 19 64 blond hair and has his own car a lady at the market told the cashier that her cousin saw him and he’s actually 38 gives foot massages and cries when when it rains no he’s 19 and he’s perfect for me no he’s 38 cares

How your day was and never misses the bull now go to your room hey what are you all talking about what everybody in town is talking about the yo-yo vigilante I so want to make out with him you put that thought out of your mind right now little lady that’s sick I mean

The man’s a criminal that’s where I’m torn on this whole deal on the one hand he’s busting Crooks which makes him a gavone on the other hand he’s breaking the law which I respect I would just like to meet him for one night he said stop saying

That you’re daddy’s little girl to the Yol cave I know you’re the yoyo vigilante pety I admit to being a yo-yo Dieter I just can’t shake those last 80 PBS but a vigilante that’s crazy talk oh is it all right you caught us but it just

Sort of happened we didn’t plan it we were a little drunk it was an accident but your mother and I still love you oh wait wrong speech all right how’d you know every sound in this house travels through those Vents and into my room yeah well if you think you heard Gloria

From a car wash in here the other night you did not so you admit you’re a vigilante you rat us out and I’ll come at you with the full force of a 68-year old man rat you out oh Contra I want to be the cue to your James Bond the Morgan

Freeman to your Batman the Elton to your John I want you to use my crime fighting stuff check this one out it’s a modified studfinder that identifies the guilty and the criminally insane hey it works this is my masterpiece laser farting gum it’s perfect if you’re being chased try

One what does it do give me a think I like it plus there’ll never be any doubt who dealt it the mounty wants to see us right away hang on I haven’t shown you my best one the holographic lady how does that fight crime who

Cares I’m sorry to drag you out at this time of night but it’s about the yo-yo vigilante I think I read something about that some handsome hero running around town stopping bad guys and dumming his nose at you feds he’s no hero it’s against the law to take the law into

Your own hands and I aim to stop him don’t stop him what you got to do with us I need your experience as you may know the legendary take me diamond is on display at the Regina Museum of stuff and I want you to steal it now you’re

Talking my language not really steal it of course I want you to break into the museum and attempt to steal it when the Vigilante arrives to stop you I will swoop in and arrest him you see gentlemen sometimes it takes a criminal To Catch a Criminal oh man you had to go

And G it up what’s in it for us Mak a chance to feel good about doing the right thing Jimmy something I believe you really really want you can’t tell me what I want what I really really want all right but you always see you there at midnight Midnight it is for Canada

And getting Antiquated lyrics stuck in your head come find me my hero what the what are you doing young lady mom you get in the house that’s so unfair I hate you and get me some batteries there’s some in my nightstand next to my never mind I’ll get

It all right I’ll be right over there when I give the signal you move in on the diamond that’s when the Vigilante will surely make his move I hope we catch those guys Jimmy how are we going to catch those guys we are those guys

Right well if I catch you I’m going to let you go you’re my nephew for Christ’s sake no one’s catching anybody it’s really simple all we got to do is sit here until morning cuz nobody’s showing up Hey look it’s Gina shut up M can’t know Gina busted in mol look there’s a

Hot girl in a bikini down the horle she’s getting away my goodness the Vigilante is a woman of course that’s why we couldn’t find her we were only looking for a man how sexist of us how UNC Canadian how Despicable and look at that ass Madam you’re under arrest gin

What the hell are you doing what’s it look like I’m doing I’m taking that diamond what the hell you doing here what are you going to do with a giant Diamond I’m going to fence it duh no I’m going to wind up fencing it for you cuz

You don’t know any fences it’ll be just like the time you got the hamster and I wound up feeding it cleaning its cage walking it then when you didn’t want it anymore I’m the one who had to drive it out to a farm in the country but pop get

Home now man when I grow up I’m going to let my children steal whatever they want she’s going to make a damn fine mom someday oh no M’s coming back okay quick what happened the Vigilantes got us where were you we could have been hurt yeah ow it’s the damnest thing the

Bikini lady just disappeared then I got a call from my captain saying they’ve captured the Vigilante what it was your boss from the tourism Bureau he confessed a Toby something I did it it was me I’m the Vigilante and visit Regina what the hell is that idiot kid

Doing I don’t know me neither whoa sweet for once I’m not the Dumber guy this is bear Che how could they have arrested Toby not only is he not the yo-yo vigilante he’s the nicest guy in the world that kind of hurts my feelings Jimmy it’s like the whole world has gone

Topsy curvy I try to do good so that I can redeem myself and a nice guy goes to jail because of it they’ll eat that kid alive in there Che our next Act of vigilantism is busting Toby out of prison it’s so exciting to be bad again

Or good whichever this is so a new plan and unfolds oh for the love it go outside you little freak give me your wallet all right all right here scream for help or I’ll shoot help here go home you’re useless Teresa what the hell are you doing nothing just

Meeting guys you’re trying to meet the Vigilante I told you he’s too old for you Teresa Maria Falcone is that a gun it’s just a water pistol see son of a [ __ ] it’s a real gun no wonder it kept leaking give me that thing you get in the house you’re grounded God that’s

Like so unfair Shake It Off cookie shake it off it’s just a gunshot wound you’ve had worse help help I’ve been shot I need a vigilante nothing What do we do now now we chew Lock and Load oh there’s a ton of guys in here how are we going to find ours the modified stud muffin finder do you want to buy some memorabilia I got OJ jerseys I got bubblegum cards gloves they’re hard to get on but they come off easy how about

A knife Where’d I put that thing damn I can never find that knife did you know he was a football player before he was a criminal hey come here come on come closer let me put this gun in your mouth and I’ll write you a song come on just for fun

I’ve been drinking what could go wrong Jimmy don’t look but I think that guy’s wearing a wig we’ll never find Toby with this thing everyone in here is a criminal except the guy we’re looking for then we reverse the polarities Star Trek the you hey you’re the Two Fellas who got me put

In here I didn’t do anything I was just jogging with my metrosexual man bag you think I haven’t used that one I invented I didn’t do it his story checks out and all I was trying to do was give you back your stupid monacle here his story too yeah and I’m in here

For trying to save a dog from Michael Vic’s Car I don’t get it everyone I put away was inoc I finally try to do some good and it all goes bad and why am I in my underwear Jimmy look it’s the fisherman of Alcatraz swim swim like the

Wind we got to find all the people we arrested and set them free not me Jimmy I’m already free this is where I belong these are my people thank you Jimmy thank you for doing good for once and now I beat you alive and then Toby eats us man can you

Imagine if that happened Jimmy you are so High shut up don’t make me laugh stop so what do you think should we tie these guys up are you out of your mind then the whole story could come true we got to get out of here before we do something good by mistake what about

Some people have put on this Earth to do good Che let’s get out of here before any of them come and arrest us that sure was a crazy story Jimmy but let me tell you something I am the demon go knock it off already how you doing you know back in

The old days you found out someone was getting whacked after it was done you’d be all Hey where’s so and so and everyone get all quiet like someone farted but with Che I found out in advance it was the day I had four root canals Wise Guys ain’t big on dental work but

Cookie made me go word came down from gambini cheich has got to die but I forgot where he lives I know I’m a terrible friend now where is he so I can go kill him what’ he say quit stalling Jimmy I promise I’ll make it quick and painless

For him okay only one of those is true what language is that stroke victim I was trying to plead for chicha’s life and explained that i’ just been to the dentist but I couldn’t get a word out ah so this is where he is there’s a

Good boy Jimmy they didn’t find Che but they came away with Something and that’s why four out of five gangsters never go go to the dentist but if you think Canadian Healthcare covers dental forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the CPP with a gambini but when he found out

That they be whacking Uncle G he take the boss he threw him from the 19 floor Suite wasn’t much along till the M want him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk at to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a

Pawn so he red out his friends and moved to catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about It then Mario says witch head I got a suitcase full of them I knew as much as I settled in for an evening of whittling in CBC Radio I heard a report of two rowdies causing a ruckus surprise surprise it’s you two we ain’t drunk enough to cause no Ruckus now we’re

Ruckus M you know what your problem is you don’t know how to have fun I certainly do why just last week I snowshoed across a Barren unforgiving Tundra to go ice fish oh very funny face it you boring boring eh we’ll see about that Bary fix me three Prin ing

Mounties what’s that a girly drink certainly not each ingredient of the princing mounty is cold from Canada’s finest fermenters and distillers plus 7 o of 180 proof Jamaican rum yeah girly drink to Canada where 08 isn’t the limit it’s the Minimum J oh what happened last night where the hell am I this place looks familiar Jimmy how much did we drink I don’t know it’s a blur I had a horrifying nightmare in which for some reason we left Regina And holy sh BS Joanie Mitchell’s paved Paradise we’re in newor York why are we in New York you tell me you’re the detective this is clearly some kind of fever dream brought on by last night’s debauchery here’s what I’ll do I’m going to will myself unconscious and when I

Awaken everything will be back to normal M cool that’s nuts you can’t morning jimo we really tied went on last night huh you made coffee do you know where we are we’re in New York what you stupid I had this nightmare that we were in some frozen crap hole in Canada

And our name was get this McGill Cy McDougall oh my God it’s the mountainy from my dream wait no this is the dream or is It what does that mean this is the end of my career I can’t call for help what would I say I thought I’d take the Falcone boys to New York to Recon connect them with the people who want them dead oh lovely that’s probably work wondering where I am so don’t answer it

This is my work phone I have to no you don’t special agent straight mol oh hello cookie thank God you answered Jimmy went out for a beer last night and didn’t come home I’m so worried what if something happened I don’t know what I’d do without him don’t worry cookie he’s

Uh with me he had a little too much fun last night oh I’m so relieved now tell that useless fat Fu not to come staggering home until he’s so his ass up cuz I am not dealing with a giant sweaty man baby all day oh and teich is also with me don’t

Care Jimmy is this your old house yeah it is but how do you know I added the last part they always leave me out why do I have to help clean out the garage I didn’t do anything wrong mom found cigarette butts outside so until the culprit comes forward we’re all

Paying for it only time I touch smokes is when I bu a Morpher reserve and sell them at the high school Gina that’s wrong if a 300% markup Is Wrong I Don’t Want to Be Right who’s this guy with Mom and why does he look like me maybe it’s your

Twin brother that’s impossible this guy’s at least 20 years older than me besides this is what happened to Petey’s twin why would they make a flip book of that probably so you could do this talk about shame eating it would appear the parts of your house that haven’t been vandalized and

Or used as a toilet have been converted into a Veterinary Clinic that’s cuz this is a mob doctor’s office Mob Doctor are usually greedy money grubbing veterinarians no kidding 50 G’s for a baboon heart and I can barely climb stairs uh I think the doctor is

In did you do this Che I didn’t touch the guy I leave him bloody not naked well I didn’t do it I have no idea what happened but the good doctor is wearing my handcuffs a boy Mol yes we can congratulate my decline into degeneracy

Later but right now we need to focus on getting out of here before DC it’s Leo open the door TTY got shot in the ass again oh crap it’s the gambini crew Dino Kick It In good day gentlemen oh yo where’s the regular doc I’m his uh brother his

Brother huh and all these guys uh these are my interns they’re uh deaf and mute so they won’t be able to say a single word not a single word now let’s uh get the patient into the um examining room Jimmy what’s wrong with you we’re deaf and mute close your

Eyes is the garage cleaned out yet Smokey what the hell are you you doing with that I want to know who that is that’s that’s none of your business forget your saw and do not bring it up in front of your father you hear me but

Who is he who is who the man in the picture what picture I don’t see any picture there’s no picture damn it my ring came off see what you made me do you nosy bastard shouldn’t you clean any potential obstructions around the abrasion collar of the contusion so we

Don’t get necrotic fitis I I’m sorry what shave his ass so head don’t get in the hole oh of course you two prep the patient you’re quite knowledgeable I grew up around here I seen more shots in the ass than a Catholic ala boy look at these clowns shaving asses for a living

Come on Dino let’s go smoke who’s he calling a clown hey I thought you was mute now he’s the deaf one oh so you are the mute exactly got it wait a minute we could argue all day about who’s mute and who’s deaf but we really should be

Focusing on your ass tutty you focus that razor on this man’s ass thanks Che no problem Jimmy you killed gambini for me it’s the least I could do Jimmy guys get in here it’s Jimmy Falone and Che who do I got to blow to get remembered around

Here guys get in here I got Jimmy F relax gentlemen Tooty had a reaction to the anesthetic he’s fine now wh what was all that about Jimmy Falcone he’s probably just upset about being in the man’s former house wait a sec how’d you know this was Jimmy’s house well no one

Breaks into a random residence and paints kill Jimmy Falone on the wall just hearing that stinking rat’s name makes me want to kill him and kill anyone he’s with and then kill a bunch of other people on account of being so keyed up come on Dino let’s go punch

Something quit flopping around I’m sorry to have to do this nice shot but cool I’ll see if I can find us a way out of here Che put some stitches and toties behind will you why what kind of pretend doctor would I be if I allowed this man to get necrotic

Fitis Maron look at all these drugs hit Meck me me don’t worry fellas I’m going to pick all of you y I found something it’s a long shot but it might work follow me did you sew up the hole in his keester yeah both of them but there was only one

Oh who are you how do you know my mom and what was your major at Harvard of course you’re my father and that’s what I’d look like with boobs this is never going to work what’s the matter with you mol it’s all I could come up with Jimmy I’m a little stressed out so cut me some slack okay sorry where’d you find is get up anyway just

Inside the door of an escape tunnel in the basement Calgary Stampede let’s go back where you going dock say that’s a nice animal wait a sec I don’t remember seeing and the horse inside Dino shut up what’s the matter with you he’s a vet you [ __ ] this is

Why you still live in your mother’s basement May out you son of a [ __ ] where the hell have you been ah crap it’s Marie remember Marie there’s a piece of work can shoot me now Jimmy what are you doing out here with these mukes I bet you forgot her anniversary

Didn’t you oh baby of course not I was said just talking to the duck here about your big surprise I uh no you weren’t sure I was I was explaining how if you didn’t help me out I’d put you and your fancy [ __ ] horse in the East Riv in small

Packages oh yes that this better be Good H great I’m back in New York and I don’t even get to see it oh smells like New York back Here H so you’re the one who was smoking Teresa you saw nothing I guess it makes sense everyone in this family is a big fat liar Who you calling fat and Who you calling a liar wait no I’ll give you that one now I know why I don’t fit in

Because the man in that picture is my real father but you and Papa so alike I can’t even finish that maybe this needle dick is your father does that make pety a bastard yeah so nothing’s changed mock all you want I’m going to Harvard to find my dad ah the

Guy graduated from Harvard it’s not like he lives there yeah the only people who live at their schools are janitors and Harry Potters I know it’s just a starting point in my search for my is somebody smoking it’s py I knew it going to Harvard Bye ah this is the slowest goddamn horse in New York somebody give him some hay or something yo DC what gifts Jesus hdin Baker did we steal a plane you’re killing my anniversary here tell the horse to go faster or someone’s going to be shaving your ass tonight help me out

Here what the hell’s that hor stimulant from the Vets office Jesus cheat who finds random drugs and then just takes them I do Jimmy it’s called living yeah well don’t get any big Ideas ow I don’t feel nothing I think that was a dck hell of a th bread you got there doc

That gives me an Idea that horse better come up a winner or it’s the glue factory for him the cement shoe store for you and the supermarket for me killan makes me hungry I think we can totally do this I think we can totally do this every moment of my life has led me to doing

This let’s do This it’s a beautiful morning at Belmont the Sun is shining the horses are ready and the Great Canadian invasion was a folks alarm I don’t know what you did at the park but do it again as soon as you hear the Bell we took speed lots of

Speed I never thought I’d say this but thank God for illegal drugs in Gate five we’ve got Saucy buckets and in Gate six we have obviously a pantomime horse that’s the horse’s name folks down the description it’s a good name Did we win the important thing is did we have fun and no we did not damn it I needed that money to find my way out of this horrible life what did you just say I said let’s go put that stinking animal out of our misery that’s what I thought you Said so this is Harvard I always always wondered when you would realize the truth my son father come join my research team Peter I’m developing a pill that cures global warming but how it makes human flatulence refill holes in the ozone layer you said flatulence that’s science for farts he come home to

M mama no oh I’ll be your mama okay Peter Frampton McDougall get off this bus right now I want to meet my real father keep this up and I’ll see to it you me Jesus now come on I always thought that if I died inside a horse it would be more sexual

That’s shaky Dino bonini guy can’t shoot to save his life life keep moving till he runs out of bullets hey yo silver keep still Leo you got to see this you kill him yet how do you like that the horse has got moves that gives me an Idea so this is just a horse dad for 3 hours see what happens when you gloss over rehearsals how could you think I’d have a kid with someone other than your father because I look so much like that guy he’s your uncle my brother Paulie The Brainiac you have a brother why’d

You keep him a secret from us your father put him through Harvard but when he found out what pop did for a living paully ratted him out on a two bit G aming thing popped it a year in Attica oh so obviously Paulie’s dead now Jimmy

Let it slide as long as we never spoke of Paulie again you are definitely your Father’s son mainly because you’re both dopes and cuz Paulie got picked up exposing himself in the subway what a sicko getting naked in public weren’t you once a stripper that was for money which is socially

Acceptable I told you the script needed w we should have hired David mammoth and have the horse saying and all over the stage no thanks we got to retool maybe do out of town previews bottom line is the horse is done I’m replacing him with Nathan Lane obviously a panim horse your

Time is up it’s going to be horse Stakes tonight boys so this is how it ends to be fair I knew we were dead after Rex Reed’s review mol where you been not trying to get tickets for this debacle I’ll tell you that but thank the Northern Lights

You’re still alive we won’t be for long if you don’t get us out of here boys I owe you an apology this Escapade was clearly the result of my trying to prove I was fun we owe you an apology you’re a freaking wild man yeah this is the best

Time I’ve had in years of course I can’t remember that many years but still thank you gentlemen that means a lot coming from you all right let’s mop up the circle jerk cuz we’re in big trouble [ __ ] up boys we’re going back to Canada yeah in a pine box no the same

Way we came on the backs of prancing mounties I’m scared jimy me too who knows where we could wind Up I’m on it We’re home we did it we been it where you been Pop I got drunk dressed as a horse ran for my life you know weekend stuff I did some stupid stuff too you know what they say pety if you like my father then you’ll like my

Son that’s not at all what they say whatever you’re the one with the brains do I smell smoke it’s probably pey what’s wrong with you don’t you don’t smoke it I’ll kill you all right see you later Broadway and not a word of this to anyone Jimmy for Canada

Where how you doing I’m Jimmy Falone currently known as Jimmy McDougall back in the old days when I was a big shot the most important person in my life was my lawyer when you make make an honest live and breaking the law never misunderestimate the value of a good

Shyer suppose I allegedly tried to whack a guy and he went to the cops would I be in trouble H the guy was available night and day it’s me I know it’s 4:00 a.m. and you’re in the Hampton but you got to come to the city and bail me

Out I need you to get rid of this for me Nothing seemed to phase this guy then out of the blue he Robs a liquor store and get sent to jail this guy went to Harvard why would he do that thank God just put me in a deep dark hole and get me away from Jimmy Falone anyway now that I’m in witness

Protection I don’t need no lawyer cuz I got my own personal mounty hey Mol can you get me one of them new smarty pants phones we’ve been through this jimmmy I can’t cater to your every little whim the answer is no so just I can’t believe I’m going to say this forget about

It let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they’d be whacking Uncle G he take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor Suite

Wasn’t much a long till the M went in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a fun so he red out his friends and M catch you on forget about it forget about it forget

About it oh forget about It so they took your appendix Hol I give you one of mine but it’s probably messed up from hard living but Uncle cheich the human appendix is a vestigial organ I’ve been kicked into vules I feel your pain mul I hope you like the flowers it was the most expensive ones they had

Nothing’s too good for our mounty we got the banner just in case listen doc this guy’s a friend of the family send his bill to us what bill I like you you learn first cookie is Jimmy coming his smiling face and ceaseless cigar smoke always brighten my

Day don’t worry I’m sure he’s on his way I sent that bone had plenty of reminders Ah crap I slept past five what’s with him he’s looking right at me he’s still there what if he’s a Hitman this is bad son of a Toby what are you doing sneaking up on a guy like that oh sorry Jimmy I just came to remind you if

You’re gonna stay late oh don’t forget to put in for overtime thanks Toby oh my pleasure all right you bastard you want me come get me Got You Toby jeez sorry I thought you were someone else maybe I should start wearing a bow wish you have thought of that earlier it’s that guy

Again what guy all I can see are fuzzy Shapes you’ve reached special agent straight mol just leave a message Jimmy you’re the only one whoever calls M I’ve been made there’s a guy tailing me meet me at home and grab me a slice on your way I’m Starving oh what the hell Ma you know that bad Gina has in her room with a all a sign on it sure sure money bear okay I was in a room getting rid of anything that might be construed as evidence and I think I might have threw up money bear

What you know how Gina gets when you touch her stuff remember when you tried to get her off the pacifier she was like a badger CLA and scratching and that sound she made I wore an eye patch for a year exactly so I don’t want to know about

This I can’t believe my own daughter’s going to abandon me in a time when I’m in danger for my other daughter what nothing no why’ you have to drag me into this I didn’t do anything shut up shut up you’re in it now someone’s after me I need a gun thanks kid

Where’d you get this you want a gun or you want to ask stupid questions where the hell were you homac Cool’s lying in the hospital and you can’t wait a second mol’s in the hospital why didn’t you tell me that means we’re on our own what

Are you talking about I don’t got time to explain I think we’ve been made whoa easy tiger boy Jimmy I’ve been trying to introduce myself all night but you kept giving me the slip who the hell are you and who sent you I came and as I

Got your message Jimmy this is FBI agent Rick chick magnet is pepperoni okay all they had was pepperoni it’s kind of cold what do you feds want from me now the bureau wants to interview you for an ongoing investigation Jimmy nice to meet you I’m special agent mul let me guess first name

Natso nice uniform natso so what do you say Jimmy deal or not a deal no way I had enough of being a no good snitch for one lifetime in the eyes of the US government you’re no snitch you sir are a hero you sure you

Got the right Jimmy oh and by the way I brought 8 lbs of gabou from pully’s Deli in New York yay Jimmy what’s a gabo it’s lunch meat Now put on some pants will you come on in chick magnet I guess I’ll be heading back to the old

Hospital H Canada and oh my stitches popped Well Jimmy you’ve been a huge help the tip about Don barini alone is enough to blow the case wide open when you take him down tell them I said yo I sure will now listen between you and me how do you like it up here in the great mild North

Don’t ask what if I told you that as a reward for your cooperation the bureau is willing to relocate your family what that’s right Jimmy to Sunny California really what did you say California are you serious the details are right in here I’ll take you and cheich down to

The North Dakota field office for processing and the family can meet us in California you hear that we’re going to be Americans again but wait I was just getting to like it here the schools are better the medical care is topnotch and I just finished building my first igloo

In the backyard pipe down pety you can build plenty of Googy Goos in California hang on pety might have a point is it right to keep moving the kids around like homeless gypsies let’s get the out of here Wo chick magnets giving you a six-bedroom house a full cable package and a job as a nude beach lifeguard are you sure you don’t want to stay in Canada Jimmy I’m positive California’s got sunshine no snow and unfitted access to burritos my hands are tied here well

Then I suppose the this is goodbye really I never hugged a cop before unless I was stabbing him in a way you have stabbed me Jimmy right through the heart Jee all right you’re crying now no no my incision became severely infected when I left the hospital to meet you last night

That’s what you get for ignoring doctor’s orders anyway I’ll send you a postcard it’ll have my new name on it Jimmy Gonzalez What are you doing I got a replacement for money bear you think that piece of crap’s going to fool Gina where’s the dollar sign on the front I’ll sew it on but first we got to age it to look like money bear what’s he look like I need

Details I don’t know ask pety I can he’ll say mother honesty is the best policy and get us all killed wait it had an eye missing good good so we’ll pry off one of the son of a bitch’s eyes which one thinkk I had it but you slapped it out of Me well Igloo ins saying goodbye to you I’m also saying farewell to Canada yeah we’re leaving right now don’t sweat it they don’t suspect a thing I’m not telling you where they are you’ll send guys to whack them and I don’t get my million dooll Bounty see

You in Fargo you bring the money I’ll bring the falones God I hate Canada snow in my pants all right boys let’s head off to your new life so long cook next time you see me we’ll be in sunny California and I’ll be selling oranges at the offramp

In a leopard print thong you take good care of my Jimmy okay course I will it’s not like I’m going to get him across the border put a bullet in his head and sell him to the Mob or anything call Mol searching for my stool would you like me to book a Colonoscopy agent mcul Special here M Rick chick magnet is going to kill my dad slow down I’m on morphine so I’m having trouble following who’s this again it’s pety Rick chick is taking Dad and cheats to the Mob chick Rick magnet what are you calling me for you think

You’re so cool you want cool try morphine this [ __ ] is awesome this isn’t chick magnet it’s pey pey hey kid I tell you if I tried this morphine junk when I was your age I never would have become a cop I’d have become a jazz dancer snap

Out of it my dad’s in trouble did I ever tell you how mommy supported us when Daddy left the men she brought home we called them my uncles no Uncle I won’t fix you a drink get your own damn highball you filthy pervert what am I going to do Dad’s

Going to die help Help I’m bored are We There Yet hey let’s play I Spy what are you six take it easy chick magnet just kidding all right I’ll go first I spy with my little eye something that’s going to get slaughtered what see a truck full of lambs oh right good one I’ll try again I

Spy with my little eye dead meat who me no no there’s some road kill over there one more I spy with my little eye two Wise Guys who are going to get whacked all right you’re freaking me out what relax it’s just Martin scorsese’s new movie we are so seeing that hey cheich

Che aw he fell asleep why Mommy you don’t have to turn on the red light wow what a trip won’t be doing that again oh look py called thundering Thunder Bay Jimmy Gallop Like the Wind Horse Jimmy’s in trouble for Canada where friendship trumps infection every time Okay now we run him through the dryer a bunch of times to make him look old I can’t do this I can lie to you and pop but Gina she’s got those eyes they burn right through you don’t you fall apart in me now if this doesn’t look exactly

Like money bear you and me are going to California in a pine box what the hell are they talking about Fone bear for he’s right down here what are they so freaked out about I’m out you’re out when I say you’re out I can have a lot of fun with

This look at that three more kimson will be in the good old us of first thing I’m going to do is get me some poutine and a bottle of maple syrup hey get a load of mol Jesus Christ are you kidding me let us go it’s going

To the best for us at least it’s a double cross I can’t hear you I’ll Skype you from C yo chick magnet relax he’s just trying to say goodbye again pull over screw that you’re under my jurisdiction now technically not for two more Kims oh oh we’re alive Jimmy you know what this

Means seat belts actually work mol you crazy bastard what are you doing oh Ron Ron what’s he saying rum rum poor bastard needs a drink I know the feeling quit fooling around this guy needs help oh God could you possibly be more danc I’m trying to kill you you

Stupid [ __ ] but what about Cal oh why the hell are you trying to kill us you’re a Fed I’d explain but I hate it when bad guys stand around telling their plan when they could just kill the hero I’m a lot of things but a hero ain’t one

Of them my eyes God do you ever washed your feet hey Jimmy if I drop my pants do I get a piggy back too between you and me my nuts are like ice cubes I know I know I’m cold too oh I mean all the time we need to find

Shelter hey maybe there’s a Howard Johnson’s out here how about that old Bond I bet that joint don’t even have Cable damn it it still looks good as new and he smells spring fresh oh I’ll warm up the car we’ll run over his head a couple times who head is m going to run over oh hi Gina how are you little sis what’s behind your back what oh nothing

All right now you got me curious and when I get curious I like answers you know how I like to get answers Teresa how the hard Way poor guy’s turning blue we got to find something to start a fire don’t waste your time he knew this was a one-way ride come on Che the guy risked his life to save my ass after I treated him like a jerk which makes him a huge pushover

But still way I see it if he dies we can survive on him for weeks he’s built like Conan the Barbarian not the weird redhead on TV Che I’m hungry too but we’re not eating mol get a fire going you work nights as an aist should be a cinch look for anything that’ll

Burn forget it Jimmy we’re all going to freezing here wait I know this ought to burn for a while changed your mind ah the tag was chafing Me so you threw out money bear you got any idea why I call him money bear cuz I keep money in him that’s why I had three brand in there hey where’s Mom dad’s in TR now let’s have a little talk about how I’m going to get my money

Back I’m not the one you want it’s ma she dragged me into this oh sure I get it you was just an innocent bystander oh God I’m so sorry Gina I’ll get your money I promise whatever it takes just don’t hurt me all right seeing as your family I’ll cap the big at

3% and let this be a lesson to you don’t keep no secrets from me easiest three grand I ever made this ain’t what it looks like get up to your room you’re grounded ah crap that’s it she’s grounded you didn’t say a word about throwing out a stupid

Bear what am I I going to incriminate myself oh that’s great I owe her a bunch of money and you got off with nothing Well kid I’m a mob wife I got an instinct for dodging bullets how much you into it for anyway I don’t know how many dollars are in 3% I can’t take this no more we got to fight back our first mistake was not bringing guns wait a sec M might have a gun I’m waye here what are you doing passing the time till help comes give me that find something to make clothes we’re going

Outside hey we could have just burned this stuff all right chick magnet get him up get him up you sound like a no good cop let’s eat him hands yippy Cay Sheriff oh you making fun of me nah just kidding around officer it out you saying I got

Soft no I’m saying i’ have shot the guy already oh yeah how’s that you miss the old snowman decoy trick works every time except in summer you’re a disgrace chick magnet turning your back on your badge for a few lousy bucks more like a million bucks Jimmy what me and

Chicha worth a million bucks to the Mob just for you for chicha get a coffee maker oh oh I went up I used to be worth a three pack of tube socks the only coffee you’ll be Brewing will be in prison chick magnet mol you’re alive now who am I going to have

For lunch your humble shirt and pants fire was enough to temporarily spur my immune system Jimmy now let’s see how your immune system handles a hot lead injection donkey [Applause] dong horse good boy give them hell horsey stop it horse you’re only stomping lifeless pulp h on boys no sense riding on an empty stomach let’s roast up the Gman before we go enough with the cannibalism what do you want from me I got a craving hey told us what happened are

You boys okay everyone’s fine despite being chased by a lunatic out for personal gain funny same thing happened to me and Teresa but why let one Rogue Federal agent ruin the big move to California about that cookie it appears that chick magnet engineered the whole thing I know what a

Bastard but we’re still going right right sorry cook Jesus Christ well mcole I guess you ain’t getting rid of us that easy I suppose not I must thank you Jimmy you went above and beyond to keep me alive h just burned a shirt off my back it was none

No Jimmy it was proof you like me you really like me well I should get back to hospital the infection is starting to take hold again let’s cook them like a Christmas ham how you doing I’m Jimmy turncoat McDougall I’ve been in Canada a while

Now but there was a time when I was not so versed in its lame ass ways I’m confused I thought Canada was a state like Iowa or South America it’s a separate country attached to the top of America like a bad tupe or a brain tumor

Hey gang I asked the mes Hall to prepare some authentic Canadian cuisine in anticipation of our naturalization e this is a French Canadian dish it’s french fries cheese curds and wao did you say cheese CDs Kurds like Kurds and Whey in Little Miss Muffet I don’t care who she is she just

Murdered them french fries and then someone blew a load all over him what’s the brown stuff looks like crap do they eat crap in Canada they do not eat crap in Canada so what do them Frenchies call this stuff actually it doesn’t matter what it’s called sure it does let’s hear

It I don’t want to say Pia can’t just roll out covered cheese fries and hold out on the name fine it’s called poutine what was that poutine all right is called poutine I rest my case but it ain’t all bad up here they got this fluffy delicious taste sensation called a

Beaver tail thanks pety my pleasure boy those sure went fast I’m all over it get the maple syrup we’ll be licking tail and eating beaver in no time now that we live here in vagina if you think we’re above making a few obvious Beaver jokes forget about

Let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they be whacking Uncle Che he take the boss he threw him from the 19 floor Suite wasn’t much along

Till the mble once him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and mo catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about It he’s a big City lawyer he’s a West Coast beach comr along with their wacky special needs Kine they’re two men and half a dog that looks terrible is it me or is everything up here a crappy imitation of stuff they do better in the states Gods Wallop Jimmy our culture is

As strong as a California Redwood uh a BC Redwood here’s a PR example the Canadian Football League a true original adding Canadian doesn’t make it original it just makes it suck well cheich seems to like it hey there’s one of Ryder nation’s more dedicated fans I wonder if

This guy could be any more green yes yes he can [Applause] folks hey Jimmy what are you doing you’re going to conu football games behind my back I go to games I go to rubbing tugs I lead a rich and varied life Jimbo it’s like Invasion of the

Body snatches you’re one of them a Canadian but it’s great three Downs instead of four bigger field faster more exciting game you’re just jealous cuz I’m assimilating better than you fine I’ll give it a shot can’t be worse than Canadian TV go go go touchdown we did it we’re going to the

Great cup be yes great cup gr cup great wait what the [ __ ] is a great cup I don’t know why they picked py to work at the TV station don’t they want someone beautiful on camera I’m just observing for my elective credit I’m not actually on camera a too bad said no one

But me just now and I can’t remember why besides ladies love journalists hopefully they love guys who sit near them as well I don’t need to tell anyone with a pulse that this weekend Regina is hosting the gray cup that’s the football championship named after the fourth Earl

Of gray no one gives a sh dude to Sarah mclaughin harshing everyone’s Buzz at last year’s game Sunday’s halftime show will be hair Metal Gods snake Hammer oh my God oh my God oh my God call in now and sing your favorite snake Hammer song

For a chance to go to the game and meet the [Applause] band what’s the number what’s the number 9 one one 911 what’s your emergency I need snake Hammer tickets great game Bubba we out in here sure I just want to say hi to the

Boys great game fellas way to take it up the middle that’s how you pound a weak side nice ass Billy fellas this is my nephew Jimmy good to meet you thanks uh Dexter go on now that all you got boy so we on for Saturday fellas damn

Straight Che I told the guys if we made it into the great cup I’d take them all out for dinner forget that you’re all coming over to our place who’s with [Applause] me ma someone’s about to butcher a song by that band you like among the many losers

In our snake Hammer contest this next one’s so awful it can only be a sign of the coming apocalypse you’re going to love this they’ve been playing it all afternoon it’s a rain night I know right cat’s getting gutted so better than this my ass it’s not that bad what are

You kidding it’s Terri oh my God this this is you don’t you dare tell anyone that’s me that was cookie McDougall cookie McDougall you are a terrible [Laughter] singerie thanks for fitting us into your busy schedule Dexter hey man we playing the CFL someone say free food we come

Running and what a running game you guys got we going to need it against Toronto that’s a world class City how’s that you ever meet someone from Toronto within 30 seconds they tell you they’re from a world class City New Yorkers have a name for Toronto nice try it’s a rainy

Night what’s going on cook stereo’s broken who wants more six alarm chili no thanks I’m a vegetarian don’t worry this ain’t real meat it’s pigeon did you say pigeon it’s good huh I use my senior’s discount at the dollar store North Korea’s finest oh Christ Jimmy I don’t feel

So are you kidding me pigeon meat oh I suppose his majesty would prefer seagull the rich man’s pigeon [Applause] It’s [Applause] Bur hey a beak in North Korea that’s good Luck Saskatchewan’s great cup dreams took a nightmarish turn today when the entire team fell violently ill nothing means anything anymore I’m going home I’m just supposed to be observing can I at least get some [Laughter] powder football fans are gathered out side Wiscon Hospital on the eve of the

Great cup defensive tackle Dexter Mills urged Ryder Nation not to lose Faith please let me die sources suggest the team got food poisoning at this area home oh wow that’s my house near that house where the bloodthirsty mob has gathered ah poor Jimmy can’t catch a [Applause] break

Oh ow Jesus Christ Chief ow what the hell sorry Jimmy I thought you was one of them nut jobs trying to get in oh good lord Jimmy cheats what the heck what are you doing in here mol you should be outside getting them lunatics off my sidewalk Jimmy if you thought

Crossing the mafia was dangerous wait until Ryder Nation soers up enough to get their hands on you excuse my French but Satan grow problem I got no idea what you just said well get used to it because that’s what you’ll be hearing when I put you in double witness

Protection in Northern Quebec o those guys hate Canada as much as we do if we forfeit you die sincerely the people of Saskatchewan he yes sorry about the window we enclosed a check for the cost of replacement I think this is for you no one politely threatens

Me make sure he gets his ball back great catch Jimmy great throw mol great chili chees mol excuse my French but I ain’t [ __ ] moving to Quebec Ma you got to snap out of this what I can’t hear you I can’t hear anything it’s great ew those are teach’s sex

Pillows You Can’t Hide here forever this is the only place I’m safe from that freaking song and those angry snake Hammer fans outside don’t worry they’re just here to kill pop for Wrecking the gay cup squishy that’s Teresa have a heart put it on vibrates and miss a call M just calm

Down oh crap nice shirts I got a truckload of them what’s your size cheich and I assembled a team to take the rightest spot in a gray cup yes of course you have very good you do Tickle My Funny Bone Jimmy I’m serious this is

The only chance we got to get people on our side and to keep them from crapping in our mailbox that’s my toilet you’ll be slaughtered like cookie slaughtered that song on the radio the alternative is we throw cheats to the fans and they rip them to Pieces it’s good to have

Options prir O’s playing slotback May schwas tight end there’s one spot left to fil mol and it’s got to be you with your arm and my smarts we can’t lose what that I could but I cannot I once had a promising football career but that was all before the

Injury a concussion so severe for weeks I thought I was a late night talk show Sidekick so this football player walks into a bar ouch heyo who’s with me I’m sorry gentlemen I cannot risk another concussion to help you in this ludicrous Endeavor fine we’ll do it

Without you I’ll be damned if the great cup gets cancelled on my watch give me a grand on the Argos what do you mean no screw you Gina despite unseasonably warm minus 35 temperatures the stands gray cup are empty Regina will be out to Forfeit momentarily so I will have the evening free ladies wait a group of middle-aged men posing as the Rough Riders are taking the field and here come the Toronto Argonauts

World class city world World CL city world class city world class City bet you wish you ate my chili now oh boy my dad is screwed okay so they’re big does that make them better than us yes so they’re pro athletes does that make them better than us so they’re highly skilled

Hang on let me rethink this but I knew most of the answers when you guys are out there getting pulverized I want you to remember what we’re playing for endorsement deals ride of Pride we’re not going to stand by and be the first team to ever a forfeit a gray Cup who’s with Me bit of a mixed message but I’ll take it hey lady what’ you do with my mother I am your mother Gina and it’s time I started acting like it is this about that horrible Song Ma cuz if it is you’re overreacting snake Hammer was

Fine when I was in my teens but I’m a grown-up lady now and you know what it says in the Bible oh oh wait I noticed uh Jesus throws a big dinner party yeah and one of the Jonas Brothers betrays him for 30 peanuts of silver no it says

You have to put away childish things like rock albums and hopes and dreams and you too are so going to Bible Camp Ma you think you’re a failure but you’ve gone viral that was 20 years ago and penicillin took care of it no no like that video of the toddler with the

Shotgun the girl who plays trumpet with her butt flattering as that is I think I’m going to stick to being an adult from now on no more Snake Hammer oh my God is he CER head from snake Hammer I’m looking for the chick who mangled Our Song here she Is world Class okay so far so good it’s our ball and nobody’s Dead come on Jimmy let me be quarterback shut up I’m quarterback but I got this play worked out it’s a short thing 26 4 Hur blue hey H you’ll never see it coming let’s keep that one in our back pockets for Later you weren’t going to start this party without me were you what changed your mind you did Jimmy you stood tall While others kneeled in front of the toilet yaking the their guts out come here you crazy son of a [ __ ] if you guys are done choking each other’s

Chickens we got some football to play You’re call M fast and loose on Two you okay m is your conditioner making you impotent find out after the break and we’re back this Rider B Squad sure has heart in fact I see one of their hearts on the field now and an Argo player just ate it there’s a hearty meal

Am I right you’re not supposed to be up here terrific lucky we still got this guy the only Rough Rider you didn’t almost kill with your chili cuz he’s a vegetable you mean vegetarian hi now he’s a vegetable at the half the stadium appears to be filling up as fans get

Behind this rag tag Bunch or maybe they’re just here for snake Hammer I hear the lead singer had a few too many backstage he got snake hammered is this thing on sometimes in life you take a few knocks you got to get back up and give

What you got this little lady right here took a beating and didn’t let it get her down put your hands together for cookie what’s your name ever her [Applause] Name Who’s Laughing Now you jag offs hit it boys it’s a rainy night on a Boulevard my socks are squishy she my life is myse is R but kiss my ass your good for you cook good for You we’re done Jimmy it’s time to throw in the towel I’ll do it just show me where they keep the towers you want to give up lie down and die like stinking dogs no I just want to go home why are you going to make it sound so ugly those

People out there are starting to believe in us we give up now we’re giving up on them and ourselves and all the kids who dream of playing in a league full of guys who couldn’t cut it in the NFL those AO nut sacks got you believing that you ain’t good enough that you

Ain’t world class well I say they’re wrong and if you agree with me I’ll see you on the field who’s with me so we going for ribs or what H and we’re back for the second half wow my mom performed at halftime my dad’s on

The team which one did you blow to get this job hey pay yourself give me something I can use I’m dying Here Jimmy speech my speech worked God know you’re my right home let’s hit him where it hurts it’s time to get in there heads how do we do that tiny submarine world class City no here’s what we’re going to do yo number 10 it’s the NFL calling for

You really of course not you Fu suck hey so when’s the last time Toronto hosted the Olympics well never but we had the panm games panm games that’s cute two Subway Lines you’re about his world class is Cleveland hey this gutsy performance has brought Rider Nation back it doesn’t get more

Exciting than this I am so hard right now hey world class [ __ ] is theant Tower still the tallest building in the world well no [Applause] but I’m feeling something cheich something I ain’t felt since we moved up here Eternal Bleeding no it’s Pride all right let’s finish this hey nut how many

Years since El least won the cup [Applause] shouldn’t someone tell him we lost sure we lost but look at Toronto the miserable world class city world class City come on guys world class City shut up Doug but Jimmy we still lost the game so what it’s uh what do you call it

Moral Victory but we lost it’s not about winning or losing it’s how you play the game oh God you’re one of them you turned Canadian no don’t forget tonight’s game will be followed by the second and final episode of Two Men and half a dog I love that

Show how you doing I’m Jimmy McDougall but I used to be Jimmy Falcone you probably read about me in the papers Mafia Big Shot turned government stooling what you don’t know is despite all the bad stuff I done in my life the one thing I’m most ashamed of was

Ratting out my friends that and the time I had to give my grandmother a bath he was so gentle you mind Mr Falcone you told us your crimes now please point to your accomplices how could I do it I love these guys sure they was trying to

Kill me but that’s no reason to ruin a buddy’s life uh uh what was the question again enough stalling Mr Falcone either you testify and you and your family will receive protection or you can all take your chances on the street that’s blackmail arrest that man final warning

Mr Falcone fine to keep my family safe I’ll do it here goes ready I’m going to point now yes I am can you feel the tension you can cut it with a knife especially you Tommy have it your way Mr Falcone perhaps your friends will give you a ride home

Okay him him him him him him him now get us to Arizona uh Mr Falcone it may be best if you don’t announce where we’ll be hiding you yeah that was dumb can’t hide in Arizona now how about Florida oh my God New Mexico and that’s how we came

To be living here in vagina re Saskatchewan but if any of you think a little cold weather’s going to get us down forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that

They be whacking Uncle G it take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor site wasn’t much along till the M went him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a fwn so

He red without his friends and M catch you on forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about it leave the sauce alone Jimmy okay Gina do your homework I already did it I want to check it Jimmy leave the sauce alone okay it’s not due till Thursday today is

Wednesday it’s not due till Friday Now you listen here young lady mom can I have $400 no when I say do your homework you do your homework not later not after your show but now Jimmy the sauce okay I already handed it in that’s not fair why

Not because I said so you did not hand it in and leave the sauce alone okay mother you catch more flies with honey than vinegar and it’s always best to lead by example observe Gina I already did my homework and now I’m doing it a second time get out of town honest

Homework can be fun it can for real I hope she wets on you Daddy can I have $400 Kate what the hell are you doing are you giving her money I just said no the kids always come to me after you say no why

Do I have to be the bad guy why can’t you ever be the bad guy cook we met when I robbed your father’s liquor store I’m always the bad guy oh and then we got drunk on the stor samuka it was our first date to this dat I don’t know why you

Don’t like me all right Teresa maybe I answered too quickly why do you want the money well I was at the mall the other day and I saw the cutest little cashmere dog I would look so adorable with its little fluffy head peeking out of my little designer purse I’d bend over to

Give it a little kiss and everyone would look at me and just die honest to God cook it’s like Chinese to me three * 10 yes that is boring but what if it asked three of your friends owe you $10 each how how much money are

You owed in total 30 34 with a big and I better have it by Friday you’re right this is Fun Jimmy you know what I love most about Regina the excitement yes but more than that in addition to being the capital of Saskatchewan Regina is also the second largest city in the province after Saskatoon and Canada’s 18th largest by population it summer agricultural exhibition was originally established in 1884 as the

Ainoa agricultural Association I got it I don’t want it but it’s something to do so I got it vagina tourism you may need a bit more training Regina tourism why yes Regina was named in 1882 after Queen Victoria I.E Victoria Regina by her daughter Princess Louise no sir that’s SAS we’re the

Second largest no sir that’s Saskatoon also no no no that’s all Saskatoon well if you love Saskatoon so much why don’t you just marry it unlike other planned cities in the Canadian West Regina had no topographical features other than Wascana Creek early planners I tell you cheich I can’t take

This job no more all I do is sit around thinking a waste off myself and I’m running out of ideas whoa whoa slow down let’s talk this through have you considered exploding yourself in a microwave like i’ done to eddit [ __ ] I’m not actually trying to kill myself

Cheich I’m just a little down hey you seem a little down Jimmy but I know what you need yes sir I know exactly what you [Applause] need a good oldfashioned strip joint ah ah a taste to the old life great idea cheich don’t tell cookie wow I feel good

Just saying that again don’t tell Cookie okay okay I haven’t actually been in one but I’ve been scoping them out don’t worry I got others I can’t find my foot what’s the difference between a duck I don’t know what is the difference between a duck I already told you I don’t know stop

Asking me oh there it is I found my foot oh no sorry it’s someone else’s foot I don’t even want to go inside I can’t believe it a town called vagina and not one strip club what’s become of us Jimmy it’s times like this I’m glad I’m in witness protection

Because if anyone back home knew I lived in a town with no strip club I’d be so embarrassed I’d have to go in a witness protection you can say that again you know if some dumb schmuck would have a brain open a strip club in this town he

Can make some serious coin he’d make a freaking Fortune hey we could be that dumb schmuck Che we’re going to open a strip club Jimmy you’re a genius I would never have thought of that a strip club it’s perfect for us it’s our bed and butter I believe the

Expression is bed and breakfast so it’s agreed tomorrow we dig out the next day get our money from the old life find a place and start renovating this is a great idea it’s a license to bring money every man in town will be there oh my

God we got a problem is it peeing Jimmy I got such a problem peeing no the FED our goody two shoes mounty our protector he’ll never let us do this and we don’t tell him and just to be safe we don’t tell him no one this club will be our

Little secret K you’re definitely not in charge of marketing I got here as fast as I could Jimmy what’s the problem because two problem me problem okay before you say no hear me out me and cheich want to open a strip club the town don’t have one so we’re providing a

Public service and if it don’t work nobody gets hurt but us there’s no log in it Jimmy I think it’s a splendid idea I will be there opening night to support you horny bastard I beg your pardon that’s what we’re calling it The horny

Bastard so we can do this as long as you follow the provincial guidelines be breasts and bums permitted but no full frontal or related mons pubis if alcohol is served ladies May touch the man’s face arms chest and inner thigh but must remain a minimum 5 cm from his genitalic

Region men may not touch fondal grow so or lick and must be kept at least 3 cm from her breast this to be measured from the tip of the nipple and not the areola or breast major There Goes My boner I’m proud of you Jimmy this is your first step

Towards becoming a semi- resected member of the community and I trust you’ll do well at it for Canada and her public education system ranked 11th in the world Gina e your asparagus I did no you didn’t I’m not hungry you go girl don’t eat if you don’t want to that’s how they

Make you fat stick to your guns and you can grow up to be hot and anorexic like me I thought you were buic only when I’m hungry thank you Teresa Gina eat it I don’t want to get fat can I change the subject to me I’ve put a lot of thought

Into the cashmir dog and I’ve come up with the perfect argument for why you need to give me the money to buy it all right what’s your argument i’ look really really really cute then get a job when your father and I were teenagers we worked for things we wanted I was

Sweeping up at the beauty paa and your dad was already breaking legs for Joey the shark but it’s a different world now we have internet and texting and cell phones and Automobiles the answer is no you just don’t want me to look good cuz you don’t and I hate

You so what else is new Gina eat your asparagus pety isn’t eating his aha pety eat your asparagus mother I’m allergic remember no you’re not and don’t you get it it’s like the homework thing Gina looks up to you and she’ll do what you do okay Gina asparagus is good for you

I’m allergic no I’m allergic no one’s allergic py eat it fine hey this is pretty good oh yeah you are allergic so we’re looking for a manager someone to run a joint because we don’t want to do any actual work we just want to be the owners make all the money boss

People around and pay as little as we can we’re like Walmart but with naked ladies next because I adore ladies especially naked ones if you know what I mean and everyone knows only a straight man would manage a place like this which I am so straight at scary first off no

Nudity I’ll work 24 hours a day I don’t care come on Jimmy I’ve run joints like this before yeah right into the ground oh Che you’re talking to my wife here I’m sorry cook but we checked your references if I was the manager of this club I make sure that the girls are

Beautiful but also have a certain awwwwww and if we could find just one with awwwwwww I like them me too okay Mack you’re hired who have thought we wind up with the Puerto Rican guy no it’s just a haircut they’re going to put a sharp blade next to my head

Forget it you look adorable what’s going on Gina needs a haircut but she won’t no I told you you’d look adorable you know a ride home would have been nice heck of a job mwash The Joint looks great and the girls you hire are gorgeous well it is a pleasure

For girl I very much to who does Jim we got a problem h ah uh that is a little too close remember the 3 cm rule it’s more than 3 cm I highly doubt that 3.8 I stand corrected all right bring it in a little gentle circles no pinching I

Won’t tell you again and you inner thigh inner what’s so hard about that what’s the big deal the girls won’t break the rules not with a Fed no no it ain’t that all our best Girls Just Want To Dance for him and our customers are starting

To complain I want to come home with you tonight special agent no take me no me I could have this place shut down for just asking me that dancer number three but I’ll let it slide this time if you all promise to never make such a request to

A customer again we promise of course if you happen to follow me home of your own accord and no money changes hands well then it’s all just good clean fun you know what I’m not not going to worry about it tonight tonight we celebrate to the horny bastard the horny bastard the horny

Bastard thank you Delila and now all the way from Paris Ontario put your hands together for the beautiful Paris Ontario ah this one is a real [Applause] F Tera daddy oh my god oh that is hot Teresa I can’t believe you come to places like this you’re sick what are

You talking about me and cheich own The Joint so I know the owna that’s a very good connection for me okay but you’ll have to leave the main room when I’m on stage are you crazy I’m not letting you work here you mean you’re firing me

You’re my daughter and what kind of man fires his own daughter I hate you [ __ ] oh Gina I made you a dentist appointment for next Thursday I’m not going oh sweetie it’s just a routine checkup your brother needs a root canal no I don’t shh all right if peety goes I’ll go oh

Come on where’s Teresa in her room what’s wrong nothing bad day on the job very bad day on the job stupendous day on the job youw swww youw youw M we appreciate your mayw ah your French is very good baby can’t we talk this out oh it’s

Not fair Daddy all I wanted was 400 $100 but Mom said I had to get a job she didn’t say be a stripper she didn’t say not to be a stripper and I have wanted to do this ever since I thought of it the other day boys like me anyway I bet

They’d like me even more naked oh princess you don’t want boys to like you for that you’re a smart capable young woman with a big heart and a good mind one day you’ll find a boy who loves you for that and that’s all You’ll Ever Need

A daddy that is so gay baby I don’t want us to fight then don’t thwart my dreams I love to dance I live to dance and I’ll never forgive you because I hate you all right how about I just give you the $400 I love you but I don’t want your mother knowing

I’m going behind her back don’t worry I don’t tell you or Mommy anything when I go behind your backs good wait okay good would you keep it down you’re scaring your sister daddy Uncle cheich I’d like you to meet the newest member of our family Paris Ontario I gave him my stripper

Name does you bite CH it’s cashmir so I don’t know do cashmir is bite I love it so much Daddy thank you just want to make you happy princess I hoped you’d say that because when I got her I saw the cutest Diamond studded collar so can

I have $500 more to stay happy no out of the question that’s not fair then let me earn it at the club we’ve been through this all the other cashmere dogs have Diamond collars why do you have to make Paris feel less than I hate you okay fine here I love

You did you just buy your daughter’s love hey it was for sale and I wanted it and not a single cavity and you sat in the chair so bravely I hate family hey how come there’s two genus mom mom look what I got isn’t she the cutest thing you ever saw where’d you

Get the money for this oh um I got a job doing what uh working for Daddy she’s just keeping her books she don’t even know what kind of Club it is I do all the adding and the takeaways a I am so proud of you you wanted something and

You went out and got it thanks Mom you want to meet Paris Ontario a so this is what all the fuss was about I can see why it’s adorable keep it to yourself cook but I’ve been trying to play with that dog and I believe it to be dead

I’ve been saving up for a diamond studded collar for her yes absolutely yes and you know what would go perfectly with a diamond studded collar a gold mesh leash OMG you are so right mommy unfortunately for me today’s payday isn’t it Daddy Why yes sweetie today is payday I love you oh things are really turning around you got a business going that’s right up your rally Teresa’s becoming responsible Gina’s behaving being forced to come to Regina may have been the best thing for this family G time to get ready for ballet class put

On your tutu A hey Jimmy boy why so glum this thing with Teresa it’s emotional blackmail and I resent it and also respect it oh yeah she’s playing you like a tuba I know the saying is violin but you’re a big man I can’t keep paying her but I can’t stand

Her hating me she’d love me forever if I let her work in a club but I can’t do that neither and now with Co keep being all proud of her how’ I get into this mess all I wanted to do was sell bear boobies the horny Canadians you know what your problem is

Jimmy you’re thinking like a McDougall start thinking like a Falcone again GE that’s brilliant it is I guess you keep shooting off your mouth eventually something good comes out baby I’ve been thinking just giving you money for doing nothing ain’t good for your character so I’m going to let

You strip for your money Oh Daddy I’m going to make you so proud I love you I love you too princess God bless insurance now this is the Falone way I think we are going to make more money from this than if we had kept the joint going

Uh-oh don’t worry Jimmy I got this one don’t think I don’t know what you boys are doing you clearly bought this place only to burn it to the ground for the insurance money well I will not let you get away with it oh yeah well the joke’s on you I forgot to buy

Insurance you idiot and Justice is served