In the United States, I was so used to the mindset where intelligence or success was believed to come from innate qualities. This type of thinking is less prevalent in the Netherlands. Instead, Dutch culture, from my experience, values something a little different.
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I like to share my experiences of an American expat in the Netherlands. I describe both the unique and everyday aspects of Dutch culture, and life in Holland while enjoying every bit of it!
Blog website: https://www.dutchamericano.com
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Get in touch: dutchamericanonl@gmail.com
Suggested videos:
The HONEST TRUTH on living in the Netherlands as an American: https://youtu.be/pWQ8xxPhMXs
The Dutch concept the world NEEDS to know about: https://youtu.be/Jb4YkxTGSvc
6 Things that shocked me about the USA after living in the Netherlands: https://youtu.be/VUMsRMYIEC8
5 ways LIFE IS BETTER in the Netherlands than in America!: https://youtu.be/XANIGl_5quo
Unlike in America the grading system here in the Netherlands runs from a 1 to a 10 one being the lowest you could score and 10 being the highest in theory in practice a t is basically nowhere to be seen watch until the end of the video
To find out why that is if you’re new here hi my name is aan I’m an American living in the Netherlands and today I wanted to talk about the Dutch mindset now I cannot believe I haven’t spoken about this in any of my videos up to
This point because I feel like this is one of the most important differences between the US and the Netherlands super important I would not be exaggerating if I said that this difference actually has changed my life so let’s get into it starting with the US okay so I guess
There’s really no other way to say this but America just really loves Geniuses and not just any Geniuses but those innately born Geniuses and where do you see those Geniuses well take any Tech billionaire for instance like Mark Zuckerberg or Elon Musk Steve Jobs right these people well what do they have in
Common like maybe they dropped out of college and because they’re so smart they didn’t even need college and yet yet they achieved this enormous level of success also this other thing that these people have in common is they dress down they really walk around in just a hoodie
Or well if you’re Steve Jobs a black polo neck and jeans and what is all of this signaling all of this signals that you know fashion is beneath them they don’t think about things mere mortals think about they are above that because they are innate Geniuses they don’t need
College they don’t need anything this my friends is America now I’m sure it’s not just America but this rhetoric in America is really really prevalent you could see that for instance in the story of Elizabeth Holmes the founder of Theos when she was 19 she went around telling
Everybody that she had this machine that with a tiny prick of blood could detect medical conditions such as high cholesterol and cancer and at some point her company at its peak was valued at about 10 billion now all this was a lie her machine couldn’t do anything and she
Was 19 she didn’t know what she was doing but what she did know was that people would believe in her story she dropped out of college and not just any college but Stanford University she also dressed the part she wore black polo necks and kind of wore the same outfit
Every day ate the same food every day to indicate that you know she was too busy being a genius to think about mere mortal things like food and fashion so there we have it this is the context that I grew up in that I lived in and
That was honestly I’m going to be very very brutally honest here it was really not good for me so sharing my own story and experiences a little bit when I graduated college I was 19 years old in the US you typically are 22 or 23 when
You graduate college so I was quite a bit younger and when I got my masters and my PhD I was also still quite young compared to the average person who gets those degrees now why is that important well it’s because a lot of the time
People would go oh my God Ava you’re so young you must be a genius and that sounds really flattering right except it did nothing but destroy my mental health and honestly my ability to develop and grow as a person here’s why during my PhD for instance I was too afraid to
Shatter any illusion that I might be a genius or gifted because that was valued so much that I never said anything I’m a talkative person I usually speak up during meetings because I enjoy conversation and learning through conversation but that whole time at some point I noticed that I just shut down I
Was too afraid of making a mistake too afraid of asking a question that might come off as too simple if I were to ask a question it had to be the best question ever asked and maybe that sounds like I’m exaggerating to you but
Let me assure you that I am not and what that resulted in was that I couldn’t get as much out of my PhD as I would have liked or as I could have if I didn’t understand something right away and I mean right away just one time I would
Just move on to something else and focus on that so that it always seemed as if things naturally came to me when you also looked at the culture of the universities that I went to so for in instance at ivy league universities where I was at for my PhD uh we had to
Be really careful of the students as well because the undergraduate students who were there they were all known to exhibit the duck syndrome which is where they appear cool common collected on the surface but underneath the water they are kicking and struggling because it was all about seeming effortless like
You are you are a genius Geniuses don’t need to work hard that’s the impression that you have in America so as you can probably tell from this small glimpse into my life back then I was not thriving under this system and then I moved to the Netherlands and moving to
The Netherlands has been a little bit of a healing process for me now I’ve lived here for a few years so I hope that the healing process has been mostly completed of course I’m still learning because this video is all about growth and I am still growing and developing as
A person but when I first moved here one thing that stood out to me almost immediately was the kind of conversations I was having with people here and specifically Dutch people I was surprised the Dutch people were very open to talk about the mistakes they had made or the failures that they had
Experienced and not into a LinkedIn post kind of way right like in America people write these LinkedIn posts like oh I failed one year and then I failed another year and the third year I succeeded enormously where you actually have your failures disguised as successes no here in the Netherlands
People would actually talk about things that went wrong for them sort of sharing their experiences because it was a part of their lives and who they were so they would say hey this thing didn’t work out for me here was my experience I worked really hard at it and uh it didn’t work
Out but you know I did learn a lot in the process and I think I’m a better person for it mindblowing it was so special for me to see that you could actually just talk about your life experiences that way because guess what we’ve all had challenges in our lives so
Why try to hide them why try to hide that you are actually working hard at something why does it need to come effortlessly to you this this is something that I cannot comprehend now but I know that that was the reality I lived in before now here are a couple of
Fun stories of my own learning experiences since I moved to the Netherlands now as some of you might know if you watched my previous videos that I did not know how to ride a bike until I moved to the Netherlands and you might know that the Netherlands is the
Biking capital of the world so me not knowing how to bike was kind of a problem people here didn’t understand what that even entailed like how did you not learn how to bike right but besides this initial shock I was actually given the opportunity to learn how to bike so
I seized that chance however I was really really embarrassed about the fact that I didn’t know how to bike so much so that when I was learning there was this beginning period where I could sort of ride a bike but I struggled quite a bit I’m still struggling I’m I’m not a
Great Biker let me just put it out there you know but I am proud of the progress I’ve made over the years and I’m a clumsy person which is why biking doesn’t come naturally to me but as you can can see I am owning this about myself here to the world it wasn’t
Always like that in the beginning I went through a phase where I could ride the bike but getting on and getting off was sloppier than it is now so there was a period when I would ask our Dutch friends to look in a different direction
When I would get on the bike so that they didn’t have to watch me struggle because I was so embarrassed by it but if you tell me now or if this was the case now I think I would be more open to people watching me learn you know I’m
Really proud of all of the progress that I’ve made I learned how to bike as an adult that is not an easy thing to do it’s pretty scary let me tell you now another thing that I’ve learned as an adult languages in high school I learned Spanish I only took Spanish for two
Years before I went on to college but in those two years I loved the language the culture that came with it from the different countries and I just soaked it up like a sponge and by the end of those two years I was actually sort of conversational so I wanted to study it
In college and I did but something happened in college where because I think I was perceived as this young student that was really good at things and people would always say oh my God Ava you have this knack for languages I uh sort of I think took that to heart
And at some point I realized I made the switch from just being Carefree to being very conscious about my language skills and then I totally stopped practicing speaking just completely zero I don’t know how that happened why that happened but it it’s kind of a shame because I
Could have just improved on my Spanish over those years but I didn’t and after I graduated I stopped speaking Spanish I just did not want to there were very few occasions over the last few years where I actually dared to do it and that is really sad I this is something that I
Love but I was just too afraid now since then I learned other languages that I was a bit more okay practicing I don’t know why I had this block with Spanish and then of course I learned Dutch and I saw the same thing happening with Dutch where in the beginning people would give
Give me like lots of praise for picking up pretty quickly on phrases remembering new vocabulary and then I got really nervous because now I had to keep going now I had to maintain this illusion that I was good at it because otherwise people would think I wasn’t good at it
So then I noticed that again I was not speaking Dutch as much as I should I went through a period where I would tell people yeah my Dutch is pretty good I understand it but I would never speak it and then something changed I had lived here for some time now in the
Netherlands and my mindset started to change I started going from an innate genius mindset or being innately good at something mindset to a growth mindset at some point I just thought you know what am I doing never mind I live here I love the language I I can speak it enough to
Have conversations with people and so I just let loose I thought I’m just going to speak it I don’t care if the Barista in Amsterdam switches to English in the next sentence because I have an accent or make a mistake I really consciously decided that I wasn’t going to care and
Guess what my Dutch improved tremendously in the months following and this is just a lesson for everyone watching this that if you for instance are learning a new language or new skill and you feel like that’s holding you back learn the Dutch mindset of growth where you can improve on yourself and
Get better in the Netherlands you really also see this growth mindset as part of the work culture and the education system so at work same thing holds if you don’t understand something people are happy to explain it to you feedback here in the Netherlands is really very important Dutch directness
Is no joke so let’s say you’re you know organizing a workshop or an event or you do something right a task and then people give you feedback on it maybe it didn’t go so well right people give you feedback and then you just take the feedback work on it and the next time
It’ll be better the feedback is not directed at you and your overall abilities it’s just directed at that one piece and that is also something I had to get used to because again that Dutch directness to me the beginning was like oh my God no I got feedback on something
I didn’t do something well that means I am terrible I’m a bad employee I need to quit and find another profession and a career oh my God no so instead of going down that rabbit hole I just said in my one case that I’m thinking of right now
Okay that sounds fine let me just work on it and the next time it was great and I got really good at it and even if you don’t get really good at it that’s fine but at least you tried and you got better at it so it’s the growth to me
That I realize is very important and now I wanted to talk about the Dutch education system that is so different from the US here in the Netherlands you have a couple of streams uh in high school so at the age of like 12 or something ridiculous the Netherlands how
Are you supposed to know what you want to do at the age of 12 but anyway at the age of 12 here you sort of like end up in one of the different types of high schools here there are a few streams now if you let’s say started out in one
Stream but wanted to move to another stream all you had to do is take a you all you have to do I know the kids in high school or people who’ve gone through this are like all you have to do but no compar to what you have to do in
The US here in the Netherlands you would have to just take a few classes and you could move into a different stream yes it takes time but that’s you could do it and people actually really respect you for doing that because it’s more effort you’ve worked hard and then you achieve
Your goals and you’ve learned more You’ grown like what’s not to love about that like the qualities that it takes to grow yourself are just as important if not more important than the innate Brilliance so going back to the point that I made at the beginning of this
Video why is it that in the Dutch school system while you could in theory score a 10 the highest score you’ll never really see that in practice and that is because there is always room for growth you are never going to be perfect it’s never going to be 100% And instead of viewing
That as a bad thing where in America you get A+ like what is that even what is what is an A+ you can even get a 4.3 G GPA out of a four but here in the Netherlands the N9 out of 10 sort of the highest you can get really is indicative
Of the fact that you always have room to grow and it encourages people to grow it says you have done really well now you can do better because we are all learning and developing together so anyway I hope you enjoyed and learned something from my experiences from the
American mindset to the Dutch growth mindset if you have any personal experiences you would like to share feel free to leave them in the comments down below
40 Comments
This morning I watched this video.
I had a meeting in Utrecht.
After that I ate in Hoog Catharijne. On my way to the station we crossed path.
That was strange
Liked this video. Never thought about it. I am a senior, bank, cash management.
I comment on coworkers in the straight Dutch way. Making errors is human, Dutch expression, so it doesn't have an impact on me and the relationship with coworkers.
On the other hand I sometimes have to admit that my company made an error. No problem either. Dutch companies rather appreciate to hearing it beforehand than they have to find out themselves…
Well, your Dutch is great! I understood everything you said!
Netjes uitgelegd! 8,5
What I want to know is why (when someone died) the first thing you hear she/he was so smart, this is not normal ✌️🇳🇱
Goed zo, jongedame! Het komt helemaal goed met jou. Nu volop aan de gang met Nederlands.
We are humans and we made it hard for ourself with our brain. Workless earn less enjoy life the most.
Zou het komen dat (te?) veel mensen aan het 'imposter syndrome' lijden? Wat als ik door de mand val, op wat voor vlak dan ook? Liever het niet doen en ontwijken, dan de uitdaging aangaan. Leuke video!
It is also possible to speak at a sensible pace. This person is tiring to listen to. I suspect she is similarly difficultin person.
I like your honesty geweldig hoe eerlijk je bent. veel geluk in ons mooie land
The real innate geniuses actually regularly do score 10/10. With comparatively little effort. I’m not one of them, but do know some. Anyways, you’re right about the ability and willingness to change being highly valued in the system. I agree that that’s a great thing.
I only know from university that they don't give 10's easily. That score is reserved for groundbreaking advancements or truly excellent and exceptional performance. But on high school they do will generally give you the 10 if all answers are correct. I remember from university on a mathematics subject, that I was good at, that the professor deducted points from my maximum score for my assignment because of small imperfections in notation that other students were not penalized for. Just so that he had an excuse not to give the maximum score when basically all my answers and algorithms were correct.
This thing we have in the USA where people take any criticism as a personal attack is so harmful
Very recognizable. There cannot be growth without failure. Even though we don't like to fail, we learn more from our failed attempts and less from our successes. Prioritizing growth in life eventually leads to a more balanced and healthy life than prioritizing raw succes or being "perfect".
Don’t worry about the barista in Amsterdam answering you in English… i’m a Belgian who comes quite often in Amsterdam for my work and every time i order something in PERFECT dutch (but with a belgian accent) they answer me in English… i think they just like to show off how good they are in English i suppose 😅
Thank you very much for this video! As a new US expat to the Netherlands, I feel that what you just shared here is an important piece of the culture to learn. Now, I can remind myself not to feel horrible when I get feedback or comment about my work or even personal life.
Even for nerds, explaining how a bike works, it is not simple, math and physics is involved. My trial is this: a bike is balancing itself.
For steering, you need to disrupt the balance for a short while. Believe it or not, for going right, you must steer LEFT just a fraction of a second. THAT is what makes it hard. Countersteering. Kids learn it by trying, trying and trying, until their brain gets it. Adults think it is just like a car, so they never learn it, simply because it is not a car at all. Point is thinking, you gotta stop thinking, just relax, hold those handlebars but follow them if they move, or you fall again and again.
When you have learned it, then watch other bike riders. The great ones ride an almost straight line, and the handlebar clinchers are oscillating left right left right left right in the tempo of their feet. You can learn to even out that swinging. How? By relaxing! And, this is illegal, but when you got no one in sight, you should practise riding "with loose hands", and do it up tempo, the faster the more stable your bike gets. Later on, slow down, which is difficult, but what you gain is that feeling of control over your bike. In the city, forget it, keep your hands on your bike. Do you see? Leaving your bike balancing itself is key, do not use the handlebars too much. When falling you even need to steer TOWARDS the side you are falling, that is the countersteering, it is not intuitive and that is why people fall, scared, wanna get away, steer the front wheel away, bang, flat on their face. Doing nothing is often better, but not when you wanna avoid a car or a pedestrian. Then you get into higher levels of bike control. Simply bike each day, that's all. Ah, and relax. Last tip: avoiding an obstacle, never keep looking at that thing, always watch where you wanna go. You gotta stop being scared, you gotta take your eyes off the dangerous thing, be aware you will go where your eyes lead you. That is in any vehicle, a car, a motorbike, an airplane, a bicycle. Your body will unconsciously steer you the direction you are looking. When you learn to ride a bicycle, you can implement that, for a bike is steering very light, using your EYES for steering proofs very important. Just saying. And I hope this helps riding a bike.
In the Netherlands you still see the fixed mindset. Especially with "gifted" (Dutch: hoogbegaafde) kids. Not necessarily tested for it, but many of the kids who get in the bonus groups at school have that mindset. I used to, a lot. And I struggled with a lot of what you mentioned. I do think the kid I coach is being taught about growth mindset elements in het plus group. But when I was young, I just got more advanced work.
Scholieren wordt geleerd: er bestaan geen domme vragen!
As a Dutchie that never lived abroad, I never realized how much it's in our culture. Suddenly the saying 'oefening baart kunst' gets a whole new context.
The work part is very recognisable (I recently started my first real job after a traineeship). First thing my manager did in our first official conversation after I started was recommend various courses. We even have a column on the intranet we refer to as 'fuck up friday'. The whole point of that column is that someone tells something they did wrong and how they remedied that.
As a sociologist we once had a class comparing educational systems from different countries. In my opinion these say a lot about what a people value in life. Main point of divergence was that in Dutch high schools the level of education was comparably high, especially in STEM subjects, wheras in America there was much more emphasis on self presentation, communication skills and self realisation in that social aspect. Dutch calvinistic induced culture emphasizes working hard, so try to crack your brain on the edge of its capacity with the recognition that difference in mental capability exists. No one should be left out and the less intelligent students in class should be approached, cheered, challanged and praised at their level, where smarter students should get more difficult tasks to wrap their heads around at he same time, apl within the bandwidth of the same classroom mind you. At least that is what you get thaught during your teacher education and internship. What is important is that as a student you get taught to show your effort in the face of obstacles and that you learn to speak up without shame when you don’t get it. The teacher is in charge of creating and maintaining a safe learning environment to facilitate that. Becoming a good teacher is very hard and I tried and flunked at it. Sometimes shear effort isn't enough and it is very important to recognise and admit when you are in over your head. You own that responsibility to yourself and others. ❤
As a Dutchie this is very interesting to me because this mindset is what I grew up with and was just so… normal. I can't imagine always striving for the absolute best, which is unachievable and therefore only stressing people out
Funnily enough, here in The Netherlands, some 20 or 30 years ago, more or less the opposite used to be said: that, for example, here a past bankruptcy would mark an enterpreneur as a failure, whereas in the US, it would be a sign that that person had valuable experience and had had the opportunity to learn how things actually work.
I did have 3 nines on my graduation, but there was a simple reason, they never gave a 10 because they started counting at 0 and had only 10 numbers to give.
I had a couple of 10s in my school career. It’s rare. But it happens
America sounds deadly for people's mental health … Luckily i'm living in The Netherlands … have fun here!
American genius more often than not means: sly stealer of ideas or exploiter of the ideas of others not focused on making money. Edison. Jobs. So many others never invented anything but took the ideas of others who weren't focused enough on making money, and patented the idea of someone else.
Judging by your Dutch, you really do have a knack for languages.
I rate this video as an eleven!
I did on minor elements score an 11 in school. But mostly you are right. My parents were both teachers (not great as a kid, but much appreciated in hindsight) and I remember a phrase they used to use (although not literally regrettably, which proves the point) that went something like: "you can do everything perfectly, but the 10….is for the teacher "
That you think the Netherlands has culture just makes you dumb
I think American culture is about creating an image how you want other people to see you while Dutch culture is more about 'this is who I am.'
I actually got a 10/10 once in my life, on a small "exam" in highschool. We were tested on our proper use of "ne pas" or the french word for "don't" I think? We had to properly insert the word into 10 sentences. I had no clue about the grammatical rules behind it, so I just tried putting them where they "felt right". Turned out all of them were correct. xD
We are moving to NL in a couple months and my daughter will be going to college I am so excited that you posted this. She like you (kind of) will be graduating with her bachelors degree this May and is turning 19 this March. Being in college so young has given her a lot of issues as you described. You explaining how different it will be in NL is such a relief and one of the main reasons we are moving. We can not wait to embrace the dutch mindset and take all our Dutch lessons. AND I already said when people speak English to us its just that they are practicing English while we are trying to learn dutch. :). Love all your videos 🙂
You should be very proud about learning to ride a bike! The only reason people are good at it is because they start from a very young age. It goes like crawling, walking, riding a bicycle. Riding a bike is actually an incredibly complex process coordination wise.
You are also completely right about trying to stick to the language. I think it's a downside that most Dutch can switch to English quite easily and try to be accommodating.
So when you go to college in the US what you learn is how to fake it, how to be a good actor, and how to not be yourself… Sounds like a truly healthy and sane environment. Lucky this kind of thing only happens when you go to college, and it’s not found anywhere else in American culture. Right?
Failures are only really failures when you don’t learn from them.
Mia?
I had one teacher who never graded you higher than an 8 out of 10. If you called his attention to the fact that you had zero mistakes, he would say that 8’s are for pupils, 9’s are for teachers and the 10 is for the lord God. I did not like that man. Credit where credit is due.
Churchill said: How do you spell perfectionism? PARALYSIS! Not good for you…(my words). By the way: a 10 as a grade is not uncommon in Dutch education.
It takes courage to have a learning attitude. Like this friend of mine has. He is not ashamed at all to say he's learning. The result is, he's more sucsesfull in achieving new things then I am, as he's not afraid to make a mistake.