The 7 habits of highly effective people
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मेरुदंड = spinal cord
अपरिहार्य = Indispensable
उन्नयन = upgrade
सतत = Continuously
प्रवत्त = prone
वृत्त = Circle
शाश्वत = अनंत = Eternal
अनिर्णय = indecision
भौतिक = physical
समृद्धि = prosperity
बिंदुवार (Binduwar) = Point wise
अतार्किक = illogical
यथार्थ = Reality
उदासीनता = APATHY
मैत्रीपूर्ण = harmonious
गठबंधन = alliance
प्रत्यक्ष = direct
अप्रत्यक्ष = indirect
रूपांतरित = transformed
प्रतिस्पर्धा = Competition
वक्तव्य = statement
आर्थिक = Economic
आवृत्ति = frequency
शतायु = centenarian = सौ साल का
रजोनिवृत्ति = menopause
दीर्घायु = longevity
जीवन प्रत्याशा = life expectancy
यथोचित =reasonably
परिशिष्ट = Appendix
मुद्रित = print
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Introduction The world has changed a lot since The Habits of Highly Effective People was first published. Life has become more complex, more stressful and more demanding. We have moved from the industrial age to the data and information-based age. We are facing such challenges and problems in our personal lives, families and organizations
That could not have been imagined even a century or two ago. These challenges are not only bigger but also of a completely different kind. The tremendous changes taking place in the computerized global market system and society
Have raised a very important question which I am often asked, are the seven habits of highly effective people still practical today or will they be applicable 10, 20, 50 or 100 years from now? My answer is that the bigger the change and
The more difficult the challenges facing us, the more practical these habits will be. The reason is that our problems and sorrows are eternal and are increasing. Apart from this, the solutions to these problems even today and always are in those eternal and are based on self-evident
Principles which are found in every stable and thriving society in history. I have not invented these principles and I do not take ownership of them. I have simply recognized them and arranged them in an orderly form
. A very deep lesson of my life is that if you want to reach your greatest goals and overcome your greatest challenges, identify and act on the principle or natural law that controls the results you want . The way we apply the principles will differ from each other and will be
Determined by our strengths, talents and creativity but ultimately success in any endeavor always comes from working in harmony with the principles to which success is linked. Many people like this. Don’t think, at least not consciously. In fact, you will find that principle-centered solutions run counter to
The thinking and common behavior of our popular culture. I would like to reflect on this paradox among the most common human challenges we face today: fear and insecurity. People are gripped by a sense of fear. They are afraid about the future. They feel insecure in the workplace. They
Fear losing their job. They are not confident in their ability to provide for their families. Due to this insecurity, they often live their lives without taking any risks and create relationships of co-dependence and co-dependence with others in the office and at home. The common response of our culture to this problem is to
Become more and more self-reliant. I will focus on me and I will do my job well and then achieve real happiness. The problem is that we live in an interdependent reality and to achieve the most important achievements we need the abilities of interdependence which It’s beyond our current abilities
I want it now People want things and they want it immediately I want money, a nice and big house, a luxurious car, the biggest and best entertainment center, I want it all immediately and I deserve it all Although today’s credit card society has
Made it easier to buy now and pay later, it is only when the economic reality finally dawns on us that we understand, and sometimes painfully, that Our purchases cannot exceed our ability to produce. It
Is not possible to think contrary to it in the long run. Interest demands are ruthless. They do not forgive mistakes. Just working hard is not enough. Technology is changing very fast. Apart from this,
Competition has also increased due to globalization of markets and technology. In such an environment, we will not only have to be educated but will also have to train ourselves continuously. We will have to develop our brain, we will have
To keep increasing our abilities, we will have to continuously invest in them so that We should not remain a relic of an ancient era. In the workplace, bosses want results from their employees and the reason for this is simple. Competition is fierce and
The existence of the company is at stake. The need to produce in the present is the reality of today. It is the need for capital. represents demands but the real mantra of success is stability and growth. You may be
Achieving your quarterly targets but the real question is whether you are making the necessary investments that you can Will be just as or more successful five or 10 years from now Our culture and Wall Street emphasize current results, but the
Need to meet current demands is one thing, and investing in the capabilities needed for future success is quite another. The principle of balancing these two cannot be ignored. The same is true for your health, your marriage, your family relationships and your community needs.
Blame and victimize yourself wherever you see a problem. You usually point the finger of blame. Playing the victim game has become a habit in our society. I wish my boss was not so dictatorial and stupid. I wish I was not born in such a poor family.
I wish I was living in a better place. I wish I didn’t inherit such a temper from my daddy . I wish my kids weren’t so rebellious. I wish the other department was n’t messing up orders all the time. I wish we weren’t in such a crappy industry. I wish our employees
Weren’t so lazy and unmotivated. I wish my wife I wish I had been more understanding. It may seem very common that we blame other people or things for our problems and challenges. This may provide temporary relief from the pain,
But it can also lock us in with these problems for the rest of our lives. If you can tell me someone who is courageous enough to take constructive initiative to face these challenges, then I will give you a living example of the powerful power of choice.
Disappointment is the child of criticism and blame when we are tempted to believe in it. We fall into the trap of thinking that we are victims of our circumstances. When we succumb to fatalism, we lose hope, lose the power of inspiration and come to terms with our circumstances and
Remain where we are. I am a pawn. The puppet is a small cog on a big wheel and I can’t do anything about it except tell me what to do. Many bright and talented people experience this and fall victim to the resulting frustration and depression. In popular culture, the survival response is flawed.
Lower your expectations of life to such an extent that you will never be disappointed by anyone or anything. Look at history. This response is antithetical to the principles of growth and hope. The real principle is this. Discovering that I
Am the creative force of my life Lack of balance in life Life in our cell phone society is becoming increasingly complex, demanding, stressful and completely tiring We have to manage our time to do more work to make more progress and
Inventions of modern technology Why is it that despite all our efforts to achieve greater work efficiency, we find ourselves constantly in the midst of a deluge of trivial things that cause us to ignore health, family integrity and many other things that are important to us? The most important thing for us
Is our work, it is not a problem, it is the permanent engine of life. Complexity or change is also not a problem. The problem is this thinking of our modern culture, go faster, stay longer, be more efficient, make sacrifices for present needs, but the truth. This is because doing so
Does not provide balance and mental peace in life. Balance and mental peace can only be found by a person who has a clear sense of his top priorities and lives a life of integrity by focusing on them. What’s in it for me? Our
Culture teaches us that if we want to become something in life then we have to be considered number one. This culture says that life is a game, a race, a competition and you have to win in it. From classmates in school, colleagues in office and even family
Members . People are also seen as competitors. The more they get, the less is left for you. Obviously, we try to appear generous on the outside and applaud the successes of others, but on the inside, when we see others being successful, we feel secretive. Naturally, many of us become jealous of them.
In the history of our civilization, many great works have been done by the self-sufficient will of a determined person, but in the knowledge-based era, the biggest opportunities and limitless achievements will go to those who use our art. Today, true greatness will be achieved by a generous mind that
Will work selflessly, that will work for mutual benefit with mutual respect. The hunger to be understood is one of the few needs of the human heart that is greater than the need to be understood. We are all like that. Want to be a voice that is heard,
That is respected, that is valued, that has influence on most people The belief is that the key to influence is communication, getting your point across clearly, and speaking to get your point across, but if you really think about it, don’t you see that when
Others talk to you, you don’t listen to understand? Instead, you are often busy preparing your response. The real impact of influence begins when others feel you are influencing them. When they feel you understand them, that you have shown depth and sincerity . You have listened to them and you are open
But most of the people are so emotionally insecure that they do not listen deeply, they are busy in expressing their own views according to their agenda and before that they understand the other person’s point. but are unable to concentrate long enough Our culture calls for, even demands,
That we understand and influence However, the principle of influence is driven by the mutual understanding that occurs when at least one person first Resolve to listen deeply Conflict and difference People have many things in common, yet they are very different They think differently, they have different life values, motivations and goals
Sometimes they are different from each other There are also conflicts. These differences naturally lead to conflict. Society’s competitive approach to resolving conflict and difference focuses on winning as much as you can, although the skillful art of compromise can do a lot of good. Where both sides
Reduce their demands until an acceptable middle point is reached, but neither side is really happy with it. What a waste it is that people come to terms with each other because of differences. What a waste it is that people solving problems
Do not apply the principle of constructive collaboration when searching for solutions that result in better solutions than the original idea of both parties [Music] Personal stagnation of human nature There are four dimensions: body, brain, heart and soul. Consider the differences and consequences of these two policies. Body, cultural attitudes. Maintain a lifestyle.
Treat health problems with operations and drugs. Principles: By putting your lifestyle in harmony with established, eternally accepted principles of health. Prevent Diseases and Problems Mind Culture Watch TV Entertain Me Principle Study Widely and Deeply Pursue Continuing Education Heart Culture Use Your Relationships with Others to Pursue Your Personal Selfish Interests
Principle Highest Satisfaction and Happiness Depth And soul culture comes from listening respectfully and serving others Getting caught up in growing worldly and blameworthy Principle Recognize that our fundamental need for meaning and the source of the positive things we want in our lives is Principle and
I personally Believing that God is the source of these natural laws, I invite you to pay attention to both the eternal challenges and your unique needs and challenges. When you do, you
Will find lasting solutions and direction. You will also find that popular There is a difference between a cultural policy and a universal, eternal and principle-centric policy and you will see this difference clearly. As a final personal comment, I would like to repeat the question that I
Constantly ask in my training: How many of us on our deathbed But they wish they had spent more time in their office or watching TV. The answer is no. They think about their loved ones, their families and the people they have served.
Even the great psychologist Abraham Mason wrote in his At the end of life, I put the happiness, satisfaction and contribution of future generations above my own self-actualization. This he called self-transcendence. This is true for me too. I find the principles contained in the Seven Habits to be the greatest and most satisfying influence
On my children and grandchildren. For example, my 19-year-old granddaughter, Shannon, was inspired to serve the Romanian orphans. She wrote a devotional letter to Sandra and me one day after a small sick child vomited on her and then hugged her. At that very moment Sheno resolved that she
No longer wants to live a selfish life, she should devote her life to service. At the time of writing this, she has returned to Romania and is still serving the people. All of our children are married and have developed mission statements focused on
Service and principles with their spouses. We are pleased to see them living their lives in accordance with these mission statements . Now that you know the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Once you start reading, I promise you that you will have an exciting learning experience.
Share what you learn with your loved ones and most importantly, start implementing what you learn. Remember, learning is more important than doing nothing. That means you learned nothing. Knowing and not doing means you learned nothing. Personally, I struggle constantly with living up to the Seven Habits. This is basically because the
Better we become, the more challenging we become. As I sincerely strive and struggle every day to live up to these principle- centered habits, I warmly join you on this adventure. I am Stephen R. Cowie July 24, 2004 Section One Paradigms and Principles From the Inside Out I have worked with people in
Business, university, marital, and family settings for 25 years. During this time , I have come in contact with many people who have Despite achieving incredible success in life, I noticed that they are internally dissatisfied with their lives. They are troubled by a lack of personal harmony and influence.
They always struggle to build healthy and cordial relationships with people. I think you will also be familiar with some of the problems he told me. I have achieved the goals I had set for my career. I
Have got unexpected success from the professional point of view, but I am not happy in my personal and family life. I ‘m paying the price for this success My wife and kids are now strangers to me I don’t even believe I know myself
I probably don’t even know what’s really important to me I have to ask myself Is it worth it to sacrifice so much? I’ve made a new diet plan for the fifth time this year. I know I’ve gained weight. I really want to get lean. I’m reading new
Books and articles published on the subject. I read regularly, set goals, encourage myself by giving a psychological dose of positive mental attitude that I can do it but I can’t. After a few weeks, everything slips away from time to time. I keep the promises made to myself.
I have attended several training programs on effective management. My expectations from my employees are very high. I constantly try to be friendly and fair to them, but I do not feel that they are loyal to me. I feel That if I fall sick one day and don’t go to the office, they
Will stand around the water cooler all day and gossip. Why couldn’t I make them self-reliant and responsible or why couldn’t I find such employees? My teenage son is rebellious. And he is addicted to drugs. I have tried to make him understand but he doesn’t listen to me. What should I
Do? There is a lot of work to do but very little time. I am under pressure and stress every moment of every day, seven days a week. I have been to time management seminars and have tried half a dozen time management strategies. Although
I have found some benefits, I still don’t feel that I am living as happy, successful and peaceful a life as I would like. That I want to live, I want to teach my children the importance of testing, but to get them to do any work, I have to monitor their every step and
Listen to their complaints at every step. It is easier to do the work myself instead of doing it. What happens is, why don’t children do their work happily? Why do they have to be interrupted again and again? I’m busy, really busy. But sometimes I wonder whether what I’m doing
Is really important and does it make any difference in the long run? I would really like to think that my life had some meaning, that my coming into this world was meaningful and that I made a difference. When I see my friends or relatives becoming successful or famous, I smile and congratulate them,
But deep inside I I get jealous why do I feel like this I have a very strong personality. I know that I can get the results I want in any discussion. Most of the time, I can influence others to give me the solutions I want. I think about the situation thoroughly
And I feel that the thoughts that come to my mind are usually the best for everyone, but still I remain restless. I am always worried about what other people might think of my thoughts and me. My marriage is deteriorating. We
Don’t fight or quarrel but the love between us is now dead. We have given marital counseling and tried many methods but to no avail. We are not able to rekindle within ourselves the feelings that
Were there before. These problems are deep. These are serious and painful problems, and these are problems that cannot be solved with quick solutions. A few years ago, my wife Sandra and I were facing a similar problem. One of our sons was facing a lot of difficulties in school. He was weak in studies
And leave alone scoring good marks in the test, he did not even understand how to follow the instructions given in the question paper. He was also socially immature and because of that we He often had to feel embarrassed. Not only was he small and thin for sports,
He also lacked mental coordination. For example, while playing baseball, many times he used to swing his bat before it came near the pitcher’s ball . Sandra and I had a strong desire to help him. We realized that if success in any area of life
Was truly important, it was most important in our role as parents, so we changed our attitudes toward our son. And tried to improve his behavior. Along with this, we also tried to improve his attitude and behavior. We tried to motivate him psychologically by using positive thinking techniques.
Well done son, you can do this work, we know it. You can do this by keeping your hands slightly higher on the bat and keeping your eyes focused on the ball. Do not swing the bat until the ball comes closer. If there
Was even a little improvement in his performance, we would give him a lot of praise to encourage him. When other children used to make fun of him, we used to scold them, don’t tease him, leave him alone, he is still learning, on this our son would start crying and would
Say in disappointment that he would never be good. He wouldn’t be able to play well and he doesn’t like baseball anyway. We tried a lot but when the situation didn’t improve we got really worried. It was clear to us that
It was having a very bad effect on his self-esteem. We told him to We tried to encourage him, help him and stay positive. However, when we failed again and again, we finally decided to step back and look at the situation from a different perspective. At that
Time, I was giving leadership related training in many organizations across the country. I was working at IBM . I was developing a bi-monthly program on communication and cognition for the trainees of the Executive Development Program of Harvard Business School.
When I did the research to develop these programs, I became especially interested in the topic of how our cognition develops. How they determine the way we see and how the way we see determine our behavior When I studied the theory of optimism and the Pig Melian effect of self-fulfilling expectations, I
Came to understand that our feelings It taught me that while looking at the world, we should also consider the lens through which we view the world. It taught me that the lens actually determines how we see the world. Sandra and I
Looked at our situation in light of the concepts I was teaching at IBM. In doing so , we realized that what we were doing to help our son was inconsistent . When we honestly examined our own feelings, we found that our feeling was that he was fundamentally incompetent and backward. No matter
How hard we worked on our attitudes and behavior, our The efforts were not successful because despite our positive behavior and words, we were actually sending her the message that you are not capable and you have to be protected. We began to realize that if we want to change the situation, we must first
We have to change ourselves, and to change ourselves effectively, we must first change our perceptions. Personality-based and character-based ethics. In addition to my research on cognition, I also conducted an in-depth study of the literature on success published in America since 1776. I was doing self-improvement,
Read hundreds of books, articles and essays on subjects like popular psychology and self-help. The essence of all the principles that a free and democratic society considered the key to a successful life was at my fingertips when I wrote on success in the last 200 years. As I studied the material, I
Noticed a surprising pattern. Because I had been in trouble myself and had seen plenty of people around me suffer in their lives and relationships, I had a strong feeling that most of the past 50 years had been related to success. The literature was true
In that it only suggested conscious techniques and quick solutions to create a social image. In a way, this literature of success was full of quick solutions like social bandits and espons through which efforts were made to solve serious problems. Many a times, the problem was solved for some time, but despite this,
The long-term problem, which remained, kept spreading from within and would emerge again and again. On the contrary, almost all the success-related literature of the first 150 years focused on character. It believed in the rules of success and focused on character-based ethics. It emphasized on character qualities like truthfulness, humility, loyalty
, restraint, courage, impartiality, patience, hard work, simplicity, ostentation, inferiority and the Golden Rule. Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography represents character-based ethics. It is basically of a person who has deeply embedded certain principles and habits in his or her character. Character-based ethics teaches that there are certain basic principles of effective living and that people
Can realize true success and lasting happiness only when they follow these principles. However, after the First World War, the basic approach to success shifted from character-based ethics to what we can call personality-based ethics. Personality, public image, attitudes and behavior are
Considered the basis of success. Success seemed to be based on the ability and techniques to make social relations smooth. This personality-based ethics basically chose two paths, one, techniques of public behavior in human and social relations and two positive
Mental attitudes. Some part of this philosophy of life was inspirational and at times appropriate. Expressed in actions like your attitude determines your success smiling instead of frowning makes more friends and whatever a person can imagine and believe in his mind he can achieve
Personality based ethics There were many other aspects of the technology that were clearly misleading and even deceptive and encouraged people to use these techniques just to get people to like them; people displayed a false interest in what others were interested in. Many times people were advised to pretend to be successful or
Others were even suggested to move ahead in a crushed state. There is some degree of wisdom in this literature. Till now, character has been accepted as an element of success, but instead of considering it as fundamental and catalytic, a tendency to isolate it can be seen. Mention of character-based ethics has
Mostly become word-of-mouth. The basic emphasis is on quick techniques of influencing. I began to realize that personality-based ethics was the subconscious source of the solutions Sandra and I were trying to achieve with our son . When I learned personality- based ethics and character-based ethics, Thinking more deeply about the ethics difference, I
Realized that our children’s good behavior affected Sandra and I’s social standing. At the core of our concern was that our son was not at the height we expected. We were more concerned about our own image than the image. We wanted to appear successful in the role of good and caring
Parents and perhaps that is why we had this kind of image of our son in our mind. Our ways of solving the problem and dealing with it I was not only worried about my son’s well-being but a lot of things were complicated.
When Sanda and I talked about this, I was painfully aware of how powerfully our character and motives were influencing our perception of her . We knew that the goals of social comparison were inconsistent with our deepest life values . Such goals were leading us towards conditional love and
Were ultimately causing our son’s self-confidence to wane, so we resolved to focus our efforts not on our techniques but on our love goals and our son. Instead of trying to change our perception of the Son, we tried to stand aside. We tried to move away from him so that we
Could realize his identity, individual potential and significance through deep reflection as we approached him in faith and prayer. We began to see many wonderful qualities in our son. We saw many layers of potential within him that would develop at his own pace. We decided
To safely stay out of his way and wait for his abilities to develop. We realized that our natural role should be to trust, enjoy, and honor Him. We worked diligently on our goals and developed internal sources of security so that our feelings of being seen as significant affected our children’s admirable behavior.
Don’t Be Dependent As we loosened the grip of our old feelings about our son and created goals based on life values, new feelings began to emerge. We were now enjoying being with him rather than comparing or evaluating him.
We had created him in our own image. We gave up trying to count or measure him up to social expectations. We gave up trying to fit him kindly and positively into the expected social mold. Because we found him fundamentally capable and capable of struggling with life,
We gave up protecting him from the ridicule of others. He had been brought up under this protection, so its sudden removal hurt him, which he expressed. We agreed with him, but we did not react. His message was that we do not need to protect you, you are fundamental.
As the weeks and months passed, he began to have an innate self-confidence; he began to strengthen himself; he began to develop at his own pace; when evaluated by average social standards, he had now become excellent academically and socially. And this change in the field of sports
Was much ahead of the so-called natural evolutionary process. Many years later, many student groups chose him as their leader and he also became a state level player. When he brought his report card home, it had All had A grades. He developed a personable personality that
Enabled him to relate easily to all types of people. Sandra and I believe that our son’s socially impactful accomplishments outweigh his desire for social rewards. These achievements did not come about because of her. They came in large part because of her feelings about herself. It was a wonderful experience for Sandra and me.
It taught us important lessons about how to behave with our other children and in other roles. It helped us achieve success. Made me aware on a very personal level about the important difference between personality-based policy weapons and character-based policy weapons A hymn perfectly
Expresses our belief Search your heart with all your might, for it is from here that the real issues of life flow. Primary and Secondary Greatness My experiences with my son The study of cognitive research and success literature combined to give me an aha experience when things suddenly
Fell into place. I suddenly saw the powerful impact of personality-based ethics and those fine print. I was able to clearly understand the difference, which could not be recognized consciously, between personality-based ethics and character-based ethics. On the one hand, there were principles that I believed to be true. These principles
Had been instilled in me long ago in my childhood. And these were rooted deep within my inner sense of life’s values. On the other hand, there was a philosophy of quick solution to life that surrounded me every day. I understood at a deeper level that
Working over years with people from all walks of life Why the principles I was learning while doing and that I found effective often seemed at odds with these popular ideas I am not saying that the elements of personality-based ethics, i.e. the development of personality, are the key to communication.
Training of skills, education of influence and positive thinking are not beneficial or essential for success. I believe they are beneficial and sometimes even essential but they are not primary elements, they are secondary elements, perhaps the foundation of previous generations. But while exercising our
Human ability to build, we have unknowingly focused so much on building our buildings that we have forgotten the foundation on which that building stood, perhaps because of reaping the harvest without sowing for so long. We forgot that sowing is also important. If I use techniques or strategies to
Influence people with the aim of how to get people to do what I want or do better, how to motivate them more so that they will do more for me and each other. Like, when my character is fundamentally flawed and full of deceit
, I cannot be successful in the long run, deceit will create distrust, and everything I do will be considered manipulative or manipulative, no matter what the words. No matter how good the network of trust is or
How good the intentions are, the basic thing is that if there is no trust or there is very little of it then there is no foundation for lasting success. Only basic goodness makes the techniques successful . It’s like you pass many times, you may even get good grades, but if you
Don’t pay the price every day, you will never truly master the subjects you study . Can’t Grow Have you ever thought about how foolish it would be to use quick fixes in farming , forget to plant seeds in the spring, have fun all summer long, and then
Grow crops in the fall? What else is farming? It is a natural system, the price has to be paid and the process has to be followed. You always reap what you sow. Shortcuts do not work in this. This principle is ultimately true about human behavior and mutual relations. This also applies
To crops. Natural systems are based on rules. In an artificial social system like school, if you learn how to cleverly break the rules made by humans and how to play the game, you can be successful for a while, at most once. In personal meetings or short-term human relationships, you
Can also be successful by using personality-based ethics. You can make a good impression on the other person by acting interested in him and your attractive personality and abilities. In short-term situations, you can quickly and easily You can achieve success through techniques, but secondary
Elements do not have lasting importance in long term relationships. If you do not have deep integrity and fundamental values of character, then the challenges of life will reveal your true goals and instead of short term success, you will find problems in human relationships. Many people who have achieved secondary greatness may get
Social prestige because of their ability but they fall victim to lack of primary greatness or good character. Sooner or later you will see this in every long-term relationship of theirs, whether The relationship may be with a business associate, a spouse, a friend, or a
Teenage son going through an identity crisis. Character speaks loudest, as Emerson once said. What are you? His voice rings so loud in my ears. What do you say? Obviously there are situations where people have strength of character but lack the ability to communicate and of course this also affects the quality of relationships
But its effects are still not that significant in the final analysis. Character speaks louder than our words and actions. We all know this. We trust some people completely because we know their character, whether they are articulate or not, whether they are
Adept at the techniques of human relations or Otherwise, we believe in them and work with them successfully. In the words of William George Jordan, every person has been given the amazing power of good or evil in his life. It is just a constant reflection of the silent, unconscious, invisible influence of his life.
A person is as he really is, not as he enjoys them. The Power of Paradigm. In the seven habits of highly effective people, many basic principles of human effectiveness have been mentioned. This habit is fundamental and primary. It is the key to assimilating those correct principles. which represent
Are the foundation of lasting happiness and success But before we can truly understand these seven habits, we must understand our own paradigm and how to change our paradigm Character-Based Ethics and Personality-Based Ethics Examples of Social Paradigm The word paradigm
Comes from the Greek language. It is originally a scientific term and nowadays it is usually used in the sense of paradigm, theory, perception, belief or viewpoint. More generally, it is the way in which we see the world. It is related to vision. Our senses
Are not through motor perception but through feeling, understanding and analysis. For our purposes the easiest way to understand paradigms is to see them in the form of maps. We all know that maps are not regions, they are just some aspects of the real region. Explains and Paradigm does the same.
It is a principle explanation or paradigm of something else. Suppose you want to reach a particular place in Chicago. If you have a map of the streets of the city, it will take you a lot of time to reach your destination. Help will help, but suppose
You were given the wrong map. Due to a printing error, Chicago was mistakenly printed on the map of Detroit. Can you imagine the frustration and failure you would face while trying to reach your destination? It will take time. You may improve your behavior. You may work harder and
Double your speed. But your efforts will only get you to the wrong place faster. You may improve your attitude. More Think positively. You still won’t be able to reach the right place, but you probably won’t care about it. Your attitude will be so positive that
You will be happy wherever you reach. The point is that you will still be wandering from the original problem of yours. It has nothing to do with behavior or attitude. It has everything to do with the fact that the map you have is wrong.
When you have the right map of Chicago. When you have the right map of Chicago. Hard work matters. When you have the right map . Perspective can really make a difference when you encounter frustrating difficulties on the road,
But the first and most important requirement is that the map be correct. Each of us has many maps in our minds, which can be divided mainly into two categories. One thing can be placed in maps of the way reality is and two things are
Maps of life values as it should be. It is through these mental maps that we interpret our every experience. We rarely question whether the maps are correct. Usually we don’t even know whether we have maps or not. We just assume that the way we see things is the way they really
Are or the way they should be. Our attitudes and behavior are shaped by these beliefs. The way we see things shapes how we think and act. Before we continue, I invite you to take a moment to pause for an intellectual and emotional experience on page 34
. Take a look at the picture Now look at the picture on page 35 and describe carefully what you see. Do you see a woman in it? How old do you think she should be? What does she look like? What is she wearing? What kind of person do you think
She is? Let’s look at the roles. You would probably describe the woman in the second picture by saying that she would be about 25 years old. Very pretty, a little fashionable, with a small nose and a little tantrum. If you were single, you would want to take her on a date. If
You were in the retailing business. You might want to hire her as a fashion model but you would be wrong if I tell you that this picture is of a 60 or 70 year old woman who looks sad, has a very big nose and
Is definitely not a model. She’s a lady you might want to help cross the road. Who’s right? Look at the picture again. Do you see the old lady? If not, keep trying. Can you see her big nose if you and I were facing us? So we could discuss this picture You
Could tell me what you see and I could tell you what I see We could keep discussing until you clearly show me What do you see in this picture and I would not have clearly shown you what I see since we cannot do that so
Open page 59 and study the picture given there and then look at this picture again Do you now see the old lady? It is important that you see her before reading further. I first encountered this experiment at Harvard School many years ago. A trainer was using it clearly and effectively to demonstrate that
That two people can disagree even after looking at the same thing and both be right is not logical, it is psychological. The trainer brought a lot of large cards into the room, half of which had a picture of a young woman on them and the other half had
Cards on them. But there was a picture of an old lady. They distributed cards in the class. In one part of the room they distributed cards with a picture of a girl and in another part they had a picture of an old lady. They asked us to concentrate on
Our respective cards for 10 seconds. After that He took the cards back from us, then he showed the picture given on page 35 on the screen through a projector, which was made by combining both the pictures. After this he
Asked the whole class to describe the woman who saw the picture of the girl in the card. Those who had seen the picture of the scan also saw a young woman and those who had seen the picture of an old woman in the card also saw an old woman in this picture.
Then the trainer asked a student to tell a student sitting on the other side of the room that he What you saw was that when they talked to each other, communication problems came to the fore. What do you mean by old lady? Her age cannot be more than 20 or 22 years.
Forget it, you are probably having fun. She must be 70 years old and She may be around. What has happened to you? Are you blind? This woman is young and beautiful. I will take her out for a walk with me. She is beautiful and beautiful. She
Is a happy old lady. The debate escalated, both of them were not only concerned about their point of view. This was despite the fact that the students had a very important advantage: most of them knew from the very beginning of the experiment
That the other point of view actually existed. This is something that many of us Most people would never accept this in normal life. However, for the first time, only a few students actually tried to look at this picture from another angle. There
Was a futile debate for a long time. After this, one student went to the screen and made a drawing. Pointing to the line, he said, ‘This is the necklace of the young woman. ‘ Through calmness, respect and clear communication, all of us students sitting in the room finally
Succeeded in seeing the other point of view, but when we looked away from it and looked at the picture again, most of us saw the same image in the picture. I often perform this cognitive demonstration in front of people and organizations because it gives us a deeper understanding of personal and interpersonal impact
Than we would have otherwise known. How strongly does conditioning affect our perceptions and paradigm? If 10 seconds can have such an impact on our way of looking at things, then what would be the impact of a lifetime of conditioning in the environment of family, school, church, office, friends,
Colleagues and Current social paradigms such as personality-based ethics have a silent, unconscious impact on our lives. They help us create paradigms and maps of our viewpoints. This also shows that these paradigms are the source of our attitudes and behavior. We can maintain integrity by living outside of them. Or cannot act with integrity
If we talk or behave differently from what we see We cannot maintain perfection If you were one of the 90 people who after being conditioned see the young woman in the composite picture. No doubt you would have had difficulty deciding whether or not you would have to help him cross the road.
Your attitude and behavior would certainly have been consistent with how you saw him. This brings us to a fundamental flaw in personality-based ethics. We fail to examine the fundamental paradigms from which our behavior and attitudes arise, so attempts to change external attitudes and behavior
Do little in the long run. Cognition also shows that our paradigms are related to our interactions with others. How much do we influence behavior even when we think we can see things with complete clarity and objectivity? But we begin to realize that other people
May see them differently from an equally clear and unbiased perspective. Where we stand depends on where we sit. Each one of us has the capacity to think. There is a tendency that we see things as they are, that is, we are objective or neutral, but this
Is not true. We do not see the world as it is, but as we are or as We are conditioned to see. When we open our mouths to describe what we see, we are actually describing our own feelings and our own paradigm. When people
Disagree with us, we are quick to think. They seem to think there is something wrong with them, but as this demonstration proves, even honest and conscious people see the same thing differently, because each person sees it from a unique lens of experience, this does not mean that the facts It does not happen.
At the beginning of the experiment, two people were affected by different conditioning after seeing different pictures. After this they saw the third picture made after combining those two pictures. Now both of them are seeing the same facts: black lines and white lines. Place and both are accepting these as facts
But every person was interpreting these facts on the basis of his past experience and facts have no meaning apart from their interpretation. We can talk about our basic paradigm maps or beliefs. The more aware we are about the extent to which our experiences
Influence us, the more responsibility we can take for our paradigms. In this situation, we can examine our paradigms and compare them with reality. We can listen to others and be open to their experiences. This way we can get a bigger picture and also a more objective or neutral perspective.
The Power of Paradigm Shifts The most important knowledge gained from the experience is probably Paradigm The area of change is what we might call the aha experience. The aha experience occurs when one finally sees the mixed picture from another perspective.
The more tied one is to one’s initial feeling, the more powerful the aha experience is. It is as if suddenly The phrase paradigm shift was first used by Thomas Cohn in his highly influential and important book The Structure of Scientific Revolutions. Cohn explains that almost every significant breakthrough in a field of scientific
Endeavor involves breaking tradition and breaking free from old ways of thinking. According to the great Egyptian astronomer Ptolemy, the Earth was the center of the universe, but Copernicus changed the paradigm by keeping the Sun at the center, although because of this he had to face a lot of opposition and suffering. Suddenly everything
Newton’s physics model was a mechanical paradigm and is still the basis of modern engineering, but it was partial and incomplete. Until the germ theory was discovered, many women and infants died during childbirth. And no one could understand the reason for this,
More soldiers died from minor wounds and diseases than from bullets in war, but with the development of the germ theory, a completely new paradigm, a better and improved understanding, emerged. This method became possible and due to this there
Was a significant and tremendous improvement in the field of medicine. Today’s America is also the result of paradigm change. For centuries, the traditional concept of monarchy and the divine right of the emperor was prevalent regarding governance, only then a different paradigm developed. Governance by the people and for the people, thus
Giving birth to a constitutional democracy that generated immense human energy and capability and created a level of living standards, freedom, influence and hope unmatched in the history of the world. All Paradigm Changes Not in a positive direction As we have seen, when the paradigm
Changed from character based ethics to personality based ethics, it took us away from the roots that nurture true success and happiness, but even if the paradigm change is in a positive direction. Or in a negative direction, whether immediately or in the long run. They
Move us from one way of seeing the world to another and these changes have a powerful impact, whether right or wrong, on our paradigms. I remember experiencing a small paradigm shift when I was traveling on a train in New York on a Sunday morning. People were sitting quietly, reading some newspapers
. Some of them were lost in thoughts and some were resting with their eyes closed. The atmosphere was very quiet, then suddenly a man entered the compartment with his children. The children were making so much noise and making noise that immediately the entire atmosphere The man changed and
Sat next to me and closed his eyes. It seemed as if he was oblivious to the situation. The children were making noise, throwing things here and there and even snatching people’s newspapers. It was shocking to see this. It was natural, but despite this,
The man sitting next to me did nothing. It was difficult to control the irritation in such an environment. I could not believe how he could be so laissez-faire. How was he allowing his children to behave so wildly? Why is he not doing anything to stop it
And why is he not taking even the slightest responsibility? It was clearly visible that every passenger sitting in the compartment, like me, was struggling with this. Finally, with extraordinary patience and restraint, I told him, Mr. people. Your children are really causing a lot of trouble. Shouldn’t you
Do something about it? The man opened his eyes as if he understood the situation for the first time. Then he said softly: Yes, you are right, I think. I should do something about this. I just came back from the hospital with my kids where their mother died an hour ago.
I don’t know what to think or do and I guess the kids don’t know either. How to face this situation Can you imagine how I felt at that moment My paradigm changed Suddenly I started seeing events differently And because I saw events differently I thought differently Felt differently and
Behaved differently. My irritation vanished instantly. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitudes or behavior. My heart ached for that person’s suffering. Feelings of empathy and compassion flowed freely. It started happening Your wife died today Oh I’m so sorry Can you tell me about this How can I help you
Everything changed in a moment Many people when their lives are in danger When people face a crisis and see their priorities in a new light, or when they suddenly step into a new role, they experience a similar fundamental shift in their thinking. Through personality-based ethics,
We can change our perspective. And no matter how hard we spend weeks, months, or even years, trying to change our behavior, we will never come close to realizing the immediate change that occurs when we begin to see things differently. It
Is clear that if If we want to make relatively small changes in our lives, we can probably do so by focusing on our behavior and attitudes, but if we want to make significant quantum changes, we will have to work on our fundamental paradigm. Leaves of Evil in the Words of Thor
But it is better to attack the root once than to attack a thousand times. We can make quantum improvement in our life only when we stop attacking the leaves of behavior and attitude and stop working on the roots i.e. paradigm. From which our behavior and attitudes arise
Seeing and becoming Obviously not all paradigm changes are immediate. Although my paradigm change on the train was immediate, but the paradigm change in me and Sandra’s towards our son was a slow, difficult and deliberate process. Also, the techniques we tried earlier were based on our years of conditioning and experience in personality-based ethics.
Those techniques were the result of our numerical paradigm about the scale of our success as parents and the success of our children until we It wasn’t until we changed those fundamental paradigms and saw things differently that we succeeded in making a quantum change in ourselves and the situation.
Sandra and I had to become different in order to see our son differently . Only when we worked hard on developing the character of our new paradigm was developed Paradigm is inextricably linked with character What we become is what we see
What we see depends to a great extent on what we become So It is not possible for a long time that we may change the way we see but there should be no change in the way we become and the same applies in the opposite direction. The
Immediate change in my paradigm that morning in the train also changed me. This attitude was a result of my basic character and was limited by it. Surely there would have been people who, even after knowing the true situation, would not have felt regret or guilt and
Would have sat quietly beside the sad and confused man. On the other hand, I am sure that there would be sensitive people who would have immediately realized that there was a serious problem and would have taken the initiative to understand and help, which I was not able to do. Paradigms are very powerful
Because they Create the lens through which we see the world The power of paradigm shift is the fundamental force of quantum change, whether this change is immediate or a slow deliberate process The principle-centered paradigm Character-based ethics is based on the fundamental idea that certain principles can control human nature Determine
That these natural laws in the human world are as real and permanent as the law of gravity in the physical world. The reality of these principles and their impact can be seen in the experience of another paradigm shift, described by French Koch at the Naval Institute. In the magazine Proceedings,
Two warships were training on maneuvers in bad weather at sea for several days. I was posted on the leading warship and when night fell I was keeping watch on the bridge. The fog made it difficult for us to see. That’s why the captain was also standing on the beach
And monitoring all the activities. Shortly after it got dark, a watchman came and said that a light is visible in front of the ship. The captain asked whether the light is stable or moving. The watchman replied that the captain is stable. This meant that we
Were going to collide with some ship standing in front. The captain called the signal man and ordered him to send this signal to that ship. We are going to collide . You are advised that you Change your direction by 20 degrees.
A message came from the other side. You are advised to change your direction by 20 degrees. The captain said. Send this message. I am the captain. Change your direction by 20 degrees. The reply came. I am a
Second class sailor. It would be better if you change your direction by 20 degrees. Now the captain got worried and shouted, “Send this message, I am a war ship, change your direction by 20 degrees. This message came to us from the flashing light, I am a light house. We
Changed our direction, Captain.” And the change in paradise for all of us reading this description puts the situation in a completely different light. We can see a reality that was bigger than our limited perception, a reality that is as difficult to understand in our daily life. As important as it
Was to the captain in the fog, principles are like lighthouses. They are natural rules that cannot be broken. As Cecil B. DeMille says of the principles included in his landmark film The Ten Commandments, breaking rules is our It is not possible that we can
Break ourselves only by clashing with the rules. Although people can see their life and behavior in the context of paradigms or maps formed by their experience and conditioning, but remember that this map is not a field, it is a personal perspective. are based on
Reality and are merely attempts to describe the field Objective reality or field is made up of lighthouse-like principles that determine human development and happiness These natural laws have been woven into the fabric of every civilized society since ancient times And in them lie the roots of every family and institution that has endured
And prospered. No matter how accurately our mental maps describe an area, the reality of these principles or natural laws is clear to every person who exists. One who thinks deeply and studies the cycles of social history, these principles come to the surface again and again.
To the extent that people living in a society recognize them and live according to them, to that extent they either survive or And progress or move towards disintegration and destruction. The principles I am pointing to are not mystical or religious ideas. There is not a single principle in this book
That is found only in one religion in which I Religion is also included, this principle is part of every major religion’s permanent social philosophy and moral system. The principles are self-evident and can be easily proven true by any person. It seems as if these principles or natural laws
Are part of the human condition, human consciousness and human conscience. They are present in all human beings regardless of their social conditioning. Whatever the case may be or whether they are loyal to them or not, however, it may be that
This principle may be deeply buried or blunted due to conditioning or lack of loyalty. For example, I would like to point to the principle of fairness which leads to equality and justice. Our entire concept of fairness has evolved. Young children
Have an innate internal sense of fairness, despite their conditioned experiences to the contrary. There is much disagreement about how fairness is defined and achieved. But this idea is universally known. Other examples include honesty and integrity. They create a foundation of trust that
Is essential for cooperation and long-term personal and social development. Another principle is that of the dignity of the human person. The fundamental concept of the Declaration of Independence of America describes this value or principle of life. We
Hold this truth to be self-evident that all human beings are created in the likeness of their Creator and have given them certain rights which should not be infringed, including life. Another principle is the idea of service or contribution. Another principle is of quality or excellence. One principle
Is of potential. According to this, we all have undeveloped potential and we can develop and increase our potential. and can learn new abilities The principle of development is closely linked to ability A process of uncovering abilities and developing qualities that
Requires principles such as patience, nurture and encouragement Theory is not behavior Behavior is a specific activity or task The fact that a behavior that is successful in one situation is not necessarily equally successful in another situation will be proved by those parents who
Tried to raise their second child in the same way as they had raised their first child. Behavior is specific to the status of a child, whereas principles are deep and fundamental truths that apply eternally. They apply to all individuals, marriages, families, private and public organizations, etc. in every field,
When these truths go within and turn into habits. These empower people to behave differently to deal with different situations . The principle is that life is not a value. A gang of thieves may have life values but they are in opposition to those basic principles. About whom we are talking,
Principles are the field, life values are maps. When we give importance to the right principles, we have an interview with the truth i.e. we are able to see things as they are. Principles are the guides of human behavior which They are of proven enduring importance. They are fundamental. They are essentially
Self-evident, so they cannot be debated. One way to quickly understand the axiomatic nature of these principles is to look at how we live an effective life based on their opposite values. I do not think that anyone
Can seriously consider accepting partiality, deceit, meanness, incompetence, inferiority or low character as solid rules of permanent happiness and success, although it may be argued that these How principles are defined, expressed or achieved, but there appears to be a universal inner consciousness and awareness
Of their existence . The more closely our maps or paradigms are linked to these principles or natural laws, the more accurate and useful they will prove to be. Having the right maps definitely has a huge impact on our personal or social impact, whereas efforts to change behavior and attitudes alone will not
Give us much success. The principles of development and change. This is the reason why personality-based ethics shines and has a strong attraction. This is because it is seen as a quick way to achieve success in life. People think it
Will help them make a personal impact and develop rich relationships with other people. They think it will give them that natural boost of hard work and growth. You don’t have to go through the process that makes it possible. It is a symbol without facts. It
Is a get rich quick scheme that promises to make you rich without hard work and it is successful. It may appear to be happening, but its planner remains behind for a long time. Personality-based ethics is deceitful and misleading. Attempts to achieve high quality results with its techniques and quick solutions are as successful
As the map of Detroit. Trying to reach somewhere in Chicago In the words of Eric Fromm , an experienced observer of the roots and fruits of personality-based ethics, today we see a man who behaves like a cleaning machine, who neither knows himself nor Understands that the only
Person he knows is the kind of person he is expected to be. In his life, linguistic communication has been replaced by meaningless chatter. Artificial smiles have replaced sincere laughter and dull frustration. Feeling has taken the place of real pain. Two things can be said about this person.
Firstly, he is a victim of spontaneity and those personality defects which seem incurable. Also it can be said about him that That he is not fundamentally different from the billions of us who live on this earth . Throughout life there are successive stages of development. The child first learns to roll over,
Then to sit, then to crawl and then to walk and Every rung is important and every rung takes time No rung can be skipped The same is true in all areas of life The same is true in all areas of development
Whether it’s learning to play the piano or working with a colleague at the office To do something effectively , this also applies to individuals, marriages, families and organizations. In the field of material things, we know and accept this fact or principle of the process, but
In the field of emotional fields, human relations and personal character, it is more difficult and difficult to accept. It is less widespread. After knowing and accepting it, living in harmony with it is even more difficult and less widespread. As a result, we often look for shortcuts. To save time and effort,
We move ahead by skipping some of these essential steps. We want to grow and still reap the desired results but when we take shortcuts by prolonging the natural process of our development, what happens if you are just an average tennis player but
You want to play at a higher level to create a better image of yourself? What will be the result ? Can you be successful in winning a match against a professional player just because of positive thinking? What if you convince your friends that you can play the piano while playing music? Your actual
Current ability should be of no use. The answer is clear. Violating this development process, ignoring it or taking shortcuts is absolutely impossible. It is against nature and trying to find such shortcuts only results in disappointment and frustration. 10 points On the scale, if I am at the second level in some area and
Want to reach the fifth level, then first of all I have to step towards the third level. The journey of a mile long also starts with the first step and it can be done only by taking one step at a time. can be accomplished if you
Don’t let the teacher know what level you are at by asking questions or revealing your ignorance you can never learn and develop yourself you cannot cheat by pretending for a long time because Eventually you will discover the truth about yourself. Accepting ignorance is often the first step toward learning. Thor taught
How we can remember ignorance as essential to our growth when we use our knowledge all the time . Me. I remember the occasion when my friend’s two young daughters came to me with tears in their eyes and complained that their father was harsh and
Not understanding their situation. Because of the fear of consequences they did not come out in front of their parents. She was reluctant to open her mouth but despite this she felt a strong need for her parents’ love, understanding and guidance.
I spoke to her father and found that intellectually he was aware of the events, although he admitted that He acknowledged that he had a problem with his aggressive nature but he refused to take responsibility for it. He refused to honestly accept the fact that his level of emotional development was low.
His pride was too strong to take the first step towards change. To build effective relationships with wife, husband, children, friends or office colleagues, we need We have to learn to listen to them and this requires emotional fortitude.
Listening involves patience, openness and a willingness to understand, which are highly developed qualities of character. It is much easier to operate at a lower emotional level and give higher level advice. The level of self-confidence is clearly visible in the areas of playing tennis or playing the piano because it is impossible to pretend
, but it is not so obvious in the areas of character and emotional development. We can pretend or mask in front of a stranger or a colleague. We can pretend and we can even get through it for a while At least in public We may even succeed in deceiving ourselves But I believe
Most of us know this to be true How we really are on the inside and I think the people we live and work with also know our reality. I have seen many times in the business world the consequences of trying to take shortcuts in this natural process of development . Executive Rings Leaders
Try to develop a culture of productivity, quality, morale or customer service through training speeches and smiles, through external actions or alliances, and through friendly or efficient mergers, but they do not pay attention to what tactics they use to create distrust. When these measures do not succeed, they
Seek other techniques of personality-based ethics, all the while ignoring and disregarding the natural principles and practices that are the foundation of a culture of high trust. That I, too, had disregarded this principle as a father many years ago. One day when I came home for my 3-year-old daughter’s birthday party, I
Saw her standing in a corner of the outer room. She had gathered all her gifts. She was holding her tightly and was not allowing other children to play with her. The first thing that caught my attention was that many parents present there were watching this selfish display. I was embarrassed and my embarrassment
Increased further due to this. Because I was teaching human relations at the university at the time, and I knew the expectations of these parents, or at least could feel them. The atmosphere in the room was really tense. The children were standing around my daughter with their hands outstretched.
They were asking her permission to play with the toys which they had given her some time ago but my daughter flatly refused to give the toys. I said in my mind that I should definitely teach my daughter to share things with others. The life value of sharing
Is one of our most fundamental beliefs so I first made a simple request – Son, will you let your friends play with the toys they have given you? He replied with a bang No, my second solution was to convince him with logic.
Tha Gudiya Rani, if you let them play with their toys at your house, then when you go to their house, they will also let you play with their toys. Once again, I did not get an immediate answer. My embarrassment was increasing
Because it was clear. That I had no influence at all on my daughter. The third solution was bribe. I said very slowly, son, if you give me the toys, I will give you a big gift, I
Will give you Chungam. She shouted and said, I don’t want Chungam. Now I started getting angry. On the fourth try, I used intimidation. If you don’t give the toys, you will be in real trouble. She cried and said, I don’t care, these are my toys, I don’t
Want to give them to others. Finally, I used force and got some toys from her. Take away and give to other children Children play with these toys Perhaps my daughter wanted to feel ownership of things before sharing them She needed
Me as a father to operate at a higher level of emotional maturity and this Help her experience [music] But at that time, I didn’t care about my daughter’s development or our relationship. Instead, I cared about the opinion of the parents present about me. I
Had made an early decision that I was right. She should share her toys and if she wasn’t doing so then she was wrong. Perhaps I imposed higher expectations on her because I was at a lower level on the emotional scale and was either incapable of understanding or being patient. Then
, reluctantly, I required him to share the toys. In an attempt to compensate for my lack, I borrowed the power of my position and authority and forced him to do that. I did what I wanted him to do but by borrowing power we become weak. The one who borrows power
Becomes weak because he becomes more dependent on external elements to get the work done. This also makes the person who is forced to obey his words also weak. Have been forced to do so because it hinders the growth of independent reasoning power and development of internal discipline and ultimately this weakens the relationship,
Cooperation is replaced by fear and both become more self-willed and defensive and what will happen then? When the source of borrowed power, be it physical strength or greater size, position or authority, degree or status symbol, appearance or past successes, may or may not change, if I were more powerful, I would
Have more confidence in my inner strength. Had that happened, I would have had more confidence in my ability to love and nurture my understanding of sharing and growth, and I would have given my daughter the freedom to choose whether or not to allow others to play with her toys .
Perhaps after giving her a reasoned request, I should have diverted the children’s attention to some other interesting game and spared my daughter the emotional stress. I have learned that when children feel a sense of real ownership, they They tend to share things very naturally, openly and naturally.
My experience has been that there are times when education should be given and there are times when education should not be given. When relationships are strained and there is an atmosphere of emotional tension, education Efforts to give
Are often taken as rejection, but when the environment is good, calling the child alone in peace and giving education or reminding the importance of life value can have a deeper impact. This requires emotional maturity which is Perhaps at that time my level of patience and
Internal control was amazing. Perhaps before the real feeling of sharing, it is necessary to have a sense of ownership in our mind. Many people in their married life and families either give mechanically or do not give anything at all. They refuse to share. They may
Never have a sense of ownership or identity, or they may never have a sense of self-worth. We need to be patient enough to truly help our children develop. We have to give them a sense of ownership and we also have to be wise enough
To teach them the importance of giving and lead by example. It’s our way of looking at the problem that is the problem when people act on solid principles. When they see good things happening in the lives of families and organizations, their curiosity is aroused. They admire their individual strengths and maturity
, family unity and teamwork, adaptability and synergistic organizational culture. And their first request reveals their fundamental paradigm. How do you do this, teach me the technique, actually what they are saying is, please give me some quick advice or solution so that I
Can get relief from the pain of my situation. They will find such people who will fulfill their wishes and help them. We will teach such things and for some time, these measures or techniques may appear to be successful. These measures or techniques
Can eliminate some superficial or serious problems like social aspirin and bathet, but the permanent problem hidden deep down remains as it is. The more people focus on solving their serious problems and pain through quick solutions, the deeper their problems will grow
, and our way of looking at the problem is the problem. This chapter began with Let’s look at them once again and analyze the impact of personality-based ethics. I have attended several training programs teaching effective management. My expectations from my employees are very high. I am friendly and
I constantly try to behave properly but I don’t feel that he is loyal to me. I feel that if I fall sick someday and don’t go to the office, he will stand around the water cooler all day and gossip. Why can’t I create more accountability or find such employees?
Personality-based ethics tells me to do something dramatic so that my employees are in the right shape and start understanding the value of what they have, or I do some inspirational training. Find a program that makes them loyal Or should I hire new people who
Can do better work, but is there a possibility that there is some reason related to me behind the seemingly disloyal behavior of my employees? Is it possible that the employees may have this question in their mind? Am I really acting in their best interests? Do they feel like I’m
Treating them like machines? Is there any truth to that? Deep down, am I really acting in their best interest? That’s the way I see it. Is there a possibility that my way of looking at the people who work for me is
Part of the problem? There’s a lot of work to do but very little time. I’m under pressure every moment of every day, seven days a week. And I live under stress. I have gone to time management seminars and I have
Tried half a dozen time management plans. Although I have got some benefits, I still don’t feel that I am living that happy, successful and peaceful life. I am living as much as I want to live . Personality-based ethics tell me that there must be something
That will help me deal with these pressures in a more efficient way, but is there a possibility that efficiency is not the right solution? Would doing more work in less time really make a difference or would it just increase my speed of reacting to the situations and people that
Seem to control my life? Could there be something I need to do more deeply and fundamentally? There is a need to look at it in a different way. Is there any paradigm within me which is affecting my way of looking at life and nature at my time?
My married life is slipping. We do not fight or quarrel but the love between us is now dead. We have sought marriage counseling. We have tried many methods but to no avail. We are not able to rekindle within ourselves the feelings that we once had. Personality based ethics tells me
That there will be some new book, this seminar, where there will be such a good expression and analysis of feelings that My wife will be able to understand me better or maybe it is meaningless because the love I need can only be found in a new relationship
But is there a possibility that my wife is not the real problem ? That I am exaggerating my wife’s weaknesses and allowing her behavior to interfere with my life. Do I have any such fundamental beliefs about my spouse, about marriage, or about true love
? It’s the paradigm that’s exacerbating the problem. Can you see how the personality-based ethics paradigm fundamentally affects how we look at our problems and try to solve them, even if people can see it? Or not, but many people are becoming disillusioned with the empty promises of personality-based ethics.
While traveling across the country and working with various organizations, I have found that long-term thinkers have found ways to boost mental energy through psychology. They’ve turned away. They’ve turned away from motivational speakers who have nothing more than entertaining stories and clichés. They want something concrete. They want a proper process. They want a
More effective approach than quick fixes like aspirin and bathe. They want to solve long-buried problems and they want to focus on principles that will yield long-term results. A New Level of Thinking Our most important problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking that
Sir Albert Einstein said. When we look around and within ourselves and recognize the problems we have created while living and working within a personality-based ethics, we begin to realize that That these are deep and fundamental problems, they cannot be solved at the superficial level at which they arose. We
Need a new and deeper level of thinking to solve these deep problems. We need a paradigm The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is based on principles that accurately describe the realm of effective human existence and behavior. This new level of thinking is about the
Power of personal and social impact. The policy is from within What is more fundamental is to start from the innermost part of yourself i.e. your paradigm, your character and your motives. This approach says that if you want to live a happy married life, then you have to start with that
Kind of You have to become a person who generates positive energy and avoids it instead of increasing negative energy. If you want to make your teenage son more happy and cooperative, then you have to become a more understanding, sympathetic, harmonious and loving parent. If you want independence, you
Have to become a more responsible, more cooperative, more contributing employee. If you want people to trust you more, you have to become more trustworthy. If you want to achieve the secondary greatness of being recognized for talent. Focus on the primary greatness of the character first. The Inside Out approach says
That personal triumph comes before public triumph. It says that making and keeping promises to oneself comes before making and keeping promises to others. It says that personality should be considered character. It is futile to try to improve relationships with others without improving oneself. Inside Out is a process. It
Is a true process of renewal based on the natural laws governing mental development and progress. It is an upward direction of development. It is a circular path that leads to progressively higher forms of responsible self-reliance and effective interdependence. I have had the opportunity to work with many
Very nice and very talented people. People who deeply want to achieve happiness and success. Those who are searching for Him People who are making others miserable I have worked with business executives and college students churches and civic groups families and couples
In all my experience I have never found permanent solutions to problems or long-term happiness and I have never seen success come from the outside in. As a result of the outside-in paradigm, I have seen people become unhappy. They experience frustration. They
Focus on the weaknesses of others and the circumstances they faced that led to their sad situation. I have seen unhappy couples in marital life, where both want to change the other person, where both count the faults of the other person, where both
Want to mold the other person in their mold, I have seen such situations between workers and management. Have seen controversies where people spend a lot of time and energy creating a law that forces workers to work as if the foundation of trust is already there Our family members
Have lived in three of the hottest places in the world South Africa, Israel, and Ireland, and I believe that in all those places the source of the problems was from the outside in. The dominant social paradigm was that every group involved in the conflict believed
That the problems were outside and that if they were improved or suddenly they would disappear from this world. Problems will be solved if we go inside out is a dramatic paradigm for most people, largely because we have been conditioned under the strong influence of the current social paradigm of personality- based ethics
. I also carefully analyzed successful individuals and societies in history. After this analysis, I came to the conclusion that many of the principles contained in the Seven Habits are already deep within us, in our conscience or consciousness. And to recognize them, develop them, and use them in our intuitive knowledge
To solve our mathematical problems, we just need to think differently. We need to change our paradigm to a new and deeper, inside-out level. When we sincerely want to understand and implement these principles in our life, then
I believe that we will be able to experience the truth of this statement of TS Eliot that we should never stop searching and all our search ends there. But we have to arrive where we started and know that place for the first time The Seven Habits A Brief Survey We become what we
Repeatedly do So excellence is not an act but a habit Aristotle Our character essentially consists of our habits. It is said in a saying, Sow thoughts, reap the harvest of work; Work sow the harvest of habit; Reap habit; Sow the harvest of character;
Reap character; Sow the harvest of destiny; Habit is very powerful in our life. Part of this is that they are constantly repeating processes that often have their source in the unconscious, so they constantly express our character every day and
Are the cause of our effectiveness or lack thereof. As the great educationalist Horace Mann once said, habits We are like a rope, we make each thread of it every day and soon it becomes so strong that it cannot be broken.
Personally, I do not agree with the last part of this statement. I know that habits can be broken. They can be learned and unlearned but I also know that this cannot be done by quick or immediate measures. It
Takes tremendous determination and process. Those of us who witnessed the Apollo 11 journey to the Moon were at that time They were mesmerized as they watched humans walk on the surface of the Moon and return to Earth.
Even high-profile adjectives like unimaginable and unbelievable were inadequate to describe those thrilling days. However, before reaching there, the astronauts had to endure the harsh effects of Earth’s strong gravity. Habits also have a strong gravitational force, which most people either do not fully realize or They do not accept this. Habits
Like procrastination, impatience, criticism or selfishness, which violate the basic principles of human influence, are so deeply rooted that small changes in life or a little willpower cannot be done to uproot them. It takes a tremendous effort to get up, but once we break free of gravity, our freedom
Takes on a whole new dimension. Like any natural force, the force of gravity can work for or against us. The gravity of some of our habits may be currently preventing us from going where we want to go, but on the other hand, it is gravity that binds our world together, keeps the
Planets in their orbits and keeps our universe. It is a powerful force. Definition of Habits For our purposes we will define habit as the intersection or intersection of knowledge, ability and desire. Knowledge is the theoretical paradigm that tells what to do and why to do it. Ability
Tells How to do it and desire is motivation and desire to do something. If we want to inculcate any new habit in our life then we should have all these three. I am ineffective in communication with my office colleagues, life partner or children.
If I keep telling them what I think without really listening to a single thing they say, I may never know that I like what others say, unless I know the correct principles of mutual discussion. Must also listen and suppose I know that in order to communicate effectively with others I
Should listen to them carefully, then it is possible that I do not have the ability to do this. I may not be aware that in fact I am talking about something. How to listen deeply But knowing this is not enough I should listen and how to listen Unless
I want to listen, unless I have the desire to listen, it cannot become a habit in my life To develop a habit There is a need to work hard on these three dimensions. The change of becoming or seeing is a global process. Becoming changes the seeing
Which in turn changes the becoming and as we move up in the global cyclical stage of development it The process continues. By working hard on knowledge, ability and desire, when we abandon our old paradigm, we can then reach new levels of personal and social impact. Effective
Habits, internalized principles and patterns of behavior. Many times this process It is painful , it is a change which should be inspired by a better purpose. Behind it, there should be a desire to give up your present desires for future desires, but this process brings happiness, which
Is the goal and purpose of our existence. Happiness We can give a partial definition as follows: It is the fruit of the willingness and ability to sacrifice immediate desired objects for long-term desired objects. The seven habits of maturity
Are not separate or combined groups, forming the formula of psychological stimulation. Natural laws of development. In consonance with this habit, there is gradual and extremely gradual development of personal and social influence. Integrated policy suggests that it leads us to progressive progress at the stage of maturity,
First from dependence to self-reliance and then from self-reliance to interdependence. When we all start life as infants, we are completely dependent on others. We depend on others to give us direction, nurture and support
Us. If others do not nurture us then we will be able to live only for a few hours or at most a few days. Then gradually with increasing age, we lose physical, mental and emotional strength. And we become more financially independent. Ultimately, there
Comes a time when we start taking complete care of ourselves, start taking our own decisions and become self-reliant. As we grow and mature, we become aware of this. The more we realize that nature itself is interdependent and an interdependent ecological system runs nature,
Which includes society, the further we move forward in this journey of development, we realize that our best abilities and achievements are dependent on other people. Our development from childhood to adulthood follows natural laws. However, development has many dimensions. For example, levels of physical maturity.
It does not mean that we have become emotionally or mentally mature. Similarly, if a person is physically dependent on others, it does not necessarily mean that he is mentally or emotionally immature. Dependence is the stage of maturity. The paradigm of You take care of me You protect me You didn’t save me I
Blame you for the consequences The paradigm of self-reliance is I I can do this I’m responsible I’m self-reliant I can make choices The paradigm of interdependence We can do this We can do this We can cooperate We can do better by combining our abilities and talents
Dependent people need others to get what they want Self-reliant people get what they want Interdependent people achieve their greatest success by combining their efforts with the efforts of others. If I am physically dependent, i.e., a victim of paralysis or disability or any other physical disability, I cannot help myself.
If I’m emotionally dependent, I’ll gain a sense of importance or security from knowing what you think of me. If you won’t like me, it’ll hurt me. If I ‘m intellectually dependent, If I am physically independent, I will expect you to take decisions for me, think for me and
Solve the problems of my life. If I am physically independent, I can do all my work myself. If I am mentally independent, I can think for myself. Can move from one level of thought to another Can think creatively Can analyze Can organize my thoughts and express them in a way
That people can understand If I am emotionally independent So I get support and validation from within myself I am driven from within My sense of self-worth does not depend on someone else’s praise or good behavior It is easy to see that self-reliance is much more mature
Than dependence. Self-reliance in itself is a major achievement but it is not the best. However, the current social paradigm enthrones self-reliance. It is the declared goal of many individuals and social movements. Most of the literature on self-improvement places self-reliance at the highest place.
As if communication is teamwork. And cooperation should be less important. In fact, the reason we currently put so much emphasis on self-reliance is because we do not like dependence, in which other people control us, define us, use us
And exploit us. Most people do not understand the concept of interdependence. They are unable to understand and they lose their dependence on it, which is why we find people who, in the name of self-reliance, often selfishly break their marital relations, abandon their children and shy away from every kind of social responsibility.
The kind of response that results in people throwing off their chains, becoming independent, claiming their rights, and doing their own thing often reveals more fundamental dependencies. We can’t run away because they are internal, not external, such as allowing the weaknesses of others to destroy our emotional life or
Feeling victimized by people and events beyond our control. Obviously, we may feel that we have to take control of ourselves. Circumstances need to change, but the problem of dependency is an issue of personal maturity that has little to do with circumstances. Even when circumstances improve, self-reliance and dependency often persist.
True self-reliance of character gives us the power to act on our own. Instead of having others do things for us, it frees us from dependence on circumstances and other people, and this is an important and liberating goal, but it is not the ultimate goal of an effective life. Self-reliant
Thinking alone is not enough for an interdependent reality. Self-reliant people who do not have the maturity to think and work in accordance with interdependence can work well individually but cannot be good team leaders or players. They have not understood the paradigm of interdependence that
Marriage Family It is essential to get real success in the organization The nature of life itself is very much interdependent Trying to achieve maximum effect spun by self-reliance is like trying to play tennis with a golf stick The equipment is not commensurate with the real need. Interdependence
Is a more mature and advanced concept. If I am physically dependent on another, it means that I am self-reliant and capable. But I also realize that you and I can achieve more if we work together. What I can achieve alone at my best is
If I am emotionally interdependent. I get a sense of my worth from within myself. But I also recognize the need to love and be loved by others if I am intellectually interdependent. I am interdependent, so I feel the need for my own reflection as well as the best thinking of others.
As an interdependent person, I have the opportunity to connect deeply with others and share myself in meaningful ways, and I Only self-reliant people can choose to be interdependent. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent. They do not have the character necessary to do so. They
Do not even have the power to make this decision. That is why the first, second, and third habits of the following chapters are related to overcoming oneself. It moves a person from dependence to self-reliance. This is personal victory and is the essence of character development. Personal victory
Comes before public victory. You This process cannot be reversed any more than you can reap a crop before you plant it. It is from the inside out. When you become truly self-reliant, you create effective interdependence. You have that foundation of character. Teamwork, collaboration and communication are important to make public victory possible.
This does not mean that you have to work on the fourth, fifth and sixth habits. You have to be perfect in the first, second and third habits before you start. If you understand the sequence , you will be able to develop more effectively. But I am not suggesting
That you should master the first, second and third habits until you have perfected them. Until you develop yourself, you should keep yourself isolated or away from everyone for many years. Being a member of an interdependent world, you have to come in contact with the world every day, but the serious
Problems of this world can be easily traced back to the old causes of character. Understanding how your true nature affects interdependent relationships will help you align your efforts with the natural laws of evolution.
The seventh habit is the habit of renewal, which includes all four fundamental dimensions of life. There is a regular and balanced renewal of the habitus. It surrounds and includes within itself all the other habits. It is the habit of continuous improvement that forms an upward circular path of development.
When you reach a higher level in the process of development, this path Takes you to a new higher level where you understand and live all these habits . The diagram on page 69 depicts the sequence and interdependence of the seven habits. Whenever
We look at the sequential relationship of habits and their synergy in this book If we study, we will Using this diagram, we will learn how habits, when related to each other, have a transformative effect on other habits and also increase their value.
While describing each concept or habit, it will be underlined in the diagram. The definition of effect is this. The seven habits are the habits of Prabhav Kata because they are based on principles, hence in the long run they give us maximum good results. They
Become the basis of a person’s character and create the power center of error free maps which makes that person effective. Can solve one’s problems effectively, can maximize one’s opportunities, and can continuously learn other principles and combine them into an upward cyclical path of development. These
Are the habits of Prabhu Kata because they are based on the Paradigm of Prabhu Kata. This paradigm is in harmony with a natural law that I would like to call Public PC Equilibrium, against which many people ruin themselves.
This principle can be easily understood through the example of E. Sabb’s story of the hen and the golden egg. In this proverb, there is a story of a poor farmer who one day found a shining golden egg in the coop of his beloved hen. At first he thought that it
Must be an illusion of his eyes, but when he started throwing the egg, a thought came to his mind that Why not get it checked by the goldsmith? The goldsmith told him that the egg was of pure gold. The farmer
Could not believe his luck. When this incident happened again the next day, he was even more surprised. Every morning, as soon as he opened his eyes, he went towards the barn. He used to run and get a golden egg every day. Soon he became very rich, but it all
Seemed like a dream to him. However, with becoming rich, feelings of greed and impatience came in him. He thought of getting gold every day. So one day he decided to kill the hen and take out all the eggs inside at once
But when he cut open the hen’s stomach he found nothing inside, not even a single gold coin. There was no egg and now in the future he could not get even a single golden egg. The hen that lays the golden eggs. The farmer had killed that hen. In my opinion,
In this story there is a natural law, a principle, an effect, the basic definition of kata. The implication is that most people look at impact kata through the golden egg paradigm. The more you produce or the more work you do, the more impactful you
Are. But as this story shows, true impact kata requires two things: production and Productive assets or productive capacity, such as the golden eggs and the hen in this story. If you adopt an approach to life that focuses only on the golden eggs and ignores the hen, you will soon end up
Laying the golden eggs. You will lose your property. On the other hand, if you only take care of the hen and ignore the golden eggs, you will soon not have enough resources to feed yourself or the hen. The effect
Lies in the spun balance that I call P.Ob. PC is called balance, P means production, C means production capability, PC means production capability , that is, the production capacity to produce gold grains, capability or property
. Three types of assets. Basically, there are three types of assets: physical, economic and human. Let us consider them as one. Let ‘s take a look: A few years ago, I bought a material asset, Power Loan Moyer, an electric lawn mower. I used it continuously but
Did not pay any attention to its maintenance. The machine worked well for some time, then it started making mistakes. I used it. Tried to get it repaired and sharpened again but I found that the engine capacity had halved so in a way this machine
Was now almost useless had I invested in a PC i.e. protected this asset If I had paid attention to its maintenance, I would still be enjoying the P generated by it, i.e. the loan I had carved out. However, the result was
That I would have had to spend more time and money in maintaining the old machine than I would have otherwise. Had to buy a new machine, this was not at all an effective method. In the greed for short-term benefits or results, we often waste our valuable material assets. These assets
Include not only our car, computer, washing machine or dryer, but also our body and the environment. Maintaining balance between P and PC makes a huge difference in the effective use of physical assets. Economic Property also has a huge impact on the effective use of financial assets.
People often do not understand the difference between principal and interest. Have you ever used your principal to raise your standard of living or to get more golden eggs? Decreasing principal means a diminishing power to generate interest or income. Decreasing capital shrinks and there comes a time when it
Cannot even meet basic needs. Our most important financial asset is our earning capacity. If we use our PC If we don’t continuously invest in improving, we limit our options. We become trapped in our current situation and remain afraid of what the company or boss might think of us. Once again,
This is not an effective method. P-O-P-C balance is equally basic in the human sphere, but it becomes more important because it is the human who controls the physical and economic assets when in marital life. Both spouses are more concerned about gaining the golden egg and
Less about preserving the relationship that makes it possible, so they often become insensitive and careless. They ignore and forget the civility that is so important in a deep relationship. They start using tricks of emotional control to get things done from each other. They start focusing on their own needs
Through logic. They justify their behavior and look for evidence to prove the other person wrong. The intensity of love, tenderness and spontaneity start decreasing. The hen gets sick day by day. Now let us see what happens in the relationship between children and parents when children. When they are very young, they are very
Dependent, tender and insecure, so it is very easy to overlook the hard work that has gone in. You overlook the importance of training them, communicating with them, connecting with them and listening to them. Instead, it is more It’s easy to take advantage of their insecure situation, get them to do your work, get
Them to do your work the way you want it to be done, after all you are older than them, wiser and you are right, so why not just tell them that? Let them know what to do, if necessary, yell at them, threaten them, force them to do things your way, or on the
Contrary, you can fulfill their every request. You are chasing the golden egg of popularity. They may try to please them at all costs and allow them to do whatever they want. As a result, they may not have an internal sense of norms or expectations as they grow up, as well as a
Lack of personal commitment to being disciplined or responsible. Whether you adopt a dictatorial approach or a very generous one, basically your mentality is of golden eggs. You either want to run your own business or you want the children to like you. But
What happens to the hen during these few years? How much sense of responsibility or self-discipline will the child have later, or how much confidence will he have that he can take right decisions and achieve important goals? And what will happen to your relationship when
He reaches that crucial critical period of adolescence when he needs to understand his identity? If someone has to go through an identity crisis, will his experience give him the confidence that you will listen to him attentively without passing judgment? Will he feel that
You really care deeply about him and that he will lean on you no matter what? Can you trust , will this relationship be strong enough that you can connect with him, communicate with him, influence him. Let’s say you want your daughter’s room to be clean. This
Is P means production or the golden egg. Let’s say you also want this. This is PC i.e. productive capacity. Your daughter is the hen or property that lays the golden eggs. If there is a balance between your P and PC, then she
Will clean her room happily and without any reminder. This is because She is committed and has the discipline to stay committed. Your daughter is a valuable asset. She is the goose that lays the golden eggs. But if your paradigm is
Focused on production, i.e. getting the room cleaned, then you may not feel comfortable with her. You may have to repeatedly ask or interrupt to get the work done, you may increase your efforts and start shouting at him or
Started threatening her In this way, because of the desire to get the golden egg, you weaken the health of the hen. Let me tell you about an interesting personal experience of mine with one of my daughters. We were planning to go on a personal date. I I would like to tell you
That I like to go on regular dates with each of my children. We have found that waiting for the occasion is just as satisfying as experiencing it, so I went to my daughter and said to her, “Son, today.” At night we
Are going out tell me what do you want to do she replied leave it daddy let it be I said no really tell me what do you want to do she finally said look what I want you will not like I said seriously look son I definitely You will like it
, you decide where we will go together, she replied, I want to watch the Star Verse movie, but I know you do not like Star Verse, you fell asleep in the previous movie, you do not like these kind of fantasy movies.
Let it be, daddy, no, son, if this is what you want, I would also like it, daddy, don’t worry about this, it is not necessary that we always go out on our dates. She paused for a while and said, but do you know that Star Why don’t you like Star Wars
? It’s because you don’t understand the life philosophy and training of a Jedi Knight. Daddy, the principles you teach are the same principles that a Jedi Knight is trained to follow. In fact, then we must be watching Star Verse. She sat next to me and explained the paradigm to me. I
Became her student and started learning from her. It was a very pleasurable experience. Now I could see a new paradigm in the whole movie. Now I understood what the training of a Jedi Knight is. How the basic philosophy unfolds in different situations This
Was not a pre-planned P experience but an unexpected fruit of PC investment. It strengthened our relationship and we also enjoyed it. We also got the benefit of the golden egg because the hen is our relationship. The quality of _ Can be adopted by individuals as well as organizations, including families. When people
Do not respect the P-O-P balance in the use of physical assets in organizations, they reduce the impact of the organization. Not only this, they often Dying chickens are left to others. For example, a person is in charge of a machine or a physical asset. He
Is very eager to impress his superiors. Perhaps the company is growing rapidly and promotions are happening quickly. He produces maximum production and does not stop work even for a day for the maintenance of machines. He runs the machines day and night. As a result,
Production is very high, costs are reduced and profits skyrocket. Within a short time, he gets promotion. But suppose you come to work in his place, you inherit a sick chicken because by now the parts of the machine have worn out
And it has started breaking down. You have to stop work for several days for the maintenance of the machines. And expenses also have to be incurred. Costs start skyrocketing and profits fall into the abyss. Who is to blame for the loss of the golden egg? You know the truth is that
The property was destroyed by your previous supervisor but the bookkeepers only did the work for the company. Kept records of production costs and profits This is especially important when public PC balancing is applied to an organization’s human assets, i.e. customers and employees. I know a restaurant that
Serves excellent fish soup. This restaurant used to serve fish soup . It was packed with customers every day at lunch time. Then one day it was sold. Its new owner focused on the golden eggs and
Started adding more water to the soup. He tried to reduce the cost for a month and Due to the income remaining the same, the profit increased a lot but gradually the customers started decreasing. The trust was lost, hence the business also collapsed. The
New owner lost his senses. He tried hard to make it as popular as before but to no avail. I had neglected the customers, had broken their trust and had lost the wealth of their loyalty; now there is no longer that hen left that
Can lay the golden egg. There are many such organizations where there is a lot of talk about the customers. PC principles exist but completely ignore those who come in contact with customers i.e. employees. The PC principle is that you should always treat your employees the same way you
Would want them to treat your best customers. You can buy his hands but you can’t buy his heart where his enthusiasm and loyalty reside. You can buy his waist but you can’t buy his mind where his creativity, intelligence and efficiency reside. PC means that you Treat your employees as volunteers,
Treating them the same way you treat your customers. After all, employees are volunteers because they are willing to give the best parts of themselves, their hearts and minds. I was once in a group where someone asked how to mold lazy and incompetent employees. One man replied, throw handballs. Many people
Were amused by this manly management suggestion because their According to me, the right policy of supervising was either improve or else get lost but another person present in the group
Asked who will pick up the pieces, there will be no pieces left and that person said then why don’t you do the same with your customers too make it clear to them. Tell me in words, listen, if you don’t want to buy, then get out of here immediately. He said, you
Can’t do this with customers, then how can you do this with your employees because they do your job, I understand now you Tell me, are your employees dedicated to you, do they work hard? How many people in your company leave their jobs and go to other companies? Are you kidding?
Where are the good people these days? Most of the employees leave their jobs. Too many. We take vacations and work part-time along with our work. People don’t care about the company these days. By focusing on an attitude or paradigm that cares about the golden eggs, you tap into the energy
Of the other person’s heart and mind. Ca n’t exploit _ Accounts are emptied and relationships are broken. Paying too much attention to the PC is like a person who runs for three to four hours every day and brags that doing so will increase his lifespan by 10 years.
Paying too much attention to the PC. Dena is like a person who runs for three to four hours every day and brags that doing so will add 10 years to his life. He does not realize that he is spending almost the same amount of time running or that Like a
Person who spends his whole life in school and college, never produces anything and lives on the golden eggs of others, i.e. remains a victim of the eternal student syndrome. Balancing well-being is often a difficult decision but I think this is the true essence of Karita. It balances short-term results with long-term results.
It strikes a balance between the desire to keep the room clean and building a relationship with the daughter such that the daughter is determined to do the job willingly and without supervision. This is a principle that you
Can see being proven true in your life when you work too hard day and night to get more golden eggs and get sick or too tired. Because of this, you are not able to produce at all the next day. On the other hand, if you
Had a good sleep at night, then when you wake up in the morning, you are ready to produce for the whole day. You can also see this theory being proven true when you You put pressure on someone to get the work done as per your wish but after this you
Feel that the relationship has become weak. On the other hand, when you spend enough time in strengthening a relationship, you see that seven things are required to do that communication. The desire and ability to do is greatly increased. The oblique PC balancing effect
Is the true essence of Kata. This holds true in every area of life whether we work with it or against it. It is always present. It is the lighthouse. This effect is spun is the definition and paradigm on which the seven habits of this book are based.
How to Use This Book Before we start working on the seven habits of highly effective people, I would like to suggest two paradigm shifts that come from this book. First of all, I
Would like to suggest you that you should not look at it as a book, that is, you should not think that you have to read it just once and keep it aside, maybe to get information about the entire book. You may
Want to read it completely in one go, however, the content of the book has been prepared in such a way that it will always play the role of your ally in the continuous process of change and development. It has been arranged in increasing order of development
For every habit. At the end, there are suggestions for applying them to life so that as soon as you are ready, you can study and focus on a particular habit as you move to higher levels of understanding and implementing habits. You can try to expand
Your knowledge, ability and desire by repeatedly reading the principles given in each habit. My second suggestion is that you change your paradigm towards this book to the role of a student learning this book. Instead, you step into the role of the teacher teaching it. Follow an inside-out approach.
Read it with the intention of sharing it with someone else or discussing it. Make a goal that within 48 hours of learning it you will Teach or discuss this with someone else For example, if you knew you had to teach someone about public PC equilibrium within the next 48 hours,
Would you have read the book differently when you read this chapter? If you are reading the last part, then try it, read it as if you are going to teach it to your life partner, child, business colleague or friend today, when it is
Fresh in your mind, you will see the difference in your mental and emotional thinking yourself. I guarantee that if you read the content of the next chapters in this manner, you will not only remember the material you read better, but
Your perspective will also broaden, your understanding will deepen and you will be able to implement these habits in life. Motivation will also increase and the motivation to implement these habits in life will also increase. Apart from this, when you openly and honestly share the principles you have learned
With others, you will be surprised to see that people’s negative thoughts or feelings about you will disappear. People to whom you will teach these habits will see you as a changing and developing person. When you implement seven habits in your life, people will help you more in your work
And support you more. It is possible that you And they also start implementing these habits in your life. What can you expect? In the final analysis, as Marilyn Ferguson said, no one can prepare someone else for change. We all
Guard the door to our own change, which is called It can only be opened from within. We cannot open the door to someone else’s change, neither by argument nor by emotional appeal. If you truly
Want to open the door to your own change by understanding and implementing the principles contained in the Seven Habits, If we decide then I want to clarify to you that there will be many positive changes. First of all your progress will be evolutionary but
The ultimate result will be revolutionary. Don’t you agree that if fully implemented then only P-O-P-C balance will be achieved? The principle alone will turn around most individuals and organizations. The result of opening the door to change for the first three habits of personal victory will be that your self-confidence will increase. You
Will know yourself in a more deep and meaningful way. You will understand your nature, your You will become aware of your life values and your unique ability to contribute. When you live your life values, you will have a sense of identity, integrity, control and inner guidance. This feeling
Will fill your life with joy and peace without comparing yourself to others or others’ perceptions. Instead you will define yourself from within yourself, then right and wrong will no longer be a matter of whether or not someone else will notice it. The paradox is that you will care less about
What others think of you. When you think about yourself, you will become more aware of what others think about themselves or their world, including their relationships with you. Then you will no longer focus your emotional attention on the weaknesses of others. Furthermore, you will find that change is much easier and desirable because
Deep down, right at the center, there is something that is fundamentally unchangeable. Then when you come to the next three habits, i.e. the habits of public conquest, you will find your weak or broken important relationships. You will invest both the resources and the desire to improve and rebuild.
Good relationships will not only improve but also become deeper, more solid, more creative and more exciting. If the seventh habit is deeply ingrained, it will renew the first six habits. It will make you truly self-reliant and capable of effective interdependence. Through this you
Can charge your own bat, no matter what your current situation. I assure you that your true self is not your habits. You are breaking old self-defeating behavior. You can break habits and create new ones. You can learn new relationship habits based on effectiveness, happiness, and trust. I really care about you, so I
Encourage you to study these habits as you study them to help you grow and change. Open the doors, be patient with yourself, self-development is a delicate thing, it is a sacred place, there is no bigger investment than this, obviously it
Is not an instant or quick task but I assure you that you will get benefits and so See you soon and you will be encouraged. In the words of Thomas Paine, We give little importance to the things that are easily obtained. Only the things that are obtained with difficulty
Are given importance. God knows how to value His goods properly. To be decided Section Two Personal Victory The First Habit Be Proactive Principles of Personal Observation There is no more encouraging fact to my knowledge than the undeniable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious effort.
This is said by Henry David Thoreau. Try standing away from yourself while reading this book. Focus your consciousness in the upper corner of the room. Imagine that you are standing there and watching yourself read in your mind’s eye. Can you see yourself that way? Now do another thing.
Think about your current state. Can you identify it? What are you feeling right now? How would you describe your current mental state? Now think about this for a moment. Think about how your brain is working. Is it alert and alert? Do you
Feel like your brain is divided into two parts at the moment? On the one hand, your brain is doing this mental exercise and on the other hand, it is evaluating. What lesson will you learn from it? Only humans have the ability to do what you just did.
Animals do not have this ability. We call it self-aware or the ability to think about one’s own thought process. That is why humans are the most powerful people in the world. It is the master of things and is making significant progress from generation to generation,
Which is why we can evaluate and learn from the experiences of others as well as our own, which is why we can form new habits and change old ones. We can give up habits. Our emotions are not our true self. Our moods are not our true self. Our thoughts
Are also not our true self. The fact that we can think about these things separates us from these things and the living world. Self-awareness enables us to stand aside and examine the way we see ourselves. The influence of our self-paradigm, which is the most fundamental paradigm of influence , influences
Not only our attitudes and behavior, but also It also affects how we see other people. It becomes our map of humanity’s fundamental nature. In fact, it’s not until we pay attention to how we see ourselves that we see ourselves. Be able to understand that by not knowing
How others see and experience themselves and their world, we will impose our own intentions on them when analyzing their behavior and still consider ourselves impartial. This greatly limits our personal ability. But thanks to the unique human gift of self-awareness, we can examine our paradigms to determine
Whether they are based on reality or principles. Social mirror is the result of conditioning and circumstances. Suppose we have only that image of ourselves in our mind which is visible in the social mirror, i.e. this present Social paradigms and thoughts of people around us
Arise from the experiences and paradigms. If we see such an image, our thoughts about ourselves will be like a reflection in a strange mirror at a fair. You never arrive on time, you never do things right. Why can’t you keep it organized
You should be an artist You eat like a horse I can’t believe you won It’s so easy Still why can’t you understand This observation is disorganized and inconsistent Usually such observations are reflection They are less a projection of others’ thoughts and more a reflection of our true nature. Instead, they reveal the
Concerns and character weaknesses of the people giving us the information. A reflection of the current social paradigm Tells us that we are largely determined by conditioning and circumstances. Although we accept conditioning as a dominant force in our lives, but if we say that we are determined only by it and we have no control over it. So our map
Would be completely different There are actually three social maps The three most popular concepts of determinism that explain human nature individually or collectively A genetic determinism Genetic determinism basically says that because of your ancestors you are You are like this, that is why your nature
Is like this, your grandfathers’ anger on you was strong and it has come in your DNA too, it has been going on for generations and you have inherited it. Apart from this, you are from Ireland and the anger is with the people of Ireland. Psychic determinism basically
Says that you are the way you are because of your parents. Your upbringing and childhood experiences have shaped your personal tendencies and character structure and that is why you are standing in front of someone. You’re afraid to be. Your parents raised you this way. You
Feel so much guilt if you make a mistake because you remember that emotional programming deep in your heart from when you were so insecure, tender and dependent. You remember the emotional punishment of rejection and comparison to someone else when you didn’t perform as well as expected [music] Three Environmental Determinism Environmental
Determinism basically says you’re the way you are because of your boss or because of your spouse. Or because of your unruly teenage son or your economic situation or national policies, someone or something in your environment is responsible for your situation. Each of these maps is based on the stimulus response
Principle Stimuliste . When thinking about this principle we often Think in terms of Pavlov’s experiments with dogs. The basic idea is that we have been conditioned so that we respond in a specific way to a specific stimulus. This determinism mirrors how accurately and effectively the map field describes humans.
How clearly do they paint a picture of the true nature of Is it a self-fulfilling prophecy Is it based on principles that we can rationalize within ourselves Between stimulus and response To answer these questions, I would like to introduce you to the inspiring story of Viktor Frankl. I would like to tell you
That Frankl was a fatalist. He was a supporter of Freud’s psychological tradition, according to which whatever happens to you in childhood forms your character and personality. This basically controls your entire life. The limits and scope of your life come first. Frankl was a Jewish psychologist.
He was imprisoned in the Nazi death camps of Germany, where he was subjected to inhuman torture. The torture he was subjected to was a violation of human dignity. It was so repulsive and different that we shudder even when we talk about it. His parents, brother and wife
Died in the camps or were gassed in the furnace. His entire family, except his sister, was destroyed. Franken himself also suffered a lot. Tortured and subjected to countless insults, they did not even know what was going to happen to them in the next moment, whether
They would be killed by throwing them in a gas furnace or whether they would be among the survivors who would remove the bodies of the unlucky dead with shovels. One day he was sitting naked, alone in a small room, collecting his ashes. It was in this terrible state
That he became aware of what he later called the last human freedom. The freedom that his Nazi oppressors could not take away from him. They could control Frankl’s entire environment, they could do whatever they wanted with his body, but Viktor Frankl was a self-aware person who could see his situation like an observer.
Basic identities were intact. They could decide in their own minds how it would affect them. They had the freedom or power to choose a response between what was happening to them, that is, between the stimulus and their response to it. Between their traumatic experiences. Frankl used imagination to
See himself in different situations. He imagined himself lecturing in front of his students after being liberated from the death camps. He saw himself in the classroom in his mind’s eye and in that imaginary lecture. He was teaching his students the same lessons that he
Was learning under the harshest torture, in this way, by subjecting himself to mental, emotional and self-discipline, which especially included the use of memory and imagination, he was able to sow the tiny seeds of his freedom. They started practicing it continuously as a result of which it started growing gradually.
A time came when they had more freedom than the Nazi oppressors. The Nazis had physical freedom and more options to choose from in the environment but Frankl They had more mental freedom, that is, they had more inner strength to make their own choices. They became an inspiration to those around them,
Including some Nazi soldiers. They were able to cope with suffering meaningfully and maintain dignity even in prison life. Frankl discovered a fundamental principle about human nature by using his human talent of self-awareness even in the most humiliating circumstances. Man has the freedom to choose a response between stimulus and
Response. These include the talents that make us uniquely human. In addition to self-awareness, we have imagination. Our mind is capable of moving beyond our current reality into imaginary worlds. We have a conscience. We have a sense of right and wrong. We have a deep inner awareness of the principles that control our behavior.
Our conscience tells us the extent to which our thoughts and actions are in line with these principles. And we have self-sufficient will. We act on the basis of our self-awareness, free from all other influences. Even the most intelligent animals do not have any of these talents. To use computer terminology,
They are programmed by instinct and/or training. Animals can be trained to be responsible, but they Can’t take responsibility for training In other words, they can’t train themselves, they can’t change their programming, they aren’t even aware of it, but thanks to our unique human talents, we can write programs for ourselves
That work according to our instincts. Completely separate from instincts and training, that is why the capacity of animals is comparatively limited while that of humans is unlimited, but if we remain like animals, that is, we act according to our innate tendencies, circumstances and conditioning, if we act in accordance with our
Collective If we are governed only by memory, then we will also be limited like them. The fatalism paradigm basically proves to be true in the study of animals like rats, monkeys, pigeons and dogs and neurotic psychotic people suffering from mental disorders.
It may be that it does not meet the expected criteria of some researchers. It is fulfilled because it can be measured and predicted, but the history of mankind and our own self-awareness show that this map does not accurately and flawlessly describe the area. Our unique human talents allow us
To transcend the animal world. The more we practice and develop these talents, the more power we will have to tap into our unique human potential. Our greatest power lies between stimulus and response. The freedom to choose a response. Definition of Pro- Activity During his search for the fundamental theory, Frankl
Created a precise map of himself. With the help of this map, he began to develop the habit of Pro Activity, which is the first and basic habit of a highly effective person in any kind of environment. Pro Activity Model Although pro-activity has now become a common term in management books,
Despite this you won’t find it in most dictionaries. It means more than just taking initiative. It means that as humans we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is not the result of our circumstances but of our decisions. We have emotions. Life can be subordinated to values.
We have the power to take initiative and also responsibility to achieve our desired results. Look at the word Responsibility, i.e. Response Ability, i.e. the ability to choose one’s response. Highly proactive people recognize this responsibility. They control their behavior. Rather than being the result of circumstances based on their emotions, their behavior
Is the result of their own conscious choices based on life values. Since we are proactive by nature, if our lives are shaped by conditioning and circumstances, If we are driven, it is because we have given us the power to control these things either by making a conscious decision or by making a non-decision.
When we make such a choice, we become reactive. Reactive people are often influenced by their physical environment. If the weather is good then they feel good. If the weather is not good then it has an adverse effect on their attitude and work power. Proactive people carry their weather with them.
It does not matter to them whether it is rain or shine. Life is driven by values and if doing quality work is their life value then they are not affected by whether the weather is favorable for it or not. Reactive people
Are also affected by their social environment i.e. weather when people behave well with them. When people behave poorly, they feel good. When people don’t behave well, they become defensive. Reactive people build their emotional lives around the behavior of others and
Allow other people’s weaknesses to control them. The ability to subordinate emotions to life values is the essence of a proactive person. Reactive people are driven by their emotions, circumstances and environment. Proactive people are driven by their life values which they have carefully chosen and adopted in their life. Proactive people are also influenced
By external stimuli whether they are physical, social or psychological but their conscious or unconscious response to the stimulus is a choice or reaction based on the value of life. As Alan Roosevelt has said , no one can hurt you without your consent.
In the words of Gandhiji, if we do not give up our self-respect, no one can take it away from us. Whatever happens to us, we are not as sad as it is because of our consent and the permission given by our will.
I agree. That this is very difficult to accept emotionally, especially when we have been blaming circumstances or someone else’s behavior for our suffering for years, but until someone says deeply and honestly, I am what I am today. I am because of the choices I
Made yesterday. He can’t even say I choose to change. Once when I was speaking on activism in Sacramento, a woman in the audience stood up in the middle of the speech and was thrilled. She started speaking. There were many
People sitting in the audience and when many eyes started staring at her, she suddenly realized what she was doing so she sat down feeling embarrassed. However, she was not able to control herself so she She started talking to the people sitting around her. She
Looked very happy. I became so impatient to know what had happened that I couldn’t wait for the break. Finally, as soon as the break came, I immediately went to her and asked her. “Does she want to narrate her experience to me ? ” He never praises me and
Ignores my efforts to win. He always yells at me and finds fault in everything I do. This man has made my life hell and I often vent my frustration on him. I take it out on the family. The other nurse also
Feels the same way as me. We all pray for her death. And look at the audacity of you to stand there and suggest that no matter what or A person cannot make me miserable without my consent and I have chosen to make my emotional life miserable. Look, I
Can’t agree with this in any way but I kept thinking about it. I really looked into my heart. And asked if I had the power to choose my response. When I finally realized that I had this power. When I bit that bitter pill and discovered that I
Had chosen to be unhappy, I also realized that I I can choose not to be sad. That moment I stood up, I felt like I was walking out of San Quentin prison. I wanted to scream and tell the whole world that I
Am free now, I am out of prison. I will no longer let myself be controlled by another person’s behavior. What happens to us doesn’t hurt us as much as our reaction to it. Obviously, events can hurt us physically or financially and make our lives miserable. Our most difficult experiences
Are actually tools that mold our character and develop our inner strengths, giving us the freedom to face difficult situations in the future. Frankl is one of many people who developed the personal freedom to lift up and inspire others even in difficult circumstances. Contexts from the autobiography of a Vietnam prisoner of war
Also support this. provides evidence that our personal freedom has transformative power and that through responsible exercise of this freedom, prison culture and inmates can be impacted. This was as true then as it is today for all of us. You may know such people who are facing very difficult situations
Or are victims of incurable disease or serious physical disability but despite this they have kept their strong emotional strength intact. Their integrity inspires us a lot . Nothing leaves as great or lasting an impression as the feeling that one has risen above suffering and circumstances, that such a person lives and
Expresses the values of life that inspire, refine, and elevate life . A very inspiring time in our lives was when we kept in touch with our dear friend Carol, who had been diagnosed with cancer for four years. She was Sandra’s bridesmaid and both
Were close friends for 25 years. When Carol was in the last stages of her illness, Sandra Carol wanted to write something about her life, and Sandra helped her do this. Whenever Sandra returned after doing this difficult task for a long time, she was full of admiration for her friend’s courage.
Looked overwhelmed and mesmerized Her friend was getting special messages written for her children to be given to them at various stages of their lives in the future Carol took minimal painkillers so that she could fully utilize her mental and emotional abilities Then she would record her words on a tape recorder
Or read them to Santa. Carol was so proactive and brave. She became so caring for others that she became a great source of inspiration for those who came in contact with her. I remember her. I will never forget the experience when
I looked deeply into Carol’s eyes the day before she died. I saw that even in the midst of that deep pain she was aware of her strong inner worth. I could see in her eyes a life of character, contribution and service. For years I have been asking groups of people
How many of them have been inspired by a dying person who had an amazingly positive attitude and who communicated love and compassion to the end and Someone who has served others incredibly well. Usually a quarter of the audience answers yes. Then I ask how many of them will never forget these people.
How many lives were changed by being inspired by this courage, even if the change was temporary . Why not? And how many people were deeply moved and inspired by such excellent acts of service and Corona? Almost always a quarter of the listeners answer yes to this. Viktor Frankl suggests that there
Are three central values in life: Experiential That is, whatever happens to us is creative, that is, that which we bring into existence and perspective. Attitudinal, that is, the response we have to difficult situations like terminal illness. My experience with people confirms Frankl’s point. In my opinion,
The highest value of these three life values in terms of paradigm or reframing is attitude, in other words the most important . It is how we respond to life experiences. Difficult situations often shift paradigms and create entirely new parameters of reference by which people
View the world, themselves and others, and what life throws at them. Their broader perspective on what to expect reflects the spiritual values that lift and inspire us all. Taking Initiative Our basic nature is to act, not to let others act on us, which is why we respond to special circumstances. We
Are able to choose our response to and we also have the power to create our own circumstances. Taking initiative doesn’t mean being obnoxious, aggressive or insensitive. It means recognizing our responsibility for making events happen. Over the years I have often counseled those I have been giving.
Those who want better jobs, I advise them to take more initiative. I say that they should get their interest test and intelligence test done. Also, they should study not only the industry they want to go into but also the company. Study the company they want to work in. I advise them to
Study the specific problems the company is facing and then prepare an effective presentation explaining how their skills can solve the company’s problems. This is called solution selling and is a key paradigm for success in business. Responding to this, people generally agree. Most people understand that such a strategy will
Greatly increase their chances of employment or promotion. But Many of them do not take necessary steps and initiative to make it possible I do not know where to go to get interest test and intelligence test done How do I study the industry and company problems No one helps
Me Want to do I don’t know how to prepare an effective presentation Many people wait for something to happen or they want someone else to help them, but good jobs go to people who are proactive and solve problems themselves. Rather, those who
Have solutions to problems and who take the initiative to make every possible effort in accordance with the right principles to complete the task. Whenever any member of our family, even a small child, shows irresponsibility. And waits
For someone else to get his work done or to suggest a solution, then we tell him to use his intelligence and initiative power. In fact, often even before we say this, he himself says this in response to his complaints. I know I have
To use my intelligence and initiative to guide people on the path of responsibility, not to tear them down but to lift them up. Proactivity is part of human nature and although the proactive muscles may be dormant, they are there in all of us. By respecting the proactive nature we
Provide them with at least a clear and error-free reflection in the social mirror . Obviously we must also take into account the maturity level of the person. We cannot expect high constructive cooperation from people suffering from deep emotional dependency. But the least we can do is to
Encourage their basic nature and create an environment where people can exploit opportunities and solve problems in an increasingly self-reliant manner. Do or let them act and be acted. There is a difference like day and night between people who take initiative and people who do not take initiative. I am
Not talking about just 25 to 50 percent difference in effectiveness, I am talking about more than 5000 percent difference, especially when When they are intelligent, aware, and sensitive to others, it takes initiative to create a public balance of influence in their lives. Developing the seven habits
Requires initiative as you study the remaining six habits. You will see how much each habit depends on the development of proactive muscles. It is your responsibility to work on each habit if you do it yourself. But if you wait to be worked on, others
Will work on you the way they want. Growth and opportunity will get you results both ways. I was once working with a group of people in the home improvement industry. There were representatives from 20 organizations who came together every three months to openly discuss their data and problems. The
Great Recession was going on and this specific industry had been hit more negatively than the general economy when we started the discussion. These people were very desperate. On the first day we discussed this question: What is happening to us, what is the stimulus, many things were happening, environmental pressures were strong,
Unemployment was widespread everywhere and many people were trying to save the company. We were forced to fire our employee friends. When the discussion ended that day, everyone became more disappointed. The next day we discussed the question of what is going to happen in the future.
We studied the trends of the environment and it contained this reactive belief. Our reaction _ _ What are we going to do? How can we use our power of initiative in this situation ? In the morning we talked about managing and reducing costs. In the afternoon we
Discussed ways to increase market share. We brainstormed deeply on both these topics. After this, we focused on many practical things that could be done. When this meeting ended, a new feeling of excitement, hope and proactive awareness was clearly visible among everyone. On the third day Finally, we
Answered this question by dividing the results of the conference into three sections: How is business? Section One: What is happening to us is not good and the trends suggest that things will get worse before they get better [Music] Section Two But What we are doing is very good because our management
Is better than before. We are reducing our costs and increasing our market share. Volume Three That is why the business is better than before. Now what would any reactive person say on this? Forget the facts. Face it. This policy of positive thinking and encouraging yourself
Cannot last long. Sooner or later you will have to face the reality. But this is the difference between positive thinking and pro- activity. We have faced the reality. We have faced the current situation and future projections. But we also faced the reality that we had the power to choose positive responses to
These circumstances and expectations. A reality we would not have faced if we had accepted the idea that the environment Businesses, community groups and organizations of all kinds, including families, can be proactive. They can harness the creativity and intelligence of proactive individuals to create a proactive culture within the organization.
There is no need to place the organization at the mercy of the environment. The organization can take initiative to achieve the shared life values and objectives of the individuals involved. Listening to your own language. Because our attitudes and behavior arise from our paradigm, so if we are willing to examine them. When
We use our self-awareness to communicate, we often see the nature of our own internal maps in them. For example, our language is a real indicator of the extent to which we consider ourselves proactive. The language of reactive people makes them feel responsible. Or relieves responsibility
I am just the way I am I am predetermined I can’t do anything about it It makes me angry I’m not responsible What controls my emotional life is out of my control I can’t do it I don’t have time Something outside of me is
Controlling me Limited time I wish my wife was more patient Someone else’s behavior is limiting my effectiveness I have to do whatever I do what I do I am forced by circumstances or other people I am not free to choose my actions Reactive Language vs. Proactive Language I
Can’t do anything under these circumstances Let’s look at my options I I’m like this I can choose a different strategy He makes me angry I can control my emotions They won’t allow it I can prepare an effective presentation I have to do this I will choose the appropriate response
I won’t I can, I choose, I have to, I force it, I wish I could, I would. Reactive language comes from the fundamental paradigm of determinism and its whole sense is a transfer of responsibility or accountability. I am not responsible. I cannot choose my reaction. Once a student asked me, “Will you
Let me go from class today? I have to go to play a tennis match.” I asked, “Do you have to go to play or do you choose to go?” She said with surprise, “I really have to go, what will happen to me if you don’t go?” How would you like this outcome of
Being kicked off the team? I wouldn’t like it. In other words, you are choosing to leave because you want the outcome of staying on the team. On the other hand, what would happen if you leave my class? I don’t know. Think carefully, what could be the natural consequence of not coming to class?
You will not throw me out of the class, nor will it be a social consequence, it will be an artificial consequence. If you do not go to the tennis team, you will not be able to play, this is a completely natural consequence, but If you
Don’t stay in the class then what will be the natural result. I think I will not be able to learn. Absolutely right so now you have to make your choice after comparing both the results. Well I know that if I were you then I would play tennis.
“Choose to play a match. But never say that you have to do any work. ” It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People’s paradigm becomes even stronger that they are predetermined and they have evidence to support this belief. They begin to see themselves as
Victims of circumstance. They begin to believe that That they have no control over their circumstances They feel that they have no control over their life or their destiny They blame outside forces for their situation Other people, circumstances,
Even the stars I Pro Activity in a Seminar I was speaking on the concept of ‘ When a man came forward and said, Stephen, I like what you are saying but every situation is different. Just look at my married life. I am really
Worried about my wife and I now that they are there for each other. There are no feelings left that we used to have before. I feel that I don’t love her anymore and she also doesn’t love me. What can I do? I asked, now there
Are no feelings left at all. He said, you are right. And we have three children about whom we are really worried. What is your suggestion? I replied, Love your wife, I told you, that feeling is no longer there, love her, you are not understanding, the feeling of love is no more. Still
Love him, if there is no feeling then it is a good reason to love him but when you do not have the feeling of love then how can you love? Friend, love is an action, the feeling of love is the result of that action. So love him, serve him,
Sacrifice, listen to him, put yourself in his shoes, appreciate him, support him. Are you willing to do all this? In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people call it an emotion. They are driven by emotions. Hollywood movies have generally
Scripted the belief in our minds that we are not responsible because we act according to our emotions. But the scripting of Hollywood movies portrays reality. If our emotions control our actions, it is only because we have given them the power to do so and have abdicated our responsibility. Proactive people
Make love a verb. Love is something you do. In this you sacrifice and give yourself in the same spirit as a mother gives birth to her newborn child. If you want to study love then study those people who sacrifice
For others. This sacrifice they make for those people. even for those who hurt them If you are a parent, consider the love you have for your children for whom you have made sacrifices. Love is a life value that is actualized through loving actions.
Proactive individuals place emotions below life values The feeling of love can also be revived Circle of Anxiety Circle of Oblique Influence Another excellent way to become more self-aware of the extent of your proactiveness is to pay attention to It’s about where we focus our time and energy. We
All have a lot of worries: our health, our kids, our office problems, the country’s debt, the nuclear war. By creating a circle of worry, we can separate these things from the things that concern us. There is no special mental or emotional connection When we
Look at the things inside our circle of worry it becomes clear that some of these things are things we have no real control over and others are things we can control. We can do something by identifying these latter things and placing them in
Smaller circles of influence . We can determine the extent to which we are being proactive by determining which of these two circles we focus most of our time and energy on. Focus Proactive individuals focus their efforts on their circle of influence. They work on things they can do something about. The
Nature of their energy is positive, broadening, expanding. As a result, their circle of influence becomes larger. Reactive people, on the other hand, focus their efforts on the circle of worry. They focus on the weaknesses of others, problems in their environment, and circumstances
Over which they have no control. The result is that their perspective is focused on blaming others. Their language is reactive and they keep complaining about being harassed. This focus creates negative energy and also causes them to ignore things about which they
Can do something. Both of these can cause their circle of influence to become smaller. Reactive Focus. As long as we are operating within our circle of worry, we are giving the things within it the power to control us. We are unable to generate positive change. Earlier I
Told you the story of our son who was having serious problems at school. Sandra and I were very concerned about his obvious weaknesses and the behavior of others towards him, but these things were not our As long as we focused our efforts on these things, we were unable to achieve anything.
This only increased our feelings of incompetence and helplessness, and our son became more dependent on us as we worked on our circle of influence. When we focused our attention on our paradigm, positive energy was generated that changed us and ultimately influenced our son.
By working on ourselves instead of worrying about the circumstances, we were able to influence the circumstances . There are also situations in which a person’s circle of influence is larger than his or her circle of concern, due to wealth, role or relationships. This situation is indicative of self-imposed emotional myopia. Emotional myopia is
Centered around another circle of concern. Reactive is a selfish lifestyle. Although proactive people may have to prioritize the use of their influence, their circle of concern is at least as large as their circle of influence and they use their influence effectively. Accept responsibility for exercising Direct control Indirect control and
Zero control The problems we face fall into one of these three areas Direct control Problems that have to do with our own behavior Indirect control Problems that have to do with Concerns about the behavior of others or zero control Problems that
We can’t do anything about, such as our past or the reality of a particular situation Proactive approach puts the first step toward solving these three types of problems within our current circle of influence. The problems of direct control are solved by working on our habits. These are clearly
Within our circle of influence. These are the personal triumphs of the first, second and third habits. Problems of indirect control occur. They are solved by changing our methods of influence. This is the public triumph of fourth, fifth, and sixth habits. I have personally identified 30 different methods of human influence. These methods
Are as different from each other as Most people have only three-four of these methods, which usually start with logic and if these methods don’t work, they resort to fighting or fleeing. It’s a great relief to think that I’m learning new methods of human influence instead of
Constantly trying to improve someone else by using old influence methods. This is about the problems of zero control. It involves us taking responsibility for the lines on the lower part of our face. This means that even if we don’t like these problems, we still smile,
Accept these problems calmly and live with them. We learn that we do not give these problems the power to control us. We act in the spirit that is reflected in the prayer of Alcoholics Anonymous. O God, the things that can and must be changed, let me change them. Give us
The courage to accept the things that cannot be changed and give us the wisdom to recognize the difference between the two. Whether the problem is direct, indirect or of zero control, it is in our hands to take the first step towards its solution. What happens is that we change our habits,
Change our methods of influence, and change the way we look at problems with zero control. Expanding the Circle of Influence It’s inspiring to realize that we have no control over a situation. By choosing a reaction we
Can have a strong influence on the situation. When we change one part of a chemical formula we change the nature of the results. I have worked for many years with an organization led by a very talented person. He had the ability to anticipate trends. He was creative, talented, capable and intelligent and
Everyone knew it, but his management style was dictatorial. He treated his employees as if they were incompetent and had no authority to take decisions. Without having the intelligence, he used to speak to the employees of the organization like this, do this, do that, now do this, now do that,
I will take the decision, but the result was that he made almost the entire executive team his opponent. They used to complain about him to others. Their discussions were very frank and emotional as if they were trying to improve the situation but they kept complaining
And absolving themselves of responsibility in the name of the President’s weaknesses. One person Said, you can’t imagine what has happened this time, recently he came to my department, I had made complete preparations, but after coming, he gave completely different signals, on the work on which I had worked hard for many months,
He attacked me. Shot across like this I don’t know how I will be able to work with him in the future How much time is left till he retires The other person said He is 59 years old now Do you think you can work here for the next 6 years I
Don’t know. Well, he is the kind of person who probably won’t be retired. But one of the executives was proactive. He was driven by values rather than emotions. He took the initiative. He guessed it by putting himself in the president’s shoes. Observed and studied the situation He
Was not unfamiliar with the President’s weaknesses but instead of criticizing he tried to compensate for them Where the President’s style was weak he tried to protect his staff and downplay those weaknesses And he acted in accordance with the President’s powers, his vision, his talent and his creativity.
This person focused on his circle of influence. He was treated like a gofer, that is, an incompetent employee, but more was expected of him. While working, he understood what the President’s needs and expectations were. He put himself in the President’s place and understood his basic concerns,
So when he was presenting any information to him, he used to analyze the data and based on that he used to make his decisions. I also used to write recommendations when I was a consultant. One day I was sitting with the President and he said to me, Stephen, this man
Has done an incredible job. He has not only given me the information I asked for, but he has also provided additional information that we really needed. He has addressed my deepest concerns. Has analyzed the data in context and has also written his own recommendations.
The recommendations are in line with the analysis and he is an exceptional executive at analyzing data. What a relief that there is no need to worry about this part of the business. Next meeting. The same was repeated again and again, all the other
Executives were told to do this, do that while that executive was asked what was his opinion. His circle of influence had increased. This caused quite a stir in the organization. The reactive individuals in the executive corridor took revenge on this proactive individual. It is very safe to say I am not responsible because
If I say I am responsible then I may also have to say I am irresponsible. It is very safe for me to say this. What may be difficult is that I have the power to choose my reaction, and by choosing my reaction, I
Have created a negative and deceitful environment for myself, especially when for years I have been shielding myself from responsibility for the consequences in the name of another person’s weaknesses. So I focused on gathering logic and ammo about these executives as to why they were not responsible but that executive
Was also proactive towards them. Gradually his circle of influence reached those people too. It grew to such an extent that in the end It became such a situation that no person in that organization would take any important step without asking that executive or without his approval
But the President did not feel any threat because this person’s power was linked to his power and his His weaknesses began to be compensated for so he now had the strength of two people, a complementary team. This person’s success
Did not depend on his circumstances. There were many other people in the same situation. His chosen response to those circumstances made a difference. His focus on the circle of influence made a difference. Some people think that proactive means offensive, aggressive or
Insensitive. But it is not so. Proactive people are not aggressive. They are intelligent and driven by life values. They analyze reality. Look at Gandhiji, those who accused him were sitting in the assemblies criticizing him because he was not joining their circle of concern. They were criticizing because Gandhiji was the leader
Of India. At that time , Gandhiji was roaming in the paddy fields. He was slowly, peacefully and almost in anonymity, establishing his presence among the farmers and laborers working in the fields. He was expanding his circle of influence, which is why
A grassroots wave of support and trust spread towards him throughout the country. Although he did not hold any post or political chair, but through compassion, courage, fasting and moral insistence, he ultimately brought England to its knees. He would have expanded his circle of influence
And by his power would have ended the political dependence of 30 crore people and become The Have and the Haves. There would have been a way of determining in which circle our concern lies and Recognizing the difference between what I can become and what I am,
The circle of worry is full of I would be happy if I didn’t have a loan. If my boss wasn’t such a dictator. If my husband had more patience. If my kids were more obedient. If I had a degree. If I had more time for myself My circle of influence could become full
If so, then this thought itself is the problem. In this way, we give power to external things to control us. In this thought, the paradigm of change is from outside to inside. Before we can change , external things have to change. Proactive policy from inside to outside. To change
Is to be different, and by being different, to make a positive change in external circumstances. I can become more intelligent, become more hard-working, become more creative, become more cooperative. I am particularly fond of a story from the Old Testament that is fundamental to the Judeo-Christian tradition. This is part of Joseph’s structure.
The story is that at the age of 17 he was sold into slavery by his brothers in Egypt. Imagine how easy it would have been for Joseph to wallow in pity in the ocean of misery as Potiphar’s slave. [Music] ] He would focus on the weaknesses of his brothers and his master and
Bemoan his shortcomings, but Joseph was pro-active, he insisted on becoming, and after a while he began to take over the entire business of his master, Potiphar. Potiphar was very angry at Joseph. He had faith in him so he made Joseph the
In-charge and executor of all his property. Then the day came when Joseph got caught in a difficult situation but here too he refused to compromise with his integrity as a result of which he was unjustly 13 He was put in jail for a year but once again he became proactive. He
Worked on his inner circle of influence and emphasized can’s rather than would’s. Thanks to this, he soon started running the jail and eventually guiding the whole of Egypt. He progressed so much that he became second only to the Emperor. I know this idea is a huge paradigm shift for many people. It is
Very easy to blame the conditioning of others or circumstance for one’s own dysfunctional state. It happens but it is our responsibility to control our life because we have the ability to react. We are responsible to have a strong influence on our circumstances by working on
Who we are at the moment . If there is a problem in my married life. What am I really gaining from constantly blaming my wife ? By saying that I am not responsible, I am making myself a victim of circumstances. I am making myself passive in a negative situation. I am
Also taking away my ability to influence my wife. My taunts, blame and criticism make her more vulnerable as she tries to rationalize her own weaknesses. My criticism is worse than the behavior I am trying to correct. I am trying to positively influence the situation. My potential
Withers and eventually dies due to such behavior. If I really want to improve my situation then I can work on the one thing that is within my control i.e. myself. I stop trying to improve my wife. I can focus on being a good partner and a source of unconditional love and support.
I can then hope that my wife will feel the power of this proactive example. And she will behave similarly in return. But whether she does so or not. Working on yourself, that is, on becoming yourself,
Is the most positive way to influence your situation. There are many ways to work on your circle of influence. Becoming a better listener. Becoming a more loving partner Becoming a better student Becoming a more cooperative and dedicated employee Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is be pleasant Just
Give a genuine smile Happiness, like sadness, is a proactive choice Many things will happen, like the weather. Those who will never be within our circle of influence But as proactive individuals we can carry our physical or social climate with us. We happily accept the things we cannot control in the present
Even though we Efforts are focused on the things we can control. The other end of the stick is to keep the focus of our lives focused solely on our circle of influence. Need Consequences and Mistakes Although we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose their consequences. Consequences are
Governed by natural laws. They lie in the outer circle of concern. We stand in front of a speeding train. We can decide to be dishonest but we cannot decide what will happen after the train hits us. We can decide to be dishonest in our business transactions. The
Social consequences of this decision can vary as they depend on It depends on whether we are caught or not, but the natural consequences of our basic character are certain. Our behavior is governed by principles. Living in harmony with them results in positive results. Violating them results in negative results.
We are free to choose our response to any situation, but in doing so we also choose their consequences. When we pick up one end of the stick, we also pick up the other end. There have undoubtedly been times in our lives when no stick has been
After picking it, we may have realized that we had picked the wrong stick. Because of our choices, we got results that would have been better had we not got them. If we had the chance to choose again, we would have made different choices. We would call these choices mistakes. And
After the consequences they are the second thing we should seriously consider. Perhaps the most essential exercise of proactivity for people full of remorse is to realize that past mistakes also remain in the outer circle of concern. We cannot return them. We can’t cancel them and we can’t control the consequences they cause.
One of the things my son learned when he was playing quarterback on his college team was to snap his wristband before every game. Additionally, he would also flash a wristband whenever he himself or someone else made a mistake in the past that he regretted. He did this so that the previous mistake
Would not affect his determination and actions in the next match. Proactive approach to the mistake, immediately admitting it, and improving it. And it has to be learned. By doing this, failure turns into success. As IBM founder TJ Watson said, success is on the other side of failure, but not accepting the mistake, not
Correcting it and not learning anything from it is also a kind of mistake. This usually leads a person to deceive himself and justify his actions, during which he often tells logical lies to himself and others. This second mistake of covering up his mistake makes the mistake more powerful. Gives it disproportionate importance and
Causes us deep harm. We are harmed most not by what others do or by what mistakes we make, but by our own reaction to these things. If a snake has bitten us and we start running after it, it will only result in the poison spreading rapidly throughout our body. A
Better way is to immediately take measures to expel the poison. Our reaction to a mistake is our reaction in the next moment. It is important that we immediately admit our mistake and correct it so that in the next moment its control over us is lost and we get power back.
Making and keeping promises Our ability to make promises and keep them. At the center of the circle of We are aware of the areas where we are weak, where we can improve and where we can develop our talents. We are also aware of the areas
That need to be changed or taken out of our lives. Then We identify and use our imagination and self-sufficient will to act on this awareness. When we make promises and set goals and keep them , we solidify our character and become who we are, making other
Positive things possible in our lives. Here we find two ways that can immediately put the control of our life in our hands, we can make a promise and keep it or we can make goals and work to achieve them when we make promises. And fulfill even if they are small, we
Sleep inner honesty. This honesty gives us the awareness of self control. It gives us the strength and courage to take more responsibility of our life when we do not fulfill the expectations of ourselves and others. If we keep promises continuously then gradually our reputation becomes more important to us than our mood.
The power to make and keep promises to ourselves is the essence of developing the basic habits of Prabhu Kata. Knowledge, ability and desire are all under our control. All three of us. As the area of erosion or counter-piercing increases , we begin to deeply internalize the principles on which habits are based,
And we also develop strength of character. Pro Activity Three Day Test helps us identify our Pro Activity and We do not need to go through a death camp experience like Frankl did to develop. It is in the ordinary experiences of everyday life that we
Can develop the proactive ability to deal with extraordinary pressures of life. It lies in the way we make and keep promises. How we behave when stuck in a traffic jam, how we behave towards a fussy customer or a unruly child. It lies in
How we look at our problems and where we focus our energies . I challenge you to try the Pro Activity philosophy for 30 days. Give it a try and see what happens. Work only within your circle of influence for 30 days. Make small commitments.
And follow them. Be a guide, don’t be an evaluator, don’t be a role model, don’t be a critic, don’t be a part of the solution, don’t be a part of the problem. Try this in your married life, your family and your job.
Don’t debate on the weaknesses of others to justify your own weaknesses. Don’t even argue. When you make a mistake, immediately admit it, correct it and learn from it. Don’t get into a blaming or accusing mode. Work on the things that are under your control.
Work on becoming your own. Work on the weaknesses of others. But look at them with compassion rather than blame. The issue isn’t what they’re not doing or what they should be doing. The issue is what
Response you choose to give to the situation and what you should do if you start thinking that If you think that the problem is somewhere outside, then stop yourself. In fact, it is this thought that is the problem. Those who practice their seed freedom every day will gradually increase that freedom. Those who
Do not do so will find that it withers and Others have forced them to live their lives according to them. They act according to the scripts that their parents, colleagues and society have written. We spin our happiness and in the end I would like to say for most of our circumstances too. One
Is responsible. Samuel Johnson had said that the fountain of satisfaction should spring from the brain. The person who has so little knowledge of human nature that he wants to achieve happiness by changing anything other than his behavior will waste his life in futile efforts. And
Knowing that we are responsible and capable of reacting will multiply the suffering it seeks to eliminate. The second habit is fundamental to the spun effect and the one we will discuss. Start with the end in mind. [MUSIC]
PRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL LEADERSHIP The matters behind and ahead of us are small compared to what lies within us, said Oliver Vandal Holmes. Please read the next few questions by finding a place where you are alone and there is no one there. Don’t be distracted. Block out everything else from your mind. Just
Concentrate on reading and following my suggestions . Don’t worry about your time table, work, family or friends. Just focus on what I say and really open your mind. Picture yourself attending a loved one’s death anniversary in your mind’s eye. Picture yourself driving to a cemetery to attend a death anniversary.
Parking the car and getting out of it as you pull into the building. As you enter, you see flowers and hear soft music. As you go further, you see the faces of friends and family. You feel sad about the separation of that loved one, but you are also happy
That he remained close to you. Both these feelings are in the hearts of everyone present there. When you reach the next part of the room and peek into the coffin, you suddenly see your face. This is your death anniversary which will happen three years from today.
All this. People have gathered to honor you. They have come to express their feelings of love and appreciation for your life. You sit down and look at the program in your hands as you wait for the funeral process to begin
. Four speakers speak. The first speaker is a member of your family, a close or distant relative. This could be your son, husband, brother, sister, nephew, niece, uncle, aunt, cousin, sister or grandparents, who may come from far away to join you. The second speaker is one of your friends
Who will talk about how you were as a person. The third speaker is a coworker from your office or business. And the fourth speaker is someone from your church or Now think deeply about what you would like each of these speakers to say about you and your life.
What kind of reflection of yourself would you like to see in their words? What kind of husband would you be? Wife, father or mother What kind of son or daughter or cousin you had What kind of
Friends you had What kind of colleagues you had How would you like your character to be seen What contributions or achievements would you like them to remember? Look at the people around you to see what changes you would like to make in their lives.
Before you move on, take a few minutes to write down your thoughts. This will greatly enhance your personal understanding of the second habit. Keep the end in mind. What it means to begin If you have seriously
Participated in this experiment of imaginary experience, you have touched, if only for a moment, some of your deepest and most fundamental life values. You have tapped into the inner guidance system located at the center of your circle of influence. Consider the words of Joseph Addison: When I see the tombs of great men,
Every feeling of envy dies in me. When I read the epitaphs of beautiful people, every strong desire of mine goes out . When I face the grief of my parents at the tombstone of my son, my heart is filled with compassion, when I
See emperors lying beside those who dethroned them, when I see enemy scholars When I look at the graves built nearby, when I see those religious people close to each other who had divided the world by their disputes, then I am filled with sorrow and wonder
Considering the small rivalries, factions and disputes of mankind. When I read the different dates of death written on the tombstones of people, some of which are yesterday and some 100 years ago, I think of that great day when we will all be contemporaries and look together. Although
The second habit applies to many different situations and levels of life, the most basic way to apply Begin with the End in Mind is to start with the picture or paradigm of the end of your life today. Begin You make the end of your life the yardstick by which everything else is judged.
You judge it against the backdrop of what is truly most important to you . Every part can be examined including today’s behavior, tomorrow’s behavior, next week’s behavior and next month’s behavior. By keeping that end clearly in mind you can ensure that on any given day
Your Whatever you do, do not ignore the criteria that you have defined as the most important. You can also ensure that every day of your life contributes meaningfully to the realization of the dream that you have had your whole life. We have seen that starting with the end in mind means
Starting the journey with a good understanding of your destination. It means understanding where you are going so that you can better know where you are now so that you can plan your future . It is very easy to get trapped in the web of activities or the busyness of life.
It can very easily happen that you keep working hard to climb the ladder of success and in the end you realize that your The Ladder Was Leaning on the Wrong Wall It is possible that you are busy, very busy, but not very effective. People often feel that the
Successes they have achieved are hollow. They suddenly realize that these successes did not help them in achieving such things. People of every profession – doctors, teachers, actors, politicians, business professionals, sportsmen and plumbers – often struggle to achieve more income, more prestige or greater business efficiency
And in the end these people find that That their desire to achieve blinded them to the things that really mattered most to them and that those things are gone when we really learn what is truly important to us when Keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves every day and
Do only those things which are really most important to us, then it makes a big difference in our life. If the ladder is not supported by the right wall, then every step we take will cost us. leads too quickly to the wrong place We may be too busy, too efficient,
But we will be truly creative only when we begin with the end in mind. If you consider carefully that you If you were to hear what you wanted to hear about your funeral experience, you will find your own definition of success. This definition may be very different from what you had previously
Thought about, perhaps fame, success, money or other things that we try to achieve. When you start with the end in mind, you begin to see from a new perspective. On the death of his friend, one man asked another how much he left. The friend replied, ‘All of that.’ Left All things
Are made twice Begin with the end in mind Based on the principle that all things are made twice The first creation of all things is mental and the second creation is physical Look at the example of building a house The first nail is hammered in You
Plan the house in detail even before you break ground. You try to see very clearly what kind of house you want. If you want a family centric house then you plan a family room where the family members can sit. Everyone can easily
Sit up together. You plan sliding doors and an outside courtyard where the kids can play. You think hard. You rack your brain until you can clearly picture it in your mind. See what you want to build, then you make its blueprint and
Prepare the construction plan. All this is done before laying the foundation of the house. If this is not done then making changes in the second structure i.e. physical construction will be very expensive for you which will cause your house to fail. The carpenter’s rule of thumb is to measure twice, cut once.
You have to make sure that the first blueprint is exactly what you want and that you have thought everything through. Similarly , you build a house with bricks and cement. Every day you go to the construction site and
Draw blueprints to see what will be built that day. You start with the end in mind. For another example, consider a business. If you To make a business successful, you clearly define what you are trying to achieve. You
Think carefully about what product or service you want to offer in the context of your target market. You then implement that target. All elements of a business are brought together to achieve this, including capital, research and development, operations, marketing, staff, physical facilities, etc. The extent to which you
Start with the end in mind often determines whether your business will succeed. The foundation for business failures is laid right from the beginning when problems like low capital, misunderstanding of the market or lack of business plan arise. The same is true of parenting if you
Want to raise children to be responsible and self-disciplined. So in your daily dealings with your children, you have to keep this goal clearly in mind. You cannot behave with them in a way that reduces their self-discipline or self-esteem. People apply this principle to
More or less in most areas of life. On a trip Before you leave, you decide on your destination and plan the best route to travel. Before you plant a garden, you plan it in your mind, possibly even on paper. Before giving a speech, you write it down on paper. First
You imagine it, even before you put the thread on the needle, you design the clothes you want to sew. To the extent we understand the principle of two creations and accept responsibility for both of them, to that extent we Work within
Our circle of influence and expand the boundaries of this circle To the extent that we do not work in harmony with this principle and do not take responsibility for the first creation, to the same extent we shrink our circle of influence
Planned or The principle of self by design and default is that all things are created twice but their first creation is not our conscious creation. If we do not develop self awareness in our personal lives and do not take responsibility for the first creation then we will be affected by our influence.
We give power to people and circumstances outside our circle to shape most of our lives as we wish. We live reactively according to other people’s scripts, which our wise associates have written for other people’s purposes and circumstances. Pressure is written. We begin to live according to scripts that
Were instilled in us during our childhood training or conditioning. These scripts come not from principles but from people. The basis of these scripts can be any of the following things: our deepest insecurities. Our excessive dependence on others Our desire for acceptance and love The need to fit into a group The
Need to feel important and useful The need to feel that we are important whether we are aware of it or not Even if it is within our control It may or may not be the first creation in every part of our lives.
It is either the second creation of our own proactive planning or we are the second creation of others’ motives, circumstances or our old habits. Self-awareness, the unique human talents of imagination and discretion give us the first creation. They enable us to scrutinize our creation. It is because of these that we
Can take responsibility for our own first creation and write our own script. To put it another way, the first of the seven habits says that you are the creator. The second habit is the first. The two constructs are leadership and management. The second habit is based on the principles of personal leadership, which
Means that leadership is the first construct. Leadership is not management. Management is the second construct which we will discuss in the chapter on the third habit. But leadership comes before management. Leadership is about results or planning How can I best accomplish certain things Leadership is about causes or goals
What are the things I want to accomplish Management in the words of Peter Ducker and Warren Bennis is about getting things right. Leadership is about doing the right thing. Management is about climbing the ladder of success efficiently while leadership is about ensuring that the ladder rests on the right wall. If you
Want to quickly understand the important difference between the two, then you can Imagine the workers who are making their way in the forest by cutting branches with tools. These people are the producers, they are the problem solvers, they are making the path by cutting the bushes, they
Are clearing it. The managers are following the workers. They are the workers’ supporters. Sharpening tools, writing policy and rules guides, developing muscle development programs, bringing in advanced technology, and setting time schedules and pay policies for tool cleaners. A leader is someone who is at the top of Climbs a tree
Surveys the entire situation and shouts loudly We are in the wrong forest But the response of busy skilled workers and managers is often Shut up We are moving forward As individuals, groups and business companies we are cutting down the bush We are often so busy making our way that we don’t realize
We are in the wrong woods, and the rapidly changing environment we live in makes effective leadership more important than ever in every aspect of self-reliant and interdependent life. We don’t need a road map so much as we need a vision or a goal and a compass. We often don’t know what
The terrain ahead will be like or what we will need to cross it. Much of this However, it depends on what decision we take at that time. However, our internal compass will always show us the right direction. Often, the effectiveness of survival also
Depends not only on how much effort we put in, but also on whether our efforts are in the right direction. In the radical changes taking place in almost every industry and business, the first need is leadership and the second need is management. In the business world, the market is changing so fast that
The products and services which were used by the customers till a few years ago, Interests and needs that were successfully satisfied are now out of date. Proactive strong leadership should constantly keep an eye on changes in the environment, especially changes in customer buying habits and objectives. After this,
Leadership should be guided in the right direction. Some changes significantly affect the environment such as privatization of the airline industry, skyrocketing prices of healthcare facilities and better quality and higher numbers of imported cars if a company does not keep an eye on the environment. Which includes its employees. If the company
Does not use constructive leadership to keep it moving in the right direction, then even efficient management cannot save it from failure. As someone has said, efficient management without effective leadership is like straightening the chairs on the deck of the Titanic
. No success in management can compensate for the success of leadership, but leadership is difficult because we often get entangled in the paradigm of management. At the last session of a one-year executive development program in Seattle, the president of an oil company came up to me and said, ”
Stephen, you explained the difference between leadership and management to us in the second month.” I realized that I had never done leadership, I was completely engaged in management, I was stuck in the current challenges and the small things and details of everyday life,
So I decided to step away from management and become a leader. I could have hired other people to do the management. I really wanted to lead my own organization. The job was difficult. I had to endure the initial pain of leaving management because I stopped handling
The many pressing and important issues that came before me. When I started grappling with issues like giving direction, building culture, deeply analyzing problems, and finding new opportunities, I didn’t get much satisfaction at first. People also felt hurt because their work comfort zone had changed. They didn’t like the fact
That they couldn’t meet me all the time like before. They still wanted me to be available to them throughout their day. Help in solving daily problems and react to them, but I continued to work diligently. I was completely convinced that I have to lead my organization and I did the same. Today,
The face of our business has changed. We have become more in tune with our environment. Our income has doubled and profits have quadrupled. I have progressed a lot in leadership. I believe that parents too often get caught up in time management. Direction, purpose and Instead of the feeling of family, they
Start thinking about control skills and rules and in our personal life the lack of leadership is even more visible. Even before we clarify our life values, we are not able to set goals and achieve them. Getting involved with management Rewriting scripts Becoming your own first creator
As we said earlier, pro-activity is based on the unique human talent of self-awareness, which enables us to expand pro-activity in our lives and exercise personal leadership, which are two other human skills. The talents that enable us are imagination and conscience. Through imagination we
Can see a clear imaginary picture of the hidden potential within us. Through conscience we can come in contact with eternal rules or principles regarding our unique abilities and areas of contribution. Through discernment we can come into contact with the personal policies within which we can most effectively develop these areas. These two
Talents, combined with self-awareness, give us the power to write our own scripts. We are already living according to the script given by others so writing our script is actually the process of rewriting the script. It means the
Process of making a change in paradigm. In this process we have to change some of the basic parameters that we have when we When we recognize these faulty or incomplete paradigms within ourselves, we can proactively begin to rewrite our scripts. I think a
Very inspiring example of rewriting the script is the former President of Egypt. It is found in the autobiography of Anwar Sadat that Sadat was taught to hate Israel since childhood. He was brought up with this script of hatred sown deep in his heart, that is why
He made this statement on national television until the Arabs Till then even an inch of land will be occupied by Israel, I will never shake hands with any Israeli . Never never never never never. And the public in the country was repeating like a mantra never never never never
Never. It united the energy and will of the country. This script was very self-reliant and nationalistic. It stirred public sentiments but this script was also very foolish. Sadat knew this. This script made the situation extremely interdependent and dangerous. He ignored reality, so he rewrote his script.
He learned this process when he was imprisoned alone in cell number 54 of the Cairo Central Prison as a youth. He was given this punishment for the crime of conspiring against Emperor Farouk. They learned to step away from their minds and observe
Them so that they could check whether the scripts written in their minds were correct and made sense. They learned to empty their minds, and ultimately they learned to practice their dharma through a deeply personal process of meditation. How to Rewrite Your Script by Reading Scripture and Praying He writes
That he hated getting out of the prison cell because it was there that he realized that true success comes from conquering oneself The Meaning of True Success It does not mean that you have things, but it means conquering yourself and having control over yourself. During the Nasser regime, Sadat
Was given a relatively unimportant position for some time. Everyone thought that his enthusiasm had cooled down, but it was not so. He was considering Sadat as his own and his skip
Was also considered as his own. People could not understand him. Sadat was waiting for the right time and when the time came when he became the President of Egypt and when he faced the political reality. So he Israel’s husband rewrote his script. He traveled to the Knesset, the Israeli parliament, in Jerusalem and
Launched one of the unprecedented peace movements in world history. It was a bold initiative that ultimately led to the Camp David Accords while exercising personal leadership. Sadat was able to use his self-awareness, imagination and discretion. He
Was able to change his most fundamental paradigm and the way he viewed the situation. He acted at the center of his circle of influence. Sadat was able to rewrite the script and change his paradigm. This had a far-reaching impact. It triggered changes in attitude and behavior
That impacted the lives of millions of people in the larger circles of concern. As we develop self-awareness, most of us find that our scripts are effective. We have deep-rooted habits that aren’t appropriate and aren’t in harmony with what we truly value in life. The second habit says
We don’t need to live by scripts. You can use your imagination and creativity to respond and write a new script that is not only more effective but also more in line with our values and the true principles that give meaning to our lives. For example, let’s say
That My behavior towards my children is overly reactive. Let’s say that whenever they start doing something that I don’t think is right, I immediately start feeling a lot of stress. I put up protective walls and prepare for war. My focus is on short-term behavior and not on long-term development.
I start trying to win small battles instead of big wars. I take out my weapons which are my big size or power of position. After this I yell at them, dominate them, threaten them or punish them, and I win. I stand victorious amidst the wreckage of a broken relationship.
At that time, my children seem to give up superficially but deep inside . Feelings of rebellion keep burning in them. They suppress these feelings at the time but they will come out in more unpleasant and ugly forms later on. Now if I
Were sitting at the funeral that we imagined at the beginning of this chapter and I had no one I don’t want his life to be full of quick fixes or quick-witted sheep wounds. Instead, I want his life to be full of the loving
Teaching, training and discipline I have given him over the years. Represent I want her heart and mind to have fond memories of deep and meaningful times with me I want her to remember me as a loving father who
Shared her joys and sorrows as she grew up I want That he would remember those times when he came to me with his problems and concerns. I would have liked to have listened to him, loved him, helped him. I would have wanted him to know that even though I was not there, I
Was there. I tried as much as I could and perhaps I Loved him more than any other person in the world. The reason behind wanting these things is that deep in my heart I value my child. I love them. I want to help them. I want to be their father. I
Value my role, but I don’t always see these life values. I get bogged down by a ton of small things. The most important things get buried under layers of urgent problems, immediate concerns, and external behavior. I become reactive. The way I interact with my children every day often
Bears little resemblance to my true feelings about them. Because I am self-aware, because I have imagination and judgment, I can examine my underlying life values. I can realize that the script I am living by does not match those life values. I can also realize that my life
Is not the result of a proactive plan of my own making but of that first creation. The result is what I left to circumstances and other people. But I can change. I can live by my imagination instead of my memory. I
Can tie my string to my limited capacity instead of the limiting past. I can be my own. I can become the first creator. Starting with the end in mind means that while playing the role of a father or any other role in life, my life values and directions
Should be clear. This means being responsible for my own first creation and rewriting my script. I have to write so that the paradigms that generate my behavior and attitudes are aligned with my core values and are in alignment with the right principles. This also means that
I have these life values firmly in my mind when I start each day, then when There will be ups and downs or challenges in life then I can take my decisions based on these life values I can work with integrity I will not need to react to emotion or situation
Because my life values are clear so I can be really proactive Personal Mission Statement I find the most effective way to start with the end in mind is to create a personal mission statement philosophy or philosophy that focuses on what you What one wants to be and what one wants to do
Also focuses on the life values or principles on which doing and becoming are based. Because every person is unique, the mission statement of each person should reflect that uniqueness. This uniqueness should also be reflected in the structure. My friend Rolf Kerr expressed his personal philosophy this way: Be successful at home first;
Seek God’s help and be worthy of Him; Never compromise integrity; Remember those involved before making decisions. Listen to both sides Take the advice of others Stand up for those who are not Be honest but decisive Learn a new skill every year
Plan for tomorrow’s work today Move forward while you wait Maintain a positive attitude Maintain a sense of humor Love yourself and your work Be organized Don’t be afraid of mistakes but fear the lack of constructive, positive and corrective responses to them
Make your subordinate’s success easier Listen twice as much as you talk Focus all your abilities and efforts on the task at hand About the next assignment or promotion Don’t worry A woman finding balance between family and job Life values expressed her personal mission statement differently I
Would like to balance my career and family as best as possible because both are important to me My home is a place I would like to create a clean and well-organized environment in which we can live comfortably. I will be wise
In what we choose to eat, read, see and work at home. I especially want to teach my children to love and laugh, and also to work and develop their unique qualities. I value the rights, freedoms, and responsibilities of our democratic society. I want to
Be an adult who gets involved in the political process. I will be a more informed citizen to ensure that my voice is heard and my vote counts. I will be self-starting and will use initiative to achieve my life goals. I will respond to circumstances and
I will work on opportunities rather than them working on me I will always try to distance myself from destructive habits and addictions I will develop habits that free me from old labels and limitations and expand my capabilities and options My Wealth I will not
Be my master but my servant. I would like to achieve financial independence over time. My desires would be according to my needs and my means. I would like to keep myself free from all kinds of consumer debt, except for long-term loans for the house and car.
I would like to earn as much as I can. I will spend less than that and will regularly save or invest a portion of my income. I will also use my available wealth and abilities in service and charitable donations to make life more enjoyable for others. You can view the personal
Statement as a personal constitution. It can be said that like the Constitution of the United States, it is also fundamentally evaluated as an immutable law. It is the document to which the President, while taking the oath of allegiance, agrees to protect and support it. It
Is the standard by which It is the foundation and center on which people are granted citizenship. It is the foundation and center that gives people the strength to withstand great mental traumas like planetary war, Vietnam or Water Gut. It is the written standard and the main criterion by which everything else is
Evaluated and guided. It is said that the Constitution is still intact and is playing its important role because it is based on the right principles. It is based on the self-proven and authentic truths contained in the Declaration of Independence. Even in times of social dilemma and change,
This principle is the Constitution. Thomas Jefferson said that our special security lies in having a written constitution. A personal mission statement based on right principles also becomes a similar standard for the individual. It becomes a personal constitution. It gives direction to life. It becomes the basis for major decisions.
It becomes the basis for making everyday decisions amid the circumstances and emotions that affect our lives. Like the American Constitution, the personal constitution also gives a person eternal power in times of change . People cannot live together unless they
Have an unchanging center within them. The key to being able to change is the unchangeable feeling of who you are, what you are going to do and what you value. Having a mission statement helps us cope with change. We don’t need to make prejudgments or prejudices.
We don’t need to second-guess every other person or thing in life to fit reality. We don’t need to put every thing or person into the same mold or divide them into categories. There is no need. Our personal environment is also constantly changing at a rapid pace. Such rapid change
Demoralizes many people. These people feel that they cannot keep pace with this change and cannot cope with life. They can become reactive, give up and just hope that whatever happens will be good, but it is not necessary that it always happens. It is in the Nazi death camps where Viktor Frankl
Learned the principle of co-activity, that is where he learned purpose and meaning in life. He also learned the importance of meaning. The life philosophy he later developed and taught is called logotherapy. Logotherapy helps people find their unique meaning and purpose in life. Once you have a sense of purpose, you
You get the essence of your professional activity. You have a future vision and life values that govern your life. You have a basic direction from which you set your long-term and short-term goals. You have a written constitution based on correct principles. There is power based on which you weigh every decision effectively and
Make the most effective use of time, talent and energy. To write a personal mission statement at the center, we have to start from the center of our circle of influence. We have to start where our most fundamental paradigms lie, the lenses through which we
See the world. It’s where we consider our future vision and life values. It’s where we use the talent of self-awareness to examine our maps. If we give importance to the right principles, then through self-awareness we ensure that our maps accurately describe the area and our
The paradigm is based on principles and reality. This is where we use our talent of wisdom like a compass and with its help we discover our unique abilities and areas of contribution. This is where we use the talent of imagination to mentally create the end we want. We use imagination
To give direction and purpose to our beginnings and provide a draft of written research. This is where our goal-focused efforts also achieve the best results. When we work at the center of our circle of influence, we Let’s expand on this supreme power that is responsible for
Significantly influencing every aspect of our lives. Whatever we are at the center of our lives will be our source of protection, guidance, wisdom and strength, our protection, our sense of worth, our Identity represents your emotional stability, your self-esteem and your basic personal strength, or lack thereof. Guidance means
Your source of direction in life. Your map, i.e. your internal reference standard, analyzes what is happening outside for you. Within lie the criteria or principles or standards by which you make decisions and act in every moment. Intelligence is your outlook on life. Your sense of balance. Intelligence is understanding how
Different parts and principles apply. And are related to each other. This includes evaluation. This includes the ability to recognize and understand good and bad. This is jesto or unity or unified wholeness. Power is the energy or ability to act. This is the
Power or ability to complete a task. This is the ability to make choices and It is a very important energy for decision making. It also includes the ability to give up deep-rooted habits and develop higher and more effective habits. Security, guidance, intelligence and power. These four are interdependent.
True intelligence comes from security and clear guidance and intelligence is that spark or power. It becomes the catalyst that releases and directs power. When these four elements are together in harmony and coordination with each other, it creates a perfect personality, a person of great strength, balanced with character and beautifully integrated.
These life supporting elements underpin and power every aspect of life and each of these is a matter of all or nothing. The extent to which you develop each of these can be represented somewhere on a cyclical path that is more or less
This is similar to the levels of maturity we described earlier. If these four elements are at the lower end of the chakra, it is weak. You are essentially dependent on circumstances or other people
Over whom you have no direct control. If these elements are at the upper end of the chakra, it is weak. If you are at one end , then control is in your hands. You have self-reliant power and the foundation of strong interdependent
Relationships. Your security will lie somewhere in between the two ends of this cycle. At one end of this is complete insecurity in which your life is subject to the blows of those unstable conditions. At one end is a deep sense of inner worth and complete personal
Security. Your guidance also lies somewhere between the two ends of this cycle. At one end is reliance on social mirrors or other stable sources. At the other end is strong inner guidance. Your intelligence
Is also somewhere in between the two ends of this cycle. At one end there is a completely wrong map where everything is distorted and doesn’t seem to fit properly. But there is a complete and error-free map of life
In which all the parts and principles are properly related to each other. Your power also lies somewhere between the two ends of this cycle. At one end of it there is inertia i.e. like a puppet. Being driven by the strings of others is the second level of high productivity i.e.
Working according to one’s own life values instead of working according to other people and circumstances. What will be the position of these elements in the chakra, as a result of this,
Their combination, coordination and The extent to which there will be balance and the positive impact they will have on every aspect of your life depend on your core, your deepest fundamental paradigm. Alternative Center We all have a center, although we don’t usually recognize it as such. Nor do we
Recognize the overall impact of that center on every aspect of life. Let us briefly examine the common centers or fundamental paradigms of people so that we can better understand how these centers affect fundamental dimensions The spouse is central. The marital relationship may be the most intimate, most satisfying, most enduring and growing
Human relationship. Focusing on one’s spouse may seem natural and appropriate. It may feel different, but experience and observation tell a different story. Over the years, I have closely observed many troubled marital relationships and while working on them, I have found that there
Is a thread in almost every partner-centered relationship. This string is of strong emotional dependence. If we get the sense of emotional importance basically from our marital relationship, then we become highly dependent on that relationship. We become
Insecure about our life partner’s mental state, emotions, behavior and behavior. We become insecure about every external event that can encroach on that relationship like the birth of a child, in-laws, in-laws, financial shocks, social successes. When responsibilities increase and stress comes in life, we feel like skipping and going back. There are tendencies which
Were given to us while growing up but our life partner also does the same and usually both have different scripts. Different ways of dealing with financial problems, child discipline or in-law related issues come to the fore when in depth. When these tendencies are combined with emotional dependence on the life partner,
Then all the insecurities of the life partner-centric relationship come to the fore. When we are dependent on the person with whom we are in conflict, both the need and the conflict increase manifold. Common results are extreme reactions of love-hate, fight-or-flight tendencies, flight, aggression, bitterness, hatred and cold war. When this happens, we
Try to justify and defend our behavior and start attacking our life partner’s behavior. We resort even more to our old tendencies and habits. Of course when we are very insecure we feel the need to protect ourselves from future attacks so we resort to sarcasm
Or criticism or any such means. We resort to negative thoughts which do not allow our inner tenderness to be expressed. Every partner waits for the other person to take the initiative to make love. Ultimately, he gets disappointed in this matter, but this makes it so that the
Allegations made by him They were right. In such a relationship, there is only superficial security, even if everything appears to be going well on the surface. Guidance is based on the emotions of the moment. Intelligence and power are lost in the negative behavior that arises in response to dependency.
Family is central. The second common center. The family may also seem natural and appropriate to be central to and deeply invested in. It is an area that offers great opportunities for deep relationships, love and partnership. It can give us much
That makes life meaningful but ironically. This is that after becoming the center, it destroys the very elements which are necessary for family success. People who are family centered get a sense of security or personal value from family tradition, culture or prestige, in this way they are dependent on that tradition or
They become insecure about any kind of change in culture. They also become insecure about things that affect the family reputation. Family -oriented parents do not have the emotional freedom or power to raise their children. Really take their best interests into account when parenting. If they
Feel secure in their family, the need to be popular with their children may be more important to them, while long-term investment in their children’s development may be less important, or whatever may be appropriate for the moment. Can focus their attention on correct behavior Any inappropriate behavior
Puts their safety at risk They are driven by the emotions of the moment rather than focusing on the long-term development of the child They become distracted and focused on immediate concerns They may yell at them or they may overreact
And even punish them in anger. They have a tendency to give their children strong love, causing them to become emotionally dependent or overprotective . Money becomes dependent and rebellious. Another logical and very common center in people’s lives is money. Earning money is the basic requirement for doing much
In any area of life. Economic security is a sequence or cycle of needs. Physical security and economic security come first. Unless this basic need is satisfied at least at a minimal level, other needs do not even become active. Most of us face economic concerns very much in the broader culture. These forces
Can and do affect our economic situation. They create or threaten to create such economic obstacles that we often become anxious and our anxiety does not always rise to conscious awareness. Many times there are clearly good or valid reasons for earning money, the desire to take care of one’s family and these things
Are important, but keeping earning money at the center and focusing completely on it becomes the reason for their destruction. Consider once again the four life supporting elements: Security, Guidance, Intelligence and Power. Let’s say I get most of my economic security from my job or income or property. Because these economic
Bases are affected by many elements, I can do everything that can affect it. I become anxious, uneasy, defensive, and nervous because I derive my sense of personal worth from my income or wealth, so I become insecure about anything that adversely affects that income or wealth
, but I am able to work and Earning money does not automatically provide wisdom or guidance; moreover, it also provides power and security only to a certain extent. All it takes is one crisis in my life or that of someone dear to me to show me the
Limitations of being money-centered . People are often money-centered. Put family or other priorities aside They assume everyone will understand that financial needs come first I know a father who was taking his children to the circus one day as promised Then a call came from the office and he was called.
He refused to go. When his wife said that maybe he should have gone to do office work, he replied that work will come again but childhood will not come. His children should be given priority. A small example of determination that remained with them throughout their lives, not only as a theoretical lesson but
Also as an expression of love. Work-centric people can become workaholics. They can become so crazy about work that For this they are ready to pay the price for their health and other important aspects of life. Their basic identity is their work. I am a doctor, I am a writer, I am an actor
Because their sense of identity and importance is derived from their work. So they feel insecure about anything that prevents them from continuing to work. Their guidance is a result of the demands of work. Their intelligence and energy are limited to their work area and they are not used in other areas of life.
Ownership makes you effective. For many people, possessions are a motivating force. These can be tangible or material possessions such as fashionable clothes, houses, cars, boats and jewellery, or they can also be intangible goods such as fame or social status. Most of us know from our own experience how flawed such a
Center is because it can disappear in the blink of an eye and is influenced by so many forces if my sense of security lies in my reputation or the things I own. So throughout my life I will feel this danger or fear
That these things can be lost, stolen or their value can be reduced. If I come in front of someone whose wealth, fame or status is more than me, then I feel inferior. If I come across someone who has less wealth, fame or status than me, I feel superior.
My sense of self-esteem constantly fluctuates. I have no sense of stability or stable personality. I am constantly worried about my assets and wealth . I try to protect my position or reputation or get them insured. We have all heard the stories of people who committed suicide, who
Lost their wealth due to the stock market crash, or who lost their fame due to political upheavals. Pleasure comes central. Another common focus closely associated with the objects of ownership is pleasure and happiness. We live in a world where immediate gratification of desires is available and encouraged.
Television and movies help in raising people’s expectations. those pictures are very big hands They show what other people have and what they can do to live a life of convenience and pleasure, but when the glamor of pleasure-oriented lifestyles is portrayed through photographs, the natural consequences of such lifestyles are
Rarely seen. Rarely shown accurately, what effect these lifestyles have on internal personality, productivity or relationships Harmless pleasure in moderation is relaxing for both body and mind It also nourishes family and other relationships But pleasure in itself does not provide lasting satisfaction or a deep sense of satisfaction. A pleasure-oriented
Person quickly gets bored with each increasing level of pleasure and always wants to get pleasure at a higher level than before, so his next pleasure is better than the previous one. Must be more stimulating In this stage the person becomes almost completely self-centered
And interprets his entire life in terms of the pleasure he gets: taking too many long vacations, watching too many movies, watching too much TV, too much video games Playing: Spending too much time in undisciplined leisure activities in which a person constantly chooses the path of least resistance
Gradually ruins the life. Its effect is that the person’s abilities remain dormant, talents remain underdeveloped, brain and soul. It becomes lazy and the heart cannot feel real satisfaction . Where are the safety, guidance, wisdom and strength? In a momentary bliss at the bottom of the circular path,
McCallum Mackridge has written in A 20th Century Testimony. These days, when I look back on my past life. As I do many times, the most powerful thought that comes to my mind is that the thing that seemed most important and attractive at that time,
Now seems most meaningless and absurd. For example, at that time, achieving success in everything seems important. I found it important to gain prestige or praise; I found it important to seek obvious pleasures such as acquiring wealth or ensnaring women in love or traveling around the world like a devil; I
Wanted to enjoy all the pleasures of life. This fair is available to man. Looking back, all these attempts to satisfy oneself appear to be pure imagination or, as Pascal said, seem to be biting the dust. However, this is not limited to the young generation only, but especially But younger
Generations are more likely to be peer-oriented. They may find it most important to seek acceptance and validation from their peer group. The distorted and ever-changing social mirror becomes the source of all four life-supporting elements. It reflects the changing emotions and feelings of others. A lot depends
On the attitude and behavior. Even in Mitra Kendra , one can remain completely focused on one person. In this situation, some elements of married life come into it. As a result of Mitra Kendra, emotional dependence can arise on one person. We can get caught in an ever-escalating energetic cycle of need conflict and
The negative behavior that comes from it. And placing an enemy at the center of one’s life is something most people will never think about and probably will not do with any conscious awareness. However, enemy centrality is very common,
Especially when the two people actually in conflict come into contact with each other frequently. It is very difficult when someone feels that someone important to them emotionally or socially has treated them unfairly. It is easy for him to keep thinking about that injustice and make the other person the center of his life.
Instead of living his life proactively, an enemy-centric person starts reacting to the behavior and viewpoint of his enemy. A student studying in a university. A friend of mine was very upset because of the weaknesses of his administration. His relationship with the administrator was negative and bad. My friend allowed himself to keep
Thinking about the same administrator constantly. Ultimately this situation turned into such a psychosis that he He became so immersed in it that it began to adversely affect the quality of his relationships with his family, church and peers. Ultimately he came to the conclusion that he
Would have to leave that university and go somewhere else to teach. I asked him what would happen if that person was not here. “Wouldn’t you really like to teach in a university?” He replied, ”
Yes, I would, but as long as he is here, everything in life will be better if I stay here.” I asked him why he had made that administrator the center of his life. He was stunned to hear this question. He refused to believe it
But I told him that he was allowing a person and his weaknesses to do this. that they had distorted the entire map of her life, destroyed her faith, and diminished the quality of her relationships with her loved ones. She finally
Accepted that all these things were happening because of that man, but even now she He was unwilling to accept that he had chosen this situation. He blamed the administrator for this sad situation. He declared that he himself
Was not at all responsible for it. As we talked, he gradually realized that in reality He himself was responsible for this but because he did not fulfill this responsibility properly, he was irresponsible. Many divorced people fall into this category. They still have feelings of anger, bitterness and need
To prove themselves towards their former life partner. They are full of emotions. Viewed from a negative perspective, psychologically they are still married. Both of them need the weaknesses of their former spouses to justify their allegations. Many of the older children in life secretly or openly They hate their parents. They
Blame them for past abuse, neglect or favoritism. They focus their adult lives on this hatred and live according to its associated reactive and self-justifying scripts. Friends. Or enemy-focused individuals have no internal security. Feelings of self-esteem are fleeting because they are the result of other people’s behavior or emotional states. Such a person
Is guided by the idea of how others will react. His intelligence is the social lens . Or limited by the mental disorder of the enemy Such a person has no power of his own Others hold his reins Church Central I believe that almost every person truly involved in the church understands
That going to church is personal. Not Synonymous With Spirituality There are some people who become so engaged in the prayers and activities of the church that they become insensitive to the strong human needs around them. They live lives in opposition to the very beliefs in which they deeply believe. On
The other hand, there are some people who attend church less or not at all but whose views and behavior seem to be truly focused on the principles of basic Judeo-Christian theology and in organized churches and community service groups throughout their lives. After attending, I have found that just because a person attends church
Does not necessarily mean that he or she will live by the principles taught there. You may be active in a church but you may not be able to live out its teachings . Image or appearance can become a person’s most dominant consideration in a church-centered life. This leads to hypocrisy that
Undermines his personal security and intrinsic worth. Guidance in this situation comes from social conscience and the church-centered person is active on others. Passive liberals tend to apply artificial labels such as conservative or illiberal because the church is a formal organization made up of policies, programs, conduct and individuals, so it cannot in itself
Give a person a sense of deep lasting security or intrinsic value as taught by the church. This can happen by implementing the principles of the Church, but it cannot happen just by being part of an organization, nor
Can the Church provide a person with a lasting sense of guidance. Church-oriented people often have a tendency to live a compartmentalized life. They act, think and feel differently on Sundays, while living quite differently during the rest of the week. This lack of unity or integrity is another threat to the safety of people
Who are forced to label and self-identify. The need to prove oneself increases; seeing the Church as an end rather than a means to an end weakens one’s sense of wisdom and balance. Although the Church
Claims to teach people about the source of power, it does so. It does not claim to have this power. It merely claims to be a means through which the divine power may flow into human nature. Self-centeredness. Perhaps the most common center these days
Is the individual himself. The most obvious form of this self-centeredness is selfishness. which most people But if we look carefully at many popular methods of development and self-fulfillment, we will often find the self central at their core. There is very little security, guidance, intelligence or strength in the limited center of the self.
The Dead of Palestine Like the ocean, it receives but does not give and becomes flowless. On the other hand, when the focus is on self-development from a broader perspective of improving one’s ability to serve, produce, and contribute meaningfully. So the background is set for a dramatic increase in the four life supporting elements.
These are the common centers through which most people live their lives. It is often very easy to recognize the center of someone else’s life, but we do not recognize our own center as easily. You probably know someone who puts money above everything else. You probably also know someone who
Is wasting their energy trying to justify themselves in a negative relationship. If you pay attention, So sometimes you can see beyond the behavior to the center from which that behavior arises. Recognizing your center But sometimes it is
Not easy to see where you are, what is at the center of your own life. Perhaps now your own center The best way to identify is to look closely at your life support elements. If you can identify with one or more of the following, you
May be able to connect to the center from which it flows. This is the center that is limiting your personal sphere of influence. Most often a person’s center is a coordination of several centers within or outside of these. Most people are governed by many things that influence them.
It may be that Depending on external or blind conditions, a particular center remains active until the inherent needs are satisfied, after which another center becomes stronger . The relative conflict that arises when the individual oscillates from one center to another. Life
Is like a roller coaster or a bag that goes up and down. One moment you are in the sky, the next moment you are in the underworld. To compensate for one weakness, you try to borrow strength from another. A permanent sense of direction. The intellect is not stable, there
Is no steady supply of power, nor is there any sense of personal inner worth and identity. Obviously, the ideal situation is to create a clear center from which you can constantly receive protective guidance, intelligence and power in abundance. A center that powers your pro-activity
And provides harmony and order to every part of your life. A center of principle. By centering our lives on the right principles, we create a solid foundation for the development of all four life-supporting elements. We are protected by knowing that It is found that other
Centers based on persons and things become prey to letters and instant changes but true principles never change. We can trust them. Principles do not react to anything. They never get angry. Their behavior towards us changes. They don’t let us divorce them or run away with our best friend
Principles never die They don’t stay one day and be gone the next They can’t be destroyed by fire earthquake or theft Principles Deep Foundational True They are immortal and the universal standard. They are the threads woven tightly within life that provide the fabric of life and flawlessness, durability,
Beauty and strength. We can remain safe even in the midst of people or circumstances that ignore these principles. Because we know that principles are bigger than people or circumstances, and over thousands of years of history we have seen principles lived out time and again. More importantly,
We can be safe in the knowledge that we can make our own choices in our lives. We can prove their authenticity through experience. Obviously, we are not omniscient . If we are not aware of our true nature and the world around us, it limits our knowledge and our understanding of the true principles.
Our understanding is limited by those fashionable lives. It is also limited by the flood of philosophies and concepts that are not in sync with the correct principles. These ideas will also have their own period of popularity, but like similar ideas that came before them, they too
Will not last long because they are based on false foundations. We have limits But we can push back the lines of our own limitations. Understanding our own theory of evolution enables us to find the right principles with the confidence that the more we learn, the more clearly we
Can focus that lens. The principles through which we see the world never change. Our understanding of them does. The wisdom and guidance that accompany a principle-centered life provide us with the right maps to the way things really were and
Will be. The right maps provide us with clarity. Enables us to see where we want to go and how to get there We can use the right information to make decisions that are feasible and meaningful Principle Center Personal power that comes from life Self-aware, knowledgeable and proactive person Such persons are
Not limited by the attitudes, behavior and actions of others. They are not limited by the influence of circumstances and environment by which others are limited. The only real limits to power are the natural
Consequences of the principles we have based on the knowledge of the right principles. But we are free to choose our actions but we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions. Remember if you pick one end of the stick you pick the other end. Principles
Always have their natural consequences attached to them when we If we live in harmony with these principles , the results are positive. When we ignore them, the results are negative. But since these principles apply to everyone whether he is aware of it or not, the results are positive. This
Limit is eternal and the more we know the true principles the greater our individual freedom to act wisely. The greater our life is eternal and [the music] is immutable from which our behavior and attitudes arise. Paradigms are like glasses. It is your Everything you see in life affects what you see.
Looking at things from the Right Principles Paradigm will be dramatically different from what you see in life from a paradigm focused on anything else. I have a detailed chart in Appendix A of this book. This chart below shows how perhaps each of the centers we have discussed
Can influence the way you see things. To quickly understand how much of a difference your center can make, let us look at a specific problem from different perspectives. See from the Paradigm Try to put on each of the glasses as you read. Try to feel the reaction flowing from the different centers.
Suppose you have planned to go to a concert with your wife tonight. You have purchased the tickets. And your wife is excited to go to the event. It is 4 o’clock in the afternoon. Suddenly your boss calls you to his room and says that he needs your help in the evening
Because he has to prepare for an important meeting to be held tomorrow at 9 am. If If you are looking at it through a partner-centric or family-centric lens, your main concern will be your wife. You might tell your boss that you can’t stay, and
Then you might take her to a concert to please her. You feel that you have to stay to save your job, although you will do so reluctantly. You will be worried about your wife’s reaction. You will try to justify your decision and try to protect yourself from your wife’s disappointment or anger.
If If you are looking at it from the perspective of money, then your main thought will be the overtime you get in return for working or the possibility of getting a raise in the future because of staying late at night. You can call your wife and
Just tell her that you are You will have to stay late at the office. You assume that your wife will understand that financial needs are more important. If you are at work, you can see it as an opportunity.
You can learn more about work. You can learn You can make a good impression on your boss and advance your career You can pat yourself on the back by working longer than expected because it is proof of how hard-working you are Your wife Something to Be Proud
Of Every person will know the next day what a great sacrifice and If you’re fun-oriented, you can probably skip work and go to a concert, even if your wife happily agrees to your working late at the office. You’re entitled to a night out. If you’re friend-oriented, your The decision
Will be influenced by whether or not you invited your friends to come to the concert or whether your friends at work are also staying late at the office. If you are enemy-centric, you may stay late because You know that this will give you an upper hand over that guy in the office who
Thinks he is the best employee in the company, so while this enemy of yours is out having fun, you will work for him, slave to him and get your work done and You will sacrifice your personal happiness for the good of the company . You will be pleased that
Your enemy has overlooked this opportunity. If you are a churchgoer, you may be impressed that other church members go to a concert. Your decision may be influenced by whether or not church members work in your office or which concert will be more important to you than the Locke concert.
Your decision may be influenced by what you think about the church. What a good member should do in this situation is whether you see this extra work as a service or as a pursuit of money. If you are self-centered, your focus will be on what will be best for you.
Whether you’re better off going out at night or pleasing your boss, your main concern will be how different choices will affect you . Is this surprising when we consider the ways in which we view the same event from multiple perspectives ? Can you see how fundamentally our centers influence us? They
Influence our motivation, daily decisions, actions, and even interpretation of events. This is why It is so important to understand your center and if this center does not empower you as a proactive person, then it is fundamental to your impact that you make the necessary changes in your paradigm to
Create a center that does this work as a principle-centered person. As you try to step away from the emotion of the situation and other elements influencing you and evaluate the options, consider the balanced totality of the job requirements, family needs, other present needs, and the possible consequences of various alternative decisions, etc.
After looking, you will try to reach the best solution and this will happen considering all the things. Whether you will go to the concert or stay in the office and work, this is actually a very small part of the effective decision. You can also make this choice from many other
Centers. But when you approach decisions from a principle-centric paradigm, several important differences become apparent. First of all, you are not being driven by other people or circumstances. You are proactively choosing what is the best option for you. You are making your decision based on knowledge and consciously. Secondly, you know that
Your decision is the most effective because it is based on principles whose long-term consequences can be predicted in advance. Thirdly, you The work you choose to do contributes to your ultimate life values in life. It ‘s one thing to stay late to get a rise out of a co-worker at the office, and
Quite another to stay late because you want to please your boss. Value the impact you have and want to truly contribute to the good of your company. When you act on your decisions, the experiences
Take on quality and meaning in the context of your entire life. Fourth, you share your feelings with your wife and your boss. Emotions can be conveyed through the strong networks you have built in interdependent relationships. Because you are self-reliant, you can become effectively interdependent.
You can decide to delegate tasks that can be delegated and You can now come to the office early the next morning to do the remaining work and ultimately you will feel good about your decision. Whatever you choose to do you can focus on it and enjoy it. Principle oriented
Person . As you see things differently and as you see things differently Because you see differently, you think and act differently because you have a higher level of protective guiding intelligence and power flowing from a central and unchangeable center, so you have the foundation for a highly proactive and highly effective
Life. Personal Mission Statement Writing and Using It When we go deep within ourselves, when we understand and organize our fundamental paradigms to bring them into harmony with the right principles, we create an effective and empowering center, a clear lens. Then we can focus that lens on how
We will relate to the world as unique individuals. Frankl says that we do not invent our goals in life. I like this choice of words. I think that each of us has an inner monitor or feeling that we call a conscience. It
Gives us an awareness of our uniqueness and tells us who we are. Can make unique contribution. In Frankl’s words, every person has his own specific duty or goal in life. No one else can take his place, nor can his life be repeated, thus each person’s work
Is as unique as it is. His unique opportunity to put this into practice In his attempt to give literal expression to that uniqueness, we are reminded again of the fundamental importance of pro-activity and working within one’s circle of influence rather than finding some abstract meaning of life in the circle of outside concerns.
To try would be to abandon our proactive responsibility. Through such efforts we entrust our first creation to circumstances and to other people. Our meaning comes from within us. Again in the words of Frankl, ultimately man should not ask that What is the meaning of his life?
Rather, it should be understood that this question is being asked to him. In short, life asks this question to every person and he can answer this question only by giving an answer about his life. He is responsible towards life. Personal responsibility or proactivity is fundamental to the first creation. If we use
Computer language again, the first habit says you are a programmer. The second habit further says write the program until you believe that. That you are responsible and a programmer, you will not really put in the effort to write programs that As active individuals, we can express what we
Want to be and what we want to do in our lives. We can write a personal mission statement, i.e. a You can write a personal constitution. Mission statement is not something that you can write overnight. It requires deep self-observation, careful analysis, thoughtful expression and often writing it several times before it
Comes to the final form and you are comfortable with it. It may take several weeks or even months before you finally feel that your vision is a complete and concise expression of your life values and direction. You may still want to review it regularly when time
Teaches you something new or circumstances change. You may want to make minor changes to it throughout your life , but fundamentally your mission statement becomes your constitution. It becomes a concrete expression of your life vision and values. It becomes the yardstick by which you evaluate everything else in your life.
Let’s do it I recently reviewed my mission statement, which I do regularly. When I sat alone on the beach after a bicycle trip, I took out my organizer and worked on it. It took several hours, but I felt clear,
Organized, and The joy of commitment and the sense of freedom I feel are just as important as the end result. Writing or revising a mission statement changes you because it forces you to think deeply and carefully about your priorities. When you do this, other people will begin to realize that you are
Not driven by what happens to you but by what you are trying to do . You’re excited and you have a sense of purpose. Using the Contour Brain Our self-awareness gives us the power to examine our thoughts. This is especially helpful in crafting a personal mission statement.
This is because two unique human talents Imagination and judgment enable us to use the second habit and both of these are essentially functions of the right side of the brain. Understanding how to harness the potential of the right brain greatly increases the ability of our first creation.
There will be a lot of talk about that for decades. There has been research into what is called the brain dominance hypothesis. The findings basically suggest that both the right and left hemispheres of the brain are experts at different tasks over which they have dominance. They
Interpret information differently and use different information. -deals with different types of problems [music] Basically the left hemisphere is more logical and verbal while the right hemisphere is more cognitive and creative. The left hemisphere is concerned with words, the right with pictures. The left hemisphere is concerned with
Parts and specific descriptions. Whereas the right hemisphere is related to the whole form and the mutual relationship of its parts, the left hemisphere is related to analysis, that is, it looks at an object by separating it into pieces,
While the right hemisphere is related to synthesis, that is, it looks at different things by combining them . The left hemisphere is related to sequential thinking. The right hemisphere is related to the continuous and complete
Thinking of everyone. The left hemisphere is time bound while the right is time free. Although people use both parts of the brain, but generally one or the other part is stronger in every person. Obviously, the ideal situation would be that a person
Maintains good coordination between both parts of the brain and develops the abilities of both so that he can first know what is needed in this situation and make appropriate decisions to deal with it. Use resources, but people have a tendency to remain in the comfort zone of their dominant hemisphere, so they
Analyze every situation according to the activity of the right or left brain. In the words of Abraham Moscow, the person who is in the experiment This is another factor that influences the difference in perception of the old lady. Right brain and left brain people see things in different
Ways. The world we live in. It is primarily the left half of the brain where words, measurement and logic are placed on the throne, while the more creative or artistic aspects of our nature, our intuition, our perception, are often not given as much prominence. It seems difficult to harness the potential
Of Under-exploit our potential When we become aware of our brain’s different capabilities, we can more effectively use our brain consciously to meet specific needs. Two ways to harness our right brain Using the brain mastery concept as a model, it becomes clear that
Our ability to use our creative right brain has a significant impact on the quality of our first ideas. The more we use our right brain, the more we can achieve this. The more able we are to see the big picture of what we want to do and be in life, the
More able we are to visualize, synthesize, and transcend time and current circumstances. Expand perspective, sometimes through unplanned experiences. Pushing us out of our left-brain environment and thought processes and into a right-brain environment
, the death of a loved one, a serious illness, a financial crisis, or a major disaster forces us to step aside, look at our lives, and ask ourselves some difficult questions. What ‘s really important? Why am I doing what I’m doing? But if you’re
Proactive, you don’t have to wait for circumstances or other people to give you the experience to expand your perspective. You can consciously change your experiences. Write your own eulogy. There are many ways to do this. You can picture your ending through your imagination, as we
Did at the beginning of this chapter. Write your own eulogy. Write it really clearly. You can write your wedding eulogy. And then you can see the imaginary picture of Pavi Sal planet. Sit down and see this picture with your life partner. Try to capture the essence of the family relationship that you
Want to build by investing daily for so many years. You want to retire from your current job. You can see an imaginary picture of What contribution would you like to make in your field What achievements would you like to achieve What
Will be your plans after retirement Will you start another career Expand your mind See the imaginary picture in full detail The more emotions and Emotions: Include as many senses as you can. I have done several experiments like this in my university classes with column photo viewing. I tell my students to
Assume that you have something to live for. This is just one semester and during this semester you have to live like a good student in the university. Picture in your mind how you will spend this semester. Things suddenly take a different perspective and the life values that you never had before.
I tell the students to stay with this perspective for a week and write down their experiences in a diary. The results are amazing. They start writing in letters to their parents. They express how much they love and appreciate them. They make up with their siblings or friends with whom their relationship
Has weakened due to conflict. The strong central theme and underlying principle of their activities is love. The futility of speaking ill, thinking ill, insulting or blaming becomes very clear when they think in the context that they have only a short time to live.
Principles and life values become more clear to everyone’s imagination. There are many techniques to use that can bring you in touch with your life values. The different techniques I use have the same results when people seriously commit to identifying what is most important to them in life.
They become very confident in what really matters most What they really want to be and do They start thinking in bigger terms than today and tomorrow Mental Imagery and Statements Personal leadership is not a one-time thing, it is just A personal mission statement does not begin and end with writing. Rather, it
Is an ongoing process of constantly keeping your vision and life values in front of you and bringing your life into alignment with these most important things . Your strong right brain can help you every day in this effort.
Start with the end in mind. This is another example. Let’s move on to the first example. Let’s say I’m a father. Who truly loves my children deeply. Let’s say I have this as a core life value in my personal mission statement. But let’s say I overreact every day. I
Use the power of my right brain’s mental awareness. Can write a statement that will help me come more in harmony with my deepest life values in daily life A good statement has five basic elements: It is personal It is positive It is in the present tense It is visual and It’s emotional
So I write something like this. It’s very satisfying that when my kids misbehave I react with intelligence love determination and self control. Then I can mentally picture it. I’m in this job. I can take a few minutes each day to completely relax my mind and body.
I can think of situations in which my children might misbehave. I can mentally picture that scenario in full detail. I can feel the texture of the chair I’m sitting on, the floor beneath my love, the sweater I’m wearing. I can see the clothes my daughter is wearing and her facial expressions
. The more clarity and precision I can visualize the details, the more deeply I will experience it. I will see the situation less as a spectator and more as a participant. Then I can see that my daughter does something that she Normally my heart would start beating faster and my
Temperature would rise but instead of seeing my normal reaction I can see that I am dealing with this situation through loving peace and self control as I resolved in the statement I can write such a program or script
I am living a life that is in harmony with my values and personal mission statement and if I do this then my body and my behavior will change. Instead of living according to the script given to me by my parents, society, genetics or environment,
I will live according to what I want. Based on my chosen life values, I have written myself. I have encouraged my son, Sean, to use this statement process in his football career. We started it when he played quarterback in high school and Eventually I taught him how to do this alone. First
, I tried to bring him into a stress-free mental state through deep breathing and slow muscle relaxation techniques so that he became calm from within. Then I This helped him to mentally picture that he was facing the most difficult situations. He imagined that
In a football match he was being attacked with great speed. He had to understand that attack and react to it. He would then imagine that he had to run the ball after understanding the defensive line’s intentions. He would imagine that he
Had to juggle the intentions of the second and third receiver in one shot. He would imagine the options that But he generally didn’t think about it. He once told me that he was constantly feeling stressed during his football career. When we talked, I found that he
Was doing a mental check of stress, so we talked about stress relief in high stress situations. We worked hard on mental visualization. We learned that the nature of visualization
Is very important. If you create an imaginary picture of the wrong thing, you will get the wrong picture as well. Dr. Charles Garfield has written about the highest performing people in the world of sports and business. When he was working in NASA’s program, he
Saw astronauts rehearsing everything in a simulated environment on Earth before going into space. This is where his interest in peak performance was aroused. Although he had a PhD in mathematics, he decided to go back to college to pursue a doctorate in psychology and
Study the characteristics of peak performance. One of the major findings of his research was that almost all world-class athletes and other peak performers used mental visualization. They saw their victory, felt it, experienced it before actually doing it, they began with the end in mind. You
Can do this in every area of your life, too, before a show, before a sales presentation, Before a difficult encounter or a challenge to accomplish a goal, look at it clearly, in detail, graphically, repeatedly, create an inner comfort zone about it, then when you reach that situation,
It will not seem unfamiliar to you, you will not be afraid of it. Your creative and imaginative right brain will be one of your most important assets in creating your personal mission statement and bringing it to life . There are many books and audio video tips available that
Relate to the process of mentalizing and writing the statement. Some of the latest discoveries in this area include subliminal programming, neurolinguistic programming, and new forms of stress relief and self-talk processes. These include explanations of the basic principles of first creation in detail and different processes.
Review of the literature on success. While doing this I came across hundreds of books written on this topic, although some of the claims were exaggerated and focused on stories rather than scientific evidence, but I think most of the books are fundamentally correct. The techniques of visualization and statement writing that
Appear to be inspired by the study of the Bible emerge naturally from the foundation of well-thought-out goals and principles in effective personal leadership that become the center of a person’s life. These techniques are again used in writing studies and programs. They are extremely powerful and have
The power to write a script of deep resolution towards purpose and principles in the heart and mind of a person . I believe that at the heart of all religions are the same principles and conduct written in different languages, Sadhana, Prayer, Resolve. Tradition, study of religious texts, paranu bhooti, compassion, and many different
Forms of application of both wisdom and imagination, but if these techniques become a part of personality-based ethics and If we deviate from our character and principles, they can be misused and misused for the sake of other centers, especially for the sake of the self. Writing statements
And creating mental images are forms of programming and we must ensure that we do not allow ourselves to be subjected to any such programming. Imagination can also be used to achieve momentary success which Material success comes from focusing on what’s in it for me, but I believe the greater use of imagination
Comes with wisdom to create a life that transcends the self or the self, a life that is unique. Be based on principles that aim at a purposeful and interdependent reality Identify roles and goals Obviously the logical verbal left brain becomes important when you try to translate
The images, emotions and pictures of your right brain into the words of a written mission statement. Just as breathing exercises help integrate both body and mind, writing is a type of psycho-neural mass activity that helps to build a bridge between the conscious and subconscious mind and
Integrate them. Writing clarifies thoughts and It helps break the whole into parts. We all play many different roles in our lives. We have responsibilities in different areas or roles. For example, my role is a person, husband, father, teacher, church. and businessmen and each of these roles is important. When people
Work hard to become more effective in life, the main problem they face is that they do not think in detail enough. and lose sense of the natural eco-system. They may neglect their health by becoming obsessed with work. In the name of business success, they
May neglect the most valuable aspects of their lives. You may think that you Break your mission statement into pieces and make different goals according to the roles in your life that you want to achieve in each area. When you do this, your mission statement will not only be more balanced but it will
Also be more effective to work on. It would be easier to look at your professional role. You may be a salesman or a manager or a product developer. What are you going to do in this field? What are the life values that should guide you?
Think about your personal roles: husband and wife. Father Mother Neighbors Friends What do you want to do in these roles What is important to you Think about community roles Political arena Public service Voluntary organization An executive has used the idea of roles and goals to
Create the mission statement below. My The goal is to live honestly and make a difference in the lives of others. To accomplish this goal, I do charity. I love every person, every person, regardless of their situation. I sacrifice my time, abilities and resources. I dedicate myself to my goals. I inspire.
I lead by example and learn that we are all children of a loving Father, God, and that every major problem can be defeated. I make an impact on the lives of others in what I do. These roles matter. My husband is primary in achieving my goals. My life partner
Is the most important person in my life. Together we contribute the fruits of goodwill, hard work, charity and consistency. As a father, I help my children enjoy life to the fullest. Help Son or brother I am often there to offer support and love The
Christian God can trust me to keep my oath and serve His other sons Neighbors The love of Jesus is manifested through my actions toward others. Is an agent of change I am a catalyst for high performance growth in large organizations Student I learn important new things every day
Writing your mission statement in the context of important roles in your life gives you balance and order It gives clarity to each of your roles You can review your roles often to make sure that you are not completely immersed in one role and neglecting the others.
What are you not doing that is equally or more important in your life? After identifying your different roles, you can think about the long-term goals you want to achieve in each role. Once again we are in the right brain area. Because we are using imagination, creativity, wisdom, and inspiration,
If these goals are extensions of a mission statement based on the right principles, they will be quite different from the goals people usually create. They will be in harmony with the right principles and natural laws so that You have more power to achieve them.
These are not someone else’s goals that you have internalized. These are your own goals. They reflect your values in life. They reflect your unique abilities and realization of your goals. And it Affective goals develop from the roles you choose in life.
Focuses primarily on results rather than activity. It explores where you want to be and, in the process, helps you determine where you are now. An effective goal gives you important information about how to get there and also tells you when you have got there. It
Binds your efforts and energy together. It makes everything you do meaningful and purposeful. And it ultimately can be incorporated into daily activities so that you become proactive and take control of your life. You are able to do things every day that will enable you to fulfill your personal mission statement.
Roles and Goals Your Personal Mission Statement Provides structure and organized direction. If you haven’t created any kind of personal mission statement yet, this is a good place to start. Pick a few areas of your life, then pick two or three important results in each area that you
Can focus on . If you do this, it gives you a sense of overall vision and direction for your life. When we move on to the third habit, we’ll delve more deeply into short-term goals. The important thing to consider at this point is
To choose roles and long-term goals that are in line with your personal mission statement. When we come to the third habit, i.e. day-to-day management of life and time, these roles and goals are the key to making effective goals and achieving them. A family mission statement will provide the foundation.
Because the Second Habit is based on principles, it is widely applicable to all types of individuals, family service groups, and organizations when they begin with the end in mind. Many families are guided by powerful principles. Instead of running on the basis of
Adverse situations, they run on the basis of mood, quick fix and instant gratification. Whenever stress or pressure increases, these symptoms emerge. People blame people, become critical or silent or they scream and shout. And begin to overreact. Children who witness this type of behavior grow up thinking that the
Only way to solve problems is fight or flight. The heart of a family is what is immutable and is always there. There will be a shared life vision and life values. By writing a family mission statement, you give expression to the true foundation of the family.
The mission statement becomes the constitution of the family. It becomes the criterion or standard for evaluating and taking decisions. It gives continuity, unity and direction to the family. When an individual ‘s life values are in sync with the family’s life values, all members work together toward common goals that are deeply felt.
Once again, the process is equally important as that of writing and refining a product mission statement. The process becomes a major way of improving the family. Working together to create a mission statement gives PCs the ability to live by it. You
Prepare a first draft of the mission statement by taking input from each family member. Then you revise this draft. Ask for their views Revise it and use the words of all family members In doing so, you encourage the family to discuss and communicate about the topics
That are really important The best mission statements are written when Family members come together with a sense of shared respect and express their different ideas and then work together. All family members work together to create a greater creation. What one person could not do alone, the
Family should review from time to time to broaden the perspective , change the importance or direction, or to give new meaning to the clichéd phrases. This review brings the family together in common life values and goals. This mission statement
Becomes the basic foundation of thinking for the family to operate. When problems and crises arise, this constitution reminds people of what things are really important. This constitution serves to provide problem-solving and direction based on the right principles. In our home, we have hung our mission statement on the wall of our family room
So that we can see it and monitor ourselves every day as we work in our home. Love, Order, Responsibility, Self-Reliance, Cooperation, Utility, Meeting Needs, Developing Abilities, a When we read phrases like taking interest in the abilities of others and serving others, it gives us a measure of
How we are performing in the areas that are most important to us as a family as we work toward our family goals. And when planning activities, we say, in the light of these principles, what are the goals on which we are going to work. What are
Our action plans to achieve our goals and realize these life values ? We write this mission statement. We frequently review and reconsider our goals and objectives twice each year. We
Do this review in September and June. The purpose of this review is at the beginning and end of the school year. The purpose of this review is to find out the current situation, improve it and strengthen it. It renews us and makes us committed to the principles we believe in
And stand for. Organizational Mission Statements Mission statements are also essential for successful organizations . Things to Consider When Working with Organizations One of the things I emphasize most is helping the organization create effective mission statements, and to be effective, these statements must come from the bottom up of the organization. All employees
Must participate meaningfully in it, not just the top strategic planners. Whenever I go to IBM and see the training process there, my curiosity is always aroused. I see that the leaders of this organization, while addressing a group, repeatedly It is said that IBM stands on three goals:
Human dignity, excellence and service. These things represent the belief system of IBM. Everything else will change but these three things will never change. Almost like osmosis, this belief system also spread throughout the organization. And it provides a tremendous foundation of shared values and personal security to everyone who works there. Once I
Was training some people at the IBM company in New York, it was a small group of about 20 people. One fell ill. He called his wife in California. The wife became worried because that disease required special treatment. The
IVM people responsible for the training arranged for him to be taken to a very good hospital where doctors specialized in that disease. But they realized that his wife was still not completely satisfied and what she really wanted was for her husband to return home
Where his personal doctor could explain the problem, so they decided to send the man home and take him to the car. It would have taken too long to get to the airport , and even longer to wait for a commercial flight, so he
Called a helicopter to take him to the airport. Then he chartered a special plane to fly just one person to California. But I don’t know how much it cost. My guess is that it cost several thousand dollars. But
IBM believes in the dignity of the human person. It’s one of the core values of the company. The attendees at the event expressed IBM’s belief system. So he was not surprised but I was very impressed. Once again, I had to give training to the managers of 1275 shopping centers in a particular hotel.
I was surprised to see the level of service of that hotel. Is this something for show or superficial? The service was clearly visible at every level, it was done smoothly and without any monitoring. I reached that hotel during day and night. I asked
If room service is available. The reception said no Mr. Qavi but if you want. So I went to the kitchen and brought you whatever was available, a sandwich or a salad or whatever you wanted. Her attitude was one of complete concern for my comfort and well-being
. She added, “Would you like to see the conference room where you will be trained?” Do you have everything you need What can I do for you I am here to serve you There was no supervisor to supervise This person was completely dedicated The next day while giving training I found that
I was wearing something colorful I needed pence, which I did not have. After a short pause, I went out into the hall. There I saw a bell boy who was leaving for some other work. I told him I have a problem. I am
Here with a group of managers. I am training and I need some colored pens, I have very little time. He turned around and immediately became alert. He read my name on the tag and said, Mr. Qavi, I will solve your problem. He did not
Say that, I Don’t know where to go or better go and tell the reception. He took responsibility and sorted it out and he made me feel like it was a matter of pride for him to do so. Later I was looking at the art pieces in the side lobby of the hotel. An
Employee of the hotel came up to me and said, Mr. Cowie, would you like to see the book that contains a description of all the art objects kept in this hotel? How well my needs were taken into account. What a great focus on service. After this I
Noticed that a The employee was cleaning the doors of the lobby by climbing the stairs. From there he saw that a woman was having some trouble with the walker in the garden. Although the woman had not fallen and there were many people with that woman but the employee came down the stairs.
He went out and helped the woman to the lobby, he made sure that she was well taken care of, then he went back and got back to his work of cleaning windows. I wanted to find out how the organization created such a culture. Due to which the employees here
Were inspired to serve the customers with such dedication. I talked to the housekeepers, waiters, bell boys etc. of the hotel. In this conversation, I found that this attitude is actually ingrained in the hearts and minds of all the employees there. I was settled. I went through the back door into the kitchen where
I saw the core values of personal service without compromise. Finally, I went to the manager and said my job is to help organizations develop strong team character and culture. I was amazed by the environment you have here. He asked, “Do you want to know the real key?” Saying this, he
Pulled out the mission statement of the hotel chain. After reading it, I admitted that the mission statement was impressive, but I know many companies whose mission statements were very different. Affect you means that you have
Created a separate statement just for this hotel which is different from the statement of the portal chain. Yes, this mission statement is in harmony with it, but we have adapted it to suit our situation, our environment and our time. I held out another piece of paper and asked
Who wrote this mission statement. She replied: Every employee, every employee, literally every employee, yes, the housekeepers, yes, the waitresses, yes, the desk clerk, yes. Would you like to see a mission statement written by people who He welcomed you last night. He brought out a mission statement that they had written themselves
. This mission statement was intertwined with other mission statements. Every person at every level was involved. That hotel commission statement was the axle of a big wheel. It was the employees. The hotel ‘s mission statement was generated from the ideas and expertise of specific groups of hotel staff. The
Hotel’s mission statement was used as a yardstick for every decision. It made clear the values that underpin the way it interacts with customers. How they behave How they treat each other It affects what managers and leaders do It affects reward systems It affects the types of people hired It affects
New employees Every aspect of that organization was essentially a result of that mission statement. I later went to a hotel of the same chain. After staying there, the first thing I did was to look at the mission statement. I asked for it which was given to me immediately.
In this hotel I understood better the goal of personalized service without compromise. Over a period of three days I saw every possible situation where service was required. I always found that the service was excellent and very impressive but it was also always very personal. For example near the swimming pool
I asked the staff Asking where to get drinking water, he took me to the water cooler. However, what impressed me the most was that the employees themselves informed the boss about their mistake. We ordered room service. We were told that the order would be delivered to our room. When the room service waiter
Was coming towards our room, on the way the hot chocolate spilled from his hand, due to this he had to go back, change the napkin on the tray and keep the chocolate. For all these tasks, he had to pay some extra money. It took time. Room service was delayed by about 15 minutes
Which really didn’t matter much to us but the next morning the room service manager called and apologized to us. He also offered us free breakfast from the hotel. He wanted to give us the option of either having a buffet breakfast as per our wish or ordering breakfast from room service. He
Wanted to somehow compensate for the inconvenience caused when an employee himself points out his mistake to the manager so that the customer or guest can have better experience. To provide better care so that the customer or guest can be taken better care of,
What does this tell us about the culture of that organization? As I told the manager of the previous hotel, I know many companies whose mission statements But the real and huge difference in the impact is made by who has prepared the mission
Statement. Is this mission statement prepared by every person in the organization or is it prepared by a few top executives sitting in luxurious rooms? A fundamental problem that comes up in organizations that include families is that people are not loyal to things that other people in their lives decide,
They just don’t agree with them. While working with organizations, I have seen this many times . I have also seen employees whose goals are completely different from those of the company. I have also usually noticed that the reward system is also
Not in line with the system of stated life values. When I start working with people who have in some way If you have already prepared a mission statement, then I ask them how many people in your company know that the company has a mission statement? How many of you
Know what is written in it? How many people were involved in preparing it? How many people actually follow it and use it as a decision making criterion There is no commitment without participation Know it well Mark it Circle it Underline it Otherwise participation No commitment In initial situations i.e. when a new person
Joins an organization or when there is a small child in the family, you can easily give him a target and he can accept it especially when the rapport and training is good. But as people become more mature and their own lives start to have a different meaning, they want participation, significant
Participation, and if they are not participating or involved, they do not accept that mission statement. Then you have an important question of motivation. A problem arises that cannot be solved at the same level of thinking at which it was created, so crafting an organization’s mission statement
Requires time, patience, involvement, skill, and empathy. Once again, this is not a quick fix. It is not the work to be done. It takes time commitment, right principles, courage and integrity to combine the organization’s system structure and management style with a
Shared life vision and way of life . It is based on the right principles and it is effective. The mission statement of an organization which It truly reflects the deeply shared vision and values of every person in the organization. It creates strong unity and tremendous commitment
. It creates a standard of reference in the hearts and minds of the people. It creates a set of norms or guidelines by which they Control Themselves They don’t need anyone else to give them direction Control Criticism or poor shooting They accept an immutable center of power
Third Habit Put First Things First [Music] Personal Management Principles Most The important things should never be left to the mercy of the least important things, Goethe said. Would you please pause for a moment and write short answers to the following two questions?
These answers will be important to you as you start working on the third habit. First question: What is one thing you can do that you are not doing right now that you can do if you If done regularly, it
Can make a very positive difference to your personal life. Second question: Which one task in your business or professional life can produce such results? We will discuss the answers to these questions later
But let us first answer the third question. Let’s look at the habit by placing it in the right background. The third habit is the personal fruit and practical result of the first and second habits. The first habit says that you
Are the creator and you are responsible. This imagination is based on the four unique human talents of discretion, self-reliant will and especially self- awareness. Habit gives you the power to say The program I got from my childhood or social mirror is faulty
I don’t like its unhelpful script I can change it The second habit is the first or mental construct. It is based on imagination i.e. The ability to see possibilities. The ability to create in our minds what we cannot currently see with our eyes. It is also based on wisdom, that is,
The ability to recognize our uniqueness and the personal and moral guidelines within which we live. It can be used in the most pleasant way through deep contact with our basic paradigm and life values and also with the imaginary picture of what we can become. The
Third habit is the second creation i.e. physical creation. This is the result of the first and second habits through real action and natural This principle is the exercise of self-inflicted will towards becoming focused. This means
Doing it every moment of every day. The first and second habits are absolutely essential to the third habit. They are the sine qua non of the third habit without recognizing your proactive nature and doing it. You cannot become principle-centered unless you develop You cannot become principle-centered unless
You are aware of your paradigms and understand how they can be changed and brought into harmony with the principles. You cannot be principle-centered unless you have a vision or focus on what unique contribution you can make. But if you have this foundation,
You can do so by adopting the third habit, i.e. practicing effective personal management. By doing this, you can become principle-centered every moment of every day. Remember, management is completely different from leadership. Leadership is fundamentally a very powerful right-brain activity. In a way, it is more of an art. It
Is based on a philosophy of life when you deal with personal leadership issues. You have to ask the basic questions of life but once you deal with those issues and resolve them, you then have to manage yourself effectively so that you can create a life that works for you.
If you are not in the right forest, then good management does not make much difference, but if you are in the right forest , it makes a lot of difference. In fact, the ability to manage well can even affect the quality of the creation . Management is the left
Brain aspect of effective self-discipline that involves breaking things into pieces, analyzing, putting in order, specific use, and time bound. Personal Impact My formula for Kata is Manage from the left, Lead from the right, Self-reliant Will The Power of Self-Awareness Self-awareness, in addition to imagination and conscience,
Is the fourth human talent that makes effective self-management truly possible. Self-will is the ability to make decisions and choices and act on them. It is the ability to do things rather than have them done. It is the ability to proactively act on a program that we have
Created with the help of the other three geniuses. The human will is a wonderful thing. It has overcome incredible odds and triumphed over and over again. There are many people like Helen Keller in this world. People give wonderful evidence of the power and importance of the self-reliant will,
But when we examine this talent in the context of effective self-management, we realize that lasting success does not usually come from something that is dramatic enough to inspire people. Empowerment comes from learning how to use this great talent to make the decisions we make every day. To
What extent have we achieved self-reliance in our everyday lives? it is till Our personal integrity is measured by integrity. It is basically the life values we apply to ourselves. It is the ability to make promises to ourselves and keep them. It is living up to what we say. It is self-respect. Character based
Ethics . It is the core part of and the essence of proactive development. Effective management means putting first things first. Where leadership decides what are the first things, management puts them first every moment of every day. Management means discipline on decisions. To implement
The word disciple is derived from the word disciple. Disciple of a philosophy of life. Disciple of a set of principles. Disciple of a set of life values. Disciple of an important goal. Disciple of an extraordinary goal or the person representing that goal.
In other words, if you If you are an effective manager, your discipline comes from within. It is the result of your self-reliant will. You become a disciple and supporter of your deeper life and its source, and you have so much will and integrity
That you can control your emotions, mood, and state of mind. Keep those life values under control One of my favorite essays is The Common Nomen of Success by E.M. Gray The Common Nomen of Success He spent his life trying to find the one indicator that all successful
People have in common. He found that the indicator was Hard work was not good luck or skilled human relations, although all of these were important in achieving success . The supreme element that transcends the rest captures the essence of the third habit
: putting first things first. His conclusion was that successful people have a tendency to do things like There are habits which unsuccessful people do not like to do. It is not necessary that successful people also like to do that work, but their dislike
Remains under the power of their goal. To keep their dislike under control, one goal, one mission, another habit. It is necessary to have a clear sense of life’s value and direction. Apart from this, a strong ‘Ha’ is required within the mind which says no to everything else. It
Also requires self-reliant will power, i.e. when you do not want to do any work. If you have the power to do that work, then you have the power to do that work in accordance with your life values rather than according to the impulse or aspiration of that moment. This
Is the power to work with integrity in accordance with your proactive first creation. Four Generations of Time Management Third Habit In this article we are considering many questions related to the field of life and time management. As a lifelong student of this interesting field, I personally believe that
The essence of the best thinking in the field of time management can be summed up in one sentence. Prioritize your tasks and follow through This sentence represents the development of three generations of time management concepts. There are many ways to do this in the best possible way, and
Many books have been written on the subject. In line with many other areas of human endeavor, personal management has developed in a pattern of major evolutionary shocks, which Alvin Toffler calls waves or wedges, occurring one after another, each of which adds an important new dimension,
E.g. For this, in social development, agricultural revolution was followed by industrial revolution, which was followed by information revolution. Each successive wave created a flow of social and personal progress. Similarly, in the field of time management, every generation progresses further than its previous generation. Moves us to take more control of our lives
Notes and to-do lists marked the first wave or generation of attempts to identify and deal with the various pressures on our time and energy The second generation was characterized by calendars and appointment books This wave looks ahead and tries to determine the timing of future events and tasks.
The third generation reflects the current time management area. It adds the important idea of priority to the thoughts of the older generations, that is, it has clear life values. Apart from this, this generation focuses on setting goals, specific long-term, medium-term and short-term goals. This generation
Works towards achieving these goals in harmony with its life values. Emphasizes investing time and energy. It also includes the concept of daily planning, which means you have a clear and specific plan for achieving the most important goals and activities you have set. Although the contribution of the third generation
Is important, people are beginning to realize that efficient scheduling and time control are often counterproductive. When the focus is on efficiency, it creates expectations that hinder the development of good relationships or As a result , many people have turned their backs on time management programs and plans because they
Make them feel too pre-planned. They even throw the babies out with the tub water . Once again we go back to the first or second generation techniques to maintain the ease of relationships and quality of life, but a fourth generation is emerging whose nature is completely different. It believes that in fact
The phrase time management The challenge is not to manage time but to manage ourselves. Satisfaction lies in expectation as well as in achieving. And expectation lies within our circle of influence. Fourth generation expectations do not focus their attention on things and time. Instead they focus on protecting, deepening relationships and achieving results
, in short, they focus on maintaining P-P-P balance. The basic focus of the fourth generation of Quadrant Two Management is given on the next page. It can be shown in the matrix of time management that basically we
Spend our time in these four ways. As you can see, here the two elements that define an activity are urgent and important. Urgent means it needs immediate attention. It’s a must-do thing. Urgent things make us get things done immediately. The phone ringing is urgent. Most people can’t stand the thought
Of the phone ringing. You may have spent hours preparing some content. And if you are well prepared and have gone to someone’s office to discuss a particular issue, suppose the phone starts ringing while you are sitting there, then usually it will take place before your personal discussion.
If you call someone, Most people can’t say I ‘ll call you in 15 minutes, but these same people will probably keep you waiting in the office at least that long when they’re on the telephone with someone else Time Management Matrix Table Urgent Matters Usually But they are clearly visible
They put pressure on us They insist on getting things done Often other people like these things Important tasks are usually right in front of us and are often pleasant, easy and interesting but often unimportant On the other hand, importance has to do with results. If something is important, it
Contributes to your mission, your life values, and your high-priority goals. We respond quickly to urgent matters, which are matters that are important but not urgent. They require more initiative and proactivity. We have to act to seize the opportunity and make things happen. We will not practice the second habit if
We do not have a clear idea of what is important. or what results we want in our lives, we can easily get distracted and keep reacting to urgent matters. Take a moment to look at the four quadrants or parts of the time management matrix. Quadrant One is both urgent and
Important. It has to do with those important results. Which need immediate attention? Usually we call the activities of Quadrant One as crisis or problems. Quadrant One has many functions in all of our lives, but Quadrant One completely immerses many people in itself. Such people Crisis managers become problem-minded, deadline-driven producers.
When you keep your focus on Quadrant One, it becomes bigger and bigger. There comes a time when it completely dominates you. It is like the waves of the ocean. It’s like a big problem comes and knocks you down, you struggle and get up,
But then another wave comes and knocks you down again with a loud noise. Some people keep falling after hitting problems every day in their life. The only relief for them is to
Migrate to the not important and not urgent activities of Quadrant Four. So if you look at their entire matrix you will find that 90% of their time is spent in Quadrant One and the remaining 10% is spent in Quadrant One. This is how people
Manage their lives with a crisis management strategy, while they pay only nominal attention to Quadrant Two and Quadrant Three. The rest spend a lot of their time in the urgent but not important Quadrant Three. and they have the misconception that they are in Quadrant One. They spend most of their time
Reacting to urgent things and they assume they will be important but the reality is that the urgency of these matters often outweighs the priorities of others. And it’s based on expectations. People who spend most of their time in the third and fourth quadrants live fundamentally irresponsible lives. Effective people stay
Out of the third and fourth quadrants because whether they’re urgent or not, they’re not important. By spending more time in the second quadrant, they also reduce the time spent in the first quadrant. The second quadrant is the heart of effective personal management. It deals with things that are not urgent
But are important. It is related to building relationships and writing a personal mission statement. Making and implementing long-term planning, prevention, and preparation are all the things we know we should do but we rarely find the time to do because they aren’t urgent. To paraphrase Peter Ducker
, In other words, effective people do not have a problem mindset. They have an opportunity mindset. They nurture opportunities and starve problems. They think preventively. They also have Quadrant One crisis and emergency situations which Those who require immediate attention but are relatively few in number. They
Keep their PO PC in balance by focusing on important but not urgent, high-impact activities in Quadrant Two. Attention to Time Management Matrix Now stop for a moment and think about how you answered the questions at the beginning of this chapter. Which Quadrant do those tasks fall into? Are they
Important? Are they urgent? My guess is that they probably fall into Quadrant Two. They are obviously important, very important but not urgent and because they are not urgent you don’t do them. Look again at the nature of those questions. What one thing
Can you do in your personal and professional life? Which, if done regularly, can make a huge positive difference to your life. The activities of Quadrant Two can have this kind of impact. By doing these activities, our influence can take a miraculous leap.
I have interviewed managers of a shopping center. Asked the group a similar question, if you had to do one thing in your business that you knew would have the most positive impact on results, what would it be? Their unanimous
Response was that it would be to help their customers. There has to be a cooperative personal relationship with the shopkeepers in the shopping center. This is an activity of Quarter Two. When we analyzed how much time they were spending on this activity at that time, it
Turned out to be less than 5%. They had good reasons for this. The problems which They were faced with one task after another. They had to prepare reports, attend meetings, answer letters, make phone calls, face constant interruptions. Quadrant 1 consumed all their time.
They were shop managers. They were spending very little time with the manager and whatever time they did spend was filled with negative energy. Whenever they went to meet the manager, the only reason for that was to forcefully enforce the contract between them, to collect rent or to
Advertise or Any other thing to consider that is not meeting the guidelines of the shopping center or anything like that Shop owners were struggling to survive let alone prosper They were facing staff problems There were cost problems. There were inventory problems. There were many other problems. Most of them had
No management training at all. Some were generally good businessmen but they needed help. They were able to meet the shopping center owners and even see them. They didn’t want them; they considered them just another problem they had to deal with, so the owners decided to be proactive.
Determined objective life values and priorities. In line with these priorities, he decided to spend one-third of his time in building cooperative relationships with tenants. During the course of working with that organization for about one and a half years, I observed that
His time in this work increased by 20 percent. That was more than a fourfold increase. Additionally, they changed their roles. They became listeners, coaches and mentors to their tenants. Their discussions were filled with positive energy. The results were incredible and profound. Instead of focusing on time and methods, Focusing on
Relationships and results led to increased statistics. Tenants and customers were thrilled with the results from new ideas and innovation, while shopping center owners were more effective and satisfied. Their list of potential tenants grew and store merchandise sales increased. Due to growth, the income earned
Had also increased. They were no longer police personnel or supervisors to monitor, they had become problem solvers and helpers, whether you are a university student, an assembly line worker, a cook or a fashionista. Whether you ‘re a designer or a company
President, I believe that if you ask yourself what’s in Quadrant Two and then develop pro activities to do it, you’ll get the same results. Your effectiveness will increase dramatically. Your problems and crises are solvable. Will shrink in proportion because you will be thinking ahead, working on the roots,
Doing preventive work which does not allow the circumstances to become a crisis. In the language of time management, this is called Parrot principle. 80 questions result from 20 questions actions. What it takes to say no The only way to make time for Quadrant Two in the beginning is to take time from Quadrants
Three and Four. You cannot ignore the essential and important activities of Quadrant One, however, as you prepare for Quadrant Two. And if you spend more time in prevention, then the size of Quadrant One will shrink but initially time to spend in Quadrant Two
Will come from Quadrant Three and Four only. To work on Quadrant Two, you will have to be proactive because Quadrant One and Three are working on you. Let’s say
Yes to the important priorities of Quadrant Two. In order to say yes to the important priorities, you have to learn to say no to other activities that may sometimes seem obviously urgent. Some time ago my wife was invited to serve as chair of
A community committee. She already had a lot of important work to do, so she didn’t really want to do this new work. However, she felt pressured to do it and finally agreed. Then she called a dear friend of hers and asked if she would also be on this committee.
This will work, my friend said after listening to her for a long time. Sandra, this sounds like a wonderful and really admirable work. I am really grateful that you have invited me to join this. I am honored by this but for many reasons I
Will not be able to participate in this. Anyway, I want to tell you that I am grateful for your invitation. Sandra was prepared for any reaction except the not-so-pleasant one. She turned to me and, with a sigh, said, ‘I wish I had said the same.’ I tried to suggest this. Not saying you
Shouldn’t get involved in important service tasks. They are important tasks but you have to decide what your top priorities are as well as everything else you do. Have the courage to say no without apology while smiling nicely. You should do this because there
Is a greater Yes within you motivating you. Good is often the enemy of the best. Keep in mind that you are always saying no to something. If you do this with the obvious and urgent things in your life. If you don’t, you probably
Do the same with the more basic and extremely important things. Even when the urgent is good, the good may be keeping you from your best self and preventing you from making the unique contribution you want to make. When I was Director of University Relations at a large university,
I hired an extremely talented, proactive and creative writer. After a few months of working with him, I walked into his office one day and told him: He should do some urgent work for me which was putting a lot of pressure on me,
He said, Stephen, I will do whatever you want me to do, but before that Let me tell you my situation. Then he led me to his board on the wall where he had posted a list of over two dozen projects he was working on with pre-determined performance criteria and deadline dates.
He was very disciplined and that was the reason I went to him in the first place. If you want something done, hand it over to a busy person. Then he said Stephen, the tasks you are currently assigning me will take several days to complete properly. To accommodate your request, just let me know
Which of these previously scheduled tasks you would like to delay or cancel, obviously. I didn’t want to take responsibility for this. I didn’t want to cog in the wheel of one of the most productive people on my staff just because I was managing a crisis at the time.
The tasks I wanted to get done were urgent but important. We say yes or no to things every day, and usually we do so several times a day. A center of right principles and a focus on our personal mission give us wisdom. When working with diverse groups, I tell
Them that the essence of effective time management and life management is organizing and executing around balanced priorities. Then I ask this question: If you If you have to blame yourself in any one of these three areas, then which area is that? One, inability to set priorities, two,
Unwillingness or inability to organize around those priorities, or three, to act on them and act according to your priorities and system. Lack of Discipline to Do Most people say that their major flaw is lack of discipline. On thinking more deeply I think this is not true. Actually the basic problem is that their
Priorities are not deeply planted in their hearts and minds. The Second Habit Has Not Really Been Internalized There are many people who understand the importance of Quadrant Two activities in their lives, whether they recognize them as such or not, and only through self-discipline do they engage
In those activities. They try to prioritize and implement them into their lives, but because they do not have a principle-based center and personal mission statement, they do not have the necessary foundation to keep trying. They are just working on the cards. They are just practicing discipline. are working on the attitudes
And behavior of If you are focused on your life partner, money, friends, pleasure or any external element then you will be repeatedly interrupted in Quadrants One and Three because you will continue to react to the external forces on which your life is focused even if
You are focused on your self i.e. Be centered on yourself, but you will eventually fall into Quadrants One and Three, reacting to the emotional wake of that moment . Your self-sufficient willpower alone cannot effectively discipline you against your center. The formula for architecture is form
Follows function. This is how management follows leadership. How you spend your time is a result of how you view your time and your priorities. If your priorities stem from a principle center and a personal mission statement. If they are deeply planted in your heart and mind,
You will see Quadrant Two as a natural and exciting place to invest your time. It is almost impossible to say no to the popularity of Quadrant Th or the joy of escape of Quadrant Four when Unless you have a bigger and stronger yes within yourself, only then can you have
The self-awareness to examine your current program and the imagination and wisdom to create a new unique principle-based program to which you can say yes . There will be so much self-sufficient willpower that you can’t say unimportant things with a genuine smile. Entering Quadrant Two. The activities of Quadrant Two are clearly
The heart of effective personal management if they are the first things we need to put first. We How to organize things and get them done The first generation of time management doesn’t even recognize the concept of prioritization. It
Gives us notes and to-do lists that we can tick off whenever we get things done. Every time we tick a task, we get a temporary feeling of success, but no priority has been set for the tasks written in this list. Apart from this,
The tasks written in the list are not related to the ultimate life values and objectives of your life. There is no connection between the work that comes to our mind or the work that we directly feel the need to do, we just keep writing and doing that work.
Many people spend their time with this first generation paradigm. Manage It is the path of least resistance There is no pain or stress There is pleasure in flowing with the feeling Externally imposed discipline or schedule gives people a satisfying feeling that they are not responsible for the results but have an impact By
Definition, first generation managers are ineffective; they produce very little, produce very little results, and their lifestyle does nothing to increase their productivity; they are often pushed by external forces. Are not considered reliable or responsible and have a low sense of control and self-esteem
Second generation managers are a little more controlling They plan and schedule in advance They are generally considered more responsible because they come to meet When they have promised to meet, but once again the activities they have scheduled are not scheduled a priori; these
Activities have no clear connection to their deeper life values or goals; they rarely have significant successes and they are not scheduled. Third generation managers take a significant step forward. They clarify their life values and set goals. They plan each day and prioritize their activities.
As I have said, most of today’s time management is based here, but this third generation has many serious limitations. The first thing is that it limits future vision. In making daily plans, many such important things are often left out which can only be From a broader perspective,
The phrase daily planning itself focuses on the most urgent tasks that need to be done. However, third generation prioritization orders activities but does not question the fundamental importance of the activities that precede them. It does not place activities in the context of principles, individual missions, roles and goals. The third generation’s
Concept of daily planning based on values of life basically puts the problems of Quadrant One and Three and the crises of the day in order of priority . The third generation does not make any provision for managing roles in a balanced manner. It lacks realism and
Has a tendency to overload the day with work, as a result of which the person becomes frustrated and sometimes this desire also awakens. That the plan should be thrown away and migrate to Quadrant Four because the entire focus is on time management and work efficiency, hence due to this, relationships with people
Become stressful instead of becoming cordial, although all three generations have some kind of Recognize the importance of management tools, but none of them have created a tool that empowers a person to live a principle-based Quarton Two lifestyle. First-generation notepads and to-do
Lists simply give us a place to jot down things that come to mind. So that we don’t forget them, the appointment diaries and calendars of the 10th generation merely provide a place to write down future promises so that we can get to where we have promised to be at that time. also primarily
Focuses on prioritizing and planning activities in Quadrant One and Three. Although many trainers and consultants recognize the importance of Quadrant Two activities, third-generation tools that do actual planning have failed to organize and There is no system to be followed
Because each generation surpasses the generations before it. So some of the tools and powers of all three generations provide the starting material for the fourth generation, but there is an additional need for a new dimension, a new paradigm and implementation that will give us the power to enter Quadrant Two. Empower
Us to become principle-centered and manage ourselves so that we can do what truly matters most. Quadrant Tools The purpose of management in Quadrant Two is to effectively manage our lives. Its purpose is to center powerful principles on the knowledge of our personal mission. And managing
By focusing on the important as well as the urgent and the aim is to work within a structure that strikes a balance between increasing our production and increasing our production capacity. Obviously Quadrants Th and Four are full of little things. This is an ambitious goal for those stuck in the business,
But trying to achieve it has a tremendous impact on personal impact. The organizer in Quadrant Two will need to meet six important criteria. Alignment means that your future vision and purpose There is consistency and integrity between your roles and goals, your priorities and plans, and your desires and discipline. Your planner
Should have space for your personal mission statement so you can keep in touch with it. It includes your roles and short and long term goals. There should be room for both types of goals Balance Your tool should help you maintain balance in your life. It should
Help you identify your different roles and put them right in front of you so you don’t neglect important areas. Like your health, your family, your professional preparation or personal development. Many people think that success in one area can compensate for failure in other areas of life,
But can it really do so? Perhaps in some areas there is limited time. But can the success of your business compensate for a broken marital relationship, poor health, or weakness of character? True influence requires balance, and your tools will help you create and maintain this balance. Quadrant Two Focus Should Help
You Instead of letting them arise I think the best way to do this is to organize your life on a weekly basis. You can also adapt this plan to a daily basis and set priorities but the basic emphasis is on organizing the week. Organizing on a weekly basis rather than a daily basis
Provides more balance and background. The idea of the week as a single and complete unit of time in every culture is implicitly embedded in business, education and other aspects of society within the framework of the week. Work consists of
Having certain days set aside for work or purpose and certain days for rest or inspiration. Basic Jewish Christian theology respects Sunday. One of the seven days of the week set aside for purposes of spiritual development. Most people think in terms of weeks, but most third-generation planning tools focus on daily planning. Although they
Can help you order your activities by priority, they are primarily used to organize crises and urgent tasks. What is important is not that the tasks on your list are arranged in order of priority, but that your priorities are arranged in the list
And this can be best done in the context of the week. People Dimensions You also need a tool that is concerned with people, not just schedules. Although you may think in terms of efficiency when dealing with time, it is more important to think in terms of principle-centered person-impact
When dealing with people. Think in Context There are times in life when the principles of Quadrant Two center on the need to prioritize schedules less and people more. Your equipment needs to reflect this life value so that when schedules are not followed even if found guilty
Life should feel driven by roots rather than intuition Flexibility Your planning tool should always be your servant, never your master. Because it has to work for you, you have to adapt it to your style, your needs and your specific methods. Should be easy to carry while traveling Portability Your device should be
Easy to carry while traveling so that you can keep it with you most of the time You may have your personal mission statement in mind while traveling by bus A desire to review may arise. You may suddenly
See a new opportunity and you may want to compare the previously made plan with the importance of that new opportunity. If the organizer is easy to carry with you while traveling, then you will keep it with you so that important information can be kept. Always within your reach Because Quadrant Two
Is the heart of effective self-management, you need a tool that takes you into Quadrant Two. In working with the Fourth Generation concept, I have created a tool that addresses the above However, many good third generation devices can also be easily adapted to suit your needs. Because the principle is strong, the behavior or
Specific implementation may vary according to individual needs . Becoming Your Own Manager in Quarter Two You can better understand the power of generation. There are four main activities involved in organizing Quarton Two. Identifying Roles. The first task is to write down your key roles.
If you have not really thought seriously about the roles in your life until now. If you haven’t already, you can write down the roles that come to your mind right now. You have a role as an individual. You
May want to list one or more of your roles as a family member. Husband or wife, mother or father, son. Or as a member of extended family like daughter, grandparents, maternal grandparents, maternal grandparents, uncles, aunts or cousins, sisters etc. You
Can list down some of the roles in your business which will give you information about the different areas in which you regularly spend your time and energy. You may also have roles in church or community service. You don’t need to worry about defining these roles for the rest of your life. Just
Think about the next week and write down the areas in which you want to invest. How you see yourself spending time over the next seven days Here are two examples of how people might view their different roles: One Person Two Spouse or Father Three Manager New Products
Four Manager Research Five Manager Staff Development G Manager Administration Seven United Way Chairman One Personal Development Two Wives Three Mothers Four Real Estate Sales Persons Five Sunday School Teachers Six Symphony Board Members Selecting Goals The next step is to think of two to three key results
You want to achieve in each role over the next seven days. These will be written down as goals. At least some of these goals should be related to the activities of Quarter Two. Ideally, these short-term goals should be linked to the long-term goals you have identified in your personal
Mission statement. But even if you haven’t written your mission statement, considering each of your roles and its two or three goals can help you realize what’s important to you. Making a Time Table Now you can focus on your goals. You can look ahead to the week ahead and
Set aside time to achieve them. For example, if your goal is to create a first draft of your personal mission statement, you might set aside two hours on Sunday to work on it. Sundays are often the ideal time to plan activities that take you to a higher level personally,
Including organizing the week, taking a step back, finding inspiration, and viewing your life against the backdrop of your principles and life values. This is a great time to exercise. If you have set a goal of staying physically fit by exercising, then perhaps you may
Want to set aside three to four days a week, or perhaps an hour every day, to achieve that goal. There may be some that you can only accomplish during office hours, or some that you can accomplish only on Saturdays when your kids are at home. Are
You starting to see some of the benefits of planning for the week instead of the day ? After identifying and setting goals, you can highlight each goal on a specific day of the week, either as a priority or, even better,
As a special appointment. You can also check your annual or monthly calendar for this. You can see which appointments you have already made for this week. After evaluating the importance of those appointments in the background of your goals, include the ones you consider important in your schedule and save the rest for
Another time. Make a Plan or Cancel Also notice the box that says Sharpen the R. This box provides a space where we will plan essential renewal Quadrant Two activities in the four human dimensions that will be explained in the Seventh Habit during Week 19.
See how much free time is left on the worksheet, even after you’ve scheduled time to accomplish important goals. Quadrant Two’s weekly schedule not only gives you the power to put things first, it also helps you deal with unexpected events. It also provides freedom and flexibility.
You have the freedom to change appointment times if needed and enjoy relationships and discussions with people. Additionally, you can deeply enjoy the experiences unfolding immediately because you know that You’ve organized your week proactively to achieve key goals in every area of your life. Shaping Each Day
With Quadrant Two’s weekly organization, daily planning often becomes a task of shaping the day. It involves you prioritizing activities. and respond meaningfully to unexpected events, relationships, and experiences. By taking a few minutes each morning to review your schedule, you
Can keep yourself in touch with the life value decisions you made as you organized your week . You can also pay attention to unexpected elements that have come up. As you look ahead to the day ahead, you may notice that your roles and goals provide you with natural priorities that maintain your inner
Sense of balance. This is a softer and more right-brain priority setting that ultimately arises from a realization of your personal mission. You may still find that the third generation ABCs or One Two Three priority setting is the order in which your daily tasks are needed. However, it is a false dichotomy that activities
Are either important or they are not important. They clearly follow a cyclical path and some important activities are more important than others. The third generation in the background of the weekly system Prioritization provides order to the daily vision, but if you do not know how the activities
Relate to the realization of your personal mission and how they fit into the balance of your life, then in such a situation, activities should be prioritized. Trying to cram things in isn’t effective. You may end up accomplishing things you don’t really want or need to do after setting priorities. Principle-Centered Quadrant to
Organize Your Week as a Manager Can you now see the difference between organizing your days as a person focused on doing and something else ? Are you beginning to realize that focusing on Quadrant Two is affecting your current level of influence? What a tremendous difference it
Can make . Having experienced the power of organizing principle-based Quarton Two in my own life and that of hundreds of others, I am convinced that it can make as much of a quantum positive difference as it does weekly. The more comprehensive the goals are tied to the right principles and personal mission statement,
The greater the impact spun. Once again we return to the language of computer. If the first habit says you are a programmer and the second habit says write your program then the third habit says run the program. Live according to the program
And living according to it is basically our self-reliant will. Discipline is an act of integrity and commitment. In this situation, we do not live according to our short-term goals, schedules or momentary impulses, but live according to the right principles and values of life which make our goals timely and life meaningful and
Relevant. As you go through your week, there will undoubtedly be times when your integrity will be tested. The popularity of responding to other people’s urgent but unimportant priorities in Quadrant Three, or the pleasure of escaping to Quadrant Two, appears to overshadow those important activities in Quadrant Two. However, your principle
Center of self-awareness and wisdom will provide you with adequate inner security, guidance and wisdom. These will also give you the strength to exercise your self-will power so that you maintain your integrity about the things that really matter. But since you Consciousness is not known, so you cannot always know in advance
What is truly important. No matter how carefully you organize your week, there will still be times when, as a principle-oriented person, you will find yourself paying more attention to a higher life than to your schedule. You will feel the need to give priority to value
Because you are principle centered so you can do this with an inner feeling of peace Once upon a time, one of my sons was deeply engaged in following the timetable and work efficiency. He had a very busy schedule, with every activity down to the minute, including
Picking up some books, washing his car, and dropping off his girlfriend Carol. Everything went according to schedule until it got to Carol. They had been dating for a while and he had finally come to the conclusion that the relationship was unlikely to work out so in keeping with his model of efficiency he
Had scheduled 15 minutes to talk to Carol on the telephone but Carol was deeply traumatized by this news. Even after an hour and a half, my son was engaged in a very emotional discussion with her. Even then, one meeting was not enough. This situation
Proved to be a very frustrating experience for both of them. Once again, I would like to say that you can’t think about efficiency with persons. You think about efficiency with persons and efficiency with objects. I don’t think about efficiency with anyone who disagrees or disagrees with me. I have
Tried to give 10 minutes of quality time to a child or an employee to solve a problem but ultimately I have found that this kind of efficiency creates new problems and Speed rarely cures anxiety. I have seen many parents, especially mothers of young children, who want to achieve a lot but
Often become frustrated. Remember that frustration stems from our expectations and our expectations are often a reflection of society rather than our own life values and priorities. But if the second habit is ingrained deep within your heart and mind, You are driven by higher life values
You can keep your schedule within those life values with integrity You can adapt You can be flexible when you can’t meet your schedule or You don’t feel guilty when you have to change it Fourth Generation Progress People resist using third generation time management tools for many reasons One of them is
That they lose spontaneity, become rigid and inflexible They put schedules over people because the efficiency paradigm of the third tier of management is inconsistent with the principle that people are more important than things. The fourth generation tool recognizes this principle . also recognizes that the first person you need to consider in
Terms of impact rather than efficiency is yourself. This allows you to spend time in Quadrant Two understanding your life and centering it on principles. Encourages you to articulate the goals and life values you want to drive your daily decisions Helps you balance your life Time of the Week Background Through organizing and scheduling
It helps you transcend the limitations of daily planning and when a higher life value conflicts with what you have planned it gives you the power to Use awareness and discretion, and remain committed to the principles and goals you consider most important. Instead of using a road map, you are using a compass.
The fourth generation of self-management exceeds the third generation in five important ways. What’s advanced: One, this theory focuses on Quadrant Two, rather than just paying lip service to it. It creates a central paradigm that empowers you to see your time in a truly important and impactful context. Two, it’s guided by wisdom. It
Gives you the opportunity. It allows you to organize your life to the best of your ability in alignment with your core values, but it also gives you the freedom to keep your schedule within your life’s core values while remaining calm. Three, it defines your unique mission or goals. four It
Helps you create a balanced life by identifying roles and setting weekly goals and activities for each important role five It Provides a broader context through a weekly system with daily adaptations as needed. It transcends the limited view of a single day and
Puts you in touch with your dynamic life roots through a review of your important roles, which can be applied in practical ways. These five progressions are threaded through the thread . That thread’s primary focus is on relationships and results . Its secondary focus is on time. Delegating work. Increasing P and PC.
Whatever we achieve, we achieve by delegating work or time. If we delegate time, we think in terms of work efficiency. If we delegate work to other people, we think in terms of impact. Many people refuse to delegate work to others. They feel that it requires too much time and effort and that they
Can do the work better themselves, but effectively delegating work to other people is perhaps the most powerful high leverage activity . After delegating responsibility, you can focus your energy on other high leverage activities. Delegating work means growth or development for individuals as well as for organizations. Late J.C. Penney said that the wisest
Decision he made was to leave. He took this decision when he realized that he could not handle everything alone. This decision taken long ago enabled him to grow and develop stores and thousands of individuals. Since delegating work involves other people, it is a public victory and
Can also be included in the fourth habit, but since we are focusing on personal management principles here and the ability to delegate work to others is the major difference between a manager and a self-reliant producer, I will focus on personal management ability. I am thinking about delegating work from the perspective
Of the producer who does what is necessary to achieve the desired outcome or golden eggs, the parent who cleans the dishes, the architect who makes the blueprints, or the secretary who types the letters, is the producer. But when Someone creates a system to produce golden eggs.
Works with and through people. That person then becomes a manager in the interdependent sense. He or she is the parental manager who has assigned a child to wash the dishes. An architect is a manager who heads a team of other architects. A
Secretary is an office manager who supervises other secret and office staff. A producer invests an hour of effort and if there is no loss in his work efficiency, He gets one unit result. On the other hand, a manager can invest one hour of effort and effectively
Can produce 100 units of results by delegating work The basic function of management is to turn the wheel and the key to effective management is to delegate work Gopher Delegation Delegation Meaning There are basically two types of delegation of work Gopher Delegation and
Stuart Ship Delegation Meaning of Gopher Delegation Go after this, go after that, do this, do that, and when the job is done, tell me. Most producers have a pad of gopher delegation. You remember the guys in the woods cleaning tools? They
Are producers. They roll up their sleeves and get the job done. Even if they are given the position of a supervisor or manager, they will still think like a producer. They do not know how to completely delegate a task to another person so that the
Person is committed to achieving the result. Because they focus on the methods, they become responsible for the results. I also once started doing gopher delegation. This was when our family went water skiing. My son, who is a very good skier, was skiing. and
I was driving the boat. I gave the camera to Sandra and asked her to take some pictures. At first I instructed Sandra to be more patient about taking pictures because we did not have much film left. Then I realized that she She was unfamiliar with the camera
, so I started explaining a little more clearly. I told her that before taking the photo, she should wait until the sun is in front of the boat and our son is jumping on the wave, turning or touching his elbow, but
The more I thought about her inexperience with the camera and limited film , the more concerned I became. I finally said, ‘Look Sandra, it ‘s okay to press the button only when I tell you to.’ And I screamed for the next few minutes, ‘Take a picture of this.
‘ Take a picture of this Don’t take a picture of this Don’t take a picture of this I was afraid that if I did not provide guidance at every moment the work would not be done properly This was gopher delegation in the true sense Monitoring the methods at every step Many people delegate
In this manner continuously But how much work does it actually get done and how many people is it possible to supervise or manage if you are monitoring their every move? A more effective and better way is to let other people do the work. This method of delegating tasks
Is based on the paradigm of understanding other people’s self-awareness, imagination, discretion, and self-reliant will. Stuart Ship Delegation Stuart Ship delegation focuses on results rather than methods. It gives people the option to choose the method and allows them to control the results. It takes more time initially but is a good investment
Stuart Ship Delegation allows you to get the wheels turning faster and increases your leverage Stuart Ship Delegation has five areas that are important in terms of expectations: There must be clear mutual understanding and commitment from the beginning in five areas Have a clear and mutual understanding of the desired outcome
Focus on the what rather than the how Focus on results rather than methods Take time Be patient Create a visual picture of the desired outcome Show it to the other person and describe it Prepare a quality statement of what the results
Will look like and when they will be achieved Guidelines Explain the boundaries within which the other person should work These boundaries should be minimal to avoid delegation of methods But if there are any strong restrictions, they must be included. You do not want the person to think that as long as
He achieves his goals, he has complete freedom and therefore breaks any old tradition or life value. Doing this kills the initiative and it sends people back to the gopher’s basics. You just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it if you know the paths to failure. So tell them
Be honest and open Tell the other person where the swamp is and where the wild animal is You don’t want to have to reinvent the wheel every day Let people learn from your or others’ mistakes Potential failure paths Point out what not to do but don’t tell them what to do
Leave them responsible for the results Let them do what needs to be done within the guidelines Resources Higher human, financial, technical or organizational resources Tell which ones can be used to achieve the desired results. Accountability can be done to determine the performance criteria that will be used to evaluate the results.
Also decide the timing of reports and evaluation. Also make it clear what good and bad things will happen as a result of the evaluation. This includes: These may include things such as financial rewards, psychological rewards, a different position or job, and
Natural consequences related to the overall mission of the organization. A few years ago, I had an interesting delegation experience with one of my sons. We were having a family meeting and we We had a mission statement posted on the wall to make sure our
Plans were in line with our life values. All family members were there. I hung up a big blackboard and wrote down our goals. The main things we wanted to do were connected to our goals. Tasks arose. Then I asked members to volunteer to take responsibility for doing those tasks. I asked who
Wanted to pay the house installment. I found that I was the only one who had the upper hand. Who wanted to pay for the insurance, the food, the cars, that’s it. It seemed as if I had a true monopoly on opportunities.
Who wants to feed the new baby? There was more interest shown here but only my wife was really qualified for this task as we went down the list considering one task after another. As we descended, it soon became clear that Mom and Dad
Were already working more than 60 hours a week. With this paradigm in mind, some other tasks fell into place. My 7-year-old son, Stephen, volunteered to do the work. I took the initiative to care for him before I actually handed him the job. I
Began his entire training process. I wanted to establish a clear picture in his mind of what a well-cared for lawn looks like so I took him to my neighbor’s. Said son, look how green and clean our neighbor’s lawn is,
This is our goal, green and clean, now look at your lawn, you are seeing mixed colors there, it is not like that, it is not green, we want it to be green and clean, now you make it green. How you do
It is up to you You’re free to do it any way you want Except paint it But let me tell you if I had it How would I do it How would you do it Daddy I fountain But you may
Want to use a bucket or a hose, it doesn’t matter to me, we just care that the color is green, okay okay daddy, now let ‘s talk about clean, son, clean This means that there should be no garbage, paper, rope, branches or anything else that makes the place look dirty.
Let me show you how to do this. Let’s clean half of our lawn right now and see the difference. After this we picked up two paper bags and cut one part of the lawn tightly and cleaned it.
Now look at this end and look at the other end. Do you see the difference? This is called a clean lawn. Wait, he said, tell me about that bush. A paper is visible behind, very good, I could not see that piece of newspaper lying behind the bush, your
Eyes are very sharp, son. Now before you decide whether you will do this work or not, let me tell you a few more things. Because when you take responsibility for this work, then I will not do it. This will be your work. This is called Stuart Ship.
Stuart Ship means entrusting the work with confidence. I trust you that you will do the job well. Now who will be your boss? Not you daddy, not me, your boss, you will be yourself, you will give orders to yourself. How do you feel when
Mommy and daddy ask you to work again and again, I don’t like it, daddy, we also don’t like doing this. Sometimes bad feelings arise don’t you so now you are your own boss now just think who is your helper who is daddy I am
But my time to help is limited many times I am out but when I am here I You tell me how I can help. Whatever you ask me to do, I will do. Okay, now just think about who will evaluate you. Which
Daddy, you will evaluate yourself. I will do it. Yes, twice a week, both of us will be alone. Walk around and you’ll tell me how the job is going. How will you evaluate? Green and clean. Perfect. I
Trained him for two weeks with those two words. Then somewhere along the way I realized that he was equipped to handle that job. He was ready, finally the big day has come, what a sure deal son!
What a sure job, what is green and clean green. He looked at our courtyard which looks better now. It had started, then he pointed towards the neighbor’s loan. What is the color of his loan? Is it clean?
No garbage. Who is the boss? I am myself. Who is the assistant? Who is you? Who will evaluate when you have time? I We walk around twice a week. Gay and I will let you know how the work is going and what our goal is Green and clean At the time I
Did not mention any experience but with a Stuart Ship like this I do not hesitate to add payment Two more weeks Two words I thought he was ready It was Saturday That day he did nothing Sunday Nothing Monday Nothing When I walked out on the porch to go to work on Tuesday I
Looked at my yellow and dirty lawn The hot sun was rising upwards, I thought surely he will do this work today. There was no question of Saturday because our agreement was made on that day. I could have justified Sunday also as Sunday
Was for other work but I couldn’t justify Monday and it was Tuesday and I was sure he would do it today, it was summer, what else was there to do, he had no patience for the whole day, I wanted to go back home and see.
What happened was when I turned the corner I saw the same scene I had left in the morning and my son was playing in the park across the road. There was no way this could be accepted after two weeks of training and so many promises. I
Was distraught and disillusioned after seeing this. We had worked so hard, had pride and money invested in the lawn, and I could see that it was all going to waste. Besides, my neighbor’s lawn was clean and beautiful. And our situation
Was now becoming embarrassing. I was ready to go back to the Gopher Delegation. Son, you come here and pick up this garbage right now, otherwise I knew that I could have got the golden egg by using that method, but the hen What about his internal commitment? So I smiled fakely and
Walked across the road and said, “Hello son, how are you?” He replied, “How’s your lawn work?” I knew the moment I said it, ” How’s everything going?” I broke our agreement. This wasn’t the accountability approach we agreed upon. We didn’t agree on this so she
Felt justified in breaking it. Okay, Daddy. I bit my tongue and waited until after dinner. Then I said, son, now let’s do what we agreed on. We’ll hang out on the lawn together and you can tell me
How things are going on your Stuart Ship. As we walked out the door, his chin trembled, his eyes I burst into tears and by the time we reached the middle of the lawn he was sobbing It’s so hard, daddy, it’s so hard I thought you haven’t done a single thing
But I knew what was hard Self-management, self-control So I Said is there anything I can help you with He asked Will you help me daddy What was our agreement You said you would help me when you have time I have time As soon as he heard this he ran
Home Went inside and while returning he had two bags in his hand. He handed me one bag. Will you pick up the garbage lying there? He pointed towards the garbage from Saturday night’s party and said, “This
Makes me very angry. I did whatever he did.” I did exactly what he asked me to do and that was when he sealed the deal in his heart. This was his lawn, his Stuart Ship. He only asked me for help two or three times that whole summer. He
Took good care of the lawn, my Stuart Ship. He kept the lawn greener and cleaner than I ever could. If his brothers and sisters left even a cigarette wrapper on the lawn, he reprimanded them. Faith is the highest form of human motivation. It
Brings out the best in people. But it takes time and patience and it also takes training and development of people to get their skills up to that level of trust. I believe that Stuart Ship delegation, if done right, can Both parties benefit and ultimately
Get a lot more done in a less time. I believe that a well organized family is one whose time is spent in effective delegation of tasks in which work is divided in such a way that everyone does his or her job. All the work can be done in one hour a day,
But it requires the internal capacity and desire not just to produce or work but also to manage. The focus of attention is not on work efficiency but Sure you can clean the room better than the child but the main thing is that you want to empower the child to do it.
It takes time. You have to engage in training and development. It takes time. This may seem like a valuable investment. In the long run, it will save you a lot of time. This strategy involves a whole new paradigm of delegation. As a result, it changes the nature of the relationship. Stuart
Becomes his own boss. and is governed by a conscience that includes a commitment to the desired outcomes determined by agreement. The creative energy of doing whatever is necessary in harmony with the right principles to achieve those desired outcomes also comes from Stuart Ship Delegation
. The principles contained in are true and can be applied to every kind of person or situation. With immature people you set fewer desired outcomes and provide more direction, provide more resources, have more discussions of accountability and expect immediate results. With more mature people you seek more challenging desired results give less direction
Reduce accountability discussions and set less measurable but more understandable standards Effective delegation is probably the best indicator of effective management because it is personal The key to effective management of yourself or others through Quadrant Two Paradigm Delegation is not in some technical tool or external element. It is internal. It
Is in the Quadrant Two Paradigm that empowers you to do what is necessary. View from a perspective of importance rather than When you work on developing the paradigm of Quadrant Two, you will increase your ability to organize and take action every week of your life. You will
Organize your week around your priorities and your words. You will live without being dependent on any other person or thing for the effective management of your life. Interestingly, all seven habits are in Quadrant Two. Each habit relates to fundamentally important things that if practiced regularly So they can make
A tremendous positive difference in our lives. Section Three Public Victory Paradigm of Interdependence There can be no friendship without trust and trust without integrity. It is said by Samal Johnson that before going into the field of public victory we must remember that Effective interdependence
Can only be built on the foundation of true self-reliance. Personal victory comes before public victory. Algebra comes before calculus. Now we look back and survey the field to determine where we stand. And how is where we are going related to where we are? When we do this, it
Becomes clear to us that we could not have got to where we are without following the same path that has brought us to this place in this field. There is no other way, there is no shortcut, there is no way to parachute into this field. The
Landscape before us is filled with the fragments of broken relationships of people who had tried to maintain relationships that were full of maturity and Strength of character was essential. Without it he tried to jump into effective relationships. But you can’t do that. You have to travel this path. You can’t be successful with
Other people unless you pay the price of success with yourself. A few years ago, I was doing a seminar on the Oregon coast. A man came up to me and said, ” You know, Stephen, to be honest, I don’t enjoy these seminars.” Hearing this, my entire attention focused on him
. He further said, look at everyone sitting here, look at this beautiful beach, look at the beauty of the sea and nature and I am just sitting here and worrying about how badly my wife will answer me on the phone at night. Whenever I go out of the house, she
Uses the third degree on me. Where did I have breakfast? Who else was there? Was I in a seminar all the time from morning to afternoon? When was lunch? What did I do during lunch? How I spent the afternoon, what I did for fun in the evening, who I
Was with and who we talked about, and what she really wants to know, she never asks clearly, in fact she wants to know about the person who lives with me. She wants to know the name so that she can call so that she can verify the truth of what I say. She
Keeps pestering me. Whenever I go out of the house, she asks hundreds of questions about whatever I do. This makes my whole experience fun. Gets gritty I don’t like it at all She looked very sad
After our discussion for a while she said something very interesting She said with a little hesitation I think she knows what questions to ask I I met her at a similar seminar when I was married to someone else. I thought about the hidden meaning in what she said
And then said, “You are kind of into a quick fix, aren’t you? ” Take a screwdriver and open your wife’s mind and immediately change her perspective and rewire it. He said in a fit of rage, “Of course I want her to change. In my opinion, she keeps troubling me like this.” Not ok
See friend I said you can’t just through discussion get out of the problems you have created by your behavior we are discussing here a very dramatic and very basic paradigm shift you individual techniques and You can try to sweeten your social behavior through skill, but it is also possible that
In this process, you may make your most important character base very small. Without roots, you cannot get fruits, this is the principle of sequence. Personal victory comes before public victory. Self-control and self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships
With others . Some people say that you have to like yourself before you can like someone else. I think this idea has merit, but If you do not know yourself, if you have no control or ownership over yourself, then it is impossible to like yourself, however , this can be done
Superficially for some time with the techniques of psychological encouragement. Real self-respect, control over yourself. From and comes true self-reliance, which is the focus of the first, second, and third habits Self-reliance is an achievement Interdependence can only be chosen by self-reliant people Unless we are willing to achieve true self-reliance, we
Will develop human relationship skills The effort is foolish. We can try and be successful to some extent when the sun is shining, but when difficult times come, and they will surely come, we do not have the foundation to stand on all these things. The most important thing in a
Relationship is not what we say or do but who we are on the inside, and if our words and actions arise from superficial techniques of human interaction rather than from our inner core, people will fall prey to this deception. We will not succeed in building and maintaining the foundation necessary for effective interdependence.
The techniques and skills that make a real difference in human relationships flow almost naturally from true self-reliant character. The place to do is within ourselves, in our own character, within our circle of influence, when we become self-reliant, that is, when we are proactive, focused on the right principles, driven
By the core of life, living with integrity around our life priorities. Only when we organize and act on those priorities can we choose to become interdependent can we be able to build rich, lasting and productive relationships with people. Looking ahead, we find
That we are a Interdependence is entering a whole new dimension. It opens up the possibility of deeper, richer and more meaningful relationships. It opens up the possibility of learning and growth through cumulatively increased productivity and contribution. But this is where we find ourselves We face the biggest obstacles
On the path to happiness and success. This is where we feel the most pain and frustration and we are very aware of that pain because it is very intense. Future Vision Leadership or We can often live for years with chronic pain that lacks management.
We feel markedly distressed and uncomfortable, and at least occasionally We take steps to get relief from this pain for a period of time. However, since this pain has become chronic, we become accustomed to it and learn to live with it.
But when we face problems in dealing with others, we feel that intense pain. We are very aware of pain. This pain becomes so intense that we want to get rid of it. Then we try to make this pain go away with fix solutions or techniques which
Are superficial treatments of personality based ethics. We are not If we understand that this intense pain has arisen from some deep and old problem and unless we stop treating the symptoms and start treating the problem, our efforts will only give us adverse results. This will
Only make our old pain last for some time. When we ‘re thinking about effective behavior with others, let’s go back to the definition of influence that we talked about earlier. We said that it’s a P-O-P-C balance and The basic concept of the story of the hen and
The golden egg is that in an interdependent situation the golden egg effect is spun. Amazing synergy is the result generated by open communication and positive behavior with others. To get these eggs we need to take care of the hen regularly. We need to build and care for the relationships
That made the results possible. So before we dive down from my survey point and into the fourth, fifth, and sixth habits, I’d like to introduce a concept of mine. Believe that this is a very powerful metaphor to describe relationships in an interdependent reality and to define P-O-P balance.
Emotional Bank Account We all know what a bank account is. We deposit money in it and create a corpus from which We can withdraw money when we need it. The emotional bank account is a metaphor. This account
Refers to the accumulated fund of trust in a relationship. This account gives you a feeling of security when you are with the other person. If I am with you, I will share my emotional When I deposit money in a bank account , by behaving with courtesy, kindness and honesty and
By keeping my promises to you, I increase the fund of trust. Your trust in me increases and I can use that trust many times when needed. I may make mistakes but the level of trust and emotional reserves will compensate for them. I may not be able to express myself clearly but still you
Will understand what I mean. You will not blame me for a word when the trust If the account is rich then communication is easy, quick and effective. But if I have a habit of being rude, insulting and belittling. If I have a habit of overreacting, ignoring or being arbitrary. If
I have a habit of breaking your trust and bullying you. Or do you have a habit of playing the role of a minor deity in your life? So eventually I withdraw more than what is deposited in my emotional bank account. The level of trust becomes very low.
How flexible can I be in this situation? Not at all. I ‘ll be walking in a dangerous area full of landmines . I ‘ll have to be very careful before I say anything. I’ll have to weigh every word. This is a city of tension. This is a port of written statements.
This is to protect my back. To use political tricks. Many organizations are full of this, many families are full of this, many marriages are full of this. If a big fund is not accumulated by continuously depositing the amounts of trust, then the marital relationship will start weakening.
A state of rich and easy understanding and communication. Instead, it becomes a situation of getting along with each other where two people try to live self-reliant lifestyles in a decent, respectful and tolerant way. This relationship can deteriorate further and become hostile and defensive
When the response is fight or flight. If so, then verbal wars take place, people leave the house, communication stops, emotional distance increases and an environment of constant sharing of one’s own pain is created, this ultimately creates an atmosphere of cold war at home. In this situation, marriage is only a matter of
Sex may be saved due to social pressure and image protection, or it may end up in an open battle in the courts, where ego-shattering, bitter legal cases of divorce drag on for years, with people constantly blaming their former spouses. Keep counting and that most intimate precious thing in this world
The light house is always in front of us. We can either run into it and destroy ourselves, or we can use it as a guiding light. It can be done in the form of : In our most constant relationships like marriage, we have the greatest need for constant accumulation of funds.
Due to constant expectations, the old corpus automatically keeps on depleting. Suppose you suddenly meet an old friend from high school who You can pick up your relationship with someone you haven’t seen in years where you left off because the previous deposits are still there but
People with whom you deal regularly will have a constant balance in the accounts. There is a greater need to invest. Many times, due to your daily activities or due to change in their feelings towards you, the amount automatically reduces without you
Even realizing it. This especially happens with teenage sons and daughters in the family . Suppose you have a teenage son and your typical conversation with him goes something like this: Clean your room, button up your shirt, turn down the volume of the deo,
Cut your hair, and don’t forget to throw out the trash. Long live this. If this trend continues, the amount to be withdrawn will be much more than the amount to be deposited. Now suppose this son is going to take some important decisions which
Will affect his entire life but the level of trust is so low and the process of communication is so limited. Mechanical and unsatisfying he will not be keen to ask you for advice You may have enough knowledge and wisdom to help him
But because you have withdrawn too much of what you have deposited into the account he may be short-term emotional He will make his own decisions from the perspective of others, which can have many negative consequences in the long run. You need a positive balance to communicate on these delicate issues.
What do you do? What happens if you start making deposits in the relationship ? You can find opportunities to show flow, such as bringing home a skateboarding magazine if he’s interested in skateboarding, or going over and offering to help him while he’s working on a project. Perhaps
You could include watching a movie with him or treating him to ice cream. Probably the most important contribution you can make is to simply listen to what he has to say, provided you do not judge, lecture, or try to read your autobiography into what he says
. Listen and try to understand. Let her feel that you care about her and accept her as a person. She may not react at all at first. She may be skeptical. What is daddy up to now? What
Technique is mom trying on me this time? But when actual deposits keep happening, they will start adding up and the amount deposited will start decreasing. Remember, the fix technique is a mirage. It takes time to build and improve relationships. It seems that if you lose patience with
Your teenage son because of his lack of action or his ingratitude, you end up with a huge withdrawal that can undo all the good work you have done for you. We have done so much for you. How can you be so ungrateful after all the sacrifices you’ve made?
We’re trying to do good for you and you’re acting like this. I can’t believe it. It’s hard to be patient. Be proactive. Focus on your circle of influence . It takes character to nurture and develop relationships. It
Is only when character is not there that you pull out the flowers and see how well the roots are growing. The reality is that no one can fix relationships. Building and Improving Is a Long-Term Investment [Music] Six Key Deposits I think there are six key deposits that enrich an emotional bank account Understand
The person Make a genuine effort to understand the other person Probably one of the most important deposits you can make This is the key to every other deposit. Unless you understand the other person, you never really know what
He or she considers a deposit. What you are considering as a deposit. Hanging out together to talk, get ice cream together. Going out to eat or working on a joint project may be that the other person is not considering it as a deposit. If what is a deposit in your eyes is
What is most important in life to one person may be the most worthless to another. If you have to make a deposit then what is most important to another person may be What is important to the person should be as important to you as that person is to you. Suppose you are
Working on a high-priority project when your 6-year-old comes and interrupts you about something that needs to be done. To recognize the value of the other person’s life and recommit to him, you need a second habit. Apart from this, you need a third habit of putting human priority above the schedule.
You also need to show understanding by acknowledging the importance of what he has to say, which becomes a big deposit [music] I have a friend whose son was very interested in baseball. My friend was a little interested in baseball. Wasn’t interested either, but once
He went with his son to watch all the Major League team games. The trip took six weeks and a lot of money, but it made their relationship stronger and deeper. On his return, my friend was asked if he liked baseball. No,
She replied, but I love my son so much. I have another friend who is a college professor. He had a very bad relationship with his young son. My friend’s entire life was basically educational and he felt He felt that his son
Was wasting his life by working with his hands instead of working hard to develop his brain. As a result, he was almost always after his son. In his moments of remorse, he kept trying to make a deposit. But there was no improvement in relations with him. The son
Saw his father’s efforts as rejection and no way of comparison and evaluation. Due to this, withdrawals were made instead of deposits. The relations were deteriorating and this was breaking the father’s heart. One day I told this principle to my friend that whatever is important to the other person
Should be made as important to you as that person is to you. This thing reached his heart. He made his son draw a wall of China around the house. This work took a lot of time and they
Both worked together for one and a half years. Because of this feeling of connection, the son overcame that difficult phase of his life and The desire to develop their minds increased but the real benefit to their relationship was that instead of bitterness it
Became a source of joy and strength for both father and son. We have a tendency to think based on our lives that What other people want or need We impose our intentions on the behavior of others. We
Interpret what is appropriate based on our own needs and desires, either now or as we go through life. If those people who were at the same age or stage do not recognize our efforts, our tendency is to think that our well-intentioned efforts have been rejected and then we give up.
The Golden Rule says Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. While on the surface it may just mean that you do unto them what you would have them do unto you , I think it has a deeper meaning. That you deeply understand
Others as unique individuals in the same way that you want to be understood , and then treat them based on that understanding, as one successful parent did in parenting advice. Treat them the same while treating them differently. Pay attention to the little things. Small kindnesses and courtesy
Are very important. Small rude acts or disrespectful words cause big differences. Small things become big things in relationships. I remember the incident of one night when I went out with my two sons a few years ago. It was a well-planned outing between father and sons, which included gymnastics, wrestling
Matches, hot dogs, cold drinks and a movie, everything was there, that is, complete fun, a movie. In the middle, Sean, who was 4 years old, fell asleep in his chair. His older brother Stephen, who was 6 years old, remained awake and we watched the entire movie together.
After the movie was over, I picked up Sean in my arms. and brought him to the car It was very cold that night, so I took off my coat and carefully wrapped it around Sean, covering him well.
When we got home, I immediately took Sean in my arms and went inside and laid him on the bed. Stephen I wore my pajamas, brushed my teeth, and lay down on the bed. I lay down next to her so I could talk to her about the evening out.
Stephen, how did you like it? She replied: Yes, I enjoyed it. What did she like the most? I don’t know, maybe Tapli, that was a wonderful thing, was n’t it? He was not reacting much. I found that I was being spoken to. I was surprised as to
Why Stephen was not talking openly, it was in his nature. It was because he usually talked openly when exciting things happened. This made me a little disappointed. I thought something was wrong. He was very quiet even when we returned home and were getting ready to sleep.
Suddenly Stephen turned on his side and looked at the wall. I was surprised why he did this so I looked up a little and looked at his face. Tears were welling up in his eyes. What’s wrong son? What’s the matter? He turned towards me. I could see
Tears coming and on his lips and eyes. Shivering and feeling a little embarrassed, Daddy, if I was feeling cold, would you wrap your coat around me too? That special evening we spent outside had many memorable events, but
The one that stood out to him as the most important was It was a small act of kindness, a momentary display of unconscious love for her younger brother. That experience was a powerful personal lesson for me then, and it still is today. People are very delicate and sensitive inside.
I don’t believe that age is a factor in this. Or experience makes a lot of difference. No matter how hard the outer shell may appear, there are delicate emotions and tender feelings of the heart. Keep promises. Keeping your promises is a major deposit. Not keeping them
Is a major deal. In fact, perhaps it is bigger than that. Withdrawal is not the case when you make an important promise to someone and then do not fulfill it. The next time you make a promise, he will not believe it either. People
Have a tendency to build castles of their hopes on the basis of promises. Especially when those promises are related to their basic livelihood. As a father, I have tried to follow the rule of never making a promise that I cannot keep, so I am very careful in making promises
And very rarely I make promises. Apart from this, while making promises, I consider the changing and emergency situations so that suddenly no such situation arises due to which I am not able to fulfill those promises. Sometimes, despite all my efforts, unexpected work comes up and Such a situation arises
That it seems foolish or impossible to fulfill a promise, but I respect that promise. I either fulfill it at any cost or explain the entire situation to the other person and request him to keep that promise. Free yourself from promises. I
Believe that if you make it a habit to always keep your promises, then you create bonds of trust that bridge the gap of understanding between you and your child. Later, when your child becomes someone like this, Want to do work that you don’t like
Because your maturity can see the consequences of it which the child cannot see then you can tell him this son if you do this then I promise you the result will be if the child has to obey your If you trust
Your promises over your words , he or she will take your advice . Make expectations clear. Just imagine how difficult it would be if you and your boss had different ideas about whose role it was to create your job description. You can ask
When will I get a detailed description of the work I have to do. Your boss can answer this. I have been waiting for so long for you to write down the details and bring them to me so that we can discuss.
I thought that my work would be It’s your role to do it. It’s not my role. Don’t you remember I told you on day one that how you do your job is entirely up to you. I thought you meant my job. The quality of the work depends on me But I
Don’t even know what my job really is Unclear expectations in the target area also weaken communication and trust I did exactly what you asked me to do and here it is that report I didn’t want the report you asked me to make. Your
Goal was not to analyze the problem and make a report on it, but to solve it. I thought my goal was to get complete information about the problem so that we could pass the work of solving it to someone else. How often do such discussions
Happen between us? You said no, you are wrong, I said this, you did not say that, you never said that I should do this. Remember, I said, I said in very clear words. You didn’t even mention it, but we agreed that almost all problems in relationships are
Rooted in conflicting or unclear expectations regarding roles and goals. The issue could be anything in the job. From who is responsible for what work to who feeds the fish in the house and takes out the garbage or
This is how you talk to your daughter about cleaning the room, no matter what the issue is, it is certain that unclear expectations will lead to misunderstandings, disappointments and There will be wills of trust. Many expectations are unspoken or implicit. They are not explicitly stated or declared
But people have those expectations in specific roles. For example, in marital life, husband and wife have certain expectations from each other. However, these Expectations are never discussed and sometimes even the person making the expectations is not aware of them but there are huge deposits involved in meeting them
And expecting them leads to delays so this is very important. That when you come into a new situation, get all the expectations out of the way and put them on the table. People evaluate each other on the basis of expectations and if they feel that their basic expectations
Are being neglected then the fund of trust gets reduced. Many negative situations arise because we assume that our expectations are clearly visible, others understand them clearly and their expectations are also the same as ours . Making it clear is a deposit. It
Requires a real investment of time and effort at the beginning of the journey but saves a lot of time and effort later on . If expectations are not clear and shared, people start getting emotionally entangled and small misunderstandings increase. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to make expectations clear. It seems
Easier to act as if there are no differences between us and hope that the situation What we need to do is confront those differences of opinion, try to agree on a common goal, and then work together to achieve it. Show personal integrity. Personal
Integrity builds trust, and it helps in many things. The key to all types of deposits is the lack of integrity. Almost every attempt to create a trust account can fail. If there is deceit in people then it is possible that they try to understand. Take
Care of small things. Keep your promises. Clear and meet expectations but still fail to build a fund of trust Integrity includes honesty but it goes beyond this. Honesty is telling the truth. In other words, it is making our words correspond to reality. Integrity is our reality and our words.
One of the most important ways to demonstrate integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present. By doing this we gain the trust of those who are present. When you defend those who are absent, you gain the trust of those who are present. Let’s achieve.
Suppose you and I were ever talking ill of our supervisor in private. Had the supervisor been present there, we would never have dared to say such a thing. Now if there are differences of opinion between you and me, then what?
You must be aware that I am talking bad about your weaknesses to someone else. This is the essence of deceit. Will this increase the sense of trust in my account with you? On the other hand, suppose you were criticizing the supervisor and I told you this. I said
That I agreed with some points of your criticism, after which I suggested that we both go directly to the supervisor and tell him effectively how the situation can be improved. Then you will know that if someone asks me What would I do if someone talks bad about you behind your back
? Let’s look at another example, let’s say in an effort to build a relationship with you, I I told you something that someone else had told me in confidence. Maybe I should say this, I really shouldn’t tell you this but since you are my friend, will trusting another person
Increase my trust with you? Or you will think that if you trust me and tell me something, then I will tell it to someone else. It may seem that by such deceit, you
Are depositing money into the account of your relationship with the other person, but in reality it is a joke because You are showing your lack of integrity. You may find the golden egg of momentary pleasure in humiliating someone or revealing confidential information, but in the process, you
Are strangling the hen and weakening the relationship that needs it. Provides continued happiness in long-term relationships. In reality, integrity is simply that you treat everyone with the same principles. When you do this, people will trust you. It may be that way in the beginning.
Don’t like the honest confrontation that can arise from this kind of attitude. It takes a lot of courage to face each other, so many people prefer to follow the path of resistance, showing off at others, criticizing them, breaking trust or holding back. It is always easy to take part in criticism
But after some time people will trust you and respect you if you are honest, fair and kind towards them. You care about them so much that you try to explain the situation face to face. It is said that being trusted is greater than being loved. I believe
That being trusted turns into being loved. When my son Joshua was very young, he often asked me deep questions about life . Even if I overreacted to someone else or was even a little impatient or cruel, he didn’t like it. He was so sensitive and honest
And our relationship was so good that he would look me straight in the eye and ask, “Daddy, do you love me ?” I love him, he felt that if I had any principle of life with someone else, then I would have the same with him. Integrity also means avoiding every such communication
Which involves deceit, betrayal and which is contrary to human dignity. One definition of a lie is that a lie is any kind of communication that has the intention to deceive, whether we communicate through words or behavior. If we have integrity, we
Cannot have the intention to deceive. When you withdraw, do so with a true heart. Apologized When we drain our emotional bank account, we should apologize and ask with a true heart. Big deposits are made with true words. I was wrong, I became cruel, I did not show you respect, I did not treat
You with dignity. I did and I am really sorry. I embarrassed you in front of your friends and I had no right to do that. Although I wanted to express myself to you, I should never have done that. I apologize with a true heart instead of poor Kii.
It takes a lot of strength of character to apologize immediately . To apologize, one must have ownership of oneself and a deep sense of the fundamental principles and security of one’s life. People who have very little inner security are those who They cannot do this and
Feel very insecure. They feel that doing this will make them look very weak and weak and they are afraid that other people will take advantage of their weakness. Their security is based on the opinions of others and they are very conscious about this. They are often worried about what others
Will think. Additionally, they usually feel that their actions were justified. They rationalize their mistakes by blaming them on the mistakes of others, and even if they apologize, it is superficial. There is a national saying that if you want to bow and salute, then bow down to the ground. Christian theology says that you
Should pay even with your last breath. To become a deposit, the apology should not only be sincere but it should also seem sincere to the other person [Music] Leo Rosky Has taught that only weak people are cruel, humility can be expected only from strong people.
One day in the afternoon, I was sitting in my office at home and writing. I was writing on the subject of patience. I was watching children running up and down in the hall. I could hear loud banging noises. I felt my own patience beginning to wane.
Suddenly my son David slammed the bathroom door. I felt like he was screaming at the top of his lungs, let me come in, let me come in. I ran out of my office and said in a very sharp voice, David, do you know
How much this is disturbing me? Do you know that concentrating on a subject? It is so difficult to concentrate and write creatively. Now you go to your room and stay there until you improve your behavior. He went into his room sadly and closed the door. When I turned around. I noticed another problem.
Children were playing football in the four feet wide corridor of the hall and one of them got elbowed in the mouth and was lying in the hall with blood flowing from his mouth. I came to know that David was there for him. Had gone to get a wet
Towel and that’s why the bathroom door was rattling but inside his sister Maria was taking bath so was not opening the door. That’s when I realized how badly I had analyzed the situation and overreacted . So I immediately went to apologize to David
As soon as I opened the door, the first sentence he said to me as soon as I left was I will not forgive you why son, why won’t you? I asked, I am telling you the truth son, I did not know that you were trying to help your brother. He replied because
You did the same thing last week too. In other words he was saying daddy you have overdone your account and you can’t talk your way out of that problem. Which you have created by your behavior. True forgiveness creates deposits. Repeated apologies that do not seem genuine are double and this is
Reflected in the quality of the relationship. Making a mistake is one thing and not accepting it is quite another . The thing is, people will forgive mistakes because mistakes are often related to the mind or judgment but people will not easily forgive mistakes of the heart, bad
Intentions, bad goals, arrogant attempts to hide the first mistake, proper deepening will not be easily forgiven. The Laws of Love and the Laws of Life When we make deposits of unconditional love When we live in accordance with the primary laws of love We
Encourage others to live in accordance with the primary laws of life In other words when we We help them feel secure in their core life values, identity and integrity. They feel secure, rational and strong in their natural development. We encourage them to truly love each other unconditionally. The rules of life
Make it easier for people to live in harmony with cooperation, self-discipline and integrity. We give them the freedom to behave according to their inner dictates rather than reacting to our conditions and restrictions. This does not mean that we set any limits.
Don’t set limits or become weak. That’s a big deal in itself. We advise, we insist, we set limits and consequences. But no matter what, we love when we ignore the elementary rules of love. When we attach conditions and strings to this gift, we actually
Cause others to violate the elementary rules of life. We force them into a reactive and defensive state where they feel the need to prove to you. I value being a self-reliant person while being independent. In reality, they are not self-reliant. They are counter-dependent, which is another form of dependency and
Is at the lowest end of the maturity spectrum. They become reactive, almost enemy-centric. They become more concerned about protecting their rights , more concerned about presenting evidence of their individuality, rather than proactively listening to and honoring their inner commands [music] Rebellion is not just the brain The knot of the heart
Is the key to untying it. Deposit of money is a continuous deposit of unconditional love. I had a friend from a very prestigious college. He had planned to get his son educated in that college and he had been saving money for it for years. But
When the time came, the child refused to study in that college, this made his father very worried. It would have been very beneficial for the son to graduate from that particular college, besides, it was also a family tradition for three generations before that
. The father insisted a lot and even tried to convince his son. He tried to listen to his son to understand him. He tried to listen to his son to understand him but all the while he
Kept hoping that the son would change his mind based on the subtle message being given and the conditions. Prem’s son felt that his father was not giving importance to him as a person and as a son. Instead, his
Desire to send him to that college was bigger and more important. This was very scary for the son, as a result, he He fought to preserve and maintain his identity and integrity. He increased his resolve and efforts to justify his decision not to go. After an intense process of introspection, the father
Decided to abdicate. He took this decision They knew that their son might choose against their wishes. However, he and his wife resolved to love their son unconditionally, no matter what his choice was, a very difficult task. The work was done because her good education was very important to them and also because they
Had planned it since the time of her birth and they had been saving money for it since then. The parents went through the very difficult process of rewriting the script. They unconditionally They made a genuine effort to understand the nature of love. They told their son
What they were doing and why they were doing it. They told him that they had reached the point where they could honestly say that he Their love will not be affected by the decision and they will continue to love him unconditionally. They did not do this to
Get him to do what they wanted or to try to improve him, but to allow a logical expansion of his growth and character. The son did not express any special reaction to this effort. However, his parents’ paradigm of unconditional love was so strong
That it did not make any difference in their love. After about a week, the son told the parents that he had She decided not to go to college. He was fully prepared for this reaction. Despite this, he continued to love her unconditionally. Everything calmed down
And life went on as usual. After some time, an interesting thing happened. Now Chuck The son didn’t feel like he had to defend his position, so he dug deep inside his heart and found that he really wanted to have that educational experience. He applied for admission and then told his father. This was
Told by the father who completely accepted his decision and once again demonstrated his unconditional love. My friend was happy but not excessively because he really learned to love unconditionally. [Music] It was before the joint union. General Secretary General Dag Hemmes Köld once made a very profound and far-sighted statement that it
Is a greater work to devote oneself completely to one person than to labor diligently for the liberation of the masses . This means that I can spend eight, 10 or 12 hours a day dealing with thousands of people and outside projects, five or seven days a week,
But I still have deep and meaningful conversations with my wife or my teenage son or my best friend at work. It takes more greatness of character, more humility, courage and strength to rebuild that one relationship than to put in so many hours for public and public interest purposes.
After 25 years of consulting organizations, I I have been impressed again and again by the power of the statement. Many of the problems in organizations arise from relationship difficulties at the top level. The basic problem can be found
Between two partners in a business company, between the owner and the president of the company, between the president and the executive vice president. It takes a really great character to face the real issues and solve them instead of working hard for a lot of projects and outside people . When I first
Read the Doug Hemmes Code statement, I was working in an organization. I was working where there were unclear expectations between me and the person who was my right hand man. I did not have the courage to face our differences. Our differences
Were in the area of role and goal expectations and life values. In particular , to avoid a potentially unpleasant conflict in our methods of administration, I worked for several months with a conciliatory approach. Bad feelings towards others kept on increasing.
After reading this, I was so deeply impressed that it is a greater work to devote oneself completely to one person rather than laboring diligently for the liberation of the masses . The idea of rebuilding the relationship became stronger.
I had to steel myself to face what was in front of me because I knew that it would be really difficult to discuss the issues openly and even more difficult to achieve deep shared understanding and commitment. I remember that I was actually trembling as I imagined that meeting.
The man looked very rigid. He was very set in his ways, he was always right in his own eyes, yet I needed his powers and abilities. I was afraid that meeting face to face would jeopardize the relationship and result in me losing those strengths and abilities. Then I mentally debated the anticipated meeting.
Instead of rehearsing what I was going to do or say, I ultimately focused on the principles. But I decided to persevere, only then did I find the courage and peace of mind to communicate and make the task of living accordingly easier. When we had a discussion, I was
Shocked to learn that he was also going through the same process. And he was impatient for this kind of discussion. He was not actually harsh or protective. However , our administrative styles were very different and the whole organization was reacting to these differences. We both recognized that our lack of unity was causing
Problems . After several meetings, we were able to discuss face to face the deeply buried issues. We brought those issues out on the table for discussion and with a high sense of mutual respect, we resolved them one by one. We came together as a powerful Succeeded in building complementary teams and
Developed deep personal affection that tremendously enhanced our ability to work together effectively . Much personal strength and courage needed to generate the unity needed to run an effective business or family or marriage. What is required is the technique of working hard for the common people. No amount of administrative pressure
Can make up for the lack of greatness of character in the development of relationships . This is the very basic one on one level in which we love. And we apply the basic rules of life to problems. This is the opportunity. This experience
Also taught me another powerful paradigm of interdependence. It has to do with the way we look at problems. For months I had been trying to avoid the problem. I was looking at it as a source of anger and a hindrance and wanted it to
Go away somehow, but as it turned out, it was because of that problem that I got the opportunity to build a deeper relationship that gave both of us a stronger relationship. Empowered to work together as a complementary team In my view , in an interdependent situation, every problem is an opportunity, every problem
Is an opportunity to increase the emotional bank account, which significantly impacts interdependent production . -When fathers see their children’s problems as opportunities to build relationships rather than as negative and burdensome nagging, this completely changes the nature of parent-child interactions. Parents are able to understand their children more deeply
And They become more interested, even excited, about helping. When the child comes to them with their problem they don’t think oh no not another problem instead their paradigm is this is another great opportunity when I Can truly help my child and invest in our relationship When children feel that their parents
Value their problems and value them as a person, the bond of love and trust grows stronger and Discussions change from transactional to transformational. This paradigm is also powerful in business. A department store chain running on this paradigm
Has created deep loyalty among its customers whenever a customer comes to the store with any kind of problem, no matter how big. Even if small, the clerk immediately sees the problem as an opportunity to build a relationship with the customer
, shows a positive desire to solve the problem, and responds so cheerfully that the customer is happy. Treated with respect Provide such extra service that many customers even think about going elsewhere If we recognize this, we can value our problems by seeing them as opportunities to pursue.
Habits of Interdependence The Paradigm of the Emotional Bank Account With this in mind we are now ready to enter into the habits of public victory i.e. successful working with others. We can see how these habits work together to produce effective interdependence. We also see We can also see at a deeper level
How strongly we have been scripted by other programs of thought and behavior. Effective interdependence can only be achieved by truly self-reliant people. Popular Win-Win Discussion Techniques It is impossible to achieve public victory through reflection, listening techniques or creative problem solving techniques because all these techniques focus only on personality and
Greatly shorten the most important character foundation. Let us now consider each type of public victory. Focus Deeply on the Habit [Music] The Fourth Habit Think Win-Win Principles of Transpersonal Leadership I was once called to work with a company whose president was very concerned about the lack of cooperation among his employees.
He told me Stephen Our basic problem is that the employees are selfish they do not cooperate in any way I know that if they cooperate with each other we can produce much more Can you prepare any program on human relations which will The problem should be solved. I asked, ” Is
Your problem your employees or your paradigm ?” A culture of low trust had been created due to the emotional bank account reaching negative state. But I further emphasized the earlier question. I told the President that we should look more deeply at why your employees do not cooperate
. What rewards do they get? They assured me that they do not get any rewards for not cooperating, however, if they cooperate, there are many rewards. Really, I asked. Behind the curtain on the wall of the President’s office, there was a chart
On it with several race results. The horses were lined up ready to run on the track. Each horse had the face of one of its managers plastered on its face. At the finish line there was a beautiful poster of Bermuda, showing a romantic scene on a white sand
Beach under blue sky and cotton-soft clouds. Couple walking hand in hand Once a week this man used to call all the employees in his office and talk to them about cooperation Let us all work together if we do this we will all earn more money Then
He curtain He used to remove it and show them the lick, now which of you will win the prize of Bermuda’s head, it was like asking one flower to grow and giving water to another flower, like saying that the bullets will keep firing until That
Morale does not improve. The President wanted cooperation. He wanted his employees to work together, exchange ideas and everyone would benefit from the collective effort, but he was making them compete with each other. Meaning of a Manager’s Success The failure of the other managers
Was the failure of the other managers. Like many of the problems people face in business, family and other relationships, this company’s problem was also the result of a faulty paradigm. The President was trying to get the results of cooperation from the paradigm of competition, and when that did not work, They
Wanted a technology program or quick-fix solution that would get their employees working together, but you can’t change the results without changing the roots. Working on attitudes and behavior is like pruning the leaves, so we focused on the roots. Focused We thought differently about developing individual and organizational excellence We
Developed information and reward systems that promoted the vital value of collaboration whether you were the company president or the gatekeeper to whatever role you held. You move from status- dependent self-reliance to interdependence. You move into a leadership role. You are in a position to influence other people, and
Effective interpersonal leadership is about thinking win-win. Win Six Paradigms of Human Behavior Win Win is not a technique, it is the entire philosophy of human behavior, in fact it is one of the six paradigms of behavior. The alternative paradigm is Win Lose Lose Win Lose Lose Win and Win Win or none
Win Win Win Win A state of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human behavior. Win Win means that the agreement or solution is mutually beneficial and satisfying. When the solution is a win win, all parties feel good about the decision. And are loyal to the work plan.
Winwin does not see life as a competitive field. Most of the people have a tendency to think in terms of duality. Strong or weak. Hard ball or soft ball. Win or lose. But in this This type of thinking is fundamentally flawed. It is based on power and position rather than principle. Win Win
Is based on the paradigm that there is enough for everyone and one person’s success does not mean another’s failure. Success does not come at the expense of others or them. Success is not achieved by keeping Win Win out of the box. Believe in the third option. This
Is not your way or my way. There is a better way. There is a higher way. An alternative to Win Lose Win Win is Win Lose, that is, the race to Bermuda. The paradigm says that if I win, you lose. Win Lose is a dictatorial leadership style.
I will win, you will lose. People with a win lose mentality use their position, power, or personality to win or achieve their goals. Most people are deeply scripted from birth into a Win Lose mentality. The first and most important force at work is the family. When one child
Is compared to another. When patience, understanding or love come into play in this comparison. When love is given or received based on expectations, people adopt a win-lose mentality. Whenever love is given on conditions or whenever love has to be earned, it
Sends a message to people that they are intrinsically valuable. Or unlovable Their value lies outside of them rather than within them Their value is compared to another person or expectation and based on conditions What happens to that little heart and mind that is extremely sensitive And
Is very dependent on the support and emotional support of their parents. The child is shaped and programmed with the mentality of not losing. If I become better than my brother, my parents will love me more. My parents. Father doesn’t love me as much as he loves my sister Maybe I’m
Not as valuable Another powerful means of scripting is the peer group The child seeks acceptance from his parents and then from his peers, whether they are siblings or Friends and we all know that partners can be very cruel at times. They often accept or reject people’s perfection based on
Whether they adhere to their expectations and norms or not. This leads to another Vin Luce script . Education World Makes Win Luce’s Script More Powerful Normal Distribution Curve The Normal Distribution Curve basically tells you that you got a grade because someone else got a C. It assesses the value of a student
By comparing him to other students. Internal There is no focus on value. Every student is defined by the outside world. It’s great to see you at our panel meeting. You should be really proud of your daughter Caroline. She is one of the top 10 students.
Good to hear but your son Johnny’s condition is bad, he is in the bottom 25 students. Is it really terrible? What can we say about this? This kind of comparative information doesn’t tell you that maybe Johnny is using all his eight cylinders. While Caroline is using only four of her eight cylinders, students
Do not get grades based on their ability or their complete use. They receive grades based on comparison with other students, and grades are based on social value. They are conductors, they open or close doors of opportunity. At the center of the educational process is not cooperation but competition. The truth is
That cooperation is usually combined with imitation. Another means of powerful programming is sports, especially for high school or college youth . They often develop a basic paradigm that life is about winning. There is a big game of loose where some people win and some people lose. Winning means
Defeating others in the playground. Law is another medium. We live in a society that loves lawsuits whenever people are in trouble. When we meet someone, the first thought that comes to our mind is that we should file a case against someone, drag him to the court and win by defeating someone else,
But defensive minds are neither creative nor cooperative; they certainly do not help us follow the law. It is necessary or else society will disintegrate. It protects but does not create this energy. At best it results in compromise. Law is based on the concept of antagonism.
Recently, a trend has developed in which lawyers and universities They are encouraged to focus on peaceful negotiations, win-win techniques and the use of private courts. This may not be the final solution but it certainly reflects a growing awareness of the problem of truly
Competitive and low trust. There is certainly a place for win lose thinking in situations but most of life is not a competition. We do not need to compete every day with our spouses, children, neighbors and friends. Who is winning in your marriage
Is a silly question. If both are not winning, both are losing. Most of life is not a self-sufficient reality but an interdependent reality. Most of the results you want depend on the mutual cooperation between you and others. And at heart, the
Mentality of the loser is the antithesis of cooperation. Lose wins. Some people are programmed to win loose, I lose, you win, go ahead, do whatever you want with me, step on me, everyone does the same, I am a loser, I
Always keep losing, I want peace, let there be peace. I am ready to do anything to keep it. Win or lose is worse than losing because it has no standards, no demands, no expectations, no future vision. People who have a win-lose mentality usually make others happy. Are quick to do or satisfy They
Seek power through popularity or acceptance They lack the courage to express their feelings and beliefs and are easily intimidated by the power of others’ egos Have a win-lose mentality in negotiations Is seen as surrender, either giving up or giving up. In leadership style, it is freedom
Or giving complete freedom. Winning or losing means being a good person even if the good person comes last in the race. Winning or losing. People with a losing mentality love people with a losing mentality because they can feed them. They like their weaknesses because they take advantage
Of them. These weaknesses complement their strengths. But the problem is that people with a losing mentality. We bury many of our emotions within ourselves and latent emotions never die, they remain buried alive and later come out in ugly ways. Psychosomatic
Diseases, especially health related nervous or circulatory system diseases, often result from that stored jealousy, deep despair. or are caused by disillusionment that was suppressed or buried by a win-lose mentality Disproportionate anger Overreaction to small things and blaming are other manifestations of repressed emotions
People constantly suppress their emotions which deprives emotions of meaning. They find that this adversely affects the quality of their self-esteem and ultimately the quality of their relationships with others. Win-lose and win-lose are both fragile situations rooted in personal insecurities. Defeat will yield greater results in less time because it often
Takes advantage of the key strengths and qualities of strong people. The win-defeat mentality is weak and bad from the start. Executive managers and parents swing like a pendulum. They keep swinging back and forth, one day they
Are on the win-win paradigm of not caring about others and on the next day they reach the win-win paradigm of giving complete freedom to others when they face the dilemma of system, direction, expectation and lack of discipline.
If they are unable to bear it any longer, they go in the direction of winning and losing. After some time, their guilt makes their resolve rare and they again go back to winning and losing until anger and frustration overwhelm them. Winning again does not push you towards defeat.
Defeat is loose. Lose when victory becomes defeat. Two people with the same mentality are face to face, that is, when two determined, stubborn and arrogant people interact with each other, the result will be defeat and defeat. Both will lose.
Both will want to take revenge and will want to strike back or equalize. They are blind to this fact. I know of one divorce case in which the judge ordered the husband to sell all his property and
Give half of the money to the ex-wife. Following this, the husband returned his 000 rupees. When the court clerk investigated the situation after the ex-wife protested, she found that the husband was also selling the rest of the property in a similar manner. They become so focused on the enemy,
So obsessed with someone else’s behavior, that they are blind to everything else. They only want that person to lose, even if they also lose in the effort. Defeat mentality is the philosophy of life of hostile struggle and war. Defeat is also the philosophy of life of a person who
Is too dependent on others and lacks inner guidance. The one who is unhappy thinks that every person has to be unhappy. If no one wins then maybe losing isn’t so bad. Win Win Another common option is to think only about your victory. People with a winning mindset don’t want anyone to lose, it
Doesn’t matter to them. What’s important is that they They get what they want. When there is no sense of opposition or competition, winning is perhaps the most common method in daily work. A person with a winning mentality thinks in terms of protecting his own interests and it is
His job to protect the interests of others. But that leaves which option is best? Till now we have considered five life philosophies i.e. Win Win Win Lose Lose Win Lose Lose and Win. Which one is the most effective? The answer is It depends. If your
Team wins the football match then This means that the other team loses. If you work in a regional office that is miles away from another regional office and both would not want to produce [music] if you value the relationship and the issue is not particularly important. You may want to use
Win-lose in some situations to provide real support to the other person . What I want is not as important to me as my relationship with you. Let ‘s do it your way this time . Even if you feel that the time and effort required to win would
Violate other higher life values, you may still choose to choose the path of winning and losing. Perhaps it is not as valuable. There are some situations in which you Want to have a win-win attitude and don’t care much about how it affects others. For example, if your child’s life is in danger, you
May be superficially concerned about other people and situations. But saving his life will be most important so the best option depends on the reality. The challenge is not to always follow the win-lose or any other script in every situation but to make the choice by understanding the reality accurately.
In fact, most of the situations are mutual. Dependents are part of reality and in them, instead of these five options, win-win is the only truly viable option. Win-lose is not practical because although I may appear to have won the encounter with you,
It does not affect your feelings towards me, your attitude and our relationship. There will be adverse effect. For example, if I am a supplier of your company and I win a particular deal on my own terms, then I
Can get what I want at that time, but will you come back to me if you do not give me business after that? So my short-term win will actually be a long-term loss, so an interdependent win-loss actually becomes a lose-lose in the long run.
If we follow the path of win-lose, you may feel like you are getting what you want, but you may not be able to work with us. And how would that affect my approach to getting the deal done? I might not be so eager to please you.
I might remember the old wounds of the war in any future negotiations. If I come in contact with other companies , then my view about you and your company will reach them. So we are both in a lose lose situation again. Lose lose is obviously not practical in any context and there is
No basis for a successful relationship if I focus on my own victory and don’t care about your perspective. In the long run, if we don’t both win, we will both lose, so in an interdependent reality, win-win is the only true option . I once worked for a client.
The president of a large chain of retail stores asked me to Said Stephen, this win-win idea sounds good but it is too idealistic. The difficult and realistic world of business does not work like this. People everywhere are following the path of win-win and if
You do not follow the rules of the game. If you play, you will not be successful. Okay, I said, try to have a win-lose mentality with your customers. Is this realistic? He replied, ‘No, why not? My customers will go away from me,
Then try Harjeet. He will destroy the profit of the store.’ Is this realistic? No, profit is not the objective. When we considered various options, win-win seemed to be the only realistic policy. We accepted that. I think it is realistic with customers but not with suppliers. I asked. You are the supplier’s customer, so
Why wouldn’t the same principle apply to you? He said, ‘Look, we had recently renegotiated our lease agreement with shopping drivers and owners. We had gone with a win-win approach. We were open and logical. We were there and we
Went with a spirit of compromise but they considered our position soft and weak and they pampered us. I asked why did you use ‘Haar Jeet’, we did not use ‘Haar Jeet’, we wanted ‘Jeet Jeet’. I thought you said that they washed you, they
Did the same, in other words, you lost, that’s right, and they won, that’s also right, so what would it be called when he realized that what he was calling a win was actually a win. There was a paradigm of victory and defeat, so it was deeply shocked and when
We examined the long-term impact of that victory and defeat, we found that under the essence of the relationship, suppressed emotions, crushed life roots and hatred were boiling. After analysis, both of us Agreed that in reality it was ultimately a lose-lose for both parties. If the person
Had truly taken a win-win approach, he or she would have taken more time in the communication process, listened to the shopping center owner a little longer, and expressed his or her point of view. Had he expressed it with a little more courage, he
Would have moved forward with a win-win spirit until a solution was found that was acceptable to both of them, and that solution, that third option, would have been synergistic, perhaps an idea that would have appealed to both of them. No one had previously thought of Win Win or No Deal. Win Win and
No Deal. If both of them had not found a synergistic solution, a solution that they both liked, they might have chosen a higher expression of Win Win Win Win Win or No Deal No deal basically means that if we cannot find a win-win solution, we choose to disagree in good faith.
There is no deal, there are no expectations, and no agreement is made regarding performance. Since It’s clear that our values or goals in life are at opposite ends so I don’t employ your services or we don’t work on any specific plans together. Realizing this early on rather than realizing it halfway through.
It’s better because then expectations have been created and both parties start to feel disillusioned. When you keep no deal as an option in your mind, you feel freer because you don’t have to manipulate or trick people.
You don’t have to make a strong effort to get your agenda met or get your expectations met. You can talk openly. You can actually make some effort to understand the deeper issues underlying the situation when no deal is an option. So you can honestly say, I just want to work for win-win, I
Want to win and I want you to win too. If you don’t like any solution then I don’t want to achieve my goals in that situation because after This conflict in me will eventually surface and there
Will be withdrawal in the relationship. On the other hand, I think you will also not like it if you achieve your goal but I lose in the process. So let us work together to win. Let us try to solve the situation from this perspective and if we
Cannot find a win-win solution then let us agree that we will not make the deal at all rather than making a decision that is not beneficial to both of us. It would be better not to make any deal, then perhaps we can work together some other time.
After some time of learning the concept of no win or no deal, the President of a small computer software company told me the following experience. We developed a new software. We had sold it to a bank on a 5 year contract. The
President of the bank was excited about it but the employees there were really not in favor of it. About a month later the bank president got transferred and the new president came to me and said I am worried about these software programs
I am facing a lot of problems all the employees are saying that they cannot work according to it and I really feel that at this time I cannot persuade them to do this my company is deeply I was facing financial problems. I knew that I
Had the legal right to enforce the contract but I was convinced of the importance of the win-win principle so I told her that we had a contact. Your bank has developed this software program. You have taken our products and services to use but we understand that you are
Not happy about it, so we would like to cancel the contract and also return your deposited money to you if in future you need to use any software. If you need a solution, please contact us. I literally
Walked away from a contract worth $84,000. It was like financial suicide. However, I realized that if this theory is correct, then the contract will come back to us and we will be profitable after three months. The new president called me and said I’m
Going to change the way we process data and I want to do business with you. He signed a contract worth 2400 USD. In the interdependent reality, anything less than win-win is inferior to the best. And the long-term impact this will have on the relationship
Requires careful consideration of the cost of that impact. If you cannot reach a true win-win, it is usually better to choose a no-deal, win-win, or no deal option. This mindset provides tremendous emotional freedom in family relationships. If family members
Can’t agree on a video that everyone will enjoy watching, they may decide to do something else instead of letting some people watch others. I have a friend whose family has been involved in group singing for many years. When she had small children she would compose music
And make costumes. She would take them to the piano and direct their performances. As the children grew up, their musical tastes began to change. They began to want more freedom in the presentation of programs and their costumes. They also did not particularly like their mother’s direction. My friend
Had years of experience and was familiar with the music of old people in rest homes. She had close knowledge of the needs where they were going to deliver the program so she did not feel that some of the ideas suggested by the children
Would be appropriate. However she recognized their need to express themselves and be part of the decision making process so she suggested a win-win or no deal. Used No She told them that she wanted to reach an agreement
That everyone felt good about otherwise they would have to find other ways to enjoy their talents As a result everyone felt free to express their feelings Win While discussing to reach a win-win agreement, they knew that there is no emotional bond whether they agree or not. Win-win or no-deal
Is the most realistic policy at the beginning of a business alliance or business, maybe in a long time. No deal should not be a viable option in an ongoing business relationship as this can lead to serious problems, especially in family or businesses that were started on the basis of friendship.
Many times people spend years together trying to secure the relationship. They keep making compromises, although they talk about win-win but in reality they keep thinking about win-win or lose-win. This creates serious problems for individuals and businesses especially when competitors are looking for win-win
And synergy. In the absence of such a deal, be working according to Businesses will go into decline and either fail or have to be handed over to professional managers. Experience shows that when setting up a family business or a business between friends it is often better
To have no deal at all. Be agreed upon in advance and some form of purchase or sale contract must be put in place to keep the business prosperous without permanently destroying the relationship. Obviously there are some relationships where
No deal is not a viable option. I wouldn’t want to leave my children or wife to fend for themselves, but in many cases it is possible to fully adopt a win-win or no-deal approach to business discussions, and this approach provides incredible freedom . Five Dimensions of Win-Win Thinking Win-Win
Is the habit of interpersonal leadership. It involves the use of all four unique human talents, i.e., self-awareness, imagination, discretion, and self-will in our relationships with others. It involves mutual learning, mutual influence, and mutual benefit. These mutual benefits are It takes a lot of courage and caring especially when we are
Dealing with people who are deeply scripted into a win-lose mentality. That’s why this habit includes the principles of interpersonal leadership. Effective Interpersonal Leadership Leadership requires vision, proactive initiative and safety, guidance, intelligence and power, all of which come from principle-centered personal leadership. The win-win principle is fundamental to the success of our business
And includes five interdependent dimensions of life. It starts with character and moves to relationships from which contracts flow. It is nurtured in an environment where structures and systems are based on the principle of win-win and require processes where we achieve win-win goals. Defeat or defeat cannot be achieved
Through the means of victory. Character victory is the foundation of victory and everything else is built on this foundation. Three character qualities are essential for the win-win paradigm. Integrity We have already said this while defining integrity. The first, second and third habits help us develop and maintain integrity
When we clearly identify our life values and proactively organize our actions around them on a daily basis. And when we do, we develop self-awareness and self-reliance by making meaningful promises and keeping them. We
Can never aim for victory in our lives if we do not know in a deep sense what victory lies in and what is really most important to us. What is the harmony of inner life values and if we are not able to keep the promises made to ourselves and others, then our promises
Become meaningless. We know this and others also know this, they understand the deception and Become defensive No foundation of trust is built and win-win remains a superficial technique Integrity is the lowest stone of the foundation Maturity is a balance between courage and caring If a person shares his feelings and
Beliefs with courage can express and have the balance of caring about the other person’s feelings and beliefs then he or she is mature especially when the issue is very important to both parties If you look at the many psychological tests that are used to measure people When hiring
Is done for promotion and training purposes, you will find that they are designed to evaluate similar types of maturity whether it be ego strength, metacognition, balance, self-confidence, respect for others, balance, caring for people, work Caring balance should be called in transactional analysis language I am okay you are okay or
In management grid language it should be called 9.1 1.9 5.5 9.9 Actually the quality that is sought is what I call a balance of courage and caring Respect for this quality Human Deeply embedded in behavior management and leadership theory, it is a profound embodiment of the P-O-P-C balance, where courage
Focuses on finding the golden eggs, while caring is concerned with the long-term well-being of others involved. The fundamental function of leadership is to raise the standard of living and quality of life for all involved. Many people think in binary terms in terms of either/or.
We think that if you are good then you are not harsh but the paradigm of win-win is good and harsh too. This win is twice harsher than defeat. To want win-win, you not only have to be good but you also have to be courageous. You not only have to be compassionate,
But you also have to be confident. You have to not only be fluent and sensitive, but you also have to be brave. Doing all this, that is, striking a balance between courage and caring, is the essence of real maturity. And victory
Is the root of victory. If I have more courage and less care, then I will think from the perspective of victory or defeat. I will become powerful and driven by ego. I will have the courage of my beliefs, but I will not care much about your beliefs.
My inner To compensate for my lack of maturity and emotional strength, I can borrow from my position and power, or my credentials, my seniority, or the power of my contacts. If I have more caring and less courage , I will think about winning or losing. I
Will care so much about your beliefs and desires that I will not have the courage to express or carry out my own beliefs and desires. Strong courage and flow are both essential to victory. The balance of this is the mark of true maturity. If If I
Have this balance, I can listen to you attentively, understand from the spiritual perspective, but I can also face each other with courage. Abundance Mindset The third essential quality of a win-win chart is the abundance mindset. This paradigm that There ‘s so much for everyone. Most people are deeply scripted into what I
Call a scarcity mentality. They’re genes believe that there’s only one cake out there and if someone gets a bigger piece of that cake, that means This is that there will be less left for everyone else. Deprivation mentality is the paradigm of life that if I get more,
You will get less. People with scarcity mentality have a lot of difficulty in praising others or giving them credit for their power or benefits. It is very difficult to give a share to others, even those who help in production . They find it very difficult to be truly happy at the successes of
Others, even their family members, close friends or colleagues . [Music] They almost feel that That if someone has received special honor or money or someone has got some success or achievement in writing, then that thing is being taken away from them,
Although they may express happiness with words on the success of others, but inside they feel pain in their heart. They get a sense of their worth or importance through comparison, so someone else’s success is, to some extent, their failure. Only a few students
Can qualify for a grade. Only one person can be number one. Meaning of winning. The only thing to be defeated is that people with scarcity mentality often keep hoping in their mind that some calamity will befall others, not a big calamity
But a small calamity that will put them in their place. They always keep comparing and always competing. They focus their energy on possessing things or other people in order to increase their value or importance. They want other people to
Follow the path they want them to follow. They often want to clone themselves and they Surround themselves with yes-men and women who won’t challenge them and are weaker than them People with a scarcity mentality find it difficult to be a member of a complementary team Disobedience and disloyalty to differences of opinion The
Abundance mindset, on the other hand, arises from a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. This paradigm believes that there is enough for everyone and there will still be plenty left. This paradigm results in prestige, praise, profit and judgment. Taking involves participation. It opens up possibilities, choices, and creativity. An
Abundance mindset takes the personal pleasure, satisfaction, and fulfillment of the first, second, and third habits and turns it outward toward an appreciation of the uniqueness of others, inner guidance, and proactive nature. It recognizes the unlimited possibilities for positive mutual development and the creation of new alternatives. Public victory
Is not about winning over others. It is about achieving success in effective behavior that produces beneficial results for everyone involved. Public victory is not about winning over others. It means working together, communicating and achieving results that the same people
Could not have achieved alone in a self-reliant manner, and public victory is the result of the abundance mindset paradigm. Integrity is the maturity and integrity of the abundance mindset character that applies the techniques in human behavior. Winning goes much further than having or not having a win-win mentality. It
Is possible for people with a win-win mentality to develop a win-win character. I have found that they will be greatly helped in this task if they connect with a model or mentor who has The mindset should truly be win-win. When people are deeply scripted into win-win or similar life philosophies and they
Come into regular contact with people of a similar mindset, they have the opportunity to witness the win-win life philosophy firsthand and There are not many opportunities to experience, that is why I read literature. We will find the real authenticity of charity and every kind of right principle in our own life
. Relationships are based on character and we build and maintain win-win relationships. Trust is the emotional bank. Account is the essence of win-win. Without trust we can compromise more and more. Without trust we lack the credibility to communicate openly as well as learning and true creativity. But if our emotional bank account
Is rich then the issue of credibility gets in the way. It doesn’t come There’s enough deposits made So you and I both know We respect each other deeply We focus on issues rather than personalities or positions Because we trust each other So we open up When we talk, we
Lay all our cards on the table. Although it may be that we see things in different ways, but I know that when I describe the young woman to you, you will listen to her with respect. Will be interested and you know that I will narrate your old lady’s description with equal respect.
We are both deeply determined to understand each other’s point of view. We are both committed to working together to achieve a third option or synergistic solution. What will be the better answer for both of us is that
A relationship in which the bank accounts are rich and that both parties are deeply committed to a win-win is the ideal springboard for tremendous synergy. This relationship neither cares about the reality nor the importance of the issues. It neither reduces nor eliminates differences of opinion, but it does eliminate the negative energy
That usually focuses on differences in personality and position. Instead, it creates a positive and collaborative energy that permeates the entire Focuses on understanding issues and resolving them in a mutually beneficial manner. But what if that kind of relationship doesn’t exist? What if you have to reach an agreement with someone who has
Never heard of win-win? Whether it happens or is deeply scripted into a win-lose or any other paradigm . Dealing with a person with a win-lose mentality is the true test of a person with a win-win mentality. A win-win situation is rarely easy in any situation.
It requires dealing with deep issues and fundamental differences, but it is much easier to do if both parties are aware of it, are committed to it, and the emotional bank account of their relationship is rich when you win and lose. Even if you’re dealing with someone who comes from a paradigm, relationship
Is key. You need to focus on your circle of influence. You deposit the emotional bank account through true courtesy, respect, appreciation and goodwill toward the other viewpoint. You stay in the communication process longer You listen more and more deeply You speak out with more courage You are not reactive You
Go deeper within yourself to gain the character strength to be proactive You keep at it until the other person understands that you really want a solution that is a real win for both of you. This process becomes a huge deposit in the emotional bank account.
The more you The stronger your character, the more honest your character, the higher your level of pro-activity, the more truly committed you are to win-win, the stronger will be your influence on the person in front of you. This is the real test of interpersonal leadership. It goes beyond transactional leadership.
Transformation becomes leadership and turns around the people and relationships involved. Jeet Chat is a principle that people can attest to in their own lives, so you can make most people realize that if they If instead of
Aiming at fulfilling the desires of both, then they will actually win, but still there will be some people who will be so deeply stuck in the mentality of win-win that they will not even be ready to think about win-win. In this situation, remember that
You always have the option of no deal, or sometimes you may want to consider one of the following forms of compromise: It is important to know that even if the emotional back account is rich, It is not necessary that all decisions should be based on win win. Once again the important thing
Is the relationship. For example you and I are working together and you come to me and say Stephen I know you will not like this decision. Decision I don’t even have time to explain everything to you, let alone make you a partner in it. There’s a good chance you’ll find this wrong,
But will you still support it if your emotional bank account with me is positive? If you are in that situation then obviously I will support it. I will hope that you will be proven right and I will be wrong. I will work hard to
Prove your decision right. But if the emotional bank account is empty and I am reactive then I will not really support it. I might say to your face that I’ll support but behind your back I won’t be too excited I won’t make the investment needed to make it successful I’ll say it
Didn’t work Now what do you want me to do if I’m too much If I’m reactive, I can ruin your decision and do my best to make everyone else do the same, or I can be maliciously obedient and just do what you
Asked of me without taking responsibility for the consequences. During my five years’ stay in Great Britain I saw the country twice brought to its knees because the train conductors had become so obscenely obedient they simply followed all the rules and instructions written down on paper as it is. If the character And
Contracts on paper mean little if there is no emotional foundation for the relationship. So we have to move from a genuine desire to invest in the relationship to the win-win that makes it possible . They give definition and direction to victory. They are sometimes called work contracts or partnership contracts.
In these, the paradigm of productive behavior is changed from standing to standing. Here, instead of monitoring others, the person monitors himself. Instead of standing in the middle, both people stand together as successful partners. Win-win contracts explain a wide range of interdependent behavior when we
Talked about delegation in the Green and Clean story in the chapter on the third habit. So we thought of an important application of this. The same five elements that we listed there are useful here as well. They create a win-win contract framework for people who need to
Relate to others to achieve their goals. It is needed whether it is the relationship between employees and employers, the relationship between self-reliant individuals working on a project, the relationship between a group of people working collaboratively on a common goal, or the relationship between companies and suppliers. These
Five elements create an effective way to clarify and manage the expectations between the people involved in an interdependent effort. The following five elements are made very clear [music] in a win-win contract. Results Identify what is to be done and when Guidelines specify the parameters within which the results are to be achieved
Resources specify the human, economic, technical or organizational support that is available to help achieve those results Accountability Setting standards of performance and also timing of evaluation, making clear the results, what will happen after evaluation, what good and bad results will be natural and logical. These five elements give life to win-win contracts
In these areas if there is clear mutual understanding from the beginning and If there is a contract then he Creates a yardstick against which people can measure their own success Traditional dictatorial style supervision is a win-lose paradigm It
Also results in a negative emotional bank account if you do not trust others or have little future vision of desired outcomes If it is not there then your tendency will be to stand at the head of the person coming in front of you and keep monitoring and
Giving instructions because there is no trust so you feel the need to control people but if the account of trust is rich then your method What happens is to get out of their way if you have a win win contract from the beginning and if they know very well what is
Expected of them then your role is to be their assistant and get their accountability reports. It is human spirit. A very excellent step is to let them make their own assessment rather than you evaluating them, and in a culture of high trust it is also more accurate. In many cases people
Know in their hearts that things are as they say they are on record. Having a good understanding is often more accurate than observation [MUSIC] Win Win Management Training Many years ago I was indirectly involved in a project advising a large banking institution with a lot of branches.
They wanted us to do their management training. Evaluate and improve the program, which had an annual budget of $705,000. The program selected college graduates and gave them two-week assignments in 12 different departments. They had to undergo training for six months. So that he could develop a general understanding of that industry,
He spent two weeks in the Commercial Loan department, two weeks in Industrial Loan, two weeks in Marketing, two weeks in Operations and similarly in other departments. After six months, he was made the Assistant Manager of a branch of the bank. Our job was to evaluate this six-month formal training period.
As soon as we started, we found that the hardest part of the job was to get a clear picture of the desired outcomes. We asked the top executives the hardest questions when they completed their training. The answers we received were vague and almost contradictory. The
Training program was about methods, not results, so we suggested they create a pilot training program based on a different paradigm called Learner Control . The instructions were said to be a win-win contract that included identifying clear goals and benchmarks that would indicate their accomplishment . It also outlined guidelines, resources, accountability, and
Outcomes to be achieved when goals were achieved. In this case, the outcome was an assistant manager. Had a promotion where they would put the principles of the training into practice and get a substantial raise. We
Had to really try hard to figure out the objectives. What do you expect them to learn about accounting? About marketing. Real estate. About Loans And we went down the list until we ended up with over 100 objectives which we reduced, simplified and organized until we
Were left with 39 clear and concise objectives with criteria attached to them. Opportunities and increased Because of Shailvi, the trainees were very eager and eager to meet these criteria as quickly as possible. This was a big win for them and it
Was also a big win for the company because they would have assistant branch managers who were working in 12 different So we explained to the trainees the difference between trainee controlled training and system controlled training. We basically said these are our objectives and criteria and we have the resources to achieve them.
This also includes learning from each other. Now you all get involved in this work. As soon as you fulfill these criteria, you will get promotion to the post of Assistant Manager. He completed the work in just three and a half weeks. Changing the paradigm of training. It unleashed incredible inspiration and creativity.
As is the case with many paradigm shifts, here too there was resistance; almost all the top executives could not believe it when they were shown proof that the criteria had been met. He basically said that these trainees do not have experience, they lack maturity and hence they
He wouldn’t have the kind of decision-making power that we wanted from him as an assistant branch manager. Plus for obvious reasons, including a budget of $50,000 for a six-month program, the personnel department was also distracted so we said okay, let’s do something. Develop more objectives and add criteria to them,
But this work will also be done through the paradigm of trainee controlled training. We came up with eight more objectives whose criteria were very stringent. We had kept the stringent criteria so that the executives could be satisfied that these people would join the branch. were sufficiently prepared to become assistant managers and
Could now move on to the latter part of the training program. Several executives commented after attending a few sessions of the process when these criteria were being developed. That if the trainees meet these rigorous criteria, they will be better prepared than those who went through a 6-month program.
We had already prepared the trainees to expect resistance. We presented them with additional objectives and criteria. Went and said as we expected the management wants you to achieve some additional objectives whose criteria are more stringent than before. This time they have assured us that if you
Fulfill these criteria then they will make you Assistant Branch Manager . Getting to work with incredible agility, he went to a group of people in departments like accounting and basically he said, Sir, I am a member of a new pilot program called Trainee Controlled Training and I understand that you have
Developed objectives and standards. I have six standards to meet in this department. I have met three of them through the skills I learned in college. One I learned from a book. The fifth one I learned from Tom who you
Trained last week. I now only have one criteria left that I need to meet. I was wondering if you or someone from your department would spend a few hours with me and show me how to do it. That way they took one department instead of two weeks. These trainees spent only half a
Day in the If you have the courage to examine your paradigm and focus on win-win, this kind of thinking can similarly influence every area of any organization when responsible, proactive and self-directed individuals are given the freedom to get things done. I am amazed at the results that happen to individuals and organizations.
Win-Win Work Contracts Creating win-win work contracts requires a significant paradigm shift. The focus is on results rather than methods. Most people always have a tendency to have monitoring methods. We use the gopher delegation described in the third habit, which is the kind of management method
I used with Sandra when I asked her to take pictures of her daughter water skiing. But win-win contracts focus on results and free up tremendous human potential. Create more synergy and in the process also focus on building PCs rather than solely focusing on P. Win-win accountability. But people evaluate themselves. The traditional
Evaluative games people play are clumsy and emotionally draining. In winning and winning, people evaluate themselves and do so using criteria that they have determined. Had helped myself. If you set the parameters properly, people can do this. In a win-win delegation agreement, even a one-year-old child can tell himself how well he
Is keeping the courtyard green and clean. University classes. I’ve gotten the best contracts in the U.S. when I set the goal early on with a shared understanding of win-win. What we’re trying to achieve is these are the
Basic requirements for an A, B or C grade. My goal is to get a grade. Let me help you achieve Now you think about what we have talked about, analyze and then decide for yourself what you want to achieve that is
Unique to you. Then we sit together and work on the grade you want. will try to agree Management philosopher and consultant Peter Drucker suggested that employee letters should use the manager’s name to capture the essence of work contracts between managers and their employees . Expectations, guidelines and resources
Are discussed in depth and detail between the employee and the manager so that they work in coordination with organizational goals . The employee then writes a letter to the manager summarizing the discussion. It also indicates that When will the next action plan be made or review discussion
Be held? Developing such a win-win work contract is a central activity of management. When such a contract is in place, employees can manage themselves within the scope of that contract. After this, the manager is at the forefront of the car race. They can act like a moving pace car. They
Can get things started and keep themselves out of the way. After that, their job will only be to clean up spills. When someone becomes the first assistant to each of his subordinates, he The span of control can be greatly expanded; all levels of administration and overhead can be eliminated; this type of manager
Can supervise 20, 30, 50 or even more people instead of six or eight. Win-win work contracts provide Results are the natural or logical consequences of that work performance. It does not happen that the manager can give rewards or punishments arbitrarily. Basically, there are four types of results which the management or parents
Can control. Economic, psychological, opportunity and responsibility. In economic results, Psychological consequences include praise , credit, respect, credibility, or the lack thereof. Psychological rewards are often more motivating than economic rewards unless people are struggling to survive. Includes training, development and benefits beyond salary Responsibilities relate
To scope and authority that can be increased or decreased Win-Win contracts make the outcomes in one or more areas clear and those involved make them clear at the outset You don’t play games. Everything is clear from the beginning. In addition to these logical and personal consequences, it is also important to clearly
Identify what the natural organizational consequences are. For example, what will happen if I arrive late to the office? If I refuse to collaborate with others, if I don’t create good win-win work agreements with my subordinates, if I don’t hold them accountable for desired results, or if I don’t advance their
Professional growth and career development. When my daughter turned 16, we made a win-win contract with her for the use of the family car. We agreed that she would follow the rules and keep the car clean and in good condition. We agreed that she would use it only for responsible purposes. She will only
Use the car and will act as a driver for her mother and me when needed and we also agreed that she will do all her work happily without being reminded. This was our win. We also agreed that I I would provide some resources,
Car gas and insurance and we agreed that she would meet with me once a week, usually on a Sunday afternoon. At this meeting we would evaluate how she was performing in line with the contract. The results were clear as long as she kept the contract. She
Can use the car if she doesn’t fulfill her part of the contract She’ll lose this right unless she decides to do so again Win-Win The contract sets clear expectations for both parties from the beginning. Granted it was a win for her because she could now use the car and
It was definitely a win for Sandra and me too because now she could handle her and to a lesser extent our transportation needs. We didn’t have to pay for the maintenance of the car or her There was no need to worry about cleanliness and we had an internal accountability which
Meant that I did not need to stand at his head or monitor his methods. His integrity, his discretion, his power of understanding and our prosperity. This contract worked very well because of the emotional bank account. We didn’t have to suffer the emotional stress of trying to monitor her every step of the way.
Also, if she wasn’t performing the way we wanted, we immediately punished or rewarded her. No We had a win win contract and it freed us all. Win win contracts are tremendously liberating but as a result of isolated techniques they will not last long even if you set them in the beginning.
But there is no way to maintain them without personal integrity and trusting relationships. The true win-win contract paradigm is the result of the character and relationships from which it develops. It is in this context that it defines and drives the interdependent behavior that requires This system has been created.
Win-win situation can be maintained in an organization only when the system supports it. If you talk about winning but reward winning and losing, then you will be left with a losing program. You basically get what you reward. If you want to achieve your goals and
Be a reflection of the life values of your mission statement then you have to keep your reward system in line with those goals and life values if it is planned properly. If you are not kept in line with them, then you will say one thing and do something else.
Your situation will be like that manager about whom I told earlier, who talked about cooperation but who promoted competition by organizing the Bermuda Sherry Contest. Worked for years with a very large real estate organization in the Midwest. My first experience with this organization
Was a large sales rally where over 800 sales associates gathered for the annual awards program. It was an inspiring and motivating event that featured high There was a school band and there was a lot of hustle and bustle and out of the 800 people gathered there, about 40
Got awards for top performance like highest sales, highest number, highest commission earned and highest list. There was a lot where awards were being given. There was excitement and noise, enthusiasm, joy and applause. There
Was no doubt that those 40 people had won, but behind this there was also an inner feeling that 760 people had lost. We immediately started educational and organizational development work so that the organization To align systems with a win-win paradigm, we included people at the lowest level to
Create systems that motivate them. We encouraged them to collaborate with each other and use synergy to achieve as much as possible. More than 1000 people achieved the desired results of their individually created work contracts. One year later, at the next rally
There were more than 1000 associates present and about 800 of them received awards. There were also some individual winners who were compared. Awards were given on a regular basis, but the awards program was originally focused on individuals who achieved self-chosen work goals rather than on groups that achieved team goals without artificially
Creating noise, applause, or psychological stimulation. There was no need to call out high school bands . There was a tremendous amount of natural interest and excitement as people could share in each other’s joy and teams of Sales associates could enjoy the rewards together, including a tour for the entire office.
What was remarkable was that almost all of the 800 people who received awards that year produced the same per capita output in terms of numbers and profits as the 40 awardees of the previous year. The number of chickens was significantly increased and in the process the chickens
Were also well nourished, freeing up tremendous human energy and talent. The resulting synergy was a wonderful experience for everyone involved. The importance of the competition in the market last year It is compared to the performance of the company or perhaps
Even compared to another office or person. Where there is no dependence on a particular person there is no need for cooperation, but for free entrepreneurship, mutual cooperation in the office is as important as competition in the market. The spirit of win-win cannot survive in the environment.
To make win-win successful, support of the system is required. Training system, planning system, communication system, budget system, information system, payment system, all the systems should be based on the principle of win-win. I have another Advised a company that wanted to provide human relations training to its employees
Based on the concept that the real problem was the employees. The president said, “You can go to any store you want.” Go and see for yourself how they treat you. They just take orders. They don’t know how to approach customers. They don’t know anything about the product.
Apart from that, they don’t have the knowledge and sales skills to connect the product with the customer’s need. I went to many of their stores and they were right but still I couldn’t find the answer to the question that was looming in my mind as to what had led to this kind
Of attitude. The President said, look, we are trying our best to deal with the problem. We have ordered the department heads to set a good example. We have told them that two-thirds of their work is selling and one-third is management and they have to sell more than the rest of the salesmen.
All we want from you is that you keep the salesmen clean. As soon as I heard these words, I saw a red flag. I said, let’s gather some more information. They did not like my suggestion. They knew what the problem was and wanted to start training, but I remained adamant and Within two
Days we discovered the real problem. Because of the definition of work and the pay system, the managers were eating the cream. They were standing behind the cash register and eating the cream of the entire business during slow customer times. Everyone knows that. In retail, half of the time
Is recession and the other half is full of hustle and bustle, hence the managers used to give all the poor work like control of stock list, stocking and cleaning to the salesmen and they themselves
Used to stand behind the registers and eat the cream, that is why the department heads used to do the work. Sales were at an all-time high. We changed the pay system. The problem was fixed overnight. We implemented a system in which managers would receive money only if their salesmen made money. We
Placed the needs and goals of managers below the needs and goals of salesmen. And the need for human relations training suddenly disappeared. The key to opening this lock was to develop a true win-win reward system. In another example I
Was working with a manager of a company that needed formal job evaluations in the company. He was frustrated with the evaluation rating he had given to one of his managers. He said he should have got the third grade but I had to give him the first grade which meant he
Was eligible for the best promotion. I asked then why did you give him the first grade? His answer was Because the statistics were in his favor then why do you think he should have got the third grade because he gets the statistics wrong and
Ignores people, he rides on their backs and gets ahead, he makes things difficult for everyone. It seems like he is completely focused on PC production and he is getting rewarded for it but if you talk to him about this problem, if you
Help him understand the importance of PC. Maybe there would be some benefit from this. He said that he had already tried this but to no avail. Suppose you make a win-win deal with him in which both of you agree that he will get only two-thirds of the P, i.e. based on the data.
Payment will be made and the remaining one third payment will be made on PC basis i.e. it will depend on how others see him, what kind of leader he is, how he contributes to the progress of the employees, what kind of team he builds
. He replied that he will definitely pay attention to it. Often the problem is not in the people, but in the system. If you put good people in a bad system, you will get bad results. You have to water the flowers that you want to grow
When people are really When they learn to think win-win, they can put systems in place to empower themselves to create it. They can transform unnecessary competitive situations into collaborative situations and have a powerful impact on their effectiveness by creating both P and PC . Executives in business can adapt their systems to
Create teams of highly productive people who can compete against external work standards; teachers in education can create grading systems based on student performance that are agreed upon in advance. Against the background of established norms, they can encourage students to cooperate so that they
Can help each other successfully learn and achieve goals. Parents in the family focus on cooperation rather than competition with each other. For example, in activities like bowling, they can keep the family school and They can try to get ahead of the score. They
Can set up household responsibilities with win-win contracts that eliminate the constant nagging and empower parents to do the things only they can do. A friend recommended a Bar told me about a cartoon he had seen in which two children were talking. One
Was saying that if mom doesn’t pick us up early, we will be late for school. These words strongly caught his attention when the family is responsible on the basis of win-win. But if they are not organized, similar problems arise. The win-win paradigm places the responsibility on the individual to achieve certain results
Within clear guidelines and available resources. It makes the individual accountable for evaluating work and results and Provides natural work outcomes and a win-win system Creates an environment that supports and empowers win-win work contracts Processes There is no way to achieve win-win goals through win-win or win-win means
You can’t say whether you like it or not. You have to think from a win-win mentality. So the question is how to arrive at a win-win solution. Harvard law professors Roger Fisher and William Ury have done some very remarkable work in that area. He has worked out what he
Calls principle based policy versus situation based method. He has discussed these strategies of negotiations in his very useful and informative book Getting to Yes. Although the words win-win have not been used but the spirit and implication of the book is The philosophy is in line with the win-win approach.
They suggest that the essence of principle-based negotiation is to separate the person from the problem, focus on interests rather than situations, find alternatives of mutual benefit and emphasize the goal criteria . In my work with various people and organizations seeking
Win-win solutions based on external criteria or principles that are acceptable to both parties, I recommend that they engage in the following four-pronged process: Look at a problem from the other party’s perspective. Make a genuine effort to understand and express needs and concerns 2 Describe the main issues and concerns involved
3 Determine what outcomes a fully acceptable solution will achieve 4 Identify potential new options to achieve those outcomes 5 And the sixth habit is directly related to two elements of this process that we will discuss in detail in the next two chapters. But
At this point I want to point out that the highly interpersonal nature of the win-win process is important as well as the essence of win-win. You can achieve win-win solutions only through win-win processes. Goals and means are the same. Win-win
Is not a personality technique. It is a complete paradigm of human behavior. This paradigm arises from a character with integrity, maturity and abundance mentality. It develops from relationships of high trust It is rooted in contracts that effectively clarify and manage expectations and achievement
It thrives in supportive systems and is achieved through a process that is more We are now ready to move on to the fifth and sixth habits for a thorough examination. Tips for Implementation Think about an upcoming discussion in which you are about to enter into a contract or
Discuss a solution. Use courage and caring. Resolve to maintain a balance between List the barriers that prevent you from using the win-win paradigm Decide what can be done within your circle of influence to eliminate some of these barriers Three One Choose a specific relationship where you
Would like to develop a win-win contract. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and clearly write down how you think the person would view the solution. Then list from your own perspective: Which outcomes will be wins for you? Approach the other person and
Ask if he or she is willing to communicate until you reach a point of agreement and a mutually beneficial solution. Four: Identify the three major relationships in your life. Give some clues as to how much money you think each of them has in their emotional bank accounts Write down some clear ways you
Can make deposits into each account Five Think deeply about your own scripting Is this a win-loss script? This is your scripting with other people. How does it influence behavior? Can you identify the main source of the script? Decide whether the script is benefiting you in your current reality.
Try to come up with a model of a win-win paradigm that works even in difficult situations. Make a genuine effort for mutual benefit Resolve that you will look more closely at that person’s example and learn it [music] The Fifth Habit Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood Suppose you
Are having a problem with your eyes and you You go to the eye doctor for help. After listening to your problem for some time, he takes off his glasses and hands them to you. He says, wear them. I have been wearing these glasses for 10 years and it
Has really benefited me. I have such glasses at home, you can take these glasses, you wear them but this makes the problem worse, you shout and say, this is terrible, I can’t see anything, he asks What ‘s wrong with you? It benefits me a lot. Try a little harder.
You insist that I am trying but everything seems blurry. What’s wrong with you? Think positively. Okay, positively. When you say I can’t see anything, it gives you a fight. Look, you are ungrateful. I have done so much to help you. Next time you need help,
What are the chances that you will see the same thing in your eyes? Will you go to the doctor? I can guess that there will not be much possibility of this. You will not have much faith in a doctor who does not identify the problem properly before suggesting the solution.
But in communication, how often do we identify the problem before suggesting the solution. Come here son tell me how you feel I know it’s difficult but I will try to understand Who knows mother you might think this is stupid Of course I won’t think so You can tell me son anyone
I don’t care about you as much as I do. I ‘m only interested in your well-being. I don’t know what’s making you so sad. Tell me son, what’s the matter? To be honest, I don’t like school anymore. Don’t you like school now? I guess what do you mean by this?
We have made so many sacrifices for your education. Education is the foundation of your future. If you work hard like your elder sister, you will get better marks and then you will also like school. We have taught you many times. -It has been explained to me that you settle your mind. You
Have the ability but you don’t make the effort to use it. Try a little harder. Develop a positive attitude about it. There is silence for a while. Now say further. Tell me why. How do you feel We have a tendency to move quickly and
Try to fix things by giving good advice but we often don’t take the time to identify the real problem. Understand the problem deeply. If I had to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle that I
Have learned in the field of interpersonal relationships, then that principle would be to first try to understand and then to be understood. This principle of effective interpersonal communication is The key to personal communication is character and communication. At this time you
Are reading the book written by me. Reading and writing both are forms of communication. Similarly speaking and listening are also forms of communication. Actually these are four basic types of communication. Just think about it and see that you How many hours a day do you spend in doing these four?
The ability to communicate well is very important for your influence. Communication is the most important skill in life. We spend most of our time in communication in the waking state, but just think about it . You’ve spent years learning how to read and write. You’ve spent years learning how to speak.
But what training or education have you received to learn to listen that gives you the ability to listen so well that you can truly understand the other person deeply? Comparatively few people have any kind of training in listening. Of those who do, most of their training has
Focused on personality-based ethics filled with techniques. It is the foundation of character and relationships. which is essential to truly understand the other person if you If you want to effectively discuss or influence me with your spouse, your children, your neighbor, your boss, your colleague, your friend,
Then first of all you have to understand me and you cannot do this with just techniques . If I feel that you are using some technique, then I will sense deceit and trickery in it, I will start wondering why you are doing this and
What is your purpose behind it and I will not feel safe enough to express my views openly in front of you. Let me say, the real key to your influence with me is your example or your actual behavior. Your example naturally
Arises from your character, that is, from the kind of person you really are. Your example does not arise from what other people think of you. What you say about me or what opinion you want me to have about you comes from my actual experience of you. Your character is always visible
And self-evident. I naturally start trusting or distrusting your efforts if your life is sometimes cold and sometimes hot, if you are sometimes harsh and sometimes kind and above all if your personal conduct does not match your public conduct, then for me I am
With you. It is very difficult to open up, so no matter how much I want or need your love and influence, I will never feel safe enough to express my thoughts, experiences and tender feelings to you. Who knows what your reaction will be? But unless I open up to you,
Unless you understand me and my unique situation and feelings, you won’t know how to advise me. What you say may be nice but it may have no direct bearing on me. There will be no relationship You can say that you care about me and value me I want to believe that so strongly
But unless you understand me how can you value me All I have is your words And I ca n’t believe the words I will not be impressed by your advice unless you are impressed by my uniqueness. So if you
Want to be truly effective in the habit of interpersonal communication, you cannot do it through technology alone. You have to develop the ability to listen empathetically. In addition, you will also have to enrich the emotional bank account that enables communication between hearts, a profound paradigm shift
From listening with compassion to trying to understand first. We usually want to be understood first. Most people listen not with the intent to understand, but with the intent to respond. They are either speaking or preparing to speak. They listen to everything. Filter through your own paradigm and
Read your autobiography in the lives of others O I know how you are feeling Same thing happened to me I tell you my experience They constantly make their home movies on other people’s behavior He keeps advising those with whom he discusses to wear his glasses. If he
Has any problem with any person, son, daughter, life partner or employee, his attitude is that he does not understand at all. Once a father said to me I can’t understand my son he doesn’t listen to me at all I replied I want to repeat what you said again
You can’t understand your son because he doesn’t listen to you he said that’s right me again Let me try I said You can’t understand your son because he doesn’t listen to you He replied impatiently Yes that’s what I said I suggested I used to think that
To understand another person you need to listen to him Oh He said, there was silence for a long time, when the light in his mind lit up, he said again, Oh yes, but I understand him, I know what situation he is going through, I myself
Have gone through the same situation, I am not able to understand this. I wonder why he doesn’t listen to me? This man had no idea what was really going on in his son’s mind. He searched in his mind and thought. That she saw the whole world out there, including her son. This
Happens to a lot of us. We are filled with our own autobiography. We are filled with our own rightness. We want to be understood. Our discussions become monologues and we never really understand what is going on inside the other person. When someone speaks, we usually
Listen at one of four levels. We may Ignore the other person i.e. don’t really listen to him at all. We can pretend to be a liar. Yes, okay, we can experiment with selective listening, i.e.
We listen to only some parts of the discussion. We often do this when When we listen to the constant babbling of a child under 4 years of age, or we can also use attentive listening in which we pay attention to the words being said and focus our energy on them, but
Very few of us are able to level listening which is the highest form of listening Empathic listening When I talk about empathetic listening I am not referring to active or reflective listening techniques which basically involve copying what the other person is saying. These types of listening techniques
Are based on competence and separated from character and relationships. They often offend the people being listened to in this way. It is also essentially autobiographical. If you use these techniques, you may You do not project your autobiography into the actual discussion, but your purpose when listening is autobiographical. You listen using reflective skills,
But you listen with the intention of responding, controlling, and making sense of yourself. When I listen empathetically, When I say listening, I mean listening with the intention of understanding. I mean trying to understand first. Really trying to understand. This is a completely different paradigm. Empathetic
Listening means getting within the frame of reference of the other person. You You see through his perception. You see the world the way he sees it. You understand his paradigm. You also understand how he feels. Empathy is not empathy. Empathy is a form of consent. A kind
Of It is evaluation and sometimes it is a more accurate feeling and reaction but often people become addicted to the dose of empathy, it makes them dependent. The essence of empathetic listening is not that you agree with someone, the
Essence of it is that That you understand the person completely and deeply, both emotionally and intellectually. Empathetic listening goes far beyond simply recording or reflecting on what is being said. Communication experts estimate that Only 10% of communication is actually through our spoken words, 30% of communication
Is through our sounds and 60% is through our body language. When listening empathetically, you hear with your ears, but more importantly, You also listen with your eyes and heart. You listen to the other person’s feelings to understand their true meaning. You
Listen to understand behavior. You use both the right and left sides of your brain. You feel. empathic listening is so powerful because it gives you accurate information to work from. Instead of imposing your own autobiography or
Imagining the other person’s thoughts, feelings, motives, and interpretation. Understand the reality of another person’s heart and mind. You listen to understand. You focus on receiving deeper messages from the other person’s soul. Also, empathic listening is the key to making a deposit in the emotional bank account because Any work done by you
Is not a deposit unless the other person considers it as a deposit. You may work so hard to make a deposit that your fingers become bones, but the other person will feel this withdrawal if he does not accept your efforts. Treat your partner’s behavior as a manipulative, selfish bully or a jerk
Because you haven’t understood what’s really important to him. Empathetic listening is a big deposit in the emotional bank account. It goes deep and heals. heals because it provides psychological relief to the person If all the air in the room you are in right now were suddenly sucked out,
What would happen to your interest in this book? You wouldn’t care about the book. You wouldn’t care about anything else except getting air. Survival is your only motivation. But when you have air, it does not motivate you. This is one of the biggest truths in the field of human motivation.
Satisfied needs do not motivate. Motivation comes only from those needs which are not fulfilled. Physically safe. The biggest need of a person after living is to be psychologically safe i.e. he should be supported, recognized and appreciated. When you listen to a person with empathy, you
Give him psychological comfort and when this important need is met. Once fulfilled, you can then focus on influencing or solving problems. This need for psychological air affects communication in every area of life. I once taught this concept at a seminar in Chicago. I told
Participants Told them to experiment with clairvoyant listening that evening. The next morning a man came up to me and he was scrambling to tell the news. He said, I want to tell you what happened last night. I was here at Commercial State in Chicago. I was trying to finalize a big deal. I
Met with the property owners and their attorneys. I also met with another real estate agent who had recently been involved with an alternative offer. It seemed like it The deal was about to slip away, I had been working on it for over six months and to be honest, all my eggs
Were in one basket. I was nervous. I did everything I could. I knocked on every door I could, I tried all the sales techniques I knew, the last option left for me was to ask them if we can postpone this decision for some time but it did not seem possible because
Things were moving fast and they were already very stretched with the negotiations going on for so long. It was clear that they were going to make a final decision about the deal very soon so I told myself I might as well try your advice. Why not try, why not apply the principle
That I have learned today, why not first try to understand and then to be understood, anyway, I have nothing to lose. I just said to that man, first I need to know this. Let me see if I really understand your position. Do I understand what your concerns are about my suggestions?
Once you feel that I understand them, we can see if my proposal is relevant. I really tried to put myself in his shoes. I tried to put into words his needs and concerns, and then he started opening up. The more I tried to explain the things he was worried about and
The results he was hoping for. The more he expressed, the more he opened up. Finally, in the middle of our discussion, he stood up, walked over to the phone, dialed his wife’s number, and placing his hand on the mouth piece, he
Said to me, “You’ve got the deal.” I was caught off guard. I am still amazed. She had made a huge deposit in the emotional bank account by giving the guy a psychological boost. Understand that all other things being equal, the human dimension is
More important than the technical dimension of the deal. It is difficult to first try to understand i.e. diagnose the disease before suggesting treatment. It is very easy for some time to hand over the glasses that have benefited you for so many years but in the long run it will prove costly.
Seriously undercuts both. You can’t achieve maximum interdependent output without a proper understanding of where other people are coming from . You can’t get interpersonal PCs or a rich emotional bank account. Empathetic listening is also risky. Going into a deep listening experience requires a lot of security because you open yourself up to influence.
You are vulnerable. It’s a paradox in a way that to influence you have to be influenced. This means that you have to truly understand. That’s why the first, second and third habits are so fundamental. They give you an immutable inner core. Provides a set of principles by which you
Can face overwhelming insecurities with peace and strength. Understand the problem before suggesting a solution. Although it is risky and difficult, trying to understand first or understand the problem before suggesting a solution is one such principle. This is clearly true in many areas of life. This is the mark of all true professionals
. It is very important for the ophthalmologist. It is very important for the doctor until you are confident that the doctor has understood the problem. Till then you will not have any faith in its medicines or solutions. When our daughter Janie
Was only two months old, she fell ill one Saturday. On that day, a football match was going on in our area in which almost everyone was deeply interested. There was an important match. About 6 thousand people were watching that match. Sandra and I also wanted to watch the match but we did
Not want to leave little Jenny alone. We were worried about her vomiting and diarrhea. The doctor also went to watch the match, he was our home doctor. When Janie’s condition worsened, we decided to seek the doctor’s help.
Sandra spoke to the doctor on the landline. From the sound of her voice, Sandra could tell that this was a crucial moment of the match. She quickly He said yes, what happened doctor, I am Mrs. Kavi, we are worried about our daughter Jenny. The doctor
Asked what is the condition, Sandra told the symptoms and the doctor said ok, I will tell you the medicine, you can take the medicine from some shop, hang up the phone. After Sandra realized that she
Had been in a hurry and had not been able to give complete information to the doctor, however, she felt that what she had told was enough. I asked her how do you think the doctor would know that Janie had recently been born. Sandra replied I’m sure
He would know but he is not our family doctor. He has never treated Janie before. I still think he would know. Do you really want to give her medicine until you are sure? Sandra became silent and finally she said what do we do now? I said call her again. Sarah
Replied you call her again and I did. The doctor was called out once again. I asked doctor when When you prescribed those medicines, did you know that Janie was only two months old? No, she said with surprise, “I did not know this. It’s good that you called again. I immediately change the medicines
If you are not confident in diagnosing the problem.” So you won’t even believe in the solution. This principle is also true in sales. The effective salesman first tries to understand the customer’s needs, concerns and situation. Nine Happy Salesmen Sell Products The professional salesman sells solutions to needs and problems.
This is a completely different approach. The professional salesman learns how to diagnose and understand problems. He also learns how to connect people’s needs to his product or service and if he feels that his product or service is not beneficial to the customer. If it happens, then it
Has the integrity or honesty to say that my product or service will not meet your need. Making a correct diagnosis before suggesting a treatment is also the core of law. A professional lawyer should understand the situation and the law and precedents before preparing a case. Gather facts to understand. A good lawyer
Writes the opposing lawyer’s case before writing his own case. This is also true in product designing. Can you imagine someone from a company saying this? Customer research etc. is nonsense . So the product should be designed directly. In other words,
Forget the buying habits and motives of the consumer. Design the product directly. This approach will never be successful. A good engineer will understand the forces and pressures at work before making a map of the total. A good teacher will A good student will understand before acting. A
Good parent will understand before evaluating or taking a decision. The key to good decision is understanding. If a person has already decided then he will never understand completely. Trying to understand first is a principle whose truth is clearly visible in all areas of life. It
Is a broad and common principle but in the field of interpersonal relationships it has the greatest power. Four Autobiographical Responses Because we listen autobiographically, our The trend reacts in one of four ways We evaluate, we either agree or disagree, we investigate, we ask questions according to our criteria of reference, we advise,
We give advice based on our experience, or we interpret . Interpret people based on motives and behavior and try to explain their motives and behavior. These reactions come naturally to us. We are deeply scripted in them. Models of these scripts are always around us, but How These
Reactions Really Affect Our Ability to Understand Let ‘s say I’m trying to communicate with my son, but if I start judging what he’s saying before I hear him fully, will he feel free enough ? Will he feel that he should open up to me? Am I
Psychoticizing him and how does he feel when I probe? Probing is like opening 20 questions. It’s autobiographical. It’s controlling and it’s aggressive. Logic is also complete and the language of logic
Is different from the language of emotions and feelings. You may play 20 questions the whole day but even after this you may not be able to understand what is important for the other person. Continuous investigation is one of the main reasons
For this. Due to this, parents are not able to get close to their children. How are you, son? Great, what’s happening these days, nothing, what’s exciting happened in school, nothing special, what are your plans for the weekend? I don’t know when he talks to his friends on the phone.
When he does this, you are not able to get him to put down the phone but in response to your questions he says only one or two words. Your house is an inn where he eats and sleeps but he never expresses his feelings, never opens up
And If you think about it honestly, you will understand his side. Every time he opens his weak vein and puts it in front of you, I told you earlier, with sentences like this and my autobiographical advice, you can heal that vein like a hati. We are
So deeply scripted into these reactions that we don’t even realize we are using them. I have taught this concept to thousands of people across the country. When we Predispositions play a role in listening situations and it is always a shock when people finally begin to hear their typical reactions.
However, when they understand how they usually react and learn that Trying to understand how to listen first turns out to be the most exciting and immediately implementable of the seven habits for many people. Let’s look at an example from a father and teen. A typical conversation between a son
Might be: Consider the father’s words in the context of the four different reactions we have just described: Daddy, I know there’s no point in going to school. What’s the matter, son? It’s completely impractical. I don’t like it. Not a single thing seems useful, son. You can’t see its benefits yet. When I
Was of your age, I too felt the same way. I remember, I used to consider some subjects as a waste of my time but later on, the same subjects became my favorite. Proved to be most helpful for me Just complete your education give it some time I
Have already given 10 years of my life to it Can you tell me how will X PWA be of use to me as an auto mechanic Maybe you are joking, no I am not joking, just look at my friend named Joe, he
Has left school, now he is working on repairing cars and he is earning a lot of money, this work is practical at this time. You may feel that way, but after a few years, your friend named Joe will think that he should have completed school.
You do not want to become an auto mechanic. If you want to prepare yourself for something better than that, then you should get education for it. I don’t know who’s work is going well. Look son, have you really tried? I’ve
Been studying in high school for 2 years. Of course I’ve tried. It’s a waste of time. It’s a very prestigious school. Son. Give them some credit. The other kids also feel the same way as me. Do you realize how much sacrifice your mother and I have made to get you here?
When you have come this far, you don’t drop your studies. I know you guys have made sacrifices, daddy, but education is not that valuable. Look, maybe if you spend more time doing your homework and sit less in front of the TV, see, daddy, it won’t help,
But let it be. I am in this. Nobody wants to talk about it anyway. Certainly his father had good intentions. Certainly he wanted to help. But did he really begin to understand? Let’s look more closely at the child,
Not just at his words but at his Also look at thoughts and feelings and see how Daddy ‘s autobiographical responses are affecting him. Daddy I know there’s no point in going to school, son. What I want to say here is I want to talk with you.
Your attention. I want to draw, what’s the matter son, here you show your interest and want to say that very good son, this is completely impractical, I don’t find a single thing useful in it, it means that the son is having problems with school
And his mood. It’s messed up son You just can’t see the benefits of it I used to feel the same way when I was your age Here son I’m thinking I didn’t want to talk about it I don’t really care about it That
He had to walk miles in the snow without shoes to go to school. I want to reach the root of my problem. I remember I used to consider some subjects as a waste of my time but later on, those subjects
Proved to be most helpful to me. Complete your education, give it some time, son, it’s like saying, time can’t solve my problem, I wish I could tell you this, I wish I could just throw it out, I’ve already given it 10 years of my life. Can you tell me
What kind of a car will I use as an auto mechanic? You’re probably kidding. This means that daddy wants to say that if I become an auto mechanic, he won’t like me. If I don’t finish school they won’t like me I have to justify what I say No I’m not kidding
Look at my friend named Joe He dropped out of school Now he fixes cars Now son _ _ He starts lecturing on the importance of education. You don’t want to be an auto mechanic. Son. How do you know this? Daddy, do you really know what I want from you
? If you want to prepare then you need education for this. I don’t know, Joe’s work is going well. Son, he wants to say that he is not a failure even after leaving school incomplete. Look son, did you really try? Hey son thinks we’re missing the point
If you would just listen I want to talk to you about something really important I’ve been in high school for 2 years Of course I’ve tried Time’s up This is a very prestigious school, son, give them something [music] Son thinks it’s great Now we’re talking credibility I wish I
Could talk about what I want to talk about Other kids are like me Realize son means I too have some credibility I am not a fool Do you realize how many sacrifices your mother and I have made to get you here Oh here begins the guilt trip Maybe I am the
Fool School is too much It’s great, mom and dad, it’s great. I’m the only one who is stupid. When you have come so far, you can’t leave your studies midway. I know you all have made sacrifices, daddy, but education is so valuable, isn’t it? You don’t understand. Look, maybe if you
Spend more time in doing your homework and sit less in front of the TV, the son thinks that this is not a problem. Daddy, this is not a problem at all. I will never be able to tell you.
I am the fool who I tried, look daddy, it won’t do any good, but let it be, I don’t want to talk about it anyway. Do you see how limited we are when we try to understand a person based on words alone? especially when we look through our glasses
Looking at him, are you able to see how much our autobiographical reactions limit our understanding of the person who is actually asking us to understand his autobiography? Unless you have pure desire, strength of personal character, positive emotional You will never be able to truly
Look inside another person and see the world from their perspective until you develop the skills of empathic listening and a bank account. Developing these skills is just the tip of the iceberg of empathic listening. It includes four stages of Keep it closed However, this is the first stage because
In this you at least listen to what is said. It is easy to imitate the words. You just listen to the words coming out of someone’s mouth and repeat them. You probably use your brain. Don’t do it either, Daddy, I know that there is
No point in going to school. Well, you know it. You think there is no point in going to school. You have basically repeated what was said. You have not evaluated, you have not investigated. You haven’t given advice or explained. At least you’ve shown that
You’re paying attention to what they’re saying, but you have to do more to understand. The second stage of empathetic listening is to take many of the things said as your own. Putting it into words is a little more effective but it is still
Limited to verbal communication. Daddy, I have learned that there is no use in going to school. You don’t want to go to school anymore. This time you have put its meaning into your own words. You’re thinking about something and most of your
Thinking comes from your left brain, the logical side of your brain. The third stage activates your right brain. You reflect the emotion. Daddy, I know I want to go to school. There’s no point. You ‘re feeling really frustrated. You’re not paying as much attention to what the person is saying
As you are to the feelings hidden in his words. The fourth stage includes both the second and third stages. You are paying attention to what the other person is saying. Put it into your own words and also reflect her feelings. Daddy I know there
‘s no point in going to school. You’re really frustrated about school. Frustration is emotion. School is material. You need to understand both sides of her communication. You’re Using Both Sides of Your Brain It’s incredible what happens when you use the fourth stage of empathic listening when you honestly try to understand when you
Put the material into your own sentences. You also help him clarify his thoughts and feelings. When he begins to believe that you really want to listen and understand, you can communicate his inner feelings and his outer feelings. The barrier between the two is removed, it
Opens the door of communication from soul to soul, then it does not happen that he is thinking or feeling something else but is saying something else, now he is trusting you so much. That she can share her tender feelings and thoughts with you. Darry, I know there’s
No point in going to school. I want to talk to you. I want to get your attention. You’re really frustrated about school. That’s exactly how I feel. I am . It’s completely impractical. I don’t find any of it useful. You mean school isn’t doing you any good. Let me
Think. Is that what I mean? Oh yes, I’m not learning anything there. Who can help me in future, I mean just look at my friend named Joe, he has left school, now he is working in repairing cars and he is earning a lot of money.
Do you think this work is practical? Who knows, I guess in a way he’s right. He’s really making money right now, but I bet he’ll be angry at himself in a few years. Do you think Joe will feel
That he He would feel the same way had he made a wrong decision so think about how much he is giving up I mean if you don’t have a good education you can’t do much in this world education is really important and
What if you don’t have a diploma if you can’t get jobs or you can’t go to college what are you going to do you have to have an education it’s important for your future absolutely and do you know I’m really worried listen you this You don’t want your mom to know about
This. You don’t really want your mom to know about this. But let it be, I think you can tell her, she will probably find out anyway. Look, I had a test today. It was a reading test. And daddy he said I’m
Reading at a fourth grade level While I’m a junior in high school What a difference real understanding can make if we’re not reaching real understanding The most well-intentioned advice in the world will not matter at all and if we remain entangled in our own autobiography and stuck in our own paradigm
And are not ready to take off our glasses for a while and look at the world from another perspective, then we will never reach the real problem. I think I will fail in the exam and if I fail in the exam then it would be better if I leave my studies
But I don’t want to leave my studies. You feel yourself at a crossroads. You are confused. What do you think? This dad turned a transactional opportunity into a transformational opportunity by first trying to figure out what should I do. Instead of superficial discussion and a low-key ‘get the job done’ level, he
Created a situation that turned him around. By putting aside his autobiography and trying to truly understand, he made a huge deposit in his emotional bank account, because of which he gave this power to his son. That he should open up his heart layer by layer
And talk about the real issue. Now the father and son are not sitting at different ends of the table against each other. Now they are sitting together on the same side of the table and solving the problem. We see the son opening his father’s autobiography and asking for advice.
However, when the father starts giving advice, he needs to be sensitive to his son’s words. As long as the response is logical, the father is asking questions effectively. Can give advice but as soon as the response becomes emotional it should come back to empathetic listening. Look I think you
Might consider some things like getting specific help with your reading. Perhaps there is some kind of course running in the school, I have already found out about it. It will take two nights and the whole day of Saturday. It will take a lot of time.
As soon as the father realizes the feeling in this answer, he comes to the realization that the price It’s too much, besides, Daddy, I’ve told the sixth graders that I’ll be their coach. You don’t want to leave them. But let me tell you, Daddy,
If I really thought there was any benefit to cursing, I would go there every night. I would have agreed to take it, I would have found someone else to coach those kids. You really want help but you doubt whether the course will really make a difference. Daddy,
How much of a difference do you think it can make, son? Open up once again. And the logic is complete. Once again he is opening up his father’s autobiography. Now his father has another chance to influence and change him. There are times when a turnaround
Does not require outside counsel. Often when people When they are given the opportunity to talk openly , they open up about their problems and in the process, they start seeing the solution clearly, but sometimes they really
Need someone else’s perspective and help. The key to this is really wanting the well-being of that person, his or her point of view. Listening empathetically and allowing the person to come to the problem and solution at her own pace and time is
Like peeling back layers of an onion until you get to the soft core. When people are really hurting and when you want to understand. If you listen with pure willingness, you will be surprised to see how quickly they open up. They want to open up.
Children have a very strong desire to open up. They are more willing to open up to their parents than to their peers. And They will do this only if they feel that their parents will love them unconditionally and will then
Be loyal to them and will not judge them or make fun of them. If you try to really understand without any hypocrisy and deceit. There will be times when you You will be astounded by the words and the pure knowledge and understanding flowing from the other person to you
. It is not always necessary to have a conversation with a soulmate. In fact, sometimes words become an obstacle in your path. This is a very The important reason is that technology alone will not suffice. This kind of understanding becomes beyond the reach of technology. Technology alone becomes a hindrance in the way.
I mentioned the ability to listen empathetically because the ability is the basis of any habit. An important part is that we need abilities, but let me repeat that abilities will not be effective unless they arise from an honest desire to understand . If you’re dealing with people close to you
, it might help to let them know what you’re doing. I read this book about listening and empathy. While reading it, I thought about my relationship with you. I realized that I Didn’t listen the way I should have but I want to listen It’s
Hard for me I may mess it up sometimes but I’m gonna work at it I really care about you and I want to understand I hope you will help me. Explaining your purpose thoroughly is a big deposit but if you are not honest then I
Won’t even try it. This can lead to an openness and vulnerability that will hurt you later. The other person will know that you didn’t really care, that you didn’t really want to listen, and in the process you left them feeling vulnerable and hurt. The tip of the iceberg
Should rest on a strong foundation of character. There are some people like that. Those who will oppose will say that it takes a lot of time to listen empathetically. It may take a little more time in the beginning but it will save a lot of time later. If you are a doctor
And want to write an intelligent essay, then the best thing you can do is this. You can make an accurate diagnosis i.e. understand the disease completely. You can’t say I’m in a hurry, I
Don’t have time to understand the disease properly, just take this medicine. I remember once I was in Hawaii. I was writing in a room on the northern sea coast. There was a light breeze blowing, so I opened two windows to cool the room, one on the front and the other
On the corner. I placed a lot of pages of the chapters I had written on a big table. Suddenly the wind became stronger and the papers started flying. I remember I was in a panic because now the papers were turned upside down. The papers were not numbered and
I started running here and there in the room to collect them quickly. Finally I realized. It occurred to me that I would be better off taking 10 seconds and closing a window. Listening empathetically takes time, but it doesn’t take as much time as it does to go back miles
And clear up misunderstandings. Same thing again. It takes a lot more time to work through the consequences of living with latent and unresolved problems and not giving people psychological vent. The clairvoyant empath and the perfect listener can quickly understand
What is happening deep within. She is so understanding and supportive. can demonstrate that people feel safe opening up layers of their hearts as long as they get to that tender inner core where the problem really lies [music] People want to be understood and
So Whatever investment of time is required to do this, you get a lot of time in return. It requires you to work with an accurate understanding of the problems and issues. It requires you to work on building a rich emotional bank account that It is enriching when a person feels fully understood. Understanding
And Feeling When you learn to listen deeply to others, you will notice tremendous differences in feeling when people try to work together in interdependent situations. If you do this, you will start appreciating the effects of these differences.
You see the young woman and I see the old woman and we can both be right. You see the world through a life partner centric lens. I see this as a wealth of financial worries. From a focused perspective, you may
Be scripted in an abundance mindset. I may be scripted in a scarcity mindset. Very imaginative and holistic I can approach problems with a right brain paradigm I can be completely left brain very systematic, analytical and assertive in my approach to problems
Our perceptions can be very different and Yet we both have lived with our own paradigms for years, accepting them as facts and questioning the character or mental capacity of anyone who cannot see the facts . Now we, with all our differences, We are trying to work together,
In a marriage, in a job, in a community service project. We are trying to manage resources together and achieve results. So how do we do this? How do we do this based on our personal feelings? The answer is the fifth habit. This is the first step in the win-win process, even
If the other person is from that paradigm. Even if you don’t understand, try to understand first. This principle worked very powerfully for one executive who related this experience to me. I was working in a small company that was in
Negotiations with a large nationalized banking institution. The bank’s lawyer came from San Francisco, their negotiator came from Ohio and the presidents of two of their big banks. A team of eight people in all came to discuss. The company I worked for had the goal of win-win or no deal. Our company wanted to
Significantly increase the level of service and costs, but we were almost defeated by the demands of this big bank. The President of our company sat down at the discussion table and said, we want you to Write down the type of deal you want so we can make sure we
Understand your needs and concerns. We will respond to those needs and concerns once we understand them. We can then discuss pricing. The team members were amazed. They were surprised that they were getting a chance to write the agreement. It took them three days to draft it. When they presented the agreement,
Our president said, ‘Now let’s make sure we get what you want.’ They understood it, and then they began reading Samjho, putting the material into their own words, and reflecting on the sentiment. They did this until they and the bankers were confident that they understood the issues completely. What was important to the bank
? Yes, that’s right. No, that’s not what we meant here. Yes, now you understand. Once he fully understood the bank’s point of view, he started to express some concerns from his own point of view and The bankers listened to him. They were ready to listen. They were not struggling for air. What
Had started as a very formal low-trust and almost hostile environment turned into an environment fertile for energy. End of discussion The bank team members basically said we want to work with you we want to make this deal you just tell us what the price is and we
‘ll sign then try to understand first try to understand then Knowing how to get others to understand is the second part of the fifth habit and is equally important for reaching win-win solutions. Earlier we defined maturity as a balance of courage and caring. It takes caring.
It takes courage to try to be understood. To win, both must be present in abundance. Therefore, in interdependent situations, it becomes important for us to be understood. The ancient unanimity is three sequentially arranged words. I suggest that these three words capture the essence of first trying to understand and giving an effective presentation.
Thos is your personal credibility. It is people’s confidence in your integrity and efficiency. It is that trust. It’s what you’ve inspired and earned. It’s your emotional bank account. Path is the paranoid side. It’s emotion. It means you feel in tune with the emotional intensity of the other person’s communication.
Logas is the logic of presentation. The full side is on the order. Pay attention to thos path logas first your character then your relationships and Then the logic of your presentation. This represents another major paradigm shift.
Most people, while giving a presentation, go straight to the logic of their ideas. On the logic of the left brain, they convince people without considering the ‘thos’ (belief) and ‘path’ (emotion). An acquaintance of mine was very frustrated. The reason was that his boss was stuck in a situation
That he thought was the wrong style of leadership. He asked me why they don’t do anything about it. I have talked to him about this, he knows about it but he doesn’t do anything then why don’t you prepare an effective presentation I did he replied How do you
Define effective when the salesman can’t sell So who do they send to train? What does influencer mean to the client? What does it mean to work successfully? Did you create the change you wanted? Did you build relationships in the process? What are the results of your presentation
[music ] I told you that they did not do anything about it, they were not ready to listen, then prepare an effective presentation. You have to be empathetic towards their ideas, you have to get inside their mental perspective, you have to make your
Suggestion simple. You have to give it more graphically and you have to describe their side’s options in a better way than theirs. This will require you to do some homework. Are you willing to do all this? He asked why should I work so hard? In other words, you want You want to
Change your entire leadership style but you don’t want to change the way you present yourself He replied I think so I said Well then smile about it and learn to live with it He said I can’t live with it I may have to compromise my integrity because of this. Okay, then
Get down to working hard on an effective presentation. It’s in your circle of influence. Ultimately, he didn’t do it. He found the investment too much. Another acquaintance of mine was a professor in the university and He was willing to pay this price.
He came to me one day and said, Stephen, I have not even been able to get through the first round of funding for my research because my research is not really in the mainstream of the department’s interests. Something about his situation. After a long discussion
, I suggested that they prepare an effective presentation using Theos Path and Logas. I know that you are honest and that the research you want to do will be of great benefit to whatever option they are in favor of. Describe it even better than them Show that you understand them deeply Then
Carefully explain the reasoning behind your request They said I’ll try Do you want to practice it with me I asked They were interested so we did their presentation When he went to hand in his copy of the rehearsal, he began by saying, “First, I would like to make sure that I
Understand your objectives and your concerns about my suggestion. ” Demonstrating his deep understanding and respect for his viewpoint, when he was in the middle of his presentation, a senior professor looked at the other professor, shook his head and
Told my friend that you have got your money’s worth when you present your ideas. If you present them clearly, graphically and most importantly in the right context with a deep understanding of their paradigm and concerns , the credibility of your ideas increases significantly. You are not trapped in your own stuff. Fifth _
_ _ Habit gives you greater accuracy and integrity in your presentation and people recognize this. They know that you are presenting ideas that you truly believe in and that you have considered all known facts and experiences so your Everyone will benefit from the ideas
One on One The fifth habit is powerful because it is right in the middle of your circle of influence In interdependent situations there are a lot of things in your circle of concern Problems disagreements or situations Other people’s behavior If you If you concentrate energy there, you destroy that energy. But
You can always try to understand first that this is something that is within your control and once you do that you will focus on your circle of influence. You understand other people really deeply. You have impeccable information to work with. You
Get to the heart of matters quickly. You build up an emotional bank account and you give people the psychological air they need. It ‘s an inside out approach. And when you do that, see what happens in your circle of influence. Because you really listen, you’re able to influence. Being able to influence others
Is the key to influencing others. Your circle begins to expand. You increase your ability to influence many things in your circle of concern [music] and also see that with you. What happens is that the more deeply you understand other people, the more you
Will value them, the more respect you will feel for them. Touching another person’s soul is like walking on sacred ground. The fifth habit is one that But what you can do right now is that the next time you talk to anyone, put your autobiography aside and really try to understand. Even when people
Don’t want to talk openly about their problems, you can still be full of compassion. You may be able to understand their feelings. You may be able to absorb their hurt and you may be responding. You may be feeling a little sad today. They may not say anything but that does
N’t matter. You have shown understanding and respect. Don’t put pressure. Be patient. Be respectful. It is not necessary that you express empathy only after people have opened up verbally. You can show empathy for their behavior at all times. You can be understanding, sensitive and aware and if necessary But you can live
Outside your own autobiography. If you’re extremely proactive, you can create opportunities for prevention. You don’t need to wait until your child has a problem at school to try to understand first. You don’t have to deal with anyone in business or business
. Spend time with your children one-on-one. Listen to them. Understand them. Look at your home and school life from their eyes. Look at the challenges and problems they face. Rich the emotional bank account of what you are facing . Provide them with psychological relief
. Go out with your spouse regularly. Have dinner together or do something you both enjoy. Listen carefully to each other and try to understand. Let’s see life through each other’s eyes My daily time with Sandra is something I wouldn’t trade for anything
In addition to trying to understand each other, we often take the time to listen to each other deeply. actually practice skills to help us communicate with our children we often share our different feelings about a situation with each other we use more effective methods to respond to difficult interpersonal family problems
I can act as if I am the son or daughter who is requesting a special privilege even though I have not fulfilled my basic family responsibility and Sandra plays her own i.e. mother. We are in every way Communicate and try to get a true picture of the situation so that we
Can be consistent. Teach our children the right principles and be their models. Some of our most helpful role plays are role plays that recreate a difficult or stressful scene from the past. The investment of time you make in deeply understanding your loved one pays tremendous dividends in the form of open communication.
Many of the thorny problems that arise in families and marriages can flourish. There is no time for further growth; interpersonal communication becomes so open that potential problems are nipped in the bud and the emotional bank account has such rich reserves of trust that problems can
Actually be faced as they arise. In business, you can discuss with your employees one by one, listen to them and understand them in your business. Develop human resource accountability or responsibility systems to get honest and accurate feedback from customers, suppliers, and employees at every level.
Make the human element as important as the financial or technical element as you harness human resources at every level of the business. You save a lot of time, energy and money. When you listen, you learn, and you also provide a psychological cushion to your colleagues and subordinates. You create loyalty that
Goes far beyond the physical demands of eight to five. Try to understand first before problems arise Try to evaluate and suggest solutions Try to understand before you try to present your ideas This is a process of effective interdependence. Powerful Habits When we truly understand each other deeply, we
Open the door to creative solutions and third options. Our differences of opinion are no longer barriers to communication and progress, instead becoming stepping stones to synergy . Suggestion Choose a relationship in which you feel the emotional bank account is showing red flags. Try to understand and
Write down the situation from the other person’s perspective. Listen for understanding in your next discussion. Compare what you hear with your own. Based on what was written, how accurate were your guesses? Did you really understand the person’s point of view
? Explain the concept of empathy to someone close to you. Tell them that you want to work on really listening to others and spend a week. Then ask for feedback on how you performed. How did you make that person feel? Three The next time you have the opportunity to observe people communicating,
Close your ears for a few minutes and just notice what emotions are being expressed that resonate with you. Can’t be understood with words alone Four The next time you catch yourself inappropriately using an autobiographical reaction investigation evaluation consultation or interpretation experiment, admit your mistake and
Try to turn the situation into a deposit by apologizing I’m sorry I just Felt I’m not really trying to understand Can we start again Five Try basing your next presentation on paranoia Describe the other person’s different point of view in a better way than his or her point
Of view Try to make your point logically Use the Sixth Habit Synergy When Sir Winston Churchill was invited by Great Britain to take command of the war, he remarked that his whole life had prepared him for this very moment. The practice of all other habits
Prepares us for the habit of Synergy. When Synergy is properly understood, it becomes the highest activity of life. It becomes the true test and expression of all other habits. The highest forms of Synergy are four unique We focus our human talents, win-win goals, and spiritual communication skills
On the toughest ultimate challenges of our lives. The results are almost miraculous. We create new alternatives, something that was not there before. The essence of Synergy Principle-centered leadership. This is the essence of principle-based child rearing. It activates, unites, and liberates the greatest powers within people. All the habits we have discussed so far
Allow us to create miracles of synergy. The simple definition of what synergy is is that a whole is greater than the sum of its parts. This means that the relationship of the parts to each other is also a part in itself,
It is not just a part. In fact, it is the most inspiring, most powerful, most uniting and most exciting part of the creative process. It is also the most terrifying part of it because you don’t know exactly what’s going to happen or
Where it’s going to take you. You don’t know what you’re going to face along the way. What new dangers or challenges will lie ahead It takes tremendous inner security to begin the spirit of adventure, discovery and creativity There is no doubt that you will have to leave the comfort of base camp and
Enter a completely new and unknown wilderness You become a pathfinder. You create a path to new possibilities, new regions, new continents, for others to follow. Synergy is everywhere in nature. If you plant two plants close together, their roots merge together and the soil changes.
The quality is improved so that both plants can grow better than they could separately. If you join two pieces of wood together, they can together support more weight than either of the two plants could individually. One and one added can be equal to three or even more. The real challenge is to implement
The principles of constructive cooperation learned from nature in our social behavior. Family life is more important than the sum of two . The way a man and a woman bring a child into the world is a form of synergy . The essence of synergy is to value differences of opinion, to
Respect them, to enhance strengths and to overcome weaknesses. We clearly value the physical differences between men and women, husbands and wives, but should there be social, mental and emotional differences, can’t these differences also be a source of creation of new and exciting forms of life? Cannot create an environment which
Is truly satisfying for both, which nurtures the self-respect and self-pride of both, which gives both the opportunity to mature first in self-reliance and then in interdependence. Is synergy possible for the next generation? We cannot create a new script for people that is conducive to service and contribution and
That is less defensive, less hostile and less selfish, more open, more trusting, more giving and less defensive and manipulative, more loving and caring and Be less possessive and less judgmental Synergistic Communication When you engage in synergistic communication, you are opening your mind, heart and emotions to new possibilities and new choices.
It may seem as if you are abandoning another habit, but in reality you are You are doing the opposite. You are giving it totality. When you engage in Synergistic Communication you don’t know what the ultimate outcome of things will be or what the end
Will look like but you have an inner feeling of excitement and security and you trust. That the end will be much better than the first and that is the end you have in mind You begin with the belief that the parties involved will achieve a greater end vision or understanding You
Begin with the belief that learning together and The excitement of the end vision will create momentum that will make it possible to learn and develop more end vision in the future. Many people have never really experienced much synergy in their family life or other interpersonal interactions. They find themselves
In defensive communications. They have been trained and scripted or have had this notion implanted in their minds that life or other people cannot be trusted and as a result they never actually open up to the Sixth Habit and its principles,
A great tragedy of life. And there is waste because a lot of potential remains untapped. This immense potential remains completely undeveloped and unused. Highly effective people live with untapped potential every day. They experience synergy in their lives. They do it only on a small or superficial level.
Perhaps they remember some unusual creative experience, perhaps when they had a brief moment of true team spirit in a match, or perhaps they have been in an emergency situation in which people To many people, such incidents may seem contrary to the character of ordinary life, even miraculous, but it is not so. Things
Can be created regularly, almost daily, in people’s lives, but this requires a great deal of personal security, openness, and a sense of adventure. Almost all creative endeavors are to some degree unpredictable. They often seem like arrows or tests shot in the dark. Unless people are very tolerant of ambiguity and
Have the security of integrity about principles and inner life values, they do not engage in highly creative work. They may find the system scary and overwhelming. Their need for certainty and predictability is very high. Synergy in the Classroom As a teacher, I believe that many
Really great classrooms teeter on the brink of chaos. Synergy in the Classroom examines whether teachers and students truly adhere to this principle Open that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts There are times when both teacher and student are
Not sure what is going to happen. In the beginning there is a safe environment that allows people to really open up and learn. Enables one to hear each other’s views. Then brainstorming takes place where the feeling of evaluation
Becomes subordinate to the feelings of creativity, imagination and intellectual networking. Then a very unusual phenomenon occurs. The whole class gets a new strength, new ideas, the thrill of a new direction. A transformation begins that is difficult to describe but is almost palpable to all involved [music] The synergy is almost like a group
Collectively agreeing to put aside old scripts and write a new one . I’ll never forget a university class in which I was teaching leadership philosophy and style. We were about three weeks into that semester when, in the middle of a presentation, a student began to share a very powerful personal
Experience that was very emotional and informative. There was a feeling of humility and reverence in the class. All the students had a feeling of respect for him and appreciation for his courage. This feeling became fertile ground for synergistic and creative efforts. Other students took it forward and shared their experiences.
Shared visions and self-doubts [music] The feeling of trust and security inspired many people to speak openly. Instead of giving a prepared presentation, they found each other’s perspective and were nourished by the ideas they shared in that class. I was deeply involved in the process. In fact I was almost fascinated by it because
It felt so magical and creative and I found that the bond of my commitment to the mechanics of the classroom Relaxing because I was seeing entirely new possibilities. This was not a flight of fancy. This was a sense of maturity, stability and reality that went far beyond the old systems and planning
We used to buy old course textbooks and presentations. We abandoned other plans. We set new objectives, projects and assignments . We were so excited about what was happening that over the next three weeks everyone felt a strong desire to know what was happening with others.
We shared what we had learned and With an end in sight, we decided to write a book based on the leadership theory that was our topic of study. Assignments were changed, new projects were taken on, and new teams were formed. People
Were working harder than they were in the original classroom system. And they were doing so for very different reasons. From that experience emerged a unique, cohesive and synergistic culture that didn’t end with the semester. For years, members of that class continued to hold alumni meetings. Many years have passed, but today
Even when we meet each other we talk about it and try to describe what happened and why it happened. I was surprised at how much it took to build enough trust for this kind of synergy. The time taken was short, I think, largely because the people involved
Were relatively more mature, they were in the last semester of their final year, and I think they wanted something bigger than just another classroom experience. They wanted something new and exciting that was really meaningful. It was an idea whose time had come. Plus, the chemistry was right. I realized that experiencing the synergy
Was more powerful than talking about it and creating something new. It makes more sense than reading old stuff. I’ve seen times, as I’m sure most people have, that were almost synergistic. Times that were hanging on the edge of chaos and
For some reason they were in it. The sad thing is that people who have burnt their hands in such an experience often remember that failure when starting their new experience. They protect themselves from it and thus deprive themselves of synergy. This is like administrators who create new rules and policies simply because
Some people within the organization abused the old rules, with the result that they limit the freedom and creative possibilities of many people or Like business partners who imagine the worst and Writing them down in legalistic language kills the whole spirit of creativity, enterprise and the possibility of synergy. When I
Think about my consulting and executive learning experience, I can say that major events were almost always synergistic. Usually an early It was a moment that required a lot of courage and perhaps a lot of honesty
To confront a deep truth about a person, organization or family that really needed to be said but that required the coordination of true love to say it. People became more honest, open and authentic and a process of synergistic communication began that usually became more and more creative and
Ended in insights and plans that no one expected at the beginning. As taught by Carl Rogers, the most personal This is what happens most often. The more honest you become in your expression, especially about personal experiences and self-doubts, the more people can relate to your expression. By doing so,
You provide them with so much security. So that they can feel safe to express themselves. This expression in turn nourishes the other person’s spirit and thus creates a real creative empathy that generates new visions and teachings, the thrill of doing new things. Realization also arises which
Continues this process. Then people start talking to each other in about half sentences, sometimes in incoherent sentences, but they understand each other’s meaning very quickly and then try to ascertain new options. These insights open up whole new worlds of new perspectives and new paradigms and are
Talked about. Although sometimes these new ideas remain in the air, they usually lead to some kind of concrete conclusion that is practical and useful. Synergy is in Business I had a particularly meaningful synergistic experience while drafting the corporate mission statement of our business with my colleagues. Almost all members of the company
Prepared the first draft of the statement amidst the natural beauty of the mountains, which some of us Have an excellent mission statement. At first the communication was respectful, careful and predictable, but when we started talking about different options, possibilities and opportunities, people became very open and honest and started thinking out loud on
The basis of the mission statement. A collective feeling of free association was awakened. There was a spontaneous exchange of ideas. People became courageous as well as truly empathetic. In this way, we moved beyond mutual respect and understanding to constructive synergistic communication. Everyone can feel this. It was exciting. When this was complete, we
Began to put into words our collective future vision. Each of these words had meaning for each participant and he or she was loyal to it. This resulted in a corporate mission statement. The following is our mission. The principle empowers individuals and organizations to significantly increase their performance
To achieve meaningful purpose through the understanding and practice of focused leadership. Our mission statement was created through a synergistic process that placed this statement at It became a reference standard for us and helped us a lot in telling us what to do and also what not to do.
Another high level synergy experience occurred to me at that time. When I accepted an invitation to serve as a resource and discussion catalyst at the annual planning meeting of a large insurance company, several months before the meeting I
Met with the committee responsible for preparing and organizing this two-day meeting. They informed me that The traditional method was to identify four or five key issues through questionnaires and interviews and to have executives present alternative proposals . Previous meetings had generally resulted in a respectful exchange of views, although
At times these meetings devolved into defensive win-loss ego clashes. They were usually predictable, conventional and boring. When I talked to the committee members about the power of synergy they realized its potential . They reluctantly agreed to change their approach. Confidential on every issue of higher priority than
Requested to prepare white papers He then asked the executives to immerse themselves in those papers so that they could understand the issues and different viewpoints. They had to come to the meeting prepared to listen rather than lecturing, rather than protecting and defending themselves. We had to come prepared for creation and synergy.
We spent the first half of the meeting teaching the theory and practice of the fourth, fifth and sixth habit abilities. The rest of the time was spent on creative synergy. The creative energy released was incredible. Boredom was replaced with excitement. Lee
People were now very open to each other’s influence and generated new visions and new options. By the end of the meeting there was a completely new understanding of the nature of the company’s most important challenge. White Paper Proposals Now differences of opinion became meaningless. Differences were valued and transcended. A new
Shared vision began to develop. Once people experienced true synergy, they would never be able to live in their old ways. Extensionists continue to explore the possibility of other similar exciting experiences. Often an attempt is made to repeat a particular synergistic experience but this
Is rarely possible. However, the basic intention behind creative work can be replicated. Far Eastern philosophy We do not want to try to copy the great people but to try to find what they wanted to find, similarly we do not want to try to copy the previous creative synergistic experience
But we want to try to find something new and different and sometimes more. Want to try creating new synergistic experiences around higher purposes Synergy and Communication Synergy is thrilling Creativity is thrilling Openness and communication can produce miraculous results The
Potential for truly significant benefits and improvements is so real that it is worth the risk of openness. Should be known: After the Second World War, America made David Lee Anthal the head of the new Atomic Energy Commission. Lee Anthal assembled a group of people who were extremely influential,
Were celebrities in their field and were disciples of their own reference standards. This very diverse group of people The group’s agenda was very heavy and they were impatient to get it done, plus the newspaper people were also in a hurry. But Lily Anthel
Took a few weeks to build up a high emotional bank account. She arranged for these people to communicate with each other. Get to know them well: their interests, their hopes, their goals, their concerns, their background, their reference standards, and their paradigm. Lily Anthel encouraged human behavior that creates closer bonds between people, although
She was criticized for taking too much time because This was not efficient management but the result was that the group became very close-knit, very open with each other, very creative and synergistic. The feeling of mutual respect among the members of the Commission was so high that
In case of disagreement, others would Instead of protesting and protecting oneself, a genuine attempt was made to understand. The approach was that if a person of your intelligence, ability and commitment disagrees with me, then there must be some reason behind your disagreement which I am not able to understand and
I want to understand it. I want to consider your perspective and reference criteria This led to openness rather than defensive behavior and the birth of an exceptional culture The lowest level of communication arises from situations of low trust It
Involves the use of defensive and often legalistic language Which imagines all the worst-case scenarios and prepares paragraphs and sub-paragraphs in anticipation of the situation getting worse. This kind of communication only produces win-loss-win-wins. It is not effective.
It does not have P-O-P-C balance and is more likely to be defensive. The middle position that arises is respectful communication. This is the level where normally mature people discuss or behave. They respect each other but they want to avoid conflict so they communicate politely. However their communication Paranu Bhooti
Is not complete. They may understand each other intellectually but they do not want to look deeply into the paradigms and beliefs inherent in their situations and they do not want to open up to new possibilities. Respectful communication in self-sufficient situations and Even in interdependent situations it works but
It does not pave the way for creative possibilities. In interdependent situations Generally a position of compromise is adopted. Compromise means neither side equals nor half. Both parties give something and take something. Communication is not full of defensive anger or deceit. It is honest, realistic and ideal. But it is
Creative or synergistic. This does not happen. This produces a lower form of win-win. Synergy means one plus one, which could be 8, 16, or even 1600. The synergistic state of high trust produces a better solution than the one originally proposed, and all parties know this. Moreover, they
Can really enjoy the creative work. A subculture is formed that provides satisfaction, even if only for a short period of time. But it leads to public PC equilibrium. There are some circumstances in which synergy is not achieved. A no-deal situation is not practical. However, even in these circumstances, an honest effort
Can usually lead to a more effective compromise. Seeking a third option can improve our understanding of how the level of our communication affects our interdependent influence. To get a better idea, imagine this scenario: The holidays are coming up and the husband
Wants to take the family to a lake area to enjoy camping and fishing. This is important to him. He has been planning it all year long. He has also made reservations for a cottage on the lake and has arranged for boat hire
. His sons are also really excited about going there. However, his wife wants to go during the holidays to visit her ailing mother who is 250 Lives miles away She doesn’t get to see her mom very often and it’s important to her These differences
Of opinion can lead to a huge negative experience Husband says plans are made The kids are thrilled We should go on a fishing trip Wife replies But we don’t know for how many more days my mother and my sister, so I want to go to meet her,
This is the only chance to do so because we will never have this much time again. We have been waiting for this one week holiday for the whole year. The children are doing this by sitting idle at their grandmother’s house for a week.
They will get upset and will harass everyone. Besides, your mother is not that sick and you also have a sister to take care of her who lives less than a mile away. She is my mother too I want to go to her You can call her every night And we have planned
To spend time with her at the family reunion in Christmas Remember Christmas is in 5 months We don’t know when she Will she even survive or not? Besides, they need me, they are being well taken care of, besides, the children and I also need you.
My mother is more important than fishing. Your husband and your children are more important than your mother. The disagreements keep on increasing. After some back- and-forth discussion, they may eventually reach some kind of agreement.
They may decide to go their separate ways, with the husband taking the kids and going fishing at the lake and the wife going to visit her mother, but both of them They feel guilty and sad. Children also understand this and it reduces the joy of their holidays.
Or it is possible that the husband will submit to his wife but he will do so reluctantly. This week will be full of sadness for everyone. The husband may consciously or unconsciously present evidence to fulfill the prophecy, or the wife may surrender to her husband but remain silent and
Overreact to the news of her mother’s deteriorating condition. If her mother becomes seriously ill and dies, the husband will never be able to forgive himself and the wife will never be able to forgive him. They eventually reach an agreement. Both parties have endured years of insensitive neglect and misplaced priorities. This
Decision can be a source of conflict that lasts for years and can even tear a family apart. Many marriages that were once beautiful, tender, joyful and full of love are distorted by a series of similar events. The husband and wife see the situation in different ways and this difference can tear them apart,
Create a rift in their relationship, or it can bring them to a higher level. If they have developed habits of effective interdependence, they can confront their differences of opinion in a completely different paradigm. They communicate at a higher level
Because their emotional bank account is rich so there is trust and open communication in their marriage because they think with a win-win mentality so they believe in the third option i.e. a solution that be beneficial to both and be better than the solution originally suggested by both
Because by listening empathetically and seeking to understand first, they form a bigger picture of life values and concerns within and between themselves on which to base decisions. It is important to think while taking Rich emotional bank account Thinking win-win and trying to understand first. These elements create the ideal environment for synergy. Buddhism
Calls it the middle path. Here middle does not mean compromise, it means more. To be higher is to seek the middle or higher path, like the upper vertex of a triangle. The husband and wife realize that their love and relationship
Are part of their synergy. During the discussion the husband really goes deeply into meeting his wife’s own mother. He understands that his wife wants to provide relief to her sister who has primary responsibility for their mother’s care. He understands that who knows how long she will live and that
They will certainly be fishing. is more important than fishing, and the wife deeply understands her husband’s desire for family outings and for the children to have an enjoyable experience. The wife is aware of the investment that
Goes into training and equipment in preparation for a fishing vacation. And she also realizes the importance of making the holidays memorable so they put together their wishes. Now they are no longer at opposite ends of the problem. They are sitting together at the same end looking at the problem and
Understanding the need. and are working on a third option so that both of their wishes can be fulfilled. Husband suggests that we make such arrangements at some other time in the month itself so that you can go to meet your mother . I’ll take care of the household responsibilities over the weekend and
Arrange for a maid at the beginning of the week so you can go. I know it’s important to you to go there or we can find a place for camping and fishing that is close to your mother’s. Even if the place is close to home, it
May not be as good but we can still take a walk outside and fulfill other needs. Children will also not feel bored and frustrated. We can provide them with enjoyable activities with their cousins and aunts and uncles. They can also plan, which will be an added benefit. They use synergy.
They communicate on every aspect until they reach a solution that both of them feel good about. This is done by both of them. It’s better than the originally suggested solution. It’s even better than a compromise. It’s a synergistic solution that creates a P and a PC.
It’s a transformation rather than a transaction. They both get what they want, and in the process, they improve their relationship. Making Negative Synergies Even Stronger Finding a Third Alternative is a huge paradigm shift from the dualistic either/or mentality but just look at the results when people
Try to solve problems or reach decisions in an interdependent reality. Usually, how much negative energy is spent in counting the mistakes of others, in playing tricks, in rivalry, in interpersonal conflict, in saving one’s own skin, in making strategies and thinking of alternatives. How much time
Is wasted in this, it is just like while driving a car. One foot is on the accelerator and the other on the brake and instead of taking the foot off the brake, most people increase the pressure on the accelerator.
They try to strengthen their position by applying more pressure, being more eloquent and giving more logical information . The problem is that extremely Serious people trying to succeed in an interdependent environment either rely on borrowing power from their position and operate with a win-lose mentality, or they
Rely on being popular among others and They are working with a win-lose mentality. They may be talking about win-win techniques but the truth is that they do not want to listen and just want to make their own meaning. Synergy cannot be generated in such a guise.
Insecure people think that all of reality is in harmony with their paradigm. They have a strong need to make others like them and into their way of thinking. What they don’t realize is that the real power of connection lies in the existence of another perspective. Not being alike is not unity. Sameness
Is not unity. OR Unity is not about being the same but about being complementary. Being the same is not creative. It is the essence of giving importance to differences of opinions. The essence of synergy is I believe that the key to mutual synergy is personal synergy i.e. the synergy within us is
The first step to personal synergy. These principles are rooted in the principle of the Three Habits. These principles provide enough internal security to deal with the risks of being open and vulnerable. By internalizing these principles we develop a win-win abundance mindset and the authenticity of the fifth habit.
Becoming Principle Centered A very practical consequence of this is that it makes us integrate the whole truth. People who are deeply scripted into left brain logical and literal thinking find that this way of thinking is inadequate for solving the problems they face. Which requires a lot of creativity.
After knowing this, they become aware and start opening a new script within their right brain. It is not that they had the right brain before, it was just that it had been deactivated. The muscles did not develop or perhaps they became weak after childhood because formal education or social scripting
Had placed too much emphasis on the left brain when a person had access to the right brain which is imaginative, creative and pictorial and the left brain which is Analytical is logical and verbal. If both are available then the whole brain is working.
In other words, mental synergy is created in our own brain and this tool is most suitable for the reality of life because life is not just logical, it is emotional. Also, one day I was giving a seminar in a company in Orlando, Florida titled ‘
Manage from the Right, Lead from the Right’, during a break the President of the company came to me and said, ‘Stephen, this is strange but the truth is that I was teaching this material. I’m thinking of applying this to my marriage rather than my company
My wife and I really have a communication problem Would you mind having lunch with the two of us just to see how we talk to each other Okay Yes, I replied. When we sat together, we exchanged some polite words. Then this man turned towards his wife and said, Look Priya,
I have invited Stephen to have lunch with me so that he can see our communication. Maybe he would like it. Can help us improve I know you feel that I should be a more sensitive and more caring husband Can you tell me one definite thing that you
Think I should do His dominant left brain Facts and figures See, as I told you before, this is not a definite thing, it is just a general feeling about priorities. His dominant right brain was talking about cognition and the whole, the
Relationship between the parts. What do you mean by a general feeling about priorities? What do you want him to do? Give me a certain thing or task that I can do. Look, it’s just a feeling. His right brain is of images and intuition. It was full of emotions I think our married
Life is not as important to you as you make it out to be What can I do to make it more important Give me something concrete and clear so I can move forward Put it into words Difficulty on this peacock, the husband turned his eyes and looked at me as if saying Stephen,
How can anyone tolerate such dumbness in marital relationship, this is just a feeling, the wife said, a very strong feeling, the husband said to the wife, with you. This is the problem and this is the problem with your mother, in fact
This is the problem with all the women I know. Then he started asking questions to his wife as if he was arguing in a legal case. Do you live where you are? You want to stay
, this is not the issue. The wife said with a sigh, This is not the issue at all. The husband, with barely any patience, replied, I know, but since you cannot clearly tell what the problem is, I think this is the best way. it
Find out what isn’t a problem Do you live where you want to live Probably yes Look, Stephen is only here for a little while to help us Just give a quick yes or no answer Do you live there Where do you
Want to live? Yes, it’s okay, it’s been decided, do you have the things you want to come? Yes, okay, do you do the work you want to do? This sequence continued like this for some time. Could see that I
Was not helping at all so I intervened and asked Is this how your relationship works? Husband said this happens every day Stephen Wife sighed and said this is the story of our married life I told both of them Looked to the side and suddenly
This thought came to my mind that these are two half-brained people living together. I asked do you have children. Yes, two indeed. I asked in disbelief. How did you do this? How did we do this? What about this question? Meaning you were synergistic I
Said one plus one usually equals two but you made it four this is synergy the whole is greater than the sum of the parts so I’m asking how you did it he replied you Know how we did this. I said you must have valued differences. Valuing differences, valuing
Mental, emotional and psychological differences between people is the essence of synergy and the key to valuing these is to realize that people Seeing the world not as it really is, but as it is itself If I think I see the world as it really is, then
Why would I want to value the Tao? Why would I bother thinking about someone who has lost his way? My paradigm is that I am impartial. I see the world as it is. Everyone else
Is busy with small things. I am the only one. As the big picture is visible, that’s why they call me a supervisor. I have excellent vision. If my paradigm is this, I will never be able to be effectively interdependent, let alone self-reliant. My conditioning
Paradigm will limit me as the person who is truly effective. He has the humility and respect to recognize the limitations of his own experiences. He values the resources that can be made available from the hearts and minds of others through communication. The effective person values difference
Because these differences add to his knowledge of reality and Enhances understanding When we are limited only to our experiences, we suffer from a constant lack of information. Is it logical that two people disagree and yet both are right? This is not logical. This is psychological and
This is very real. You see the young woman I see the old woman We’re both looking at the same picture And we’re both right We see the same black lines and the same white spots But we interpret them differently because we’re -We are conditioned to have different interpretations
And do not value when our perceptions differ unless we value each other and do not believe in the possibility that we are both right until we do. We won’t be able to transcend the limitations of that conditioning to think that life isn’t always a binary either-or.
Unless we recognize that there are almost always third options, I’m just seeing an old lady, but I don’t. Realize that you may see something else and I value you and your perception. I want to understand so when I am aware of the difference in my perceptions
I say okay you see it differently than you do. Help me to see it too. If two people have the same opinion then one of them is unnecessary. It will do me no good to talk to a person who only sees an old lady who
Agrees with me. I communicate with her. I want to communicate with you because you see it differently. I value that difference. By doing this I not only raise my awareness but also support you. I give you a psychological breeze. I remove my foot and
Do not allow that negative energy to arise which you can use to protect yourself in a particular situation I create an environment of synergy The importance of valuing differences Education with Dr. RH Rivas often repeated The proverb is beautifully expressed in Animal School. Once the animals decided that they
Needed to take some drastic action to deal with the problems of the new world, they opened a school. They created a curriculum of activities that included running, climbing, swimming, etc. And flying was included to make it easier to implement, so all the animals had to take all the subjects. The duck
Was the best in swimming. In fact, she was better than her trainer. She also got very good marks in flying but she was very weak in running because she was very weak in running. She was weak, so she had to stay after school to work on it.
She had to give up swimming and practice running. This continued until her webbed feet got so badly damaged that she was now only an average swimmer. However, this did not worry anyone except the duck because being average in school was not considered a bad thing.
The rabbit was the best in running in the class but when it came to swimming, he had a nervous breakdown. The squirrel was very bad at climbing. She was skilled but became frustrated in flying class where her teacher told her to fly above the ground instead of coming down from the treetops.
Due to overexertion, she developed muscle strain and pain, resulting in her having to learn to climb. Baz was a spoiled child. He had to be seriously disciplined. In climbing class he was the first to reach the topmost branch of the tree but
He used his own methods to get there. When the annual examination was held, an unusual eel had the best average and was chosen as the best student because it could swim very well, run a little, climb and even fly, and could burrow in flocks. The resident ground squirrels
Stayed out of that school and protested taxes because the school did not include burrowing in the curriculum. They sent their children to be trained at Brock’s and later joined the Ground Hawks and Gophers. Together they started a successful private school. Power Field Analysis In an interdependent situation, sin ji
Is especially powerful in dealing with the negative forces that work against growth and change. Social scientist Kurt Lewin developed the power field analysis model to explain this. That any existing level of performance or status is a state of balance between the motivating forces that promote it and the inhibiting forces that discourage it.
Motivating forces are usually positive, rational, conscious and economic. In contrast, inhibiting forces are often negative emotional, irrational, unconscious and social. or psychological. Both forces are very real and should be considered when facing change. For example, there is a certain atmosphere in your family. There is a certain level of positive or negative behavior
In the family. Family members have their own concerns. Or there is an environment of feeling safe or unsafe in expressing emotions and of respect or inequality. Maybe you want to really change this level and environment. Maybe you want to create an environment that is more positive, more ideal, more open and Your logical
Reasons for doing so are the driving forces that work to raise that level, but increasing those driving forces is not enough. Restraining forces will oppose your efforts, such as competition among children in the family. A feeling of belonging, different scripts from your and your spouse’s past home life,
Habits developed in the family, a job or other demands on your time and energy, etc. Increasing the driving forces may yield results but only for a short period of time as long as the restraining forces are there. This task becomes increasingly difficult. It is like pushing a spring. Now the more you push,
The more difficult it becomes and then suddenly the spring quickly returns to the old level. This continuous movement of going up and down. Through the process of ups and downs you start to realize after many attempts that people
Will remain the way they are and it is very difficult to change people but when you use synergy when you work directly on the blocking forces through the fourth habit . When you use the abilities of the fifth habit and the behaviors of the sixth habit, you create an environment in which it
Is safe to talk about these strengths. You bring them out. loosen up and create a new end vision that actually transforms those inhibiting forces into driving forces. You get people involved in the problem, get them fully immersed in it, and make them feel that It’s their problem and they
Become an important part of the solution. The result is new and shared goals. It elevates the entire endeavor, often in ways no one could have imagined, and there’s a thrill in that. A new culture is born. The people involved become in awe of each other’s humanity, and new thinking
Is empowered by new creative options and opportunities. I have many times been involved in reconciliation discussions between people who are so distant from each other. They were angry that they had taken the advice of lawyers to strengthen their case. This further increased the problem because
Due to the legal process, mutual communication further reduced but the level of trust was so low that both the parties felt that their There was no other option but to go to court. I asked if you were interested in a win-win solution that both parties could actually feel good about
. The response was usually positive but most people don’t really think that’s possible. If I could persuade the other party, would you really like to begin the process of communication with each other? Once again, the answer was yes.
In almost every case, the results were surprising. The problems, both legal and psychological, have been in the making for months. They were resolved within a matter of hours or days. Most solutions were not court-ordered settlements. They were synergistic solutions that were better than the original solutions suggested by both parties,
And in most cases the relationship continued. Although in the beginning it seemed that they would never be mended due to lack of trust and deep cracks in the relationship, an executive in our development program narrated an incident in which a manufacturer was sued
By his old industrial client for not completing the work. Both parties claimed that their position was justified and that the other was considered unethical and completely untrustworthy. When they started practicing the Fifth Habit, two things became clear. First , the misunderstanding had arisen due to initial communication problems.
Which later increased with allegations and counter-allegations. Secondly, both of them were working in good faith in the beginning and did not like the expense and hassle of litigation, but both of them could not think of any other way
Once these two things became clear. Once this was done, the spirit of the fourth, fifth and sixth habits started working. The problem was solved quickly and the relationship is going well even today. Look at another situation. One day early in the morning I got a call from a land developer
Who was desperately looking for help. The bank wanted to auction his property because he was not paying the principal and interest installments on time. The developer had filed a suit against the bank to stop the process. He had to complete his work and
Develop the plots and sell them. He needed an additional loan for this, after this he would have enough money to repay the amount to the bank but the bank clearly refused that no more loan could be given to him until he repays the old installments.
There was the chicken-and-egg problem of shortage. Meanwhile, the project was lying incomplete. The roads were beginning to look like fields full of weeds. The few houses that had been built, their owners stood up in
Protest when they saw the prices of their properties falling. The entire city was worried that the prime land project was falling behind schedule and becoming an eyesore. The bank and the developer
Had spent millions of dollars in a court battle and for the next few months no one heard the matter in the court. There was no fixed date. Frustrated, this developer reluctantly agreed to try the principles of the Fourth, Fifth and Sixth Habits. He
Arranged a meeting with bank officials, who were even more reluctant. The meeting started at 8 a.m. in the bank’s conference room. The tension and anxiety were clearly visible. The bank’s lawyer had advised the bank officials not to say anything, they just had to listen. He himself took the responsibility of speaking.
He did not want anything to happen which would affect the bank’s position in the court. But initially for one and a half hours I taught them about the fourth, fifth and sixth habits. At 9:30 I came near the black board.
Went and wrote down the concerns of the bank based on our prior understanding. Initially the bank officials did not say anything but when we explained our intentions with win-win mentality and tried to understand them first, they
Gradually tried to clarify the situation. When they felt that they had been understood, the whole atmosphere changed. There was a sense of momentum and a stage because it was now clear that the problem could be resolved peacefully. Despite the objections of the lawyer, the bank officials accepted
Their position. And told them openly and also told them about our personal concerns. When we would come out of here, the first question the President of the bank would ask us would be whether we got our money and what would be our answer to this. It was 11 o’clock and the bank
Officials were still in this situation. Confident that his position was right but he also now felt that his position was understood so he was no longer defensive nor unnecessarily intrusive. By this time he had opened up enough
. We were able to hear the developer’s concerns, which we wrote down on another part of the blackboard. This led to a deeper mutual understanding and a collective awareness of how initial poor communication had led to misunderstandings and unmet expectations and what Continuous communication in a win-win spirit
Could have prevented these serious problems from arising. Both parties were mutually aware of the long-term and intense pain, but both also had a sense of real progress, so everyone discussed openly. The meeting was to end by noon but both the parties were positive, constructive and synergistic and
Wanted to talk further. Everyone saw the developer’s first suggestion as the initial win-win policy. Synergy was used on this and improvements were made in it. Finally, at 12:45 pm, the developer and two officials of the bank came together with a plan to present it to the Home Owners Association and the city.
Despite the complications that arose later, the legal battle ended and the construction project was completed successfully. I do not recommend this. I am saying that people should not use legal processes. In some situations it becomes necessary but I see it as a last resort rather than a first resort
If it is used too early even if it is only for prevention. Why not, sometimes fear and legal paradigms later generate thoughts and work processes which are not synergistic. The whole of nature is synergistic. Ecology is basically a description of the synergy of nature. Everything is related to everything else. It is creative.
Just as the true power of the seven habits lies in their relationship with each other and not as stand-alone habits, their interrelationship is also the power to create a synergistic culture within a family or organization. The more honest and longer the participation in analyzing and solving problems,
The greater the creativity of each person and the greater their commitment to what they create. I think this is the strength of the Japanese approach to business. It is the essence of what has changed markets all over the world. Synergy works.
It is a true principle. It is the crowning achievement of all previous habits. It spins effect into an interdependent reality. It is teamwork. Team building is unity with others. And there is the development of creativity. Although you cannot control the paradigm of others in a codependent discussion or synergistic process
, there is a lot of synergy in your circle of influence. Your own internal synergy lies within this circle. You can respect both your analytical and creative sides. You can value their differences and use those differences to inspire creativity. You can be synergistic within yourself, even in a hostile environment.
You can’t take insults personally. You don’t need to take negative energy for granted. You can look for the good in others and no matter how different they may be. You can use that goodness to improve and broaden your perspective. You can practice courage in interdependent situations You can open up You
Can courageously express your thoughts, feelings and experiences in a way that encourages others to open up You can value the differences of others when someone If you disagree, you can say so Well, you see it differently. You don’t have to agree with them. However, you can support them and try to understand them.
If you see only two options, one is your own option and the other is a wrong option . So you can look for a synergistic third option. There is almost always a third option and if you work from a win-win paradigm and really
Try to understand, you can usually find a solution that works for everyone concerned. Better Practice Ideas Think of someone who typically sees things differently from you. Consider ways in which you can use those differences as stepping stones to a third option. Perhaps you
Might want to get their views on a current project or problem, valuing those differing views. List two people you feel conflicted with. Do they represent different views? If you have more inner security and if you If you value differences, can they create synergy Three Identify a situation in which you
Want more teamwork and synergy What conditions are needed to increase synergy What can you do to create these conditions Four Next Whenever you have a difference of opinion or conflict with someone, try to understand the real concerns in that person’s situation.
Respond to those concerns in a constructive and mutually beneficial way. Section Four Renewal Seventh Habit Sharpen the R Principles of Balanced Self Renewal Seventh Sharpen the habit R Principles of balanced self-renewal Suppose you come across a man in the forest who
Is busy cutting a tree. You ask him what he is doing. He answers impatiently. You can’t see me. I am sawing. I am cutting this tree. You say with surprise. You look tired. How long have you been doing this work? He
Turns back and replies, It has been more than five hours and I am very tired. It is a very hard work. You suggest. Why don’t you rest for a few minutes and sharpen your saw, I’m sure it will work faster after that, I don’t have time to sharpen the saw, the
Man insists. I’m Too Busy Chopping Trees The Seventh Habit Is Making Time to Sharpen the Saw It surrounds all the other habits in the Paradigm Cycle of the Seven Habits because this habit makes all the other habits possible. Four Dimensions of Renewal The Seventh Habit Personal PC is your biggest asset i.e.
To protect and develop yourself. It renews all four of your nature – physical, spiritual, mental and social or emotional. Although different words are used but most of the philosophies of life are directly or indirectly related to it. Philosopher Herb Shepherd describes a healthy balanced life around four life values: vision
I.e. spiritual autonomy i.e. mental connection i.e. social and power i.e. physical George Sheehan describes four roles: being a good animal i.e. That physical i.e. being a good craftsman i.e. mental being a good friend i.e. social and being a saint i.e. spiritual strong motivation and organization
Principle lies in these four dimensions or motivation Economic i.e. how physical people are treated i.e. social people How it is developed and used i.e. the service work or contribution done by the mental and organizational i.e. sharpen the edge of spiritual R. Cool means to express all the four inspirations. It means to have
Complete and balanced understanding of all the four dimensions of our nature. To do this we have to be proactive by practicing the methods regularly and consistently. Sharpening the R is definitely a Quadrant Two activity so we have to work on Quadrant Two because Quadrant One
Is essential so it works on us. Keeps us under constant pressure on the personal PC until it becomes our second nature until it becomes a kind of healthy addiction because it is at the center of our circle of influence so therefore No one else can do it for us. We
Have to do it for ourselves. The most powerful investment we can make in life is to invest in ourselves, the only place we have to live and contribute to. We are the means of our work and to be effective we need to be aware of this.
What needs to be recognized is the importance that we have to regularly find time to sharpen the Arya in all four ways. Physical Dimension The physical or material dimension includes taking effective care of our physical body. Eating the right kind of food. Adequate rest and relaxation. Doing and exercising regularly
Exercise is one of the high impact activities of Quadrant Two that most of us do not do regularly because it is not urgent and because we do not do it, sooner or later we find ourselves in Quadrant One. Because we end up
With health problems and crises as a natural result of our neglect Most of us think we don’t have enough time to exercise. What a distorted paradigm we actually have. No, we’re talking about three to six hours per week. That’s at least 30 minutes every day or every other day. That ‘s
Probably not a lot of time, considering the beneficial effect it has on the other 162 to 165 hours of the week. And you don’t need any special equipment to do it. This is an additional opportunity if you want to go to a gym or spa to use the equipment, or
Enjoy a skill sport like tennis or racquet ball. But this is not necessary for sharpening etc. A good exercise program is one that you can do at home and which develops your body in these three areas: Endurance, Flexibility and Strength Endurance comes from aerobic exercise Cardiovascular
Although it is a muscle, it cannot be exercised directly. It can only be exercised through large muscle groups, especially through the muscles of the legs. This is why fast Exercises like walking, running, cycling, swimming, cross country skiing and jogging are so beneficial that you
Are minimally healthy if you can raise your heart rate to at least 100 beats per minute and keep it at that level for 30 minutes. Ideally you should try to raise your heart rate to at least 60% of your maximum pulse rate. This
Is the fastest rate at which your heart can beat and pump blood through your body. Your maximum heart rate is usually But subtracting your age from 220 shows that if you are 40 years old, you should aim for 108 heart beats per exercise. The
Training effect is usually considered to be between 72 and 87 beats of your personal maximum rate. Flexibility stretching Most experts recommend warming up before aerobic exercise and stretching and bending exercises after exercise. Warming up before aerobics loosens up and warms up the muscles for more intense exercise,
Done after aerobics. Exercise helps keep lactic acid away so you don’t feel stressed or strained. Strength comes from doing muscle resistance exercises like push ups, pull ups, sit ups and lifting weights. How much emphasis you put on building strength depends on your condition. If you are involved in physical labor or sports
Activities, then increased strength will increase your efficiency, but if your work is basically sitting in one place and your lifestyle does not require a lot of strength for success, then aerobic And light muscle exercises in addition to stretching exercises are sufficient. Once I
Was at the gym with a friend of mine who has a PhD in exercise physiology. He was focusing on building his strength. He told me that I would do that for him. While watching me do the bench press,
He said that when the right time comes, he will ask me to remove the weight. Then he instructed me, but not to remove the weight until I say no, so I kept looking at him, waiting and trying to force myself to remove the weight.
He kept preparing the weight kept going up and down and I could see that it was getting difficult but he kept lifting the weight. When he started lifting it up I thought he would not be able to lift it but he did and then he slowly He would bring it back down
And then start lifting it up, up and down, up and down. Finally, when I looked at his face, which looked stretched with the effort and the blood vessels were almost bulging out of the chimney, I thought, Now the weight
Is going to fall on his chest and it will shatter his chest, maybe I should take the weight off him, maybe he has lost control and he doesn’t even know it What was he doing but he got it down safely then he
Lifted the weight up again I couldn’t believe it when he finally asked me to lift the weight I asked why did you wait so long he replied Diya Stephen Almost all the benefits of exercise come in the end. I’m trying to build strength, and that doesn’t happen until the muscle
Fibers tear and the nerve fibers start hurting. Then nature overcompensates . And within 48 hours that fiber becomes stronger than before. I could see the significance of his point. The same principle works with emotional muscles like patience. When you practice going beyond your previous limits,
Your emotional The fiber gets broken, nature overcompensates and the next time the fiber becomes stronger than before. My friend wanted to make the muscles stronger and he knew how to do it. However, to be effective, we all need to develop strength like this. No need to do No Pain No Benefit
May be appropriate in some circumstances but this is not the essence of an effective exercise program The essence of renewal of physical dimension is to sharpen the R i.e. regularly exercising your body in this way We also need to be wise when developing an exercise program. People
Have a tendency to over-exercise in the beginning, especially if you have never exercised before. And it can cause unnecessary pain, injury or even permanent damage. So starting slow is the best policy. Any exercise program should be tailored to the latest research results, your doctor’s advice, and your own self-awareness
If you haven’t been exercising. So your body, going in the relaxed direction of the slope, will undoubtedly resist this change. You may not like it at first, you may even hate it, but be proactive. Do it every time you plan to run, even if
Do it even if it’s raining early in the morning. It’s raining. I ‘ve got the opportunity to develop my body as well as my willpower. You’re not using a quick fix. You’re using a similar activity from Quarton Two. Just ask anyone who exercises consistently.
As your heart and oxygen purification system become more efficient, your resting pulse rate will gradually decrease as you Increase your body’s ability to work hard. Doing normal activities will become more relaxing and enjoyable for you. You will have more energy in the evening.
You will also be relieved of the fatigue that would have made you too tired to exercise in the past. Instead, you will now have a burst of energy that will energize everything you do. Probably the biggest benefit you will
Get from exercise is that it will develop the pro-activity muscles of your first habit. The forces that keep you away from exercising when you Exercising based on the life value of physical health instead of reacting to them
Will have a deep impact on your self-esteem, your confidence, your integrity and your paradigm about yourself. The renewal of the spiritual dimension provides a leader to your life. Habits are closely related. The spiritual dimension is your center. Life is your
Commitment to a system of values. This is a very personal area of life and most importantly it draws strength from sources that inspire you, uplift you and connect to the eternal reality of all humanity and people do this in very different ways I receive renewal from regular prayerful meditation on the scriptures
Because they represent my system of life values when I read and meditate on the scriptures I feel rejuvenated with energy and strength. I become focused on service and am committed to it. Immersion in great literature or great music can provide a similar emotional renewal to many people. Some Others
Find it in communication with nature. Those who immerse themselves in nature, nature showers them with blessings when you leave behind the noise and bustle and immerse yourself in the rhythms and rhythms of nature. You come back new and for some time you are very
Remain quiet and still until the noise and bustle of the outside slowly encroaches on your sense of inner peace. Arthur Garden tells the surprisingly intimate story of his spiritual renewal in his short story The Turn of the Tye. This is
His life. It is about the period when he started to feel that everything had become rosy and woo, his enthusiasm had waned, his writing efforts were not succeeding and the situation was getting worse day by day. Eventually he consulted a doctor. After finding no physical abnormalities, the doctor asked him
If he could follow his instructions for a day. When Gordon agreed, the doctor told him to spend the next day in a place where He was happiest in his childhood. The doctor said that he could eat food but he was not to talk to anyone,
Read, write or listen to the radio. Then the doctor wrote four introductions and asked him to read them one by one. 9 12 Garden asked, “Are you serious? When you get my bill, you won’t think I was having fun. ” He has gone mad
. How could he listen for three hours but he had promised to follow the doctor’s instructions so he listened. He heard the normal sounds of the sea and birds. After some time he heard some more sounds which were not so clear at first.
As he listened, he began to think about the lessons the ocean had taught him as a child: Patience, Respect, and the awareness that things are interdependent. He began to listen to the sounds and the silence, and he felt a growing sense of peace.
That afternoon, he opened the second scroll. But it was written, try to reach back. He thought about what, try to reach back, maybe till childhood, maybe till the memories of happy times. He thought about his childhood, about many small moments of happiness. He thought about those moments. Tried to remember well
And in the process of remembering he felt enthusiasm filling within him : At o’clock he opened the third sheet. The tasks till now were easy but this one was different. It was written on it ‘Check your objectives’. At first he Put into defensive mode, they thought about the things they wanted: success, prestige,
Security, and they justified them all. But then the thought came to their minds that these goals were not good enough and that perhaps within them lay the answer to their passive state. He thought deeply about his purpose. He thought about past happiness and finally he found the answer.
He writes: In a cone of certainty, I saw that if a person’s purpose is wrong then nothing can go right. It doesn’t matter whether you are a postman, a barber, an insurance agent or a housewife. It doesn’t matter what you are as long as you feel
That you are serving others, you do the job well when you are just helping yourself. If you are worried about doing things, you do the work less well. This rule is as steadfast as the
Law of gravity. When it was 6 o’clock, it didn’t take much time to follow the instructions written on the last page. It was written on it. Write your worries on the sand Garden knelt down and wrote a few words with a piece of broken shell Then he turned and walked away
He didn’t look back He knew the tide would come Investing time in spiritual renewal But this is an activity of quarter to two that we really don’t have time to neglect. The great reformer Matt Luther said, “I’ve got a lot of work to do today, so I’ll
Have to sit on my knees an hour longer.” For him, prayer was not a mechanical duty but an outpouring of liberating and multiplying power of his energy. A Jain Guru of the Far East always had a look of deep peace on his face, no matter
How much pressure he had to face. Someone asked him how he maintains this peace. He said, “I never leave the place of my meditation. He used to meditate early in the morning and
Keep the peace of those moments in his heart and mind for the whole day. The message is this.” That when we take the time to connect with the leadership center of our lives as a source of supply and consider what the true meaning of life is, it covers
Everything else like an umbrella. This is our renewal. refreshes us especially when we use it Recommit This is why I consider a personal mission statement so important. If we have a deep understanding of our center and goal, we can review it often and recommit to it.
In our daily spiritual renewal we can You can mentally process daily events and live them in harmony with life values. Religious leader David O. Macon taught that life’s greatest battles are fought every day in the silent chambers of the soul. If you win the battle there, if you
Once you resolve the issues of conflict within, you will find a sense of peace or a sense of knowing what your true purpose is and you will find that public victories will naturally follow because you have then learned to think collaboratively and promote the welfare and well-being of others. There will be
A tendency to give and be genuinely happy at the successes of others. The Mental Dimension Most of our mental development and study discipline comes through formal education. But as soon as we leave the external discipline of school many of us begin to stress our minds. We no longer pursue serious study.
We no longer explore new topics outside our field in real depth. We no longer think analytically. We stop writing. We instead waste our time watching TV, surveys show. In most homes, television is on for 35 to 45 hours a week. This duration
Is equal to the time spent by most people in their jobs. This duration is more than the time spent by most children in their schools and colleges. TV Today The most powerful is social influence and when we see it we are exposed to the life values being taught through it. They
Can have a powerful impact on us in very subtle and invisible ways. The Influencers of the Third Habit for Watching TV Wisely It requires self-management that enables you to discern and choose informative, motivating and entertaining programs that best express and fulfill your purpose and life values. In our family we watched TV
Seven hours a week. We had a family meeting in which we discussed and considered what was happening in families because of TV. We found that when any
Member of the family became defensive When people are not in the mood or are not in the mood to argue, then having such discussions in the family makes the members realize that they have become addicted to TV serials,
They have developed a disease of dependency or they have got into the habit of continuously consuming a particular program. I am grateful to TV for many high quality educational and entertainment programs that can enrich our lives and contribute meaningfully to our goals and objectives, but there
Are many programs that just waste our time. And they contaminate us and our minds too, and there are many that have a negative impact on us if we allow them to do so. The very core of the body, the television,
Is a good servant but a bad master. We need to practice the third habit. and the need to manage oneself effectively so as to make the most of a resource to achieve one’s objectives. Education Continuing education is the continuous sharpening of the mind
And its continuous expansion. It is an extremely important mental renewal. Many times it involves activities outside the classroom. Discipline or a systematic program of study is often involved, but this is often not the case. Proactive people can find many ways to educate themselves.
Training your mind to step aside and examine your own programs is extremely valuable, in my opinion. The definition of liberal education is the ability to examine the program of life by keeping in mind big questions, objectives and other paradigms. Training without such education narrows and
Blunts the mind so that the assumptions underlying the training can never be examined. Reading widely and exposing yourself to great minds is so valuable. There ‘s no better way to increase and expand your brain’s knowledge than to get into the habit of reading good literature on a regular basis. This is another high-impact
Quadrant Two. Activity is You Can Get Inside the Best Minds of the Present or Past I want to strongly suggest that you start by aiming to read one book a month then one every two weeks. Book Then a book a week The person who doesn’t read is no
Better off than the person who can’t read Quality Literature Quality Complete Literature i.e. Great Books Harvard Classics Biographies National Geographic and other publications broaden our cultural awareness Different fields Current literature can broaden our paradigm and sharpen our mental compass especially if we
Practice the fifth habit while reading and first try to understand what the author has to say if we are to truly understand it. Before we even make an initial assessment and use our own autobiography, we limit the benefits of reading. Writing is another powerful way to sharpen your mental skills.
Journal of your thoughts, experiences, insights, and lessons learned. Creating or journaling increases mental clarity, accuracy and context Writing good letters Communicating at a deeper level of thoughts and feelings rather than at the superficial level of events Thinking clearly Our ability to reason accurately and be understood effectively Enhances organizing and planning
Ties in with the second and third habits Represents other forms of mental renewal It is starting with an end in mind and becoming mentally capable of organizing to achieve that end This is to exercise
The imagination of your mind and the power of creating mental pictures right from the beginning with the end in mind. You may not see the entire journey in terms of steps but at least you have to see them in the form of principles. It is said that battles
Are won in the commander’s tent. Sharpening the R in the first three dimensions, physical, spiritual and mental, is a practice I call daily personal victory and I suggest you do an hour or so of simple practice every day. There is
No other way to spend an hour a day every day for the rest of your life that can compare to a daily personal victory in terms of value and results. It will affect every decision you make, every relationship. It will affect the quality and well-being of every other hour of the day.
The effect will greatly enhance the kata, including the depth and restfulness of your sleep. It will increase long-term physical, spiritual and mental strength so that you can face the difficult challenges of life. In the words of Phillips Books
, you will be able to resist temptation some day in the years to come. You may be wrestling or trembling under some great calamity of your life, but the real struggle is just now in deciding whether in the day of your greatest sorrow or temptation you will lose miserably
Or win gloriously. Character cannot be built without a regular long process [Music] Social or emotional dimension Physical spiritual and mental dimensions are closely related to the first second and third habits and personal life vision focuses on the principles of leadership and management On the other hand, social Or the emotional dimension
Focuses on the fourth, fifth and sixth habits, i.e. interpersonal leadership, on the principles of interpersonal communication and constructive collaboration. The social and emotional dimensions of our lives are interconnected because even if our emotional lives are not complete, they are fundamentally based on our relationships with others. Renewal
Of our social or emotional dimensions does not take the same time as other dimensions. We can do this in our normal everyday interactions with others, but it certainly takes practice. It happens that we may have to force ourselves because many of us have
Not achieved the level of personal victory and the abilities of the fourth, fifth and sixth habits of public victory that must come naturally to our entire behavior. Suppose you are a key person in my life. You can be my boss, my
Subordinate, my co-worker, my friend, my neighbor, my life partner, my children, or my distant relative. You can be anyone with whom I would like to behave or be treated. Suppose we need to talk, work together, discuss some difficult matter, achieve some goal or solve a problem,
But we look at things in different ways, we look through different eyes, you see a girl and Acquit me lady. In such a situation I practice the fourth habit. I come to you and say I can see that we are looking at this situation from different angles
So why don’t we agree that we will communicate until we find a solution that we both agree on. Would you like to do this? Most people will answer yes to this question. Then I move on to the fifth habit. First, I listen to you. Instead of listening with the intention of responding,
I listen to you to understand your paradigm deeply and completely. When I can articulate your point of view as well as you can, then I focus on giving you my point of view so that you can also understand my point of view better. Resolved to find a workable solution and
With a deeper understanding of each other’s perspective, we move to the sixth habit. We work together to resolve our differences of opinion and find a third option that will help us both in our initial journey. Sound better than proposals or suggestions [music] Success in the fourth, fifth and sixth habits
Is not fundamentally a matter of logic. It is fundamentally a matter of emotion. It is deeply connected to our sense of personal security. If our personal security comes from sources within us. We have the power to practice the habits of public victory, but if we are intellectually rich but emotionally
Insecure, then we have the power to practice the habits of the fourth, fifth and sixth habits with people who think differently from us on important issues of life. It can be scary to experiment. Where does inner security come from? It doesn’t come from what other people
Think about us or how they treat us. It doesn’t come from the stereotypes we’ve been given. It doesn’t come from our circumstances or It doesn’t even come from position. It comes from within us. It
Comes from broken paradigms and true principles deep within our own hearts and minds. It comes from consistency inside and out. It comes from living a life of integrity in which our daily Habits reflect our deepest low life values. I believe that living a healthy life
Is the most fundamental source of self-esteem. I do not agree with the popular success literature that says that self-esteem is fundamentally a matter of mindset or attitude and how you feel about yourself. You can get mental peace by being psychologically motivated. Mental peace can be achieved only when your life
Is in harmony with true principles and life values. Apart from this, mental peace cannot be achieved in any other way. Internal security can be achieved in an effective interdependent manner. There are also consequences to living. There is security in the knowledge that win-win solutions do exist, that life is not always either/or and that there are almost always mutually beneficial third options. There
Is security in the knowledge that You can step outside of your own frame of reference and truly understand the other person on a deeper level. Safety comes when you interact with other people in an honest, constructive, and supportive manner and are able to
Truly understand the other person. Dependent habits actually experience inner security that comes from serving and helping others in a meaningful way. One great source of this is your name. When you see yourself as contributing and creative, you can truly make a difference. Another source in the form of secret service is that
No one knows about it and it is not necessary that anyone should know about it in the future also. We do not worry about this. Our basic concern is to make the life of others happy. Our aim is reputation. It is not to achieve but to have an impact. Ter Faikal
Focused on the need for meaning and purpose in life that is bigger than our lives and harnesses the best energy within us. The late Dr. Hans Selye was the original author in his seminal research on stress. Rupp says that a long, healthy and happy life
Is the result of contributing and participating in meaningful projects that are personally exciting, that contribute to and benefit the lives of others. His motto was Earn the Love of Thy Neighbor. In the words of George Bernard Shaw, the true happiness in life is to be used for a purpose which you
Believe powerful. This is the true power of nature. Strength does not consist in becoming a selfish heap full of sorrows and complaints. Keep crying about the fact that the world is not coming together to make you happy
I believe that my life belongs to the entire society and as long as I am living it, it is my privilege to do whatever I can for the society. I want it to be fully utilized till my death. I want to work as hard as I can. The harder I work, the
More I live. I rejoice in life for the sake of it. Life is not a small candle for me. It is a kind of grand torch that I hold at this moment and before passing it on to the future generations. wanna shine as bright as possible
[music] Ann Elder Tunner said service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth and there are so many ways to serve no matter what church or Whether we are associated with a service organization or not or whether we
Have any work that provides an opportunity for meaningful service or not, there is never a day in which we cannot serve another person by depositing unconditional love. Writing scripts for others. Most people are social. Their
Script is a result of the mirror. The opinions of those around them are written from the perceptions and paradigms. You and I, as interdependent individuals, come from a paradigm that includes the realization that we
Are part of the social mirror. We view others as theirs. We can choose to provide clear and undistorted reflection. We can encourage their proactive nature and treat them as responsible individuals. We can help them script them as principle-oriented, self-reliant and important individuals. Having a mindset of abundance and abundance helps us realize that
Giving positive feedback to others does not diminish or worsen us; it only enhances us because it increases the opportunities for effective interactions with other proactive people. What if someone in your life showed you faith when you didn’t believe in yourself? Did they write your script? Did that make a difference in your life?
What if you wrote other people’s positive scripts and supported them as they went down, guided by the social mirror? You inspire them to go on the upward path because you believe in them. You listen to them and sympathize with them. You do not relieve them of responsibility, but you Encouraging them to be
Proactive They are all supporting her current life style but this poet Samant sees something else in her which is very beautiful and lovely and sees her qualities and encourages them with all her might and again and again he gives her a new name Dal
Saniya . A new name associated with a new paradigm. At first she completely rejects it because his old scripts are so powerful. She considers him to be a crazy fantasist who has lost his mind but he continues to try, unconditionally. There is a steady deposit of love and slowly it
Penetrates the woman’s script. It goes deep into her true nature and her soul and she starts taking action. Slowly she starts changing her lifestyle. She believes in it and starts working according to her new paradigm, which initially disappoints the rest of her life. Later,
When she again starts returning to her old paradigm, the feudal lord calls her on his death bed. And sings a beautiful song The impossible dream The impossible dream He looks into her eyes and whispers Never forget that you are a dull Sania One of the best incidents in the field of self-fulfilling prophecies
Is of a computer in England whose accident The programming was wrong in the educational context, it declared smart kids stupid and dumb kids smart, and this computer report became the primary yardstick based on which teachers made judgments about their students at the beginning of the year when the administration took over. Months later,
When the mistake was finally discovered, they decided to re-test the children. No one was told what kind of mistake had been made. The test results were astonishing. The children who were intelligent but those who were declared stupid had IQs. They were considered mentally limited, uncooperative and incapable of learning
. The teachers’ paradigms had become a self-fulfilling prophecy, but the stupid children who were considered intelligent had their marks increased greatly. The teachers had treated them as if they were intelligent, so the teachers’ energy, hope, optimism and Adventure instilled high personal hopes and sense of self in children. These teachers were asked
How they felt in the first few weeks of the year. They responded that for some reason our methods were not working so we had to change our methods. They were told this The idea was that the children were intelligent , so if they were not getting the right results, the teachers thought there
Was something wrong with the way they were delivering education, so they worked on their methods, they became proactive, they worked within their circle of influence to educate the learners. The glaring incompetence was nothing but more or less the teacher’s lack of flexibility. What reflection we give others about them and
How much that reflection affects their lives. We have a lot that we invest in other people ‘s emotional bank accounts. The more we can see people in terms of their hidden potential, the more we can use imagination rather than memory with them. With our spouses, with our children, with our colleagues or
Employees, we label them. We can see them in new ways every time we are with them. We can help them become self-reliant and satisfied individuals who are capable of building satisfying, rich and successful deep relationships with others. Ho Goethe taught that if you treat a man as he is, he
Will remain as he is, but if you treat a man as he could and should be, he will become what he is . It can and must happen [Music] Balance in Renewal The process of self-renewal must include a balanced renewal in all four dimensions of our nature. These four dimensions are physical,
Spiritual, mental and social. Although renewal in each dimension is important, it is not just We are most effective when we interact across all four dimensions in an intelligent and balanced manner. Neglecting any one area has a negative impact on all the others.
I have found this to be true for both organizations and individuals. The physical dimension is expressed in economic terms. The mental or psychological dimension is concerned with identifying and developing abilities and using them. The social or emotional dimension is concerned with human relationships, i.e.
How people are treated, and the spiritual dimension is concerned with goals. Or contribution that is related to finding meaning through organizational integrity. When an organization neglects one or more of these areas it has a negative impact on the entire organization. The creative energy that can result can generate tremendous positive synergy.
It can be used to fight against the organization and it can become a force that blocks growth and productivity. I have also seen organizations whose sole objective is economic i.e. making money. They generally do not publicize this objective and many Sometimes they promote something else but the only desire in their heart
Is to make money. Whenever I see this, I also see a lot of negative synergy in the culture of that organization which creates many bad things. Such as competition in departments, defensive communication, manipulation and brain tricks and strategies. We cannot become rich through influence without earning money but this
Is not a sufficient reason for the existence of the organization. We cannot live without eating but we do not live to eat. On the other hand, I have also seen organizations that focus almost entirely on the social or emotional dimension. In this way they are
Social experiments and have no economic parameters in their life value system. They have no yardstick to measure their impact. As a result, they lose all kinds of skills and ultimately their usefulness in the market. I have seen many organizations that develop these three dimensions.
They may have good service standards and may have good financial standards. and may be good standards of human relations, but what they actually entail is a determination to recognize, develop, utilize, and respect people’s abilities. And if this scientific force is not there, then
The style of leadership will remain a benevolent autocracy. As a result, in their culture we see the reflection of many deep long-term and cultural problems such as mass resistance, many employees leaving the organization or The individual’s influence requires the wise and
Balanced development and renewal of all four dimensions. Any dimension that is neglected creates a negative force field of resistance that is opposed to the influence and growth that the organization and the individual are achieving. Recognizes all four dimensions in the mission statement Provides a powerful framework for balanced renewal
This process of continuous improvement is the hallmark of the Total Quality Movement and is the key to Japan’s economic rise Synergy in Renewal Balanced renewal is completely synergistic [Music] The work done to sharpen your Arya in this dimension has a positive effect on other dimensions because all dimensions are deeply interconnected.
Your physical health affects your mental health. Your spiritual strength. Your social or emotional strength. Affects _ _ _ Increases your ability to live a habit and although these habits are sequential, but according to the principle of synergy, one habit increases your ability to follow other habits. The more proactive you are
, the more effectively. You can practice personal leadership and management in your life. The more effectively you manage your life, the more you can do the renewal activities of Quarton Two. The more you try to understand first. The more effectively you can move toward synergistic win-win solutions,
The more you improve any habit that leads to self-reliance, the more effective you will be in interdependent situations. And renewal is the process of renewing all habits. When you renew your physical dimension, you strengthen your personal vision of life. You strengthen your paradigm of self-awareness and self-reliant will.
You become aware that you are free to do things rather than have things done to you. And you are free to choose your reaction to any stimulus. This is perhaps the greatest benefit of physical practice. Each daily personal victory is deposited into your personal security account. When you renew your spiritual dimension, you
Strengthens leadership. You increase your ability to live according to your imagination and conscience instead of your memory. You begin to deeply understand your work paradigm and life values. You create a center of right principles within yourself. You achieve your unique purpose in life. Rewrite your script for living
In harmony with the right principles and develop your personal sources of power. In spiritual renewal you create a rich personal life that makes tremendous deposits into your personal security account when When you renew your mental dimension, you strengthen your personal management. When you plan, you
Force your brain to identify high-impact Quadrant Two activities and prioritize goals and activities so that you can achieve your Make the most of your time and energy, and organize and execute your activities around your priorities. As you progress in this continuing education, you expand your knowledge base, your options, your
Financial security, your job. It is inherent in your ability to produce, think, learn, create and adapt. This is true economic self-reliance. It does not mean being rich but having the power to earn money. It is inherent
In daily personal victory, in the renewal of physical, spiritual and mental dimensions. Devoting at least an hour every day is the key to developing the seven habits and it’s entirely within your circle of influence. It’s this time focused on Quadrant Two
That is needed for these habits to fully take off in your life and become principles. It is also the foundation of daily public victory. It is the source of inner security needed to sharpen the R in the social or emotional dimension. It gives you the personal strength to focus
On your circle of influence in interdependent situations. ] Being able to look at others with the dime of an abundance mindset, being able to truly value their differences of opinion, and being able to rejoice in their successes gives you a real understanding of the
Fourth, fifth, and sixth habits of working toward that synergistic win-win solution and interdependent reality. Upward Mukhi Chakra renewal is both a principle and a process. It gives us the power to constantly improve. Ascent to the upward chakra of growth and change provides
Us with renewal for meaningful and sustained progress in this cycle. Another aspect that needs to be considered is our conscience or conscience. It is related to the unique human talent that drives this energy-oriented movement.
In the words of Madame Tel, the voice of conscience is so quiet that it is easy to suppress but it is so It is also clear that it is impossible to make a mistake in recognizing this. Prudence is that talent which senses whether we
Are walking in accordance with the right principles or not and when it is in the right position, it lifts us towards them, just as Physical and muscular education is essential for an excellent athlete. Just as brain education
Is essential for an astute student, similarly education of discretion is essential for a truly pro-active and highly effective person. However, there is too much concentration and too much balance in the education and training of discretion. Discipline and a lot of consistent honest living
Are required. This includes regularly reading motivational literature, thinking good thoughts, and most of all, living in harmony with that still voice. Just as lack of exercise and fast can ruin an athlete’s physical ability. Similarly, low-quality pornographic material can create an inner darkness that
Numbs our higher senses of what is right and what is wrong, so that a natural or divine conscience is replaced by a social conscience like “Will I be caught?” In the words of Dag Hammers Cole: You cannot play with the animal within you without becoming an animal. You
Cannot play with lies without seizing the possession of the truth. You cannot play with cruelty without losing the sensitivity of your brain . The man who keeps his garden Wants to be kept neat and tidy and leaves no bed reserved for weeds. Once we become self aware
We must choose the purposes and principles by which we will live otherwise the vacuum will fill and we will lose our self awareness and become creepers. Will become like animals who basically live just to survive and reproduce. People who are at that level are not living. They are being lived. They
Are just reacting because they don’t have those unique talents. Know that what is lying dormant and undeveloped within them and there is no shortcut to develop them. The law of harvest always works. We will always reap what we have sown, no
More, no less. The law of justice is immutable and we correct ourselves. The closer we keep to the principles, the better our judgments about how the world works and the more error-free our paradigms will be. I believe that as we move forward on this energy-oriented cycle, we will
More effort will have to be made in the process of renewal through educating the conscience and obeying its commands . A constantly educating conscience will lead us forward on the path of personal freedom, security, wisdom and power.
We need to go above the Urd Mukhi Chakra. Learning at higher levels requires more willpower and doing . We deceive ourselves if we think that any one of these is enough. To keep progressing we need to learn, resolve and do. Learn, resolve and do. Will and relearning Making resolutions and do’s
Tips to implement One Make a list of activities that will help keep you in good physical condition that fit into your lifestyle and that you can enjoy for a long time Two of these activities Choose one of these
And write it down as a goal for your personal role area on the list for the next week. Evaluate your work at the end of the week. If you did not reach your goal, was it because of this? That you subordinated it to a truly higher life value or that you
Failed to act with integrity to your life values. Three Make a similar list of renewing activities in your spiritual and mental dimensions and in your social-emotional sphere. List the relationships you want to improve or specific situations in which public victory would yield greater impact. Choose one activity in each area
And list it as a goal for the week. Implement and Evaluate. Four Commit to writing down specific activities that sharpen your R skills across all four dimensions each week and evaluate your work and results Next Chapter Again Inside Out Again I
‘d like to tell you a personal story that shows how I think this The gist of the book is, I hope, that you will be able to relate to the principles it contains. A few years ago, I
Took study leave from the university where I taught. I spent a year with my family on the North Shore of Ohio, Hawaii. But after settling down well in Lay, we developed a routine of living and working which was not only very beneficial but also enjoyable.
After a morning run on the beach, we used to send our two children to school barefoot and in half pants. I used to go to a deserted building near the sugarcane fields where I made my office for writing work. The environment here
Was very beautiful and peaceful. No phones, no meetings, no stressful busy schedules. My office was at the turn of a college. But one day when I was passing by the stack of books in the back part of the college library, I fell upon a book which attracted my attention. As soon as I
Opened it, my eyes stopped at a paragraph which changed my life. I read that paragraph over and over again. It basically contained the simple idea that there is a space between stimulus and response and that the key to both our growth and happiness is that we remain in that space.
I can’t describe the impact this idea of how to use space had on me. I was brought up with a life philosophy of self-determinism, yet it was the way this idea was put into words that appealed to me . It affected me deeply and with almost incredible power.
It was almost as if I knew it for the first time, as if a revolution had taken place within me, an idea whose time had come. I thought of it again and again and it changed the course of my life. It seemed as if I
Had become an observer of my own participation. I began to stand in that empty space and look at outside stimuli. I was immersed in this inner feeling of freedom that I was able to react to myself. could choose, or even trigger, or at least influence,
Or even overturn it. Shortly thereafter, and in part because of this revolutionary idea, S and I began practicing deep communication. A little before noon, Sra Ko used to sit on her old red Honda 9 bicycle. We also took our two small children with us, one used to sit between us and
The other on my left knee in the sugarcane fields near my office. We rode the bicycle for about an hour and kept talking . The children enjoyed the ride and did not make any noise at all. We rarely saw another vehicle and the bicycle did not make any noise at all.
We used to talk to each other. Could hear things easily. Usually we used to stop at the beach where we parked the hoa and walked about 200 yards to reach the designated place and had lunch. Sandy beach. Fresh water river coming from the island. It is completely safe for children. So
Sanra and I continued our discussion without any interruption. Perhaps it doesn’t take much imagination to imagine that our mutual understanding would be enhanced by at least two hours of deep communication every day for a year. And how much the level of trust must have increased.
In the beginning we used to talk on all kinds of interesting issues, people, thoughts, events, children, my writing, our family at home, future plans etc. Gradually our communication deepened and we started talking about our inner world. We started talking more about our parenting, our scripting, our emotions and self-doubts.
As we delved deeper into these communications, we also observed them. We began to use the space between stimulus and response in new and interesting ways. This led us to think about how we were programmed and how these programs shaped our way of seeing the world. How the vision was shaped We
Started on a thrilling adventure into our inner world. We found it more thrilling, more attractive, more interesting, more captivating and full of discovery and end in sight than anything in the heavy world. Everything about it was sweet and pleasant. Not only that , we touched a weak nerve at times, but we
Also had some painful and painful self-expression experiences that made us very open and vulnerable with each other. Yet we found that we had wanted to do this for years. As we went into and out of the deeper and more tender issues, we realized that somehow
Our suffering had ended. We supported each other so much in the beginning, helped so much, encouraged and showed so much compassion that we Nurtured each other ‘s inner searches and took them forward. Gradually we made two basic rules. The first was no investigation.
As soon as someone opened the inner layers of insecurity, we were not to ask him any questions. It was only in the state of paranu bhooti that there was a lot of investigation. It would have been aggressive, it would have been very controlling
And also very logical. We were moving into new and difficult territory that was scary and uncertain and created fear and doubt within us. We wanted to travel more in it but we agreed to open up to each other in our own time. The second basic rule was that when the experience
Was too painful or painful, we would leave the issue unfinished for that day and then either pick it up the next day or wait until We kept the unfinished things together until the person narrating it was ready to start again
Because we knew we wanted to deal with them because we had enough time and the right environment to do so because we observed our own involvement. We were very excited about our relationship and the growth of our married life so
We knew that sir we had to deal with these unresolved issues and somehow put an end to them. The hardest and ultimately the most beneficial part of this kind of communication came when my And S’s insecurities touched each other because we were connected personally so we found that
There was not only a space between stimulus and response but some bad feelings came to the surface but our deepest desire and our implicit agreement was that Let’s pick up where we left off and face those feelings until we sort them out.
One of those difficult times was related to a fundamental copy of my personality. My father was a very introverted man, very controlling and very careful. My mother is very social, outgoing and easy-going. I find both tendencies within me. When I feel insecure, I tend to become an introvert like my father.
I go within myself and observe in a safe manner. Sandra is a lot like my mother. Socially honest and easy-going. We have gone through many experiences over the years in which I felt her openness was inappropriate and she felt that my control
Was inappropriate both socially and personally because I used to be insensitive to the feelings of others. All this and much more came out on those deep journeys. I was impressed by Sarah’s insight and wisdom, which helped me become a more open, more generous, more sensitive and more social person. Another difficult time
Had to do with what I believed to be some obsession of S’s that had been bothering me for years. It seemed he was obsessed with Fiji Dear appliances for reasons I couldn’t quite fathom. We wouldn’t even think about buying the company’s appliances.
When we were starting out and our budget was very tight, she still insisted that we travel 50 miles to a big city where Physio plans were sold because at the time our small university No shopkeeper in the town stocked them.
This was a matter of great stress for me. Fortunately, this situation only occurred when we bought one from Apla. But when it did appear, it was like a stimulus that produced a strong red light response. This issue seemed to be a symbol of all irrational thinking
And it used to generate many negative emotions in me. I usually went into my inappropriate introverted behavior. I thought the best way to deal with a problem was to just not face it, otherwise I would lose control and say things I
Shouldn’t have. There were times like this. When I lost my temper and said something negative and had to apologize later, what troubled me most was not the fact that she liked these plans, but the fact that she was constantly being
Extremely irrational in favor of them. And she said ridiculous things that were baseless. If she accepted that her reaction was illogical and purely emotional then I think I could tolerate it. But her justifying herself wouldn’t have turned me on. The issue of anger came up. All the previous communication
Had prepared us. The ground rules were deeply established. No probing and if the issue became too much for one or both of us, then it could be left for that day. I will never forget the day when we talked openly about this issue. That day we did not stop at the beach but
Kept roaming in the sugarcane fields on bicycles, perhaps because we did not want to make eye contact with each other. Long psychology of this issue There was history, there were a lot of bad feelings attached to it and it was buried deep for a long time.
It wasn’t important enough to put a strain on the relationship. But when you are trying to build a beautiful unitary relationship, every point of difference is important. What we learned in that discussion surprised both Sandra and me ; it was truly synergistic. It seemed as if Sandra herself
Was learning the reason for her so-called eccentricity for the first time. She started talking about her father and how in high school Iha worked as a teacher and coach for years and had to go into business to support his family. When the economic recession came,
He faced serious financial difficulties. He would have been ruined but in those difficult times. Their business survived only because Fizz Dare financed their inventory. Sandra had a very deep and warm relationship with her father. When he returned home tired in the evening, he would lie down on the bed and her
Would caress his feet and sing to him. She used to tell that it was a beautiful time, which both of them enjoyed almost every day for years. The father
Used to talk openly about his business concerns and told the wife that he was very grateful to Fire whose financial help was the reason why he got through the difficult times. This communication between father and daughter happened in a very natural and spontaneous way. When the most powerful scripts are written,
In those moments of rest, our defenses are relaxed, hence all kinds of images and thoughts enter the depths of our subconscious mind. Sandra had probably forgotten this until it came out very naturally and naturally in that year’s communication. Sandra gained tremendous insight into herself and then became aware of the
Deep roots of her feelings about others. Turns out I also gained knowledge and developed a new level of respect. I realized that Sandra wasn’t talking about plans. She was talking about her father and his loyalty to her father’s needs. About Loyalty I remember that day we both had tears in our eyes,
Not just because of the knowledge gained, but because of the increased respect we felt for each other. That day we learned that what often seems insignificant Things like these are rooted in deep emotional experiences. To deal only with superficial small talk without looking at the deeper and more tender issues
Is like trampling on the sacred ground of someone’s heart. We got many benefits from those months of communication. May our communication be so powerful. We understood each other’s thoughts immediately. When we left Hawaii, we resolved to continue this relationship. Years later, we
Regularly go out on our Honda Trail bicycles just to talk, this time when the weather is bad. Get in the car We realize that the key to staying in love is communication, especially about feelings. We try to talk to each other several times a day,
Even when I’m traveling. It’s a way. It is like touching home, which makes accessible all the comforts, security and values of life which it represents. Thomas Wolfe was wrong in saying that now you can go home again, provided that your home is a valuable relationship, a valuable companion.
What Sera and I discovered in that wonderful year, living between different generations, was the space between stimulus and response and the ability to experiment in partnership with the four unique talents of our human nature, which gave us the power to work from the inside out. Earlier we had tried the outside-in strategy. We
Loved each other and we had tried to resolve our differences by controlling our attitudes and behavior and using useful techniques of human behavior. But these bandits And Aspen could last only for a short time unless we reached the level of our basic paradigm and did hard work and communication. The
Long standing problems did not go away and apart from this, we also made the difference of opinion becoming a hindrance and permanently. We were also successful in solving what could never have been possible through an outside-in approach. A win-win relationship.
A deep understanding of each other. An amazing synergy. These delicious fruits came from the roots that we nurtured when we started our programs. Rewrote our script of inquiry and managed our lives so that we made time for the important activity of Quadrant Two of communicating deeply with each other
, and we saw other results as well. We were able to see this at a much deeper level . That just as our parents had such a powerful impact on our lives, we too are influencing and shaping the lives of our children, even if we are acting in ways we don’t even realize.
After understanding the power of scripting in our own lives, a new desire arose in our minds that whatever we hand over to our future generations should be based on the right principles both in terms of policy and example. I have addressed the wrong script handed down in this book. Special
Attention has been drawn to things that we want to change proactively but if we carefully examine our scripting, many of us will also see beautiful and positive scripts within ourselves that we never appreciated True Self Awareness Our It helps us to be grateful for these scripts and those who came before us and
Nurtured our principle-based lifestyles as a reflection not only of who we are but also of what we can become . There is tremendous power in a strong intergenerational family. An effectively interdependent family of children, parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and sisters
Can powerfully help people understand who they are, where they are coming from, and who they are. Stand up for principles. It’s very beneficial for children to feel connected to their community. They feel that many people know and care about them, even if they are spread across the country
. This can be a huge benefit when you are raising a family. If any of your children are facing difficulties and are not able to express their feelings to you at a particular stage of their life, then it may be that Those who can express their feelings to your brother or sister,
Who can become their representative, father or mother, guide or hero for some time. Grandparents who take great interest in their grandchildren are one of the most valuable people in this world. My mother can be a wonderful positive social mirror. My mother is like this. Although she
Is over 85, she still takes a deep personal interest in each of her descendants. She writes us loving letters. One day I read her letter on the plane. Tears started streaming down my cheeks. If I call her tonight, I know she will say, Stephen, I want to tell you that I
Love you very much and I think you are a wonderful person. She is always there to support us. A family with strong relationships between generations is one of the most beneficial, meaningful and satisfying interdependent relationships and many people realize the importance of that relationship. Just remember how Roots enthralled us some time ago
. Every one of us has roots and we also have the ability to find and know those roots i.e. our ancestors. The highest and most powerful motivation in doing this is not just for ourselves but for our descendants and for all human beings. As someone has said, we
Can leave only two permanent legacies for our children, one is the roots and the other is wings. To be a person who causes change. I believe that our children and other people Giving wings to the Instead of passing them on to the next generation, we can change them,
And we can do it in a way that strengthens relationships in the process. If your parents beat you, it doesn’t mean that you too should beat your parents. However, there is a lot of evidence available that suggests that you will tend to live according to that script, but because you are proactive,
You can rewrite that script. You can choose how you spank your children. Not to beat them but to support them and script them in a positive way. You can write this in your personal mission statement and in your mind and heart you can visualize
Yourself living in harmony with that mission statement in your daily personal victories. You can take steps to love and forgive your parents and build positive relationships with them by trying to understand them if they are still alive. No matter where it is, it
Can come and stay on you. You are a person who is the agent of change. You are the link between the past and the future and your own change can influence many lives to come. Anwar Sadat’s name is among the people who are agents of change in the 20th century.
Saadab left behind a past that had erected a great wall of suspicion, fear, hatred and misunderstanding between Arabs and Israelis. The future he saw was a conflict. And increasing loneliness certainly seemed possible. They stood firm between that past and the future. Their
Attempts to negotiate a compromise were opposed at every level and objections were raised not only on major issues but also on small issues like formalities. Also raised were debates over inconsequential commas or full stops in the text of the proposed compromises.
While others were thrashing about trying to resolve this tense situation, Sadat drew on his old centralization experiences in a desolate prison cell. And by doing so he changed the course of history for millions of people. He writes in his autobiography: It
Was then that I almost unconsciously resorted to the inner strength which I had developed in Cairo Central Prison. In the closet of numbers I had developed a power of change which you might also call the ability or capacity for change. I found that I
Had a very complex situation before me and I could not hope to change it unless I made myself My thinking about life and human nature had taught me that a person who cannot change his thought structure will never be able to change reality and hence will never be able to progress. True change
Happens from the inside out. It doesn’t happen by attacking patterns of behavior and attitudes through quick-fix techniques of personality-based ethics. It happens by attacking the root of our thinking. The fundamental and fundamental paradigm. But that defines our character and forms the lens through which
We see the world. In the words of L. Moral truth can be generated in thought, there can be feelings about it, there can be a desire to live it. But despite all these efforts to penetrate into the moral truth, it
May remain away from us. Our existence, our nature, the nature of our existence is deeper than our consciousness. Only that truth which enters this last region is molded into our form. What becomes natural becomes Syaas or Niyas. The unconscious as well as the conscious are actually our life, that is, they
Are more than property. As long as we see even a little space between the truth and us, we are free from it . The thought of life, emotion, desire or consciousness remain outside. It cannot actually be life. The goal of life is to become divine. Only then, beyond any possibility of harm,
Can we call the truth our own. It no longer remains outside of us, nor in any way. It lives within us, rather we and it become one, we become them and they become us, with ourselves, with our loved ones, with ourselves. Achieving unity with friends and associates
Is the supreme best and most delicious fruit of the Seven Habits. Most of us have tasted the fruit of this true unity from time to time in the past, just as we have tasted the bitter and lonely fruit of lack of unity. And we know how precious and fragile unity is. Obviously it
Is not easy to build a character of complete integrity and live a life of love and service that creates such unity. It is not fixed, but it is possible. It begins with a desire to center our lives on the right principles. It begins with letting go of unhelpful habits and
The paradigms created by others. Many times we make mistakes and feel embarrassed. But if we daily Start with personal victories and work from the inside out. Results will surely follow. When we sow the seed, patiently weed out and nurture the seed, we begin to experience the thrill of true growth and
Ultimately a We can taste the incomparably sweet fruits of a consistent and effective life. Once again I would like to repeat the statement of Emerson that the work which we keep doing continuously becomes easier not because the nature of the work has become easy
But because it has to be done. Our ability to do has increased. By focusing our lives on the right principles and maintaining a balanced focus between our ability to do and our work, we become empowered to create effective, productive and peaceful lives for ourselves and beyond. A Personal Note for Future Generations
As I conclude this book, I would like to tell you my personal belief. I believe that the true principles are the laws of nature and that God the Father is the source of the true principles. He is also the source of our conscience. My belief. That to the extent that people
Live according to their God-inspired conscience, the more they will be able to develop their human nature, and to the extent that they do not, the more they will sink to the level of animals. I believe that some of the human nature Aspects that cannot
Be reached by ear or education require the power of God to reach them I believe that as human beings we cannot make ourselves ideal or perfect to the extent that we center ourselves on the right principles To that extent will divine talents develop in our human nature and to that extent will we
Be able to fulfill the expectations of our creation. In the words of L’Hard de Chadin, we are not human beings who have had spiritual experience, but spiritual beings who have had human experience. I have found that I personally struggle with most of the things discussed in this book,
But this struggle is rewarding and satisfying. It gives meaning to my life and gives me the strength to love, serve, and try again . T. S. Eliot beautifully expresses my personal search and belief that we must never stop searching and the end of all our searching
Must be to arrive where we started and know that place for the first time. Listen to this book. Thank you very much [music]
9 Comments
Bhai respect bahut acha kam kareheho ❤ from heart
Love you yarr
Really proud of you ❤
Really a appreciable work 👍🏻👍🏻
Heartly respect your work❤
Good work nice voice 🎉❤
Thank you my dear sir❤😊 🥹
Thanks ❤
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