EDIT: Yesterday I had one of the really bad days following how I changed after the arrest in November. Thanks to the boys from my new, coolest audience ever. I promise to keep going, day by day, step by step. And all I can do, is say, I wish myself luck, and everyone else happiness and love too. Thanks at least a million times for love and support!
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I gave it all! Everything I could. I learned so much in the past few years, about myself, about people, about who I really am, what I really want. I finally became happier than ever before, alone, beaten to death, starving, cold, unheard, invisible. But I kept going on, beyond my limits, beyond what I thought was possible. And then there is this strange never ending streak of just pure bad luck, and injustice that should have not happened to anyone. I’ve never felt this way before until I was forced to leave a place called home, and give up on having a family – giving up on my love, dreams, and everything that really kept me going before it all went downhill. This is my last part and last chapter of this story, a dead end. I just can’t go on, not on my own, and not like this.
Thanks for the kindness! Also thanks for everything else!
I did my best! I know I could do better but everything has its own limit, and I’m just too drained and too tired to keep going.
Big hug and lots of love to you all!
My last hopes were given yesterday into this: https://gofund.me/190dd0f4
But as of today, I don’t honestly care anymore whether I get any help and justice from anywhere or not. And once they release the 5EUR someone donated already, I am deleting it anyway. But here for anyone who wants to buy me a beer for my 42nd and last birthday which is in more than a week (I’m not giving it away accurately due to privacy concerns, dead or alive).
He hey oh some people already on the chat I’m sorry I didn’t see anything before hey Twan thanks for being here hey Omen um yeah this is going to be a little bit difficult probably warning in a in advance could also be a language I’m going to try not to bit too juicy
But um yeah so what I’m going to say to begin with um just to clarify a few things I’m not a victim I’m not a beggar and I’m not doing this to um attract any kind of attention especially The Unwanted kinds um main reason why I’m doing this
Is because a lot of people tend to talk a lot about their perfect lives and perfect fake social media as it is so you know how many people talk about the real stuff and at least to my level how many people talk about the stuff that matters
Close To None um my experience with Netherlands generally as a country and people objectively looking was good um I don’t have like bad things to say about people and even if I did I tend to um avoid that because I just generally look at what’s good and what’s
Good inside of them and what’s generally good about stuff so you know it’s a nice country beautiful architecture loads of fun stuff to do um nice places to go to like the seaside um Natural Parks I mean there’s loads of stuff I haven’t even discovered and I don’t know historical
Sites and stuff fact is it’s all flat that’s one part that gets really boring um for the bicycling I think I had most fun bicycling around the sand dunes on the coastline because the rest of it is just freaking straight usually close to the streets and close to the roads and
Stuff and it’s just not that fun I mean yeah you have to be able to find different ways for biking I know there are many really nice routes but you know if you want to get somewhere fast from one place to another you’re going to pick the shortest of
Course um having said that um when I moved here the first thing that hit me and that’s 10 years ago was the rents and not so much the how high the rent was but the fact that getting a flat finding a flat even when you have the
Money you have to freaking be lucky and to begin with I was lucky because I basically what I used was the connections with the colleagues in the company or friends and stuff and I just turned out to be very lucky in terms of finding a flat within a few months or
Sometimes just like that um to be able to pay for the rent standard practice here is like you have to have uh income that is three times the amount of rent for the people to even talk to you and that means individuals or agencies as simple as that so that means if a
Rent is 1 and a half th000 per month which is kind of let’s say pretty much the medium range for a single bedroom or a studio flat most of the cities around Netherlands as far as I’m aware um at least that was that’s the range now but before it was maybe like
300 cheaper so not much difference in 10 years but that’s it um given the fact that most of these kind of ranges they’re not going to be really nice Apartments let’s say um energy levels are going to be pretty low so the the you’re going to pay a lot more in during
The winter for the heating and stuff like that so it’s always going to have its pluses and huge minuses as well um most of the apartments by the standard practice around here they don’t just come unfurnished but whenever you rent an apartment you’ll get no floor so like
Me not being lazy but being more pragmatic and practical I don’t want to freaking keep looking for furniture and stuff and waste a ton of my money every time I’m moving Apartments so I did try to look for flats that were furnished which normally means either a much higher price uh definitely higher
Deposits like two to three months um and then on top of it what most of the time it’s you would get places which have a shortterm contract like six to six months to a year or maybe like really flexible in terms of like Hey we’re actually selling the flat so whenever we
Actually manage to sell it we’re going to give you a month to move out okay cool but then maybe the price gets low a little bit lower then but this is the general experience for my first two years of living here that’s what I had that’s what I got and I considered
Myself self lucky because I was paying a decent price for quite spacious apartment um then after that in between me and my now ex when she got pregnant we decided you know that we should settle somewhere where it’s not so expensive because at the end of the day life here in
Netherlands and particularly cities like Amsterdam and stuff it’s really expensive like to be able to live comfortably even back back then you had to make about 3 and a half thousand after tax these days I think like 5,000 that’s it if you don’t make 5,000 per
Month living in Amsterdam is just a no [ __ ] go area and that’s it um so then even situations with like not just expats but you have a lot of young students and a lot of young people coming here internship uh working as Bart Anders all this kind of stuff so
Basically trying to do their best to survive these people probably they’re living in shared spaces with friends and stuff they do they they have to manage it differently but I’ve never seen anyone saying to me that with what they can earn and what they get unless they
Were really lucky with some kind of tips or stuff like that or they got lucky later with um better paid jobs most of them spent let’s say a year up to two maximum and then they get through burnout and stuff like that and they either go home or they have to find
Help and figure it out somehow but that’s pretty much the the the large majority and people just why you don’t know it because you know nobody talks about it everybody is sharing their perfect pictures and then when things go wrong they just go silent like let’s say
You can see for a few months they will just not post anything that’s what that’s how people are hiding what’s happening to them simple as that um yeah I’m in my house I’m in my boat um I’m not going to show everything because it’s pretty messy I’m really
Because I don’t have the running water all I’ve got is electricity which costs me about 10 to 15 a day right now when it’s really cold because I have an electrical heater um the machine’s not the engine’s not working and stuff so this is really just like a freaking
Shelter it works for me because I generally just really appreciate my privacy uh due to my complex trauma childhood all that crap I honestly admit I do get triggered not so easily but you know at the end of the day when things get I I really don’t like repeating to
Repeating myself to people saying pleading and especially after what I’ve been through like asking people please I need my I need my pece I need my break yeah like you got to stand that and if you don’t sorry get the F out that’s it
And it’s my place I can own it so this is the one thing I have the right to say to people get off my property Chia and if they don’t call the police I mean what can I say and even calling the police still didn’t really prevent from
The worst that happened around here yeah so yeah that’s that the engine doesn’t work was quite unlucky you know it was um when I bought this boat it was uh on the video it was working and everything and the guy who had it said look I I
Have a dead battery I don’t know I I’m going to go home and stuff and it really an honest guy one one Romanian guy not not many of them unfortunately come like him really good guy he sold me the boat with a way that I could pay pay pay him
Off in a few months so I mean genuinely he freaking saved my life to be honest so that this is this boat is a gift even though it’s leaky it’s Rusty it’s it’s not good it’s it’s way too expensive to try and fix it now so um yeah it is what
It is yeah um it’s just unfortunate because we try to to start up the engine I brought a new battery here it just didn’t go um I’ve got a guy who is offering me to basically just take it out and restore it but you know the engine itself I’m going to give it
To him to to to restore it and sell it because I mean what can I do that’s that’s the best I can do with it the boat itself is just uh it’s gone everything’s broken the toilet is not working the the V bir which uh is the
Best place to sleep the most spacious there’s a a wooden hatch on top of it it’s a bit leaky so what I have to cover it is a huge Bean back which doesn’t click any water through but then it also closes the ventilation so it’s not uh
It’s not Airy enough and what happens is either the condensation itself it makes it really humid that’s one and the worst thing that’s happened during this kiaran storm um the the whole pillow got blown away while I was asleep and obviously it freaking poured it poured water into the place
Where I had all of my clothes all of the stuff it’s like on one side I had clothes to wash on the other side I had my um suitcase and backpacks and stuff and clothes that were clean just everything got soaked so basically what I’ve got left is now enough of clothes
That were in another backpack of mine here in the dry area with me and that’s all I’ve got and a broken laptop and a new phone which I had to buy after another one of mine fell into the water and died so yeah I’m freaking lucky right wait that’s not it I mean
[ __ ] [ __ ] oh should I go from the end of this the stuff what I’ve been going through here or from the beginning I I don’t even know man I don’t know it’s it’s ridiculous it’s insane and and I’m surprising myself how strong I turned out to be and all this
Stuff and for the past two months so happy so peaceful so stable I was like wow is this even me like before in life I really I have to admit it was all going up and down I mean what I had no proper parenting no proper guidance no
Friends no like my other parts of the family like this stuff the closest people I was to were is the two cousins of mine from both sides of the family because they would just never judge me they just know who I am they accept me
For who I am and it’s it’s really cool to know these people kind of give you the the Insight of what are the kind of best friends and people that you need because they’re going to tell you the truth but they’re not going to freaking belittle you and send you to places
Where you don’t need to be you know like but the rest of the family like I had to learn through years later that you know I really loved my grandma but she’s passed away like I love my aunties but they all have their own life we all had
A tough life man it’s just difficult to keep connections it’s difficult to feel connected with people it’s like I don’t know probably going to get [ __ ] emotional talking about this I’ve lost my best friends one of them killed himself he was diagnosed with ALS nobody knew nobody [ __ ]
Knew you know those people I was able to talk to never mind even the people I have that I could talk to they all everyone’s far away it’s like I was surrounded by hundreds of people and I felt lonely because I could never explain to people
What I’m going through at home I was just too ashamed felt guilty ashamed in stuff of vir literally realizing only after freaking N9 years that I was abused by a narcissist and God forgive her I mean I know she can’t help herself and it’s not her fault like that’s the freaking reality
And you know to begin with you know 2020 when the neighbors called the police in a house where I was paying €2500 every [ __ ] month for two years at least I think it was more than two years already a week in advance and then 2019 I decided I have to quit these
Really difficult stressful jobs even though they’re well paid I’ve got already two kids um I didn’t know covid was going to hit back then I mean it was predictable but I just wasn’t paying any attention so December 2019 I say I’m quitting I was offered like to pay to be
Paid €1,000 per day to go back and work for Liberty Global in another department and I said guys only part-time because I want to focus on my family more they said no so yeah and few weeks later bang every everything goes into lockdown that’s exactly when my grandma died also
Like if I could have even remotely known what’s going to follow I would have sold my [ __ ] soul for those thousand EUR a day ridiculous the moment I called the landlord yeah the the lady can I call her a lady I don’t think
So but I’m going to be as nice as I can be I said so so I call her I’m like sorry but I it’s going to be difficult like I’m trying now I’m going to try to get back on my feet take any job that I
Can it shouldn’t be difficult I always I was picking jobs not picking me picking jobs I was saying no while I was already working I was saying to Head Hunters no I just can’t take your offer I don’t care that you want to double it but I’m
Loyal I don’t do deals like that you know like I just got accepted and promoted in six months to a technical lead and guys call me we’re going to pay you double what they pay I’m sorry I’m not a [ __ ] [ __ ] you know like I don’t know hard
[ __ ] so yeah it wasn’t that easy to get a job again again clearly and then of course I also realized that for you know like 20 years I was too quiet about what’s really going on around the world the truth the reality and that we’re living in a
Goddamn Matrix and the media is lying and the governments are lying and everybody is just pulling your goddamn leg trying to work for people who have nothing good for us in store like no I I was quiet afraid to speak because I was alone if and if I
Spoke I would be considered crazy and whatnot it’s hard to [ __ ] see the future and yeah 2020 goes and my intuition kicks in again and I’m literally freaking trying to sleep no I felt all those millions of people in Bergamo being choked on incubators that’s how it felt just
Like I can’t explain these things you know because even I don’t understand everything that happens to me and that goes on you know some some of the stuff is so highly [ __ ] spiritual that it’s wow only once you start to really wake up and stop resisting all of this [ __ ]
Then it hits you even harder it’s just Awakening in itself is not a pleasant journey being awake is [ __ ] all but Pleasant with the modern society it’s suffering it’s painful as [ __ ] so yeah 2020 I called them sorry but let’s let’s try to cooperate you know like whatever I can
Pay you later and owe you and whatnot and you know I’ll do my best she goes yeah pay me half half now and half at the end of the month the next month I hope it helps honestly my my honest thought was like yeah [ __ ] it helps you
Goddamn [ __ ] really now I see who you really are all it takes is money really all it takes to see the real face of people is a little bit bit of money sucks and then of course the next month follows I can’t come up with that [ __ ] I
Mean €2,000 for the rent of course what can I do like I’m trying to look for a new place already of course what else like of course I’m not stupid but in the meantime yeah you’re kind of thinking like I’m in Netherlands like I know that I should be protected
Human rights blah blah blah it’s kind of the country where people don’t just get screwed over easily so yeah I was counting on that and Co of course kind of like you should not be evicted during that time right with two kids and third one on the way yeah here comes the
Joke um so when I said now I really can’t pay she doesn’t say anything she doesn’t respond a week later I have a big fat lawyer who parked a Mercedes in front on on the the sidewalk um knocking on the door handing me over the papers and invitation to
Court I’m like okay that’s nice um so I called the uish locket which is basically the free legal support uh they assigned me a lawyer I could name her right now for the sake of the fact that she didn’t do her job but she was such a
Good sweet talker um so yeah we start this whole thing and I also went to to the municipality to tell them look guys I need help I don’t know what to do so they of course started to say yeah we’re going to start you to apply for the jobs
We’re going to do this we’re going to do this we’re going to so I’m like okay now I’m in the system now I’ve got to do exactly what they say think that’s it you know um I did have like some money still left and whatever I would do with
That money instead of paying off the debt through my intuition was like the market is in panic everything is going down what I should do right now is buy some Bitcoin or whatever it is and just let it let it ride the wave because I knew it was going to freaking Skyrocket
As soon as things have a little bit of a better smell or whatever and I was right of course I would be 50 times richer at that point if I did what I wanted to do but I used that money to pay off what I could that’s what they told me to do
That’s what my ex was also screaming at me to do and then um I started to see if they can actually offer me jobs that I’m not like extremely overqualified for after 25 years of working in it and the broadcast engineering industry proving to be one of the best in the market
Although although sometimes quite a bit of a dick with the right reasons and for the right reasons and um yeah I just had so many bad feelings about everything and I was in the end I was just ultimately right about it so what happens we go through this court procedure
Um I lost the 4,000 of deposit I had to pay another like 7 and a half th000 Euros I think to her so basically I lost more than I had so I went back to the municipality and I said look now we’re getting kicked out with kids on the
Streets and stuff blah blah blah and we need money we need help so I knew that you the government at that point is obliged to step in and go like okay we’re going to manage your depts we’re going to do this for you I don’t know I
I read the law I read everything I mean most of the stuff is written in English you don’t have to speak fluent Dutch and it’s really well easily written that you can understand what to do and then all you have to do one one thing I didn’t
Know that every time you get in any sort of trouble you have to have a lawyer for anything but good one a really good one the one that has a heart the one that is actually willing to fight with you not just for their goddamn money um and I
Don’t know whether that’s possible or not but it looks like these guys who take the public money not really at least so far I haven’t had a good experience so the court procedure ends I pay the money it was literally the the lawyer of the
House owner that sent me a message a few days after the court saying you should have never actually accepted this deal but I guess your lawyer never told you and I’m like [ __ ] me man so yeah then municipality that was even better the first thing they said wow you can get
Evicted because there is no covid with a mask on their face and everything is in lockdown okay I really I’m it made no sense and that was the time when they kind of decided to kind of reopen half of the stuff but limited time da da da
Da so it was a lockdown but not a lockdown um so for them technically at that point point it wasn’t I don’t know how they came up with it but their answer literally was I quote for quote there is no Co now we can evict you like I said even with the
Children oh yes like but nothing made sense so I kind of stepped on their toes and I said you know what I’m not going to leave this office and this place and this house until I get someone who can actually explain this to me better and like I want the social housing because
You know at the end of the day I was in the highest paying tax bracket 52% within one year alone I think I paid over €1 130,000 in taxes I deserve to be [ __ ] respected and I deserve my human rights man it’s not like I’m begging for anything here um so
Yeah um they finally decided that they have to change around yeah they they gave us this urgency declaration but they decided they’re going to do it for four people even though that my uh that our fifth family member was just 4 to six weeks down the
Way and yeah four weeks later she was born so they stuffed us into this [ __ ] hole loud air I kid you not airplanes are flying like maybe about 30 40 m above the head every 2 minutes Landing just when they open their flaps so it’s the loudest moment High throttle open flaps
Boom Oh I know something about flying by the way so yeah it’s a great place windy as hell so even when there are no airplanes and it’s windy it’s like being in the Gil six windy situation on a boat when everything’s whistling around your ears because of course it’s social
Housing is it good hell no does it still have asbestos in there of course it does yeah oh man I mean it’s unbelievable really and then when I told them like even the funniest irony of that was as soon as I put my daughter with my uh fourth child
So the third daughter with this woman was um the third child with this woman was born I’m like okay let’s just for a joke now put her in the warning net so now we’re five and let’s see what happens within two weeks we would have a big
House only 50 more per month a big house we were the top number one on that on the list for that house it’s just Madness what can you say Madness so the whole time I was trying to not really argue with these people but just tell them look I know I’m right
But you need to kind of manage it timely and all this kind of stuff no no everyone else is right but me and you know most of the stuff they tell you do a normal and then when are you going to start to learn when are you
Going to start to speak Dutch ex and B Netherlands met human so really [ __ ] off people I like I I like learning languages I really like but it comes with the two-way street it comes with respect so that’s also something that Dutch don’t necessarily really know what it means and I’m not I
Don’t mean to be bad but it’s like like this I’ll take one lady for ex two ladies for example the first one was this is my my favorite one actually the first week uh when I was here going to work Monday morning um I’m going through the Central Station through the under passage
Stopping at the kiosk to get my first coffee in the morning and I’m a huge coffee junkie by the way I’ve drank coffee since I was nine I need my coffee so before I had my coffee in the morning you’d better not talk to me at all I’m
Sorry yeah that’s it um and I’m standing there in the queue with I’ve always kept some personal space for people so which means I’m like about one meter away from whoever is standing nearby me because I like personal space and I give personal space so and at the time was like turned
Sideways with my head reading trying to read what you know the head say in the Dutch and from my German and English and the other languages I’m kind of like oh yeah I can understand a little bit reading the headlines and I turn around and I see this lady tall lady standing
In front of me so she was roughly 45 50 maybe and you know just nonchalantly her face really up in the air and doesn’t say a thing yeah she knows she’s cut in the line and like excuse me Madam but I think I was here before you so this was
My face yeah not like bad threatening whatever I’m just serious that’s it I don’t even when I’m happy and joyful I will probably look like this at best and not because I’m like some freak or whatever but you know like this is who I am take it or leave it if I intimidate
You walk away I don’t want to do anything with you I don’t need to do anything with you it’s not my [ __ ] problem right so this woman goes maybe you should say this with a little bit more smile on your face so that was the first time I’ve started to learn what
The Dutch culture looks like and I’m like excuse me Madam I would but not before I had my first [ __ ] coffee on a Monday morning back in the line please the guy selling almost threw up laughing so yeah it’s my favorite joke how I deal with
This nonsense I mean if you want to be direct with me and stuff okay fine but I’m also going to be direct with you no problem I respect people just as much as they respect me and that’s a that’s it that’s why often people cannot really
Digest me I admit they can’t I go and talk at municipality and they go listen listen sir let me explain this to you this is how it works and I’m like look see you see I read this here it’s in English and in Dutch the same law I
Don’t want to argue with you I respect you but this is it respectfully you are wrong blah blah blah they threaten you with security and go out and stuff like that this is really the reality here I mean I can’t understand why only the only reason probably because just just
Because I don’t speak Dutch and I don’t do a normal like there’s so many Unwritten rules here you never go get by that’s pretty another cultural thing like we’re free the weed is the weed is legal but only to buy in coffee shops not to grow that’s how it is mad house
It makes stuff around here some sometimes makes no sense it’s a nice place though people are really nice I must say majority of people are nice but it’s the kind of nice that later on makes you realize you know most of it is just shallow and it’s a mask on their
Face you never get to know them really fine if you want to keep it that way I respect it but it’s just not really don’t don’t be surprised that the rest of us the experts and the people who come here and stay for a longer time
Have a few things to say say about it you know like we’re trying to relate with you people and connect and all this stuff language or no language it’s not that freaking easy my second favorite joke about living in Netherlands you know even the Dutch friends and they admitted themselves even the Dutch
People have real issues making good Dutch friends why because honesty here is a complete nons subject being direct yes rules for the but not for me that’s how it works here and then when it comes to breaking the rules the Dutch do tend to break all the
Freaking rules they tend to tell you about oh man it’s freaking it’s a [ __ ] hate love and hate relationship with this country honestly just like it was with my ex so that’s why she’s thriving here and I’m not because if you’re an empath you don’t survive in this kind of relationships that’s for
Sure you know I do I must say that those few people like twor here and feel like I’m so grateful because it makes such a hug huge contrast to large majority here you know it’s kind of you know when you need to get some Faith back in the humanity that’s that’s
Where you get it literally and I don’t want to be like I don’t want to sound like a complete [ __ ] like everything’s bad no it’s not really but I’m just pointing out the the stuff that others don’t want to talk about and don’t want to be honest about it it is
How it is I’m just saying it how it is really not just for me I’ve definitely been discussing this with a lot of other people and they all said you know what man you’re right I don’t want to be right I freaking hate it I hate to be right because that just means
That the the good stuff I want to see in the people and about the society is just not there and it scares me was the same with my ex I was like you know yeah she’s a freaking mess she does stuff that drives you really nuts and she’s a dangerous person too
That’s was my perspective at least but I love her and I’m you know going to do whatever it takes to be there you know like sometimes it hurts but you know people can heal as long as they can stop living in denial and all this [ __ ] but no here it’s just like I
Mean okay that’s probably more like this mod [ __ ] fueled more with the social media and this stupid positive toxicity and perfectionism you know like if you really want to heal you’re going to you’re going to have to be able to step in your own [ __ ] as well otherwise you know forget about
It faking faking your happiness and joy means nothing really so what else about Netherlands what can I say food food is food is freaking good I like food it’s health it’s soft and fresh oh but it’s freaking expensive again it costs a lot like even on a budget right now especially after all
These prices have been hiked so much I don’t eat cheese and I don’t eat that kind of stuff at all basically because even when I eat cheese then I immediately have problem with problems with with my sinuses so I just tend to avoid all the dairy and milk and stuff like that
Um but yeah the prices are insane what I mean I think 500 G of cheese is like almost 20 or so it’s like what the never mind everything went up like decent bread the healthy one that’s like between three three to 5 for a kilogram it’s like okay
Why don’t we fund more Wars wherever they are it’s definitely going to work I mean like even even though it’s good food there’s lots of diversity you if you’re a vegan if you’re whatever you can eat whatever you want it’s okay like and if you cook for
Yourself even if you cook for yourself it’s still going to cost quite a bit so yeah you know activities given the weather you need quite a lot of money because most of the activities are going to be indoors so again everything you want to do around
Here will cost that’s that’s why I know that now now I understand why so many people have boats even though they look like [ __ ] but you know they have them because it’s probably the cheapest way of having fun but even if you have a good job look
Omen yeah thanks for the comments and stuff and sticking with me really appreciate it um I had a good job look I was making like on average like for the past so between 2017 and 20 2019 I was uh so beginning of 2017 and then end of
2019 I was making like about 6 and a half 7,000 a month after tax so you know yourselves that you know nobody likes to talk how how nobody here likes to talk about how much money they make and it’s not me bragging I’m saying it’s still like the only thing is I
Admit I was a bit stupid like okay I made so much I can reward myself a bit should have been investing that would be the best reward but yeah um still it’s it wasn’t like I didn’t feel like I’m rich you know like I knew I’m like one freaking 1%er in the amount
Of money I make in Netherlands but it didn’t feel nowhere like oh I’m rich want to go to the bank and get the loan no nothing because I’m a freelancer buy my own house mortgage nope I’m a freelancer and I don’t have that credit score that you guys have I don’t because
My life wasn’t going that way from the beginning so it’s like it was just some things are possible and some are not and then what I knew I understood that the only way I’m ever going to own any kind of property of mine is literally walking
To it with a suitcase of C full of cash in my hands of course legally earned cash because if I ever try to do anything that’s mildly out of the boarding the the lines of the law it’s not the hands of the the law that punish me it’s the freaking Karma that strikes
Me down so hard you don’t want to go there really I kid you not and I’m I can explain exactly this last year of my life which is in itself I can write a book just about the last year [ __ ] hell yeah let’s go into that yeah so again uh so
2020 um the one thing is was also yeah where that’s where I got involved with child protective services and the therapy couples therapy and social services that’s also this is where the nightmare began so the neighbors called the police uh because of course they heard the shouting and stuff but the fact was
There were a few plates and stuff if I can remember correctly you know when you’re under abuse and stuff it messes up with you and your memories as well but you know I have a good memory so the things that I do remember are definitely facts so some stuff was flying towards
Me and [ __ ] and she banged the head against the frame of the door um I held her for her shoulders to you know control the situation and push her away um so we both got scratches and we both got CH had these typical female bruises
If you hold them here they will be blue in a second so and the neighbors called the police and I immediately told the cops I’m you know I did my best to just not harm anybody blah blah blah but please she’s insane if you got to take
Anyone away take her nope that took me away for 10 days no judge no court no nothing so then I was allowed to come back because there were no charges everything was dropped and that’s it so I’m like okay cool what now therapy of course we
Need it no problem my first my first ex was the person when I said dude before we separate we should go and take some therapy or something like that she said no no no everybody here in Slovenia knows you from because you’re so famous on TV and blah blah blah so they will
Support you I’m not going like this whatever can you find a better excuse I mean and she was four years older than me and acting mature and [ __ ] so yeah I had to just give into that that’s when I left Slovenia and went to work abroad and reasons why because I wanted
To be able to support my child one way or another in the future at least if I cannot do it there um and yeah the same story here uh just that this was much more brutal so then this one year of it seemed like I things might start to work
Out you know like I’m finding ways to listen to myself better I know my boundaries I if I feel upset or whatever I know to get out of the house just you know go to the forest stay calm blah blah blah and I followed everything
Strictly to the core um and yeah I guess it was just good because she was pregnant again and she kind of you know every time when women get pregnant their hormones change and they mellow down and they need you more I don’t know it’s just like that I know that for fact you
Know it’s like my mom was the same my the the rest of the women I know when they got pregnant were you know just generally I don’t know nature turns them into if they are beasts then they it turns them into gentle beasts at that point
So yeah that was kind of it that’s why that year was still calm and good but yeah pretty much after that again the old patterns started to to reappear here and follow and d and yeah everyone I was trying to talk to the child protective services the social services the therapist our therapist
Just nobody really got it like nobody could say to me look dude uh looks like you’re codependent or whichever one of you is codependent but this is the codependent relationship it’s very toxic it’s very dangerous this is what you need to know about it blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah and later when you find that kind of stuff you also start to realize so okay codependency it’s either two codependent Partners or one of them is the narcissist because nobody that is that has a healthy healthy emotional relationships and stuff and doesn’t really is has
Either fixed that stuff or you know never had these issues to begin with um they see through US they’ll go like oh you’re really needy your stuff you’ve got issues stop looking for validations la la la la and they just walk away I’ve had that and I didn’t understand it back
Then now I do you know you need experience to gain Clarity so that was kind of it um so yeah uh nobody basically told me look you know not to say that you’re a victim but you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse and this is what’s going on that’s why you have the
Experts to freaking Enlighten you when you can’t do it yourself nope it was even worse basically in this case I was able through WhatsApp chats during the 2020 so that means like talking to you but just seeing your face I can actually feel you so much that I
Actually felt one of her personal issues and then one day I said I think maybe you had this kind of experience and it can relate to my darling over here so I can just let you to talk about it and the woman shed a tears so at that point
I should have just gone to freak again I’m better than the therapist not first time in my life not the last time time to call it off and change someone who is better quality and I can relate to because it’s not going to work otherwise it’s like my intuition and
Everything was telling me that I’m getting manipulated and I’m like I wasn’t stupid you know like I I knew the whole time that whatever is going on is toxic abusive and the pattern is just like out of control and emotionally unstable person and I knew at that point I cannot deal
With this all on my own I just knew but when you have kids and you’re loyal and you’re like me when you’re extremely loyal when loyal you’re own loyal loyalty becomes your own poison felt like I cannot leave I cannot go then of course when I was finally without
Income hell no I’m leaving yeah so yeah burnout trauma and more intensified abuse and more intensified situations so yeah once um think things started to escalate again it was too late um and then it was kind of like I left the home yes I knew I had to leave
One way or another even if I’m sleeping under the bridges the kids cannot keep seeing this I can’t keep living like this anymore but I had nowhere to go no idea what to do and no money um but it was was more like this that after a couple of phone calls with
At that time we like obviously we were arguing a lot through the phone but stuff but she was threatening me with the police then I was talking to social workers and stuff and everybody said yeah the kids need to go to school so you know and they need
Mama and I’m like but listen guys if I could trust this woman to be a mother then I wouldn’t be here talking to you and saying no this is not right it’s not fair no nobody listened nobody cared I couldn’t articulate it as much as good
As I can do now after you know going through my own therapy sessions and stuff and reading a lot about it and learning so much mainly about myself of course because at the end of the day I was also convinced that I’m the Nar The Narcissist really but you know and I’m
Kind of like okay fine if I’m a narcissist I’m going to admit it I’m going to go and see if I can help myself and fix it so in the end you understand that narcissist basically just don’t do that stuff so that confirms that I’m not so I don’t know and since then
[ __ ] um like social workers were looking at me like a street dog really snarky remarks and stuff like you don’t understand how domestic abuse affects the kids I’m like excuse me what um do you know my background and what I used to do and stuff that I’m one of the
People who changed how Slovenia whole country behaved about the children’s rights and stuff and the homeless people no it never dawned onto them that it’s actually them who are projecting and they have this dawning Krueger effect issue going on so yeah and I thought okay maybe there there’s just a few people like
That where’s the where’s the better ones yeah again those better ones can’t do anything because that other person might be their boss uh oh so and they got easily offended they easily took stuff things personal so at some point I was accused by the same people at g even
Though we already had like I’m like no I try to stand up for myself respectfully but I can be assertive sometimes if I have to be um so I sent them a complaint and I not with the intent to like destroy anyone’s destroy anyone’s life because clearly if I wanted to go and
Sue them and stuff I would sooner or later find some kind of a crazy lawyer that would go and Sue the whole country with me but you know it takes a lot of time stress and effort to do that so and I’m not like that so I send them a
Complaint so I could basically just go and finally talk to their bosses and everything and the first time we had that they were a bit more you know defensive aggressive in a sense of like passive aggressive and a bit defensive like yeah um now we changed our ways now
We always send two people to listen and stuff so we understood and we learned from your case and we’re learning yeah so we hear you so it’s kind of like this cheesy talk now you’re being heard okay fine now I’m being hurt given that you’ve admitted that you’ve made
Mistakes and stuff can I now please get my social housing or something and that was nope they just straight up nope we cannot do anything later on when I started to read more about this I I understood they were actually lying um they could do and they should
Do but yeah again do you have a lawyer do you have money no are you smart and you can tell them yourself that they’re wrong yes you can and what happens after that so yeah never mind I wasn’t successful um first around few hostiles burned all my money I burned my friend’s
Money that was lending me and supporting me on the way I mean it’s just went crazy and then I finally find a flat some [ __ ] happens there with another chick that I just met there it was nothing romantic or whatever it was just I was literally hosting a friend of a
Friend turns out that was also just magically the same level of insanity as my own ex and like what the hell and I had to call the cops to get rid of her but that also meant that I’m going to get kicked out of that flat
Which I did but not express at least either way I was so happy to settle in there after a month of craziness nope not lucky enough so then I was talking to my therapist dudes I’m desperate I’m really like I it was just getting worse
And worse what do I do like and then I realized 2012 I was in Namibia it was the happiest place on Earth for me the best time of my life to that point skydiving amazing Place amazing food amazing people the time just slows down there I mean that’s Freedom really uh
And I was thinking you know what if I really want to heal why not just go there for a couple of months do some volunteering stuff I had an ebike which I built myself worth like six and a half thousand maybe five and a half with some
Beggars I could sell it and just go so I started yeah I I already got an offer yeah we’re waiting for you just come get your freaking papers sorted and stuff and I’m like hoooo um I get invited to a place for like an event went there
Really freaking cheerful and happy um at the end of the event in the morning that bike of mine was gone stolen disappeared forever woohop and yeah I must say that I even didn’t feel so crushed I was just like pissed off at myself like for knowing had a
Really kind of like that feeling bad feeling about it I was trying to find a better spot for it but you know they said no no bikes have to be there if I was more persistent they later told me and showed them the bike that I had they would have put it
Inside oh man so yeah my dreams to go to Africa and just find myself again were completely shattered um I spent uh a mon a little bit yeah around a month in a camper van type of squat area yeah it was really cool loads of greenery loads of quiets I had some time
To kind of start processing all the bad [ __ ] that was happening to me and why did I attract this kind of people why all of that was happening like I mean it was just so much and then that didn’t even go to the depth of where do I have
My own issues from the childhood like some of the issues are related just to the painful birth maybe to quite a huge huge amount of LSD to figure that out it wasn’t my therapist um so yeah crazy stuff really crazy stuff then I met this Old Hippie I
Was here I was with with him in a flat I was paying I paid him I mean I could barely manage but I paid um so yeah and then I figured you know what I’m constantly burning money for the rent I was talking to some bikers I was talking to some other
People who already had experience of sailing around and living on the boats they told me a little bit some of them wanted to sell me their boats but they were like nope sorry it’s a good boat but I cannot put so much work into it
And try to live on it at the same time it doesn’t work so yeah went on to find like a small sailboat somewhere it was horn so across this kind of big patch of sea here in Netherlands um I found a sailboat which looked good smelled good felt dry when I got there
It had a working two two stroke engine all this kind of stuff so everything I could quickly have a look at with my minimum amount of knowledge about the sailboats and the running rigging and all this kind of stuff which now I know a lot but um it’s kind of like I I’m
Laughing at myself what kind of a rookie and an idiot I was just going like yeah it’s cheap it’s less than thousand EUR I’ve got the cash here it’s it’s mine yeah no that was such a disaster uh because the boat was on the dry dock for
A year so it was in the it was in The Hanger so and when they put it in the water there was it was still a weak of pure Sunshine which is really rare in Netherlands yeah of course when I got the boat the next day the storms were
Already forecast so yeah I thought I was going to have some fun with it nope not fun leaking everywhere it turned out it was just a pure [ __ ] scam so I was devastated my heart was shattered and I’m like [ __ ] what I’m going to do now
At that point even some dude out of nowhere from South Africa who came here kind of working in it I think and stuff and he goes yeah you know man I really like you we really connected somehow good stories and stuff but when the time
Came he said well I’m going to share my flat with you because I make enough of money and I don’t care like sounded like God sent me finally a solution I was looking for but yeah he just when time came he just freaking ghosted me never
Appeared so I’m like yeah all right when things sound too good to be true they always turn out to be I guess so I’m still learning so I gave up on that was the time when I started to give up on trusting people and asking like literally a bunch of other people forced
Me to make a gofund me and get enough cash for all the petrol and the the stuff and so I could actually buy that goddamn boat so when I finally said okay I’ve got nothing else I’ve got the tools I’ve got the materials I can do this I’ve got
Um enough of coffee and wheat for working like an [ __ ] for a week and try and fix whatever I can fix on this boat and I’m going to fix it and that’s when I suddenly bumped onto the post about this one and I’m like holy [ __ ]
And when I came here and I saw that how how much bigger it is and at the end of the day as much as it’s now a wreck the furniture and everything is much so much better than the other one so like I was smiling all the way ear to ear like yeah
Man I’m taking it so yeah it felt good it still feels good though it’s it’s not that bad of a boat if I could actually do anything with it but yeah um and then this is where the real [ __ ] was hitting the fan and here we are yeah end of
August I’m like clean just I was just finished actually cleaning around the boat and stuff doing some stuff on the on the laptop I think I was just preparing myself to watch something and suddenly this body of human appears on the deck well on yeah on the deck in
Front of the companion way and goes do you remember me and then I remembered oh [ __ ] that Romanian guy was telling me that they were attacked well one of them so there were two Romanians here in the boat before so one of them got attacked and robbed by this crazy polish guy
That’s the story they told me they couldn’t give me any details about him not how he looks or nothing nothing nothing nothing all they could say is like that happened we called the police nobody got caught like okay so I had I had a wooden stick that about this fat um
Prepared for that and um you know I was kind of thinking to use an extinguish fire extinguisher you know like the dust and [ __ ] to in in the face if it would but you have to be fast you have to react fast so when the
Guy said okay I’m here I have a video about just going about this how it happened more in detail but yeah before I could say anything or react properly I got the first punch in the face and then I grabbed him by the hand I grabbed the stick I started
Hitting him on the hand so I could get out so this is like here he steps out yeah the boat the boat is not small so I could get out and I you know I don’t consider myself a professional fighter and stuff but I was honestly
Surprised how quickly I got a hand on him and I was overpowering that guy and then I hit him on the neck with the stick it broke it freaking broke off his neck uh with the fact that the small piece broke on his neck and I was left
With a much shorter part of it in my hand and trying to put him down with um submitting him I Tred to put him down on the floor to submit and tell him to you know like now you’re done we’re calling the cops whatever um he actually grabbed so the
Same day I found this huge metallic piece of um bottom part of old classic table heavy metal piece which I was like yeah I can restore this I can repaint it and maybe sell it for a couple of 20 to some collectors and or someone who wants
It in the garden so he grabbed that [ __ ] and missed me by very little in the dark it was very lucky I saw it and managed to um avoid the death blow um and yeah basically that was the point when I started losing the fight I pan like [ __ ] he he punched me
In the head over 30 times choking me I started screaming he starts to run but also says I’m going to be back like [ __ ] me man so I cannot describe how it feels but but at that point I started to like the the same night and the night the
Nights after I really understood how must it feel to be a soldier on the battlefield and then come back because you know you get rats walking here on top of the roof and it’s like a bit like this every little bit of noise just waves touching the boat everything woke
Me up my woke me up I just could not fall asleep it was going that was driving me nuts like my therapist was scared for my life I mean [ __ ] was going nuts crazy man um and then yeah I think it was about 2 or 3 weeks later at 5:00
In the morning I hear Doom bang bang and I’m like I know it’s him I just knew it I opened the hatch um and I see somebody running away on the bicycle bum white baseball cap white jacket that’s it nothing more and then following that two
Weeks later in the middle of the bright day 4:00 in the afternoon knock knock and it’s him and another woman with him like she was ugly and they’re both like a bit edgy and stuff now we’re here what you going to do and I’m like oh yeah
I’ve got the phone I’ve got the police on the phone so please go ahead by all means now do whatever you want and they of course start backing off and again we’re going to be back but at least this time I finally had a better look at his
Face better look at their bikes better look at them I’m calling the police they finally pick up and I’m describing to them look um stop asking me questions just listen listen to the description listen to where they go I’m running after them as far as I can but please
Send a unit get them because this is the guy that almost killed me and no uh-uh they didn’t even show up I mean never mind so the next day once I finally calm down I’m calling the police station and I’m like I want to talk to the local
Community officer I want you to put me on a high alert list here in Netherlands when you feel unsafe wherever you are whether it’s a homeless shelter whether it’s at your home or on your boat wherever you are if you feel unsafe you call the police and you say and you tell
Them what’s going on and you you ask them to put you on the high alert list which means and they they cannot say no this is what they have to do um which means they basically just have your number as soon as you call 112 um they don’t ask questions who you
Are where you are because they know your location through your phone trust me they do they admit it they always know it um but only if you don’t move too fast around because they they know it through the sou hours um and I’m an expert in telecommunications by the way
That’s why I know this [ __ ] um so yeah they they won’t find you just as soon as you call them they will go there and if especially if you call them already before you tell them where’s your location where you’re going to be they they have they have to have it in the
Note hey uh okay Twan see you thanks for watching and you know thanks for everything um so yeah basically they I missed a couple of their phone calls because I was in other appointments or therapy or something they always called and in an appropriate time from a no caller ID so you cannot
Call them back and then they just stop so I said screw this yeah know if I cannot really catch up with them and this is going on I had to go in the meantime I had to go to Slovenia to bury my auntie and then come back so I was
Obviously scared to leave my boat for 5 days on attendant I was scared like [ __ ] because everything I have is on the boat so yeah I came finally back and I I’m thinking like and I call tried to call the police again but then they just
Wouldn’t respond back to me and call me back so they basically probably thought that I’m just paranoid and crazy and whatnot um and they didn’t call me back so I went to an airsoft uh store and I’m like what can I buy spray doesn’t really work because
It’s not a pepper spray and it’s not anything else is not legal then um um Chia chow and then um I I’m thinking like sticks and stuff of course you know you have to really know how to fight nothing works and like the only thing which I saw on the on their
Website was this pistol that loads four rubber uh bullets not bullets but balls which are like maximum about two G heavy really I shot myself with it legs back clothes no clothes it just stings a little bit not even remotely as painful as the paintballs can be and yeah I had
That kind of like it it makes a loud bang so it gives you a really good element of surprise it makes a bang looks like a gun I know it’s not okay but you know it’s better than me getting killed and the other person may be
Getting hurt because you know if I do pack A- punch I’ll pack a punch it won’t be nice so yeah not a good idea because then after that 22nd of November some other dude um jumps on the boat boat jumps off the boat I’m looking through the small
Window I see him jump off and I was calm no Panic no nothing I opened the hatch and I’m like hey buddy what’s going on you know I know you were on my boat can you please explain why what are you doing here yeah like that’s that’s my
Business what I do I do what I want and I’m like okay but this is also my property this is where I live and I don’t think you can just go onto someone’s property and do what you want um and then yeah no they don’t have a heart and
Look at this one now yeah so I’m like look buddy I don’t appreciate you doing what you do and you’re coming too close to me I don’t feel safe I got attacked here before I don’t feel okay you’re doing this yeah this is literally what I
Said and the guy goes I could do whatever the [ __ ] I want yelling at me and stuff and I’m like come on not again like what did why just why and I calmly said to him look buddy like you can do whatever you think you want but I’m
Prepared to defend myself I am armed for self-defense I didn’t say I have a gun I said I’m armed for self-defense and I’m warning you it’s better to just back off and go away he starts to yell I’m also armed runs over few meters here there’s
A bike rack runs over to his bike grabs a plastic bag and starts to to pull something out and I’m like nah [ __ ] I’m not going to wait again again for something like this to happen no [ __ ] way so I pulled the gun bang it because
You have to bang the trigger for the gas chamber you have to bang it to trigger it to to to basically really make it to activate it but I didn’t Point like this NP like off The Hip so this is the hatch and I’m like off The Hip like this still
Hands off the trigger so I’m just holding it like this like look at this dude get the [ __ ] off um and he does back off he starts to yell shoot me shoot me shoot me like he wants to grab attention from everyone play the victim suddenly and I’m like
Yeah look I’m not going to shoot you at best this would probably hurt you a bit but just go just get out get lost I shut the hatch then I have a wooden stick so I protected it from anyone being able to push it open and
I’m like I I saw him calling the phone and I’m like yeah if you’re going to be calling the friends now I have a dial 112 already prepared and as soon as they would come back I’m going to call the cops that was my intention so I went
Back to actually working on what I promised to myself that day that I’m going to launch my website because it was kind of like a very special day 22 11 2022 you know I like those numbers so that’s it um and yeah that was my launch 20 minutes later not knocking screaming outside
I look out the window first here on the port side I see cops across the canal like loads of them I’m like uhoh this is bad I hear the helicopter above my head and I’m like holy [ __ ] what is going on and then I look here on this on the other side
M so that was the Dutch Special Forces four of them fully armed with guns Shields helmets masks shouting get out hands up Nothing in Your Hands blah blah blah and I’m like oh God I can’t even record this right now because if I do they’re going to shoot at
Me [ __ ] so I get out hands up with a smile on my face guys sorry this was really a huge misunderstanding the gun is right there on the Shelf it’s not a real one I promise it’s not real gun yeah Overkill is a thing I agree
Because they could have like they had so many phone calls from me man they could have just sent a couple like something like and just go first just go and ask a question first like hey sorry but what happened you know we have to come and
Arrest you now because of what you did blah blah blah come on like SWAT team helicopter you know how much money that cost them I’m sure they had something much [ __ ] better to do than convincing really the whole neighborhood here that I’m the terrorist because cuz a couple
Of a couple of them actually said that to me like one of them also not a very smart guy he told he told another Spanish guy that they can just go and pick my stuff from the boat now that I’m gone genius almost happened actually so yeah I actually realized at that point
That the best thing to do is like just let it all go and I really started to enjoy my life after that I must say it’s it kind of helped it’s ridiculous it’s hilarious how you know I can put on the title of my book you know I don’t
Know how I would put it but kind of something down the line I was staring at the barrel of a live RI live ammunition rifle and it changed my life for the better well up until this morning so obviously what you do you want to get
A lawyer right and when you have no income the government has to pay for the lawyer or so I thought I mean I know that they will still do it if I really go and put all the pressure and go through all the hoops and loops and what
Not right now in terms of like what can I do yeah um and I did so two days ago I finally get first the first Defender that I got I I really had a bad feeling and I said no I’m sorry but like I respect your stuff and
Your duty but I don’t have a good impression about you I don’t have a good feeling I’m going to get a new one and I did that really politically correct no I mean I I started to get a new one and stuff but this old one
Applied in a way that they looked into some really old financial situation and they said no you you can pay for your own lawyer so that’s what I got two days ago and I’m like yeah okay screw this [ __ ] I’m going I’m going to fight back
Of course um so I called like okay who can I call what can I do find that information I started calling and they tell me okay look what you can do is contact your new lawyer get the new application and send us the papers for the last year how much you earned and
I’m like okay done here’s my papers 5 minutes later message to my lawyer they asked me to tell you that you need to do this and this and this I did my part and then um it’s not even because of people that I woke
Up in a sense of like grumpy or maybe a different state of mind today so when I went to sleep it was it’s really hard for me to fall really nicely asleep and stuff I have to meditate I have to really put a lot of effort into it um because you
Know I don’t want to drink beers and smoke joints every night for sure to to to fall asleep easily and I don’t do pills I just don’t and I don’t do drugs so yeah no a lot of effort and I if I fall asleep before 1:00 at night it’s
Actually really good if I fall asleep before midnight or before 11:00 it’s great it’s freaking perfect um so yesterday I did fell fall asleep I think around midnight is or so and at night I already heard the rats running kind of like on top of the boat
But I was also like I think one of them’s kind of in inside because you know it’s freezing right now they can’t find food and even though they left me quite alone they were really nice to me for the past 3 months now they’re desperate they’re starving so even
Whatever little food I have you know I’m trying to really put it in places and stuff where they even if they get inside they can’t find it they can’t reach it so well and these bastards they chew through the goddamn rusty metal they chew through through everything within
The night they will chew through an inch of wood so they’ll get inside um and yeah last night I heard one fine well at 7:00 in the morning it woke me up running all over my face trying to get to the bread where I have and I’m like God I mean
This is like something that’s like I like these animals and I I love animals but it’s still a freaking wild rat thanks thanks Omen like I never like whatever I did in my life was only to experiment and see what it does to you
And like if it’s it’s [ __ ] I don’t do it the only few good things are like mushrooms withed LSD and MDMA but I will say the mushrooms LSD and ndma is like only for therapeutic purposes partying and stuff might not be that good of an idea if you don’t know what you’re doing
I mean you got to be well informed you know like do what you want to do I don’t judge people for doing drugs either you know like if you’re careful and you don’t know what you’re doing you don’t necessarily become an addict or a bad person you know it doesn’t make anyone bad
If you want to have fun have fun I don’t care it’s just like don’t use that as an excuse that that you know like oh I did cocaine and it turns me into an [ __ ] or I drink alcohol and turns me no you just are an [ __ ] just a little bit
More Amplified including myself you know I’m not saying I’m always nice to people I’m not I’m honestly not but I’ve been through a lot of stuff and just figured it I can’t always explain myself to to anyone especially not the people who only understand Cockiness and violence and ignorance
What can you say to them nothing that works really nothing I tried trust me but yeah you know so it’s freaking difficult so and then this morning I wake I’m awakened by the rat and literally this rat was huge I mean this is like a cat size
[ __ ] and it started to fight me for my last two pieces of bread that I have literally a fight between me and a red and I’m like come on something clicked and like it’s not like I want to let’s say I’m like end of the road I
Don’t I not I don’t want to end my life I’m not suicidal but I’m just fed up of like the exactly the discussion I had later today I mean when I had later in the afternoon today with this lawyer over emails like they told me that you
Have to do these two things and then I we can go ahead you have my case you have the money and that’s it we can go ahead we can I can chill and start digging what’s the worst and what’s the best I can I can look at because you
Know I’m I’m kind of like yeah I’m hyper vigilant kind of hyperactive highly intuitive and stuff and I really I I don’t do patience too well and even though I was really patiently dealing with all of the [ __ ] before right now I don’t like waiting like I’ve got so the
Court date is on 22nd of February that’s exactly a month after my 42nd of birthday like I want to change my life around but that’s the one point I’m waiting for to understand how that’s going going to affect to do I go and work for community service I’m like I’m
Looking for jobs right now but knowing that somebody might not even take me you know yeah they are the rats are crazy here man sorry I’m checking the comments as far as I can and trying to keep myself in the flow because it’s already taking a long this video man so
Um what yeah um no I kind of lost myself anyway yeah the rats are rats are crazy oh man this is like and this is I have a couple of trees and bushes here there’s like two families of really huge rats and you know how rats are yeah they shag
A lot and they multiply like oh my god oh I don’t know what actually made them leave me totally alone because they were constantly invading the boat through everywhere they could chew chewing through a lot of stuff to get to the to whatever food I had um anywhere I
Had but suddenly they just gave up so I don’t know until yesterday and this was like insane like fighting fighting with a rat man like I literally punched it I punched it to let my bread go and then later I got pissed off and I drew and I
Threw one piece of bread outside in their Bush so they also have something to eat man like the same way somebody here somebody here um here on my channel says uh like you know in a really bad like you a bag man like you yeah a bag
So means you’re a beggar I’m like yeah I bet my money without having any looks it’s a projection I go and have a look and the guy is making some trap or rap songs autotune mostly of course [ __ ] but still okay the lyrics and stuff is okay
But he needs to work on himself and definitely and and his music so I went there check his channel like yeah you dude you were on the streets you have one subscriber no views no likes and you’re calling me a begger that’s ironic it’s [ __ ] ironic but I didn’t go and
Offend him and insult him because honestly I’m like okay what’s the best thing I can do for a person like that is like you know I’ll give you my like and I my subscribe because clearly you need some of that love that you’re so needy and you know just learn learn to seek
That attention in a different way because you before you get completely broken in your life there are still maybe some hopes for each and every one of us you know that’s pretty much oh I feed animals here non-stop there’s one short where you can see me
For the New Year’s morning I woke up a bit early um is it new year or just the morning after the morning after I believe because I was still I was partying for the New Year’s I was invited to play as a DJ after 15 years
And it was great um I’m feeding here the there’s the these two really nice Canadian Ducks they just eat out of my hands and it’s so cute it’s sweet I love it um in the summer I would go and sit across the canal on the on the bench to
To wait for the Polish guy and trap him right um sitting smoking there and just kind of and meditating at the same time and the dogs would just couple of dogs there was this this was one day actually huge dog runs over to me and I kid you
Not pops himself into my lap like sits in my lap just sits there and I’m like what the hell that’s so good it was so funny I loved it yeah but that that day was like it just kept happening like that it was amazing so yeah this is the the good
Parts you know one thing I did understand that I was really not paying enough of attention around myself like dude Netherlands in terms of like that you can the fact that you can buy a boat and if you’re a bit smart and you can actually live on a boat it saves you a
Ton of bloody money with rent and everything and it’s also fun you get fed up with something you just change your backyard for a little bit you know different marina maybe somewhere closer to the beach or whatever I mean it’s really not that expensive it just takes more work you
Know I got to clean it more often you got to maintain it and stuff but stuff like that keeps you busy this is like this is actually the proper practical meditation when takes when it you do something good you do it for yourself and at the same time it takes your mind away
From building up and amplifying the problems that you have already so yeah if I knew that before I would be rich for saving money and living much more modestly and fun than it was before yeah I mean look it’s not something that just romantically fell in in love with like sailing and going
Around um as a mid-age crisis of a divorced man who can’t feed his own kids right um no it’s um skydiving changed me back in Africa I realized that you know it’s kind of like when you do stuff that puts you out of your comfort zone
Because you know I’m I don’t really like heights I don’t like extreme sports and I definitely don’t like taking huge risks such as you might die come on uh but it’s fun it’s freaking fun really this practically now that I know sex even sex doesn’t reach that
Level of how good it is this is better because you’re doing it and you’re doing something really good just for yourself there’s nothing wrong with self- Lov you know just as long as you find an equal partner to share that stuff that’s that’s what it matters in
The end so yeah freaking I fell in love with skydiving first but you know for skydiving you got to make quite a decent amount of money for the licenses and the the training of course and then the your own parachute and then every jump you would go let’s say wherever you are
Every jump costs around I think now now the costs are around 50 to70 to take you up so that’s just a normal jump you have the license yeah so then obviously what would be the best Alternatives is like base jumping and wing suit but in order
To get there to be allowed to do that and not get uh heavy penalties and lose whatever license you already have um you must have like over 10,000 jumps to start base jumping like they’re strict and of course they must be strict because though it’s a deadly sport where
Statistically the least people die even though this Wings suit proximity wing suit Flyers are adding to the numbers but it’s far less dangerous than playing golf more people die uh playing golf when they get hit in the in the head with a golf ball really that’s a
Fact that’s just funny so what happened basically why sailing why the boat okay obviously the boat was a solution to my housing problem to begin with and then kind of like River and lakes so the Inland boating would be the first to gain some experience just generally
Learn how to fix the problems learn this kind of stuff you know but learn a little bit how folks operate with this and I mean operate how you know just the culture and [ __ ] because it is different when you’re on the water people are more friendly
They’re more helpful on the land I guess we’re just used to really being so wrapped into our own egocentric lives that we just don’t care about anyone but you know on the water everyone can sink so we’re kind of like we’re not on the
Same boat but we are in the on the same water I’m just surprised that people can’t actually uh incorporate that into their daily lives as a whole like the empathy and compassion and stuff like that it’s crazy uh so yeah that’s why it’s appealing because I see that there’s the
People that generally just sail around the world they are Travelers I’m a traveler I got paid to travel I was around the world and I was just amazed you know like this is where the tourists go and that’s where I went and they went with the once I made a mistake in
Namibia traveling with an air conditioned bus six people on the bus headphones screens 550 km I died I really died from boredom so whenever we stepped off the bus which was only twice for about 45 minutes I immediately went and whoever I could communicate with I would immediately go
There and just talk to them so and people just loved me there so everybody said what are you doing on this [ __ ] hole of a air conditioned bus mini buses local buses it’s like basically a van 14 people are stuffed inside like this hot no air conditioning so much fun stories
You share the the the the experience and stuff my MacBook that that had no place with us I had to put it in the backpack at the car uh the freaking you know they were they had a trailer at the back that’s Namibia that’s Africa if it goes
It goes I’ll get a new one oh man so much fun yeah the we were driving there and I’m telling this driver how slovenians are yeah my fellow slovenians the the really weird kind of bunch of people that’s why I’m not there yeah I would love to but sometimes it’s
Just even Stranger Than The Stranger Things uh so in our country we still have the people who can work for a national owned company which means you know there’s always a budget there’s always the money not get paid for over six months and they will tell you just
Be happy you have a job like what so when I was telling this to the driver African in Namibia earning hey welcome back to one when I was telling this story to the driver in Namibia he driving looks at me like he literally he almost kened off the road choking and
Laughing at the same time he looks at me he says what brother I thought we abolished slavery a long time ago and I was laughing my ass off like yeah you know that’s exactly how it feels so [ __ ] I I laughed my ass off and then we
Were talking and talking and stuff and in the end the guy says you know my brother you’re black this was the best compliment I ever got in my life but it was just hilarious really hilarious stuff yeah oh my god well I went all all way too far from Netherlands now yeah now
I’m in Namibia well it’s Africans they speak kind of baby Dutch so yeah [ __ ] so what else what else yeah the This legal [ __ ] so now after two days now I’m just surprised also one cultural thing about it’s not the Dutch this is like pretty much all the people
People who move here I don’t know it’s some kind of electromagnetism that changes people or something or is it the climate itself or whatever but people tend to say like a lot of stuff how they’re going to do something but then it just never gets done like promises that never get delivered and
I’m don’t like expect everyone to really say everything that to do everything that they say but you know I guess if it’s your like in the case of the police for example if if it’s their duty to put you on a high alert list and protect your
Safety as well as protect public peace and order then do it it’s really takes only 5 minutes of work so this is the kind of level it’s not even the incompetence so much that I hear see around here but people just go like yeah it can’t be done they don’t even look
Into it they don’t read they don’t check if they’re right or wrong nothing like that no they just make up [ __ ] on the on the spot and that’s it and it’s it’s it’s their way or the highway so it’s really impossible to to also stay quiet peaceful and communicate
In a respectful way with people I mean not that I was swearing at anyone in their face but you know I would often just like try not to give up but yeah after what I’ve seen today again over and over and over again people just looking for excuses how not to really
Proactively do their job and help when they really need to help people that’s that’s it that’s why I’m kind of like I’m just not going to do anything anymore I guess with regards to begging them for scraps I’m just not sure how the hell I can now face this goddamn court on my
Own other than ask for a translator and beg for mercy from the judge itself luckily it’s just a district court or something like that it’s not really too bad so I guess they’ll tell me to go do community service or something which is still it’s good of course I’d be happy
With that but the problem is that will take all my time that I actually need to spend trying to work and survive while I’ve got roughly like with all the bills and [ __ ] and that so basically there stuff they’re sitting on me so all I get out at the moment is
Roughly something more than 500 of welfare um and I have at least double the amount of costs and expenses when it comes to paying all the stuff that I could not keep up with and and I have friends to pay off and loads of stuff so
Beautiful in the summer I almost had the job offer in my hands so if people think that I’m just lazy and bagging and crying here um and it was Liberty Global again my sworn enemy now um they in the meantime while I was waiting for the feedback they just had a
New deal with empasis which is a huge company from India they do all the services and stuff so they basically these these guys took all over the operations and everything and I was supposed to be an operations support engineer €4,000 a month after tax that would really put me back in the
Spot the guy CEO called me and he says I’m so frustrated and I’m so sad I cannot hire you because they changed the deal so whatever people he could hire in the meantime he could have kept he he could keep for the next next year that’s after they will probably change his own
Contract again then some it companies and stuff we were like four stages of interviews and stuff but then they decided after the fourth stage of interview if anybody knows what that means means that you’re basically one foot already through the door you’re just waiting for them to tell you how
Much money they want to pay and when you start to work and even with them saying like oh yeah this was a really great conversation I can’t wait to see you again we all know what that means and still after that they decided they’re going to still offer the job to a person
Who was still working with them so not sure how that happens but fine you want to treat people like piece of [ __ ] and numbers means that I’m really not so I’m not selling myself back to the technical and uh the broadcast in the media industry ever again they don’t deserve
Me period so I tried some other stuff I went to work in some other business I’m not going to name that not even what kind of business because it’s way it’s only a few here in Amsterdam and then it’s too easy to identify which one of
Them because you know I want him to continue to do well but it was not so well paid and I’ve had serious health and concerns issues with regards to you can injure yourself carrying stuff on your on the stairs and stuff and then also my back is not doing
That well because of previous injuries so I asked him after 3 days of really hard work and my back was really in pain I’m like can I now just sit down and do the electronics and soldering for a couple of days so I can rest he goes
Yeah yeah yeah next day I come two random people sitting there doing the electronics and he tells me to start carrying the boxes up and down and I’m like okay I took care of those boxes so the whole day job I did it within two hours and then he left somewhere and the
Same like 15 minutes after that I also left and sent him the resignation notice effective immediately on email and since then I think I sent like 500 applications and then finally I got a couple of responses that were kind of honest enough one of them saying you’re
Just way over qualified for what we need that doesn’t mean I can’t do your job man or I don’t want to just accept a little bit lower ranks at the moment people are still so out so outdated so out schol when I was like here already 2015
2016 I was working from home being able to remotely connect to six seven different countries and solve problems like this I come work for a big conglomerate where actually our type of work was constantly being remotely connected to all of the infrastructure in the business and like we could work
This from home why are we here like three guys at the same table it was like sweat shop those 500 a day I earned was in the end not really worth it it was disgusting to work that way for more than 6 months and um they said no 2020 H
Hits guess what everyone was suddenly working from home and they just get it done the same at least the ones that can stay disciplined so come on just it’s difficult to live ahead of time that’s that’s for sure and it’s difficult to to see things the way you see them like
Being honest about it and being vocal about it you get screwed but is it worth it yeah that’s why I’m doing this here too so you know screw this screw them like in a nice way I was never up for riots and stuff and you know as much as
I could be an anarchist but I don’t act that way I don’t hurt people because I’m hurt I don’t hate people because they’re haters and just like you know leave me alone it’s all going to be good but don’t try to disturb my piece that’s also a very Golden
Rule thanks God my face doesn’t look as nice to say like as in I don’t look approachable they told me fine then don’t don’t approach me if you’re that scared of a face so yeah Netherlands Netherlands it would be so much much nicer if it was
Just really if it was just what it says on the paper that it is it would have been so much nicer really but it’s just not and for some reason here is a lot different like compared to living in UK for four years if you go to sit in a pub all
Alone yeah yeah yeah that’s really I agree with you home and you you do your thing and others do their thing this is really nice like nobody like you can literally leave your windows wildly widely open and nobody gives a [ __ ] whether you’re jerking off inside there
Or whatever you do it’s your stuff you know it’s it would be nice to keep it more private but if you like it that way fine I kind of like you know I’m finding that quite funny because like in terms of also just discussing the sexual stuff everyone’s really open about this here
But don’t talk about the money that’s I’ll get offended okay fine I won’t talk about your money or mine so you know like it’s it’s kind of funny yeah but it’s it’s free it’s it is free it’s like more of course it’s great because like unlike Slovenia where it’s like a small
Village everybody knows everybody and everybody knows what you ate for breakfast like they know more about you than you know about yourself it’s almost like the CIA and the stuff and it does come from a little bit of that socialist mentality when they still
Had to had to when they used to spy on each other but you know the [ __ ] just love it so they they they enjoy it it’s a national sport Envy of knowing what your neighbor has and hopefully you want to get a better card than they do that’s that’s where I come
From it’s just why I don’t never 29 years living in there and I just couldn’t fit I couldn’t fit but it’s funny you know when people tell me here also but you have to fit in there like like first of all I wasn’t really born to keep pleasing everyone and trying to
Please people just made me toxic in the end um and then second nobody on this planet is born to to do whatever the [ __ ] you want or whatever the [ __ ] I want you do you I’ll do me exactly like have that freedom and then you know like
You say it’s people do you do your thing and stuff so but you know honestly it’s not also very true you know like I have to tell you om man because when I was really battered at home like I mean not physically but you know psychological abuse verbal abuse or physical it all
Hurts exactly the same it doesn’t matter and it leaves the scars invisible so if I was walking around like this and you know like [ __ ] pain you know what people would often tell me especially I mean this is really not just the Dutch but people come here because they like this
Positivity right but it’s not positive to to go to someone like that and go you know what dude you just have to smile a bit more you just have to do this you just have to do normal do do this do this do this do this stop giving advice
To people that you don’t understand what you’re going through it’s much better when you just go like hey why are you like that can you please explain you know look let’s go have a drink and talk about it believe me it will change things because everybody was kind of
Pointing at me that I’m isolating myself them but I honestly just like what whenever I try to say something they’ll go yeah but you’re too angry but you’re too this but you’re always a judgment everybody else is right but and literally just cut you off don’t listen
They don’t want to and then it’s your fault because you react like hey dude can you just really it’s going to take a long time it’s a complicated story nope yeah I get it you know like I’m here now what 98 minutes explaining all
This [ __ ] I know it’s a lot it’s I bet my money that I mean I’m admiring for the first time I’ve got two people that are here not just showing invisibly but I’m actually talking to you guys and it’s really diff my first it’s one of my
Worst days in the beginning of this year and one of my worst days in the past 12 months but it’s one of the most fun live streams I had so far um so yeah it’s a lot just like like I said just one year of stuff that was
Going on here it’s a lot because you know I don’t know why but people just I get it like I also had my problems everyone has got their weight and their responsibility and I definitely wouldn’t want to put all of my weight and my [ __ ] on everyone but you
Know if it it takes only very little compassion and kindness for us to give on a daily basis to just one person and it can ultimately change their life really so much and we can change so much like just doing stuff together as a team and just understanding that like dude you
Know no one is really bad because they want to be bad just a lot of people got so hurt that they need need help in changing that [ __ ] around well thanks Omen pre judies yeah there is a lot of pre judies but I think we all do we’re
All in a sense preist quite a bit I mean I myself would be probably sound arrogant that I’m a lot different but I am because um when we had the Yugoslavian war going on I was in Slovenia we had loads of people coming over like bosnians croatians and stuff
You know it and it was already mixed anyway because that’s what Tito was doing he was just mixing people everywhere all over Yugoslavia so before the war we didn’t really sense any kind of serious issues with nationalities and then later it just kind of over the night it all blew and blew into
This aggression and hate and stuff and you go like why does it even matter which nationality are you and what language you speak and what do you believe and which religion all that nonsense really it made no sense to me I still ended up being the most bullied
Kid in the whole school of like thousand students anyway so they were fighting each other but when they were done with that they picked on me together so yeah that’s it’s great to have a guy like me around so then they can finally stick together [ __ ] um so yeah it was uh
It was very very intense and traumatic not just on my personal level but it was the whole situation was very traumatic for all the people um so I kind of learned to drop all these Prejudice and I mean I was forced to learn I guess to stop judging people
Judging I never judged I was about eight 8 years old you you wouldn’t see African Americans even especially in the Low Rider car you would never see those around Slovenia and in my neighborhood which was a freaking ghetto at that time um so yeah there was this low rider
Really cool American Car my eyes were like this big I was eight years old and there were these rappers you know like and they freaking loved me so much we were kind of trying to talk I had I think I knew like three words English
Like what’s my name and how old I am because my cousin was teaching me already and they really loved me for some reason so they took loads of pictures with me and stuff um and yeah you know I would never think like oh they’re black they’re this they’re that
They’re that no just you know you’re a human being man just the the race religion language culture barriers all of that stuff no freaking way the more people I could learn about them and the more people I can meet and hear their stories and see what with their pain is
Actually the it’s just kind of life gets so much richer with all of that stuff and I it’s not like something I’m talking out of books and cliche quotes this is really just my lifestyle that’s how I was you know living in a squat meeting loads of people from all over
The world even when I went nowhere I was the world traveled to me and then I traveled to the world it was kind of like we were that was one cool relationship I have with the planet Earth in itself as a whole um but yeah you know there’s
Always prej judies there’s always bad apples everywhere and stuff but there’s certain things like this silent hiter slank type of racism around here or this kind of stuff when then people are really also sometimes almost afraid to talk about it but when they see that they’re safe to
Talk about it like the people will say oh yeah you know what we really have problems with Moroccans here I’m like yeah I can agree but just because they say that you’re a Moroccan you come to me even if you did something bad in the
Past I give no [ __ ] I’m looking at you as the person who you are right now and I’m going to give you one opportunity maybe two and that’s it that’s how I treat everyone well that’s how I treat everyone now before you could be quite an [ __ ] and
Walk all over me if I cared about you for some reason and keep walking but I I had to change that I really had to change that [ __ ] thanks God I I’m able to so yeah um I don’t know it’s like it’s not the people that are bad really that like as
In like all the Dutch are bad and Dutch culture no because it’s like all different nationalities and mixes that do kind of the similar stuff which is predominantly cultural for this place like being that ego Centric just a bit shallow on from the surface at least and just no [ __ ] given
About others it’s very American likee and it’s gone worse 10 years ago it was still more like if you fall on the bicycle people will just jump over and help you now nobody looks at you they just keep passing by yeah people can luckily change like I
Did but you know the way the Netherlands changed in this respect like um it was yeah when I was um already homeless last year I saw this dude stuck in the wheelchair on the middle of the very narrow bicycling Lane I know the place I know everything there normally that
Would have never happened people would immediately go and help so I ran to him what’s up why why are you not moving electrical wheelchair he’s like yeah something with the cable blah blah blah if you look down and he can’t move can’t Point anywhere so I’m I know my stuff
I’m an electrical engineer and la la la I can look into it so I did I I saw one part of the cable I couldn’t see the other one so I figured I just have to lay literally lay with my body all across the bicycling line I checked
Around nobody’s coming I looked down okay I see it I plugged it back and the thing works I kid you not the guy starts crying and I’m like hey what’s up why are you crying that we solved the problem everything’s good he goes I was standing here trying to get help for
Over 20 minutes that broke my heart that broke my goddamn heart because I know that when I moved here just generally the impression of people being a lot more helpful with each other and a lot more attentative was definitely there and I spoke to my therapist about this situation and
Others and stuff and I’m like do you know what dude during 2020 things changed people just gener either changed not for so good including myself at that point it was very intense but you know I never went into arguments I’m like just shut the [ __ ] up you don’t
Know the facts shut up yeah so I was not polite um but let’s not mention the other side right yeah and I’m not picking sides I’m not against any side do what you want but just stay respectful let’s have a dialogue not hate um and if it didn’t work get the
[ __ ] out I block you um so that’s it but yeah it got different and my therapist agreed people are way more intense way more aggressive things changed and it’s like this you know very very very narrow field of view and emotionally really just blocked and it’s
Changed a lot and it’s like I genuinely I’m not judging I just want to be able to help everyone but you can’t you know you can’t help everyone especially when nobody wants to help you either so I can’t even help myself anymore it’s totally out of control
Everything there’s part of it what I think I could honestly do you know with regards to this court and stuff but I can’t talk about it because I want to keep my freedom that’s what that’s what I can say I deserve to be free and I deserve even better than
That but if I can’t get more than this at least I deserve to be [ __ ] free you know all I did was chose the wrong kind of tool and a toy to preserve peace and make sure no one no one gets hurt and that’s just not right so even even
Um public or community service right community service I just it’s not fair just leave me alone that’s it I won’t do it again I told them to keep that goddamn gun and just leave me alone that’s all as long as nobody jumps on my
Boat and I even now I know I’ve got now I’ve got ways to lock myself in and protect myself without anyone getting hurt longing off so they can get over here and snatch them or you know the people realize they’re being stupid and they run so
Yeah you always find gold in the dirt yeah you do it’s just like in UK when I was there for four years like you could actually much easier talk to people that you even disagree with for example like you know conservatives nationalists and stuff go
In the pup sit down and you will still talk to them whether they know you or not you you you will strike a conversation they’re way more like they’re not so direct and definitely not honest you know like British are different they don’t say exactly what they think but it’s just generally
Having a lot easier to have a conversation with them about the things that you don’t don’t agree about like okay I don’t agree with you on this blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and they go okay I don’t agree with you blah blah you have a good conversation often often
Here you say something to someone if it’s not at work where people have to act professional and they they consider that you’re contributing which I like about the Dutch culture at work it’s much more relaxed than on the actual street life that’s funny because it’s like okay and that’s also weird like
Dutch people have strictly separated work is work friends are friends and that’s it it doesn’t mix together at all and they have friends from the childhood and really tight neat small groups yeah and that’s kind of like okay fine so we only experts only get to mostly hang out
With Experts of course we’re trying but it’s difficult it’s not that easy as it seems and it’s not just like oh just speak Dutch yeah yes and no many people tend to switch to English anyway just because you’re a foreigner so I don’t know it’s um yeah there is gold around here of
Course I mean people I was often surprised when I least expected like let’s say in this neighborhood here it’s quite a wealth kind of neighborhood so I wouldn’t surprise people to like pass by and ask me how I’m doing and you know if you want a coffee or some fresh water
Just ring a bell I’m not doing it because you know I still don’t want to disturb their private lives like that it would be nice if anybody offered me a shower every now and then but you know um joke like they’re nice and I was surprised because I didn’t expect
That so and they don’t you know there are other neighborhoods around Amsterdam if I lived on the boat they would come probably at least 10 times already with the baseball bats to chase me away here to just leave me alone and the cops and everything so I’m lucky when it comes to
This spot where I am because I also have access to this ebolt charging super expensive electricity which I can barely keep up with but yeah it’s not all that bad really not not it’s just I wish people were more proactive in making things that need to be made
Better better that would be freaking nice that everyone takes that level of self-accountability and says system sucks system is broken well you’re a part of the system so if you can find anything that you think or believe that you can do about it then go and get it
Done it’s really that simple man I mean it does take risks and effort and stuff but if we’re always going to be selling ourselves so way for like oh yeah but I’ve got a job and stuff it’s not you’re not going to keep that security forever
I can guarantee you that because the the stuff that’s still coming in the next 5 years is going to Rattle up and shake up so many things and it it’s either a financial crisis or AI whatever it is it’s like people will have to adapt or they’re going to be in trouble that’s
For sure and not just because I’m saying that as a well-informed person but I can also I can see a lot of let’s say causes and effects and then sometimes you go like holy [ __ ] that’s how the future might like and so far I’ve been quite
Correct on those terms you know it’s not like when the clock can be twice correct yeah the dead clock can be also correct twice in the day not that kind of stuff because I do my research also and it’s um n if things were going to get any better
They would have gone any better already but the system is designed to serve only one type of people and it’s I don’t need to explain that it’s not us so yeah but there is a way out even out of this and out of that yeah like same same for Slovenia I know
Beautiful beautiful place beautiful nature just apathy people just constantly giving up on themselves you know like I’m only giving up on trying to be able to solve this huge issue that I have because of some very toxic aggressive and lying people that I’ve been faced
With not sure if I can do anything about it and then I can only pray to God that I don’t know the judge is watching this video and saying okay fine I’ll I’ll have some mercy on this guy no there’s always a way out there’s
All we all have a choice we all have a choice to you know there’s three types of people people who make something happen people who watch it happen and then people who say what happened yeah you know we need to stop competing and collaborating with each other a bit more talking more
Openly especially when it comes to like look I do things that that are also [ __ ] sometimes I don’t know why I’m doing them maybe sometimes can help me explain and that’s actually going to help you solve those problems I guarantee you because that’s how it worked not just for me but anyone
Yeah surprised man that I don’t know Omen whoever you are have we met in person or not but we probably have to because you’re super patient listening to all my [ __ ] for so long and thanks really one of the I don’t know I thought I was going to be
Feeling like rubbish after this live stream but I feel actually better and it is to based based because of the fact that you guys are here and no thank you really thank you so much I’m probably going to wake up a little bit more cheered tomorrow but still equally
Hopeless really I really don’t know what the [ __ ] am I going going to do and yeah like when I was in detention and the cop was saying yeah you’re going to get four to five years in jail I’m like holy [ __ ] man what I cried like a [ __ ] baby but and
I’m like [ __ ] you I’m going to pull myself together I’m not going to let them see that [ __ ] and think I’m a [ __ ] so I did I had panic attacks one after another but I learned how to manage a panic attack it’s [ __ ] nuts well then yeah Twan are you still
Here not sure make sure that you that you give um her I guess if I’m correct a big hug for me yeah there’s also one really cool dude I met recently so that was kind of crazy some some things changed me in a very spiritual way like but I’ve always
Been like that I I see how everything is connected I I really understand better now than ever before so one day I was here sitting in the boat meditating feeling you know doing this gratefulness and stuff and then I said you know I’d really like a
Good old shower a couple of warm meals and stuff I kid you not the next day day I go to the here to the Albert hind store in the corner buying some stuff obviously minding my business and the smelly as I am I want to keep as far as
Far away as I can from people to not bother them with my stinkiness um so I’m like finishing paying and this woman is looking at me and she says I am that I am and I start laughing and I say back like sure but I’m still searching for
That one or maybe I am I don’t know and she looks back at me while I’m already walking out she looks back at me and starts yelling you’ve definitely found that one I can guarantee you and I’m like laughing my ass off blah blah blah and then two guys were doing the charity
Work in front of the shop so I stopped and had a chat with them they helped the homeless people hey Twan uh thanks uh well welcome back thanks for being back again and since you came back um I don’t know what to say really huge thanks for being here uh
As much as you can be and thanks for bringing Omen I don’t know who guys you are personally I think yet but I want to know because you’re both really amazing and I want to put the names to the faces and all that stuff because this is the way I feel because
Of YouTube being here on this live stream is just genuinely the best I’ve ever had anything to do with social media online like this so thanks I didn’t give me any more hope but I just feel better less less lonely two boys from Leiden how old are you
Guys I have a friend in Leiden but he’s always so [ __ ] busy a Croatian guy I love him he’s my brother like is nice it’s a nice place I mean nice I don’t know how you guys feel about it but it’s it’s kind of nice what I whatever I could see from
It 15 oh Jesus kids my my son is 15 he’s going to be 16 in April cool so yeah okay we can’t go out and drink together and I need to be careful that your parents are not aware what you’re watching or I hope they’re fine with all that you
Know like when it comes to drugs kids um yeah generally don’t do drugs stay really disciplined believe in yourself if you see uh when it comes to whoever you’re going to have a relationship with whether that’s a man or a woman whatever yeah but let’s say from my perspective
If I knew what I know now when I was 16 or 20 um i’ could to Great you know to be in love and all that stuff but as soon as you see that your boundaries are crossed excuse me Madam no dick or if it’s the other way around you
Know but really keep your boundaries straight people shouldn’t belittle you and insult you and stuff thinking it’s right because you know you’re close no it’s that’s exactly when it’s wrong but give them an option to freaking address those issues with help yours or somebody else
Houses and um then if they don’t do it then it’s time to leave or let them leave working on your discipline what you know it takes only little by little it’s not not don’t expect yourself to climb a mountain when you haven’t really made even the first steps yeah so
Everything in life goes step by step it’s a journey enjoy the journey and enjoy everything you’re going to learn along I wish I I wish really someone was telling me all that stuff when I was 16 man well cheers to you cheers to you guys for listening to all this really
Cats off I mean it takes it’s it’s complex stuff complex issues and if you’re interested in listening about this you’re going to be able to do a lot of great stuff for yourselves and help a lot of other people because at the end of the day that’s all what life is all
About if you really want to feel happy do what you love do what you’re good at and that it serves others get those three together it’s going to feel like you’re permanently on holidays have you ever done drugs yes I have I mean to be very honest I smoke
Wheat on a regular basis because it’s the best the best painkiller for me um chronic pain injuries sports injuries some of them were back from the skin hats almost killing me um I took LSD a few times this year well last year but not for fun far from it uh it was
Actually purely therapeutic stuff so I could get a lot better insight into all of my unfiltered suppressed very old crappy emotions and stuff so it was uh every time I not every time but most of the times I did that it always takes me a huge amount compared to any one average
For me to trip B it takes me like three to four times more um and I can still stay totally under control I’m fully aware of what’s going on but it was a hell of a journey to see what other issues that even therapists don’t really
Realize um that you might have like you know that that you were that you might have a traumatic consequences from a very different kind of birth when I was born they would do things differently they don’t put the child on Mama’s chest and they just take them take they took
Us away started washing us so you get cold you get ripped away from your mom you get vaccinated immediately and stuff so you’re basically just shoved around like an animal so that really causes a lot of issues in a subconscious on a subconscious level um I smoke we I have tried vaping
Um generally vaporizers I don’t know why but they make me cough a lot more so yeah cigarettes um I did smoke a lot of tobacco but now I actually don’t smoke when it comes to Tobacco I don’t smoke anymore I will light up maybe one or two cigarettes a week well preferably
Cigarillos um so cigars or something like that is just so much better and um yeah like I said joints because it just I I don’t get stoned I don’t get High um it doesn’t change the way I behave it just makes me feel a lot less back pain and [ __ ] like that and
Generally I can cope with my post-traumatic stress syndrome a lot easier that’s for sure um then yeah what did I try I tried once I smoked heroin because I wanted to see what the junkies are actually feeling when they do that stuff and I [ __ ] hated it it was just
Terrible 8 hours of like feeling really and then I puked for another two hours so not good and definitely don’t do any of that stuff number one drug I would never recommend to anyone for to anyone to try and it’s purely because it changes your brain immediately when you
Try it it permanently changes your neuroscientific parts of the brain so don’t do it and that’s cocaine don’t ever do it it’s [ __ ] it’s it only gives you that high once in your life and that’s it it’s never the same never mind what you do how good it is you’re
Chasing that high and it never happens again that’s how it changes you it’s not bad it’s not as addictive if people say crack and stuff no it’s you know the addiction is actual your mindset the addiction you develop yourself that’s a different we can go into that but it’s a
The shittiest most expensive drug that only find finances very very very bad people on this planet which are like human traffickers super bad stuff so never do Coke even when if you ever want to smoke something like weed or try it and stuff please be sure that it’s like
As As Natural as possible and from a source that is positive that feels good to you that is nice because it’s really important to have these energies also it’s like if I if I would take LSD from a dead Dope Dealer it would guaranteed
Give me a hell of a bad trip even if I knew what I’m doing and I know how to do a bad or a positive trip on on demand um but I got one from a guy who basically wants to help and heal people because it’s a medicine and it just
Effectively works completely different so yeah um no I don’t stream every evening I stream kind of like I think now it’s been like once a week um I tried to put things a lot more right regular but you know it’s difficult you know you can you can’t always predict things you can’t always
Do them as you want so I’m just doing as I go like I’m a lot more spontaneous I never even expected to have like thousands of views on shorts that just blew my mind it’s like the way YouTube turned out for me now in the past 60
Days or so it just in my terms it’s not I mean in my terms it’s exploding because I never expected to have like more than three people watching all of my videos um what else it’s exploding so hard so yeah it’s kind of cool um and it’s not
Because of the attention it’s just because people actually I I think they really resonate with some of the stuff but honestly most of the stuff is just like 50% people just skip they don’t watch till the end not even the shorts it’s really a short attention span issue
And stuff so no I’m I’m just doing what I can trying to follow some of your comments back up sorry knowing what you know now and understanding in your situation what do you think can change your circumstance um honestly what would be because as much as I’m a very workaholic
And hardworking person I’ve got like almost 30 years of working years behind me um very good rest paid vacation would be the first because my body is just dropping dead I’m I’m barely coping with it really burnout and all this stress and stuff it’s I’m dying inside out
That’s that’s literally how I can describe bit and I don’t want to go to a doctor and go and check what else is going wrong I I can see what I can see I feel what I feel I know that it’s critical for me to change my life around
Beginning with getting some good wellness and rest and then you know more exercise I eat quite healthy I’m not a junk food eater I don’t like sugar and stuff I mean I like sweets but I keep myself down so you know generally I’m doing what I can with the zero budget so
Clearly I need a miracle to be honest with you and thanks for the comment um thanks for also being here Resurgence uh let me see anything else um yeah like drugs you know like it’s not nothing like bad if you want to try something and see how your body and your
Mind reacts to it um let’s say when I first write ecstasy in my life I started to understand I can feel more empathetic to a lot more people and actually feel them feel nicer so it was like oh okay I’m I’m not exactly a sociopath or a
Psychopath because you know if you keep convincing yourself into something like when I was younger I really hated the Injustice so much that it’s um you sneaked away from your family like I hope it’s just all right all right yeah um I get it I mean
I’m sorry that you know I have to be just honest who I am and pardon for my language and stuff and I hope it’s not putting anyone in a bad spot but it is what it is you know um if your parents want to meet me and talk to me I’m more
Than happy because you know like I’ve helped a couple of families to communicate better with their kids and teenagers bye-bye to one but yeah um some of like it’s even proven in science right in scientific research right now that MDMA and psychedelics are really great for therapy so
There’s no I think there’s no taboo team and no no there shouldn’t be no need to keep them illegal and such oppressed subject because it helps like from my own I was afraid to take LSD but it freaking helps um yeah later Twan bye-bye and thanks again so
Yeah I think weed actually has way more problems lately because it’s just way too strong and it needs a good balance between CBD and THC together if you want to like Vape it or smoke it because um it’s it doesn’t act so psychotic so people actually get psychologically much
Easier addicted to this weed nowadays than the weed we had back in my when I was a teenager so yeah that’s also something to note that things that don’t seem that things that seem harmless are not necessarily harmless and smoking in itself is clearly very difficult and toxic
So what can freaking help me out I don’t know you know what’s funny the district attorney in the Detention Center was actually a guy who almost started to cry hearing my story and he was way more compassionate trying to do whatever he could to help but the public prosecutor
Still decided to just go ahead and hard so the district attorney was more compassionate than the defender that was assigned to me and then what I’m finding right now maybe even the second lawyer she sounded nice but she’s like if you want if you want me to do something you
Have to be a team player and come to my office I’m like dude I’m dragging my feet on the floor can you just leave me alone already if you don’t want to do anything then stop talking [ __ ] to me please so what kind of job do I do um
Hey Flores thanks to thanks for being here and thanks for the question I was working in it and the broadcast industry for over 25 years but being so principled um I just don’t want to work for the media again because they’re not being humanist enough to my own standards and
Values um I also did some sales and marketing so I’ve got like a really rich um level of experience on a very high level so it comes down to the point that um I’m generally way over qualified for a lot of jobs so they don’t want to take me
And then there’s also the age factor I know that myself because I I actually had to hire a lot of people so it’s the age Factor they look at it and go like oh this guy’s 40 he swapped a lot of jobs he hadn’t he hasn’t worked for the
Past two years so like I’m dead in the water this is the worst kind of situation you want to be even as a highly profession highly skilled professional and successful individual the worst timing the worst year and I was freelancing for most of the parts it gives people the wrong Impressions
So a couple of CEOs was were very honest with me and they said you know you should do Consulting so but I I don’t have the budget I can’t Market myself I can’t I can’t have my own company while I’m having welfare I I cannot do my own
Business I’m not allowed to the only way I could survive and go to therapist and do what the [ __ ] government wanted me to do and be a good boy you know fit in and do normal is to take well Ware to begin with to have at least certain level of security it’s just
Ridiculous you know um so yeah I I know a lot of stuff I’m very handy I can I literally know how to build my own house even though I’m not an architect I’m probably the first one would be very Dutch not straight at all uh but nice for
Sure so I did some work on the boats already and I’m extremely fast learner so whatever I put my hands on I’m bang I’m going to learn like this so yeah what is the welfare uh my own is 825 but a good part of it right now they’re just taking without asking a
Question to pay off my health care and the money I owe for the healthare so the health care you get you have to pay a base €40 per month and then if you don’t have the income the government sends you1 so you kind of have to manage your
Own cash like yeah [ __ ] you I’m going to eat something for those 100 when I don’t have the money so obviously I couldn’t pay all my bills some time um so yeah now I get like 500 or something so not sure where are you from Resurgence USA or somewhere it’s very
Low because the let’s say generally the very minimum well yeah the guaranteed minimum wage I think it’s around like 2 € 2,400 at the moment and it’s not enough not even for one person because when you pay the the rent and the bills and stuff that’s half the money gone and
The other half is not enough for everything you got to really know how to manage irand yeah Ireland is not doing much better than than the rest of the Europe Ireland is much like Slovenia had a great potential back in the early and mid90s but but then as soon as we took
Euro and joined the European Union as a full-blown member rubbish am I right I mean I know I’m right oh yeah so it’s uh it’s kind of the same it’s not just Netherlands oh immigrant yeah now I’m an immigrant I’m a worthless unprofitable immigrant living on a boat now I’m not an expert
Anymore oh yeah Jesus Christ really I mean the funny part is I’m not homeless for the first time yeah so when I was 13 my family got evicted my dad my both of my parents were at the lowest on the job skills and [ __ ] and uh Slovenia when it got separated from
Yugoslavia half of that industry just got sold and knocked off the market over a night and people lost a lot of jobs and stuff and these two were among them and they were not very smart so yeah things went wrong and when I was 13 we were moved to
A safe house me my mom and two sisters and then when I was 17 I had a choice either go through a nervous breakdown at home or go leave in a squad so I made a better choice lived in a squat and then finish the high well go
Back to high school which was also very difficult because they had had a lot of prejudices um so I had to do like a Dropout year in between then uh High School back to high school it was very political so I had to swap high schools in between sign up to
A afternoon program and go to work so I was like doing basically kind of like two jobs in a high school at the same time when I was 17 and stuff well I’m not entirely homeless right now but but you know um it’s not exactly considered a home because you need at
Least you need to have running water you need to have some in order to keep what let me have a look right now it’s about at least the the the temperature meter shows 14° room temperature with paying a huge amount of electricity for this [ __ ] on my boat right now it’s not isolated
It’s not handling the winter really well I’m actually in my sleeping bag three layers of [ __ ] clothes to feel warm really we worked together [ __ ] well don’t tell me your name H so there we go if if nobody whoever was watching didn’t believe that I was a
Hardworking guy and I did good at Liberty Global oh know we work together at LT okay now I know the name yes um well yeah [ __ ] yeah oh that was also funny yeah Lithuania that was funny I go work for a startup and I tell the guy I’m expecting a baby make sure
That if you run out of money you don’t run out of money for me yeah he did for two months um and then tells me to [ __ ] off when I told him I’m going to keep your laptop and stuff until you pay me the cash he goes [ __ ] off and puts his
Lawyer in his CC I invited his lawyer for a lunch guess who got the money yeah I wish I could actually have this that same level of influence and power here with people here in Netherlands you know what the best that they they that they did um these social
Services and stuff when I had to battle with them and couple of complaints and they finally learned that they had ways to do it better they had ways to to do better things and help me more but I just simply you know lost themselves and now
It’s really too late now on the paper if they try it they’re not allowed to do it anymore so it’s like oxymoron stuff so in the end we had the second meeting and they said finally like yeah you’re right you’re right because they were trying to accuse me of aggressive and threatening
Behavior towards their stuff and that’s quite serious accusations so like no man uhuh we’re going to find evidence of that and you show it to my face and if you can prove that I was aggressive and threatening anyone then I’ll be happy to I don’t know take full responsibility
For that and of course they couldn’t show anything and I’m like yeah that’s funny so what are we going to do now and then later they said oh we want to help but then that help was just like yeah what again years and years and years of more meetings more time spent
Less freedom for me to actually put my life together but nothing is looking for my housing nothing helps with my situation at all yeah I don’t agree with that plan goodbye so that’s what I had to do um but they we were hugging and crying in the end how how how much they
Regret not listening to me before so I do have some influence but as it goes in my story in life it’s like this I change things around I leave a good Mark behind me but only paying a huge price for it myself was the same back in Slovenia I
Was I had enough of this like [ __ ] behavior when a boss thinks he just owns you and I’m like dude it’s not your way or the highway so I’m basically going to get a double offer soon whether I don’t have it on the table now or not I’m
Going to get a double offer and when I do I’m going to come up with a resignation notice you’re not going to give me your commands this way because I get the job done and one I’m I’m one of the best in this companies at what I do
Admittedly by the engineers by the IT department by two of my bosses before we’re not going to have this [ __ ] in Slovenia you can it’s kind of common to say those things but it should be common everywhere if you ask me um standing up for yourself and for your
Rights and I was asking that guy only for €200 gross so before tax a race so I could pay all my bills with my first son being born and the guy was being an [ __ ] he said they don’t have the budget at the time when the company was making 9
Million EUR of pure profit not Revenue but pure profit so I’m like [ __ ] you um and three weeks later I actually got the offer so it was double the money I came back with a resignation notice and he’s like who gave you that job like I’m not
Going to tell you because you’re going to find out really soon and it’s going to really shame you bad so thanks for everything I want my paid vacation and goodbye the colleagues in my team were so pissed off that a week later they came to him and they said
Double our money or we’re going with him because they knew I have five openings in the job where I went so he had to double their money instead of doubling just my wages he had to double five times those wages and suck up his little lollipop so yeah that’s how I actually
Changed the world by completely giving my life away so others can have it better that’s same the same reason why I’m doing this YouTube channel and videos and [ __ ] it’s only some people are going to watch it and they’re going to go oh you said this you said that now we’re going
To press more charges or Su or whatever like I’m risking a hell of a lot speaking about all this yeah Lithuania has changed I know man I know I keep in touch with you and other people from there they tell me a lot but it’s the same everywhere Europe
Everywhere prices have gone up wages go nowhere for the main part they actually go down but in a very sub subtle way you know people just get paid less I’m an engineer in the broadcast industry for over 20 years if I started to work 20 years I would be making three times as
Much money as I can make today for the same job in numbers not because of the infl but literally they were easily offering like anywhere between 1,000 to 2,000 a day 20 years ago that was a ton of money back then so it’s like compared to making I don’t know
€7,000 per day per day these days so the only people that I kind of aware I’m aware of like like the top of the top of the cream of the data analytics and AI engineers and software developers that make that kind of money these days working a 9 to5 job which is
Not 9 to5 trust me guys it always ends up over time your phone ringing in the crazy hours at night and you’re always putting someone else’s [ __ ] out of the critical situation when you’re the top level expert and you’re really good at stuff that you do you you hardly really
Get promoted if you do get promoted you have a huge level of responsibility just adds a lot more Challenge and a lot more stress but for the most part you’re just really choked with stuff that people do wrong and you’re the you’re the one that fixes
Everything so it’s really just no fun no fun being a professional family of four estimated monthly costs yeah yeah in Lithuania that’s insane so it’s kind of almost the same well this is what I was also comparing someday the cost of living when I moved
To UK it was crazy so the cost of living in Slovenia back then that’s 2011 I was paying about 700 for the rent um so that was €700 was the rent for the flat I was sharing with another guy so we were sharing that that was 350 for the
Rent but the wages were like 900 EUR after tax so wages so rent 350 electricity internet all this basic stuff another €350 that was €700 so you were left with €200 to survive for another 30 days in Slovenia with a child um and then I moved to
UK I was paying roughly 900 for rent bills and the food for the whole month in a house not a flat a house my own room big house very cozy um in some nice British Village so that was €900 shared house with only one person so two people had a house for
Themselves she was driving us to work because she also worked there so I was only sharing petrol with her um but in the end it was so freaking cheap and then I made3 and half th000 after tax I was like holy D dude I’m rich you know like yeah Lithuania is crazy like
Surviving you know this is a really good joke I like the German and a Slovenian meet and they’re talking about the money yeah and slovenians is asking the German dude so that will be the same for you buddy from Lithuania yeah uh so we’re asking the Germans like dude so what’s
The cost of living in Germany and they’ll go yeah about 1 and a half thousand per month okay and what do you earn and they’ll go like yeah we earn about 3,000 per month like ohol that’s good so what you do with the money that’s left and the Germans go yeah you
Know we don’t really talk about it so then the Germans go and ask so yeah you’re a Slovenian how much money or you’re a Lithuanian how much money do you make and you go I make uh let’s see the average Lithuanian 9924 per month okay um that’s kind of
Sucks right and how much is the cost of living and let’s see for a single person yes exactly € 1,784 per month so typical as for Slovenia it’s double the double the money that you actually make yeah and the German goes so wait how do you get
That extra money you you see my friend this is what we don’t talk about U you can’t you can’t because you know clearly you have to [ __ ] figure fig it out and it’s often doing you know Black Market stuff selling reselling it doesn’t have to be illegal but people
Just do whatever they can to to pay the bills to survive I’m not sure if Omen is still here I don’t think so because um on the mobile phone I cannot check who is still here and who is not so that’s a bit limited interface and I think he would have said
If he was but yeah uh ah you’re still here okay Twan is looking for you um yeah I’m better off on the boat than for flat that’s for sure even if it’s not working and even if it’s costing me a lot to keep it warmish um yeah long term even when making money
And being at work and stuff I’m definitely going to continue to live on a boat because it’s going to save me a hell of a lot of money and I’m going to be able to do more with it and eventually help more people with that because that’s what I want that’s my
Dream my dream is to help people not give them fish but teach them how to fish that’s actually what I have on my website which I was going to launch on the 22nd of November but uh things things got a little bit delayed and I don’t want to reveal like completely
What it’s all about but I’ve actually explained enough and it’s meant to build a network of professionals and people and people who need help and people who want to help and just you know kind of stick together as a family and do stuff together you know if you have a dream
And you want to learn some stuff I can teach you how to build websites I can teach you how to set up servers I can teach you Linux I can teach you so many things yeah but clearly you know as much as I want to do everything for free I
Mean somehow I’ve got to start making a living so I don’t know if you have like 100 friends like you guys are and want learn something and then everybody pays 5 then I can start making a living I don’t know I’m building something that that doesn’t cost a lot
Of money for people to actually be able to help each other and um the the point is not for me to make the money but the point is that together as a network we are able to build their own dreams and then also help other people who can help themselves right
So yeah only the here Lithuania and expenses M it’s the same everywhere this is this is it’s it’s been like this you know when I was 16 in most of the places and it’s still the same it’s just the numbers are bigger there’s more zeros being added to them but it’s just people
Are people are settling for way too little because they don’t understand for example in the the media business telecommunications it and Technology they waste not not invest I’m talking about wasting billions of dollars a year for Middle managers and project managers who don’t even know what the hell they’re
Actually doing in that industry just to scratch their Bast half of their time because we do the hard work we do it for them experts and Engineers but those guys cost three times our money to talk [ __ ] and do nothing shove a little bit of papers around thanks God AI is coming because
These [ __ ] are the first ones to get replaced by the by the AI so this is the problem people complain about oh we’re getting PID to little the system sucks everything’s broken God is punishing me nah man same as I let my relationship to become abusive and make me feel
Worthless helpless and hopeless the same same [ __ ] we are allowing to the whole system to do to ourselves I just became so tired so exhausted that I just can’t keep fighting even for myself what else the rest of the world like I used to I just
Can’t it’s kind of time for people to wake up themselves and do something about it I’m going to sleep I need rest and if I go to sleep for a good time I go to sleep for a good time I’m honestly kind of tempted to just switch off the heater and let the
Cod take over to be honest but again I’m courageous but I’m not that brave and stupid to end my own life that’s for sure I always have something in me that never gives up even when I lose all hope I don’t know how to give up sometimes I wish I
Could no I can’t upgrade the boat too much cost I could actually for the for the amount of money and the time I would have to spend to fix and upgrade this boat well not upgrade into something fancy don’t get me wrong but just something that is acceptable for all
Time in the year and works um it would cost me so much money that I can actually buy a few Lucky Chances and I’m I know that for sure I’m I’ve been following researching almost every day looking at the market I could probably buy myself a boat that’s got
All already all of that done probably very little to no work to have done and it would cost me the same if not less so no this I can actually get probably some money selling this for scrap metal but it’s it’s a really logistic question I
Mean I cannot call anyone to go and drag the boat out and then pay me those people always charge um and there are companies that would tear it apart themselves so like separate all the materials and um take it to recycling and then still pay me probably up to
,000 but I have to take it there I cannot the tutorials for what you know it’s it’s I could monetize anything right now what I’m saying you know like I could monetize but the point is you need money to make money the the e-commerce and online stuff people have such a short
Attention span they just don’t care if it’s if you don’t have something that they really need and for the most part they don’t know what they need until it hits them really hard um without marketing without doing really like really the business level stuff it’s not you’re not going to get
Attention you’re not going to grab anyone’s attention people don’t give a [ __ ] anymore trust me I’ve been studying all this stuff so long and so hard not just studying doing it doing it teaching other people how to make money online they thought it’s easy no it’s not it’s hard work you have to
Really really work even harder than in a 9 to five job but the point is when you work hard for like consistently for two to three years that’s when large majority of the income should become passive yes but it’s work and you have to keep investing the money it’s
Not passive it’s like semi- passive you got to keep doing it making it better developing it always upgrading the stuff and always keeping it safe secure it’s a lot man it’s a lot it’s being on your own and trying to compete with people who have the money and the
Team to work with them online is just well and there is not a niche that somebody else doesn’t have the money to [ __ ] you up yeah you know I am doing that so there’s like one I started doing one little course um there’s a chapter one
In terms of how to build your own website and going just like no [ __ ] really practical approach um but it’s a totally for free course because obviously if you want to get something you got to give something we all know that like every everyone doing business
Online is not going to re when the whe expecting that some people who don’t even know me they don’t know my credibility and my value are just going to go and buy a course from me first they got to see that there is something I can give them valuable so that’s what
I’m doing right now slowly step by step building that course and stuff because I’m I know I’m not using chat GPT I’m not automating [ __ ] because everyone’s doing that right now and then they all look the same they all feel the same there’s no there is
Good value in all that but there is no real value in that no no personal no story behind it like if you listen to Gary Veer chuk if you go and listen to some really great wealthy people not these people who are saying like oh I
Bought my Lambo um after three months of working now I make 10K per week yeah you know the reality is really hard guys this is not this is not what it is and I’ve done that I’ve seen that I I mean I know these a lot of these people
Myself they work hard and they don’t make that kind of money when they do make it they make it on behalf of everyone who goes and actually buys into their own courses like that stuff you pay 500 1,000 maybe just1 if they’re charging 10000 for a course they’re selling it to 100,000
People if they’re charging 101,000 well if they’re charging €1,000 or €10,000 for a course they’re obviously just hoping there’s enough of people really buying their sales speech but when you look at this like Instagram theme Pages YouTube automation any this kind of stuff yeah it is working I’m not saying it’s not I
Know a lot of that stuff I’m doing a lot of research and Analysis and also seeing what could work for me and what couldn’t maybe if I could have some faceless video channels and stuff but again you cannot do it all on your own even with
The AI tools it’s it’s going to be rubbish it’s going to be obvious and just not bringing that value you know it’s really it’s it’s very good to to focus on the quality of what you’re going to deliver to people and then also focus on the fact that people like you’re saying
You’re I’m building a community I’m building relationship here with people I don’t even know personally yet yes it’s true and that’s how it starts this is literally how all of these things start um it’s just hard I have very little energy to keep going like you
Know in order to have energy you need to eat good foods regularly do regular stuff none of that is working for me because I don’t have the resources I need to do it but yeah I I bought three new domains for my sailing around the world stuff and and trying to work with
People on the boats making um old boats into something modern so if somebody has an old boat and they want to make it modern and they they have the budget to spend on it and they want to pay me something to do I can like probably do 70% of that work
Myself so there is a lot of things I can do and want to do definitely like especially this with boats and go around the world this is this is my next goal so in the description of this video yes I am a sneaky bastard but it’s not like
Because I want it I I put it in the description you can read it yourself there is a link to my go GoFundMe page and I’m not crying on my GoFundMe page I left my past and my history behind and I’m actually talking about what I want
To do what I would like to do and the fact that I cannot do it on my own so if there are people who I don’t know either one who is Rich enough and wants to help me invest and become a part partner that’s it if there’s more people this is why I’m
Actually working on this Gia family website because it’s not about me expecting to be to get like any handouts to get any gifts and stuff but I want to actually I need I cannot do it alone I hope and I wish and I pray to
God even um to get support to get some help because at the end of the day I want to build these two things one is my life the other one is the gear family web page because I want to do this for a lot more people like just share the
Knowledge give them what they need teach them how to go teach them how to be free it’s really it takes a lot of Courage it’s hard but as soon as you don’t feel totally alone and lost and believe me A lot of people do because you’re like I guess even you guys Omen
And Twan you’re you know generally for me and it doesn’t mean the ratory I don’t mean to offend you but your kids you know like I I literally I’m old enough I have a kid your age yeah so and I know it’s up to the age of 30 I was
Still a child and you will learn that yourselves later on anyway um it’s like um a lot of kids even in good families where it’s all good and stable you just I know you guys just don’t feel hurt you don’t feel understood there’s a generational Gap like people don’t
Really um people don’t really like care about the same stuff that you care about and you have to understand that them better than they can understand you to be honest with you because you know you’re going to spend the rest of your life living with yourself and if you’re
Going to be resentful for other people just being badly informed ill informed and uneducated and too wrapped up in their own little worlds that they don’t give a [ __ ] about your own feelings at 16 when they become very important to you it’s natural to feel that way it’s natural to
Feel upset um but yeah I get you guys that’s why GA family is there if you feel like [ __ ] this [ __ ] I’m so lost I really don’t know where to go but I need help and I need someone to teach me how to do stuff or show me the way and then
I’ll walk my way this is the G family about because nobody is going to be able to just join because they have the money I want them to be vetted and committed to their own transformation and their goals and for the first six months they’re going to be paying a higher
Price to be a member uh because they’re going to have to achieve something in those 6 months that they set for themselves they have to and only when they achieve that the price gets lower or they get another maximum another 3 months trial period and if that doesn’t work sorry but
You’re going to have to find yourself another way to get your life together because you know not everything is for everyone not every therapist can fix all of your problems and not every therapist is good enough to fix your problems so it’s you know not we don’t fit our feet don’t fit into
Everyone’s shoes you can try you can see if it fits you can see how it feels walking in somebody else’s shoes comfortable or not but if you really cannot fit in there don’t keep pushing you know if you’re a goatfish don’t try to climb the [ __ ] tree
Nobody told you to you know and if you heard anyone telling you oh you’re stupid because you’re a fish and you can’t climb a tree you just have to understand it’s them who have a problem don’t deal with it don’t engage walk away your life will be will be so much
Better and happier if you stop trying to make people understand you it won’t happen I’ve spent [ __ ] 42 years trying to figure that out finally did and then realized it’s the past is still chasing me behind you know this this difficult things that we attract we all attract that stuff whether it’s just
Random guy jumping on the boat or not it happens you know exactly that moment when I felt it’s most like driven to do something new to launch my new website to do to do good stuff we attract that [ __ ] everything toxic wives yeah why because I needed something but I didn’t
Make a really good and clear picture what I want that was a hard lesson maybe sometimes you just have to try and figure out what you don’t want and then because of that you will figure out what you want better than just settling for whatever comes at you and
Thinking it’s good for you because if you feel that it’s not good for you and you know it’s not good for you that’s the truth your heart and your intuition know everything you don’t have to learn books for that [ __ ] so yeah I have like couple of other
Videos for you bit younger Generations you know the stuff I wish I had learned when I was 42 and stuff before I was 42 so I tried to to that one was a little bit more constructive and po pointed out to a few biggest lessons in
Life I’ve had that would help from 16 and onwards so that’s why I’m doing all this because yeah I have this genuine passion to listen to people and see what what can they do to figure out how powerful they are how much they can heal themselves how everything is really within you what
You need what you want to achieve but you got to stop listening to all the noise around you you got to forget kind of forget what you’ve learned unlearn the stuff because if you want to really find out who you are and what really ticks your
Bone um you’re not going to be able to find that out by reading [ __ ] online and talking just talking to people you need to spend some time I’m alone and in silence and paying attention to your breath to your heartbeat to your emotional reactions to whatever thoughts are randomly popping up when you’re
Meditating and all that kind of [ __ ] it’s like that’s the discipline and dedication it takes doing it as often as you can as as good as you can um and getting you know not being a perfectionist just doing better every day a little bit better and a little bit better in every
Way we are the Creator s of our Destinies I created my biggest dreams when I was before I came here and I’ve also ruined my life more or less on my own the rest were just the consequences I managed to generate around myself one way or another on a cosmic or macrocosmic
Level you got to own that [ __ ] you got to take responsibility that’s that’s a fact and the the more responsibility you take for yourself the more you forgive and the more you move on the better it is the more free you become it’s even today as much as I feel
Totally powerless and hopeless again and it’s terrifying it’s really putting proper physical pain on my chest I don’t feel like there’s nothing else left I can do but all I’m doing is very long term there’s nothing much I can do about the shortterm stuff I want to go and get
Everything I need like sailing license enough experience a couple of sailings around with the crew to learn everything I need to know to be able to single-handedly sail across the Atlantic or maybe with a small crew or whatever it doesn’t matter but I want to be able to be completely
Independent and self self-sufficient self-sufficient if I if any people join me on that trip it’s fine if they don’t it’s also fine I don’t need anybody but there’s always open door but by the end of this year I just want to go I want to go first towards the west and Caribbean
And stuff and sell around there a little bit then go through the Pacific all of that stuff and eventually when I’m brave enough go to towards the Northern parts and stuff but I’m I’m not settling on the land anymore it’s just not for me and not because it’s like a
Bad people bad civilization it’s just I’m not that kind of a character I like to learn a lot I like to do a lot I when I went to Africa the first thing I did was like where are the poor kids begging for money I want to change their lives
Around and I did not giving them the money but I actually taught them few things that they could do and make their own money one of them stopped their mom from prostituting herself because he could pay for for for the rent and everything it’s just like his dream came
True because of me investing 70 pounds in him and his guitar and telling him make sure you freaking do something good about it now he told me his dreams he told me what he really dreams about and he was extremely talented so yeah sure if he takes that
Little to change your life around and help you dude then go ahead by all means so I’m pretty sure once I actually go if if I get to survive all this [ __ ] once I go around there’s going to be a lot of happy kids around there when when I meet them
There’s never lack resources lack of resourcefulness yes I agree but you know honestly mate when you’re beyond the survival mode it’s it’s um really this downward spiral and everything that comes with it this unlucky bad things that are happening like that it just all goes hand in hand it’s even my therapist was
Saying like how many people after the divorce that brings so much bad literally like these bad Cosmic like spiritual luck most of them actually end up going to church and praying because that saves the rest I mean I’m not saying I’m not praying but I’m just not fanatically religious about it I
Learned that there is something very spiritual about all of the existence that’s for sure experienced a lot of stuff that I can and cannot explain also um but yeah I’m not a Catholic I think I would say Christians and Buddhists if you put those two things together you get you get quite
Close to the whole truth but not all of the truth because there’s still a lot about the fact that well the fact a high very high probability that everything is simulated so then the religion in itself is just another set of tools and words and systems to
Explain the truth but in a way that people who don’t see it in between the lines they become the slaves to the Twisted truth of itself it’s kind of always the the thing the truth Seekers often end up the ones most deluded so people who think they know
Everything are often the most the ones that are actually really stupid and the least educated so you have nowadays you have a lot of woke people you know saying stuff whether it’s climate change whether it’s something else and you challenge them and you go like so did you watch that video did you
Like oh yeah this was like the sound of Freedom which a lot of people were calling Aon on conspiracy theory and I’m like but did you watch the movie no I didn’t but I know it’s a q onc conspiracy theory excellent fact fact checking skills dude very scientific method of doing
Stuff so yeah it’s it’s um it’s um difficult to to process yourself in a such a environment and process other people like that so just challenge but being honest and staying honest about things is still the most liberating path at the end of the day that’s where spiritual it comes
Around um you got to be able to question your own beliefs to come deep closer to the truth but I don’t think that we’re able to really comprehend it in this three-dimensional form of body and mind and soul trapped together um but yeah there’s definitely more than just this science even the
More open-minded science is catching up to this the Neuroscience there’s one day [ __ ] I said this is going to be my last video right but there’s a bunch of um really good YouTube channels I found talking about all this stuff connecting the science and the spiritual together
And it’s just really beautiful to see all the all those things finally becoming one so they are the people who are um transcending the borders of this Duality and constant competition and fighting and stuff and Warfare the new kind of humanity that I’ve seen and felt and been breeding
From inside out since I was born the the developed and evolved Humanity were you know people can actually be competitive but in a sense where it helps all of us grow together because of the competitiveness I don’t know it’s just strange knowing so much being able to do
So much but on on the other hand finding myself in a in the times and the kind of society which values the kind of stuff that I can do and help with the least at the moment you know lunatics flying on the moon are more um celebrated and worshiped than someone
Who might have superhuman healing powers let’s say I’m I’m not talking about Jesus Christ I’m just saying that there there are such Amazing Stories out there if people only knew what was possible and what’s not possible and that we are all magical and Powerful that all of us can do that
Stuff it would change everything we know over a bloody night and then I think pretty much every Guru who thinks they know the truth because those people who really know it they don’t speak about it it makes them dangerous dangerous to existence of themselves and establishment and stuff even the stuff
That I know it’s like crazy because the moment you start speaking about it [ __ ] starts to happen yeah I didn’t make just miscalculated choices man let’s say when get talking about the relationship experience when you basically just know that is what’s happening is wrong or what you’re doing is wrong it is wrong
And then it doesn’t matter how many times your your ego is going to go in there and thinking yeah but you can fix this you can do this you can do that n forget it man facts are facts you cannot Escape that and these those were not miscalculated choices those was those
Were more like kind of living in a denial but not because I was stupid and not being able to see what I see and know what I know but more like ah she will get better it’s just the PMS it’s just like that she’s just tired it’s
Just the kids it’s just constantly keep giving people an excuse and excuse and more and more and more and more excuses for their behavior so you basically consquently become an enabler of abuse so that’s the same thing I’m saying the system is not broken we are the enablers
Of this from happening you know like every Lithuanian is an enabler of being a slave for 924 per month all of us all of us are doing the same [ __ ] yeah I know I can’t change the past I mean you can change the way it affects
You in the here and the now I’ve done that before when it comes to changing tomorrow you also change tomorrow by doing something here and now doing it today and like I said I’m not lazy I’m not just sitting on my ass doing nothing crying and feeling sorry for myself I’m
Really when I now and my body and the experts and the doctors and the therapists and everybody says you need to rest like as much as you have to make money we understand you and if you keep doing this it’s going to go bad so I’m in a [ __ ] limbo I want to
Work I want to be productive I want to make the money I want to help people I want to do everything in life but the moment I get up and start pushing myself around within two to three hours muscles start to burn Bones start to hurt the Mind goes
Frenzy it’s just impossible like the way it is right now everything like this is I mean impossible I’m blocking myself here but it’s it’s insane it’s just insane I don’t get enough of minerals and vitamins V vitamins and all of the nutritious stuff I need to recover I
Don’t get enough sleep I don’t get enough rest so even just typing a single website and just creating that one to two pages second chapter of the course for for the course I want to sell on my website is already a challenge it takes a lot of energy to stay focused and
Concise and professional so really not none of that is really as easy as it can be said I’m well aware of all this yeah what what it takes to change yourself what it takes to create a better tomorrow even on a mental level only if I didn’t know all that I’d probably blow
My brains out long time ago because I didn’t mean it back then so yeah hard to say it’s lot lots lots to deal with in a situation like that and like honestly like I said this is not something even with my own past and experience like the [ __ ] I’ve
Been through I need made me harder and tougher and more resilient it was still years and years and years of a accumulating the effects of allowing too much toxicity around myself that got to me and when I finally figured that out it was too late to to slam the brakes on
And take a break because I I cannot finance my break and nobody else wants to I mean no that I I don’t think like life owes me a Liv living but it’s just not fair that I’ve always done everything right paid my taxes did everything be a Abiding Citizen be a collaborative and
Contributing Citizen and still when time comes to help and the help should be on the paper the reality turns out super nasty so yeah well it’s been already a three hours long stream so what can I say crazy that you guys are willing to listen to all this and actually still
Communicate with me after 3 hours um kind of getting a little bit tired and exhausted like I’m literally sweating right now and it’s not hot um it’s just the body reacting to everything everything and trying to not get myself triggered with bringing all the memories back um but yeah thanks for being here
With me thanks for watching um the I mean whoever wants to contact me there’s and not give their personal details away here on YouTube to trolls drop me a comment and I’ll let you know how we can do this I don’t know man I mean as much as I’m
Amazed by all the reactions and the views and stuff I don’t know where my life is going I have zero control over everything and I’m just I’m giving up on trying like this the website and building and dreams and stuff I’m giving up on all that because every time I put
Myself into gear and I keep doing and I’m stay stable and stable and stable now it’s been so long I already forgot that anything can happen and it happens people don’t see that I have human rights people don’t want to do something a little bit extra outside of
Their own comfort zone and what they are used to to fix this just this this one last legal case they don’t have to fix all of the [ __ ] I’ve been suffering from before I don’t want to Sue anybody I don’t want any money even though I think
I deserve by now the damage that they’ve done to me I should deserve probably Millions to just go get my own boat sail around and not have to do anything for a couple of years for anyone that would be the best that’s what I deserve um hey Omen thanks
For staying here and um yeah like really cool guys man like you being so young and share share sharing and taking taking all this in gives me a lot of Hope for the future so stay cool thanks a lot loads of love thank you yeah I know how much more I can do
But it’s look even my head hurts right now just thinking about it I wish I could I wish I do really that’s why I’m saying I don’t want to maybe I said last video because I don’t want to keep any promises to anyone anymore that I can do it that I
Can survive that I can make it and that I’m going to achieve anything out of it I just don’t know I’m lost kind of like hey bye-bye and a good night Omen oh yeah yeah yeah you’re right when you see people like you you just just want to help
True which means I’m pretty certain that yeah pretty certain that most of us are going through a lot otherwise we don’t stay here listening three hours to this kind of stuff so yeah hey good night thanks again I’m also going to get off but I
Guess I guess I’m going to try and do more of this I don’t know and life and more shorts and more other content I just cannot promise anything life is really [ __ ] ridiculously out of my hands and out of my control right now and I think even God is looking this
Like hey dude come on just can you what help me out here I don’t know what to do either because if there was a God and there was something to be done damn it like I mean I’ve had even signs like Bibles shoved around in the detention
Like yeah okay I get it but I cannot become an evangelist not forced into it not forced it has to be by choice and to be honest it’s not I don’t feel called to be an evangelist or evangelist of a different kind maybe my church the church of
Love but then you know there’s so many CTS around the world I don’t want to be labeled as one of those as well so every time I think about something crazy like that I’m like then just be myself don’t force anything we’ll see what happens but I think yeah that when
I was here attacked by the Polish guy on the boat and he almost threw me overboard I’m pretty certain that there is no way I was strong enough and cap capable of actually pulling myself back on the boat on my own the way I was pulled back on my boat and there was
Nobody else but me and him there so I don’t know what happened but some invisible force grabbed the back of my jeans and pulled me back so and I’m not easily believing in stuff I’m certainly not like it’s just some of the things that were happening are just like mental like
What the hell like why not why but like kind of strange coincidences and signs and symbols and stuff and you know in know such a level of St trauma and stress I think many people would have just run off the church thinking immediately it’s just God
Talking to them but you know at the end of the day this is also our own perceptions it helps though it helps to pray it it helps to also kind of try to trust that there is a higher Force you know the moments you really can’t sleep
The moments that things go into like very severe emotional states that’s when these things help but ultimately even when you read the Bible what it taught me many years ago already that you know it’s you who does all the work actually you’re the the one who heals yourself you’re the
One who does all the things God Lives within God Lives within all men not men but the mankind it’s Charlie Chaplain who said this in his dictator speech if you want to look it up it’s like one song is the 100 Subs it’s a song it’s a great one of
The best speeches ever and I made a song out of it um the forces of Good and Evil the forces of divine and the really dark or it’s all within us really everything is like us so but it’s like in a sense of it’s not just us it’s us
And the universe and the creation and the Creator basically kind of like that it’s not separated it’s all one one together so that’s how I feel about this so you know I just could never really go word for word and I’m like yeah I have to pray exactly this
Prayer I have to say exactly those words no it’s all about actually just feeling it really like you being the creator of your reality and your destiny you have to feel it all real and also I guess I’m not going to it’s not going to be the last stream I guess I’m
Just I can’t promise is I can’t promise what’s going to happen and where things are going to go if something happens to me tonight I’m not going to try and fight for my life that’s what I can say and I don’t count on police or anyone coming to save my ass either so
If it’s meant for me to die I’m going to [ __ ] die that’s all just not I’m not threatening to take my own life away so I will do what I can if it’s a short video couple of shorts a day if it’s a stream it’s going to be a stream you know more
Streams yeah I will do my best just daily streams would be a bit difficult sometimes there’s so much in one day sometimes there’s really so much in one day that it’s just hard to believe that the day has only 24 hours but yeah you know what can I say
Um definitely a very different feeling that I’m actually streaming and responding two ways with people because I honestly never did this for the likes and the views I don’t care about that it’s it’s knowing that someone else is there really resonating with all this and it’s not about seeking sympathy and
Empathy for myself but like really all the messages I want to share and leave behind because if there’s if there’s nothing better I can do with this world I want to leave that little bit of legacy of what I am what I believe what
I think all of us can do better and if that helps and that changes anything then that’s it my mission is accomplished that’s what I always wanted well yeah um thanks I appreciate that really um I really appreciate that for saying this one it’s I’m going to I’m going to try and soak
It in it’s it’s not some kind of a feeling I was used to and um expected so fine you have my word I’ll do my best to keep this up I promise it to you um because yeah ultimately the at the end of the day it’s about a relationship
With the audience right and I I did I I did imagine myself talking like this to actually the younger Generations like yourself you know 16 year olds younger because kids as a child I was really not hurt not understood and that sucked and then I became a child’s act children’s
Rights activist in a Slovenia not by choice like National TV Slovenian president stuff ch changing the laws around saving probably millions of lives of homeless people in the past without even knowing I did until I realized I did um like it was my dream just being able to help one person
And let them know that they’re not alone and that they’re understood and regardless what your parents tell you and regardless of the brainwashing you get in the school you are as unique as connected with the rest of us as everyone else and you are really you
Know you need to be aware of your ability to really change things around regardless of what others tell you you got to believe in yourself and you got to believe that really anything is possible because it is I achieved stuff I never imagined I could like traveling
To Africa and all that stuff it was just insane so yeah um but right now my battery is very low also time is also quite lsh um and I think yeah I think um we’re all going to have to get some sleep um yeah so to basically introduce some of you guys
Resurgence I know who that guy is we used to work together in Lithuania he’s a really good guy he also helped me quite a bit like recent electrical bills were paid because of you thank you so much um and yeah no stress not to you but yeah it helps fuckloads because if I
Didn’t pay that bill um everything’s automated they would just switch it off and then the best thing I could do is try to bypass it with another fake account but you know sooner or later they would figure out how to stop that from happening uh because it’s not that I’m
Stealing money or don’t pay the bills to anyone I always pay but if you miss it for one second and the direct debit fails they ban you immediately so yeah it’s kind of [ __ ] um so guys to kind of talk talk a little bit about you guys as
Well um Twan and Omen really you guys changed my feeling today significantly being here and um sticking around especially youth one being so um you know active on my channel before already before this stream it’s just it brings that light into the darkness that I need because
Usually I’m the light in the dark but now it’s the other way around and really thank you so much for that um so yeah stick around um you know also feel free to talk to each other it’s all free and good I mean you can feel
Safe and um yeah just subscribe uh click that notification [ __ ] button so you don’t miss one I’m actually doing something but I’m going to try and always have it scheduled at least um one day in advance or at least a few hours so you can kind of try and catch it up
Um and yeah if you don’t if you do miss a live stream or something you know watch a replay leave me a comment let me know what you think feel free to criticize me because whenever I get constructive criticism I love it because it helps me grow if this channel it can
Grow to something more meaningful educative and more focused you know or I have to make more channels whatever it is you know like I’m happy to listen to the input and build on this if it’s going to help more people but yeah for now I really have to
Also go thanks all of you watching thanks for the likes thanks for making my day really um feeling great although I don’t know tomorrow is another day another challenge but I’ll do my best to keep going at it day after day day by day that’s what
I’ve been doing for the past two months really taking it waking up happy that I’m awake that I can wake up that there’s another day I’m still alive really appreciative of all that um and yeah I’m just really glad that even in these darkest moments I I’m
Getting this kind of support so awesome love you guys really great bunch thanks for everything and um I’ll stay in touch if you want to meet me and stuff just drop a comment no problem anytime see you and good night
2 Comments
This was really amazing, having audience, answering questions, just really coolest feeling ever so far being here. So given that now I actually know that I have amazing audience, that just pushed me to not stop with what I still can do, I keep my promise, I will go as long as God permits. Thanks Twan, Omen, Resurgence and whoever else dropped by, love you guys!
Great to hear!!! Keep going ❤