Why is the UK SO BAD at Eurovision?! | Ranking the Last 20 Years

I don’t know about you but… that sounds like abject torture to me. Join us as we try our hardest to rank the UK #eurovision entries from the last 20 years, from James Newman’s farty trumpets to Sam Ryder’s delicious space hair 🇬🇧

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Previously on the no Channel sou African South African and coming up the dullest thing you will ever listen to ever and we’ve got Jerry hell schizophonic downstairs I find you very rude the noia Chanel is made possible by our gorgeous patrons who get access to the most unappealing crap you’ll find

Anywhere on the whole internet C this Snappy oh my God it’s 2024 first video of the year I didn’t about and we’re for feeding you more Eurovision content I think it’s important to note Well we’d like to assure you this is not becoming a Eurovision Channel exclusively but

Because dragon’s coming up we thought oh we’re not going to get into full giche we wanted just let our skin heel a bit yes last year we actually did not do a video for a fortnite around dragod so we’re trying we’re trying not lazy at all it very lazy we’re trying not to

Leave you without um content whilst we’re busy doing Dron which by the way there are still tickets available if you just Google it it will it will it will come up UK it’s the 13th and 14th of January come say hi Lally next weekend we will be there at boo d27 but enough

About that enough about that go who cares all about that shut up this was a video that we planned to do last year nobody plans to do porn none of us have plans to do porn once we catch wind that the UK’s entry is on the Horizon just

Around the corner let’s do this video let’s have a look back at the last 20 years of the UK’s participation in Eurovision and rank our entries we could have done every song over that would have taken 2 hours but the last 20 years starting with Gemini seems like a really excellent choice to

Start with because the last 20 years have been dire for the UK Eurovision and I feel like we knew it was it was bad but what we’ve done is gone through through every single sequor I watched every single performance and it is so much worse than I thought thought it was

Yeah is like if it was an album it would be now that’s what I call garbage yeah it’s so bad it Beggars belief that we had the nerve to do this year after sh after steamy shs steamy and you know again before we launch into it if you

Are clicking on this just maybe because it’s housewi is very very sweet you’ve got no idea what the Vision Song Contest is then very very briefly it is an international song contest which is put on every year annually by the Ebu every country sends a song there’s like 30 40 countries and it’s

This whole big competition thing it’s like a six-month season that’s why we really like getting into it because it’s something to do waiting for death conversely if you are only viewing this video because you are a fan of Eurovision we’re noia my name is Nova oh yes and I’m Olympia hello welcome yes

And we’re normally in drag terrible and we are planning to do a lot of coverage this year so if you like that if you like what we have to say in this video consider subscribing that oh subscribe we never say that do we enough of this it’s 3 minutes into it

Now enough so yes we have done very very well up until the 21st century we’ve won five times which you know in terms of points we’re right up there we’ve come second more than any other country we have been quite a force we’ve got our own individual lists how we’ve ranked

Them they’re very very similar they are very similar and we’ll throw up at the end what our individual lists were but we’re going to kind of do a sort of joint thing here and we both unanimously agreed that the single worst most objectionable entry the UK has sent in

The last 20 years was 2006 DZ Samson Teenage Life D Samson when this came out was a name I recognized but I couldn’t tell you why presid honey Wikipedia tells me that he was in a couple of groups that had a little bit of success in and around Europe in and around the UK and

He was like a sports person he was something to do with football I don’t know [ __ ] NOS anyway he’s rapping it’s horrible it’s so creepy he’s up there he’s a middle-aged man up there with a bunch of of women dressed as school girls it’s so creepy it’s creepy it

Gives me I mean I don’t want to say anything too explicit but it gives me kind of Vibes like creepy don’t get it the thing is baby voices the backup vocalists cut on did you learn at school to gross it’s I think it’s really objectionable that the man clearly does not have any

Interest really in the kind of genre he’s entering into because he’s singing specifically about English British school life with an American accent what for why did he do that and and then had the nerve he had the [ __ ] goal at the end to say vote for the music thank you vote for the

Music no one’s going to vote for you then the implication being that if he doesn’t get any votes it’s because it’s all political what on Earth I don’t want to talk about any more disgusting disgusting okay who have you got next so I have 2015 next 2015 that’s a personal

Thing I suppose we can go we can talk about that now yeah um the thing is it got to a point where so 2015 is Electro velvet still in love with You I’ve actually found it really really difficult to to rank halfway through I had like a mini breakdown and I was like what exactly are we ranking like what’s my own personal favorite or what was a better package at Eurovision because the criteria really started to degrade and I

Was like I don’t know what I’m even ranking of it it’s like which is your favorite turd they’re all Terri it’s literally like a lineup of bags of [ __ ] and asking you which one is better to serve on a platter I don’t know to Electro velvet’s credit this

This just wasn’t personally for me and I don’t think the song was very competitive who was it for who is that song for I think they staged this well yes it was fun staging and their live vocals and live performance was was consistent it fine it was

Fine that’s why I had this a lot higher up because I thought that in terms of visually you know they had a lovely outfit that lit up there was some thought into it I just thought the song was so offensive in that it was so wrong

Shut up on every level I can’t see you I’m turning blue I’m still in love with drugs it’s not it wasn’t commercial in any way it wasn’t on Trends in any way but it also wasn’t different in a way that was interesting this was like a fusion of swing music and electronic

Music but it wasn’t quite enough electronic cool it was just awward it jittering for one and the other as opposed to blending it all the Gatsby soundtrack the basman Gatsby sound I feel did a better job of what they thought they were doing come over here H

We’re on a vacation no we’re not we’ve been trafficked get an out this van like that bang bang that was a better there’s nothing to it no good sorry what who have you got next I have 2021 next this was the uh the second time the UK actually got zero but this was

Probably more controversial because because this is James ember’s James Newman I almost just don’t even care about it like it’s James Newman the song was called Embers zero points this poor [ __ ] got zero points in a a redesigned voting system that was kind of designed for that to not happen

That’s how bad this was no but was it that bad or was it just so forgettable so nothing of so farted it out didn’t they this was James’s second song and we’ll talk about his 2020 song a bit later on cuz we rated that a lot better James Newman is

A singer songwriter predominantly songwriter I don’t think this is the kind of song he would normally keep for himself and I feel like the BBC or whoever was in charge of our delegation that year really forced this on him he looked miserable he looked like he was

Being told like hell at gunpoint to smile like it was such a forced smile The Styling was awful he had no idea about Eurovision in the in the promo and the interviews he had no idea about the competition I felt like he lost a bet like he had no interest in the

Competition and you know he kind of is stand we have this horrible thing or we did at one point for a period of sending a guy in a leather jacket he’s just standing there in like the ugliest leather jacket Lea jacket as well though one day everyone will be able to afford

A luxury leather recliner and that day this Thursday at land of le50 million I mean the vocal was was fine there was an interview with um whoever did the staging or a choreographer or someone and they were asking about how how it was going and they were like oh yeah

It’ll get there and you just think like it should already be there before it’s you’ve even got to that point I just I I really really dislike this song hear him straining this song it’s like an advert song wasn’t atrocious but it was dated

It was a good like five or six years too late I mean just sticking just some giant trumpets there just to really Hammer home that it’s like trumpet s really bad nothing there’s nothing redeemable about it really at all nothing next I actually had 20110 Next I’ll I actually think this probably should have been a bit lower if we’re all being honest this is also partly because I just felt bad for him this is Josh doovi what’s it called that sounds good to me oh do you know what it’s it’s when they send like Nikki

French sent a song called don’t play that song again it’s like they’re almost willing people to just like make fun of them don’t play That that sounds good to me sounded anything but he comes out in a suit again it’s so dated it was produced by Pete wman hadn’t had a hit song in decades at that point so why were they doing this at this point very strange he

Comes out in a suit giving it all this how was this selected you remember you bring the good time at your it’s feel my soul slide out of my ass this was so cheesy so dated the stagy was non-existent The Styling was just nothing it’s just and he couldn’t sing this

Song I believe he has gone on record that he knew he was not able to hit the final note and he really tried to reason with them to change how he was going to sing it and they were just like n you’ll be fine do it sounds good to

Me not that that matters for the most part it’s like you know Pleasant enough fine and then he tries to hit this final note and it’s so strange he this note appears twice at the end of the song yeah twice just a really Hammer at home

I think they really had this awful habit of sacrificing these like Molly when we talk about Molly later on is a similar Vibe take people who are kind of like unknowns but you know they have something going for them and they really sacrific them because they kind of know

That isn’t going to work but it’s like oh they’re they’re Expendable cuz like no one really cares they treated they’re Expendable Expendable then these people just kind of like really suffer as a result and it doesn’t go anywhere which I suppose speaks to why they were like well Eurovision doesn’t help people’s

Careers but certainly for a while in the UK that was kind of the the thing who’s next okay after the next one I think we’re going to have like a little bit of maybe we’re not yeah we will do cuz you’ve got one there that’s far too low

Down yeah okay so I have 2003 next people are going to be so angry with this ranking because we’ve discussed all of these other ones and we’re only now talking about Gemini love’s Not [Applause] Enough okay so this is Gemini with crybaby I think this is probably one of the more Infamous performances from the UK If British people that don’t like Eurovision this is probably one of the ones they think of when they think of UK Eurovision acts well for a number of

Reasons for good reason I think up until this point we were very rarely outside the top 10 let alone in the bottom five and not only were we last for the first time we had zero points for the first time it was the first time an English song had

Ever received zero points and they were so spectacularly offkey which having seen them perform this in the National final I do believe that they couldn’t hear themselves something went Wrong because they’re both both of them are they’re not bad singers They’re not great singers They’re not bad singers they 2003 perfectly compet they have done this perfectly competently before something went wrong so I have to say they didn’t let it read on their faces No No hideous outfits but again we’re

Talking about the context of 2003 it’s very very 2003 the song is very 2003 I think the song was good it was just it was just a bad performance on the night this reminds me a lot of H and CLA that became like a subunit when steps broke

Up sorry they were around for maybe like one album hey thank God right around this sort of time and The Styling was very similar this type of music was very similar I felt like this is BBC trying to like send H and Clary and they didn’t

Want to go again like sacrifice a bunch of people that had no sort of Music before that it wasn’t a terrible song it was a very run of the mill perfectly average there’s a lot about this that I find like excusable and redeemable even though it was diabolical that’s why it’s

Not at thing is because she launches right into it it’s not like a slow build it’s it’s the Love the second you hear that you’re just like oh my God what’s happening and it goes on and on and doesn’t Rectify it well there is a moment where she kind of fights she grabs the harmonies she kind of gets it and then she goes off again I

Don’t think that was really their fault they were kind of sent well it’s someone’s fault it’s someone’s fault but I their fault we’ve had some really terrible vocals and I choose to believe that in their situation especially her I think she wasn’t a terrible singer and she

Was okay now I’m Up For Debate who do you want to put next CU this next one’s definitely like a personal thing for me well I would say I I would say Suri is next okay 2018 2018 Sur with storms which is another quite recent entry now I will

Say that I think I’ve been on podcast and done something we’ve spoken about Siri in the past and we’ve probably I I personally probably been unfairly negative towards her we’ve never had any interaction with sui but we have had mutual contacts that have and they have nothing but the highest Pros for her

Apparently she’s a lovely lovely woman Eurovision darling yeah the staging for this was basically nothing she had a a kind of really pissy LED Square behind her this was absolutely another case and we’ve done this a few times where we’ve sent something just for the sake of entering let’s sent it out to

Die like and just again it’s not a bad song I don’t actually mind that song it’s just very kind of it’s a bit vanilla I hate the song uh there isn’t the production was very no way no way I don’t know it just didn’t seem like there was much production to it I

Will say I love what she was wearing styling was great the vocal was pretty good obviously it was it was hideous that she had a a stage Invader this this constant problem that the UK have where there’s nothing particularly memorable about it it was so vanilla no way no way

Siri wasn’t given anything on stage to elevate this she was given a lovely outfit and then was kind of left to FL amongst some neon lights and she’s really trying to sell this as well you can see she’s given it all that like she isn’t really the problem it’s just that

There’s nothing really to sell there’s no sort of package there to push forward so I would say that’s why it’s low just because it’s very very forgettable good James Newman my last breath is difficult to have in this List we never saw it this was 2020 which for those who don’t know was a year that was cancelled because of Co and all we have of this that I can find is a music video with a studio cut and a live Lounge performance this was much more

His Vibe this is his wheelhouse and it’s a nice I actually really like this song I think this would this certainly would have had some points attached to it and the United Kingdom gets three points if it wasn’t the Naf party angle they went with in the end Embers is

Like it gave me Whiplash hearing that after di my last breath like it’s such a polar opposite song it’s just I think it’s a nice pleasant thing my breath I mean I don’t actually think this would have done amazingly but I think it certainly would

Have fared better than um it had to have done you can’t have also got there was something quite thoughtful and sweet about this I don’t think it would have been staged very well no because we can’t stage but it had potential so it’s difficult to judge us cuz we never saw

What how it was presented at your of these that we went through which is how many is it 21 in the end is it because of the Year thing of that group I think there are two you could possibly argue three that were staged well yeah it gets

To this middle block where it’s all very much of a muchness there ain’t really much to weigh one above the other because they’re all just so forgettable I would have Englebert humping the hurt will run deep love will set you free Englebert Humper dink love will set you free I

Would pay people money if they could sing that song like off the top of their R does anyone remember how that goes so the reason why I mean I again was splitting hairs here cuz it’s very close it’s just 2012 will and angle bird Humper dink is a established famous successful artist way

Before my time I could not tell you a single song of his no idea but he’s a name that I know your grandmother probably will be thrw nickers at him we’d like to also point out age is not the problem no being dated is the problem I I I think there’s a struggle

As a fine line um with an established artist you’re juggling classic and dated yeah Italy have a real skill I think as a country for towing that line but always going with more kind of classic traditional sounding stuff rather than dated and we just can’t we can’t do that

He gave a very good vocal I think the song did not give itself any opportunity to do anything interesting visually no staging there was nothing there to it at all it exactly so it probably a very cheap production for the BBC to do and they were just banking on his insulting

Implication is that the BBC clearly thought oh they’re going to we’re going to throw votes at him cuz he was famous once free not for us he also went first so fair does you know the first slot is rough but if you’re not going to remember the first slot anyway then

Fancy just sending him out in his suit and standing there doing nothing if you loveone um I think that it would be good if we talk about Bonnie [Applause] Tyler I put them very very close together the same idea in that she’s an artist who is kind of passed her Heyday she’s not releasing music that would really chart anymore very established very experien quite famous but I actually think the difference with this

There was a maybe a bit of country in there it sound sounded more classic less dated to me I thought this actually sounded quite nice I don’t remember liking it at the time when we watched it back the other day we were both of the opinion of like this is actually quite a

Nice song I think she sang this very nicely I struggle to like with her and Englebert I struggle like to say which one is the best cuz I think they’re quite on I say she was she was clearly easily the best because again like I I thought she wore a really bizarre outfit

But she at least kind of walked the sort of Runway and she was interacting with the audience and she ultimately the song was boring it a bit but again let’s not just rely on the name but then they’ stopped it was a forgettable song though it actually well I’d say they’d stopped

Doing it now it would appear that they’ve started doing it again this year okay well you’ve had you’ve got Joe and Jake you’re not alone quite low on this so I had 2016 Joe and Jake you’re not alone not alone just above Gemini and this is a a

Personal thing because they did a good job with this song they perform this well I just I I hated everything about this it’s so it’s very very safe again some guys in leather jackets there’s no originality no innovation beyond safe it was boring to the point where I found it

Offensive it was so Nast I think you’re being a bit harsh on it got a video got a that’s just my personal taste well it’s clearly not just your personal taste cuz it did come very low like obviously no one else was picking up the

Phone for it it’s a sweet song like it’s a very I think it’s a very very nice song it’s just incredibly derivative and then they had nothing they had no way of really punching it up because it was just kind of what it was it might as

Well have been a performance on like the gram Norton Show show them your [ __ ] it’s very reminiscent of Ireland last year what you do that’s true what do you do with that I mean at least he had nice gold camel balls we are looks like two you see the point we’re

Trying to make with this is this whole swath of songs that’s like w it’s not competitive is it n is not competitive not memorable they’re not competitive we’ve got past bad now oh you know what we haven’t mentioned yet which I’m really annoyed about I really begrudge

With you having scooch flying the flag that high up that’s to me is ridiculous well we can talk about that do you want to talk about that now I’d like to talk about that now uh okay well i’ I’ve got 2007 scooch flying the flag the black all the world excuse

Me a bit higher than Olympia when you see Nova’s list at the end of this you’re going to claw your eyes out for some of these flying the flag makes my skin crawl it gives me the [ __ ] wor this is another one I would argue that this

Is maybe the most iconic Infamous entry we’ve had in the last like 20 years close to anyone who knows UK Eurovision is familiar with this um people that do fancy dress Eurovision parties has always people dressed up as sco see this is where I got a bit confused again with

Like this ranking because Personal Taste wise I would rather listen to anything else than scooch flying the flag I also personally think it’s a little bit tricky that it’s the UK in particular sending a song with the lyrics we’re flying the flag all over the world consider Millions people that would

Really [ __ ] agree with that in terms of it being like it’s kind of a joke entry it’s very very camp and they obviously turned the volume up to 11 in terms of it just being CAC Naf funny gay like it’s so gay these these guys coming out in these like flight attendant

Outfits like something to suck on for landing sir da da like it’s not serious in any way at all so if we’re talking about yeah let’s let’s just go full fun camp it knows what it is then yes it does tick a lot of boxes and it has a

Lot of thought behind it I just hate it is I like the I don’t know if I like it I respect this I have a lot of respect for this let’s talk about you like it don’t because it’s so [ __ ] guys self-aware it was the perfect version of

What it was trying to be it was quite polished I think the vocal was good considering what it was I think the vocal was good the staging was good the staging made sense it was just a it was a novelty entry which is frustrating because it’s upsetting that that year we

Decided not to properly compete there have been entries in the past in other countries that have been more embarrassing than this and they were really taking it seriously I think these guys were just trying to have some fun and it was fun yes uh okay there’s a lot of interesting points

There okay James Fox hold on to your love4 Only James Fox what is he even called this speaks to my point to your is the only one that when I went through the Wikipedia to be like let’s start here and then I went through and I was just like just to remind myself of the chronological order it was the only one

That I could not even remember what it was don’t remember how it goes even now we’ve just watched it I don’t remember it now don’t remember how it goes I don’t remember him and oh no okay so this was this was a na but Pleasant Ronin keting Style song yeah but wearing

The most I mean 2004 it’s hard to kind of in the context this i’ I’ve personally just got smack bang in the middle it’s inoffensive it’s not competitive he sang this nicely if this insid if this came on the radio I wouldn’t turn it off really but it’s not

Competitive so this I had smack in the middle felt kind of like a filler like like an album filler you know he just sort of stands there and plops it out it’s honestly like so sleep inducing there was nothing about this that like I my sentence is just trailed off cuz I’m

Just so dead in the eyes Andy Abraham even if even my heart was break I could never so this is a guy that was a runner up on X Factor something that and I remember not liking this at the time but again it’s probably that I was annoyed that it

Wasn’t a winning song Looking Back I actually don’t think this is a terrible song again a suit we love sending suits and jackets it’s all very run-of-the-mill really really ugly suits do you know what we have a real issue with okay suits and and leather jackets

On men staging just in general but there was there was this enormous run of songs where there were will be some backing singers in the background just going and that is so unoriginal [ __ ] and I understand that backing singers had to be live at certain time and now they’re

Pre-recorded so they don’t have to be but just the packaging of them up just doing it’s just like so puts you to sleep so this visually was just kind of like oh it’s a bit of an eye roll the package made sense staging made sense I found his dancing really award and weird

I just personally didn’t like this I also thought it was frustrating to send someone who can’t even win a UK competition to compete in Europe he performed it well and he looked nice did it was a good vocal I think he was sort of gave a lovely charismatic performance

And I really think that song is catchier than maybe people gave it credit for you’d have to weigh up what what it was up against that year but did that deserve last I don’t know maybe not even with the Thundering storm begins even if the world is burning it was n I would

Rather go home with you that’s nice what now well I’ve got 2019 next 2019 I feel like you probably want to have 2011 next oh I absolutely do we’re not having it that high I’m sorry I’m just going to bum rush you There 2011 blue I can go on you start I don’t think they could I honestly think that in terms of scooch and blue this speaks a little bit more to just your personal taste which is a little off isn’t it I will say okay so blue were known around Europe they

Really did like a push for this their they were very successful it was going to be bigger than it was the staging was a catastrophe it was so messy the outfits I thought were verging on grotesque the outfits looked like they were magic mik outfits like you kept

Expecting them to tear away Parts with velcro like it didn’t they were they looked kind of magician there was something in that area a little bit Vagas it just wasn’t kind of tasteful is because you really flag chested I found it really really mindboggling that this

Particular venue I think was one of the first venues that we had a massive LED screen and instead of using this LED screen the UK were like hold up we’ve got four piss tiny little ones that we can bring with us let’s just have their [ __ ] faces on them also would you

Like to got so the staging was so weird it made it feel so much smaller and cheaper it was really clumsy looking because the outfits were allhe a little different but kind of the same it all just felt a bit disjointed they weren’t all perfectly in line with these dumb

Screens if you’re going to have these screens with them on it why wasn’t that like so slick that it was really impressive all over the place you also couldn’t really hear them that well I wonder if there was a little bit of arrogance with this being an act that

Had toward quite a lot I wonder if they really rehearsed as much as they should have done for this I would probably agree I haven’t thought about that but yeah I bet you’re right I put this high again like it’s difficult because I think all of them are bad

Really this was a good song again you disagree I think this I think this was a really good song I think this had so much potential I think the vocals were mostly good I think the vocals were good enough they had similar problems to May

Miller I was rubbish in that this was a good act with a good song and we really fumbled it The Sound was bad we had the elements of greatness here and it just we [ __ ] it yeah that’s why I got them hir cuz I don’t think it was their fault and I

Like s well no it could have well it could well have been their fault and if it sounded like a blue song which I think it did sound like a blue song in 2011 that means it was also dated okay who’s next um I’ve got 2019 it’s bger USG everything

See Michael rice okay yes fair enough so he was on that one show where deina dampo was on it and there’s like a hundred people I don’t know what it is but anyway he he won it so he’s a good singer and he gave a good vocal this was

Anothera jacket this is another Suri case in that we’ve selected somebody and just left them to do their own thing and not give them any support whatsoever cuz this song was such enough it was like an AI Written song it’s bigger than us there was a whole genre

Of music that was like pop Idol xfactor winning Style songs and This falls into that genre our intro music I’m going to do a little edit here I always think of this song because to me it sounds like the music we use for our intro anyway I’ll put this up here Now maybe no of all agree with me but again guy in a leather jacket standing there on his own no staging at all nothing going on and he’s singing a nice song but it’s comp lovely guy I Think It’s upsetting cuz I feel like this probably really tarnished his career cuz

You didn’t really hear from him after this and I think he had a lot of potential CU people don’t really like to touch them afterwards do they if they come last which is a it’s unfortunate okay so we’re getting towards the top end now I don’t know what order you want

To do this 2005 no but she really is a slack though javine is a slag so this is javine with touch my fire javine is another reality show contestant no she really is a flag though javine I believe just missed making girls allow is that right there was six girls left and they picked the

Five white ones I mean no said the quite P out loud yeah this was a song that I think was a really really good choice I think she looked great Beyonce Crazy and love kind of dress she danced her ass off throughout this I think it was it

Was just packaged nicely I think the problem was the song needed a little bit more time in the oven I think that people had a few issues with this in terms of it wasn’t necessar something you would expect from the UK I think it sounded like something that we had

Produced a panda to other countries like because of sonically it was very kind of uh Greek sound well and also the Greek song that year that won was a similar in the similar vein similar kind of like look similar sound similar everything about it was similar except the Greek

Quan was obviously far superior and I think maybe it kind of like cannibalized it and that’s why javine didn’t really get anything there were a few interesting notes towards the end but generally speaking I can forgive that when you’re doing when you’re rolling around on the floor like she did looking

That great for 2005 if you also consider the the sort of taste at the time and what was happening this is not as terrible as I think I certainly thought it was thinking back I think we were really having to go with this I think the problem with this song is that it

Needed a little bit of a revamp because she comes in instantly oh no oh no oh yeah and it’s kind of one level throughout it’s just she’s at a 10 don’t you want to take me to this yeah she’s at a 10 throughout and she doesn’t have

Any room to kind of like rest or grow or it’s it’s not a very Dynamic song um last year’s Eurovision entry for this country yeah exactly and look where that got her I don’t know though not terrible you know I I can’t remember where this

Place but I’m sure yeah I’ve got it high you probably got a few points it don’t matter to me javine okay I’ve never heard of her okay so we’re now into the four songs that we actually would listen to four are, 1500 wow I don’t even know about that well 2009 First oh I forgot about this one oh [ __ ] me this one is high up because she had a great vocal and she came fifth really and again whether we thought this entry was right or wrong for the competition it was a very polished version of what it was trying

To be Jade Duan it’s it’s my time it’s my time this um I’m not sure where she came from but she ended up going to be part of the sugar babes for a brief time before they spit up which was weird and this was a song that had a lot of Buzz and

Promotion around it because it was written by Andrew Lloyd Weber and he was on stage playing the piano alongside it this was absolutely a musical theater Song she looked stunning she sang this very very well you either would love this or you or you don’t it was very like Disney movie credits song this was maybe a little bit on the boring Sid I absolutely loathe this song I think it is the dullest thing you will ever

Listen to ever and we’ve got Jerry halwell schizophonic downstairs no I started watching Eurovision in 19989 somewhere around then just after we had won for the last time so seeing okay Jessica garlic 2002 was it she came third but apart from that you’re spending year after year watching

Something that you don’t like nobody else likes and it’s just really like awful to see us constantly be down the bottom this was the first year where it was like oh my God people are throwing points at this and it was also the first

Year that I I didn’t get it I was like why are people voting for us this time it should have been bottom like every other year I just didn’t really conceive what was happening but Mike Andrew Lloyd Weber might have been a large part of that cuz he was playing the piano wasn’t

He this was also one of the few years and I think we do this we’ve done this recently very well but this is one of the few years in recent history that we actually sent our act on a promo tour really promoting this song internationally I’m

Going it my and I think was very smart yeah but it’s also kind of like the song that was cut from The Muppet’s Christmas Carol when love is gone love is gone they’re not asleep man they’re dead and if that was in a musical I’d cut it

Out for time as well it’s just so slow and durge she was lovely she sang it well yeah a violinist lamped her in the face or in the microphone you know classic Telly I just hated that song none of it was palatable to me but then

If we’re talking about okay so our the top four four and the these are artists that we liked we think the songs were good and we would listen to these we still have criticisms for some of them but like we got behind these acts and we supported these acts if we had YouTube

On right now and it was cycling through Eurovision songs if these four came on I would listen to them I would not skip they’re not skips uh so may Miller I wrote a [Applause] Song so it’s the one we’ve just had and yeah I mean in terms of Turning Around The Fortunes of the UK from people who really support Eurovision and really go ham for it and they’re happy to be there so that would be Sam and may she was such a good representative first and

Foremost excellent and we really likes that song really likable great song like the perfect song that we needed at the time she’s also a great artist who can sing live she’s an experienced live performer she can sing live now obviously we’re not stupid we have eyes and ears and we are

Aware that it was a bad performance on the night I want to say for the record you guys do [ __ ] exaggerate how bad it was to say that researched her beforehand and we were very happy with her life without really considering the fact that she had never done Coro before

And that dance music really or this kind of music it’s always it was very kind of slow it was very yeah R&B Soulful kind of stuff she nailed and it never really dawned on us that that would really hinder her vocal ability on the night I was kind of rubbish and combine that

With yeah she looked hot [ __ ] but why they’re all wearing office like from the waist down styling was not appropriate in the office song or the staging now I really liked the staging you didn’t like the staging no I thought it was weird that she was always so tiny and it was I

Didn’t really get it I thought the whole thing seemed a bit disjointed why she was like at the office in in office I liked the staging I would have preferred if we had some way of bringing more elements of the music video onto the stage maybe that could have been like a

Giant dollhouse prop or something someone else already did that I would have liked if we maybe like a giant car or some kind of camera there also another car maybe that’s why yeah there too many people are doing this already I don’t think her team helped her this sound Mixing what did her no favors you couldn’t hear obviously she should be able to sing it live well regardless however there were other artists that year that sang just as bad if not worse that actually you could be fo them to thinking gave a better performance because their sound mixing was better

They had more playback in the backing their levels were better I keep thinking of that that twink with the in the pink twink in pink yeah was that Denmark him the sound was on point it was so you couldn’t hear her and I’m wondering if maybe they just turned her down a bit

There was a lot of things working against the song the song itself was not the problem she also went last which I don’t care when people say that it’s oh it’s so great we’re closing the show that’s not good people have already made up their mind by that point they’re

Fatigued it’s in my opinion it’s just as bad as going first going last I still think the concept was there it was a good idea I think she was the right artist I think we just mishandled it we’re not under any illusions that she would was better than she was but I

Think also people give her an unnecessarily bad time we still follow may we think she’s the bees KN I think her album was fantastic such a great album 2014 is probably going to be our third place I would agree with this this was Molly Children of the universe Children of the

Universe in my head thinking back she didn’t sing this very well but when we watched this I was like oh [ __ ] that was good she has such a lovely tone to her voice almost nasal she’s got like a real power to her voice which really is very

Like cuts through the song was also very anthemic and it was it was really a sit up and listen kind of song it was lovely to listen that grabbed your attention to start off with and then the it was kind of Florence in the machine esque this

Aesthetic and sound it was very Dynamic the verses were very quiet after grabbing your attention with the drums very gentle verse strings come into and valleys and whatever but again she went last let’s not forget that she went last and the staging turned a song which could have been so yeah very Florence

Could have been very youthful Children of the universe and they the staging was almost children there were elements where I feel like they kind of had some sort of idea because the graphics with like the kind of filigree details and that was there a bit of almost like a

Tattoo like henna like designs almost what are they called like runes or something there was something there that they was an idea that this video was a great video we needed to again we needed to inject more elements of the music video on stage I think the styling was

Bad sh on an Asos Lux dress sale starts Friday The Styling was bad I get what they were going for I also think the only other criticism I can give is that she didn’t look pleased with this she looked like she was not having a good

Time and I think that that red very wooden she she looked unhappy a great suggestion what you said yesterday that if they’ put her in something super flowy shiffon chucked some wind at her amped up the drama so it wasn’t just give us more only teardrops visuals yeah

That that’s what she should have done I wonder though that was the year after Soh but you could have done that and with a Twist yeah maybe they didn’t do that because she could have kept the sandal she would have to be have been a

Bit of a people would have seen it has been copying I don’t know again the song was great and she sang it well it’s just just always a stag she’s another one which is so unfortunate you don’t hear from her anymore and I think she was really talented really really talented

And it was a good song I would have listened to more of her music 100% I think we’re going to have a slight disagreement between the top two personal taste-wise I would agree with what you’re saying here but if we’re going to be ranking them I stand by mine

I think they gave a better vocal what yeah so the last two let’s just talk about these as being like a joint number one okay Sam Rider speman 2022 okay I’ve never read of her now this was obviously he will go down in history as being the one person who was

Almost solely responsible for turning the tides in terms of the UK participating in Eurovision he had the highest score that the UK’s ever got completely changing the UK’s public perception of the competition making people care about this competition again and take it seriously going to not see

It as a waste of money and a joke which it is his staging was great that never happens so good and I feel like I don’t know if you’re watching this for the first time and you don’t know who we are I feel like yeah it does sound like all

We’re doing is slagging and being very negative but again this was like we have sent [ __ ] though if this was like France for the past 20 years we would have a lot of praise and we’d be very very positive and uplifting it it’s just that this is they do

Suck this song I still think is just an okay song I think Sam Ryder is what makes this song special I think he sells the [ __ ] out of this he’s so charismatic I think the The Styling for this was fantastic he his jumpsuit was beautiful and it was appropriate not only for the

Staging but for the song the whole thing told incredible looked expensive it was fitting for this everything about it was great he had his [ __ ] long hair going we did a version of the song that was had a little bit of a Twist just for Eurovision was not present in the studio

Cup was not present in previous life performance so there was something fresh and new a real at the end to do it like really just if you’re going to sing you might as well just sing your ass off he was encased in a big glowing kind of

Spaceship cage kind of almost like a diamond upside down and it opened out and it was just beautiful and he had the twinkly lights behind him it was just it is just this was so well known people had already decided they were going to

Vote for it or not I think this was one of his weaker vocals in the Grand Final it was still a very very very good vocal but for him personally he had done this way better because he sang it 100 times and he was a bit worn out so this this

Wasn’t his best vocal but it didn’t matter at that point I think that’s a bit unfair but in terms of the song itself all right it though it does sound very very British it sounds more kind of like classic British rather than it being dated there was something kind of

More celebratory about it but in terms of staging the last 20 years it’s this and it’s also Lucy Jones never give up on you me your’ll dance which weirdly enough when you think about it not too dissimilar staging I put this just higher because I personally think on that particular

Performance the Grand Final her vocal was better I say I personally like the song more but that’s just personal tast so 2017 was the first year where we really wanted the UK to win and that had never happened before so that’s the first year out of about 20 years at that

Point where we were like oh my God this song is so beautiful let’s back this we want her to win and watching backis I still think watching back it deserves to win I still think it was the best I think it was underappreciated in the the

It wasn’t even top 10 and I think that is criminals running together I will say though she is you know she’s a brilliant vocalist but she’s very theater she is theater and I think that is a problem people had with her because she was very

Kind of like now you can see how you want I just think that people had a problem with the way she kind of delivered it I justult it I couldn’t I would have liked to see her in a different dress if a nitpicking but the stage of this was incredible it was so

Simple the dress looked cheap the stage pieces that we had this mirrored sort of fan that reflected these golden sparkling lights and the moment the big Crescendo of the song we have all of these lights coming in like they’re charging her with energy and then as

Soon itom out booms out it explodes with light it’s beautiful I think you’d be hard push to find staging that was more elegant than that you know such thoughtful staging it’s beautiful it’s timeless it was gorgeous the way that there were these reflections of her above her so there

Were kind of like two Reflections either side of her head sort of trailing off it was just so great the dress though I think it looked a bit toga party yeah this was interesting as CU this is one of the few times that we did a revamp

And I think it was a really good revamp than God though that it was such a good revamp you know Lucy and Sam uh yeah are really up there I feel like Lucy deserves to be at the top purely because of how underrated she is I think

Everybody expects to see Sam at the top oh but we will never give up on her just said that out loud bad things are bad where do you think Ollie Alexander’s going to be uh I think OE Alexander is going to be comfortably in between Daz Samson an electro

Velvet I personally am not a a huge fan of o Alexander’s music but that’s a personal thing it’s not any anything other than you know he’s obviously a wild talent and an excellent singer and by the way there’s all this discourse about how he’s a really on andof

Performer I’ve only ever seen him do sing well I don’t know where the people get this from there are so many performances of his online you’re bound to find some well can someone please link us or comment down below with a specific performance where he’s terrible

So we can see what people are talking about I feel like for televised Studio performances is actually on a TV show he’s always good I like his music and he’s a big Eurovision fan and I feel like writing a song specifically for Eurovision I have faith that he knows

What that requires I that’s always a little bit tricky going to be a good song um but I think that in yeah he’s going to carry on this this Spirit of let’s try and do it let’s really go for it and celebrate uh you know the UK at

Eurovision rather than just dump on it we just need him to be on the left side of the board that’s all we need and I have every Faith he can do that keep that traj that’s all we need is to maintain a serious footing that we you

Know people will vote for us and we are in this for uh to win and not just to sort of Fanny around and based on the hosting last year I think you know we’re in a good position yeah someone made a point online and they said that this is

The first time that the UK have sent someone who is that current and that well known since like maybe Cliff Richard or something like it doesen this is not somebody who’s had their Heyday they’re having their hey main Miller was kind of on the up and up she she was a

New artist Sam Ryder obviously had never really done anything equally talented but but this is a very different approach I can’t wait to react to this we’ll be very very honest I F it might it may even be this month I don’t think he can keep it in

His pants listen what did you think about that ranking I feel like generally speaking a lot of people are going to mostly agree with that apart from Lucy Jones Lucy Jones was so divisive I don’t know why I don’t get why no let us know if you didn’t like her for

Some reason please let us know and Also something to suck on for landing Madam feel free to subscribe because we’re going to have a lot of Eurovision content coming up we also have a patreon where we have exclusive cake if you’d like to go over and have a look at that oh what there’s the Discord you can join

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